Top Cat (1961) s01e08 Episode Script

T.
C.
, won't Dibble mind if we borrow his car? Don't worry, Choo Choo.
I left him a note.
Hey, Top Cat, come back with my car! Do I really look like the Mayor, T.
C.
? -Has your Ma ever seen a picture of him? -No.
Then you are the spitting image of the mayor.
Just act dignified.
Remember, you guys are supposed to be big wheels.
Charlie, hold it! You gotta help me, Charlie.
Lend me your cab.
Sure, Dib.
By the way, where are you going? To catch my police car.
Somebody stole your car? I don't believe it.
I know.
Neither will the Sergeant.
Listen to this, fellows.
"Concessionaires clean up as millions swarm to beaches.
" Now the question that pops into my nimble brain is what happens to the millions that don't swarm to the beaches? They stay home and swelter, T.
C.
Right.
Good thinking, but with my idea they can spend their money at the seashore right here in town.
We'll rent them beach chairs, umbrellas.
Why, the towel concession alone will bring in a fortune.
Good idea, T.
C.
, but where are you going to get an ocean? I knew you'd ask, Fancy, so one wet ocean coming right up.
If it's good enough for kids, it's good enough for whole families.
Now what's Top Cat up to? Tampering with a hydrant? Top Cat, what goes on? -There she blows! -Hey, you can't-- Hey, it's Officer Dibble! He ain't gonna like that.
Sorry, Dribble, I was merely trying to turn off the hydrant some careless fireman left on.
All right, T.
C.
, unless you clean up my police car I'm running you all in for defacing city property.
Relax, Dib, old sponge.
We are prepared to make restitution by cleaning up your car good as new.
Boy, one bucket of water! One towel.
Don't miss this speck over here, Dib.
I got it, T.
C.
A fine officer like you deserves to have the shiniest car on the Force, Dib.
-That's right.
-All it takes is a little elbow grease.
-I know.
-See you around, Dib.
-See you around.
-Head for the alley, fellas.
That was close.
Yeah.
Being so close to working makes me feel kinda beat.
All right, now let's all get together and.
Where's Benny? He's over here, T.
C.
What am I gonna do? She's all I got in the world.
What's with him? He's more out of this world than usual.
It's that letter.
I think it's bad news from some kitten.
Has he ever been known to get good news? His life can be summed up in two words: "Dear John.
" I tell you what, Benny, you can have one of my girls.
How about Gloria? Gloria just got engaged.
This wouldn't have happened if I'd have sent her a card.
-For her birthday? -For Mother's Day.
I forgot to mail her a card for Mother's Day.
Your girl's a mother, Benny? She's my mother.
The best Mom I ever had.
Quick, Choo Choo, a hanky.
Shirts, pants, socks and you-know-whats.
Here we.
A hanky.
Wait till she finds out I'm a fibber.
You're a fibber? Ever since I left home, I've written Mom about my success.
She thinks I'm a big shot.
Now, Benny, didn't I print you up your own credit cards? It's an obvious case of an acute inferiority complex stemming from an acute inferiority.
I was just going to say that.
Benny, if you like, I'll make you an officer in the corporation.
Thanks, T.
C.
, but Ma thinks I'm something legitimate.
She does? Let me see that letter.
"Dear son Benny, arriving on morning plane "to spend the day with you.
Hope you can take time off from your job.
" -What job? -Read on.
"I am so proud, Benny dear.
"After all, how many mothers can say "their son is Mayor of the great city of New York?" That's true.
How many mothers can.
The Mayor of New York? I had to tell her something.
But Mayor? Now if you had told her you were a CPA we could fix you up with a pad, a pencil and an eraser.
Or maybe Chief of Police.
We could borrow Dibble's badge.
But Mayor? All right, you guys, get back here and wash my car.
Trying to run out.
I thought I told you to keep this alley cleaned up.
What's the matter, Drubble? Expecting the Sergeant? I am always expecting the Sergeant.
And the name's Dribble.
Druddle.
I mean, it's Dibble.
Relax, Drizzle.
Fellas, you heard Officer Dobble.
Let's clean up this mess before the Sergeant shows up.
Right, T.
C.
We're with you, Dibble.
You gotta keep the city clean like it says in Section 44, Paragraph 6.
I'm terribly sorry about this mess, Dibble.
An oversight on my part.
I assure you it won't happen again as long as you're around.
Come on, gang.
Let's go find Benny.
Benny, where do you think you're going? To the Foreign Legion.
Anything's better than facing Mom.
-Goodbye.
-Benny's Ma will be heartbroken.
-Poor old soul.
-Hold it, Benny.
If your Ma thinks you're the Mayor, you are the Mayor.
When Ma steps off that plane she is going to be greeted by the Honorable Benny the Ball Mayor of New York.
Any questions? Just one, T.
C.
If Benny's going to act like the Mayor he's gotta look like the Mayor.
What do we do for clothes? Yeah, and how do we make the scene at the airport? We got no wheels.
Easy.
Today's the day we wash Dibble's police car, right? So we'll just make a little stop at the airport on the way to the wash-rack.
The clothes we'll just borrow from my friend A.
B.
Ritz.
Dibble! What do you think you're doing? Keeping the city clean, like it says in Section 44, Paragraph 6.
Is that so? Well, the city has a department for that sort of work.
It has? I mean-- I want you to look like a policeman, and behave like a policeman or I'll have you pounding a beat in Canarsie.
And for the love of Pete put down that broom and get back in your car.
Yes, sir, Sergeant.
Why do I put up with Top Cat and his crazy bunch? Won't Dibble mind if we borrow his car? Don't worry, Choo Choo.
I left him a note.
Top Cat, come back with my car! What's this? "P.
S.
We'll wash it later.
" Charlie, hold it! You gotta help me, Charlie.
Lend me your cab.
Sure, Dib.
I'm just taking my coffee break.
By the way, where are you going? -To catch my police car.
-Somebody stole your car? -I don't believe it.
-I know.
Neither will the Sergeant.
Tell us, Mayorooney, what are your plans for Futuresville? Spook, you are supposed to be a reporter from The Times, not Downbeat.
Do I really look like the Mayor, T.
C.
? Has your Ma ever seen him a picture of him, Benny? Then you are the spitting image of the Mayor.
Just act dignified.
Remember, you guys are supposed to be big wheels.
Big wheels? I thought we were politicians.
Hold it, Your Honor.
You hold it, Brain.
Save the flashbulbs for the airport.
They're turning into the airport.
I'll catch them now.
Looks like we made the scene, gentlemen.
Knock it off, Spook.
We're supposed to be dignified.
Attention, please.
Flight 606 now arriving from North Chicago East Lib, South Bend, West Virginia and Plumb Center.
Remember, fellows, make it look authentic.
Yeah.
Realistic, too.
-Have you got the wreath, Fancy? -Right here, T.
C.
Take the banner off.
We're meeting Benny's Ma, not a racehorse.
Here come the passengers now.
Jumping rutabeggas, I can't see a thing without my specs.
Let's see now.
There they are.
Benjamin! My, how you've grown! I'd know you anywhere.
Mrs.
Ball, you've made a slight error.
Put me down.
Mercy me.
I can't see a thing with my specs either.
-Here I am, Mom ! -Benjamin! Dear boy, let me look at you.
My, but you do look successful.
Like I wrote you, Ma, I'm the Mayor of New York.
Isn't that nice? And who are all these fine gentlemen? Ma, I mean Mrs.
Ball as Official Greeter for the city, permit me to introduce Congressman Fancy Fancy of the Ninth District.
On behalf of my constituents, I bid you welcome to our fair metropolis extending from the rock-bound cliffs of the Palisades to the sun-kissed sands of Coney Island.
My, how nice.
And over there is our delegate to the United Nations the eminent Dr.
Choo Choo.
Heaven sakes.
What did he say? Sorry, our official translator's out of town.
Now shall we proceed to the City Hall where His Honor will give a major address and present our guest with the keys to the city? Benny, dear, how exciting! Hold it.
Mrs.
Ball, will you tell our readers how long you've known His Honor? You mean Benjamin? Ever since I changed his first diaper.
No, Sir, I didn't see any police car drive into the lot.
-You cops using taxis now? -Never mind.
I see it now.
Stop in the name of the law! It is indeed an honor and a.
Privilege.
Privilege as mayor of this city to extend our hospitality to you, Ma.
I mean, Mrs.
Benjamin B.
Ball Sr.
And as a token of our.
Esteem.
Esteem, I present you with the key to our fair city.
My goodness, thank you, son.
I mean, Your Honor.
Hold it.
All right, no more pictures now.
We're late for the ticker-tape parade up the avenue.
This way, please.
Benny, you shouldn't have.
Gosh, Ma, it's nothing.
What's a few ticker tapes? Hold it right there, T.
C.
I got you this time.
Let's not keep the crowds waiting, folks.
Come back here before I lose my-- All right, cabby.
If I've told you guys once, I've told you a million times no parking in this district.
Knock it off, Monnihan.
I'm in a hurry.
Dibble! What are you doing with this hack? No time to explain now.
Just don't tell the Sergeant you saw me.
We are now approaching the parade route, Mrs.
Ball.
How exciting.
We should be nearing the City Department of Sanitation 100-piece band at any moment.
Here they come, Fancy.
Let's make the ticker-tape welcome.
Listen to that crowd, Mrs.
Ball.
New York loves you.
Yeah, Ma, they're crazy about you.
Nothing like this ever happened to me before.
I'm the proudest mother in the world.
Don't cry, Ma, please.
You know, son, if they like me so much I think I should stay.
-You wouldn't do that? -Benny, I thought you'd like it if I stayed.
What the Mayor means is that although New York is a nice place to visit -you wouldn't want to live here.
-I wouldn't? No, miserable winters, smog, earthquakes.
That's New York? Besides, your boy wants to retire some day take his pension and return home to Plumb Center and his mother's arms.
Cut it out, T.
C.
He's right, son.
I'll be home waiting for you.
Thanks, Mom.
Stop, T.
C.
It's no use to run.
I got you now.
Is somebody calling us? Just an autograph hound, persistent fellow.
Shall we be on our way? -What's next, T.
C.
? -Your Ma is gonna christen a ship.
A ship? Me? Certainly.
As they say in high navy circles shall we go to launch? Spook, Dibble's gaining on T.
C.
Yeah.
He's starting down the alley now.
Don't worry, men.
It's in the bag.
Sounds like I got a flat tire.
Am I holding this right, Benjamin? You're doing fine, Ma.
Of course, we don't ordinarily use ginger ale but it's the taxpayers' money, and it is an election year.
I understand.
Now tell me again, what do I do? You just say: "I christen thee the good ship Mother Benjamin B.
Ball Sr.
" Then you smack it with the bottle as hard as you can.
Imagine having a ship named after little old me.
Hold it, Top Cat.
You're all under arrest.
Now, Ma.
I christen thee the good ship Mother Benjamin B.
Ball Sr.
This is it! Ginger ale.
I didn't know I was supposed to launch the Captain along with the ship.
Just a minor mishap, Ma.
He's bound to have some sort of group insurance.
Where to now, T.
C.
? Next is the dedication of the new quadraborough, multi-level transaquatic bridge.
My, that sounds important.
Is somebody after us again? Probably another reporter.
They mean well, but such a nuisance.
Hold on to your hats, folks! All right, you double-crossing meathead, out of my car.
-Dibble! -Sergeant! I'm riding along, minding my own business.
A taxi forces me to the curb.
The driver gets out and calls me a meathead.
He looks like Dibble.
He orders me out of my car, then he disappears.
I got to get off that reducing diet and go back to food again.
Now this has gotta look good, Choo Choo.
Does Spook know what to do? Yes, T.
C.
He's doing it right now.
I can't look.
My, are all those cars here for the bridge opening? Yes, Ma.
When you cut that ribbon all those cars will roar across the bridge.
To think that cutting this little ribbon will do so much.
You're a smart mayor, son.
Thanks, Ma.
We're doing our best.
Hold it, you phonies, I've got you now.
Don't move.
Stay where you are.
Here comes the traffic detail.
Ma, snip the ribbon! All righty.
Help! And now, as the sun sets in the West, we depart for the airport where our honored guest will wing her weary but happy way home.
I'll never forget this day as long as I live.
-I'm glad you had a good time, Mom.
-Thank you, Benjamin.
Now you can tell the family I'm a big success.
Of course I will, son, but I'll tell you a little secret.
It wouldn't make any difference to me what you are.
Mayor or not, I'd love you just the same.
-Really, Mom? -Now she tells him.
T.
C.
, we've got company again.
Man, like uninvited company.
Don't tell me, let me guess.
Is he big, fat, with a definite resemblance to the Neanderthal Man and wearing a policeman's cap? Yep, it's Dibble, all right.
I'll get you this time, Top Cat, if it's the last thing I do.
He's gaining on us, T.
C.
Man, like we were standing still.
We're not, men.
The cab isn't built that can overtake one of these souped-up police cars.
Just hang on to your hats while l-- What's wrong with this crate? It's slowing down! Wouldn't you know it? Just like Dibble to run out of gas when you need him most.
Is something wrong? Ma will miss her flight.
We'll just take that taxi to the airport.
Cabby? Who are you calling cabby? Dibbler, of all people.
Does the Commissioner know you're holding an outside job? Don't be so wise, T.
C.
You'll get life for this.
I'm charging you with grand theft auto, resisting arrest impersonating elected officials, parading without a permit -littering.
-You can stop right there, Dibble.
I plead guilty.
You do? Then get in my car.
You're all going to headquarters.
Your car's out of gas, Dibble.
Then we'll go in Charlie's taxi.
Okay, everybody, out of that car and into the taxi.
You know, it's going to feel real funny to be in jail tomorrow.
What's so special about tomorrow? Tomorrow is Mother's Day.
I forgot all about it.
Don't worry.
Your mother, dear sweet thing will receive a special-delivery Mother's Day card from you.
I took care of it.
Gosh, T.
C.
Thanks.
Yes, it's a shame all mothers can't be happy especially that little old lady over there, Benny's mother.
I don't get it.
You see, everything we did today was for her.
The launching, the bridge dedication.
Just a little fun in the big city.
Was that too much to give a mother? Now wait a minute, Top Cat.
I'm for mothers, but you broke the law.
After all, I have my duty to perform.
I dream of Mother with the silvery hair Who could deny a mother happiness? It could be your mother, my mother.
So I borrowed a police car.
It was for somebody's mother.
You should have seen her tired, seamy old face light up with joy when we gave her the key to the city.
Her eyes fairly danced.
-They did? -Yeah, they did, but don't interrupt.
And that parade through the streets.
Her tired body, her work-worn hands were all forgotten as tears of joy streamed down her wrinkled cheeks.
Please, T.
C.
, no more.
Dear, sweet old soul with the silvery hair.
So I broke a law or two for her, blundering fool that I am.
My only motive was to make a mother happy.
Tell me, T.
C.
, what have you got against me? Nothing, Dibble, and that's why I want you to do your duty.
Go ahead, slap on the cuffs, but be merciful.
No cuffs on Mother, please.
She thinks she's going to the airport to catch the plane home.
What do you take me for, a mother-hater? I'll take her to the plane.
-You mean.
-What else? Mother, everyone, into the cab.
I don't care what anybody says about you, Dibble.
You know what you are? You're all heart.
Bye-bye, everybody.
Thank you for everything.
Bye-bye, Mom.
Write soon.
Control yourself, Dibble.
I'm sorry, T.
C.
I'll try.
Ma's going to send him a cheesecake.
Benny, no one deserves a cheesecake more than Officer Dibble.
Many thanks for the use of the cab, Dibble.
Don't thank me, thank Charlie.
It's his hack.
Modesty.
You are big, Dibble.
Big! If there's ever anything we can do for you-- Dibble, you had the flag down all the time.
The company's gonna want the fare.
Never mind, this one's on me.
It's the least we can do.
Oops! $57.
85.
Outrageous! Here you are.
-A quarter? -For the tip.
You don't want to get a reputation as a cheapskate.
Be seeing you.
Let's go, gang.
Let's head to the hills.
Come back here, T.
C.
! Dibble, come back here! Somebody's got to pay for this.
You owe me $57.
85! Come on, Dibble! Go, boy! Five-to-one he gets away.
Any takers?