The Weekenders (2000) s02e03 Episode Script
Each to His Own
Order in the court!
Order in the court!
Come on, I said order!
Oh, right.
We want a large pepperoni and four colas.
Objection!
No meat on my part.
One subpoena pizza special, adjourned!
Just so you know, we're
about to have a major
meeting about what we're
going to do this weekend.
You see, last Monday, we
all had huge assignments
due, so we spent the whole
weekend doing homework.
So this weekend, we
had to have twice as much
fun to make up for last
weekend's major tragedy.
Okay, let's figure out what
we're going to do.
Any suggestions?
[ ALL TALKING AT THE SAME TIME ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, cool it!
We have to figure out some way
to come to a decision.
Preferably a decision which involves going
to the obvious best event of the weekend.
The first annual Captain Dreadnought
Convention.
Oh.
T, you're like the only person in the
world who likes that comic book.
Apparently not.
Since there's a convention.
Answer that, Mr Smart Guy.
Let's decide this the fair way.
By voting.
Everyone write what you want to do this
weekend on a napkin and give it to me,
and I'll pick which thing we do.
That is so rigged, man.
What?
You guys have a problem with democracy?
I have a much better way.
Everyone scream out your suggestion
amd whoever is the loudest wins.
My way is totally fair and doesn't involve
democracy or decibels.
I'll think of four events that
begin with the letter "shoe".
Whoever reads my mind and comes closest,
that's what we do.
Wrong.
Forget it.
Well, there's really nothing to decide.
It's obvious it should be something
cultural.
No, a sporting event.
A shoe show.
Captain Dreadnought.
Don't you want to broaden your minds?
Our minds are broad enough.
Yeah, I already have trouble
finding hats that fit.
Hang on, guys.
I know what my mom would say here.
Who wants some tofu brownies?
Well, yeah.
She might say something
like that, but then she'd
say we should stop
bickering and compromise.
So we'll compromise.
We'll meet each other halfway.
And since I live halfway
to the dulcimer concert,
I recommend we meet at
my house and go from there.
That's not a compromise, man.
I'm doing any of that meeting halfway
junk.
Hey, hey, hey, mute, mute.
Look, the compromise I'm suggesting is
that we do all four things.
The dulcimer concert, the shoe show,
that
thing Lor wants to do, and the
Captain Dreadnought Convention.
Sounds okay to me?
Yeah, you should have
said that to begin with.
Then it's unanimous.
Now, let's vote on whose event we start
with.
Everyone take a napkin.
Aah!
Not quite what I had in mind.
Welcome to ShoeStravaganza, and here
we have Jared wearing the cargo shoe!
The very latest in athletic shoe fashion.
How long have we been here?
Somewjere between an hour
and a hundred thousand years.
Did I tell you guys this was going to be
exceptional?
Oh man
Good morning.
Athletic shoes are the wave of the future.
You can't have too many.
Um, I just counted my feet.
I think three is too many.
Up next, the new line of athletic sandals
from Tommy Hugo of New York.
Oh, man.
Tommy Hugo is the greatest.
Man, he doesn't just push the envelope.
He tears it open and
then reads the letter.
Who can afford these shoes?
Some of us have to get our shoes out of a
bin.
All these models have such thin feet!
We don't all have the figure to
wear that kind of stuff in public.
Okay, only one more hour,
then it's Lor's turn.
Yes!
But as an extra special
treat, I got us backstage
passes so we can meet
the shoes in person.
Aw!
Maybe I can get a picture with
my arm around the flip-flops.
So, what are we seeing again?
Traditional Scottish games.
It's gonna be incredible.
This competition puts all other sporting
events to shame.
Do they have cheerleaders?
No.
Do they have a halftime show?
No.
Do they have a cute mascot?
No.
So what do they have?
Haggis!
Get your haggis here~!
They've got haggis.
Anybody want some?
What is it?
If I told you what it was,
you'd never eat it.
In fact, you might never eat anything.
Again.
Ever.
Yum.
Okay, here comes the first event.
It's called the Caber Toss.
They take this like huge foam pole.
And then they see
how far they can
well..
toss it!
I don't know what's worse.
This or the shoe show?
I wonder if I'd look good in a kilt.
I think I sat in some haggis.
That's Bobby Roy.
He's a defending world record holder.
What kinda lame baby toss
was that, Bobby!?
Whatsa matter?
Your little kilt on too tight,
Robert?
This next event is gonna
blow you guys away.
It's called the Farmer's Walk.
It shows strength, balance, and courage.
The competitors lift big weights and walk
as far as they can without collapsing.
Right now, I'd like to
walk as far as I can.
There he goes!
Come on, McDougall!
Get the lead out!
At this rate he should finish
around the Winter Solstice.
You know what would make this perfect?
If the world came to an end?
No!
If we did the wave!
Okay, one, two, three!
Is it just me, or can you
not wait to go to Tish's thing?
You said it.
I'll remember this concert
for the rest of my life, which
should be about five minutes,
because this music is killing me.
To my ears, I'm already dead.
Why the long face?
You look like you just lost your best
friend.
If only that were true.
I just spent a year of my life sitting
through a two-hour dulcimer concert.
Now I know why it's called the dulcimer,
because it is dull.
Come on, things aren't that bad?
We all have to endure horrible things.
For instance, well, you're too young to
remember the lumbata.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just overreacting.
A mother knows what she's talking about.
A mother also knows when her
son has sheep on his breath.
It was haggis!
Lor forced us.
You ate haggis, and you complain
when I serve you tofu?
This is what I'm talking about.
I had to endure things today that could
permanently poison my system.
This is turning out to be the worst
weekend of my life.
Honey, you've got to learn to shake off the
disappointment and look on the bright side.
Okay, sure.
Uh, what bright side?
Think hard.
It'll come to you.
Well, I can look forward to the Captain
Dreadnought Convention tomorrow.
Yeah, that should pretty much make up for
the rest of the weekend.
See?
I told you things weren't so bad.
Now just give me one minute
and I'll finish mowing your dinner.
Guys, you're in store for the most fun
you've ever had.
We are going to meet in-person,
up close.
An actual guy dressed in a Captain
Dreadnought costume.
It'll be something we can tell our
grandchildren.
What are you stopping for, Carver?
You got a cramp or something?
Mm-hmm.
A cramp in my style.
This weekend I have watched
Scotsman grunt, listened to
dulcimer music, and almost spent
good money on a tam o' shanter!
There is no way I'm
going to hang out with a
room full of comic book
geeks for endless hours.
I'm with you.
We gotta draw the line somewhere.
Tino, I can appreciate
the artistic value
of some comic books,
but Captain Dreadnought?
All he does is blow people up and repeat
his catchphrase.
"No one is innocent."
Gimme a break.
But you can't bail on me.
You have to endure my boring event.
I endured all of yours.
Right.
So you know just how much
we don't wanna be here.
Yeah, but you
I just can't do it anymore.
Neither can I.
I'm outta here.
Fine.
So much for compromise.
I'll spend the day with my one true
friend.
Me!
I couldn't even enjoy the convention.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
But maybe you guys should compromise by
doing stuff you all like.
Like shooting pool?
Exactly.
But we do that all the time.
Um, hello?
You do it all the time
because you like it.
It may not be your absolute favorite
thing, but you all agree on it, right?
Don't you think that kind of compromise
makes a little more sense?
I guess so.
Hey, Mom.
You talk a pretty good line
about compromise, but I noticed
there's still a lot of tofu
on the menu around here.
The compromise is I don't serve you boiled
fish bladders anymore.
But that could change.
Earlier comment retracted!
Chili cheese fries and pool?
What's so special about this?
Absolutely nothin'.
You want special?
We can always hit another dulcimer concert.
No, no, no.
I get the point.
Ay, man.
Sorry we bailed on the Dreadnought thing.
It's okay.
I'm over it.
But we should make it up to you.
Yeah, Tino.
You stuck with us for all our events.
Come on, T.
We'll go to the Captain Dreadnought
Convention.
It won't be so bad.
Like I said, it's gonna
take a month to wash
all the geek off me,
but it wasn't so bad.
See, guys.
You had fun.
Maybe.
A little.
I did like the Dreadnoughted Cheerleaders.
Hey, we've still got a couple hours.
Who's up for pool?
Sounds good.
I am.
Meee~
So, I guess now we know it's not a good
compromise if it makes three out of four
people as miserable as
a snail in a salt shaker.
Ugh.
It's better to do stuff we all like.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Hey kids.
I mean, no one is innocent.
See ya.
Looks like defending the universe doesn't
pay as well as you think.
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna rethink
superhero as a career choice.
Later days.
Order in the court!
Come on, I said order!
Oh, right.
We want a large pepperoni and four colas.
Objection!
No meat on my part.
One subpoena pizza special, adjourned!
Just so you know, we're
about to have a major
meeting about what we're
going to do this weekend.
You see, last Monday, we
all had huge assignments
due, so we spent the whole
weekend doing homework.
So this weekend, we
had to have twice as much
fun to make up for last
weekend's major tragedy.
Okay, let's figure out what
we're going to do.
Any suggestions?
[ ALL TALKING AT THE SAME TIME ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, cool it!
We have to figure out some way
to come to a decision.
Preferably a decision which involves going
to the obvious best event of the weekend.
The first annual Captain Dreadnought
Convention.
Oh.
T, you're like the only person in the
world who likes that comic book.
Apparently not.
Since there's a convention.
Answer that, Mr Smart Guy.
Let's decide this the fair way.
By voting.
Everyone write what you want to do this
weekend on a napkin and give it to me,
and I'll pick which thing we do.
That is so rigged, man.
What?
You guys have a problem with democracy?
I have a much better way.
Everyone scream out your suggestion
amd whoever is the loudest wins.
My way is totally fair and doesn't involve
democracy or decibels.
I'll think of four events that
begin with the letter "shoe".
Whoever reads my mind and comes closest,
that's what we do.
Wrong.
Forget it.
Well, there's really nothing to decide.
It's obvious it should be something
cultural.
No, a sporting event.
A shoe show.
Captain Dreadnought.
Don't you want to broaden your minds?
Our minds are broad enough.
Yeah, I already have trouble
finding hats that fit.
Hang on, guys.
I know what my mom would say here.
Who wants some tofu brownies?
Well, yeah.
She might say something
like that, but then she'd
say we should stop
bickering and compromise.
So we'll compromise.
We'll meet each other halfway.
And since I live halfway
to the dulcimer concert,
I recommend we meet at
my house and go from there.
That's not a compromise, man.
I'm doing any of that meeting halfway
junk.
Hey, hey, hey, mute, mute.
Look, the compromise I'm suggesting is
that we do all four things.
The dulcimer concert, the shoe show,
that
thing Lor wants to do, and the
Captain Dreadnought Convention.
Sounds okay to me?
Yeah, you should have
said that to begin with.
Then it's unanimous.
Now, let's vote on whose event we start
with.
Everyone take a napkin.
Aah!
Not quite what I had in mind.
Welcome to ShoeStravaganza, and here
we have Jared wearing the cargo shoe!
The very latest in athletic shoe fashion.
How long have we been here?
Somewjere between an hour
and a hundred thousand years.
Did I tell you guys this was going to be
exceptional?
Oh man
Good morning.
Athletic shoes are the wave of the future.
You can't have too many.
Um, I just counted my feet.
I think three is too many.
Up next, the new line of athletic sandals
from Tommy Hugo of New York.
Oh, man.
Tommy Hugo is the greatest.
Man, he doesn't just push the envelope.
He tears it open and
then reads the letter.
Who can afford these shoes?
Some of us have to get our shoes out of a
bin.
All these models have such thin feet!
We don't all have the figure to
wear that kind of stuff in public.
Okay, only one more hour,
then it's Lor's turn.
Yes!
But as an extra special
treat, I got us backstage
passes so we can meet
the shoes in person.
Aw!
Maybe I can get a picture with
my arm around the flip-flops.
So, what are we seeing again?
Traditional Scottish games.
It's gonna be incredible.
This competition puts all other sporting
events to shame.
Do they have cheerleaders?
No.
Do they have a halftime show?
No.
Do they have a cute mascot?
No.
So what do they have?
Haggis!
Get your haggis here~!
They've got haggis.
Anybody want some?
What is it?
If I told you what it was,
you'd never eat it.
In fact, you might never eat anything.
Again.
Ever.
Yum.
Okay, here comes the first event.
It's called the Caber Toss.
They take this like huge foam pole.
And then they see
how far they can
well..
toss it!
I don't know what's worse.
This or the shoe show?
I wonder if I'd look good in a kilt.
I think I sat in some haggis.
That's Bobby Roy.
He's a defending world record holder.
What kinda lame baby toss
was that, Bobby!?
Whatsa matter?
Your little kilt on too tight,
Robert?
This next event is gonna
blow you guys away.
It's called the Farmer's Walk.
It shows strength, balance, and courage.
The competitors lift big weights and walk
as far as they can without collapsing.
Right now, I'd like to
walk as far as I can.
There he goes!
Come on, McDougall!
Get the lead out!
At this rate he should finish
around the Winter Solstice.
You know what would make this perfect?
If the world came to an end?
No!
If we did the wave!
Okay, one, two, three!
Is it just me, or can you
not wait to go to Tish's thing?
You said it.
I'll remember this concert
for the rest of my life, which
should be about five minutes,
because this music is killing me.
To my ears, I'm already dead.
Why the long face?
You look like you just lost your best
friend.
If only that were true.
I just spent a year of my life sitting
through a two-hour dulcimer concert.
Now I know why it's called the dulcimer,
because it is dull.
Come on, things aren't that bad?
We all have to endure horrible things.
For instance, well, you're too young to
remember the lumbata.
Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just overreacting.
A mother knows what she's talking about.
A mother also knows when her
son has sheep on his breath.
It was haggis!
Lor forced us.
You ate haggis, and you complain
when I serve you tofu?
This is what I'm talking about.
I had to endure things today that could
permanently poison my system.
This is turning out to be the worst
weekend of my life.
Honey, you've got to learn to shake off the
disappointment and look on the bright side.
Okay, sure.
Uh, what bright side?
Think hard.
It'll come to you.
Well, I can look forward to the Captain
Dreadnought Convention tomorrow.
Yeah, that should pretty much make up for
the rest of the weekend.
See?
I told you things weren't so bad.
Now just give me one minute
and I'll finish mowing your dinner.
Guys, you're in store for the most fun
you've ever had.
We are going to meet in-person,
up close.
An actual guy dressed in a Captain
Dreadnought costume.
It'll be something we can tell our
grandchildren.
What are you stopping for, Carver?
You got a cramp or something?
Mm-hmm.
A cramp in my style.
This weekend I have watched
Scotsman grunt, listened to
dulcimer music, and almost spent
good money on a tam o' shanter!
There is no way I'm
going to hang out with a
room full of comic book
geeks for endless hours.
I'm with you.
We gotta draw the line somewhere.
Tino, I can appreciate
the artistic value
of some comic books,
but Captain Dreadnought?
All he does is blow people up and repeat
his catchphrase.
"No one is innocent."
Gimme a break.
But you can't bail on me.
You have to endure my boring event.
I endured all of yours.
Right.
So you know just how much
we don't wanna be here.
Yeah, but you
I just can't do it anymore.
Neither can I.
I'm outta here.
Fine.
So much for compromise.
I'll spend the day with my one true
friend.
Me!
I couldn't even enjoy the convention.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
But maybe you guys should compromise by
doing stuff you all like.
Like shooting pool?
Exactly.
But we do that all the time.
Um, hello?
You do it all the time
because you like it.
It may not be your absolute favorite
thing, but you all agree on it, right?
Don't you think that kind of compromise
makes a little more sense?
I guess so.
Hey, Mom.
You talk a pretty good line
about compromise, but I noticed
there's still a lot of tofu
on the menu around here.
The compromise is I don't serve you boiled
fish bladders anymore.
But that could change.
Earlier comment retracted!
Chili cheese fries and pool?
What's so special about this?
Absolutely nothin'.
You want special?
We can always hit another dulcimer concert.
No, no, no.
I get the point.
Ay, man.
Sorry we bailed on the Dreadnought thing.
It's okay.
I'm over it.
But we should make it up to you.
Yeah, Tino.
You stuck with us for all our events.
Come on, T.
We'll go to the Captain Dreadnought
Convention.
It won't be so bad.
Like I said, it's gonna
take a month to wash
all the geek off me,
but it wasn't so bad.
See, guys.
You had fun.
Maybe.
A little.
I did like the Dreadnoughted Cheerleaders.
Hey, we've still got a couple hours.
Who's up for pool?
Sounds good.
I am.
Meee~
So, I guess now we know it's not a good
compromise if it makes three out of four
people as miserable as
a snail in a salt shaker.
Ugh.
It's better to do stuff we all like.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Hey kids.
I mean, no one is innocent.
See ya.
Looks like defending the universe doesn't
pay as well as you think.
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna rethink
superhero as a career choice.
Later days.