The War Next-Door (2021) s02e08 Episode Script

Team LopeZpinosa

- Oh my gosh! Everyone gonna cook flautas?
- This line's never-ending.

- Elvira!
- Hey! What's up, Tina?
What's new? Oh hey, guess what.

I got you a big discount
on the cream you asked for.

Hey! You can't cut the line.

I wasn't cutting.
She was holding my spot.

- Of course.

- Yes, yes.
I said I'll hold it, Tina.

The nerve of these people.
It's stupid.

Good morning, dear people
of the Saint Judas neighborhood.

Don't you mean
the Baby Jesus neighborhood?
Yes, this is Baby Jesus.

From the Baby Jesus to the Saint Judas.

While I'm in office, every town
is important and not one will be ignored
because that was a
Pinky Promise!
Pinky Corcuera.
How's your mother?
Sil, but what are you doing here
among these people?
They're nice.
So nice!
I started an NGO
and set up communal tortilla shops
to help this charming little town.

So here I am, giving it my all.

Why don't we seize the opportunity
of you having a business here
and launch you as a representative?
My mom will love seeing you
at the parties we have at Congress.

What is the mayor doing organizing parties
when this town
doesn't even have running water?
- That's true.

- Can you believe it?
- Actually, that's why I'm here.

- Hush.

To start the campaign
for a representative for the town.

I will work on requests with the winner.

Pinky promise!
Do it, Sil.
There's a big budget.

Hey, gorgeous people, guess what?
I finally announced
my candidacy to you.

Oh yeah?
Well, I launch myself as a candidate too.

Go, Tina!
So you think
a person like you
can beat someone like me?
Well, this person standing here
has a lot of guts,
and I won't let
a former rich girl rule over my territory.

- What about that?
- Mmm.

That's right! That's right, Tina!
I will win.
I will win, people!
- She thinks
- Vote for Agustina.

I'm launching my candidacy
as the local representative
of the Baby Jesus neighborhood.

Politics will make us rich again.

Yes, sir!
- In like a thousand years.

- Wrong.

I mean, my dad, when he lost everything,
got it all back in no time.

All thanks to his connections
in Mexican politics.

But Mexican politics
have changed lately, my love.

Ernesto, please.

I don't want any negative thoughts.

What I want is to change my energy
to attract more abundance.

Hey! I'll sign up
to be your campaign manager.

I've got your slogan.

"I'm angry about the poor.
A universal phrase.

Diego, it's necessary
to have people on my team
who have dealt with being poor before.

I no longer have hydrating masks!
For example.
Well, you're hired!
And you can be my Community Manager.

- You still don't think I have potential.

- No! No, no.
Not at all.

The thing is
I think I need someone from here
who can balance
my lack of brashness, you know?
Honey! Aw.

Chivis for neighborhood queen.

Well, I'm launching my candidacy.

I will not let that fake blonde woman win,
using people
to climb her social ladder.
You're doing the right thing
by competing with her.

Now I only need a good campaign manager
getting those connections I don't have.

- Ah-ha.

- It's me.

Silvia rejected me as her campaign manager
because I don't represent the town.

That's classism, Tere.

When will you understand
that reverse classism doesn't exist?
Then it's discrimination against me
or something because, like, I mean,
I'm the best.
I made Farty Rob president
when he ran in high school.

Then, you're hired!
Auntie, my ideas are super awesome.

Come on, Teresita.

People with resentment work better.

Now I just need to find someone
to speak for me.

Someone wonderful and charismatic.

Uh, thank you, sister.
I accept.

- Pablo.

- Hmm?
Right now, you have everyone, everyone,
everyone treating you like a god.

You're in.

Auntie, are you really going
to reject Tomás and me?
Power is not for the sentimental, yeah?
Now I need someone who can
bring the bucks and the cash.

I came to make a proposition
for Rigo Events
to be the sponsor of my campaign
to represent the Baby Jesus neighborhood.

Plus, aside from doing the event,
we can spend more time together.

What do you think?
What's wrong? Why are you so discouraged?
I'm stepped on and dragged around, Tina.

What's up?
Long time no see, dear Tina.

Chayito, what a miracle.

I thought you decided years ago
to stay in Gringoland.

Well, yeah,
but I got that feeling homesickness,
and, well, I came back to recover my man.

Do you understand,
or shall I translate that for you?
- What she means
- I got it.

It's all perfect, very well.

And you, Agustina,
why are you all dressed up
visiting my Rigo?
- I launched my candidacy.

- Mmm.

So, I put on my heels
to test how uneven the pavement here is.

- So I can write it down for my policies.

- Ah.

And I dropped by Rigo's
to see if he could lend me a hand
with the campaign events.

Forget it.
We're politically neutral.

Can you explain that, Rigo?
Or was I clear enough?
Uh, um, so so Chayo came back
from the States to
win back my love
because she says I'm a catch.

So, we think
She thinks that it's best for our
You know, our daughter, Brittany.

And right now, my schedule is full, and I
Women rule in this neighborhood.

That's why I need to get allies
who know about their bad taste, right?
And Tomás is really good
at seducing women in the neighborhood.

Mom, we should get someone
who speaks better.

Honey, we're in politics.

The last thing people want is to be heard.

I also thought of Tere.

She talks pure nonsense.

She defends her rights.

That's very different.

Though I really doubt she wants
to ally with the enemy, you know? So
My aunt said no,
and we want in on your campaign.

This is fate in the Law of Attraction.

Welcome! Welcome! And I promise
to pay you very well for your services.

Chivis, we don't have any money.

Remember, poor people love
to get paid in promises, right?
Chayo is back from the US.

She wants to get her man back.

- Chayo is back?
- Mm-hmm.

The one that half the neighborhood
- was head over heels for?
- Mm-hmm.

The only woman Rigo could replace you with
after you left to Juárez.

Why don't you rub it in more, Mom?
Besides, I don't have time
to mend my broken heart
when I have to fight to win the election.

- That's true, love.

- So, yeah.

Ugh, what a bummer.

It's just a man.

- The campaign is more important.

- That's my girl.

You can profit
from your connections.

Pinky Corcuera can hire us
for many town council events.

I hadn't thought of that.

Sky's the limit, my buddy.


So ask.
We can go out for beers.

We don't "go out for beers.
You showed me the world
of small businesses.

Now let me show you how we do networking
at the top of big businesses.

You look like a commoner.

That polyester shirt
will give you a rash, Diex.

Do you know why? You're a traitor.

And you? Hmm?
Tere and Tomás, look at you
with your stiff collars.

What a couple of dummies.

You're not even a López, you're a Salcido,
so your whole campaign is fake.

Blondie, look.
I will explain this to you
because it's like you run on zero.

I'm doing this for Leonor and her family,
who are also my family.

Even though they're a few traitors, yeah?
- Yes, yes.
There are two.

- Shh!
Besides, the sign of a good campaign
is having a good cause, not a good name.

Oh, so what is the cause of the Lópezes?
Besides, I have more connections.
I win.

Well, why do you think I stole your Diex?
We're even.

Mm-hmm, we'll see about that.

Come on, let's go.

Mmm! That blondie makes my blood boil.

If we want to win, I think we should do
what the Cheeto man did.

The master of playing dirty at campaigns,
Donald Trump.

Where what matters is not our ideas,
but screwing over the others.

Is that allowed?
That's not what's important here, darling.

Okay, so what's your plan
to screw her over?
Well, it's a piece of cake for me.

I just have to speak badly of my stepmom
like in Cinderella.

Ah, like in Cinderella, I know it.

Do you know Cinderella?
- You? You don't even watch cartoons.

- Who?
What we are going to do
is get Silvia closer
so that people can see
she has lots of empathy.

Okay, but like through social media
so I don't have to touch poor people.

Hello, charming people
from the Baby Jesus neighborhood.

Um, I am Silvia Espinoza de los Monteros.

Um, you can call me Chivis.

And I love you all so, so, so much
that I'm here to listen
to all of your little requests
with all my heart.

Tell me, what's next for your campaign?
Separating church from state?
You want to end Santería.

But you hit a giant plate every day
to "bring the good vibes.
Look, Chivis.
I never thought
you would betray me like this.

If you take away mustaches,
I'll take away my vote.
You'll see.

Ugh, I'd never say that.
What did you do?
Uh, well, change is not easy.

But Tere,
I think you went a little overboard.

- This wasn't me.

- Like, it's not like that.

What's this about?
I can hear it from my campaign site.

It's right here in Chivis' campaign.

She wants to take away
our traditions and customs.

But at least we have
some new ideas, right?
I mean, your group isn't even campaigning.

Of course we're campaigning.
Want to see?
If you vote for Chivis,
you will bring the Baby Jesus
of the neighborhood
of Baby Jesus to tears.

She's a guru from a sect of thin people
who make women do vicious training.

And she throws away their sacred food.

- Come on.

- This is
Silvia Espinoza
endorses Pagan celebrations
- where they slaughter turkeys.

- You seeing this?
She even plays instruments
to compete with the beautiful bells
of our neighborhood's church.

You may know her daughter,
Crista, the racist.

Oh, they're just poor.

It smells kind of weird, you know?
And as if that wasn't enough,
Silvia Espinoza went bankrupt
for not knowing how to manage her house.


Think about it,
if she lost her estate,
what will happen to our neighborhood?
Vote for López.

Now what?
These videos are disgusting.

But effective.
The neighborhood
is with Agustina.
Check the ratings.

Oh, but our rankings
aren't full of lies like yours.

"Oh, Chivis can't do anything.
" Huh?
We're lying? Oh, but we're not.

- Sil, what's ten minus one?
- You know I'm not good with numbers.

Um, um, okay,
but at least our campaign is ethical.

Sensationalism is what you promote.

But we don't give out orders.

That's how dictatorships start.

- Listen.
I forbid you from saying that.

- See that? See?
You said I'm a racist.

Yeah, but you don't
like dark-skinned people.

Be grateful we invited you
to the party or you'd be lynched.

You betrayed your neighborhood.

You went to live on the frontier.

What did you think would happen?
That you could just switch sides?
So sad they didn't give you a chance.
No, hang on.

I'm not a sensationalist.
I'm critical.

You want everyone to think like you.

My campaign is ethical.

We don't play dirty.

Your house is dirty!
You're playing dirty, and
- Hey!
- What?
What if instead of fighting
like lady grocers, we do something better
and hold a political, democratic,
and civilized debate?
- That's what I thought.

- That's also what I was gonna say.

First place in speech club.
You're done.

What does speech club
have to do with debate?
- Hear her?
- Let's go, Ma.

I learned how to rap in prison.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
to the debate of the candidates
for representative
of the Baby Jesus neighborhood!
Let's go!
On this side, the natural blonde,
Silvia Espinoza de los Monteros.

And on the other side,
the shorty shaped like a grape,
Agustina Salcido.

Let's go!
And the mediator for this debate,
native to this neighborhood,
and though she succeeded in show business
and political business,
she never denied her origins,
Maribel Fernández!
I want to start this important debate
by asking my fellow ladies
which one of you two
better represents the neighborhood?
Well, me, of course.

This one here
doesn't even know her zip code.

Hey! Of course, I do.

- It's
- You see? She doesn't know.

The zip code's not important
when you carry the neighborhood
in your heart.

Yeah! In your heart!
Nice to hear you carry the neighborhood
in your heart
because others carry it in their underwear
and don't give a crap about it.

So, what actions will you take
to improve the neighborhood?
For a start, make it exist, okay?
I mean, it's not on Waze.

Ah, that's right!
Stop blackouts, so we can spend
as much time watching soccer
and our soap operas!
Yes! I need to get to watch
my soap operas!
And I promise full pantries for everyone!
Home cinemas and vacuum robots!
Okay, but how?
Espinoza for robot!
I promise to improve the sewage system
so we can at least throw
a bucket of water in the toilet
and not stink the whole house up.

Well, I don't promise you anything.

Because I'm done
with politicians who are fake!
What is this?
- Who is she?
- I don't know.

That's why I crossed the border,
and I bring you politics
from the first-world!
Of course! Like doing international trades
so that we can export
our pork-rind tortillas!
Hey, of course!
And how about some free high heels
for female empowerment?
Electrocuting all those petty thieves
like they do in the States!
And boobies for everyone!
That's it!
Go, go!
- And you?
- Hmm?
Didn't you go to the States
because neither this neighborhood
nor Rigo were enough for you?
Well, if to mark my territory
I have to get into politics,
that's what I'm doing, sweetie.

A girl has to do what a girl has to do.

Who is this imposter? Like
What the fuck?
I am kicking Agustina
out of this neighborhood,
and that blondie as well!
I've been checking out our books,
and I can't believe this.

Agustina doesn't even pay you rent!
So right now I'm going to file
a citizen's complaint.

But Chayo, Tina is family.

Agustina is my enemy in politics
and rival in love.

Or did you really think
I would never find out
that you went after her super-wide hips?
How did you find out?
It's a small town, gossip travels.

Hi, lovely followers.

We're here because we have
an important announcement.

It's the end of us.

We have to do this
because of the political climate
where we are at the moment.

As community managers
of opposite campaigns,
we've decided to go different ways.

I decided to become an influencer
like Mariana "Glowy-Glowy"
because I wanted my mom
to win the elections.

Like the governor Samy Cantú.

And I've decided to do propaganda
like Raúl Araiza,
but for a good part.

But that doesn't mean
we don't love you all anymore.

I'll miss you, Pablo.

You too, Crista.

What? You didn't start crying?
No, no, no.
I'm I'm leaving.

Don't scare me, Neto.

I'm sure this must've cost a fortune.

Well, yes, yes.

But Pinky has to feel
like he is among his people.

I'll handle Pinky,
and you are going undercover as my caddy.

- Caddy?
- Yeah, I think
What's up, king?
Hello, king.

Let's get started.

What? Did you bring any booze?
- Check this out.

- Oh!
Pops, you sure know
what I like.

And I also left the tab open
at hole 19 with a free bar,
so you don't have to worry about anything.

Ready to be humiliated?
Hey, buddy, shouldn't we talk
about business with this bastard
before he takes
the free bar thing too seriously?
But we're only at hole number one.

Which hole do you talk about business?
Well, usually at the last one.

I got this.

Our rankings have fallen.

The polls favor Chayo.

They're traitors really.

They didn't forgive me
for going to Juárez,
but they forgive her for going to the US.

But she made it
to the other side, sweetheart.

Your account is full of haters, Mom.

Oh, I love it.

Like, there's no bad publicity
in politics, right?
We have to do something, or we'll lose.

We're gonna lose if we don't do something.

Let's form a coalition.

We'll be stronger together.

Yes, I was gonna say that.

I was gonna propose that.

Not if I was on drugs.

Not if I was drunk.

Think about it.

Son of a
Hey, commoner,
do your job and pick that up.

Are you losing to this moron on purpose?
He's really bad.

Okay, I'll bring up the business now.

Hey, Pops! We can seize
the opportunity of Sil and I
having a social business, right?
A start-up.

What happened, my dude?
We were drinking in peace.

Come on.

Bring the stuff.

Hurry up, let's go.

No way I'm joining my rival.

What am I, a traitor?
Forget about it.
I mean,
I have a personal agenda.

That's why I got into politics.

I need a sign from heaven.

Like that time I saw Leo in the bathroom
and I knew I could listen to Rigo.

- Yeah.

- Yes, but
If you could just

Sil! I've seen your ranking, huh.

You're way down,
so I called to give you some motivation.

If you win, you and I
will be able to inflate the budget.



Dude! Did you see my shot?
No, no, no! Placed ball!
He he moved the ball!
I saw him.
I saw Don't play, dude!
I saw you! I saw you move the ball.

Hey, Ernie, settle your servant.

He's talking back, and he's blind too.

- I will kill that bastard!
- No, no, no! Listen! Listen to me.

Look, if we start arguing,
we're going to lose the business.

- Calm down.
Calm down.

- Okay.

- Rat bastard.

- To win, you'll need a miracle shot.

Well, miracle shots do exist.


You're a loser.

Remember when I won the ski race in Vail?
Oh yeah.

Why didn't you and Sil go this year?
Because we were celebrating
our anniversary.

In Madrid.

Sil told you we went there once,
didn't she?
And, well, she took advantage
of me being younger.

Yeah, she mentioned that.

That Sil goes crazy really easily,
huh, Neto?
Oh, calm down, I'm messing with you.

Okay, that's it.
Take your last swing.

I want to take the crown.

- Miracles exist!
- Yeah!
- Okay.

- Whoo!
Um, okay, well, um
Since I became mayor,
everyone's let me win.

This is the first time I've lost.

Hey, "Pops," that thing about my wife
was a stupid joke, right?
Because if it wasn't,
I'll have to beat the shit out of you.

And if he won't, I will, dickface.

So, I think that business
we talked about
has gone to shit, right?
What happened, Catalina? Why are you here?
I bring secret information
about the campaign.

Secret? But I did an investigation.

Chayo wants to kick you and Mrs.
out of your houses to make the case
that you don't even have an address
in this neighborhood, then she'll win.

- No way.

- Mmm.

And Rigo agreed to that?
Well, he didn't say yes or no.

Oh, shoot!
And I know something worse.

Chayo was deported for leaving
birria bones in the street.

- And that's illegal over in the States.

- Hmm.

She just came to take money from Mr.
and go back with her new lover.

How'd you find that out?
She posts about everything.

- How dumb.

- People still use Facebook?
That's the sign.

That must be the sign!
The López-Espinozas ♪
The woke and the posh ♪
Together we are stronger ♪
United we're strong ♪
The López-Espinozas ♪
The woke and the posh ♪
Working hand-in-hand ♪
To get a much better life ♪
The López-Espinozas ♪
The woke and the posh ♪
The López-Espinozas ♪
The woke and the posh ♪
López-Espinoza ♪
That's the actual campaign?
Those TikToks are just dumb.

It's what works best.

Oh, Diego.

Listen, Tere, it's not my fault.

So, hey, I've been thinking,
since we're no longer in opposition,
we could reopen
our dual-account, Toxicutes.

Mmm, I don't think that's a good idea.

Look, since I've been single,
my personal account has gotten more fans.

No way, dude!
That's how you waste time
during working hours?
In politics, you call that corruption.

No way, there are ten more!

Tomorrow's the end of the campaign.

If Chayo sees you here
Well, let her think I'm bribing you
like a corrupt politician.

This is all the rent money.

You can keep the elastic.

Tina, wait.
I didn't ask for it.

No, but I found out that Chayo
wants to kick us out to win the election,
and you didn't even stand up to her, Rigo.

It's not like that, Tina.
The thing is,
we have a joint bank account.

But look, I'm already expanding
my business so I can keep supporting you.

Oh, Rigo.

That's not necessary.

Don't sweat it.

As soon as the election is over,
I'm leaving that little house you left us,
which, by the way, smells bad.

What do you think, buddy?
With your connections and my vision,
we can take this to the next level.

Good evening,
people of the Baby Jesus neighborhood!
Events by Rigo and Neto
welcomes you to the end of the campaign
for the candidates for the coalition.

And for Mrs.
who just came back from the US.

Chayo! Chayo! Chayo!
And now, I hand the stage to the mayor,
who already has the results
from the votes!
- Take a picture with me, would you?
- Sure.

How's my neighborhood?
It's time to find out
who will be our new representative.

Together, with me,
we will keep all of your
Pinky promise!
And our new leader is
Oh, stop it.
 Come on,
don't give us the suspense.
Let's go!
What? What?
It's a tie.

- Aw, come on.
You heard him!
- No!
- What?
- Wait!
There's one more vote.

I'm sorry.

With all the preparations for the party,
I forgot to put my vote in the ballot box.

We want to redo the vote!
Pinky Corcuera, untimely votes
can't count in your government! Come on!
And why not? Why not?
- My Rigo has every right to vote.

- Yeah!
Sir, if we redo the vote, we would
have to reassign more of the budget,
and you already spent it
on your Paris trip.

So what?
Of course we are taking this vote.

It's not fair for any citizen
to be left out of the election process.

Of course!
We've already lost.
I'm telling you now.

- Wait a second.

- What is happening?
The vote goes to
the coalition, López-Espinoza!
- Attention, please!
- Now what?!
These women
can't represent our neighborhood
because they don't even live here.

Very soon their victory will be taken away
because I have already filed
a citizen's complaint.

- Huh?
- What's that?
This fucking neighborhood,
do I have to explain everything now?
Come on!
A complaint about someone doing wrong.

I saw your Facebook last night.

I should be happy, but Pablo
didn't want to reactivate Toxicutes.

And I really miss our account.

I don't think what you're missing
is Toxicutes.

- Pablo?
- Ah, yeah.
Hold on.

Now I'm happy.

I figured out why I was feeling down.

It's because of you.

Wh what? We don't have to make content
for the Toxicutes.

It's that Ew.
That I, the girl,
have to say it to you first.

It's not okay, but I'm doing it.

What I'm saying is I like you for real.

Like, can we be Toxicutes like, for real?
Uh, um
But the thing is, right now,
I'm trying to maintain my personality,
both online and in real life.

And, well, online, I'm a sexy bachelor,
and in the real world too.

Um, but thank you.
Good luck.

You okay?

I feel like I have a bad cold,
but I can't sneeze.

Or like a stomach ache,
but without throwing anything up.

What's wrong?
It's called rejection.

Welcome to the world of mortals.

We're a good fucking team, yeah?
"A good fucking team?"
Yeah, we fought and whatnot,
but in the end, we won the campaign.

We won the campaign, but in the end,
you and I kind of lost, right?
Hang on.

Is this you breaking up with me?
I didn't prepare, but
Tere, it's not you, it's me.

Well, it's both of us, but in the end,
it is more of you than me
because you don't accept me
for the man that I am.
And I can't be your boyfriend.

It's over now.

I wanted to thank you for voting for us.

I truly wasn't expecting it.

I'm done with Chayo, Agustina.

My vote has always been for you.

In everything.

I've been wanting to give you a real kiss
for the past few days.

Well, do it, then.

Look at 'em!
- Aw!
- No!
Well, now is the perfect moment
for your speech.

- Well, you're better with words.

- Usually I am, yeah.

Give a speech!
One second.
One second.
One second.

Um, Chivis, I forgot to tell you
that we have a clandestine investment
in the Cayman Islands.

I just got the bank statement.

We are millionaires again!
No way!
Tina, I just got an offer
for your sisters super-cool house
in the posh community.

- Now you're rich!
- No way!
Well, no.
I mean, not me, my family is
because Leonor set it up for them.

- Is this real?
- Yes.

- Thank God!
- This means, honey, your nightmare's over.

Because you longer have to represent
this neighborhood that you hate.

Well, so it's over, then.

Finally, Blondie.

We don't even have to work
together anymore.

Was a pleasure.

What is this?
What are we gonna do?
Previous Episode