Top Cat (1961) s01e09 Episode Script

Naked Town

Okay, Officer, go try the door.
Now, just act natural.
Roll those cameras.
Action! Now over to the door.
Good.
Good.
Now try the door.
Act natural.
Good.
Now around the corner just like you do every day.
Great.
-Dibble sure acted natural.
-Yeah, like a natural ham.
Yes, of course.
In fact, I watch your TV show every week.
Naked Town is my favorite program.
Good.
As you know, I'm the director of Naked Town.
And I'd like your permission to use a street locale for a warehouse robbery we'd like to shoot today.
Why, certainly.
No problem at all.
Step right over here.
This is the city.
Pick a street, any street.
Be my guest.
This is the warehouse district.
Would it be all right if we used Hoagy's Alley? Hoagy's Alley is yours.
What time would you like to start shooting? -1:00 this afternoon would be fine.
-Certainly.
I'll have the traffic rerouted around the area.
Let's see, that's Officer Dibble's beat.
He'll give you full cooperation.
That will be fine.
Thank you, Sergeant.
Goodbye, and keep watching the show.
I will.
That Dibble's never around when I want him.
Just a minute, hold it.
One of you guys is out of tune.
Benny the Ball, sound your "A.
" Okay, T.
C.
Okay, now you, Fancy Fancy.
Right, T.
C.
Beautiful.
Right on it.
Now, Choo Choo.
What a tone.
Okay, Spook, you're next.
-Like, right now, T.
C.
? -Yeah, like, right now.
Mellifluous.
Brain.
Okay, T.
C.
That's it.
That's the sour note.
Let me see those bones.
No wonder.
Brain, you're using a lamb bone and a beef bone.
And the score calls for two lamb bones.
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't cursed with such an acute ear for music.
Interruptions.
Coming.
Yeah.
What is it? Officer Dibble? Who's calling? I'm sorry, but you'll have to give your name.
Officer Dibble is a very busy man.
Who? The sergeant? Officer Dibble is in conference right now.
That's right, he's in conference with a pretty nursemaid from one of the swank apartments.
Are you sure it's important? Okay.
Dibble.
On the double, Dibble.
Be right there.
Thanks, T.
C.
Dibble here.
Quiet.
-You screamed, Dibble? -Yes.
I screamed, "Quiet! " Take five, boys.
Yes, Sergeant? Nursemaid? Her little boy's wagon needed fixing and it-- What? You'll fix my wagon? Yes, sir, I understand.
No more nursemaids.
I tell you, that Dibble will never learn to be firm with the sergeant.
Dib just hasn't the knack, the savoir-fairy, the stiff upper lip.
-He's not like you, T.
C.
-Thanks, Benny.
You got plenty of lip.
I'm sorry, T.
C.
Benny doesn't know any better, but you watch it.
Right, Sarge.
Reroute traffic.
Naked Town.
Full cooperation.
-Top Cat.
-Yeah, Spook? What's Officer Dibble talking about? Are you, like, cognizant? Now, Spook, you know I never eavesdrop on Officer Dibble's phone conversations.
At least not since Dibble ripped out the wiretap you had on his phone, T.
C.
Yeah, how about that? You'd think we had no right as citizens to know how our police department is being run.
Right, Sergeant.
I'll see that everything goes smooth for the TV people.
Right.
No more talking to nursemaids.
I promise.
Got it.
Bye.
They must have a radar hookup at the station house.
How else would the sergeant know about the nursemaid? Unless.
Top Cat! Yes, Officer Dribble? I mean, Dibble? How many times have I told you to keep your hands off my phone? How many times? Let me count the ways.
How many drops in the ocean? How many stars in the sky? You know something? Good poetry kind of gets me right here, Dibble.
This club will get you someplace else if you touch that phone again, T.
C.
Yeah, the phone.
What was that call about, Dib? Fill us in.
You know we stand united in back of you to help in any way we can.
They're going to film a TV show this afternoon right here in this alley.
A TV show? No kidding.
What TV show? It's going to be, if you'll pardon the expression Naked Town.
What he said.
Don't encourage him, Benny.
You are going to play a part in it, no doubt, Dibble.
I hadn't thought about that.
Let's think about it, Dib.
You'd be great in a character part.
You got a head start being a character already.
There might be a small part in it for me.
A small part? Fellas, that's what I like humility, the hallmark of the great ones.
Go on, Top Cat.
Think, Dib, you've got what it takes.
Look, fellas, just look at that profile.
Spook, doesn't it do something to you? Yeah, it does, but I can keep it under control.
Dibble, this could be the step-up you've been looking for.
You think so? The opportunity and the man ready for it meet head on crash in a shower of stars.
-They're always looking for new faces, Dib.
-Yeah.
First, a small part.
The people notice you, letters pour in.
The people demand to see more of you.
Bigger parts.
You're kidding, Top Cat.
No.
You're on your way up.
Yeah, up.
Then Hollywood.
A star is born.
Rock Dibble.
You're on all the fan magazines.
Rock Dibble at his Beverly Hills mansion.
Rock Dibble sings.
Rock Dibble dances.
Rock Dibble wins the Academy Award Oscar.
And then, you'll be saying.
.
"I owe all my success to my good friend, Top Cat.
" Without Top Cat, I'd still be pounding a beat.
Rock Dibble speaking.
Why, Sergeant, when did you get out to Hollywood? That Top Cat.
Yeah, Sergeant, I got it straight.
Yes, sir.
You don't want any slip-ups.
Repeat after you.
The TV company is coming at 1:00 and film a warehouse robbery right here in the alley.
Yes, sir.
I got it.
Rely on me.
Knuckles would like to hear that.
Knuckles speaking.
Today? Good work, Socker.
Thanks for the tip.
What's the deal, Knuck? Don't call me Knuck.
My name is Knuckles.
Sorry, Knuckles.
Okay, Ape, now listen.
We got a job to do in a hurry.
Now here's the deal.
We're taking a truck into the alley here.
Then we park it here.
And then we clean out the warehouse here.
But there's always a cop hanging around in that alley.
Yeah, but he's gonna help us.
-You're kidding, Knuckles.
-No.
The cop's gonna think we're shooting a TV show.
Knuckles, you're a genius.
Thanks, Ape.
Now go down and paint a TV production sign on the truck.
Then we'll take off.
That's a great idea, Knuckles having a hideout right next to the police station.
Yeah, they'd never think of looking next door for stolen goods.
Dibble, it looks like the TV truck is here.
It is a truck.
Now, stay back, all of you.
I wasn't expecting you till 1:00, gentlemen.
I know, but we're ready.
No use waiting.
Yeah.
TV is rush, rush, rush.
I'll have all the streets blocked off.
-No one will disturb you.
-Good.
We don't like to be disturbed while we're working.
Yeah, it makes us nervous.
Let's see.
Which warehouse shall we heist? Just take your pick.
There's plenty of them in the neighborhood.
T.
C.
, it looks like Dibble isn't going to be in the picture.
Yeah, Fancy, but I'll take care of that.
Hold it.
Hold everything.
Cut.
Now I happen to be top cat around here.
And unless Officer Dibble is in this TV show you can't use the alley.
Get it, Charlie? Shall I knock him, Knuckles? No.
Let's go along with the gag.
Okay, Top Cat, the policeman's in.
Thanks, Top Cat.
Think nothing of it, Dib.
Okay, Officer when I tell you, you walk over to the door of that warehouse.
Walk over, right.
Then try the door.
It's locked.
Locked door.
Right.
Then you walk around the corner out of sight.
Out of sight.
Then what? Then nothing.
You stay there while we shoot the robbing the warehouse scene.
-You got it? -I got it.
Stay out of sight.
-Say, where's the cameras? -Back in the truck.
-In the truck? -Yeah.
We shoot from the truck like that peeking camera show.
Imagine that, a hidden camera.
T.
C.
, look at old Dibble.
Yeah, he's really been bitten by the show biz bug.
Okay, Officer.
Go try the door.
Now, just act natural.
Roll those cameras.
Action! Right, Knuckles.
Roll them.
Action.
Now over to the door.
Good.
Good.
Now try the door.
Act natural.
Good.
Now around the corner just like you do every day.
Great.
-Dibble sure acted natural.
-Yeah, like a natural ham.
-They're going to rob the warehouse now.
-They sure make it look real.
Yeah.
They're moving in for a close-up.
That's TV talk.
Look, Ape.
Just look at all the valuable stuff.
TVs, radios, watches, clocks, what a haul.
Come on, Ape, start moving the stuff into the truck.
They sure cut expenses on this show.
The producers double as actors.
Yeah, they even drive the truck.
Must be a real low-budget show.
Come on, Ape.
Move it.
We'll never get the truck loaded at this rate.
We can't do it ourselves.
It'll take all day.
Okay, so I'll get that bunch outside.
How would you guys like to be in this show? Now you're showing some good sense.
I have a very talented group here.
We have a little band number worked out.
You'll love it, just love it.
Some original songs and dancing.
No music.
You just carry out boxes.
Carry.
With all our talent, we carry out boxes? If you want to be on TV.
We'll carry out boxes.
All right, let's keep it moving.
Let's get this stuff out of here.
On the double, men.
Keep it going.
And how many times do I have to tell you don't look at the camera, boys.
Now where is that Benny? I haven't seen him doing anything.
There he is.
Benny, what are you doing? Don't you know we're shooting a picture? I was going to set the alarm on this clock, T.
C.
Benny, put that clock back in the case with the others and get that case on the truck, boy.
-Okay, T.
C.
-That's it.
Now let's keep going.
I'm steadying it for you.
How about a close-up, fellas? Sure.
Keep it moving.
Okay, cut.
That's the last case.
Start the truck, Ape.
Let's get out of here.
See you on television, fellas.
-I wonder what channel we'll be on? -Search me.
I don't know, seems like we forgot something.
Brain, what did we forget? -Officer Dibble.
-Of course, good old Dib.
Dibble, you can come out now.
Dib, you were sensational, kid.
You're just saying that, Top Cat.
No, it's true.
Isn't it, fellas? -Just great.
-Wonderful.
The greatest.
Thanks.
How did everything go? Fine.
They cleaned out the warehouse.
It was sensational? I looked good? Kid, you are on your way up.
Tell me again.
It's the sergeant, Top Cat.
Something happened.
He looks all excited.
He probably wanted to play a part in the picture, Dib.
-Tell him he's too late.
-Yeah, the sergeant's a natural born ham.
The show's over, Sergeant.
They've been here, shot the scene, the warehouse robbery and made their getaway.
It looked very realistic.
It was realistic, Dibble.
That was a real robbery.
It was realistic? But the TV company.
They won't be here till 1:00.
Just where were you during the robbery? I was hiding like they told me to.
Dibble, you're on suspension immediately.
And what do you know about this, fur-face? Would you repeat the question, sir? I didn't quite understand it.
We were in the picture.
We carried the stuff out and put it into the truck.
That did it.
Paddy wagon, here we come.
Say, T.
C.
baby, aren't we going to need some legal counsel? No, we don't need a lawyer for a little misunderstanding like this.
Why, it's an open-and-shut case.
You were right, T.
C.
, an open-and-shut case.
They opened the jail and shut us in.
Choo Choo, would you please knock off that music? They always play harmonicas in prison movies, T.
C.
This isn't a movie.
It's coming in live, it's for real.
Dibble's in trouble, we're in trouble.
Anybody got any ideas? Come on, now.
Let's think, boys.
I've got an idea, T.
C.
Brain, you always come through.
Let's hear it, Brain.
I figured out we can do nothing while we're in jail.
Right.
Go ahead.
-So what we have to do-- -Yes? -Is to get out of here.
-Right.
Good thinking, Brain.
And you've figured out a way to do it.
No, but I'm working on it.
Brain, sometimes I feel like working on you.
All right, Spook, what's the matter with you? I'm having a little trouble.
What kind of trouble? They shut my tail in the door.
They shut your tail in the door? There you are, Spook.
You're just lucky the door didn't snap shut on it.
Thanks, T.
C.
That's a relief.
What a dumb guy, that Spook.
The door was open all the time and he.
The door was open? All right, men.
Fellas, listen to me.
Pay attention.
Listen very carefully, lads.
The door is unlocked.
Now, here's the scheme, men.
We go to the door, we push it open, and then we blur, boys, we blur.
You know what that means? No.
That means we run as fast as we can.
You got it, men? Got it.
Stop them ! Come back here! Get them, guards! Close the gates! Okay, group, the coast is clear.
Top Cat, how did you get out of jail? It's a long tale, Dib.
It all started with Spook's tail.
But never mind that.
What are you doing in the alley, Dib? You're on suspension.
I know, Top Cat, but I.
I just couldn't stay away.
You see, the alley is part of my life.
I just took a walk down here, that's all.
If only I had let you set that clock, Benny, we might have a clue.
You didn't set the alarm, did you? No, you stopped me, T.
C.
, remember? Yeah, Benny, I remember.
-But I wound and set all the others, T.
C.
-All the others? I set them all for 12:00.
I didn't want us to work through our lunch hour.
Did you hear that? He didn't want us to work through the lunch hour.
Did I do a good thing, T.
C.
? Benny, 'tis a far better thing you did now than you have ever done before.
You mean there's a whole case of alarm clocks due to go off at 12:00? That's right, Dibble.
And when they go off, we'll know where the crooks are.
And we'll nab them, T.
C.
Right, Dib.
All we have to do is to be in the right place at the right time.
That's impossible.
Yeah, we only have an hour.
As a police officer I have to go to the police department with this information.
It might be a lead.
Dibble, we'll go with you.
If there's a reward, we want to be in on it.
And that's the situation, sir.
At 12:00, all these alarm clocks are going to go off at the same time.
Very good, Dibble.
Now, you tell me how can we hear alarm clocks going off in a city this big? Can't you make the whole city shut down at 12:00? Pull some strings, make some calls.
Make the whole city shut down at 12:00.
Now that's a bright idea.
Wait a minute, Sergeant.
Maybe an air-alert drill would do it.
An air-alert drill? Yeah.
That's a good idea.
I'm glad I thought of it.
What does that mean, Dib, an air alert? If the sergeant can swing it with the authorities an air alert at 12:00 will clear the streets.
All traffic.
Everything stops.
The city becomes quiet.
And then, when the alarm clocks go off, someone might hear them, right? That's right, Top Cat.
It's worth a try.
It's all set.
At 12:00 sharp, the city shuts down.
I just got a few minutes to alert all the officers on duty.
Okay, all of you, out.
Dibble, you're still on suspension.
The rest of you are lucky I don't throw you back in the hoosegow.
Now beat it.
How do you like that, Dib? We set up the sergeant to be a hero, and we're out in the cold.
At least we know we did our duty, Top Cat.
It was a nice, smooth haul, Ape.
Yeah, Knuckles.
And it's all stashed away safe and sound.
There goes the siren.
We're supposed to get off the street.
Come on, you guys.
Let's step into that building next door.
Okay, gang, on the double, let's go.
What was the siren noise for, Knuckles? Just one of them air-alert drills.
Relax, it'll be over in a couple of minutes.
It's the alarm clocks, Dibble.
They're inside.
I hear them, and the door is locked.
What do we do, Knuckles? We got to get out of here fast.
This noise will bring the cops from next door.
Come on, gang.
All together, now.
We'll smash the door down.
Hey, what's this? Good work.
You've captured Knuckles, public enemy number 12 and Ape, public enemy number 13.
We've been waiting a long time to crack down on Knuckles.
Crack down on Knuckles.
That's not bad, Sergeant.
Not bad at all.
How do you like that, he's a comedian.
I couldn't have done it without Top Cat and his gang, Sergeant.
Yes.
They're a good group.
Let's face it, fellas.
That Dibble's got a heart of gold.
We're in solid now and with the top brass.
Okay, gang, from now on, Dibble will go along with anything we do.
So step number one is Operation Money.
Benny, you start selling the raffle tickets.
Choo Choo, open up the lemonade stand again.
Fancy, start pushing the baseball pool.
Brain, find some way to unload all those hula-hoops.
Wait a minute, I got a call to make.
Let me have Los Angeles.
Official business.
Put that phone back on the hook.
You're a little mixed up, rookie.
This happens to be Officer Dibble's beat.
Officer Dibble is on a month's vacation as a reward for what he did.
I'm taking his place.
And I'm picking up right where he left off.
Come on, keep it moving.
Clean up this alley, and get those cans out of here.
It'll be okay when Officer Dibble comes back.
Right, T.
C.
? No, Benny.
By the time Dibble gets back, he'll forget we ever did him a favor.
You two, make with the broom.
Get that trash out of here.
Keep moving.
On the double.
Yes, Officer.
Yes, sir.
A whole month of this.
My aching back.

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