'Til Death s04e12 Episode Script

Perfect Couple

Hey, look, I got a great idea.
Let's accidentally run into each other In the cookie- cracker aisle in, like, 10 minutes.
Can we make it Because, I got to be honest with you, I am super excited about this.
My heart is pounding.
Honey, feel.
Oh, it is.
It's beating like a little jack rabbit.
You know what? Let's go back to 10 Because I'm going to need a few minutes to calm down here.
That's great.
Folks, what you're smelling here Are mini bacon burgers with maxi bacon flavor.
They come with tiny doughboy buns And little microwavable packets of sautéed onions.
Vegan butter spread.
Get it while it's Room temperature.
Any time you're ready, rookie.
I'm keeping one of these hot for you.
I would never eat one of those.
I would rather eat this disgusting, fake butter and die! Joy, we've been dying to get ahold of you.
- You have? - Yeah.
Uh Um, you know, It's just been a crazy time for us.
We're trying to plan a trip, and we are Totally confused.
Do we take a plane? Do we take a boat? How can a regular person be expected to make that decision? I mean, we're not professionals.
You don't want to handle that hot potato.
Leave that to the pros.
So, Joy, can you help us out? You would really be saving us.
Um, sure.
I'd love to.
I really didn't know that you had any idea That I was a travel agent.
- Oh, please.
- Uh, hello? Why do you think we're friends with you? I'm sorry that we didn't get back to you.
It's it was a family thing.
Have you guys ever seen singin' in the rain? I love singin' in the rain.
I just bought the fancy-pants commemorative dvd.
It's like gene kelly is kicking rain in your face.
Dripping wet.
Dripping wet.
That sounds like something you got to see.
Our tv has a bird in the back Just pecking out the picture.
Like on the Flintstones.
Of course.
Oh, gosh! Joy.
You know, we really should get together again.
We should.
We could see that dvd of yours And maybe have a little dinner or something.
I love it.
I love it.
That's fantastic.
That'd be great.
What are you guys doing tomorrow night? Nothing.
Hopefully, being with you.
Well, what do you say 7:00 - Perfect.
- All right.
I friggin' hate donuts.
You know, I really do like them.
Of course you do.
I guess I was just, you know, pmsing the other night.
Well, of course you were.
You should mark that on the calendar like I do.
They certainly paid attention to me today, didn't they? Oh, are you kidding me? They sure did.
I haven't felt that unpopular Since your dad found our special drawer.
I can't believe they both like musicals.
They don't like 'em.
They love 'em.
And they laughed at my Flintstones joke.
Oh, well, honey, that's just a great joke.
It is kind of weird, though, isn't it? What? Honey, honey, what's so weird How wonderful everything is turning out? Have you ever thought for a second That maybe life is just awesome? I mean, they hit on the very things That I told you bothered me.
You didn't tell them all that stuff That I told you the other night, did you? No.
'cause that would be insane.
Totally insane! Hello? I think I know insane.
I mean, a wife doesn't tell her husband Her innermost thoughts and insecurities In the privacy of their own bedroom Just to have them spewed out to perfect strangers In the frozen food aisle.
I mean, suddenly, they're so into my job.
They both love musicals.
She hates donuts.
Oh, my God, you told them! Yeah.
You know what, Joy? You're right.
I saw them first, and I told them, "oh, hey, my wife's ego is hurtin' bad, "so maybe you could say that you hate donuts, So we can all be friends," And then I pretended that I saw them For the first time when I was with you "oh, hi! My stars, what are you doing here?" We put on this whole, whole big show for your benefit.
Yeah, Joy.
You got me.
It does sound a little bit rid Ridiculous.
I'm sorry, baby.
It's just that I think After 20 years, a guy earns a little trust.
Is there anything that I can do? You want me to make you something? If you want to You can maybe put together an italian hoagie or something, With some chips on the side, hold the pepperoncinis.
You know what? Just whatever sandwich best says "I'm sorry.
" Folks, what you are experienci right now is My great-grandma's jambalaya.
All the ingredients have been sautéed, Pan-seared, and deep fried in veg-a-butter, Which is on sale for the low, low price of just 2.
99 Right over here.
Folks, I've got mini bacon burgers warming Right around the corner.
Come on! What's the matter, barry? Nobody wants your little baby burgers? You know what? I've seen hot shots like you come and go Mostly on to jobs, careers, and families, Pretty good stuff.
The point is, I am still here.
This is my house.
And I'm not going to let anyone take it away from me.
Hey, dave, get over here! What the hell's going on here? Hey, man, I'm just trying to move Some veg-a-butter for you, man.
Shrimp? Filet mignon? Lobster? Where did you get all this food? We're in a supermarket.
It's everywhere.
You're fired.
Clean out your locker.
I got a locker? Had a locker.
Now get your stuff And holy mackerel, this is delicious.
From scratch.
We just lost our prepared food guy.
Are you available? I just got fired.
So, I believe I am.
Would I be above or below barry? Who's barry? Hey, Eddie.
Joy, come here.
Come here! - Look at you.
- Oh, hi! All right.
Well, Make yourselves at home.
I'm running a little behind with the hors d'oeuvres.
I had a crazy day at work today.
At the travel agency! We can't wait to hear about that.
Whoo! Ok, honey! Here, please, come.
Oh, nice.
Right over there.
All right now.
You're do You're doing great, But you got to You got to bring it down a notch.
Really? Yeah.
What do you mean? Well, see, What you did yesterday at the supermarket, It was amazing! Actually, it was a little A little too amazing.
See, you were hitting everything Too perfectly.
You know? Her job, her love of musicals.
You know, you got to just ease a little on the nose.
But you told us to talk about those things.
Ok, look.
I don't think we have to point fingers, ok? All I'm trying toay is, Joy's getting a little suspicious.
Ok? So, you know, we just want to make it a little low key And let's be more natural, You know, like actually act like you're interested In what she has to say.
But we are interested in what she has to say.
We all are.
Ok! Who's ready for hors d'oeuvres? Ok, here she comes.
So just, you know, Just have fun and take my lead.
I've got stuffed mushrooms.
I don't know what they're stuffed with Hopefully, something that tastes better than mushrooms.
So So, Joy, tell us about this crazy day of yours.
Oh, well, it's just inside travel agency stuff.
I'm sure you don't want to hear about that, do you? Sure we do.
We're fascinated.
Well, we're not We're not fascinated, sweetie.
We're interested in a casual way.
Ok, well, Here's something that happened today that's kind of funny.
There's this family called the valenzuelas, And we booked them on a trip to venezuela.
So, all day long, we were like, "the valenzuelas are in venezuela.
" "in venezuela, there are in valenzuelas.
" All day.
Ok, what The hell is What's going on here? There's a fly.
What is going on? Nothing is going on.
You're telling a somewhat amusing tale, And people are just, you know, Appropriately laughing.
That's all.
Did he tell you That I wanted you to pay more attention to me? Uh, actually, I I don't I don't know what that means.
All right.
You know what? Stop it.
That is enough.
This is over now.
Joy, the truth is, Your husband did tell us to pay more attention to you, And then he thought you were on to us, So he told us to bring it down.
Frankly, this has all been very stressful.
I cannot believe you.
I've never been my embarrassed in my entire life.
Honey I don't know what to say.
You guys blew it.
And so, that night, President Truman went to bed Knowing that, in the morning, He would face a fateful decision.
You know who really would have enjoyed this? Stephen and Simona.
Boy, I really did love them.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode