Trailer Park Boys s04e01 Episode Script

Never Cry Shitwolf

- Oh.
I'm sorry about that - Free at last.
I can't believe we're finall y out of that shithole.
You know, Randy, I wouldn't wish jail time on my worst enemy.
Yeah, I would.
Speaking of Ricky, heard from that McFuck lately, Julian? - Shut up, Lahey.
- No problem, Jules.
Just let me say, Ricky's dream world is about to turn into a nightmare Payback time for nine months in jail.
Maybe today, Julian maybe tomorrow, but Ricky's going down.
I don't forgive and I don't- - Jim, I'm serious.
Don't talk to me.
- Alright, Bubs, penalty shot.
- Alright.
You ready? Wayne Gretzy on court, Screwman.
Ah! - Missed.
- Ricky is the Trailer Par k Supervisor now and Bubbles is his assistant - They don't really do anything.
They get Corey and Trevor to do all the work for them.
- That's 'cause Ricky and Bubbles play hash hockey all the time.
- He's coming down the chute - Ah, man, you broke my net again.
- Sorry.
- Sara and I played one nigh t and we, uh, we won, like, sixteen grams over three hours - That's 'cause we rule at hash hockey.
We're not allowed to play anymore.
- Alright, Bubs.
Let's get stoned, buddy.
Let's do some hot knives.
- Ricky, I can't do hot knives It tears my throat.
Can't we smoke a clone or something - We can't, we won't get stoned.
Let's smoke this hash, we'll use the can over here.
Come here - No knives.
I'll use the can - Holy fuck, this hash is good [beep!] - Yo, mo-fuckers.
It's J Roc, you know what I'm saying.
You mo-fuckers gotta see my new ride.
Baaam! - Bam! [beep!] - Boys, this is Julian.
I got released today.
So you gotta come get me.
Don't make me take the bus home.
You got a half-hour.
- Julian's out of jail, Ricky.
We didn't move the stuff! Jesus, Ricky! - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You aren't getting off here.
- This is our stop, Julian .
- Listen, boys, I lost a lot of good friends in jai I protecting you guys, alright The least you could do is leave me alone.
- Stay away from Ricky, yo u won't have any problem with us - Jim, you know the equation You fuck with Ricky, you're going to get burned Let it go, Jim.
- Shit, Julian! Hey, hold on a sec, driver Oh, for fuck's sakes.
- Dad, thank God! I need you to drive the truck for me today.
You're in charge of Corey and Trevor.
Fucking be hard on them.
It' s the only way they understand Let's go, boys.
Fucking move it.
We gotta unhook this power - Let's go, guys.
Get the fuck out of here.
Let's move it - Hurry up, boys.
You guys are baked, aren't ya? - Here.
[zapping] - Ah, fuck! - Ricky?! [coughing] - The power's still on, Julian .
- Ricky, I'm Bubbles.
Ricky, you don't have a cigarette.
- I need a joint.
[music] Listen, you idiots, my dad is in charge.
Stay in radio contact with him at all times.
And do what he fucking says.
Just follow the list Bubbles wrote up.
- Ricky didn't learn to read like a normal person does.
He didn't pay attention in school.
He learned to read around the house, like cooking things, frozen-food things.
The directions are all numbered, Ricky learned to read.
And that's the only way he can really understand things.
- First thing on the list, borrow a five-ton truck.
You two dicks go find one, get it and radio Ray.
Don't fuck this up, alright? Test, test, trailer one, test.
[feedback] - Check, check, check.
- Owwww! - Adjust the fucking esqualtch - Check, check.
- Up, Trevor.
- Answer me, Trevor! - Check, check.
- Ricky, I got everything organized We just need the tape.
Get out here.
- Where the fuck is the tape , Bubbles? - You had the tape.
- Well, it's gotta be fucking here somewhere.
- Ricky, calm down! Calm down! - It's right here.
- Just follow the list.
The list is fucked, buddy.
We don't have time.
We're only at number two, there's ten fucking things You're gonna have to distract Julian, buddy, until we unfuck this up.
Here's the tape.
- Distract him how? - You're gonna have to get drunk with him, buddy.
- Ricky, I think maybe I shouldn't get drunk.
- Bubbles, just leave your guitar at home.
How hard is that? You don't have to sing.
- It's a lot harder than you think, Ricky.
Once I get drunk, I don't give a fuck, I just start singing - Look, I don't give a fuck about that.
All I give a fuck about is you keep him away from his trailer You can do this! - I can't promise anything , Ricky.
- You fucking idiots! - Where are you guys? - We're at a mall in Dartmouth, dude.
We just borrowed the truck , your Dad's pulling away now.
- Yeah, Ricky, it's Dad here.
Everything's under control - Awesome, Dad.
Good job, buddy.
[static] - Dude, this is- Stop.
Stop, please! We're getting shot at! - What the fuck is going o n over there, Trevor and Corey - Some guy's shooting at us.
He must own the truck.
We can't talk now.
We'll see you soon.
- Julian.
Wow! - Good to see you, man.
- How you doing? - Hey, Rick, what's up man - How's it going, buddy? - Good, buddy.
Good to see you, man.
You get the dope I sent you? - Yeah, thanks a lot, man.
Fucking good stuff, eh? Fuck I missed jail this year .
Was it awesome? - Yeah, it was pretty good .
The boys missed you.
They wanted me to say hi.
- Cool.
- Anyway, I gotta chill ou t at home for a bit, alright - What are you talking about ? Come on inside, smoke a joint and top up your drink, I got some chips and shit.
- Alright, a few minutes.
I just want to go home for a bit.
- That's cool.
- Nice rims, man.
- Yeah, those are pretty dope, eh? - Nice chain.
Is that real ? - Yeah.
- Where'd you get the mone y for that? - I'm the Trailer Park Supervisor now, man.
Sixteen grand a year.
Barb gave me a bit of money.
Bubbles gave me a bit of money.
Come on in, buddy.
o - Just a sec.
I don't want anything to d with any illegal bullshit, alright? I'm done.
- Julian, we don't even have time for illegal shit Think about it, we're Trailer Park Supervisors We gotta plant flowers, put up satellites and shit We been looking forward to you get out today all fucking week - Rick, Rick.
What are you talking about, man? You're not even making any sense here.
I didn't even know I was getting out until today.
- Exactly.
Fuck, it's good to see you, buddy.
- Julian, we're both baked That's why he's not making sense.
- It's true, man.
Rick, you already got a smoke going there.
- No, I know.
- Boys, boys, boys.
I gotta go home and have a few drinks, okay? The parole board fucked me around big time today.
I just have to be alone here , okay? No offence.
I gotta go - Just have another drink or something, buddy.
- Come on, Julian.
Hang on .
- Fuck.
- Hang out with me for a bit .
I got a big surprise for ya.
I haven't seen ya in months.
Come on.
- Boys, come on.
- You just got outta jail.
- Alright, alright, alright.
But listen, Rick, Lahey's on a warpath, okay He wants to fuck you over big time.
- Julian, I'm the fucking Trailer Park Supervisor now.
Bubbles is the assistant.
Lahey can fuck off, alright? I'm not doing anything wrong .
We don't deal with them for two weeks.
Who gives a fuck? - No, no, no.
They're back today, Rick.
- What?! They're out of jail too? - So watch your back.
- Bubbles, listen.
- Rick? - I want you guys to get drunk Have a fucking great time today, buddy.
You deserve it.
You've been in fucking jail.
You have some dope? I have dope in the trailer .
I gotta do some paperwork.
- Okay.
- What's up with the smokes? - He always smokes three smokes.
Come on, let's get some liquor Keep your eyes closed, Julian.
We got you a getting-out-of-jail present.
Don't open them, will ya? - Holy fuck.
- What's going on, Julian? - Keep your eyes closed.
- Hey, what's up, J Roc? - Good to see you back in the 902, cracker.
Put it up - Hey, man, what's up? - You remember DVS.
- J Roc.
Come here, pimp dog Want to talk to you about something.
Got a couple of things to do here, Julian.
Just give me a second.
J Roc, listen, Julian got out of jail early He doesn't even know we're growing weed.
I gotta create a distraction Can you please let me say we got this car for him as a present? - Bubbles, it's my brand-new whip, mo-fucker.
Don't do that to me.
- Come on, J Roc.
I'm in a jam I got an idea.
Two grams of blond Lebanese hash? - Let me check the shit out.
- Ah, shit.
Check that out - Bubbles, that ain't even blonde.
- It's got stuff on to it.
It's dirty blond, though.
Fuck, it's got blonde streak s into it.
It's Lebanese.
- Alright, B.
Never say I didn't have your back.
- Ah! - Bubbles, where did you get this? Where'd you get this? - We're gonna do some custom work to her, too Something I saw on the Internet.
It'll take me five minutes Pretty dope, isn't it? - It's a dope whip alright Drive carefully, mo-fucker .
- I'll drive careful, J Roc.
Take it easy.
Hop in, Julian Yeah, I took the washer thing, rerouted her in here, filled your washer tank up with rum.
- Bubbles, is this car stolen? - It's clean, mo-fucker, straight up.
One the pimpest mack in Sunnyvale, J to the R O C Jules, you know I got your back, boy.
Registration's in the glove box.
- If this is a stolen car, I don't want it.
I'm serious If I breach probation, I'm gonna get eight years.
Eight years, boys! They're not fucking around this time.
- Cracker, this mo-fucker is straight up from a U.
Customs auction in Maine.
- Just be straight-up with me.
Is it hot or not? - Just chill the fuck out an d take this dope whip for a ride - Oh, please, Julian.
Come on, hop in and take this baby out.
- Alright.
Alright, alright.
For fuck's sakes, Bubbles.
- I'm really craving Swiss Chalet takeout.
Come on, it'll be my treat .
- Alright, alright! - And then we're getting drunk .
- Okay, thank you.
Hey, Bubbles, man, I would like some chicken.
Get me a quarter-chicken dinner, extra gravy.
- For sure, quarter-chicke n dinner, fries, onion rings - Chicken-rib combo, extra roll.
- Boys, boys! Come off it.
It's distraction chicken I'm buying Julian.
- Oh, so now you got my whip , but I ain't got no chicken - Hi, Mrs.
- Hey, guys.
How was jail? - What are you guys doing here ? - Stay calm.
Trinity's here.
- It was just fine, Ricky.
Thanks for asking.
[Trinity]: Hi.
How was jail? - Listen, I'd love for you to stay and chat, but the real Trailer Park Supervisor is back.
Time for you to go.
- Oh, is that right? - Yeah.
- Jim, just stay calm.
Trin, can you go next store? Just for a sec.
Just borrow that, if you don't mind.
Look, Jim, I know this is going to be hard for you guys.
I know, I know what it's like.
This isn't your trailer, though, you gotta remember that.
This is the supervisor's trailer and since I'm the Trailer Park Supervisor now, that makes it my trailer.
So you guys are going to have to go.
I I'm sorry about this.
I know you just got out of jai and you're a little fucked u p right now, but - Ricky- - Let's go, guys.
- -we're going to see about this.
- Well, I don't know if you just didn't hear me or what I just said, but this is my home.
It's not yours.
This is my trailer.
- Ricky, this is our god-damned home.
I've been paying for this home for ten years.
- The park has been paying for this, Jim, not you.
- Listen, I am Sunnyvale, Ricky.
- You were Sunnyvale befor you went to jail.
Remember that? - Ricky, you're a fuck-up.
This is our home.
You got one hour to get out of here.
All your stuff, lock, stock and barrel.
- Look, I tried to be fucking nice, okay? I tried to be fucking nice .
Randy, get the fuck out! - Bug off, Ricky! Ricky! - I know what it's like to get out of jail and have nothing Been there, okay? And I've always believed, do unto others as you do unto you.
You've been reallocated to Lot 423.
I collect the lot fees the first of next month.
Take your shit, get the fuck out.
, - Ricky, first of next month , you're going to be in jail getting a postcard from me You might have my job now, Ricky, but I've got something you'll never have.
- Really, what's that, Lahey - My grade 11.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Bubbles.
Come on, pace yourself.
Small sips.
When did you start drinking so much? - Special occasions, I alway s pound the liquor into me.
Here, let's top her up.
- Here, man, I'm done.
- You didn't eat all your chicken.
- Here.
Thanks for the food, man.
Let's get back to the park - Julian, I got a song I've been working on.
Can you come to my shed and listen to it? I've been working on it like crazy.
- Alright, one song.
- Ricky, we did it.
We got the truck.
- Nice work with the truck, Dad.
Good job, buddy.
Thank you so much.
Listen, I got about ten gram of hash here.
It's awesome hash.
- Oh, shit.
Ah, fuck, man.
- Let's go, Dad.
Let's get you out of here before someone sees you.
Let's move it, boys! Lahey's out of jail too! We can't let Julian or Lahey see these plants! Just plant them and water them with the solution I gave you It's easy, okay.
- Dude, there's too many.
- Corey, shut up and hurry up.
Get these fucking plants out of the park.
Trevor, shirt, let's go.
Let's go.
- I guess this is home, Mr.
- Home.
- Bubbles, why'd you move your shed, man? - Come here, Julian.
- Why don't you live next to m e anymore? - Oh, we just moved here while you were in jail, you know Here, listen, I want to play you something You listen, now.
? Kitties are so nice? - Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles, that's not a new tune, man - No, well, I put a new part into her.
? Get them down spin them round? ? Tickle their bellies? - Bubbles, that's not a new song, man - Julian, hang on.
Oh, I gotta use it.
- Corey and Trevor, where in the fuck are you guys - Ricky, listen, it's me.
Corey, get the fuck over.
Listen, Ricky, I'm on my way with the first load.
Look, man, I'm a little nervou s about this.
People in wheelchairs on comp.
don't like to get caught.
- Dad, you're not in a wheelchair.
You're faking it - Ricky, not over the air.
Jesus Christ, buddy.
- Dad, chill out.
Just drop off the load, come back and pick up the other one.
And get it the fuck out of here.
You gotta move it here.
- I don't know if we're gonna do this in one load, man.
I think we're going to nee d an extra trip, man.
No way - You gotta fit it in one load .
I'm your son, you owe me.
We gotta get this shit out .
We're running out of time here - Well, well, well, what have we got here.
It looks like Corey and Trevor and Ray driving.
- Get over here, you little f No, no, no! Don't throw bottles at me.
Don't throw bottles at me ever , okay? Now listen up, I want you to hit Lot 423, hit it hard, okay? You guys know what flaming shitbags are? Good, throw some of those into the mix.
I got two big bags of chips.
I'll give you one now and one when you're done.
Move it out, boys.
He can stick his Grade 11 up his ass.
- Ahhh! Classic distraction scenario , Randy.
Ricky's up to something.
He's gonna pay for what he did to us.
- Mr.
Lahey, try to remember what the therapist said about blaming.
- Therapists don't know shit , Randy.
They cause more mental-healt h problems than they cure.
- Alright, boys, the coast is clear.
Get that fucking truck out of here now.
- Ah, dude, there's still dope in one of the trailers.
- What the fuck do you mean? Julian's here, boys.
Which trailer? Fuck! - What's up with the fucking gate, Ricky - Ah, listen, man, I didn't want to tell you but Ah, fuck, here comes Lahey .
I didn't want to tell you this , but I had to condemn this area of the park.
Huge mould problem, man.
Environmental, major meltdown.
Bugs, mould.
Your fault.
You left shit in your trailer.
- Bullshit, Ricky.
I'm going home to get drunk.
- What's going on here, Ricky? Smells like a lot of dope to me.
- It's none of your fuckin g ex-supervisor business, Lahey.
Now get this fucking car out of here.
I've got a truck full of mould that could kill people, Bubbles, could use some help here.
? Fucking Randy's gut? ? It's full? ? Of dirty old cheeseburgers - Bubbles, hold up for a second.
- Officer Green, Jim Lahey here.
Got a big problem in the park, bud.
Starts with Ricky, ends with jail.
- Lahey, get this fucking ca r out of here, please.
- Oh, you're not going to move your car? Fine, I'll move the fucking thing.
- Jesus, Ricky.
Ricky! For Christ's sakes, what are you doing? Hey! Randy [Bubbles cackling] - Let's go! Get the dope out of here! ? Corey and Trevor got away ? Corey and Trevor got away - Bubbles.
? Corey and Trevor got away - Rick, Rick.
Truck full of mould, eh? - Bubbles, there's still som e stuff in one of these trailers [police sirens] There's nothing going on here, Julian.
- That's not good, Ricky.
- Ah, fuck, the fucking cops Nothing happening here.
I think they called you over there somewhere and they just cleared out of here, I guess.
- Hello, Jim.
How was jail - I got through jail, George , waiting for this day.
I finally got them dead to rights.
- What have you got, Jim? - What I have George, is a wall! They built a wall and I guarantee you, they're growing dope back there! - That's bullshit.
That is bullshit.
There's nothing back here but a bunch of mould that could kill people.
- Jim, what are you doing? - George, think about it.
They built a wall.
You check the trailers behind that wall and we got 'em.
Trust me, George.
- Fuck him, George.
He's drunk Fuck him, take him away.
- Alright, Karen, open it up Ricky, I'm gonna take a look inside these trailers.
I'm sure you don't mind.
- George, wait.
Do you have a search warranty? - Well, I can certainly get one.
You don't have one, though , do you? - Make your point.
- My point is, I'm going to be a good guy .
I got nothing to hide here We've been getting along goo d when those idiots were in jail So why don't we just do this ? Pick one trailer - one, two or three - and search that.
That's me being fair, George You're fucking lucky to even be here.
You listen to a drunk idiot.
Bubbles, please.
[singing] - Pick number one.
- Pick two, George.
- Search that one over there , number three.
- Hey! I think we'll do number one with the foil here.
- Number one! - Ricky, stay right there.
Karen, keep them quiet.
Keep them out of my way.
- George, I just got out o f jail.
I haven't been home yet.
I've got no idea what's going on in there.
- Guess what, Jim.
Nothing! As always.
- See, Julian? Nothing in there but a pil e of old tin foil and some old electrical hookups.
- They're growing in there - You're wasting the fucking cops' time again, Lahey.
You happy about that? - Maybe somebody was growing dope in there, okay, but there's no actual dope in there, right now! - George, get a warrant and search the other trailers.
- Jim, listen to me.
Never again! Eighteen times in the past yea r you've called me out here and eighteen - Ricky, take a walk - and eighteen times, what has it been? Bullshit! That's what.
- George, what about stolen drug cars? Run the plates on that car and I'll guarantee you it comes back stolen.
They don't have money for that kind of shit, George.
Check it.
[police-radio static] - Oh, you're not buying this bullshit again? - Ricky.
Over there.
- He's wasting your fucking time.
- Over there.
Do it now.
- Bubbles, you're pissing on my car! - I know! - Dispatch, run plate Charlie Wilma Wilma 3-2-5.
- Roger.
Stand by.
- There's cops here, Bubbles .
Stop pissing in public.
- Plates are registered to a Mr.
Corey Trevor of Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
Plates are clean.
- You're going to go to the drunk tank.
- Ah, think for one fuckin g second, George.
- Ah, geez, not stolen?! - Are you really this fucking stupid? y - Let's talk about stupid, Jim .
I'm gonna put this in a wa that even someone like you can understand.
Remember the story of the little boy who cried wolf? In case you forgot, he was a little boy who cried for help because he said there was a wolf after him Each time the people of the village came running, and each time there was no wolf.
Eventually they got really tired of it.
So when he calls for help 'cause there's a real wolf after him, nobody takes him seriously Nobody comes, because nobody cares.
Do you see where I'm going with this, Jim - George, I know it looks like I'm off the mark.
- Listen, what we have here, Jim, is a shitwolf.
Do you know what a shitwolf is ? You never seem to have that crucial little thing called evidence.
But each time you cry shitwolf and each time I come running No more, Jim.
Never again.
Now I want you to tell me what the moral of the story is - George- - No.
Say it, Jim.
Say it! - Never cry shitwolf.
, - That's right.
Now get your sorry ass out of here or you're spending the night in the drunk tank.
- George, I gotta tell you a secret.
Come here.
"This is George Green! Fuck off!" - Julian, you get him under control, or you're both going to the drunk tank.
- George, I'm not doing anything wrong.
- Open liquor, Julian.
Don't push it.
Bubbles! - I'm just going to sing you a little tune.
- I don't want to hear another note out of you, or you know where you're going ! Not a note.
- If I was to ask you a question and you were to blink - you don't have to say anything , you just gotta blink, alright? That wouldn't be ratting him out.
Everybody's gotta blink, right ? - Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
Two blinks for yes , one blink for no.
Is Ricky growing dope again? - I did it two times there , if you didn't notice.