Trailer Park Boys s05e09 Episode Script

I Am the Liquor

(dog barking) (thump) (Ricky): When I woke up this morning, I felt like shit I was so fucking hung over My arm was numb, I could hardly breathe.
Then I remember, Holy fuck , my whole family's in jail.
I gotta go get them out.
Holy fuck.
Julian, I need to borrow your car.
I gotta go get Trin, deal with Lucy, get my dad out of jail I need your keys.
- You can't use my car.
What are you taking your tent down for? What do you mean, I can't use your car? - You're not insured.
- Julian starts feeding me this bullshit, "I don't have assurance.
" Like, I don't have assurance He stole the fucking car fro m Cyrus and his buddies anyways.
It's ridiculous.
- Listen, Rick, you deal wit h Trinity, I'll deal with Ray.
But you're not using my fucking car.
- Fine, Julian.
Your car's stupid anyway.
So I said fuck him.
Basically, I'm just gonna jog to the jail and pick up Trin.
And then I started jogging and my heart's killing me and my arm's fucked.
Luckily I ran into Bubbles - Ricky stopped me and just commandeered the cart Took it right from me.
So I gave it to him.
I wouldn't have normally, but it was for Trinity.
'Cause she got picked up, as you guys know, driving the car with open liquor in there.
I told him to be careful and the fucking first thing he does, he runs her into the mud.
Sitting there just gunning it, spinning the fucking tires , burning the engine out of it The thing's probably fucke d at this point.
No brake burns, Ricky! No donuts! Fuck, he's gonna wreck it.
(music) - What happened to your go-cart, Bubs? - Ricky commandeered the fucking thing on me.
How come you're taking your tent down, Julian? - I'm getting my trailer bac k today, buddy.
I'm not living in this fucking tent ever again.
So I'm gonna need some help today, bud.
- Oh, Julian, I was just getting my cart business going again - We gotta get that car out of impound, man.
We gotta do something about this driveway, 'cause Lahey's off the fucking rails.
- I was hoping to just work on carts today.
Now Julian's got me doing illegal stuff, getting the car back out of the impound, 'cause the money and the has his in there.
He wants me to go see Ray, tell him we're not getting him out of jail, which is gonna be fucking real fun time for me, telling him Ray's gonna lose it.
Then I asked him, Who's gonna guard the driveway And he just does this whistle.
(whistling) Fucking Corey and Trevor com running like he's calling a dog.
It's kind of funny when you think about it.
He just whistles and gives them treats like dogs, but it's kind of sad, really - One for you (bottles rattling) and one for me.
- Back from Jumbo, Mr.
Lahey Got the video game.
What do you need it for anyway - That video game is the key to shitty city, Randy.
And Julian is a muscular man I need you to do something for me, bud.
I need you to go get Corey and Trevor and bring them here I know they're somewhere in the park.
- What do you need Corey and Trevor for, Mr.
Lahey? - I need their help, bud.
- They're never gonna help us, Mr.
- Au contraire, Randy, au contraire.
You'd be surprised how muc h those two are gonna help us.
I learned a very valuable lesson lately, Randy.
You can't change people.
So instead of working against all the horseshit that goes on in this park, I'm gonna encourage it.
And then I'm gonna let those little shitty-shit board members and their sexy mayor Julia n destroy themselves.
Destroy themselves, Randy.
Destroy themselves.
- Is that all you need me to do, Mr.
Lahey? What'll it be? - You're disappointed in me, aren't you, Randy? - No, Mr.
- Chocolate liqueur.
Let the games begin.
Hello, Ricky! - Can you guys give me a han d with this fucking thing? It belongs to my buddy.
I just don't wanna leave i t on the street here.
Thanks, appreciate it.
You guys wanna smoke a joint - Ah! - I'm getting my daughter back from Emergency Child Protection Services.
I'm all stressed out.
Come on, let's get stoned.
Fuck you, then.
I gotta deal with a buncha government dicks You guys work for the government, too? Fucking idiots.
- Julian, should we be doing this right in the fucking middl e of broad daylight? - We're gonna be okay.
- What if there's dogs in there? - Just look for the fucking gate.
- There's a fucking gate right there.
- Is that the right one? - There's people in there, moving around.
(grunting) - There it is, Bubs.
- That is it.
Julian, yard workers! - Stay down.
- Did they see us? - No.
- The keys are in it, Julian .
- Pop the trunk.
Fuck, it's all here, man.
- Oh, thank God.
Julian, you got burdocks all over your fucking back - Get them off me.
Fuck, you're covered in them, man.
- What? - Stand still.
Stand still - Get 'em off me, get em off ! - Shhh! - I hate the fucking things! - Meet me back in the park , alright? - We were watching the driveway, which is what we were supposed to be doing.
Making sure nobody fucked with it or stole or damaged it We were doing a good job.
Randy came along and - - Corey! Trevor! , - Said he had a new video game wanted us to help him set it up and play.
- What do you want, Randy? - Here, have a drink.
Get Bubbles to help us hook it up, man.
We're too drunk.
Bubbles! - No, man, Bubbles isn't home.
We know all that stuff, man.
We can help you hook it up when Julian comes back.
What kind of system you got? - We got this one, this game's wicked.
It's got four controllers that go into it and we got like seven games.
- You guys have multiplayer? - No way.
- Yeah, it's awesome, boys Come on, let's go do it.
- No, we can't go.
We're staying right here, dude .
- That's too bad, guys.
You know, I'm gonna go get someone else, then, fellas You know, I wanna play.
Lahey's excited about this - Randy, can we come over an d play once Julian gets home - Well, I'm gonna go get someone else, guys, okay? - We'll be right over.
- Dude, we can't go over there - Come on, let's just go pla y for 20 minutes, Corey.
- No.
Julian said we have to watch the driveway.
We Keep an eye on Lahey , play video games and get drunk all at the same time.
Thank you very much, dude.
- Always be thinking.
- Randy! - I just wanna say that just because Lucy spent the night in the drunk tank doesn't mean she's a bad mother.
I mean, everybody spends night s in the drunk tank.
I've been there about 10 times .
I'm sure you all have.
It's not a big deal.
It happens once in a while , The problem was she lives with this girl named Sarah who smokes a ton of weed, and that's what happened.
When Lucy gets drunk, she's fine.
If she gets drunk, smokes a joint of hash, she's fine.
, She gets drunk and smokes a joint of weed she's a different person.
And that's why she ended u p in the drunk tank, 'cause of Sarah and her little weed joints , And as for the open liquor I mean, I live in my car.
My car is my home.
So that shouldn't have bee n open liquor anyway.
I mean, you guys must have liquor around your house.
I'm sure you got liquor at your home.
Cops pull you over in your house, how's that open liquor? Anyway the big thing is - I just dropped my smoke there I'm gonna have a lot of mone y coming to me in the next couple of days , which I'm not gonna tell you how I'm making it, but it's gonna be a lot of money.
I'm gonna bail my dad outta jail and I'm gonna buy a trailer.
And he'll be living there, I'll be living there, Lucy'll be living there.
So there'll be lots of peopl e watching over Trinity.
If we just release her, send her back to her mom.
Her mom is great, good mother.
And that'll be fine.
I'll look after her once in a while when she is drinking, but other than that, she'll be always watching her.
And my dad can watch her when he's not drunk.
But tonight I'm getting drunk, 'cause it's my turn.
She got drunk yesterday and this is my day.
I'm not gonna drink before I get her home.
I'm gonna take her home, give her to Lucy, Lucy'll be watching her, then I'll have some drinks.
So yeah, I think we're done here and I'll pick up my daughter and take her home to Lucy, get drunk.
Hey, boys.
Some ice cream for ya.
- Oh, nice.
Thanks, dude.
- Caramel sauce and everything It was awful nice of you boy s to come over.
Nice when friends help each other.
(knocking) - It's Julian.
If he find out we're here, we're in shit, Mr.
- Shhh! Julian, be right there, bud.
- Don't tell him we're here, Mr.
- Julian! , Don't know where a fellow ca n get a little drink around here do you, bud? - Jim, I got 7,500 bucks for ya.
You'll get the other five grand tomorrow.
- Wow.
That's a lot of money, Julian.
You must be doing quite well for yourself.
You got a new car, lots of cash, you're a big strong man with a good head on your shoulders.
What kind of shampoo do you use? Have to ask.
- Jim, look.
Look! Is the trailer mine or what? - You got yourself a deal.
Oh, one thing, though.
I need to have the rest of the money by the end of the day, or there's no deal.
There's a lot of interest in the mobile, Julian.
If someone should come by tomorrow with the full purchase price , I'd have to accept, wouldn't I It's really impressive, though, boy.
I guess I should be proud of you.
- Take the fucking sign off the lawn.
Alright? - Julian, sign comes down when I receive the rest of the cash by the end of the day.
(bottle smashing) (crashing sound) - Oh! - Hey, guys Time Jesus.
- Let's go, boys.
Thanks, fellas.
They're gone, Mr.
- Thank you, Randy.
Got a few strings to pull, boy .
Look, no calling the cops till all the shit puppets are onstage.
Just need a little bit more information, Randy.
A little bit more information.
- Can I finish my ice cream, Mr.
Lahey? - Gee.
Trevor, come on in.
Finish your ice cream.
We'll have a little talk.
Randy and I are pulling for you, Trevor.
- What do you mean? - Well, we know what kind of trouble you're in - I'm not in trouble.
- Big trouble in the park.
Big secret.
- What are you talking about , Mr.
Lahey? - Look, Trev, I'm on a fishing expedition.
Give me a hand, will ya? - You know about the hash driveway? - Holy shit! Hash driveway - We know about the hash driveway, Randy.
- Yeah, we knew about that - Over at, uh, Ray's trailer - Corey! Trev! (kissing noises) Corey! Trevor! Corey! You guys wanna go in the car What's wrong, Bubs? - Oh, nothing, Julian.
- You go see Ray? - Yeah, I went and saw Ray He's freaking out in there .
He's calling Ricky.
Ricky's gonna know you didn't bail him out.
He got beat up in there, too .
- What?! By who? - Take a fucking guess.
Cyrus! - Cyrus? - Yeah, Cyrus.
What did he tell me to tell you? I can't remember.
Oh, yeah, he's gonna kill us when he gets out of jail.
Dennis and fucking Terry know that you took the car They know about the hash.
- What were they saying? - They were pissed! We're fucked! We're gonna get killed! - Bubs, Bubs, Bubs.
They're gonna be in jail for two or three more years.
Fuck those guys.
- Great! So I'm dead in two years, then.
, Well, I came back from fucking delivering the news to Ray I get here and we call Corey and Trevor up.
(whistling) I don't know the details at this point.
They're sketchy - Where the hell were you guys at? I told you to stay by the driveway.
- We were watching the driveway, then we went over to Lahey's to play some video games.
- Lahey's?! What were you guys talking about with Lahey? Did he ask any questions? - Corey told him about the hash driveway.
- You WHAT?! - No, I didn't.
- Oh, my fuck! - You told me you said that.
- You're suspended for one month.
Both of yous.
Get the fuck outta here.
Get outta here.
- C'mon, Julian.
- Get outta here.
- Can we still hang out? - That's two months! - Why? - Three months! Get the fuck outta here.
- Somehow Lahey was able to fucking trick them into telling him everythin g about the fucking driveway and the hash and the car, that it was stolen.
He knows everything, so, I mean, obviously he's fucking plottin g against us.
- Randy, what do we usually do in this situation? - I dunno.
We call the cops, Mr.
- And then what happens, Randy ? - Oh, then they come and they arrest the boys and they go into jail for a few months.
- For a few months, right.
We need to eliminate them permanently, Randy.
- How do we do that? - Who owns the hash in the driveway? - Well, Cyrus and his gang - Exactly.
Randy, I got $100 here for groceries.
I got $1,400 here for liquor and I got $6,000 for you to go and bail out a couple of shit puppets.
We may need a few more shit puppets for our play, and they gotta be angry shit puppets.
And you gotta make 'em angry .
You say whatever it takes to get them angry, but they're not angry at us.
Shit puppets are supposed to be angry at other shit puppets.
Take the bus.
- Listen, Mr.
Lahey, they could kill one another.
- Wouldn't that be nice? - Yeah, but we can't be involved with murder.
- Exactly, Randy.
- Mr.
Lahey, is this you talking, or the liquor? - Randy I am the liquor.
- Lucy, you home? Lucy! - Oh, God, Trin.
How are you C'mere.
Are you okay? Oh! Did you sleep okay? - Mm-hmm.
- Did they feed you? - No.
- They didn't feed you? - Uh-uh.
- Omigod.
Okay, I've got some fish sticks and I've got some fries in the oven ready for you.
Go flip the fries, they get soggy.
- Lucy, before you freak out , I was just wondering, do you have any extra fish sticks and stuff? Do you have lots? - Fuck.
, - Look, I'm trying here.
Like, I saved a bunch of money I bought a couple of bikes for Trin so she doesn't have to run around in the car anymore, which was never my idea in the first place.
It was Julian or Corey and Trevor, somebody, that thought of it.
Anyway , I talked to her about it, she's not gonna drive anymore.
She's got her bike now.
And she's not gonna throw bottles in the daytime If she does, it'll just be at night so no one will see her, so things are gonna be goo d now.
She's not smoking.
Everything's cool.
I'm trying here.
We worked it all out, so everything's cool now.
Me and Lucy are back on trac k and, you know, I think we're gonna be a happy family again.
- Oh, listen, before I forget, um, Ray called.
He's totally pissed.
- He's drunk? - No, he's not drunk.
- Then she told me about Julia n screwing me over with money.
He's supposed to, you know , bail my dad out today with all the money we made .
Instead he goes and spends it on his trailer , giving it to Lahey? , That's fucked.
Lahey's just gonna take that money go to the liquor store, blow all of it on liquor.
Gonna be twice as drunk, twice as crazy.
Rocking around here out of his goddamn mind, trying to throw us in jail .
Real smart, Julian.
Take my dad's bail money and giving it to Lahey.
Great! Well, it's just that - - Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick! Thank fuck we found you, man ! Lahey found out about the hash , - That sucks.
Just give us a minute here if you don't mind.
I - - C'mon, man, we gotta go! - Yeah, that's a drag Julian .
Question for ya, buddy.
d You wouldn't know anything about somebody telling my da he's gonna be in jail for like 20 weeks would you? Money got spend on something like maybe the trailer, is that what it was? - Rick, Rick, Rick, I'll explain all that later.
C'mon, c'mon.
We gotta do something with the rest of the hash.
- The difference between me and you is I give a fuck about famil y and you don't.
And you just fucked me over.
That's my dad, Julian.
You're gonna keep him in jai I so you can get a trailer? s Wouldn't lend me your car 'cause your little fancy rim and all that crap? Fuck you, Julian.
I am done.
I don't give a fuck about you or the hash.
It's over.
- Ricky.
- Sorry, Bubs.
- Man, go talk to him.
- Why do I gotta do it? - What? - Ricky, look, I know you're pissed off and everything - Yeah, big-time.
h - Well, do you think I wante d to get involved with the has the way I am? Like, if you leave, I'm fucking second in command.
I don't wanna be that guy.
- Bubs, I'm sorry.
Like, I know it sucks for you.
I'm sorry you got involved in the first place.
But tell him to get his precious little Corey and Trevor, they can help you out.
- He suspended them.
I got your car.
- I'll come and get it.
I gotta go eat.
- Hey, Julian! You don't kno w where a fellow could score a little hunk of hash, do you? - You know what? Let's cut the bullshit here.
You know, go ahead, call the cops.
I encourage it.
They're just gonna think you're a drunk fucking lunatic anyway.
- Julian, I did something an awful lot worse than calling the cops.
Have a nice day, gentlemen - What the fuck does that mean - Back up off me! - It's your fault! - Stop getting all hard with me, Corey! - Leave me alone.
- What the hell are you guys doing? Listen up, boys.
I'm serious, Trevor, that's enough.
Stay there and you stay there.
Heard you guys got fired or suspended or some shit by Julian.
- Yeah, we got suspended 'cause he fucked up! - That's enough, Trevor.
I'm fucking serious.
- I'm sorry, but you fucking got tricked.
- It's over.
So you guys aren't working for anybody now? - We've been talking to Dean down at the store and he might have some stuff , but I don't think we're gonna work for him.
We're not that busy.
- Well, I'm looking for a couple of guys, alright? Basically gonna do what I say, gonna shut the fuck up and not think for themselves .
- We'll do it.
- Yeah, that's dope! - What I wanna know is, why should I give you another chance, boys? d After you fucked me over with some stupid peace bon and you guys were working with Julian, ignoring me.
And, Trevor, you've been actin g pretty hard on me lately.
Why should I give you another chance, boys? (sentimental piano music) - Ricky, you know we've always admired you.
k Growing up, you were the coolest kid in the par and everyone wanted to be like you and you had the coolest clothes an d the best toys and everything Love you, Ricky.
- Yeah, man.
We love you, dude - Boys, me and Julian are done .
It's fucking over between us And the way I see it, one thir of that hash down there is mine.
, We're gonna get it back.
I may have to fight Julian maybe even Bubbles.
You guys in? - We got your back.
- I'm there, dude.
- Come on, Julian.
I don't like this.
- You're doing good, Bubs.
Stay focused, man.
Just stay focused.
- Let's go, Julian, out of the way.
- Ah, fuck, Ricky.
What the fuck are you doing? - One third of this hash's mine.
I'm fucking taking it.
- What? - Boys.
Actually, we're gonn a take this right here.
Grab this and put it in my car .
- Ricky! - Do you realize what the fuck's going on here?! Huh?! - Yeah, I do, Julian.
You're being a selfish prick You fucked my dad! - What? - Yeah, you fucked him good.
- Ricky.
- I'm taking this hash and we are fucking done.
- Corey, Trevor, let go of the cart! - You work for me now, boys.
He fired you.
- I suspended them, Ricky! - Suspended them, fuck that.
- Boys, you're back to work! Let go of the fucking cart - Ricky, Julian.
How come everybody's bolting out of the fucking park? - I dunno.
Liquor store doesn't close till 10 o'clock.
- Oh, this doesn't fucking look good.
Something doesn't feel right .
Oh, fuck! - Let's go, boys.
Get this has h and put it in my car.
- Ricky, they still work for me! They're mine! Let go of them ! - They've always been mine Boys, take this cart - - Boys, let go of the cart - I don't give a fuck what happens to you, but this hash is coming with m e right the fuck now.
- Like fuck they are! - Boys.
Ricky! Stop it! Let them go! Nobody owns Corey and Trevor Boys, get over there.
Boys, I'm gonna have a fucking meltdown here.
We've got a ton of hash here that we can all go to jail for a long time and you guys are fucking fighting over stupid stuff.
(crying) o Now I fucking did this because you guys wanted me t and I didn't want to, but you guys are the only family I have in the world and I fucking wanted to help you! (crying) Now we're all gonna fucking go to jail, or we're gonna resolve this! Julian, you did do something that wasn't very nice to Ricky He's got a right to be mad Now you apologize to him and get this settled right now Do it.
- Rick I'm sorry, man.
- Why would you screw my dad over like that, man - Rick, I got sick of living in the tent, man I started feeling like a loser , alright? I mean, I just want my trailer back, buddy.
My grandmother gave me that trailer.
She gave me that car that I gave to you that you now live in, man.
It means a lot to me! I dunno, man, I just fucked up I couldn't I just couldn't think, man - Ricky, come on.
We need your help and that was a fucking pretty nice apology.
- Promise me we'll get my dad out of jail - I promise you, man.
- Alright, boys, we better get this out of here 'Cause goddamn sure Lahey called the cops.
We know that.
- No, he said he didn't.
He said he did something fucking even worse.
- Worse? What the fuck could b e worse than calling the cops? (buzzer sounding) (music)