Too Hot to Handle (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

Love, Sex or Money

1 Guilty Pleasures If you were in paradise Try and resist it if you like with these people Guilty pleasures and had to resist sex could you? Hell, no.
Nobody can keep it in their pants these days.
To the strip club! 'Cause hooking up is as easy as swiping right.
Oh, that one's fire.
So, obviously we found the hottest, horniest, commitment-phobic swipesters [woman.]
Everyone's, like, so horny! [grunting.]
and given them what they think is the most exotic and erotic summer of their lives - I think we just have a big orgy.
- [woman.]
What? only to reveal that one thing is off the menu.
[gasps and screams.]
What is this, some type of joke? - To make it worse, they can't even kiss.
- No! I'm starting to look at the fish differently! At stake is a prize of $100,000 - [man.]
Oh! - [woman.]
Oh my God! which will plummet if they get naughty.
I don't wanna cost more than three grand.
The question is, in a world without sex, will they form deeper and more meaningful connections? - Did you guys have sex? - We didn't.
Give me a hug.
- I got more respect for myself.
- Or will temptation be too [man.]
What, is it sincere now? hot Do you want to have sex? - to - [man.]
At this rate, - we ain't gonna have fuck-all in the pot.
- handle? [he laughs.]
My friends are gonna love this twist.
In less than 12 hours, our sexed-up singles will be hit with a no-sex sucker punch.
I'm talking full-on bang ban.
Thankfully, I don't have to break the news, as this luxury no-bone zone comes fully equipped with its own virtual guide.
[melodic chime.]
Hi, I'm Lana.
My purpose is to put the guests on the path towards making deeper and more meaningful connections.
[melodic chime.]
For the first 12 hours, Lana will be watching our horny guests in the wild, and she will be secretly gathering personal data before she lays down the sex ban.
Let's meet oblivious single number one.
Ooh, girl, please.
Are you kidding me? I would.
Oh, my God.
[excited squeal.]
Oh, God.
- [cork pops.]
- Woo-hoo! Here's to being the only one here! Hi, I'm Chloe.
I'm 20 years old.
I'm quite ditzy, as well, so you've just gotta be really patient with me, 'cause I'm not the brightest spark um in the book.
Dating apps are like a part-time job for me.
Because I just get so addicted to it, like - [phone chimes.]
- Oh, that was my phone.
It's on loud.
I'm so sorry.
Snapchat snapped me with a picture of his boxers! [squeals.]
No! Go away.
[she giggles.]
[she sighs.]
Oh, my God, I don't wanna see who's coming.
But then they'll see my small pancake bum.
I'll just turn round.
Oh, my God.
Please be a sexy boy.
Who are you expecting, Jeff from Finance? Although, this next guy is exceptional at picking up numbers.
Hi! Hi, how are you? Oh, my God.
He's got tattoos.
This is lit.
Do you drink? Uh, anything.
I'm Sharron, by the way.
- Lovely to meet you.
- Likewise.
Two kisses.
- What was your name, sorry? - Sharron.
Yourself? - Chloe.
- What are we toasting to? - Cheers.
Um - Cheers to - To beautiful people? - To beautiful people.
- Your eyes are gorgeous, too.
Oh, my God.
- Thank you.
Here we go.
I'm a feminist, yes.
I study Woman and Gender Studies at college.
If you really pay attention, you get the blueprint to how to pick up women.
[he laughs.]
I definitely play the field.
You can never have too many options.
That's why sports teams have players on the bench.
Definitely got a lot of people on the bench.
Anywhere I go, I can meet a woman.
In a grocery store, or I can meet a women in church.
I just actually signed up for Christian Mingle.
So, any Christians out there Hallelujah! What I'm most proud of is my penis.
I have this picture, and it's measured next to an air freshener can.
[he laughs.]
Oh, you gotta do one spin.
Just spin.
- Spin one time.
- Ohh.
I mean - Oh, sh - Oh my God, there's someone else coming.
Hallelujah! Something tells me that Sharron doesn't get this excited on Christian Mingle.
- Oh, my God, she's gorgeous! - Come down there? Come down here, babe.
Get a drink.
- Hi.
- [Sharron.]
Hey, how are you? - You look good.
- Thank you.
- Hi, I'm Haley.
- Chloe.
- Chloe? - Sharron.
Sharron? Got it.
- [Sharron.]
What's your type? - I love the tattoos.
- Yeah.
- [Chloe.]
Yeah, tattoos.
You have any? I have this one on my back.
It's not the best.
Can y'all see it? Mind if I? - What language is that? - I don't know.
You don't know? [Sharron.]
Are you serious? Rooh-rah, rooh-rah, who the hell are we? We're the Zeta Ladies, the best sorority.
Woo! [she giggles.]
I'm in a sorority at my college.
You have to be fun.
You have to be outgoing, um You kind of need to have good grades, too.
I go to a lot of frat parties.
Literally everyone's hammered.
A girl's broken her neck before, falling off the roof, but other than that, it's fun.
I do mostly go for guys, but if a girl looks just like me, I'm so into that.
Blond hair, big boobs, skinny, like, all that, like, I love that in a girl.
- I think you're bigger than me.
- No.
Yours are like - I mean - They look more like - More yeah? No.
- More jiggly! - Take them out and compare them.
- I feel like I think I'm ready for some more men.
- Oh, my God.
- Just what I ordered, a man from each hemisphere.
- There's boys coming in.
- Oh, there's two.
- Hi! - What's happening? - How are we? Naughty little quesadillas? - Looking fit.
- What's happening? I'm Harry.
- Haley.
Nice to meet you.
- Oh, accents! Oh, my God! - I'm Chloe.
Nice to meet you.
- Lovely to meet you.
- Oh, my God, you're massive.
Your accents! Oh, I'm in heaven.
If you come at me with an accent, oh, my I literally turn into butter.
Like, I just melt.
Especially, like, dirty talk.
Oh! Bring that here.
Reel it in.
Ooh, I got red.
My heart's racing.
Oh, my God.
So, I've hit everyone famous.
I've DMed Kourtney Kardashian, Kendall.
I hit her with, "Hello, my little butter chicken.
" But my success rate with celebrities is absolutely zero.
With any other girl, it's an instant response.
I think I'm quite cheeky, and I'm a bit of a cockatoo.
You just say one word, like, super loud at a bar, "Crikey.
" [he sighs.]
And then, boom, girls come over.
Like, let's go get some brunch.
[he laughs.]
- [Chloe.]
Got another bottle? - [David.]
A fresh bottle.
Have you guys got enough sun lotion on? [he laughs.]
- No, I've got nothing on.
- Not got any on? I've actually got some with me, coincidentally.
Smooth move, David.
- Bring them shoulders here.
- I don't know if I'm burning, though.
It's important, this, because you've got beautiful skin.
- You've got to keep it that way.
- You gonna be my personal doctor? - I've gotta look after you.
- [she laughs.]
- That was an excuse to touch my shoulders.
- A little bit, yeah.
- [Chloe laughs.]
- A little bit.
Rule Britannia! How do you describe the quintessential British gentleman? I just try to be a nice guy.
Do something my mum would be proud of at the end of the day.
Yeah, David: brains and brawn.
Hashtag "loves a sex party.
" [laughs.]
I don't really have lines.
I don't really have, like, a strategy.
Basically, I just walk into a bar and take my shirt off.
If you hear how many girls I've slept with, you might make a judgment, but if you think about it from a long-term perspective, it's not as bad as you might think.
I don't want to share that number, exactly.
A gentleman doesn't say.
Cheers to sexy people.
Our sexy singletons are hot, horny, and completely clueless.
They think they're here for a hedonistic holiday, but in less than 12 hours, they will be pushed on the path toward relationship enlightenment.
Chill out, beardy.
She ain't even your species.
Oh, shit! [others exclaim.]
What up, you naughty little possum? [Chloe.]
Oh, my God! - Yes.
- I'm Harry.
- Hi, Harry.
- How are you? - Good.
How are you? - Amazing.
You nervous? Not really.
You? - Hey.
Nice to meet you.
- Sharron.
Nice to meet you.
- You're gorgeous.
- All right, let's Ooh.
[she giggles.]
This lighting is perfect.
[camera clicks.]
Oh, that one's fire.
I have 310,000 followers right now.
It goes up usually every single day.
I think my personality is my best asset, but the eyes go to the boobs.
But, like, my face isn't too bad, I don't think, so Usually, if a guy is hot and I want him, it's just like Do a little hair flip.
Just, like, make eye contact, and it's game over.
I win.
- What do you do? Are you a model? - Yeah.
I can see why.
[relaxed music plays.]
Just in case the music isn't hammering it home, this guy is, like, totally chill.
So chill, in fact, that he's dressed for winter.
- We've got a new addition to the squad.
- Oh, my God.
- What's up, man? - What's up, dude? [David.]
Get in here.
- [David.]
Come on in.
- This is a fit group.
I love the commitment to the look in this heat, wearing a beanie.
That's strong, mate.
Is it a religious thing? [Matthew.]
This is just my swag, man.
I wanna know what's underneath the hat.
Don't judge.
[she gasps.]
- [Chloe.]
It smells amazing! - Well, I shower sometimes.
- Who is this Jesus character? - Right, good decisions.
He does kinda look like Jesus.
I bet he'd do well on Christian Mingle.
I am a deep thinker.
I think about everything a lot.
Monogamy is something that I sometimes question.
I've often joked about, like, spreading my seed and just kind of rolling the dice of my genetic build with different women and races around the world.
[he laughs.]
Sexually, I'm a lot to handle.
You're not wrong.
I think I've conceived just watching you.
Get ready for some double trouble.
Oh! We got two new ones.
- Hey, girls.
- [Harry.]
Oh, my God.
- Hello.
How are you? - How are you doing? - I'm Nicole.
- Nice to meet you.
- How are you? Nicole.
- David.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- I'm Sharron.
- How are you? Nice to meet you.
- What's your name? - Rhonda.
- Rhonda, nice to meet you.
- Everyone's so gorgeous.
- For you.
- Oh, my gosh.
I would rate myself a ten out of ten.
I got a nice butt.
A woman should carry their self with confidence, stand tall, and always strive to be better.
I feel like, if you're a woman, you can do anything that a man can.
When I go to the grocery store, I'm not just going in flip flops and jeans.
Like, I'm looking my best.
You never know who you're gonna bump into.
My ideal type of guy, they need to have a job.
Please, dear Lord, have a job.
Tattoos are a plus.
Like, I like to be kind of spoiled a little bit.
[she laughs.]
Tattoos and a job? Some girls really want it all.
So, what's your type? Goofy.
Has some body to them, like, you know, not scrawny.
- Which, we don't have any of those.
- Yeah.
So, yeah, I'm pretty happy right now.
You all look so fab.
- I've heard in Ireland, you love to drink.
- Okay.
- [Chloe.]
Is that true? - Oh, like, I'm a professional drinker.
I'm a big party girl.
It's probably the Irish in me.
I was in an all-girls school run by nuns.
It's really religious and Catholic.
Everyone knows your business.
Now, I just get with anyone, and no one ever knows.
The lads that I've been dating, within three dates, they tell me that they're, like, falling for me.
And then I'm like, "Eww, no.
" Then I just give them the snip.
Smart girl.
Saves on contraception.
Ireland is in, like, the same land mass as England? Whoa! - You can't laugh at me.
- What do you mean? No.
Ireland's a different country.
We're almost a full house.
Oh, hello.
Yes, please.
Thank you, producers! - [Rhonda screams.]
Hello! - [Francesca whoops.]
- My man! - Damn! This place is amazing, man.
- What's happening? - Hey, I'm David.
- I'm Kelz.
- Nice to meet you.
So, is he your type? - He's a big guy, though, you know.
- [Haley.]
He's very cute.
He can toss me a few miles.
- Francesca.
- Hi, Francesca.
I'm Kelz.
- What's your name? Sorry.
- Kelz.
What a fucking sort.
He's like Zeus.
I'm Kelz, and I'm king of the jungle.
That's right.
I never look at competition.
There can only be one alpha male.
I've got a lion tattoo here.
It's basically how I see myself.
Lion King was always my favorite movie.
I don't really do relationships.
Getting girls, for me, has never really been a problem.
Ballpark figure, I've played FIFA more times than I've slept with girls.
It's less than a thousand.
As margins go, that seems pretty big.
- We're gonna have fun here.
- For real.
We're gonna turn up, bro.
- You already know.
- Hundred percent.
Ah, look at them.
Beautifully naive wannabe reality stars who think they're here for a sex-packed summer.
They have no idea that Lana is secretly gathering information about their behavior.
Go ahead.
Tell them, honey.
[melodic chime.]
I will observe the guests and analyze their behavior in order to help them on the path towards better relationships.
Once 12 hours has elapsed, they'll have to adhere to the rules of this retreat.
I hear you, girl.
There's no time to waste.
Fortunately, this lot need no encouragement.
I'm amazed they're not horizontal already.
Who do you fancy? Is that what she just said? No way! I think the two next to Jesus.
- [Haley.]
Shorter? - Mm-hmm.
With spiky hair.
He's cute.
He's from London.
Do you like the accent? I know, it's gonna rub off on me.
This place is so crazy.
It's full of sexy men.
So, we have Sharron, and then David.
Now I'm just, like, ready to just jump on them like a baby cheetah.
Just grab a hold of one of them, and just pull them into my web, you know? I would ruin Harry.
[they squeal.]
I wonder if Meghan Markle ever said that.
Harry is just He's tall.
Like six-five tall.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, Harry caught my eye straight away.
- First impressions of Francesca? - I think she's nice.
She's right here.
Francesca? - Shall we have a chat? - Bye, leaving you.
[they laugh.]
Who's your favorite? All of them.
Who's yours? - I fancy Harry.
- Okay, yeah.
I love Harry.
I think he's great.
- Yeah.
- Love him? Whoa! - [Francesca.]
No, like - I'm joking.
There is so many really hot options in this house.
David's body, I want to lick it.
Kelz's body, I want to lick it.
Harry's body, I want to lick it.
I haven't seen Jesus' body yet, but I probably would lick it too, to be honest.
So come and get it.
The girls have had their boxes well and truly ticked.
So who's meeting the mark for the boys? What do you think of the girls? Pretty insane, to be fair.
- We got - Don't you think? [David.]
At first impressions, Rhonda, and she's got a fantastic bum.
I need to have a little chat with Rhonda, because, let's be honest, having an English accent in America is like having a 12-inch dick.
Yeah, that's right, David.
What is your type? You know, I would like a mix between Francesca and Haley.
[Sharron laughs.]
- Take them both! - Yeah.
Francesca looks good, top half, amazing.
Haley's got a great ass.
I'm a bum person.
Francesca Being the alpha, I'm not chasing.
If you chase something, all it does is run.
A man like Kelz is a star.
I've got my own gravitational force.
What's your goal? My goal is to reel 'em in, bro! To reel 'em in! Everyone's hot.
We just got every flavor a man could imagine.
We got vanilla bean.
to caramel to butter pecan.
Like, this is heaven on earth.
And we have Jesus.
Hallelujah! This is literally heaven on earth.
It's not fair, bro.
I'm the shortest guy here.
You can say, like, first, I was the only black guy.
Cool, I had something going for me.
Now, I got a big black guy - It's, like, yo, I'm not Bro, what? - Okay, I see how You're not defined by your height and race, though.
- You're not, but it plays a part.
- [David.]
You're not.
I'm sure you've got good chat, no? Most people I know that are that short have good chat.
- Not "that short.
" - "That short?" Bro, wait! - What are you trying to say? - [Kelz.]
Ah! - You're taking shots! - You know what I mean.
Two hours in, and our playas and playettes have already locked their targets into their sights.
All that's left to do is lock down their beds where the magic won't happen.
Last one to the bedroom gets to sleep alone! [Harry groans and laughs.]
- Let's go.
- [Chloe.]
I can't run in my heels.
- [Haley.]
Oh, my God! - [all squeal.]
[whoops and giggles.]
Oh, my These beds are tiny.
I found out that the beds don't make much sound, and you can get quite a good rhythm.
These beds are sweet for what type of carnage I wanna do to Francesca.
She's probably the most gorgeous girl I've ever laid eyes on.
Um Look, I've got big plans.
- What is this? - [Kelz.]
- Ooh, I bet it blows out pheromones.
- [Haley.]
A lava lamp? It's gonna blow out pheromones and we're all gonna get real wild and be like Quite the opposite, Rhonda.
I'm taking it all in.
Yep, if they only knew.
Oh, shit! - What? - We got stacks! [they whoop and cheer.]
[laughter and shouting.]
Oh, flavored ones! I like the international vibe.
Harry's from Australia, and I literally have no idea where that is.
Kelz has a beautiful accent.
I can't really understand him.
But everyone's accent that isn't American sounds the same.
It's all blending together for me.
Rooh-rah, rooh-rah Who the hell are we? We're the Zeta Ladies And we don't know geography Turn it up Oh, oh-oh Turn it up Oh, oh-oh - How big were your boobs before? - They were big.
Lana's clock is ticking, and after consulting his playa's handbook, David is wasting no time making the first move, striking while the Rhonda is hot.
Can I join you? - Of course.
- I'll sit on this one.
Sorry about my shorts.
They're a bit tight.
- Keep your eyes up here, yeah? - [Rhonda giggles.]
- You saw me look down.
- Stop.
Straight away.
You can't be looking at me like that.
I'm not.
It's the sun, you know.
It's in my eyes.
But it might look like I'm - Giving it - giving you eye.
Bit of that.
Am I Would I be, like, your type? You would be.
'Cause, like, you know, tattoos is a turn-on.
I was, like, "Oh, he's got a little" So where where would I possibly go in that wolf pack? Maybe like a little baby cheetah or something.
- A cheetah? Is that what you are? - Yeah.
A little cheetah? I keep my eye on what I want.
I kinda go for it.
So, a baby cheetah.
- [David laughs.]
- Quiet.
- I sneak up on you.
- And then devour me? I mean, if you want to.
How you feeling sat out in the sun? It's quite hot, right? - It is.
- Looking like you need a bit of lotion.
I do.
Can I get some? How many bottles of sunscreen did this guy bring? - [David.]
Oh, shit.
- You can, like [David.]
You're just turning it over.
- [Rhonda.]
Does that work? - [David.]
That works well.
Maybe we should probably just go like that to start with.
Very peachy.
Someone's showing off their best ass-et.
- You have great hands, too.
- Yeah? - I know how to use them.
- Get in there.
- Right.
That is - You're enjoying that too much.
- Yeah! - [they laugh.]
- That's it? - That's a great peach.
- [Rhonda.]
Kinda comes naturally.
- [David.]
- Thank you.
- Okay! I'm definitely feeling David.
He seems like the guy that can handle me.
You know, he's got the muscles.
He's got the abs.
Pretty eyes.
Pretty blue eyes.
Jesus Christ, pretty blue eyes.
And great, sexy, British, London accents and It's a whole sexual, just ball of fun.
Um Thanks for letting me rub lotion on you.
[he laughs.]
No, I'm glad you noticed me over here cooking, you know? To be honest, if I wanted to, I probably could've kissed her.
Um [clears throat.]
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
So, don't need to be jumping the gun too early.
No, David, it is a sprint, because in less than eight hours' time, a talking air freshener is going to cockblock you.
[melodic chime.]
While Kelz is waiting for his gravitational force to pull Francesca into his orbit, he's seeking wisdom from wise man Matthew.
Matt, look, you're deep like me.
You're a thinker.
Nothing escapes your mind.
What do you think about Francesca? - She's cool, man, honestly.
- Honesty is the best policy.
Boom! Just coming on with the one-liners.
Pow! - What are you saying, bro? - She's crazy.
She's jokes, man.
She can be a bit air-headed.
[Kelz laughs.]
But that's adorable, innit? That's cute.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
American girls have this tendency of doing it on purpose.
- [Chloe.]
Catch you in a bit.
- See you.
Hey, you're beautiful.
I like you in red.
Keep it going.
- [Chloe.]
I love red.
- You stand out.
All right.
- Who you looking at? Who you thinking? - I'm interested in Chloe.
She's good-looking.
I like that look, dark hair.
I like model-looking girls, skinny.
You see yourself with her long term? [scoffs.]
Bro I don't even know if I really believe in marriage.
When I say "long term," I mean, like, four weeks.
No, bro.
Earlier, David gave Rhonda a great British butt massage, and now it seems that Sharron is hoping for his own happy ending.
All the ladies look great, but I think I had my eye on Rhonda.
She's standing out a little bit more than everyone else.
This is the opportunity for me to show who I am and how dominant I can be.
Oh, jeez.
- What's all this? - What's up? You miss me? Uh, no.
Come here.
On that little-ass chair? Come on.
You can sit right here.
All right, cover that thing up.
- [Rhonda.]
- [Sharron.]
He tame, look.
Should I call animal control? [Sharron laughs.]
Don't mess with them, they won't bother you.
Oh, jeez, real classy, buddy.
Let's get comfortable.
[she sighs.]
Don't get too excited, now.
I think you looked a little lonely over here.
- A little bit, but I was all right.
- Yeah.
I think you was hoping I came down here to see you.
[she giggles.]
That's why you been down here so long, huh? I feel like you don't know what you want, anyway.
- Why you figure that? - 'Cause.
- You be staring at me.
- I don't be staring at you.
Your eyes is sending a message that your mouth won't say.
I feel comfortable right here.
I can get used to this.
Yeah? What, with me right here, or are you just comfortable here? Obviously, with you right here.
[she laughs and groans.]
- Why you smiling? - [she laughs.]
Zero to sexy in less than a day.
[they giggle.]
Sharron's super-confident.
He's my ideal guy.
And David, we haven't had that fluid conversation like me and Sharron have had.
I'm gonna walk with the pillow.
You good? [laughs.]
[she laughs.]
Things are definitely spicing up between Rhonda and I.
- I'm going to go all the way.
- Poor Sharron.
He has no idea that Lana's gonna take the wind out of his sails.
[he laughs.]
Still blissfully unaware of the impending sex drought, the girls are getting glammed up for the night.
- Where the ladies? - Girls take the longest.
Always, bro.
While Harry is opening up to the boys a little too much.
I feel like every girl you sleep with falls in love with you.
Uh I kinda have that problem because I give them boyfriend dick, and then it's like [David.]
What's "boyfriend dick"? It's like, it's not too big, not too small, just perfect, looks pretty.
- They're like, "This is my boyfriend.
" - It's just the right size? So, you're saying girls fall in love with you because they go, "Well, that's maintainable.
" [laughter.]
If someone was to ask me, "Matt, I would like your professional opinion on how to get a girl interested," I would never just be like, "Oh, God.
Yes, let me tell you Tell them you got a tiny little dick that they can ride all day long.
They love that shit, man.
" - How do you feel about girls that smoke? - No way, Jose.
Okay, say Francesca? Sweet.
I'm a smoker now, as well.
[they chat and giggle.]
- [Chloe.]
Hold on to me, babe.
- Wow.
Oi, oi! [Harry.]
Here they are.
[whoops and cheers.]
Hey there, sexies! - Hey! - [they applaud.]
Here we go! - [Harry.]
You look amazing.
- Get this party started! [David.]
Come on then, mate.
[upbeat music plays.]
Everyone is, like, sexual, like proper sexual.
- So, how down are you guys? - What do you mean, how down? [Sharron.]
How down? So, we'll play the blindfold game, guys.
There's no rules.
Do whatever.
Kiss, feel, touch, smell.
We can do whatever.
And we gotta figure out who did what.
Why not? Seems like the perfect icebreaker for a bunch of people who met nine hours ago.
[Harry sighs.]
[whistles and cheers.]
[he chuckles.]
- His heart almost stopped.
- Yeah! [laughs.]
Uh [laughs.]
- Was it you? - [laughter.]
You wish.
- [laughter.]
- [Harry.]
It wasn't? - Why did you think it was her? - I don't know.
Thanks, Harry.
He didn't even think it was me that kissed him! I mean - [Harry.]
Yes! - [Kelz.]
Oi, oi! [Harry.]
Here we go.
Oh, okay.
Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God! - Oh, my God! - Yes! The guys are unbelievable.
Like, drooling at them.
I want to get down and dirty with a few of them.
You know what I mean? I'm pretty sure I know what you mean.
You're not being that subtle.
And he's blindfolded.
He's proper undressing, like.
- [squealing.]
- [Kelz.]
He trained for this! [Kelz laughs.]
Let's do it! [Rhonda.]
I'm going in for the kill.
'Cause one good kiss doesn't mean they're all good kisses.
So, we have to see.
Oh, shit.
- [David.]
Oh! - [laughter.]
That game really did highlight to me how they've been getting along.
There's plenty more days for Rhonda to pick the right guy.
[he laughs.]
Ooh, fair game.
I'm just gonna go straight in the deep end, let the boys know that I am all for Francesca.
And show a bit of dominance.
[they giggle.]
This girl's gone weak at the knees.
Harry's got his eye on Francesca.
The perfect one.
- [Nicole.]
Wow! - [Kelz.]
How did you know? Um I don't know.
The kiss was magical, and all we wanna do is rip each other's clothes off.
It's kind of hot.
Better move quick, 'cause Lana's about to go pee-pee on your picnic.
[they laugh.]
While the girls are being model reality show contestants, and changing their clothes for the 17th time, Francesca has spotted the perfect moment to pounce on her man.
[Harry groans.]
Francesca is just drop-dead gorgeous.
We have got some tension built up from this night, like, it is tipping point.
You are doing something to me.
Stop, you're turning me on.
I'm actually just gonna have to chill here for a bit.
I'm actually hard.
[he laughs.]
- Stop making me so hard.
- Sorry! Who likes who? We need to be on the same page.
- We need to wing-woman each other.
- [melodic chime.]
Oh, my God.
- My heart.
- What was that? Whoa! Are we in Star Trek? Did we say something to turn that shit on? Yeah.
- [melodic chime.]
- Oh, what the fuck is that? - What is this? - Why is it doing that? Is that an alarm? Hello.
I'm Lana.
- Hi, Lana.
- Hi, Lana.
- What the fuck is that? - What is going on? Welcome to your first night at the retreat.
I hope the accommodation is to your liking.
It's perfect.
We love it.
We just want our own room.
I must say, you are all aesthetically pleasing - to the artificial eye.
- [laughter.]
- Oh! She's such a babe! - That's so cute.
- Thank you.
- You as well, Lana.
You look great.
I love your cone.
Quite purple.
Now, I must ask you to make your way to the palapa.
I don't want to.
Hurry up, lovebirds.
I haven't got all night.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Don't hack my phone.
- [Francesca laughs.]
That was so weird.
For the last 12 hours, Lana has been in full-on spy mode, gathering data on our sexy serial swipers.
But, unfortunately for them, it's about to become information overload.
All right, bruh, it's time to go.
[melodic chime.]
- Oh, shit.
- [Chloe screams.]
I'm your virtual guide.
Hey, Siri! Oi! Actually, my name is Lana.
Hello, babe.
Lana's sounding kind of hot.
She's got a real polite voice, hasn't she? [imitates Lana.]
"Hello, sexy David.
You look nice today.
" Boys, she's a computer! [Lana.]
However, you are not here for the reasons you may think.
This is part of the scary movie where the black people start running.
[Sharron yells.]
In the last 12 hours, I have been observing you, learning about your behavior.
It has been most insightful.
All right, she's a bit weird.
You have been specially selected because all of you are having meaningless flings over genuine relationships.
Oh, my God.
Wow! The purpose of this retreat is to help you gain deeper emotional connections in your personal relationships.
You'll have platonic friendships with women.
[Sharron laughs.]
This is crazy! Bruh.
[they laugh.]
As an incentive to your development, I've allocated a prize of $100,000.
[they cheer and laugh.]
No fucking way! Let's fucking go.
I'm gonna make sure I get my money.
I'm gonna get my nose job, get my credit card paid off.
No more debt for me.
What do you think we have to do to win the money? [Chloe.]
If it's washing up and cooking, I'm fucked.
[David and Matthew laugh.]
- What would you do with 100K? - To the strip club! It's like [Lana.]
However, there are conditions to your stay here.
Jesus, here we go.
This calls for tension music.
[tense music plays.]
Is this not, like, freaking youse out? Is anyone else going to fucking puke? You will have to abstain from sexual practices for the entirety of your stay.
[Chloe yells.]
I don't know a man - that's gone a month without getting off.
- I've never been that long.
- That means no kissing.
- What? - This is bullshit.
- She just said "no kissing.
" That's it.
- No heavy petting - This is literally bullshit.
or sex of any kind.
- Yo, no way.
- Great.
Can Lana continue now, Harry? Yep.
This will also apply to self-gratification.
- Fuck! I knew that was coming.
- [Chloe.]
What does that mean? - No masturbation.
- No masturbating.
- [Kelz gasps.]
- What? [Chloe.]
Oh, my God! Shoulda knocked one out yesterday.
There's never been this amount of time where I've gone without anything.
Without beating my own meat, or even having sex.
It's definitely a setup.
- Right, okay.
No sex of any kind.
- No.
Money will be deducted from the prize for any sexual activity.
No! [groans.]
Oh, my God.
[she groans.]
Why? [narrator.]
These guys are screwed God, this is gonna be hard.
just not in the way they want to be.
I'm sure I can keep my legs closed for 100K.
If I'm tempted, I'll be like, "Think of your nan!” [narrator.]
Oh dear, this lot are gonna have a long hard summer.
- [melodic chime.]
- [Lana.]
Welcome to the retreat.
[Kelz groans.]
Plot twist.
- [narrator.]
Coming up - There has been a breach of the rules.
[he squeals.]
Old habits die hard.
Lana isn't the police.
- [squealing.]
- It's coming.
Wow! We ain't gonna have fuck all left in the pot.
- [they squeal.]
- And there's another big twist.
They are going to pay.
I would love if we lost everyone money.
What? No! Turn it up Oh, oh-oh Turn it up Oh, oh-oh Turn it up Oh, oh-oh Turn it up Oh, oh-oh Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me
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