Trailer Park Boys s05e08 Episode Script

- What's the number on that cart, Bubs? - Huh? - The number on the cart.
What's the number? - There's no number on this one yet.
Well, I knew it was only a matter of time before my cart business and Ricky and Julian's dope business collided, so the day's here finally.
- Basically the hardest part about dealing dope is transport.
I mean, I learned that back in Grade 9.
And Julian's got this plan we're gonna ship it around the province in shopping-cart handles, which is great, 'cause you got a shopping cart that looks perfectly normal, but inside the handle, it's full of hash.
- And it does help get rid of that hash, which I don't like lying around here, with Lahey fucking wandering around, drinking fucking huge bottle s of liquor.
- Pictou Vocational School , they need hash.
, Cobequid Vocational School , Shelburne, Port Hawkesbury fucking Digby, Yarmouth.
Everybody wants fucking hash So we're gonna sell this whole driveway probably in two days.
It's awesome.
(music) - Ricky, I need my cart hammer back.
- Do you want Trinity drivin g around the park with no brakes I'm just changing the brake hose for Trinity I don't want her driving aroun d the park in an unsafe car.
When we sell the hash, I'm gonna give her this car.
How many fathers can give their 9-year-old daughter a car? I'm just happy I'm in a position I can do something like that - Ricky, do you really think it's a good idea to be letting Trinity drive around in your car? Come on, man, I need your help over here, buddy - Julian, let me tell you a little story about something my dad taught me, okay? - Ricky, no offence, but your dad taught ya.
Your dad's kind of a drunk , chronic VLT gambler, put in jail for defrauding the government, you know.
s - Well, he's also one of the best fucking father a person could've had.
We'll be bailing him out of jail later on today when we sell the hash.
, Anyway, I know you guys think you're smarter than me and who fucking knows, maybe you are.
But one thing I know is when you're growing up, , you gotta fucking do illegal shit once in a while have a bit of fun and maturinate into a better person.
If you go to jail, you learn a fucking lesson and you don't go to jail after that.
You know, your thoughts might be better than mine, o but I have thoughts going around in my head to e about different thinkings an d brain things that you can us , and doing different things and I think I know what's best for my daughter, so fuck off and let me fix the brakes for my daughter and then I'll help you with the hash.
You guys don't always know what's best, so my thoughts have feelings of their own too sometimes - Ricky, what are you talking about - I dunno, Bubbles.
I dunno.
- We got like seven handles here.
I said 200, Bubs.
We need 200 handles.
(Bubbles sighing) - Julian, 200 handles is 200 carts.
That's a lot of fucking carts.
I don't know.
I don't know if I can do it.
It's a lot of work.
- No, no, no.
What do you mean ? Who's the king of the carts? Huh? - I am.
So I just have to go get the carts.
The way I always do.
No pressure and no fucking touching hash - Bubs, the beauty of this plan, you don't gotta touch the hash You just gotta collect the carts, man.
That's it.
- Careful with it, boys! - Good luck, buddy.
Going to school.
See you soon.
- Alright, time to get some e fucking shopping carts going That's my specialty.
Ricky and Julian probably could've helped me if we need that many fucking carts, but I guess I'm better at it than anybody.
So this is where I go to get most of them.
This is a fucking goldmine down here.
This is one of the spots I've been coming for years It's usually just littered with dirty old fucking carts Holy fuck! Get down! Get the fuck down! That's Gary, the head mall cop If he sees me, I'm fucked.
We're gonna have to wait this one out, boys.
- Bubbles! Bubbles! - Ah, fuck.
- Come on out of there! Bubbles, I know you're in there! I can see your cart! It's right here, man! - Fuck! Gary, I'm just having a just having a pee down here.
, - Bubbles, get up here.
You take my shopping carts I take your go-cart.
Get here now! - I'm not taking your shopping carts.
I was having a pee.
I didn't want anyone to see my bird.
- What's with the carts, Bubbles? - I brought those carts with me.
They're from another mall, Gary.
- Another mall? , You're not the one who get s the calls from head office night and day, asking about stolen shopping carts.
You're not the one who waits t o go to a Chris de Burgh concert for three-and-a-half years so I can go in and miss the encore, Don't Pay the Ferryman, because I'm on the phone in the foyer talking about stolen shopping carts! I'm the one who gets those calls Bubbles, not you Me.
And you know what? I don't wanna get those calls anymore.
- Well, why don't you fuckin g turn your cellphone off, Gary? - Don't fuck with me, Bubbles.
Shit.
Fuck! - It's not on, Gary.
- Well, turn it on! Start the fucking thing! e - I got all this pressure on m to get all these fucking carts and I come down to the mal I and Gary's fucking all over me (snivelling) I misjudged their perseverance , I guess.
- It's a simple mathematic equation, Rand.
Julian wants this trailer desperately, so if I keep upping the price, he'll do whatever it takes.
.
to get the money.
That sexy fucker's smart, Randy.
Parading around in his fucking tight little fucking T-shirt But we're smarter.
You know what we're gonna do , Rand? When we get Julian behind bars we're gonna drink this whole fucking bottle.
And then - Mr.
Lahey, after everyone' s gone back to jail, we're gonna stop drinking, right? - Absolutely, Rand.
- You promised, Mr.
Lahey.
- Randy! Shhh.
Do you hear that? - What? - What were you saying? - I can't say anything.
You keep saying Randy.
- Randy! - How much you want? What's your locker number? And the combination.
Why does Daddy always smell like garbage? - Well, your dad smells like garbage because he has a job picking up garbage.
Remember Mr.
Lahey told us that? - God, Lahey's stressing me out.
I really need to get drunk tonight.
- Speaking of which, I think it's a good idea for us to go to bingo, have a couple of drinks and let off some steam.
- When I drink with Sarah now, I know when to cut it off.
- The only problem is sometime s Lucy starts drinking a bit faster than me and I can't keep up and then she gets way too drunk.
- I I drank a little bi t when I was in high school, but I'm totally over that no w and I never, ever get hammered It's it's a waste of a day.
- It's gonna be awesome.
You totally deserve it.
- I totally deserve it.
- Here's a couple shots to get you started.
Glad you guys are here.
You'll look after Trin tonight .
- Uh, no, can't.
, We're working for Julian.
Sorry.
We wanna hang out with you but we can't.
- It kind of pissed me off when Corey and Trevor said they wouldn't look after her , I told them they were going to but it's much better for the m to be working for Julian, learning some important skills , than hanging around with Ricky - I did over two grand today at school, which is awesome.
I decided I'm gonna be in charge of the fucking money.
My brain's been working good , so fuck Julian.
It's my money now.
Oh, for fucksake.
Fucking spot check.
I had open liquor.
That's always nice.
, Fuck this shit.
I got no insurance or anything anyway I may as well just get the fuck out of here.
Anyway, I bought a bunch of booze so I can get drunk, some smokes.
I'm gonna go bail the old man out of jail I plan on still being fucking drunk Nice try, boys.
Fucking idiots They shouldn't be able to pull you over like that Fucking cops and their spot-check bullshit.
- Where's the rest of the carts, man? (brakes squealing) - I crashed! - You're okay, man.
- Julian, I hid in the bushe s for 40 fucking minutes with pine needles pricking m e on the bird and that's all I could get .
- Who were you hiding from - Gary, the fucking mall guy .
He was on me like shit to a blanket.
- Fuck Gary! - Hey, boys.
We are gonna get fucking wasted tonight Grab a bottle, boys, let's start drinking.
Smoke some SPJs, hash.
- Where'd you get all the liquor, man? - Sold some hash, buddy, spent some cash.
We're gonna have lots.
Who cares? Here, grab a bottle - How are we supposed to get your dad out if you keep spending money ? Huh? - Julian, there's a whole driveway full of hash there, we're gonna have lots of money .
- We don't have the money yet.
Go start cutting up the driveway.
We're gonna start shipping that stuff out tonight.
Where's the rest of the money? - I got a little bit here and, uh, the rest's in the trunk.
- Okay, leave it in the trunk, put the hash in the trunk.
We're going to use it as a safe, alright? Listen, you go back to the mall, okay? There's gonna be some cart s there for ya.
- What do you mean? - I'm gonna take care of it, okay? - Holy fuck.
What a crash.
I could've been killed! - You guys must think you're pretty tough, eh? Picking on my friend Bubbles ? - I-I-I was just doing my job! - Oh, what do you think he was doing? - How do you think he makes a living? How do you think he feeds his cats? - I don't know! Take your finger off the trigger! Please - - Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhhhhhh Listen, alright, this is what I want you to do.
, - Okay, I'm listening.
- You take all those carts , you throw them over the bank alright? - Absolutely.
- That's all I want you to do.
Okay? You're not gonna call the cops, are you? - No.
- What the fuck is he doin g with that driveway? - Looks like he's repaving it, Mr.
Lahey.
I told him it looked like shit .
- What a job.
Four-thirty in the afternoon , he's drunk already.
Should be quite a night, Randy - We're already drunk too.
- Randy! - Oh-ho! First try! - Rick Ricky! Hey.
- Hey, Luce.
- Ah, listen, will you take care of Trin Sarah and I wanna go to bing o and get a couple of drinks - I was gonna have some drinks too, but, yeah, I'll wait till later, I guess.
I wanna get drunk later.
Do you wanna get drunk with me - Yeah, okay, I'll do that - If you're getting drunk later, who's gonna take care of this kid here? - I got 60 bucks for to sa y maybe you'll look after her.
- For to say? - Yeah.
I got 60 dollars for to say that you'll babysit her.
- Okay, 80 bucks for to says I'll do it.
- Eighty bucks? - Yup.
- Fine.
Okay.
Actually, Lucy, here's some money for you.
Have some drinks, but don't get too drunk, alright I don't want you to pass out or whatever.
I wanna see you later.
- Well, if I pass out, I won't be any use to anyone, right? So - That's what I'm saying.
Don't pass out.
Just have like five, six drink s or whatever.
- I never do that.
It'll be fine.
- Can I have some money for school supplies? - Sure.
- You know, Ricky, I think it's really cool that you're spending time with your daughter.
- Thanks, Sarah.
- Be good and be careful.
- Yeah, bye.
- Well, we're gonna do some bodywork to the car, try and get it inspected? - Sure.
Daddy used to steal inspection stickers, but then, I kinda went to court one time and almost went to jail, so now it's just easier to do the bodywork.
So we gotta fill holes.
This bit of rust here is fine, but see where there's a hole right there - Yeah.
- We gotta fill that.
Nice.
Where'd you get all the carts? - I don't know what Julian did down there, Ricky, but it's a goldmine down at the mall.
You're here at the front.
- Looks like a bunch of drunks playing with shopping carts, Mr.
Lahey.
- Shit flowers, Randy.
w - Maybe they're turned a new leaf, ever since they sa how you took care of Ray and J Roc.
, - From a distance they loo k like ordinary flowers, Randy but when you get right dow n and stick your nose in them, you realize they're shit flowers e and there's a whole fucking bouquet ther right in front of Ray's trailer.
- We're out, Mr.
Lahey.
- Randy!? - Shhh! - Rand.
- Ricky, I need more hash logs - Hey, what's popping, Kermit? Wanna see if we can get the ca r to go to the store? - Ricky, I don't wanna be Mr.
Complainy, but I don't like having all that hash in my shed.
, - Well, Bubs, the faster we get this in the handles the faster it gets out of here - I'll roll up another hash log, then, for fucksakes.
- Dad? Dad? - Not back here, sweetie.
Not back here.
- Can I roll with Kermit down to the store? Can I take the car? - Uh, no, you can't.
k But what you can do is go down to the edge of the trailer par and park it.
Get out, lock the doors, go to the store, get what you need.
Actually, get me a couple bags of chips.
Dressed All Over and Zesty Mordant.
Then just come back here after that when you're done.
- Put your seatbelts on.
Don't leave the park, alright? - Okay.
- When you're a kid, doing stuff that's illegal is a lot more fun than doing stuff that's legal, so I let her take the car.
She's only driving around the park.
No big deal .
I told her to put her seatbelt I don't see the problem.
Lucy might have a problem, but she's at bingo.
What Lucy doesn't know won't learn her.
- What's up, dude? - Hey, boys.
Alright, listen up.
This is Sunnyvale right here , okay? You've got to drive the cart s to the Pictou shopping mall, , which is right there.
Drop the carts off in the parking lot Buddy'll pick them up later.
Can you do that? - I dunno if Julian told you , but he told me that things go a lot smoothe r when he's working with us than when he's working with Ricky, so that's like a really high compliment coming from him - What the fuck are you looking at, Trevor?! - What's up, Ricky? - Suck my cock, Trevor! How about that, you skinny little fucking weasel! - Ricky.
You're not even supposed to be talking to me! Get away from me! - Trevor, Trevor, that's enough.
Ricky, that's enough.
- I'm not afraid of Ricky.
I dunno about you.
- Yeah, well, uh, we let him come close to us.
Like, we waive the peace bon d all the time and we let him within 10 feet of us.
I think he knows that's pretty cool of us, too.
I'm pretty sure he might be even intimidated a little bit by us - Yeah, he's afraid.
- What if we drove down Midnight Pass Road? - No, man.
If we go up this way, we stop at Mimar's Arcade.
e - What the fuck? Does one of you idiots mind telling m why there's only 10 fuckin g carts left in that truck instead of 20? - Yeah, we had to move 10 off.
- Oh, you moved 10 off.
D'you hear that, Julian? Precious little Corey and Trevor fucked up and took 10 carts off the goddamn load.
- Your order's for 10 carts.
Rick.
You fucked up.
- What the fuck are you looking at, Trevor - You fucked up, Ricky.
You know what else? You're wearing the same dirty clothes since you got out of jail.
You fucked up, man.
- What did you just say to me? - Uh-oh.
- Knock-knock, Trevor.
- I'm not gonna say "Who's there," man.
- You just did, you fucking idiot.
- Rick! Ricky! - Those are my new pants! - What are you doing, man? ! - Ricky! - Boys, boys! We're suppose d to be working like a team here , You wanna be on a winning team that makes a shitload of money or do you wanna be on a losing team that goes to jail, huh? Apologize to him.
- I'm not apologizing to him - Corey, move.
Apologize to him.
- Sorry I ripped your pants off, Trevor.
- It's alright, Ricky.
Shit happens, man.
- Do you want your pocket back - Trevor, here's some gas money.
You guys can leave now.
Corey, get over here.
Gas money.
And here's 20 for a new pair of pants.
- Thanks a lot, Julian.
- Alright, no speeding.
Put on your seatbelts.
Don't fuck around.
- See you later, Ricky.
- Do a good job, boys.
- Ricky, you ripped his fucking pants right off.
- I don't know what happened I'm just so stressed out lately.
I fucked up.
He was fuckin g standing up to me, though.
He better watch himself, or he's gonna lose a fucking friend, I'll tell you that - Ah! The cops! The cops! Kermit, get in the back, get the bottles! Hurry up! - Are you Trinity? Get out of that car right now.
(dog barking) - There they are, Randy.
Hello, gentlemen! Hey, Jules.
Having a little drinkee-poo? Tasty isn't it? Couple of drinks on a hot day.
- We're just here to do the lot water tests, boys.
- Randy.
We're just here to do lot water tests, boys.
It'll just take a sec.
- Lahey, I live in a tent.
- I have a shed, Lahey.
I don't have water.
- Listen here, Captain Drunkity - Cock, none of us have water, so we don't need any of this crap.
- Ricky! Destruction of property, Rick.
- Barb says we got full authority to do tests - Randy, you're right.
Sorry .
You do have full authority To fuck right off and fuck off good, okay? And you can fuck off too, Mr.
Lahey.
- How about the pants come off , Rick? And I kick the shit out of you .
- Take 'em off, Randy.
- It's gonna happen.
They're coming off.
- Come on, I've been wanting to fight you for a while.
- Give me a little whack.
Come on, Ricky, give me a little whack! Come on, Ricky, give me a little whack! - Watch out, Ricky, his pants are off! - I don't care! - His pants are off! - Come on, Ricky, come on, give me a little crack.
- This is between me and Lahey , Rancy! (shouting) I'm gonna fucking - - Crank him, Ricky, fucking give him one! He deserves it! - Ah! - Fucking stay out of this , Randy.
- Rick, see your coat, Ricky?! Well, how do you like that?! - Come on, Ricky! - Give it to him! - Just once, Ricky! - Don't do it, Rick! - Ricky! Come here.
- Jeez, Lucy, are you alright? - She's loaded! - What's going on? - Trin was just arrested.
- What?! Where is she? (voices on police radio) What the hell is this shit? Huh? Trin, what are you doing in there? - Omigod! - Easy, Rick.
Take it easy - You take it easy, you dick .
That's my daughter.
If Trinity was drinking and driving, I mean, that'd be a big deal.
But she wasn't.
She hadmyopen liquor in the car, going to the store to get her dad chips.
What's the problem with that She shouldn't be taken downtow n for that shit.
The car didn't do nothing wrong.
Why are you towing that away - You got no inspection, it's not registered.
Driven by a minor while in possession of alcohol That means impound, Rick, that's the law.
- Well, can I at least get my stuff out of there first? - Why, d'you forget something, Ricky, like your daughter maybe? - That's very funny, Sarah .
- I don't think so, Rick.
- Trinity, Daddy's gonna take care of this, alright - Ted, can I talk to you for a sec? - Don't tell them your name, where you live, none of that , - We're both adults and I was thinking, you know maybe you and I could find a way that we could possibly pull it together.
g - Maybe we could work out charging you for attemptin to bribe a police officer with sexual favours.
We could work that out.
- Geez - - Randy.
Guess not, eh? - We're cool.
Come on, Lucy.
I think Lucy behaved completely appropriately for what was going on.
Um, she got a little upset I think any good mother would get a little bit upset when her daughter's being arrested.
(all shouting) - My big concern is there' s 12 pounds of hash in the trunk and a bunch of our money.
And I have no idea how we're gonna get that out of impound.
I guess we'll figure it out.
But I'm a fucking great dad.
I'm gonna teach her some stuff I think her getting taken away by the cops is good for her.
She'll learn from that.
Probably be a better kid.
Worked for me.
I turned out great.
- Fuck off, George! Boys, am I the only one freaking out here? We're goin to jail forever .
The hash is in the car, Julian - Bubs, Bubs, Bubs, we're no t going to jail, alright? If the cops were gonna search the car, they would've been here hours ago.
We just gotta get that car out of impound.
(knocking) - Oh, that's probably them now - Come in.
- What's up, dude? We done everything.
- Went perfectly, Julian.
We never fucked up once, man - Where's the new pants? - Uh, I spent the money at the food court.
Here, Ricky, this is for you 'cause I fucked up earlier, man.
- You did fuck up, Trevor, but thanks.
- So maybe we'll hang out later? - You guys want anything down at the store? Pop or chips or anything? - Boys, did you not notice e There was a big awkward silenc when you said bye the first time.
And now you're doing basically the same thing and it's just gonna happen again.
See how this is working? Just go, boys.
- Alright, so we'll see yo u later, then, dude.
- Boys, just, when the cops ge t here, tell them I won't resist I'll just be in my shed hyperventilating.
- Look, Rick, Rick, I know your family's in jail y and your car's impounded and everything looks shitt right now, but you gotta stay focused, man, keep that stick on the ice , alright? Things are gonna turn around, bud.
(music)