Top Gear (2002) s27e02 Episode Script

Series 27, Episode 2

1 Thank you! Relax, relax.
Hello, and welcome to Top Gear.
Which, tonight, is an electric car special.
Yes, we're officially on trend .
it's a strange feeling.
I can see that, mate.
Look at you.
What are them on your feet? You've got bananas on your feet! AUDIENCE LAUGH So, electric vehicles .
they got their positives, they've got their negatives.
Battery joke there for That was just for you, mate.
But I'm going to throw it out there .
who here drove here today in an electric car? Anyone? Yeah.
Yeah? Oh! You, madam? Yes.
Which one? Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV.
Oh, dearie me Ooh, look what you've done to him.
Look what you've done to him! I don't want to be rude but I mean I mean, do you not feel like you've given up on life? Oh-ho! Yeah, well done on not being rude! I do apologise.
He gets like this.
Yeah, that's why I'm not convinced with electric cars.
Because, to get an interesting one, you've got to spend a fortune on a Rimac or a Tesla Roadster.
And then the ones which are affordable, like a Leaf or a Zoe .
let's be honest, they're just plain boring.
Yeah, no, you've got a point.
So we reckon what the world needs is a budget electric sports car.
And rather than sit around waiting for one to show up, we each went out and built our own.
Sports car of the future, you say? Here it is! Yes, it's a battery-powered Triumph Spitfire.
What I've done here is, I've kept those classic British lines, and I've ditched that rather wheezy 4-cylinder engine and replaced it with BMW i3 batteries.
This car used to have well under 100 horsepower, it now has 260 horsepower! Whoa, look at it accelerate! To see what the others had come up with, I'd found the perfect place to meet up.
A disused fossil-fuel-burning power station on the outskirts of Telford.
Ah, McGuinness is here.
Look at his face.
I can see he looks impressed already.
Look at him.
He knows greatness when he sees it.
Ha-ha! Behold .
the electric Spitfire.
Forget the electric Spitfire for a second .
why have you come dressed as Spider-Man's grandad? I'm getting in character - '70s sports car .
relive the '70s sports car look.
You appear to have made a car for people who are yet to reach puberty.
W-what is it? That is a Nissan Leaf GTI Nismo Turbo Sport R.
Have you finished? GTI, as well.
A weird-looking Nissan Leaf thing on the outside.
Underneath? A Nissan Leaf.
Nissan have spent £9 billion developing that car.
What am I going to do to add to that? I've left it as is.
So you've taken a slow Nissan Leaf, and not made it any faster? I've made it more stylish.
Now, you've taken a Spitfire! Yeah.
And what have you done to that? BMW i3 batteries.
The motor from a .
from a bus, but we'll gloss over that.
A BMW i3 battery .
on a Spitfire? Well, IN the Spitfire.
Which is a 1970s car, with 1970s brakes and handling.
Let's just stick to the way they look at the moment.
I'm reliving the glory years of the sports car! I can't take you serious with them gloves on.
You can't take me seriously, and you've just turned up in that? You're 45 years old, man! Oh, my God.
Flintoff's here.
Oh, I quite like that.
Hi, lads! What is it, though? It's a bloody Subaru Brat.
It's really cool.
If he touches my Don't touch the coachwork! What? Don't touch the coachwork.
Not interested in that.
Have a look at this! The Mute.
It's a Subaru Brat on top, Tesla underneath.
How much power? Oh, do you want to know? Go on.
500 brake horsepower, Chris, yes! Oh, come on! How have you managed that? In that?! Tesla motor! "In that?" It's not "that" .
it's The Mute! So what's in the back of it? Tesla batteries.
Tesla batteries? Well, I got half a Tesla battery, I couldn't afford a whole one, just a half.
Why is it called The Mute? Do you want to do this, Chris, or me? OK.
In Australia, a pick-up's called a ute.
Yeah? It's electric, therefore, it's silent, therefore it's the Mute! So it's neither one thing nor the other? What do you mean "one thing nor the other?" Well, it's not a pick-up, it's not a sports car.
It's a sports car, Paddy.
It's how the Aussies do sports cars.
You're driving a spork.
What? You've stuck some plastic on a Nissan Leaf.
Have you got eyes?! Unfortunately.
Look at it, it's beautiful! It's what young people want.
OK, how much power has yours got? Stop deflecting.
Hundredbrake horsepower.
A hundred? That's 500 horsepower, really? In a Subaru Brat? 500 horsepower, yeah.
260, and I weigh half as much as you.
So it's between these two, isn't it? No, no, no .
because mine's been done by Nissan.
Yours has been done by you two .
in a shed.
It was time to put our sports cars Bang! .
to the test.
See you on the other side.
And with a disused power station at our disposal, we agreed to a fastest-lap battle around its network of deserted roads.
It's a bit temperamental.
I'll give you a hand.
You're all right, Paddy, I'll do it.
No, it's all right, I've got it, lads.
No, come on, Paddy! No, no, it's forced, it's just a little bit What's this?! Yeah, it just Go on, get in.
It's supposed to do that! Anyway .
back to the fastest-lap battle.
And first up to the start line was Flintoff and his 500 horsepower "Mute".
CHRIS OVER COMMS: OK, Freddie, here we go.
3, 2, 1 .
go! Oh! Off the line quick.
It's got proper grunt, hasn't it? Look at it go! Go on! Silence, in motorsport, normally means death.
Oh, geez Got some locking up a little bit, the front wheels.
I can feel the weight behind me.
Mind the barrier Come on, go, go, go! I tell you what .
that was all right! Seemed quick, though.
It was quick, but it was lacking drama.
Silent motorsport is nothing.
That's what I'm saying.
We need speakersgiving us noise.
TYRES SKID AND SCRAPE That's just showing off.
OK, Fred, you just posted a 110.
56, which is the fastest-ever lap of the abandoned power station short loop.
Next up - McGuinness's Leaf.
Looks terrible.
Oh, it's awful.
You look like you're going to go and ram-raid an Argos in that.
Look at the state of you! Start me off.
And can we make sure Harris is doing the stopwatch, cos I don't trust Flintoff.
Fair enough.
3, 2, 1, go! He's jumped the start.
That was a false start, Paddy! Oh, he's skidding around He's having a go! Wahey! Here we go! Oh, dear God.
Through therethat's it, that's got it! Come on, Leaf! Do not let me down.
It's like being on the set of Blade Runner! Silent assassin, this car.
Oh, hang on, he's going fast here I think he's got me! He's done you by five seconds there.
Did he go the right way? Eh? Give me the good news.
It's a 105.
You've beaten him by 5 seconds.
Come and look at his face.
Do not let him move.
Let me out of my car! Oh, my God.
I'm sorry for you here, I really am.
Hundred brake horsepower, you say?! 500 horsepower?! Five seconds, lad! You took one hell of a beating! 500 horsepower.
Did you only use 100 of them? I don't need you, as well, do I? All right, gentlemen, prepare to watch how it should be done.
Stringbacks look good.
Are you ready? 3, 2, 1 .
go! Look at how low it is at the back! He's going nowhere! Skidding! It sounds like a Scalextric! Oh, a bit of oversteer there! Woohoo! My wipers are on! Oh Oh! Oh! Why does he have to skid all the time? Please stop, please stop! The brakes are absolutely tragic! Whoa-ho! Come on, old girl! There we go! Felt good.
You know what that is? The worst possible outcome for me.
He's a berk! If you're about to tell me that I wasn't as quick as you, then I'm going home.
Well, you did it in 108.
Ta-ra, Chris, we'll see you soon.
Nooooo! So, it turns out, while it's easy to make an electric sports car powerful, making one that stops and turns is a bit trickier.
OK, Paddy, I'm going to admit the fact that I think my driving was subpar and you surprised me.
I didn't think you would win that race.
Well, thank you, Mr Harris, for your honesty.
Thank you, Paddy, and I'd like to say that in this light, the Leaf looks absolutely BLEEP But we weren't done yet, because we'd been told to head 45 miles up the road to Tamworth for another test, which, for one of us Oh, God, this is not good.
was a bit of a problem.
I'm doing 48mph, and I'm just watching the miles drop and drop and drop.
I've got 17 miles left.
There's forums online, and they talk about this kind of thing.
How much range can your electric car get? Well, not very much.
Not very much at all.
Erm, boys, I'm just going to Call of nature, boys.
I'm going to have to jump off at the next slip road, I'm afraid.
Paddy, I'm happy to stay behind with you, I've got one baking myself.
Don't worry, I'll catch you up.
You've run out of juice, haven't you? No And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the reality of buying a second-hand Nissan Leaf.
Surprisingly quick, just in very small doses.
Three miles of range left.
Three miles! But forget Paddy's frankly terrible decision-making for a minute.
The whole range anxiety thing actually affects every electric car.
Here's the reality of EV range.
Your average EV has a range of 100 miles, but it doesn't really, because the moment you get in it, and look at the throttle pedal, that hundred will go to more like 50 miles.
50 miles is completely pointless, because that means, psychologically, you're already worried about when you need to recharge.
What's the point in that? And then, there's actually finding charge.
No Oh, no Oh, God.
Right Hello, how are you? Hello, love, are you OK? You know who he is, don't you? I'm Paddy McGuinness off Top Gear.
Yeah! How are you? I thought you were going for me then, I backed off! I've run out of electricity in my car.
Have you got a cable with you? Electric cable? I've got the You just want to plug it in? I need to plug it in, yeah.
Bring the plug in.
Is that OK? font color="#00ff00" I'll give you a hand in a minute.
Oh, don't you worry, I won't be a minute.
Oh, he would And since our shed cars had already got us well up the road to Tamworth Time to fill up? Paddy stopped already, so we might as well.
we decided to give the electric car waiting game a go for ourselves by trying out some proper charge points.
So, how long will this take? Er, I don't know, 40 minutes? 40 minutes? HE SIGHS How long have you had the caravan? It isn't mine, it's me daughter's, but Oh, it's your daughter's.
She's only had it about six months.
What is it, a four-berther, a six-berther? Two, I think.
Two? It looks big for a two.
It's got a toilet in there.
Oh, yeah! OK, I don't get it.
There are about 200,000 electric cars on the road in the UK at the moment.
Within about three years, there will be a million, but I don't think we're ready for it.
There are six spots here to charge.
So within, they're saying within three or four years, this whole car park needs be converted.
Who's going to pay for that? The government? I'm just hoping my car charges quick, Chris, to be honest.
Are you all right there, Eric? Yes, I'm all right, you? He's fine.
You've struck gold here! PHONE RINGS Hang on a minute.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Here he is! There he is! Your car's changed, hasn't it? I'm just, erm I'm having a wee.
Are you in a caravan? No.
You're in a caravan, aren't you? I'm not in a caravan, what are you on about? Turn it round, let's see where you are.
Sorry about this, Sheila.
Who? Sheila? Hiya, Freddie! Hiya, Sheila! You all right? You all right? Who's Sheila? Yeah, I'm all right.
Sheila, I don't mean to be rude, but who are you? Sheila's helping me out! She used to be my neighbour in Bolton, and I were just driving down the road to the service station and I saw Sheila and I thought, God, it's a small world.
I've called in and seen her, and I'm here Can I ask Sheila? Sheila? Yeah? Whereabouts in Bolton are you from? Erm You're breaking up! Breaking up, lads.
Aw, it's gone.
They've gone.
That's complete rubbish, then.
He's just had tea and biscuits with a total stranger, whilst he's charging the Leaf outside.
But how long's it going to take to charge his car? It won't work, he needs a supercharger! Let's go to Tamworth, he's going to be late.
What, see if he catches up? Yes! Ahhh, a full tank.
I'm a little bit behind schedule, but life's good.
Biscuits in me belly.
Clean hair.
And you know what? Rolling in towards Tamworth, averaging four and a half miles an hour, I'd learned that your electric car will get you where you're going, you'll just be really, really late.
And this was the challenge Paddy eventually rolled up to The electric shock handling test.
The producers had commandeered a local go-kart track, to scale up the classic children's game, Buzzwire.
Designed to test whose sports car was best through the corners, the aim was to drive the course as fast as possible, keeping a clean line through the ultra hi-tech array of sensors, to avoid receiving a shock from a man called Martin.
Shall we just test it's working, that? Aaaaarrrggggh! You BLEEP! What are you doing? I'm not sure it worked Aaaargggh, aaarrrggh! Yeah, it's working, Martin.
Just one more, go on.
Aaaarrrgggh! You stupid, goofy BLEEP! Is he talking to you? We're just worried, Paddy, it's not strong enough.
Should we just turn it up a little bit? No! Do not turn anything up, it's plenty strong, trust me! Think I might have wee'd myself.
Let's just test it one more time No! No! Aaaaarrgggh! Pack it in! Go on, Paddy, man! That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Paddy, can you say that you're ready, please? Yes I'm ready, you clown! OK.
3, 2, 1, go! I am not, not, not touching that side.
Not touching the side.
Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Oh, he's just taking them all out.
No! That's not happening again.
Get him on the corner, Martin, get him on the corner! Now, Martin! Now, now, now.
I'm not touching the side! He's just shouting at the windscreen! Aaaargh! I'm not touching the side, you BLEEP! Aaaargh! BLEEP get me to the end of this! Where's the finish? Aaaargh! HE EXHALES Do you think we might have taken it too far? Are you taking the BLEEP? Him! It was him! It's like I've had a conger eel stuck up me BLEEP, lads! Who's next, out of you two? You? Him.
Get in! I might just accidentally not go to the car.
I might just Go on.
Go on.
Good luck.
Do yourself a favour.
Strap on a Tena Lady and grow a pair.
Here we go.
3, 2, 1, go! I'm not losing to that gimp.
No way I'm losing to him.
Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Oh, he's gone straight off! That's got to be a press, that! Aaaargh! Stop it, you horrible BLEEP! He's got 20 seconds to get through.
He's not going to Paddy, give him some.
Aaaargh! I can't steer! That's what we want! He's got a steering crash! I couldn't steer! Right That's just got it you, that! 7, 8! This is the most horrible thing I've ever done! Aaaargh! Aaaargh! Get off, you horrible people! Oh, look at his little face! He is going to be so angry.
He enjoyed that.
He's going to be so cross.
What was the time? I did it in 1:11.
The face on him! You did it in 1:14.
25! Oh! Oh! Because one of you made me crash! Before I set off last time I had five shocks, that's before I even got over the start line.
Two down, Flintoff to go.
A little bit of electricity never hurt anyone.
Martin, he's a big lad, whack that up to rhino, please.
In fact, hold that, you've worked your little socks off.
Take that off.
I'm giving you the night off.
There you are, Martin.
You take that, get yourself a .
nice cup of tea or something.
Right, OK.
All right, lads, let Martin do his job.
Don't be messing about.
There's no problem.
Martin's here, aren't you, Martin? He's nodding.
He's nodding.
OK, Freddie.
The time to beat is 1.
Are you ready? I am not going to give these lads anything.
Three, two, one, go! Press that button all you want, turn it up, lads, I don't care.
That can't be working.
Go on, whack it on, whack it on.
There we go, just take a few of them out, we don't care.
How is he doing this? He's not even reacting to it.
Well done, lads, yeah, go on, press it, press it all you want! What is it? Looks, he's made of different stock, he's not n That is not working.
Fred, we've just been speaking to the BBC technical department and they are fairly convinced it wasn't working during that run.
They've got some problems.
They want us to do another run.
You can tell the BBC department to BLEEP! It was definitely working.
You did it in 1:06.
56, which I think is four and a half seconds quicker than Paddy, and that was four seconds quicker than me.
Congratulations, well done, you were born in a lab.
Nothing to be proud of.
So, with the results in, there was just the small matter of the prizegiving.
As you know, the slowest time on the lap gets a forfeit and you were the slowest time again.
It's getting a bit of a habit.
It's embarrassing, really.
You pushed a button which forced me to crash and now you punish me for that crash.
Be careful with them on your arms, and you're drinking that at the same time.
Oh! Oh, come on.
I like it, Paddy.
You're the winner, Start drinking, Chris.
Say when.
Let him enjoy it, go on.
Just try a bit of milk.
Go on, get it in you.
ELECTRIC CURRENT ZAPS That's the best thing I've ever seen! I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop! I never want to drink milk again! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What was all that about? What's wrong with you two? It's just a bit of electricity.
Fred, you're not human.
It's electricity.
God forbid you need a defib - it will have no effect.
"Clear! Is it plugged in? Clear!" Paddy, what you've got to remember is I used to play a real hard man sport.
Fred, you played cricket! Hang on! Tell you what, you try standing in a field, dressed in white, not knowing where your next cucumber sandwich is coming from.
You've got to be hard, son.
It was agony, lads, come on, it was absolute agony, and if that's the light relief from the pain of childbirth I never want to be pregnant.
Are you sure you're not? And to be fair in that jumper you did look like a giant Ribena berry just waiting to be squeezed.
I had two layers of thermals underneath, I'll have you know.
Why have you got them on now? You can take them off.
Dearie me.
What?? Dearie me.
Do a link.
Well, enough of you two.
Now, if you're talking electric cars there's only one name you can't ignore, and that's Tesla.
And it's got a new car out, quite a significant one, so I went to take a look.
The Model 3, Tesla's cheapest car yet and no question its most important.
In fact, this could be the 21st century's most important car yet Because the Model 3 wants to be the first electric car you buy not because you want an electric car, but because it makes more sense in every way than buying a car with an engine.
This is the car that wants to make electric mainstream.
So, here's what I'm going to do and it's a pretty left-field plan.
What I'm going to try and do is ignore all of the hype surrounding the Model 3, and instead I'm going to review it as a normal car.
Totally normal car.
Just driving itself to collect me.
HE LAUGHS So cool! Hee-hee! So, the Model 3.
Starts at just under £40,000, including the generous government grant which isn't exactly peanuts, but, let's face it, is bang on the money of a BMW 3-series, an Audi A4 or a Mercedes C class.
Basically, the cars people buy big in Britain.
Now, like every other Tesla, what you have here is a load of batteries under the floor feeding a motor at the rear, or if you pay more - actually quite a lot more - a motor at the front, as well.
Range? Officially, you'll get just over 250 miles on a single charge, or nearer 330 miles if you go for the more expensive one.
And as long as you don't regularly drive more than 200 miles in a day, which, let's face it, not many of us do, then this thing shouldn't be a pain in the plug socket to own And if you do need to go more than a few hundred miles in one hit, the Model 3 will tell you which supercharger stations you need to stop at, for how long, and if they're busy or not.
It's all very slick, as is the interior which is slick to the point of hardly existing at all.
Everything is controlled by a vast central touch-screen.
Lights, wing mirrors, even opening the glove box.
Delve deeper into the menus and you'll even discover the Model 3 features a sense of humour.
Watch this.
You can make the screen a roaring, crackling log fire.
I don't know why that's cool, it just is, it's very soothing, as well.
There's also emissions mode, which is a kind of virtual whoopee cushion and you can apportion a fart sound to whichever seat you want.
back left.
I mean, endless fun for the kids.
ELECTRONIC FLATULENCE Now, you will notice that I haven't yet mentioned what the Model 3 is actually like to drive and that's because, well, it's an electric car.
You know the game.
It's pretty nippy off the line, otherwise quite unremarkable.
It's not bad, it's just electric.
And as for the ride, well, it's not as good as the best Germans, but it's so close that most normal people really won't notice the difference.
In truth, you get the impression the Model 3 thinks the whole idea of driving is just a bit old-fashioned.
On a motorway, Tesla says it will pilot itself, accelerate, brake, steer, even change lanes.
It's Tomorrow's World stuff, but it does make you wonder - why doesn't it have the looks to match? I mean, it could have been a bit more futuristic, surely? For the car that might change the face of all cars for ever, it's just a bitvanilla.
But maybe that's the point.
The question you have to ask is, does the Model 3 offer enough to tempt someone out of a 3-series or a C class or an A4, and the answer is yes, it really does.
This car is interesting, but not too scary.
And that's the Model 3's most impressive track.
It's just feelsnormal.
A normal, credible rival to all those normal, big selling saloons from BMW and Mercedes and Audi.
Although this one is also .
a bit more than that.
Oh! Because I probably should have mentioned, this isn't the regular Model 3.
This is the fast one.
The 444 horsepower, 48 grand, Model 3 Performance.
This is the car that Tesla boss Elon Musk boasted was quicker than a BMW M3, with better handling.
The car that will "beat anything in its class on the track".
That is quite some claim, Elon.
Time, then, for a test, against the ultimate fast saloons.
From Mercedes AMG, the C63S, from Alfa Romeo, the Giulia QB.
And, of course, from BMW, the M3.
First up, a drag race with a difference.
We're so used to Teslas being fast in a straight line now, but in my experience, electric cars are really quick off the line, but above 100 they tend to get caught by piston engine cars.
So I've made the drag race a bit longer.
Half a mile, twice the normal distance and well outside the usual Tesla stomping ground.
3, 2, 1, go! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Nailed them off the line.
60 takes 3.
2 seconds.
They're not closing in.
I'm still pulling away.
Oh, no, the Merc is coming back at me.
130, the Merc is coming back at me.
Here he comes! Here he comes! Here he comes! Oh, he just got me at the end! Oh! So it's a win for petrol.
But only just.
And only north of 120.
Let's not forget, in the real world, even the fastest saloon wouldn't see which way the Tesla went.
This is the traffic light king, this thing.
It's an AK-47 disguised as a butter knife.
Next test, then.
And this time, it's the hastily assembled Top Gear handling circuit.
Fastest through the cones wins, and with petrol up first, I had chosen the ideal car to lay down the gauntlet.
The beautiful Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio.
I drove it here once before - it beat an M3 and, frankly, I love driving it.
3, 2, 1, go! We are away.
I've got to turn right sharp into here.
This is the wetted bit.
That really is quite slippery.
Slide it out, why not? Now the slalom.
I love this thing, it feels so direct.
Agile, quick steering.
I love the fact that it's engaging me, and the noises it's making.
Come on! The nimble Giulia clocked a one minute 4.
8 seconds.
So what can the Tesla do? 3, 2, 1, go! It just scoots off the line! Ahh, but it rolls more.
I'm falling out of the seat! The car just feels softer, lazier than the Alfa.
I can carry less speed, I can feel the mass.
It's ugly, not as controlled as the Alfa.
But then, when you get into the acceleration zone, immediately it fires out.
That is fast! 1:04:8 to beat, come on.
Now, that is an impressive half a second quicker than the Alfa.
And it's all because it just squirts out of the corners.
Actually in the corners it has less balance, and it doesn't use its tyres effectively, for me.
But, ultimately, a car that looks like .
a very fast fridge is quicker than the Alfa that is supposed to be the performance car.
The world has gone mad! So the Model 3 really does live up to the boss's boast.
As fast - faster, even - than the very best of petrol.
Yes, there are things that the old fossil fuel burners still do better .
and if you want your performance saloon to be fun as well as fast, then the Tesla isn't quite there yet.
But it's not far off.
The Model 3 really does feel like a turning point.
You see, it does pretty much everything as well as a petrol car, but without burning a drop of fuel.
It's a big moment in the history of the motor car.
The electric future is happening right now.
And it's happening very, very, very fast.
Wow! The future.
Very, very fast.
basically, what you're saying is we should all give up now, in a few years' time we'll all be driving Teslas, Elon Musk will be king of the world, is that what you're saying? I don't think so, I think Elon is cleverer than that, because when Mercedes and BMW and the big Germans come on board, they're going to beat him cos they'll have the same technology.
But he's built battery factories.
So what he's going to do is he's created an electric car race, Tesla will duck out, and then he'll flog them batteries.
He's a clever man! Is it me, or does Elon Musk sound like something me mum used to buy from t'Avon Lady? Elon Musk? He's definitely wearing it.
He is.
He's definitely That or Febreeze.
The one thing we all want to find out is how fast the Tesla Model 3 is around our track.
So we sent out the Stig earlier today to put a full lap down.
Where do you reckon he's going to come, Chris? OK, well, the rivals are C63 and M3, but the fastest in that group, Alfa Giulia 1:21:4.
It's going to be close.
Shall we find out how the Tesla got on? CHEERING Yes! Yes! I can tell you, where are we looking? Mercedes, 1.
The Tesla Model 3 went round in one minute 20 .
one .
point five, which is AUDIENCE: Ooh! font color="# .
just under the Alfa Giulia.
That is impressive! That's the same speed as a DB11.
Faster than a BMW M3.
You've got to be impressed by that? Yeah, but it's not the fastest in class.
And you look at it, it's It's semantics.
We've learned two things, we learned two things, Fred.
One - that car is remarkable and it's the future.
Two - you holding a piece of plastic and trying to say words and numbers is at the very outer limits of your cerebral capacity.
Savage! Savage! Savage.
Right, time now to meet tonight's celebrity guests.
Danny Boyle and Himesh Patel.
Here's what happened when they arrived at our track earlier today.
The boys are here! Welcome.
How you doing? Himesh, how you doing? How are we all? Yeah, very good.
Right, guys.
What we have here is something called Barrier Chicken, OK? It goes up and down and we can't stop it, OK? We've also got a test car here.
We've got a speed gun.
Fastest under the barrier wins.
There's no glory in going slowly, is there? None whatsoever.
Go on, Dan! Let's have it! Yes! Do you know the reason we've chosen a Punto, Himesh? I don't.
Because it's the first car to get zero stars on the NCAP safety rating.
So this car is not that safe.
Oh, that's good(!) Go, go! I'm not going to change it because it feels very nar Yes! Yes! Only did it! Do you want to tell him? 74mph.
What a treat that is! All right, here we go.
There's no harm in failing, but I can't stand not trying.
O If it goes wrong, let's go wrong big.
All right, here we go.
Paddy, get your thing out.
Beg your pardon! Do not lift up now, do not lift up.
Keep going, we've got it, we got it, we got it! BOTH: Oh! We did it! Don't leave me hanging, Himesh! We did a speed, 74mph, you did a speed of Seventy Four mph! No! Exactly the same! So we got ourselves a tie-breaker, boys! Go on, get yourself in.
Let's go, just boot it, mate! Fast as you can, don't lift off.
Oh, 66, 67, 68, 69.
He's in the 70s.
Oh, we're going now.
Keep it on.
75! Yes, Himesh! Oh-ho! This time, 74mph, boys! Definitely not! You've not changed it! Listen, hold on to that.
Give us the lids, boys, where's the lids? Let's go! Gun it, Dan! Get the gun out, Fred.
All right, I know what I'm doing - Go on, faster, Dan! Whack it into fourth.
70 what? Two.
Go on, go on! No, I'm going to hit it.
Oh, no! Jeez Oh-ho! Whoops I knew we were going to hit it! So, we have a winner.
And it's not you two.
Come on, try that again, Himesh! Well, it's all right if you want to be vanilla and boring, but we've brought a bit of drama to proceedings.
Bit of speed, a little crash.
Oh! Oh! He stuck the nut on Harris! That's what you get for showing off, Fred! APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Boyle and the star of his new film Yesterday, Himesh Patel! APPLAUSE There we are! All right, guys? You all right, Himesh? Oh! That was fun! When he nutted him, that was amazing, wasn't it? Right, first of all, lads, car history, please.
Because I'm fascinated by the cars people have owned.
So, what do you currently drive? I drive exactly the same car as I did the last time I was on the show which was ten years ago.
No! I'm still in a Mini! No! A kind of Mini One.
Yeah, it's like, 18 17 years old.
Himesh? I got a 52 plate Toyota Yaris Get out! What?! Get out! It's five doors, so You're a movie star, do you not fancy something a bit better? I'm not yet a movie star, I wouldn't call myself that.
I mean, the film hasn't come out yet.
Maybe once the film does well, hopefully? What did you have before that? The same car, but Hang on! You had a Yaris.
Got rid of it, and thought, "I'll get a Yaris!" I didn't get rid of it on purpose.
My first one, I had an accident and had to write off the car.
But I didn't have a scratch on me after the accident, so I thought, "Well, it's a pretty sturdy car, "a pretty strong car, it looked after me well, "I'll just get the same thing again!" And your new film, Yesterday, now it's a brilliant idea this, folks.
Tell us a little bit about it.
So it's about this guy, who's called Jack.
His character's called Jack Malik and he wakes up one day, after he gets hit by a bus.
When he wakes up, he's OK, and he's the only person in the world that remembers the Beatles songs.
There is no record of them, you can't find them on Google.
There's no records, there's no vinyl, no tapes, no CDs.
It's literally like they've never existed? Yes.
And his profession is a rather unsuccessful singer-songwriter.
So he begins to sing one or two of the songs that he can remember, as though he's written them himself and he becomes more famous than Jesus.
Because he's over there! LAUGHTER He's in! Anyway, and so it goes on from there.
We got a clip, let's have a look! # Yesterday # All my troubles seemed so far away # Now it seems as though they're here to stay # Oh, I believe in yesterday.
# SHE SOBS When did you write that? Well, I didn't write it, Paul McCartney wrote it.
The Beatles.
Who? John, Paul, George and Ringo.
The Beatles.
Which beetles is this? The insect beetles or the car Beetles? The pop group, Beatles.
Nick, help me out here.
Right, yes There's this problem with musicians.
They presume everyone else has this encyclopaedic knowledge of obscure pop, in this case The Beatles.
Wow, this is the most complicated joke I've ever heard.
It's a very nice song.
It's not a very nice song, Nick.
It's one of the greatest songs ever written.
Well, it's not Coldplay.
It's not Fix You.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Mega scene, that! Now, in the clip, I feel as though you should tell people.
In the clip, you've got two teeth missing there.
/font Explain what that was.
Well, obviously, Jack loses his teeth in the accident, but we had this amazing guy, Chris Lyons, who created this little, like, a gumshield, basically, but you put it in, and it looks like your teeth are missing.
It is ultra-realistic, that.
It felt horrible.
Have you got his number? Because I've got a colleague with two big, prominent front teeth.
LAUGHTER People often think he's a seven-foot rabbit.
Oh, right, OK(!) Who are they talking about? What are you looking at, Danny? Nobody! No, no! I think it's time to find out how you guys got on in our reasonably fast car on the track.
You've been on before, but it was in the Kia Ceed? Yes!/fon How did you find the GT 86? It's much more powerful! Goodness me, it's much more powerful.
You drove the automatic, didn't you? I did, yeah.
And it was very, very exciting.
It is very, very addictive.
You were very, very competitive.
No! When I was in a car with you, you were like, "Can we do it?" I was, like, "All right, Danny, let's go for it!" No, I just wanted to set up Hamish to win to make him look good.
You're a Toyota veteran with all these Yarises, so you must have felt right at home! I mean, it was a big step up.
LAUGHTER Well, who wants to see the laps? ALL: Yes! All right, then.
Let's have a look at Himesh's first.
Off the line.
200 horsepower.
Danny Boyle.
He's got an Oscar.
He's got a Golden Globe, I think, a BAFTA.
You're not having this one, mate.
Really? You've got to go a bit quicker than that.
It's looking a bit slow.
Lacking aggression.
Got to beat Danny, got to beat Danny, got to beat Danny! OK, you beat Danny.
A kind way of putting it is "walking pace".
He's left some in the locker, let's face it.
Through the tyres.
Whoo! Now, the crucial section, second to last.
Danny, I think you're going down! Gambon's critical, don't run too wide And over the line.
Not bad.
Nice! APPLAUSE Himesh, here's the lap board.
Where would you like to be? I'd love to be just above David Tennant, because I know David, we did a play together and I just think it would be quite fun to beat him at something! Well, Himesh, I can tell you He's still struggling LAUGHTER You just ruined the tension, then! That you did it in one minute Forty.
four point eight.
Ooh! So here we go, just slot in just under David Tennant.
I know.
APPLAUSE Time for Danny's lap.
Now, I know that you two have both won big awards.
Danny you've got an Oscar, Himesh has got an Inside Soap Award.
Thank you, yeah.
Is that right? But this is the big one, so this is going to settle it.
Let's have a look at Danny's lap.
Oh, my God.
Here we go! Subaru engine in a Toyota.
Weird thing.
Himesh drives a Toyota Yaris and we're in a Toyota! I think this is a fix! Round Chicago.
Again, not really leaning on those tyres.
So yeah, I think it's a stitch-up.
I think the Toyota thing is just, it's too obvious really.
Some people have put that together, it's an obvious thing.
Very fluent talker behind the wheel.
Ever considered a job on Top Gear? Now the crucial section, second to last.
I got to make it round this corner, basically.
So stab on the brakes.
Here we go, looking good.
Looking good! Looking good.
Looking terrible.
LOUD BANG The puckered lips of a man who's just had a full code brown over Gambon.
Oh APPLAUSE There were some quick bits there.
Very quick bits.
Doing all right until then.
That was some world-class puckering going on there.
What do you think, Danny? Do you think you've got him covered? I think I just allowed him through at the end, really.
Otherwise I think I could have beaten him, but I put it on the grass, so there you go.
Himesh did a 1:44:8.
Oh, yeah.
Danny Boyle you did A one minute Forty four Oh, stop it! point seven! You're kidding! You're kidding! Is that right? Look at that! Is that right? 0.
1 of a second.
Wow! Is that right? Seriously? Unbelievable, innit? APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Boyle and Himesh Patel! APPLAUSE Now time to get back to our home-made electric cars, where our tour of the Midlands was about to crank up a gear.
It was the start of another day of life as electric car owners.
Heads up! And after a full night's recharge, it was time to get back to testing our sports cars by heading to Telford again.
Because to find out what the public made of our cars, the producers had got us each a stand at a local low emissions vehicle Expo and told us to go and create a buzz.
I had a little look at it online and we've got to take it serious.
I mean, a lot of the big boys are there.
There's Toyota, Tesla, Volkswagen are there.
And I'm not too worried about turning up in the Nissan Leaf because it's all-singing, all-dancing.
What I am worried about is those two turning up in those two horrors.
If electric cars are going to sell, they have to be sexy.
And the Spitfire, wow.
Just look at it! Have another look at it.
You won't be able to get near my stand and this car.
Once people see it, the Brat is going to blow their minds.
Still, soon we reached the Telford International Centre, where the Expo was already in full swing.
With our stands ready and waiting and some big business hitters to impress, the aim of the game was to draw a crowd and to get the highest number of likes we could for our cars.
APPLAUSE Whoa, whoa! Thank you, thank you.
Today, I am going to show you the first of a kind.
A lifestyle solution.
Get them cameras ready.
Feast your eyes.
APPLAUSE Come on, let's get going! Now Flintoff's big pitch Come on! .
was charging his car through exercise.
Not as fit as I used to be.
But that's the beauty of the Mute, I get fitter while the car goes faster.
And while that terrible idea played out, Harris had taken his outside.
I wanted to demonstrate to you this sort of moving motor show idea.
As you know, building a brand, if you want to sell something ordinary, you need a fast, sexy vehicle at the head of the range, and that's the space the Spit-e-fire occupies.
It's the aspirational vehicle.
What a surprise.
Time for a lesson in showmanship.
Let me hear ya! CHEERING ALL: Oooooh! Yes! There it is! It's electric, eh? And it's safe to say my stand was buzzing! She's won the travel pillow, everybody! But the question was This green one here.
The green one? Which car did Telford like best? Press the button! Speed it up! 'Ey up.
Oh, God.
You all right? You don't seem very enthused.
What are you waiting? Show business, my friend.
Deal with it.
Right, got the results.
Chris, you've got 76 green smiley faces.
Well done, Chris! That is match-winning, surely? Freddie, you got 112 green smiley faces.
Thank you.
Can I win something? Please.
112? Paddy.
That's me.
This you got 174 green smiley faces! But it wasn't about the car.
174 green Thank you.
It was tombolas, it was It was glittery jackets.
What, am I listening to you two? You've dressed as a geography teacher, and he looks like he works at Ikea.
Right, you will now head to the Nottinghamshire town of Mansfield for an endurance race.
That's me.
You're heard of the 24-hour Le Mans.
Well, this is the 24 minutes of Le Mansfield.
Oh, yes! I like it.
Oh, hang up.
The race starts in two hours.
Don't be late.
Drive safe.
I know I've not excelled in the first two disciplines.
However, this last challenge suits me down to the ground, doesn't it? A 24-minute race.
I'm light, I'm easy on tyres, brakes are not so good, but I got very good acceleration and I think this thing will last for 24 minutes.
I'm not sure the Subaru will and I'm certain the Leaf won't.
Harris had a point.
Oh, God! It's happening again! But over in the Mute, life is made easier by a secret weapon.
So, you could spend your life like Paddy, worrying every time you touch the accelerator, or you could have kept your engine in the car and just slip into petrol mode.
Shssh! And that little stroke of genius meant the drive to Mansfield was very relaxed.
Well, for me.
I've got 18 miles left and that's not real miles, that's electric miles, so God knows.
Mansfield - seventh largest town in the East Midlands and now home to the latest chapter in endurance motorsport.
Ionic, Leaf, Zoe, Smart EQ ForTwo.
The grid was packed with the biggest names in the affordable electric car market.
Big names we would now battle to prove our cars were the sports cars of the future.
Let's see what's what.
You all right? Lovely day for it.
This is proper, isn't it? Crowd are at fever pitch! Hang on.
Why's your bonnet hot? Must be t'batteries, batteries getting warm.
Battery's in the back.
No! You've got an engine in your car? I was worried about range.
You can't use an engine in this race.
I'm not going to use it in the race! Have you got sandpaper in your pocket as well? Oh, don't be like that, Chris! I'm going to swear on me Three Lions, I will not use the engine in the race.
Right, well, we'd better crack on because sometimes when it rains, on camera it can make your hair look a bit thin.
It's just an optical illusion, lads.
Let's go! Let's do this! He's thinning? How thin is he? So, 24 minutes of urban racing.
Most laps in the time wins.
Here we go, it's Le Mans-field! Out of the way, Flintoff! LOUD BANG Whoa, Harris! Sorry, Fred! There's batteries in the back of there! One corner in and Harris's shunt meant McGuinness was already pulling away.
The 105 GTR GTI TTI R Sport Leaf has leafed! Has leafed everyone for dead.
I've not looked at my range yet, I daren't.
I'm just going to keep going until I feel it slow down.
Fair play, boys.
They're not hanging about! McGuinness is just gone! I cannot tell you how badly the weight distribution affects the brakes.
I've just got horrendous oversteer, when I thought I'd have traction, and then I've got no brakes.
The weight sort of toboggans me forward at the corners.
And the Mansfield pedestrianised track wasn't exactly grippy either.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Took a couple of the hay bales there.
That's the trouble with this course.
You see, on a normal racing track, you might get on a bit of gravel.
Go off track here, you're straight through the window of a Greggs.
Impaled on a steak bake! What a way to go.
Back down the field, though, steak bakes were the least of their problems.
Oh, no! I've got that other Nissan flipping Leaf up my chuff! Oh, he's going for it! He's going for it! Swine! Swine!! And to makes matters worse, out in front, McGuinness was making it look easy! HORN SOUNDS Give the crowd a little beep.
That's what they want! That's what they've come out for today! They've come out for the glamour, for the excitement! And with Flintoff at the wheel Keep it quick, keep it quick! .
excitement is never far away.
Whoa! BEEPING We'd reached the halfway mark, and while Freddie had been busy ram-raiding the Market Square, he wasn't the only one with problems.
CHRIS GRUNTS Terrible noises! Something is broken.
Aw, there's no acceleration, it's dying! I was streaking ahead.
I can't believe this, I'm going to have to pull in.
As I headed for the pits, Flintoff got back on track.
And started his comeback.
Keep on the road, Brat.
Keep going, baby! Keep going! BEEPING Briefly.
And that meant Where are them lot? .
I was still in with a chance.
No! A Renault Zoe? No, no! That's going to have to be enough! I can't hang on any longer! Oh, five minutes to go, where is McGuinness? Where is McGuinness? This was it, the final stages of the race.
Right, let's go.
Come on! See if we can make up a bit of time again.
All we could do now was hold on I think the Spitfire might be making her last journey! .
and try to finish as many laps as we could.
Oh, I can see them in the distance! Oh, is that McGuinness behind me? Oh, no! He knows I'm there! Here I come.
Three minutes to go.
Just got to last three minutes.
Come on! She's really broken now.
I am right on Flintoff! This is where it happens! Brake, brake, brake.
Do not make that mistake again.
Oh! Come on! No way through.
Yes! Chew on that, Paddy, lad! Chew on that! Oh! I don't think I've ever been more pleased to see a chequered flag in my life.
Well done, the Spitfire! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And a massive thanks to the good people of Mansfield for letting us take over their town.
But most importantly, gentlemen, the results are in.
AUDIENCE OOOHS Oh, I know it's exciting.
In third place, with 15 laps Must be a typo, this.
LAUGHTER Paddy McGuinness.
Aw, it was a good effort, Paddy.
Yeah! What?! It was a good effort, Paddy.
What? 15! 15! This car won every challenge! It won the power station lap, it won the Expo.
I've got this terrible cramp in my right hand.
That car, they spent £9 billion developing that and it does 15 laps at Mansfield.
Couldn't even catch me, boys.
I had to come off to give you a bit of a chance.
Right, in second place with 18 laps.
Three laps more It's Chris Harris.
Oh-ho-ho! APPLAUSE Oh, well done, Chris.
Well done, Chris.
What is that? How is that even possible? Which means, in first place, also with 18 laps Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So it's a draw! No, it's not a draw.
We went round for 24 minutes, we did 18 laps.
Like the Olympics.
The 400 metres.
You do the same distance, but who comes first? I came first, you never passed me! He has got a point.
LAUGHTER You might have been the best out of the three of us, Fred, but actually, all three of us came last in that race.
We were beaten by all the other boring electric cars.
Can you believe that? All of them beat these three.
So, at the top of the show we asked, can you build an exciting electric sports car on a budget? And the answer is, it seems, no.
LAUGHTER That is science! Awkward! But the problem is the batteries.
It's used batteries.
An 11 plate Leaf, done 80,000 miles, has a range of 35 miles.
So it's technically a write-off.
It's an utterly useless car, which you made uglier.
That's all well and good, Chris, but can we get back to the point of this? I won! Oh, God! Thank you! Thank you, lads! Don't encourage him! Don't encourage him! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh CROWD CHANT FREDDIE I'm pulling the plug! I'm pulling the plug! Thanks for watching, see you next week.
Good night!