Too Hot to Handle (2020) s02e01 Episode Script

C**kblocked by a Cone

1 [serene music playing.]
If the last year of lockdown has taught us anything, it's that deeper connections are more important than ever, right? Wrong.
[dance music playing.]
It just means the world's players and the play-ettes are hornier than ever.
[all cheering.]
I'm telling you, harder! - One, two.
In, out.
- [laughs.]
I just wanna have sex.
[gasps, laughs.]
That's why we've got ten new super-hot super-spreaders, who are putting casual hookups before real relationships.
I love men.
I just cannot resist.
And they have no idea that a talking air freshener - [melodic chime.]
- Hello.
I'm Lana.
Your virtual guide.
is going to hit them with a brutal sex ban.
No kissing.
Wait, what? [Lana.]
No heavy petting.
[woman 1.]
I can't believe this is happening.
And no sex.
Sorry, what? [host.]
And when all rumpy pumpy is ruled out, the 100 grand prize fund's in big trouble.
- How do you say "we're fucked" in French? - [speaking French.]
- [group repeating French.]
- [laughs.]
Let's go have sex.
This breach of the rules - has resulted in a deduction of $21,000.
- [all scream.]
- Oh my God! - [Lana.]
$3,000, $7,000, $12,000.
What? This is crazy.
We're gonna end up broke.
The question is, will Lana's rules and lessons lead to deeper, more meaningful relationships? If this is what love feels like, I don't ever wanna lose it.
That really brought a lot of emotion that I didn't even know I had.
I feel like I haven't felt that [laughing.]
Oh my God! [host.]
Or will temptation be - [woman 2 laughs.]
- Wow.
- too - [gasps.]
Really bad penis.
- hot - Okay.
Get me in the bedroom, and not for sleep.
- to - Do you wanna shower with me? [groans.]
I am so horny right now.
handle? [dramatic music playing.]
Sorry, big guy.
It's not my fault.
I didn't know what we were getting into, did I? [upbeat music playing.]
Okay, so we've got a new season and a new super glam retreat in Turks and Caicos.
But I know what you're thinking.
How'd we manage to convince ten newbies to lock up their genitals and give Lana the key? Well, the producers ain't dumb.
Our guests think they're here to run wild on a totally made-up show called Parties in Paradise.
We even got a hunky, fake host.
For 12 hours, our hyped-up horndogs will have no idea that Lana's hidden away, waiting to set them on a path to self-enlightenment.
- [melodic chime.]
- [Lana.]
I will secretly gather data on their behavior before I reveal myself and initiate the sex ban.
Okay, well, if we're only hours from impact, let's not waste our time.
Get those hotties in here stat.
Kiss me like summer [host.]
And since it's Season 2, why not double down on that hotness? Damn, girls! Never be another like you Yeah, 'cause you kiss me like summer And I'm falling for you Summer afternoon [both gasp.]
- Oh my God! [laughs.]
- [squeals, laughs.]
- [host.]
I think they like it.
- [screams.]
- [Carly.]
Oh my Lord.
- [Melinda.]
Oh my God! [gasps.]
- Oh my God! Can you believe this? - [Carly laughs.]
Oh my God! [gasps, screams excitedly.]
We're in paradise! This is undone [screams.]
No one owns me.
I own me.
'Cause I'm a firecracker.
[groovy music playing.]
My name is Melinda.
I'm from Brooklyn, New York, and I'm a model.
My forehead is shiny.
I need a guy to adore me.
I need compliments.
I need a guy to tell me how pretty I look.
Was that too shallow? I hope not.
I do have limits in the bedroom.
Do not pull my hair.
Don't touch my wigs.
But I love a good ass smack.
Oh! Smack it! Whoo! [laughs.]
I always got options.
I'm the predator.
I am on the hunt.
- You have your nipple pierced.
I do too.
- [screams.]
Yes! - My tongue too.
- [Melinda.]
Let me see.
- I see.
That's dope.
- And all my ears.
I did them.
- You did that? Yourself? - Yeah.
Okay, you're risky.
I love that.
[rock and roll music playing.]
I hate rules, and I do not follow them.
Set me free Be my little rock and roll girlfriend I'm a little bit of a maneater.
Just a little, little bit.
Whoa-ho, set me free Usually what I look for in a guy is just like a one-night hangout.
Oh, yeah! Commitment kind of scares me.
I've committed probably twice.
I was with my ex-boyfriend at a bar, and I left him and was with a guy in front of him that I used to see before him, in front of his face.
I'm crazy.
I'm here to have fun.
I'm not here to be in a relationship or to find someone to fall in love with.
Hundred percent.
What kind of guys are you expecting to walk in? - Hmm.
I hope tall.
- Ooh! I could go for chocolate, vanilla, caramel.
Oh! I'm like, "I want this.
Ooh, I wanna taste that.
I wanna" Ooh, yeah.
I'm already getting excited just thinking about it.
I also like bald guys.
Is that weird? [laughs.]
You lost me right there, girl.
You lost me.
Sorry, girl, we are fresh out of baldies.
["Bad Man" playing.]
But here's one scoop of vanilla coming right up.
Ooh-whee! I got a feeling this hunk is no stranger to being covered in cream.
- [exhales.]
- [Carly gasps.]
I'm a, I'm a bad man - Oh my gosh, hello.
- Hello.
- [Nathan.]
- Yes, welcome.
- Do you mind if I sandwich in between you? - Yeah, come.
- Nathan.
- Melinda.
- [Nathan.]
- Carly.
- Carly.
Guess where I'm from.
- Ireland? - England.
Like from where? - Yes, but I live in Texas.
My ex is from England.
- He is? So you're into English guys, huh? - Yeah.
- Sometimes.
- Let me just scoot a little closer.
- [Carly.]
What do you do? - Have you ever seen Magic Mike? - [Carly.]
- That's what I do.
- You're a stripper? - Yes.
- I think that's fucking hot.
- [Carly.]
That's hot.
- I'm drooling.
- Can you do a striptease now? - I'll sit for you.
- Oh God, yes.
I can't give out all my moves in the first five minutes.
I don't think I'll be needing this.
[Western music playing.]
There's two fantasies that girls have in America.
It's an English guy and a cowboy, so I thought, "Let's combine the two.
" I did have my heart broken, so I feel like I deserve casual sex wherever I want, whenever I want.
Being a British guy living in America, you don't really need to have any game.
All you need to say is, "Good morning," or, "Harry Potter.
" It's done.
[cinematic music playing.]
I'm your cowboy Take me to your rodeo [Nathan.]
Being a stripper, you're just a very sexual person.
Women just expect me to know exactly what I'm doing.
I leave them very satisfied.
Am I undeniably sexy? Uh Yes.
- You both have me beat on the ass front.
- [Melinda laughs.]
Let's do it.
Come on.
- Let's bring it in.
Come on.
- Wow.
Bring it in.
It looks like Magic Mike has found his two glamorous ass-istants.
- [Nathan.]
Dear God.
- You gotta cup that.
- I'm getting it.
- Get that muscle.
Get that muscle.
- Something's moving in his pants.
- [all laugh.]
You can see it already? Cheers to a fantastic night between the three of us tonight.
- Cheers.
- I'm touching.
 I'm touching.
Whoa! Hold your horses, cowboy, 'cause here comes another butt for you to inspect, along with its smoking hot owner.
Hey! Let's party like it's Friday 'Cause everyday's a weekend Let's light it up like Broadway - Welcome.
- Damn! Hi.
- [Melinda.]
- [Emily.]
How are you? - They really thought this through.
- Emily.
Lovely to meet you.
Yeah, seriously, producers, what is the opposite of a sausage party? Jesus.
How nice is this? - [Carly and Melinda.]
It's gorgeous! - Honestly.
- [Nathan.]
Are you into girls or guys? - I'm into everything.
- [Nathan.]
I lucked out here.
- I'm hot already.
Yeah, like why the hell not? I'm greedy.
What can I say? [laughs.]
God, it's so hot.
Am I sweating? Thank you.
I'll just suck it out.
I'm pretty good at that.
[slurps, laughs.]
Call me love My name's Emily, and my passion in life is boys.
My friends would describe me as mysterious, quiet, laid-back.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm like a set of open legs.
What you see is what you get.
Call me love I don't go out ever looking for guys.
It's like God just drops them.
I'd love to tell you that I'm ready for commitment, I want to settle down, but I'd be lying.
Honestly, I should come with a warning sign.
Fan me, baby.
- So what do you do for work? - [Emily.]
I'm a model.
- [Melinda gasps.]
- Yeah.
Same! - I mean, of course you are.
- [Carly.]
Nice eyes.
You have a fantastic - Ass.
- Mm-mm.
Not gonna say it.
[both laugh.]
Ooh! Carly's onto you, cowboy.
But if Nathan does wanna tap that ass, he'd better hurry.
[clock ticking.]
Because there's 11 hours and counting till Lana hits them with a total sex ban, and they have no idea.
I'm loving this.
This is fantastic.
Uh, sorry, cowboy.
Suck me now 'Cause here come a couple of sexy stallions to level the playing field.
Yeah Suck me Suck me now Yes, yes.
Oh my God.
Look at this view, bro.
This is crazy.
Pink shorts is looking good! Look at all these beautiful people.
Oh my God.
Hi! [host.]
Close your mouth, Melinda, before you drool again.
- How you doing, bro? - Nathan.
- I'll bring some over to you.
- Yeah.
Way to play it cool, Emily.
- What do you do? - I'm a professional football player.
- [gasps.]
- [laughs.]
[dance music playing.]
Bring on the questions.
The way I feel about you Can't get enough My sex drive is 100% through the roof.
100 out of 10.
I am the alpha male.
If you think you're better than me, come compete.
I'm tall, dark, handsome, muscular, smart.
Plus, you know, being a professional football player does help.
I'm gonna bring all the energy.
I'm bringing all the noise.
If you're not entertained by my presence, I'm letting you down as a person.
You turn me up You know, let the games begin.
- [Carly.]
Where are you from? - Seattle, Washington.
- I play football in Canada.
- I don't talk to football players.
Uh [laughs.]
Hold on, listen.
Football players, athletes, are the most faithful dudes.
- You know what I'm saying? Honest - They're not! Oh my God! - You speaking from experience or what? - Experience.
Are you kidding me? [host.]
Looks like you got some work to do before you reach her end zone, big guy.
- How tall are you? - Six foot.
6'1" if we're like - Are you? - If we're at a push.
- I was gonna say like 5'11".
- I mean, no, it's not it's not 5'11".
- We don't have to say 5'11".
- No.
People look at my face, look at my body and they think I am a player, but I'm a nerd.
A sexy nerd.
Not many people know it.
So I'd prefer if you just didn't tell anyone.
[cinematic music playing.]
[in Gollum voice.]
I can't wait to get out to Parties in Paradise with all the sexy girls.
Doing a Gollum impression in the bedroom, I dunno if that would go down well.
I've had a little role play before.
A girl was quite into Lord of the Rings.
She put an elf costume on.
It was nice having sex with an elf.
I haven't got a thing for elves.
They just happen to all be very sexy.
I wasn't confident.
I had a glow up.
So I just started dressing differently, training a lot more, my hair became a lot better.
I'm a high-end product right now.
- How old are you? - I'm 24.
- How old are you? - I'm 26.
- Twenty-six? You look younger.
- Mmm.
Cam, are you picturing her in an elf costume right now? [Emily.]
I seem to go for younger guys.
- Do you? What a coincidence.
- I'm a cougar.
A cougar, are you? - Have we got an extra? - [gasps.]
Oh my - Holy shit! - [group.]
Whoo! Wow, she is stunning.
Welcome to the party! Oh, yeah Kiss with all the attitude Hi! Whoo! Hey, beautiful.
You look fantastic.
You're fucking hot.
What do you do for work? - Um, I'm a lawyer.
- Oh! [host.]
A lawyer looking that good should definitely be illegal.
- I'm sure you're a model as well.
- Oh, no.
- You're not? - No, I like burgers too much to model.
Burgers, eh? Well, Nathan likes buns.
I feel like I should be really, like, wise and say that my best asset is my brain, but it's definitely my tits.
They get me free drinks.
My brain doesn't get me free drinks, so [laughs.]
I don't care I don't care what the haters say After finishing law school, I bought myself some new boobs.
I'm the real life Legally Blonde, but I'm also legally horny.
Sex is really important to me.
I can't have that quiet, awkward sex.
I have one time, but I literally was like, "Pass me my eyelashes, I'm out of here," and just left, like, midway through.
People say that I'm like Tinkerbell, and that I need a lot of attention or I'll die.
Tits look good.
I'm terrible.
Like, I expect a guy to be obsessed with me, but I'm allowed to do what I want.
We were just talking about each other's types.
- What's your type? - [Carly.]
What's your type? [Larissa.]
I call it the three Bs.
So I like a brunette.
Sorry, babes.
Um, banter and then balls.
You gotta have good dick game.
- Just putting that out here.
- I like that! If I'm not in the sun, I'm not as blond.
- Okay.
- So if we sit inside for, you know So I can keep you locked in the bedroom and you might go brunette? - Absolutely.
- I'm sure there's handcuffs somewhere.
Whoa! Kinky law school Barbie is in the dreamhouse.
Let's hope the next hunk's called Ken.
Oh [host.]
You let me down, producers.
Got me like a heart attack - Ooh! Hi! - What's going on? - You look just like me.
Holy shit.
- [laughs.]
"You look just like me?" Wow.
- Nice to meet you.
- You too, bro.
- Where you from? - Staten Island, New York.
I'm a personal trainer, I'm an influencer on TikTok, and that's basically my life.
- Yeah.
- Love it! - Yeah.
- [Carly.]
- What do you do on TikTok? - Thirst trap, dance.
Show us some then.
- Let's go.
 Let's go.
- [squeals, laughs.]
Come on.
- Am I laying down? - Yeah, lay down.
- Okay.
- Let's see it.
- [Carly.]
Awesome! - Whoo! [host.]
That's what I call a very hungry caterpillar.
That's PornHub.
Not TikTok.
Being confident helps draw the girls in.
They wonder, "Why is he so confident? He must have something great.
" [laughs.]
Comin' up for the crowd I'm comin' for the crowd I post a lot of different kinds of videos on TikTok.
I think people just love seeing a dude with abs hop on a pole and spin, I guess.
Once you get the following that I've got, 100, 200 girls DMing you a day, it's like, "There's so many.
" You don't know what to do.
If I happen to make a connection with one girl here and another girl there, I feel too bad to cut them both off.
Ma, look at me.
I'm doing my first interview.
How should I treat these women? [Mom on phone.]
You are so amazing with treating women.
- [Mom.]
Just be you.
Love you.
Have fun.
- Love you.
I promise you, it's coming.
- [cork pops.]
- There you go.
- There you go.
- [yells.]
Ah! Did that get in the eyes? Oh no.
- Oh no! - I'll save him.
I'll save you.
Come get me, baby.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah.
You watching this, Pete's mom? You got competition.
Now, now, boys, no falling out over the pretty ladies.
There's enough to go around.
- That booty, yeah.
- Ooh, we got a sexy mamacita coming up.
Ooh, ah-ah Ooh, ah-ah-ah Oh, oh, ah-ah Ooh, ah-ah-ah Hello.
- [women cheering.]
- Hola! Welcome to the party.
- Hi, I'm Kayla.
- [Peter.]
What do you do? [Kayla.]
Um, I'm a part-time model.
I bartend too.
- My girl, a bartend.
- [Emily.]
What's your type? Yeah, what's your type? I'm not too picky.
They just have to have an edge.
As long as they're breathing, it's fine.
[all laugh.]
I feel like everyone has like a little bit of a bad side to them.
If you say that you don't, you're lying.
[upbeat music playing.]
I grew up in a really, really strict, Filipino, religious household.
My mom was a total cockblock.
Sorry, Mom.
When I moved out, I kind of went a little bit boy crazy.
Tonight we're gonna make you jump [Kayla.]
I think about sex all day, every day.
It's definitely hard to go without it.
That's for sure.
I do get hit on quite a lot when I'm working.
They're tipping me good.
That's all that matters.
It's all part of the game.
The more guys who are chasing me, the more interesting it gets, for sure.
At some point, there'll be a strip-off between me and you.
- You'd better bring it.
- Yeah! I'm ready for that.
It's time to add to our naughty nine.
Get ready for a perfect ten.
[sensual music playing.]
He's got a body slo-mo was invented for.
- Sorry, guys.
- [music stops.]
I'm gonna need to see that again.
- [rewinding.]
- [music resumes.]
Well, get an Eiffel of that.
- We got one extra.
- Oh.
[upbeat music playing.]
It's kind of Whoa! [laughs.]
Hi, everybody.
Hi! - Yo! - Hello.
- Nice to meet you.
I'm Emily.
- Marvin.
- Your babies.
- [Peter.]
What's your name? - Marvin.
- Marvin.
- Yeah.
- [Chase.]
Where are you from? [Marvin.]
Paris, France.
I'm gonna prove to you that everything sounds sexy in French.
[speaking French.]
[Siri in English.]
I have to clean my pants before going to paradise.
[groovy music playing.]
Girls cannot resist, like, the tall man, handsome, and I have a French accent, so girls like it.
I cannot go to a club and come home by myself.
It's not possible, no.
I'm a dancer.
I can do a lot of dance.
You know, a little bit of dougie and stuff.
If you dance like this, they like you.
It's gonna be a a sexy summer, man.
Who do you fancy here? - I mean, they all look good.
- Yeah.
All of them.
Yo, I feel like a kid in a candy shop right now.
I got all these delicious flavors around me.
Man, I'm ready to dive in.
- You know how hard this is? - What's hard? Just looking elsewhere.
You're the only one I've had my eyes on.
- You just go in to kiss me? Already? - No! Oh my God.
Nathan was pretty, like He was jumping on it right away, which I do like.
He's hot.
I came here to party, so I'm ready.
Hopefully, it's just one big gang bang.
That'd be quite nice.
[host laughing.]
I can definitely see why these horndogs wouldn't have willingly signed up for a sex-free summer.
Instead, they applied to be on a no-holds-barred dating show called Parties in Paradise.
Speaking of which, can we get our fake host Jeff in here to really sell this thing? Hello, party people! [all cheering.]
Welcome to Parties in Paradise.
You guys excited? - [all cheering.]
- [Peter.]
Yes, sir! [Jeff.]
You've been brought here because you're sexy, you're single, and you know how to have a good time.
So you guys are gonna get to go wild at tonight's party.
[all cheering.]
- I'll see you soon.
- [all cheering.]
What's the point of all this? Well, Lana's victims, I mean guests, have no clue that, for the next nine hours, she's hidden away, gathering data to see how badly behaved they really are.
In fact, let's check in with Too Hot's top dog.
Initial data suggests the Parties in Paradise ruse has been a success.
I'll continue to observe and analyze my guests' behavior.
Tonight, I will introduce myself and the rules that they must adhere to throughout their stay here.
You got just under nine hours until this party in paradise goes south, and not in a good way.
Thankfully for them, they're not wasting any time, as they're diving straight into the obligatory "who wants to bang who" chat.
Who's your number one? You first.
- Carly.
Absolutely Carly.
- Emily.
I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, but number one - [Marvin.]
Emily, Emily.
- [Cam.]
Emily, Emily.
- He's very, like - [Chase.]
Number one, yeah, Emily.
She's very cute.
- I would, yeah.
- Who's your queen? Uh, Melinda.
Uh, Emily is cool also.
Emily in Paris does have a nice ring to it.
He's gonna kick me! [laughs.]
He's telling you right now he's coming for you.
I've backed this situation.
I've got it, 100%.
So if you hyenas want to come eat a bit of the lion's meat, have it.
At the moment, I've been getting a lot of glances from Emily, and she's been receiving them from me.
She is 100% the most attractive girl in here, but if things don't work, then I'll just go for the second best-looking in here.
Second best-looking girl, whoever you are, this might be your lucky day.
I want a British boy.
You can have Cam.
He's British.
I'm not very used to competition, but Cam is just this little bundle of cuteness and sexiness put into one.
Marvin's a little chocolate drop.
He's a He's a hottie.
- Like, he's got the height, the teeth.
- I was too busy looking at his - Dick? - Body.
- You're like I was like, "What?" - [Kayla.]
Oh, Marvin.
Oh my gosh.
I feel like he's a fan favorite for all of the girls.
His French accent is, like, to die for.
I'm with you, girls.
I've already been brushing up on my high school French.
Cue the music.
[French music playing.]
[host clearing throat.]
[in French.]
Hello, Marvin.
Did you wash your pants? [music stops.]
What do you guys think of Carly? Carly's She's cute.
I like Carly.
Oh, so it's gonna be a competition between both.
- We're complete opposites, so - I know! Who's gonna get it? Are you two comfortable stepping on each other's toes? - Have you seen the size of his feet? - [Cam.]
Size 15 feet.
Look, have you seen the size of my hands and feet? [host.]
Holy Bozo the Clown.
[clown horn honks.]
They're big.
The Carly situation is gonna come down to whoever addresses it first.
I think, at this point, Chase is my biggest threat to Carly.
I can be the nice guy and concede to Chase and say, "You know what? You do your thing," but that's not the kind of guy I am.
- Chase is like the bomb.
- Yeah.
Chase is very nice.
- Have you seen his feet, though? - Those feet don't lie, baby.
Like, do you even make shoes that big? Yeah.
They're not really talking about his shoes.
Chase has a personality that I gravitate towards.
He would be a guy that I go for.
I was being sassy to him.
- [Melinda.]
A little bit, but - So you heard? [Carly.]
The guy that caught my eye the most is Chase.
Like, his calves are the size of my fricking thigh, which is sexy, because he could just throw me around.
Can't promise that Chase will be getting you airborne, Carly, but, for now, why not bounce on the retreat's comfy beds? - [Chase.]
Race to the fricking bedroom! - [all yelling.]
- [yelling.]
- And dibs.
- I'm getting this one! - Dibs! - [laughing.]
- Ay! [giggling.]
- Whoo! - [Melinda screams.]
I'm gonna have a lot of fun in this villa.
It's amazing.
I can't wait to party.
Like, basically, we have amazing girls.
I like it all, like [sizzling sound.]
it's gonna be hot this summer.
Temperature-wise, yes.
Sex-wise, nuh-uh.
That's a nice bed.
- I like this bed.
- [Emily.]
Do you like this one? - [laughs.]
- It's a good bed, this one, isn't it? - Happy with this bed.
- [Emily.]
We're sharing a bed, then? - We'll share a bed.
- Okay.
Emily's doing some bits.
Like, she's ticking some boxes.
We're all gonna have to get very comfortable with each other's bedroom activities, because we are literally bed, bed, bed, bed.
We are so close.
If anything's going on, we're gonna hear it.
We're gonna see it.
Probably gonna smell it as well.
So we're very close.
TMI, dude.
Do any girls wake up horny? Morning dew.
- I hump in my sleep.
- You what? - [Nathan.]
You hump in your sleep? - Wanna share a bed with us? No, I've done it a couple of times, and I woke up like, "What the fuck?" [gasps.]
I have too! [laughs.]
- I wake up like, "Oh, shit, did I just" - Yeah! Yo, I thought it was just me! There's a lot of sexual tension in the villa.
I feel like everyone just needs to, like, have a little naked shower together and just, like, scrub each others' backs.
Getting clean never sounded so dirty.
Hey, I didn't know we had a seesaw this year! Ah, no, they're pumping iron.
Oh, my shorts are stuck.
Hang on.
I'm going short shorts.
Whoo! [both sigh.]
Me and Cam, we just get along so well.
I just want to rip his little shorts off.
Little shorts.
Hopefully they're not little for a reason.
[upbeat music playing.]
All right, gents and ladies.
I'm gonna teach him how to do a little stripper move.
Seems after all that heavy lifting, our cowboy stripper's feeling frisky.
I knew there were gonna be gorgeous women here, but I did not expect to have my ideal woman just stood right there, so time to work my magic on Carly.
All right, so her hands come onto your chest.
One sign of competition and the stripper card gets played straightaway.
Now roll your body.
All right, now bring her hands down.
So keep rolling.
Okay, so you're gonna drop onto your hands.
All right, and then - [Emily laughs.]
Oh! - All right? - I went too far forward.
- I mean, that is so good, right.
I don't have any dollars or I'd throw them at you.
Oh, hell no.
He did not just do that.
Man, I gotta bring my A-game, B-game, every game plan I got to this one.
Although there's no need for your D-game, big boy.
Can you talk to me? It's now or never, Chase.
Let's go! [host.]
All right, the best defense is a good offense and your competition has hit the showers.
- [whistle blows.]
- Let's go! Nathan is, like, really flirty with me, but I don't know.
Seen this firepit? I like to flirt.
I'm just gonna flirt and have fun.
And, um, 1000%, my options are still open.
What am I thinking of right now? - Apples? - [laughs.]
That's a pretty good guess.
- Damn, you are smart.
- What was it? - It was definitely apples.
- No, it was tits.
Five seconds of small talk and then straight into the sexy stuff.
I want to know What are the rules of the game It's going to be so weird to bang in front of people.
Not saying we're going to.
- I'm just saying.
- [laughs.]
Just because you get going and you're like, you know, loud.
- Is that how you do it? Like a jackrabbit? - Mm-hmm.
- Damn.
- I just want you to throw me around.
Reading between the lines, I think she might want to get thrown around.
She's looking me dead in my eyes.
Let's seal the deal.
Let's see if I got, like, a spark out of this.
- You have nice lips.
They're big.
- You have nice lips too.
You can take 'em on a test drive.
You know what I'm saying.
I think we may be about to get a lesson in seduction, guys.
It's the game of love [man laughs.]
Come on, girl - [head thuds.]
- Oh my God! [host.]
And that will be a fumble to remember.
Let's see an action replay.
[head thudding.]
That really fucking hurt my head.
So I was just on the bed, and then I forget his name.
I hope that bump hasn't caused some permanent damage.
What's his name? What's his name? [host.]
Um, medic? [goofy music playing.]
Noah? [host.]
Noah? Who's Noah? He sounds hot.
- Okay, come back.
- [Chase laughs.]
Nah, you only get one shot.
But I'll give you two.
I'll give you two.
Touchdown! - And the crowd goes wild.
- [crowd cheering.]
Carly is my number one.
If I had to put money on it, I'd bet on myself.
I think Carly 100% is gonna be in my bed tonight.
Not to burst your bubble, but she may be hung up on a dude called Noah.
[upbeat dance music playing.]
- I'm liking Marvin a little bit more.
- [Carly.]
Marvin's cute.
Like he needs to rub that sunscreen into these cheeks.
I don't know if that's just her vibe, 'cause I know girls like that, where they're kind of flirty with everybody.
- Yeah.
- But - Don't know.
I might have to make Cam cry.
- Do it.
I'm not going all in on one girl right now.
You know, it's day one.
Emily's beautiful.
So she might chat with me and realize that she likes Pete, so I might go for Emily.
We'll see what happens.
If it doesn't go as planned, you can always call your mom again.
[upbeat music playing.]
[Emily laughs.]
Get this all off.
I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, but my thing is, when I have attention on someone, I don't really think about anyone else, I just focus on that person.
It's mad there's no land over there.
- [laughs.]
Yeah, it's pretty mad.
- It's just sea, innit? [host.]
First time at the beach, Cam? - What do you reckon's on the other side? - I think it's, like, America.
- Are you good at geography? - I'm not that academic.
- No.
- No.
Are you? - I got a degree.
- In what? Pulling birds? Ha, funny.
I have a degree in criminology, thank you very much.
- Really? - Yeah.
Not just a pretty face.
Full of surprises, me.
Bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? [host.]
Well, a minute ago, you were confused about the horizon.
[upbeat music playing.]
It looks like Melinda's not wasting any time either in making a little French connection.
Ooh, la, la.
I absolutely love this.
This is crazy.
Look at the view, right? This guy is hot.
He's fit.
He's tall.
Every girl knows that Marvin is like the full package.
I'm like, "Yeah, this guy is gonna, like, swoop me off my feet.
" [host.]
And if he doesn't, those six-inch heels sure will.
- Ah! - Whoa! So how do you feel about the other girls in the villa? - Come on, spill the tea.
Spill the tea! - Ah! [host.]
Answer very carefully, Marvin.
I will tell you.
There is you, Emily, and Carly, your friend.
- Oh! - Yeah.
You're the three nicest girls I've seen so far.
Oh, that's nice.
I felt, when you came in, I was like, "I'm gonna click with this guy.
" - The eye contact was like, "I see you.
" - I saw you.
You are high in my ranking.
Are you serious? [squeals.]
- Maybe the number one.
I don't know.
- [Melinda.]
Maybe? - [gasps.]
- Maybe.
That makes me very happy.
Really? It's hard to tell through all those squeals of delight.
You have, like, the perfect smile.
- Perfect chocolate skin.
- I got to.
- I workout.
- You're the full package.
- So you gonna let loose tonight? - Yes, of course.
I'm excited to see the other side of you.
- Yeah.
You will see.
- I'm really excited to see it.
Oh man, I think there's gonna be something really fun here.
- Something really fun, yeah.
- [squeals, laughs.]
I got Marvin all to myself right now, and I need to make sure I dig my claws into him before any of these other girls think they have a chance of taking him from me.
Not on my watch.
Do you reckon you'll get a snog out of me? - At some point? - At some point, yeah.
- You reckon? - [Cam.]
You've backed yourself that much? I back myself.
It depends if you're a good kisser.
- Do you think you're a good kisser? - Only one way to find out.
Hey, ah, ooh-whoa Hey, it's irresistible [host.]
I knew they were horny, but, damn, do these guys move fast.
Look at these two.
Every time you got me close It's irresistible - Whoa! - Give them a round of applause.
Good job, guys! Good job, bro! [laughs.]
That's the one time when getting a little clap is a good thing.
You can have more kisses later if you want.
- I'd like that.
- [Cam.]
You can have them whenever.
Yeah, whenever you fancy losing a few grand.
You take me higher [host.]
Who knew that geography chat and head injuries got people so horny? Well, Lana's definitely gonna dampen some sexy spirits in less than two hours.
And to keep up the Parties in Paradise ruse, the producers are throwing these randy creatures an animal-themed party - to see how wild they really are.
- [Melinda.]
Let's do it! [host.]
And check out those outfits.
Well, I guess our costume budget won't spend itself.
I love this! Bunny! Oh my God.
It's cute.
I think bunny suits my personality, because I like to have sex a lot.
Some bunny action would be nice.
I wouldn't turn it down.
As long as you don't ask anybody to hop on tonight.
I could dress as the lion and you could be my lioness.
No! [Nathan.]
Do I go with the rhino? Bruv, that's sick.
It's official.
I'm more horny than any other guy here.
Whoa, watch where you're waving that thing, buddy.
[all cheering.]
- Let's go! - Yeah! - How d'you guys think tonight's gonna go? - It's gonna go wild, dog.
- [Chase.]
Go wild? - None of us looks bad.
We all look sexy.
Says the dude dressed like Aquaman's butler.
Hey, gents.
[men cheering.]
[slow dance music playing.]
Skin to skin [host.]
Sheesh, this looks like a Victoria's Secret show, but where the secret is that nobody's allowed to rub their junk together.
Wow, wow, wow.
Damn, there's some hot chicks in here! Girls, they're hot, and the sexual tension is, like, building up.
So, yeah, it's great.
Having a good time.
[all cheering.]
Let your wild side take control The girls look stunning.
The guys look sexy, hot, steamy, foxy.
Tonight, I'm gonna get my prey.
Marvin, you better look out, 'cause mama is on the hunt.
'Cause, baby, we're just animals What I wanna see everybody do is give your best mating call, and if another animal is attracted, they're gonna come up with bites, grabs, kisses.
- Whatever you wanna do.
- [host.]
Biting and grabbing.
Sounds more fun than charades.
- Let's go, dog! Let's go! - [all cheering.]
- [Chase.]
Hey, pucker up.
- [Emily laughs.]
- Pucker up.
- Ooh.
Oh my God! [laughs.]
- [Peter snarling.]
- [group screams.]
That was wild.
He's a swifty little one, little Pete, isn't he? I don't know.
At least he got a bit of action.
[group cheering.]
Oh, here's my dolphin! - Yeah! Yeah! - Oh, shit! [host.]
Sorry, little fox.
Go back into your hole.
All I want to do is rip that outfit off him.
- Here we go! - Hoo! Hoo! - [roaring.]
- [laughs.]
Marvin looks so hot.
And if I know one thing that's gonna make a guy jealous, that's kiss another man.
[group screaming excitedly.]
Melinda is kissing Peter.
What the hell? [howling.]
Oh! - [Melinda squeals.]
- [Larissa screams.]
Ooh, la, la.
I like it.
- [Melinda squeals.]
- [screams, laughs.]
- [all laughing.]
- You like it, huh? Mmm, she's nice.
All right! [all cheering.]
Nathan, on your marks [Melinda.]
You got this! [meows.]
get set Oh no! I guess leopards are quicker than rhinos.
[all exclaiming, cheering.]
It's a tough viewing, and I would absolutely like to be in his position, but it's early doors, it's day one.
I'm sure I'll get my own opportunity.
Hon, you blew it.
You even had matching horns.
- [Emily.]
I'm gonna go up there.
- The only one that matters.
- [Emily laughs.]
- Wow.
Wow, this bird knows how to ruffle some feathers.
I'm just kissing everyone.
Having fun.
I'm coming straight in with the horn.
Oh, shit! [Larissa screams.]
Wow, cowboy, even your horn is into asses.
- Come on, you sexy beast! - [all cheering.]
With this night on the brink of becoming a niche erotic subculture, let's bring in the guy these guests still believe is here to kick-start their dream summer of sex.
[all cheering.]
It's our fake host, Jeff! Too bad he's actually here to drop a Lana-shaped bombshell.
I love the outfits.
You guys look wild.
Very nice.
- You getting to know each other better? - [group.]
Yeah! Well, before this night gets too wild, there's one more surprise for you guys.
- No! - [laughs.]
The horniest people on Earth are about to go from celebration to celibacy in 69 seconds.
Hit it, Jeff.
Are you guys ready? [all cheering.]
Go! Go! We've got an internationally renowned VIP guest with us tonight.
- What? - Ooh! Who? And this could change everything.
Oh my God.
- [Peter.]
Let's go.
- [Chase.]
Oh boy.
So please put your hands together and prepare that Parties in Paradise welcome in - Five! - Who is she? She's gonna be a bad bitch.
- [all.]
Four! - Who's it gonna be? Beyoncé? [all.]
Three! Yo, we got Drake on this show? [all.]
Two! Ariana Grande? Harry Styles? [all.]
One! [all cheering.]
No one's walking down the stairs.
What's going on here? [host.]
Here we go.
Lana's big entrance.
Will she parachute in from a chopper? [suspenseful music playing.]
What's going on? [host.]
Rock up in a speedboat? Or seductively emerge from the sea like James Bond? I'm having heart palpitations.
She's inside that bar? Producers, can you please stop boozing during your brainstorms? [dramatic music playing.]
[melodic chime.]
- [Melinda.]
What? - [all groan.]
[Melinda squeals.]
- Yo, we're on Too Hot to Handle? - What? [host.]
That's right, Chase.
And you're not meeting Drake either.
Shut up! That bitch! No! [Melinda.]
Are you kidding me? [groans.]
No, it's not Too Hot to Handle.
This can't be.
Yes, actually it can.
And it is.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hi.
I'm Lana, your personal digital assistant.
- [Emily laughing.]
Oh no! - [Lana.]
Welcome to the retreat.
I hate her already.
You may be in paradise, but the party is over.
[tense music playing.]
What the actual F? [Lana.]
The purpose of this retreat is to help you gain deeper and more emotional connections.
- That's not what we signed up for.
- I signed up for dick.
Call yourself a lawyer.
You should have looked at the fine print.
Just flop this one down for a sec.
I mean, that's kind of where we're at right now.
For the last 12 hours, I have been watching you and learning about your behavior.
You have been selected as you are all having meaningless flings over genuine relationships.
- That's a That's a lie.
- [laughs.]
I cannot believe what is happening.
As part of your social development, I have allocated a prize of $100,000.
- I'm gonna give you $100,000 to go away.
- [Larissa laughs.]
Good one, Chase.
- Not gonna get cockblocked by a cone.
- [laughs.]
Right? [Lana.]
However, I will deduct money from the prize fund if there are breaches to the rules.
I'm worried about me.
It's gonna be the longest drought that I've ever had in my adult life.
For those of you who need reminding, there is to be no kissing Fuck.
- [Lana.]
no heavy petting - What? No morning boners.
no sex I can't believe this is happening.
and no self-gratification.
[all groan.]
- [Emily.]
What? - Oh my God! Are you for real? Come on.
Imagine how sore it's gonna be after three weeks.
- [Cam.]
I've never gone that long.
- This is a joke.
The lava lamp's gonna watch us? She has properly stitched me to the zipper.
[tense music playing.]
Welcome to your long, hard, sexless summer.
I feel robbed.
No sex.
No kiss.
No nothing.
I had big plans and it's all fucked.
Yo, we're screwed.
[dramatic music playing.]
There needs to be some bed swaps.
I don't trust either of you.
- [Emily.]
No! - Nah, nah, nah.
- Nah, I ain't swapping beds.
- [Kayla.]
We want the money.
100K at stake, so I'm just keeping my eyes on everyone.
Like who's gonna be the first one to break the rules? It's so stressful.
- Let's see how we go for the first night.
- There's no way.
No way you animals are escaping this sexless zoo.
Sorry, big guy.
It's not my fault.
I didn't know what we were getting into, did I? See you on the other side, my chum.
My liege.
[host mimicking Gollum.]
My precious.
[dramatic music plays.]
Whoo, turn it up! Oh, oh-oh Turn it up! Oh-oh, oh, oh Whoo, turn it up! Oh, oh-oh Turn it up! Oh-oh, oh, oh Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me Oh, oh-oh Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me Oh-oh, oh, oh Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me Oh, oh-oh Don't, don't mess with me Don't, don't, don't mess with me Oh-oh, oh, oh
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