Totally Spies! (2001) s01e23 Episode Script


VOICE (ON PA): Welcome
to the Windsor Mall--
London's newest and
largest shopping center.
[gasps] This store is
everything everyone said
it was going to be, and more!
I could stay in here forever!
What's happening?
[crowd screaming]
CLOVER: This new mall
is, like, the biggest
thing that's happened to
me since acrylic nails.
I can't wait until
it's finished.
Me neither.
Just looking at it
gives me goosebumps.
Can't you guys build any faster?
SAM: Take it easy, Alex.
Malls aren't built in a day.
CLOVER: Well, until
the new one's done,
it looks like we're stuck with
our old, tried-and-true luxury
One guess-- who am I?
Who wants me now?
I'm so popular, I can't
even seek refuge at the mall
Trying to be me?
[scoffs] As if!
It would take you months with
a professional makeup artist
to achieve my look
of perfection.
I was totally just
playing around, Mandy.
Lighten up a little,
beauty queen.
Let's blow this makeup stand.
No one gets away with
calling me "beauty queen"
and not really meaning it.
This should bring down
that pathetic wanna-be.
[alarm sounds]
Hey, you-- stop!
Get back here!
[all scream]
[all gasp]
Third floor--
gadgets, video, and info
on your next assignment.
This better be urgent, Jerr.
You interrupted a very
important shopping spree.
Actually, this mission
hits very close to home.
It seems something or
someone is kidnapping
shoppers at exclusive
stores called All The Rage--
destroying the stores
in the process.
Destroying stores,
and abducting
people while they shop?
How evil and horrible!
I know.
I know.
I'm here for you.
Who could be behind this?
That's where you come in.
You'll be going undercover.
As three gorgeous shoppers?
Actually, as three
TV fashion reporters.
Of course, as three
gorgeous TV fashion reporters.
You'll be going to
Cairo, where we're
fairly certain this group's
next action will be.
It's your job to find
out where they are, and--
Yeah, yeah.
We know.
Come on girls, we
have to save a store!
- Hang on.
- Huh?
Don't forget your gadgets.
Oh, yeah!
My favorite part
of our missions!
Ultra energy laser lip-balm.
Jet pack backpacks.
Hair clip monster grips.
Fume emitting cameras.
Voice alterer.
Compact parasols which
double as laser swords.
And of course, some CASH.
Hello-- it's the 21st century!
We all have credit cards.
The C-A-S-H, Alex,
is a Changeable
Application Spy Halter top.
It can be a parachute, a
net, a floatation device.
Uh, yes.
I may be coolest to you girls.
Well, cheerio!
Good luck in Cairo.
[all screaming]
We're here, live, in
ancient-but-fashionable Egypt.
Point the camera
at me, Spielberg!
[crowd cheering]
See anything strange?
Not yet.
I'm gonna go look around.
[electricity buzzes]
[crowd screams]
There's some sort of
laser perimeter on those--
We have to save Sam.
There's a skylight-- let's go!
Use the parasol!
Good idea.
Do you think--
It's like a huge elevator.
Let's go!
Oh, great.
I hope Jerr got the extended
warranty on this thing.
[both screaming]
What's that sound?
- Rats!
Creepy, beady little eyes!
CLOVER: I am sick of
watching this tape.
We've got to figure out
how to get Sam back.
Who's that freak?
CLOVER: Major freak.
Why is he so zoned, while
everyone with half a brain
is in a major panic?
Let's see what Jerry
thinks of this weirdo.
Hello, ladies.
Sorry about Sam.
I just sent you some
pictures from the store.
There's a calm, freaky guy
in the middle of the crowd.
I see him.
Suspiciously calm, eh?
Oh, by the way--
Clover, the Beverly
Hills Mall security
office need to see you, ASAP.
Some trouble involving
shoplifted perfume?
[gasps] I didn't do it!
I'm just the messenger.
Ah, yes.
Here's the scoop.
The calm man on the
tape is Simon Tucker.
He's a former owner of a popular
mom-and-pop store in Ireland
that was bought out by
Harrow's-- the high-end
store that recently
opened a Mall near Dublin.
Simon Tucker fought to save
his store, but couldn't.
But why would he
be kidnapping people?
Sounds like we're going
to Ireland to find out.
You are spot-on
correct, my dear.
[sighs] Hi.
I'm calling about--
You're the shoplifter!
I am so not the shoplifter!
I'm totally innocent.
That's her-- that Clover girl.
What is she doing there?
She's a liar!
You better turn yourself
in, miss fugitive!
Why is that little
witch, Mandy, there?
[scoffs] Who knows?
I'd like to squash her
overly-perfumed head!
(LOUDLY) I wonder
whatever happened
to that nasty little mom-and-pop
store that used to be here?
Simon Tucker did formerly
have a shop on this site.
We bought him out
and built over him.
That's business.
He mustn't have been
too happy about that.
He was paid handsomely.
Now, please leave the store.
We only cater to a select,
upscale clientele--
and, uh, you're not it.
You really must leave,
or I'll call security.
I'm having enough trouble
with mall security.
Girlfriend, let's go.
ALEX: We've been kicked out
of better stores than this.
If this store is built over
Simon Tucker's old shop, then--
Maybe we should
drop by later to do
a little after-hours spying.
[shutter clicks]
CLOVER: Exactly.
There isn't squat about Simon
Tucker in any of these files.
Tell me about it.
This was just a big waste
of time in a gross room.
This room is grosser.
These are all Simon
Tucker's old files!
This must be part
of his old store.
Listen to this.
"If they try to steal
my store from me,
they're going to pay dearly.
These capitalist pigs
will feel the wrath
of Anti-Consumer Team."
More rats!
I know how to get rid of 'em.
What the--?
What do we do now?
Just run!
Looks like this is the
end of the passageway!
Then let's make
a new passageway!
[both scream]
I mean, how weird is that?
A bunch of anti-mall freaks,
chasing us with wooden clubs!
Freaky, indeed.
It appears the club
is made from a very
rare Sydney Red
Gumtree, which only
grows in Sydney, Australia.
So the wackos get their
wood from Australia.
Is Simon Tucker from
Australia, or something?
A fair assumption,
but we're not definite.
What we do know is
that his former store
was an Australian import shop.
No wonder his
store went under.
JERRY: Speaking of "under,"
you two will be leaving
for "down under" in one hour.
Good day, ladies.
[jet engine roars]
Time to find Simon Tucker.
It should be cake.
Luckily, Australia's
a tiny little place.
Oh, wait-- do
you hear something?
[didgeridoos droning]
[droning continues]
Peace, love, and
groovy times, baby.
What is this place?
ALEX: And what's
with those patches?
CLOVER: Are those
people doing Tai Chi?
Destroy the mall!
ALL: (CHANTING) Down with malls!
Stop all shoppers!
Demolish the walls!
Whoa-- these people
are serious wackos.
Look over there!
ALL: Down with consumers!
A whole training camp to
learn how to destroy stores!
These people are like
my worst nightmare!
What the--?
[machinery grinding]
[crowd gasping]
ALEX: So this is where
all the stores end up?
They shoot through the
tunnel, like the one in Cairo!
That means Sam must be
around here, somewhere.
SCIENTIST: I think I've I've
perfected a more potent patch.
Come to the lab.
Putting the patches
on the temple
stimulates more of the
nerve endings, faster.
Now the mind-think serum travels
directly to the brain's core.
Our revolutionary
anti-shopping army
will be even more powerful.
I think Simon will be happy.
You call yourselves
anti-shopping revolutionaries?
I think not!
As we carry out the
revolution, remember our goal--
to destroy all shopping!
ALL: Right!
I can't hear you!
ALL: Right!
Shopping is evil, sir!
Man, Sam is
totally brainwashed!
It must be that
patch on her head.
Whatever it is, we have to
get her out of here-- like, now.
OK. we swoop down, and net Sam.
ALL: Hey!
What is that?
Let me down!
You won't get away with this!
- Ow!
[crowd cheering]
[boots stomping]
Attention, anti-shoppers.
We have caught the infiltrators.
They're in prison one.
I couldn't have designed
a better prison, myself.
I hope there's a sale going on.
[gasps] Simon Tucker!
That's me.
Welcome to your final
minutes as misguided,
materialistic consumers.
After my technicians apply
these to your fragile temples,
I'll be proud to
have you in my army.
We are not joining
any army of yours!
You're from Beverly
Hills, aren't you?
Yes, and proud of it.
And you love shopping.
Then you'll love this!
These are fabulous--
and expensive!
Oh-- they totally
match that short,
blue skirt you just bought!
Beverly Hills is a scourge.
The ultimate paradise
for evil shoppers.
It's the most heinous example
of consumerism on Earth.
Down with consumers.
Down with malls.
Stop all shoppers.
Demolish the walls.
I don't know what Beverly
Hills you're talking about.
And you are not going to
get away with your evil plan!
By the way, what
is your evil plan?
Well, since you'll soon
be helping to carry it out,
I guess I can tell you.
I plan on ridding the
world of all materialism
and consumerism-- the very
things that ruined my life.
I, and ACT-- my
Anti-Consumerism Teams--
will destroy malls
around the world,
starting with the new mall
in your Beverly Hills.
No way, you creep!
You can't!
That's our new mall!
Nothing is going to stand
between us and that mall!
You're going down, mister!
The jets are
ready to leave, sir.
The Armies of ACT are mobilized.
Sam, Sam, how can you do this?
It's Beverly Hills--
our Beverly Hills!
Down with consumers!
Down with malls!
Stop all shoppers!
Demolish the walls!
Too bad you won't be in the
army to destroy your own mall.
But there are many others.
Well, time to go to
the grand opening--
I mean, grand closing.
These scarves are from Paris!
Come on!
That was not the kind of
shopping spree I had in mind.
We have to get to the new
Beverly Hills Mall right away.
The future of shopping
depends on us!
[birds singing]
[crowd chattering]
[wagnerian horns]
Down with consumers!
Down with malls!
ALL: Demolish the walls!
Destroy all shoppers!
Demolish the walls!
Down the consumers!
Quick-- use the
voice-altering bullhorn thingy.
is Simon Tucker.
My faithful ACT army-- come
destroy the third floor!
Down with consumers!
Down with malls!
Stop all shoppers!
Sam, snap out of it!
Remember us?
We're your friends,
Clover and Alex!
Shopping is evil!
We have to get those
stupid patches off her head.
Oh, my!
Put on your halter.
We can grab Sam
and parachute down.
CLOVER: Over there!
Land in the fountain!
That water looks nasty!
Wouldn't you like to take a
nice, refreshing bath, Sammie?
Stay away!
[electric shocks]
That was weird.
Was I, like, brainwashed,
or something?
You totally were.
But no time to chat.
Wait-- I remember.
We have to save this mall!
Simon plans to blow it up!
What do you think
we've been doing?
There he is!
We have to get the patches off
the ACT army and stop Simon.
Well, water
should do the trick.
That's how yours came off.
Good point!
I have a plan.
Come on!
Troops, it's almost time
to commence the grand plan!
Come in closer, and listen well!
[crowd muttering]
SAM: Peel your patches off!
That's an order!
Simon is an evil man.
He has no right to hurt innocent
people and destroy malls.
Now let's stop him!
ALL: Yeah!
You won't win!
You'll never win!
Fight my new army!
Are you close to him?
[crowd screaming]
This can't be happening!
My plan was foolproof!
Congrats, girls.
You've made the world safe
again for obsessive shoppers.
I swear, I didn't steal it.
It was found in your bag.
That's the point.
And you have to deal
with the consequences--
and they're not pretty.
[gasps] You have
to believe me.
I am not the kind of
person who would steal!
Case closed.
It was in your bag.
You are not going to lie
your way out of this one.
No one gets away
with calling me "beauty queen"
and not really meaning it.
This should bring down
that pathetic wanna-be.
I knew you were in on this!
Nice try, lady.
I hereby assign you to two weeks
on the store's cleaning crew.
[gasps] Cleaning crew?
I've never cleaned
anything in my entire life!
Can't I just hire someone
to do the cleaning for me?
While you're
cleaning the mall,
why don't you take
this opportunity
to clean up your act!
So how did that TV
turn on by itself?
SAM: And then show the
exact tape you needed?
No need to thank me, girls.
It was my pleasure.
Jerr, you rule!
[theme music]
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