The Weekenders (2000) s02e19 Episode Script
Tish's Hair
Behold, the magnificent pizza fish.
Ah, a school of ravenous
customer fish is caught in sand.
The defenseless pizza fish is
no match for their razor sharp teeth.
To us, it may seem cruel.
But this is nature's way.
So, you have to write
a five-page paper, huh?
Bummer.
Wait, did she say what size letters?
Afraid so.
Bummer.
Did she say what size
pages?
No, she did not!
I like the way you think.
Hey guys!
Tish, there you are?
What have they done to you?
It's great, huh?
People will definitely notice me now.
Well, they notice train wrecks.
Instead of being just
another brainiac, from now
on, I'll be a brainiac
with really cool hair.
I wouldn't call it cool.
I am so glad you guys like it.
I put so much work into it,
I woulda been crushed.
I'd call it fantastic.
Okay, it's not just us, right?
That hairstyle is uglier than a squirrel
that was run over by a truck.
Repeatedly!
A squirrel that was
ugly to start with.
Oh man, what are we
gonna do about this?
Where's Tish?
The beach won't wait forever.
She's doing a photo spread
for that new magazine.
I think it's called, "That's the Ugliest
Hair I've Ever Seen" Monthly.
Guys, we have to tell her.
If she goes to school
Monday with that hairdo,
she'll be humiliated for all time.
If she wants to go around looking like
she's got a monkey on her head,
maybe that's her business.
But she'll be mocked and ridiculed.
She'll have to lock herself
in her room for a month.
That could be an enriching life
experience.
Yeah, Chloe Montez did it, and I hear
she's doing a one woman show about it.
I agree that Tish's hair is
uglier than a bat's nostrils.
I just don't want to tell her.
She'll be crushed.
I think, we owe it to Tish to be honest.
Maybe you're right.
So when are you going to tell her?
Me?
Tell who what?
Oh hi.
Listen, Tish, I, uh, oh, weird.
It's about your --
My hair?
Oh, I get it.
You don't have to say any more.
Man, that's a relief.
'Cause I
You're worried that
with my new hair
I'll be too cool to
hang with you guys.
I'm Queen of the World~!
I couldn't do it.
Let's keep her out of sight until we can
figure out what to do.
But where can we go that we won't
run into anyone from school?
This place is amazing.
It's not just a furniture store.
It's a furniture superstore.
There's a restaurant, and a playground, and
a place where you can get your cat fixed.
Would someone please
tell me why we're here?
Why are Ruby and Percy here?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, guys.
What's up?
We're just here to get our cats fixed.
Whew! That was too close.
Hey !
What's going on?
Let me outta here!
Hope this thing didn't get damaged
when it fell down the stairs.
Yeah, it's going to Venezuela either way.
Why the heck did you do that!?
We were just kidding around.
Or it was an accident.
Fine.
Whatever.
Hey, here's a thought.
Why don't we do
something fun?!
Pool, the mall ?
Anything?!
I know what would be fun.
Plumbing through the ages.
Great idea, Lor.
How was I supposed to know that Ruby and
Percy are into 19th century bathroom fixtures?
What is with you guys?
You make me come here, and just when
I'm getting interested in Roman aqueducts,
you drag me out!
It's just that we have
such a full day planned.
Yeah, next stop.
The Ms Senior Bahia Bay pageant!
I hear there's gonna be a polka band.
Uh-huh..
You do what you want.
I'm outta here.
Well, what are we gonna do?
We can't keep this up all weekend.
Well, there is a way we can tell Tish about
her hair without actually telling her.
You mean take the coward's way out?
Exactly.
Coward's way sounds good.
I'm all over that coward thing.
What did you write in the note?
I wrote "Tish, you're making
a big mistake with your hair."
"Tish, you are making
a big mistake with your frog."
How could she have
gotten "frog" out of "hair"?
I thought you said your handwriting had
gotten better.
It has gotten better.
Nine out of ten words were readable.
Frog, of course, my science project.
How could I have made a mistake?!
Good afternoon, Mrs Katsufrakis.
I wonder if you might deliver
a message to your daughter.
My name, is of no consequence.
Could I have made an error
inputting the data?
Tishy, old woman on telephone
would like to purchase your hair.
I say no thanks to you, ma'am.
Yes?
Hello?
Hello?
I shall report you to Scotland Yard!
Tish, your hair is the pits.
This ought to do it.
I better just repeat the whole experiment.
Huh?
Now what did those signs say?
Tish, your hair is It!
I can't believe people
already know about my hair.
Is this a cool 'do, or what?
Spaghetti and meatballs, eh?
Okay, is it the spaghetti or the meatballs
I should worry about?
It's just normal spaghetti
and normal meatballs.
Why are you so paranoid?
Hmm, not bad.
Um, Mom, suppose you had a friend.
Is this about Tish's hair?
Get out of my head.
Tino, you should feel comfortable
being totally honest with Tish.
Yeah, that's what I
But you have to respect
people's feelings and
sometimes that means
keeping your opinions to yourself.
I see.
You have no idea
what I should do, do ya?
Not a clue.
You know, sometimes there just isn't a
right or wrong answer.
Hang on, the sauce.
What's in the sauce??
Just, you know, a little blue-green algae and
Don't look at me like that!
Great.
Now I gotta go wash my tongue.
Underpants!
The minute she walks in,
"Tish, your hair is ugly."
Okay? We're all agreed.
We have to be brutally honest, right?
Right.
Except for the brutally honest part.
Carver.
Underpants!
Hey, I'm still not sure we should tell her.
Is Tish being mad at us any better than
Tish being embarrassed at school tomorrow?
Tomorrow, the llamas make my head hurt.
Underpants!
Hey guys, feeling better today?
Like, not crazy?
Oh yeah, um, Tish.
What?
Underpants!
Uh, Lor has something she wants to tell you.
Lor.
Thank you so much.
Tish, what I want to say.
Stupid ugly dummy hair!
Underpants!
I'm glad someone could tell her.
That's right, ugly dummy hair.
Don't worry, someday
he'll develop a sense of style.
Tish, I don't think
That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!
Ouch.
I'm sorry I had to
find out that way, but
Yeah, Carver.
I can't believe she'd be
so mean about your shirt.
I mean, it is pretty awful, but I wasn't
gonna say anything.
My shirt?
What's wrong with my shirt?
Well, if you like it,
I guess that's what matters.
Okay, what's the plan?
Besides, Carver changing his shirt,
of course.
What are we doing here?
Nobody ever comes out here.
We thought we'd go someplace where we
wouldn't be seen.
'Cause seeing stuff all the time is
hard, on people's eyes.
Yeah, we wanted to give everyone's eyes
the rest by not making them look at so
much stuff, because without us around,
that's four less things to look at.
I think I covered that pretty well.
Aw yeah, smooooth.
Alright, what is going on?
Tish, we gotta be honest with you.
There's a reason we haven't
been going to our regular places.
We didn't want people to see you.
You keep talking
and it keeps not getting clearer.
The thing is
Did I mention we don't
want to hurt your feelings?
Ruby and Percy.
Dude, are they like following us or
something?
Quick, hide!
What are you doing?!
Cool hair, Tish.
It's da bomb.
Hey, thanks guys.
Nobody says "da bomb", anymore.
They say it on TV.
Those are reruns.
So what did you want to tell me?
You've got a loose thread there.
Ohhhhhh.
Thanks.
Hey, cool hair.. !
I feel pretty.
Did you see that?
I wish I could unsee it.
Tish, what happened to your hair?
I decided it wasn't really me.
And how could anyone
take me seriously as an artist,
with poofy buns on my head?
I don't know.
Do you think I'm making a mistake?
Not a mistake, exactly.
You'd tell me the truth, wouldn't you?
Of course.
We're your friends.
I can't believe you'd even ask.
So, is it a good thing we didn't tell her?
I'm not really sure.
But I am sure about this.
The only thing that should have buns on
either side of it, is a hamburger.
Okay, later days.
Ah, a school of ravenous
customer fish is caught in sand.
The defenseless pizza fish is
no match for their razor sharp teeth.
To us, it may seem cruel.
But this is nature's way.
So, you have to write
a five-page paper, huh?
Bummer.
Wait, did she say what size letters?
Afraid so.
Bummer.
Did she say what size
pages?
No, she did not!
I like the way you think.
Hey guys!
Tish, there you are?
What have they done to you?
It's great, huh?
People will definitely notice me now.
Well, they notice train wrecks.
Instead of being just
another brainiac, from now
on, I'll be a brainiac
with really cool hair.
I wouldn't call it cool.
I am so glad you guys like it.
I put so much work into it,
I woulda been crushed.
I'd call it fantastic.
Okay, it's not just us, right?
That hairstyle is uglier than a squirrel
that was run over by a truck.
Repeatedly!
A squirrel that was
ugly to start with.
Oh man, what are we
gonna do about this?
Where's Tish?
The beach won't wait forever.
She's doing a photo spread
for that new magazine.
I think it's called, "That's the Ugliest
Hair I've Ever Seen" Monthly.
Guys, we have to tell her.
If she goes to school
Monday with that hairdo,
she'll be humiliated for all time.
If she wants to go around looking like
she's got a monkey on her head,
maybe that's her business.
But she'll be mocked and ridiculed.
She'll have to lock herself
in her room for a month.
That could be an enriching life
experience.
Yeah, Chloe Montez did it, and I hear
she's doing a one woman show about it.
I agree that Tish's hair is
uglier than a bat's nostrils.
I just don't want to tell her.
She'll be crushed.
I think, we owe it to Tish to be honest.
Maybe you're right.
So when are you going to tell her?
Me?
Tell who what?
Oh hi.
Listen, Tish, I, uh, oh, weird.
It's about your --
My hair?
Oh, I get it.
You don't have to say any more.
Man, that's a relief.
'Cause I
You're worried that
with my new hair
I'll be too cool to
hang with you guys.
I'm Queen of the World~!
I couldn't do it.
Let's keep her out of sight until we can
figure out what to do.
But where can we go that we won't
run into anyone from school?
This place is amazing.
It's not just a furniture store.
It's a furniture superstore.
There's a restaurant, and a playground, and
a place where you can get your cat fixed.
Would someone please
tell me why we're here?
Why are Ruby and Percy here?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, guys.
What's up?
We're just here to get our cats fixed.
Whew! That was too close.
Hey !
What's going on?
Let me outta here!
Hope this thing didn't get damaged
when it fell down the stairs.
Yeah, it's going to Venezuela either way.
Why the heck did you do that!?
We were just kidding around.
Or it was an accident.
Fine.
Whatever.
Hey, here's a thought.
Why don't we do
something fun?!
Pool, the mall ?
Anything?!
I know what would be fun.
Plumbing through the ages.
Great idea, Lor.
How was I supposed to know that Ruby and
Percy are into 19th century bathroom fixtures?
What is with you guys?
You make me come here, and just when
I'm getting interested in Roman aqueducts,
you drag me out!
It's just that we have
such a full day planned.
Yeah, next stop.
The Ms Senior Bahia Bay pageant!
I hear there's gonna be a polka band.
Uh-huh..
You do what you want.
I'm outta here.
Well, what are we gonna do?
We can't keep this up all weekend.
Well, there is a way we can tell Tish about
her hair without actually telling her.
You mean take the coward's way out?
Exactly.
Coward's way sounds good.
I'm all over that coward thing.
What did you write in the note?
I wrote "Tish, you're making
a big mistake with your hair."
"Tish, you are making
a big mistake with your frog."
How could she have
gotten "frog" out of "hair"?
I thought you said your handwriting had
gotten better.
It has gotten better.
Nine out of ten words were readable.
Frog, of course, my science project.
How could I have made a mistake?!
Good afternoon, Mrs Katsufrakis.
I wonder if you might deliver
a message to your daughter.
My name, is of no consequence.
Could I have made an error
inputting the data?
Tishy, old woman on telephone
would like to purchase your hair.
I say no thanks to you, ma'am.
Yes?
Hello?
Hello?
I shall report you to Scotland Yard!
Tish, your hair is the pits.
This ought to do it.
I better just repeat the whole experiment.
Huh?
Now what did those signs say?
Tish, your hair is It!
I can't believe people
already know about my hair.
Is this a cool 'do, or what?
Spaghetti and meatballs, eh?
Okay, is it the spaghetti or the meatballs
I should worry about?
It's just normal spaghetti
and normal meatballs.
Why are you so paranoid?
Hmm, not bad.
Um, Mom, suppose you had a friend.
Is this about Tish's hair?
Get out of my head.
Tino, you should feel comfortable
being totally honest with Tish.
Yeah, that's what I
But you have to respect
people's feelings and
sometimes that means
keeping your opinions to yourself.
I see.
You have no idea
what I should do, do ya?
Not a clue.
You know, sometimes there just isn't a
right or wrong answer.
Hang on, the sauce.
What's in the sauce??
Just, you know, a little blue-green algae and
Don't look at me like that!
Great.
Now I gotta go wash my tongue.
Underpants!
The minute she walks in,
"Tish, your hair is ugly."
Okay? We're all agreed.
We have to be brutally honest, right?
Right.
Except for the brutally honest part.
Carver.
Underpants!
Hey, I'm still not sure we should tell her.
Is Tish being mad at us any better than
Tish being embarrassed at school tomorrow?
Tomorrow, the llamas make my head hurt.
Underpants!
Hey guys, feeling better today?
Like, not crazy?
Oh yeah, um, Tish.
What?
Underpants!
Uh, Lor has something she wants to tell you.
Lor.
Thank you so much.
Tish, what I want to say.
Stupid ugly dummy hair!
Underpants!
I'm glad someone could tell her.
That's right, ugly dummy hair.
Don't worry, someday
he'll develop a sense of style.
Tish, I don't think
That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!
Ouch.
I'm sorry I had to
find out that way, but
Yeah, Carver.
I can't believe she'd be
so mean about your shirt.
I mean, it is pretty awful, but I wasn't
gonna say anything.
My shirt?
What's wrong with my shirt?
Well, if you like it,
I guess that's what matters.
Okay, what's the plan?
Besides, Carver changing his shirt,
of course.
What are we doing here?
Nobody ever comes out here.
We thought we'd go someplace where we
wouldn't be seen.
'Cause seeing stuff all the time is
hard, on people's eyes.
Yeah, we wanted to give everyone's eyes
the rest by not making them look at so
much stuff, because without us around,
that's four less things to look at.
I think I covered that pretty well.
Aw yeah, smooooth.
Alright, what is going on?
Tish, we gotta be honest with you.
There's a reason we haven't
been going to our regular places.
We didn't want people to see you.
You keep talking
and it keeps not getting clearer.
The thing is
Did I mention we don't
want to hurt your feelings?
Ruby and Percy.
Dude, are they like following us or
something?
Quick, hide!
What are you doing?!
Cool hair, Tish.
It's da bomb.
Hey, thanks guys.
Nobody says "da bomb", anymore.
They say it on TV.
Those are reruns.
So what did you want to tell me?
You've got a loose thread there.
Ohhhhhh.
Thanks.
Hey, cool hair.. !
I feel pretty.
Did you see that?
I wish I could unsee it.
Tish, what happened to your hair?
I decided it wasn't really me.
And how could anyone
take me seriously as an artist,
with poofy buns on my head?
I don't know.
Do you think I'm making a mistake?
Not a mistake, exactly.
You'd tell me the truth, wouldn't you?
Of course.
We're your friends.
I can't believe you'd even ask.
So, is it a good thing we didn't tell her?
I'm not really sure.
But I am sure about this.
The only thing that should have buns on
either side of it, is a hamburger.
Okay, later days.