Trailer Park Boys s04e07 Episode Script

[making turntable-scratching sounds.]
- Anyone see you, mo-fuckers ? - Coast is clear.
- Come on in, mo-fuckers.
Gimme that, I'm starving.
- Straight up, man.
Listen.
My man Scamp, he got the ends on the whole Snoop tour, baby.
The whole tour, coast to coast , nation wide, city to city.
He's gonna have the dope to drop at every show and we is gonna collect top-dollar commission, homie - How many points? - Ten piece each.
- Ten fucking piece each! That's twenty-grand, mother fuckers! - I'm telling you, man.
- Bam! - Lose that bam shit.
That shit is wacked, man.
Don't ever say that again.
- A'ight, T.
- Fuck, yo, J, on the real , this time, there can't be no mistakes The truck is gonna be here Thursday morning, alright? We're gonna load up the cheeba and we're gonna go straight to Moncton for the first show and throw it down, baby.
- This shit's gonna drop.
- We got a serious deal lined up with DVD, T and J-Roc.
They know a guy that knows a guy that knows a promoter for the Snoop Dog show in Moncton.
The guy's gonna buy pay for it up front, which is fucking awesome.
Trevor, let's go.
Chips.
So basically, we need a big ri g to haul the dope up to Moncton Problem is, these two fuck-ups steal a propane truck.
So now we gotta empty out all the propane, then we'll jam the weed in the tank and drive it up there, so it's gonna work out.
Trevor, more chips, let's go Basically, peach and cake.
But it just pisses me off that these two are always fucking up.
Anyway gonna be rich.
- Everybody still thinks I'm living in jail, though, right? - The streets is talking.
You're good.
- It's all good, man.
- Nobody knows I'm living under my mom's trailer? 'Cause that'd be wacked, T .
- I know, man.
Come on now - If I don't go out hard.
.
.
- Your fate's in our hand, man - The plan's working to perfection.
- And my record's gonna drop .
We're going to the top.
[music.]
- Alright, boys, let's do this .
It's gonna be easy.
You know why? 'Cause Lahey and Randy are stupid as fuck.
- What are we gonna do? - Get over here, Corey.
Did you guys put the costume s out with Lahey's garbage? - We laid them out so they could see them.
What now? - Just get in the truck, boys.
[music.]
- It's some kind of fuckin distraction for those shitnicks! - Brake burn, Ricky.
- Shit! Get the fuck- - Hang on, hang on.
There's a stick here.
- Barbara, how you doing? Uh, Randy, why don't you g o and get our uniforms from the car, please.
Welcome.
Have a seat.
I'll pour you a little, uh , a little stiffener.
- Jim, whatever happened to the way things used to be - Yeah.
[indistinct.]
- Yeah, well, I have to sell the park, Jim Think about that.
- Yeah, Barb, I've been thinking about nothing else.
I think it's a bad decision.
- Yeah.
You know, I miss the simpler days.
Before the drinking, before Randy.
- Yeah, when we used to go camping together in this old thing.
, - Yeah, I've come to terms with your life and I accept it but I just want us to be able to move on.
- Move on? - Yeah, you know I'm You wouldn't have my old engagement ring around, would you? - Who's getting engaged? - Ah, Randy, thanks.
Uh, just wait outside for a sec, bud, will you? I'll be right out there.
Randy.
- Whatever, Mr.
Lahey.
- I don't know what it is, but I just got a bad feeling s something's gonna happen today .
There's just so much stres with the dope and the Snoopy Dogg thing e and I got Barb wanting to spend time with m and then there's always fuckin g Lahey, the nightmare.
And now my dad's fucking me around.
He won't drive rig for us.
He's all afraid that now he's in this wheelchair, fucking over the government, he's gonna get caught and things aren't legal.
Just pisses me off.
In the good old days, he'd drive rig no problem.
But then he fucked it all up - I got a frigging muscle spas m in my back, you know.
Gear slipped.
Air brakes were shot to hell.
I mean, there's nothing I could do Boom, right into the post office - He mention he was wasted out of his goddamned mind? - Some guys can drink and drive, some guys can't.
What is drunk? Is drunk going all over the road? Hey, Flipper, come on now, settle down there, buddy.
- He was fucking hammered, , but the problem is that me and Julian can't drive 'cause if we get pulled over , we're fucked.
So the only person who can drive is Bubbles.
He's basically the only clea n license we can pull together Now I just gotta find some clean plates.
- Ah, man, these are my priz e possessions, these plates.
These things took me from Tuscany, Arizona to Kentville, Nova Scotia, man Fucking getting them bronzed .
- The way I see it, it's not a big deal.
I'm gonna steal the plates from the old man.
I'll give him $16-1800 after the Snoop Dogg deal, and no big deal.
- You dirty cocksucker.
Grrr Alright, boys, Ray's plates are on.
- Good job, buddy.
- Boys, I can't wait to drive this fucking rig.
I love rigs.
- Looking good, boys.
Now all we gotta do is registe r those plates and they're legal - Nice.
- It's actually a pretty goo d idea this time, I think, boys.
- Hi there, boys.
Ricky, there's your lunch.
Julian, can I have a quick wor d with you, please? - Fucking awesome, look at that.
- Is that cigarettes? y - Just want to make sure there's gonna be enough mone to take care of Ricky's little accounting errors and still be able to buy the park.
- Oh, yeah.
- Good.
I'd like to adjust our agreement a bit.
- What do you mean, adjust We have an agreement here, Barb.
- Ah, fucking pepperoni.
Peanut butter.
- I'd fucking love to have one of those.
- Want it? - I can have that? - Don't tell Barb, alright - I think that it's only fai r that I should be able to keep my trailer and liv e in it rent free afterwards - Come on.
- Come on.
That's fair.
- Alright, I might be able to do that, alright? - Good, good.
- Maybe.
- Thank you very much.
And I'd just like you to kno w there's gonna be a little announcement made in the not-too-distant futur e and I do hope that you are gonna be supportive of it, Julian.
- What are you talking about - Ricky, I'm off to the liquor store, can I get you something - Yeah, just get me a forty of anything and some of those grapefruit vodka coolers.
Those are fucking awesome.
- Okay, see you later.
- Thanks for the cigarettes.
- Oh, no problem, see ya later, hon.
- Look at that.
Barb wrapped up cigarettes for him in the Saran Wrap.
Julian, there's a lot more going on than Barb just giving him lunches.
I think they're doing dirty things - Let's forget about that fucked-up topic for now - Fuck! - Listen, man, a buddy of mine set up a rig-driving exam at the D.
W.
Truck Driving School for you, man.
- Awesome.
- Now you're sure you want to drive to Moncton? - No, I don't want to driv e to Moncton.
Of course, I want to fucking drive to Moncton.
I'd drive that thing anywhere.
- Well here's the eye char t they use.
Make sure you study it.
- I'm not studying that, I don't need it.
My eyes work fine - Oh, they work fine.
How many fingers, buddy? - Ricky, you know I don't like that game.
Stop teasing me, boys.
I'm gonna get my rig license I'm gonna be just like tha t BJ and the Bear cocksucker Except I'm gonna have kittie s in my truck instead of a dirty-ass, stinky little monkey.
- So let me get this straight.
You want to break up with me so that you can marry Barb to benefit us.
Can you explain that to me , Mr.
Lahey? - It's a question of security, Randy.
- Have you lost your mind? - No, Randy, I haven't.
, I'm considering the benefits , but the way Barb is acting I think she's come to grip with mine and your relationship.
We can still see each other, Randy, on the side.
Just like old times.
- Mr.
Lahey, I'm not the type of guy you see on the side anymore.
If you marry Barb, I will very seriously rethink our relationship.
"James.
" - Did you fucking see that , Ricky? - Awesome, buddy.
- Did you see that? I put on a truck-driving clinic today [sighing with pleasure.]
Thank you very much.
What'd you think? How did I do - Not good.
- What? - I don't know how you passe d your eye test, son, but you can't see jack shit.
Jack shit! - I can see that you're bein g a bit of an arsehole right now Give me my rig license.
- Yeah, you're putting us in a pretty shitty situation here Give me back that piece of hash, then.
This is fucked.
- Can't give you back the dope , I can't give him a license It's just not safe.
- Why? - He can't see.
How many fingers, son? - Oh - He can't see jack shit! - All of them.
- How many fingers, son? - Double, Rand.
- Glasses are in the cupboard.
rye's in the freezer, we're out of ice.
- Randy, I know what I'm doing , boy.
- No, I don't think you do, sir.
- Randy, we're not really breaking up.
I already explained that to you.
- Whatever.
- Randy just doesn't understand.
I mean, I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more.
I just don't want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life.
You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint and then he turned into a shit-bonfire.
And then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-fire storm.
If I get to be married to Barb , I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash a shit-nami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit flames forever.
And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave.
Shit waves.
- Listen, eyes, I asked you nicely to just work once good for me.
And what do you do? You fuck me over again.
Little bastards.
Fuck.
- Bubbles, come on, get over it, alright? It's not a big deal I've seen you driving the rig, you were fucking incredible.
You remind me of the old man We're gonna get you a fake license and what Julian doesn't grow won't burn him.
Make that monkey noise again , buddy.
- I don't wanna- - Bubs, Buds, did you get it - Man, he passed with flying fucking carpets.
It was awesome.
- Congratulations, buddy.
Check that out, boys.
Registration for the truck One-hundred-percent legal.
- No way.
Awesome.
- No fuck-ups, boys.
Nothing can go wrong this time - No there's definitely no fuck-ups, buddy.
- I'm proud of you guys.
- Here, Bubbles, you got your license, man.
You hold on to that, alright - Yeah - Hi, Jim.
Jim, what the hell are you doing? - Babs, hear me out.
I know things have been awkwar d between us lately, e and I admit I've been goin g through an experimental stag with Randy and liquor and drug s and drinking and driving, but what I really want is you.
Us.
Me and you and Trina.
Barbara Lahey, will you marry me again? - Jim, what are you doing? You're drunk, aren't you? - I-I-I th-thought this was what you wanted.
You told me to bring the ring over.
You said you wanted us to move forward.
- Oh, Jesus.
Move forward separately, Jim Look, you, um, you better mix a drink or get the one you left outside, okay, because I'm marrying Ricky And I'm selling the trailer park to Julian.
And this is two-weeks notice for you and Randy.
You are no longer an employee of Sunnyvale.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Jim, I'll pay you and Rand y for two weeks, okay? But I need you to take this seriously.
I need you out of the traile r park.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Alright, boys.
Time for the final test.
- Ricky! My god.
Here, get up.
- Oh Omigod, boys.
- How was it? - Hoo Boys heh-heh-heh that is hands-down the best dope I have ever fucking smoked - Yes! Alright, tomorrow we harvest, boys.
We're gonna have to get Core y and Trevor out here to give us a hand.
- You guys want some of this shit? - Fuck that, Ricky.
If it knocked you on your ass, it'll tear my head right off .
- Holy fuck, boys.
I'm still baked from the test joint this morning.
Hold him up! - Hey, Randy.
Randy.
Guess what happened.
We got fired.
But it's okay, man.
Because tonight, I'm gonna put on that nice little dress you like so much and we're gonna get drunk together, okay? - Fuck you, Mr.
Lahey.
You fucked up.
- Randy.
Hey, Randy.
Randy Randy! - Dad, just calm the fuck down I need your driver's license for ten minutes, just to make a photocopy for the family scrapbook.
It's not a big deal.
Yeah, jus t want to make a photocopy of it Alright, thanks, Dad.
See ya - Ricky, honey, we've got to talk.
- Okay.
- Ricky, I can't tell you what you've done for me.
And I want to settle down.
I want to start a family again - Holy fuck, I love licorice - Me too.
Me too.
So what I'm asking is, will you marry me? - Hold on a minute here, Barbara.
Did you just ask me if I wante d to get married by you? - Yeah.
- Wow.
I mean, I'm flattered that you'd ask me stuff.
I mean, it's been great banging and hanging out.
But, Barb, there's stuff about me that you don't know or you wouldn't understand .
I'm fucked.
- No you're not.
You're not fucked.
Listen, you can grow your dope and get drunk and listen to Helix and play video games and not clean up as much as you want.
- That's cool with you? - Yeah.
So what do you say - Fuck! - There you go.
- Okay, this one's got a leak.
Charge them an extra five, Bubs.
- Alright.
Your tank's fucked.
You need some extra money.
Holy fuck, Ricky's moving at a good clip.
Ricky, slow down.
Slow.
Hit the brakes! [honking.]
- Fuck! - Ricky, what are you doing? We got propane over here! - Holy fuck, Ricky! You come in like Seabiscuit, you don't even bother with your brakes anymore?! - I don't know what the fuck happened.
Oh, fuck.
- God.
You're fucking crazy.
- Somebody cut my fucking brake lines! - No, you're stoned and you're paranoid.
Ease off on the six-paper joints, Rick.
- Hang on now.
Let's butt that out and save it for later - Nice driving, Ricky.
We just popped in to let you know Corey and Trevor are officially mine now.
- Sarah, I am so sick of your bullshit, okay.
e I own Corey and Trevor, Corey and Trevor belong to m and that's never gonna change.
Never.
- Corey? - Spit it out, shitsnap, what's the big fucking news? m - Okay, well, we heard tha t Lahey asked Barb to marry hi and she said no.
And then we heard that Bar b asked Rick to marry her.
- We heard you said yes, Ricky Everybody in the park is talking about it.
- So me and Corey asked Sarah to marry us and we're getting married, dude.
- Hands down, let's go.
- What? - Congratulations, Ricky.
- What the fuck are you marrying Corey and Trevor for? - What in the fuck are you doing? Are you getting married - That was a fucking unexpecte d announcement, Ricky.
- No shit.
How's she gonna marry both of them? That's fucked! - Not that.
You getting married.
- Ricky, what are you doing? - You're not really marrying Lahey's ex-wife are you? - I dunno.
I think so.
I dunno.
Fuck, I dunno! - Ricky, what do you mean, you think so? - Look, Julian, I was bake d out of my fucking mind.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not every day someone asks you to fucking get married.
It's pretty fucking cool.
- Listen to me, Rick.
We're about to sell a huge amount of dope here and get rich, okay? What if you marry her and it doesn't work out, huh - Marry somebody else? - No, I'll tell you what's gonna happen.
She can take half your shit.
She can take half your car , half the trailer park, half your video games, she can even take half your cigarettes, Ricky.
That's not gonna happen, man 'cause most of that shit's ours.
- Not just that, Ricky.
Bu t you're supposed to get married to somebody that you think is special, not just somebody that fucking fires a lunch together for you and you go and get your freak on with Do you even love her? - Probably.
- "Probably.
" - Ricky, Lahey will hunt you down, okay? e Go talk to Barb, tell her yo u were too stoned at the tim and you need to think about it , - Yes, marriage is a big deal and everything but I don't think it's as big of a deal if you're not the one proposaling it, because you're not the one that thought of it in the first place and asked the other person to do it.
So I got to talk to her.
What the fuck? r What kind of an idiot leaves a fresh pack of smokes, a lighte and a big fucking piece of pepperoni? Right on.
What the fuck? What the fuck?! Who's fucking with me?! I'm still taking your fucking smokes! - Lahey.
Two tanks, eh? Randy must be going throug h a fuck of a lot of propane eating all those cheeseburgers .
- Fill her up, Bubbles.
- What do you want, Lahey? - I just want a little propane Just like everybody else.
- These are already full.
- Yeah, right, so you can call the cops.
I'm not an idiot, Jim.
- Listen, Julian, I don't give a fuck what you do anymore I just want a little propane , propane.
To start the flame.
Ricky ruined my fucking life , Julian, so I just want ? a little propane propane ? Propane propane? ? It's time to start the game - Jim, Jim, Jim, listen, I heard what happened with Barb today.
Keep it together.
You're starting to lose it, buddy Hey, maybe we can work something out once I buy the trailer park, Jim, huh? - Don't fuck with me, Julian ? Propane propane? ? Time to start the game ? - Mr.
Lahey- ? Propane propane? - Lahey, you're peeing yourself! Here you go, Jim.
? Propane propane? There you go.
- Thanks, Bubbles.
? Propane propane Propane propane? ? Propane propane Propane propane? Julian, what in the fuck was he on - I dunno, man, he's fucked.
- I've never seen him that fucking crazy.
He pissed himself and he didn't even notice.
- Alright, alright.
Forget about that.
Listen, we're out of propane .
Let's get rid of that truck.
r Go put it by Barb's place.
I'll hook up with you late at your shed.
? Propane propane? - Took the truck back, Julian.
- Nice work, buddy.
- Hey, Lucy.
- When did you learn how to drive a rig? - I've been fucking driving rigs all my life.
- Huh.
Where the fuck is Ricky and what is this bullshit about him marrying Barbara ? That selfish son-of-a-bitch.
- I haven't seen him all day , Luce.
- Oh, that's weird.
Another police helicopter, huh I wonder what they're lookin g for.
See you boys in jail.
Bye - Julian, what the fuck do you think they're looking for? The dope fields, aren't they - Probably just training, buddy.
- Yeah, training to throw us in jail.
Get going, you son-of-a-whore! - Me and the old man made this .
An electric turkey deep-fryer.
There's nothing better than deep-fried turkey.
Just plug her in and adjust the temperature with this thing right here What the fuck?! Fuck! Who's fucking with me? Think this is fucking funny? You fucking idiots.
- Oh, now, Ricky, that was a perfectly good turkey.
Now come on.
Let's go get it We'll put it on the barbeque .
It's fine.
- Barb, somebody's fucking trying to kill me.
- Ricky, come on.
- Careful, it's wet there.
- Oh [radio playing music.]
d [radio.]
: Coming up, police have found and destroye three huge fields full of - Julian! - near the Halifax airport Details at the top of the hour .
Now back to - Julian that's our dope fields they're talking about on the fucking news! [hyperventilating.]
- Alright, alright, alright.
Calm down.
Calm down.
Bubbles, calm down! Listen, they only mentione d the ones by the airport.
They didn't mention the on e by Highway 5.
- Well, they're gonna find it, though.
Eventually.
We're gonna have to harvest it, like, tonight We gotta get Ricky.
[Ricky.]
: One hot bubble bath , ready for action.
- Hmm.
Did you leave the propane on in the barbeque? - No, I don't think so.
Why? - I think I smell propane.
I'm just gonna go double-check Get in the tub.
I'll be right there.
- Okay, have you seen my smokes? - Ricky, they are in the littl e cabinet beside the bed marked "dope" where they should be.
- Cool.
- Barb! Where's Ricky? - What's the matter, Julian? He's in the trailer.
- Let's go get him.
- What's the- - Holy fuck, look at the size of that firefly.
He's actually on fire, I think .
Decent.
- That was Lahey.
What the fuck's he doing? - Come on.
[screaming.]
- Ricky! [Barb.]
: Ricky! [Lahey.]
: What in the fuck?