Trailer Park Boys s07e06 Episode Script

We Can't Call People Without Wings Angels, So We Call Them Friends

Meat Shop Guy 1: Is that thing running? Jacob: Stop fucking around guys.
Stay focused here.
Fuck.
I'm stopping to rock a piss guys.
If you want to film something, film the river.
[music] Jacob: Are you filming me pissing.
Fuck off! Fuck, put it in Park, put it in Park.
Jesus! Ricky: What the fuck is this shit? You guys are too close.
I'm serious.
Stay the fuck out of our way.
Julian: Boys, we gotta hurry up and get there as soon as we can.
Shitty called around and some other guys seen them driving in the woods a few days ago, so they might be okay.
Ricky: Or they might be fucked, and this is a big fucking waste of time.
Julian: Don't be thinking like that, we gotta stay positive man.
Bubbles: Julian, for the record, I do not fucking trust lumberjacks.
Julian: Bubbles, it's going to be fine.
Come on, we're wasting time here boys.
Let's go.
Ricky: Fuck, we got a lot of food boys.
I can't wait to eat.
Bubbles: Put it in here Ricky? Ricky: It works like a vaporizer.
We'll get stoned through the vents on the way there.
Bubbles: That's fucked.
[music] Bubbles: Are you sure this is the right road Julian? Ricky: It's the only fucking road around.
Julian: This is it.
That's Great Bear River right there Bubbs.
Bubbles: It's a big sassy river, isn't it? What's that boys? Look, up on the road.
Julian: Wait.
Stop the car.
Bubbles: Oh no, those are the good good whole wheat Shreddies I gave them.
Ricky: Those guys are dumb.
Like, why would they leave their fucking Shreddies right here? Bubbles: They might be starving out here boys.
Julian: They've got lots of licorice.
They'll be fine Bubbles.
Oh, oh my god.
Bubbles: Oh my god.
Jacob and the dumb guys.
Ricky: Forget about those fucking dicks.
Julian man, look at your car.
Bubbles: What are we going to do? Julian: Fuck! Alright, we gotta call the cops and tell them what happened, so we're not wrapped up in some kind of a murder case.
Bubbles: Yup.
Julian: We've got no choice.
This is our fault Ricky.
Ricky: No.
No way boys.
I mean, it's a bit of a shame but, they were just too fucking stupid to survive.
Happens all the time in the animal kingdom when you think about it.
Dumb rakins, stupid birds, crazy squirrels, porquipicks that get hit by cars.
Helps over control the population of the things that are fucking stupid.
Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky: I mean, those guys basically just cocked themselves over and fucked up.
It's not our problem.
Survival of the fitness boys.
Bubbles: Can you see them in there, Ricky? Ricky: I don't know.
It's pretty slippery down here boys, be careful.
Bubbles: Julian, there's no bodies.
There's no sign of them.
Ricky: This is fucking weird man.
Your upholstery is ripped to shit.
There's nothing left in there for upholstery.
Trailer, totally empty.
Julian: Maybe they ripped the seats apart for survival reasons.
Bubbles: Yeah, that's a possibility Julian.
You know what else is a possibility? Grizzly cocksuckers mighta ate them.
Ricky: Fucking hillybillies.
Boys, I am fucking scared to death of dirty hillybillies.
Bubbles: Me too Ricky.
Hillybillies and rickshitty bears.
Julian: If all the tracks gone, I guarantee you those guys are still out there setting it up.
Stop wasting time man! Come on.
Bubbles: I'm trying my best there Mister fucking drypants.
Julian: Come on Bubbs.
Ricky: My fucking good track pants man.
If those guys are alive, they're buying me some new fucking track pants.
[sound of rain and thunder] Jacob: Keep it together boys.
I'm going to record a message for Julian.
If anyone finds this tape, can they please give Julian from the Sunnyvale Trailer Park a message.
Tell him, tell him, tell him we did our best.
And thanks for the dope Ricky.
Thanks a lot.
Total respect Julian.
Ricky: You dry yet Bubbles? Bubbles: Yeah, I'm totally dry.
Turn the fucking heat down, will you? Boys, my legs are all jinkitty- janked.
Julian: They gotta be out there somewhere.
There's nothing else out here.
So they should be okay.
Bubbles: Julian, no offence, but you don't know what's in these woods.
They could be full of fucking grizzly whores or stupid drunk lumber cocksuckers for all you know.
Ricky: What to the fuck do them clothes them doing there? Why the fuck would those guys take their clothes off in the middle of the woods.
Bubbles: Oh, I don't know, but some one or some thing made them take their clothes off.
Jacob: We made these car seats ponchos to help keep the boys warm.
Yeah, I' m doing okay.
We're down to our last few Shreddies and pieces of licorice.
I'm going to turn it off boys, save the battery.
Bubbles: I mean, who knows boys.
If they're high on Ricky's dope and they're out here gallivanting around in the woods, maybe the cops busted them for being naked.
Julian: Bubbs, there's no cops out here.
There's only forest rangers.
Ricky: Well, the chances of getting run into forest rangers out here is zer-low so they should be fine.
Jacob: What the fuck is that? Quick boys, we gotta hide.
Get down behind this tree.
Stay down boys.
Forest Ranger 1: Hello? Hello, is there someone out here? Hello? Forest Ranger 1: Licorice and Shreddies.
Forest Ranger 2: Shreddies? Forest Ranger 1: Yeah, licorice and Shreddies.
There's someone out here.
I know it.
Back in the Argo, let's go.
Bubbles: I'm really worried about these guys still Ricky.
I mean, they very well could be dead you know.
What if they're fucking this whole thing up? Ricky: They're certainly wasting my time.
Julian: It's still warm.
Which means they're close.
See, I told you Jacob wouldn't give up Ricky.
Bubbles: Yeah, but how do we know that's their fire.
Anybody could have had that fire going.
Ricky: Look at this.
Smells like my dope.
It is my dope, it is them.
Bubbles: Yes! Alright, they're alive.
Jacob.
Ricky: Fuck, goofs! Julian: Jacob, where are you buddy? Bubbles: Ricky, do they answer to fuck goofs? Ricky: Oh yeah.
Bubbles: Fuck goofs.
Julian: Jacob! Bubbles: Listen, listen.
Ricky: Oh, it's just a peasant cuckooling Bubbles.
Bubbles: We're going to find them boys.
Julian: Alright, back in the car, let's go.
Jacob: Okay.
We got all the track from the car.
It took four trips.
The boys have been setting it up and doing a really good job.
Over there, across the river, that's Maine and this side's Canada and the border is right down the middle.
USA, Canada.
Mm, thank god for this dope Ricky.
It's the only thing keeping us alive right now.
Fucking flies.
We started in the rain last night so we need an energy boost.
We're so fucking hungry.
We found some salamanders.
Hopefully they taste not too bad.
Here, give me one.
Are they done? Yeah, it's not, it's not so good.
Bubbles: Do you take lemons and caper Ricky with your smoked salmon.
Ricky: Bubbles, I don't want any rich peopleman's food.
I want some fucking meat that's cooked.
Bubbles: Smoked salmon is delicious.
Julian, smoked salmon? Earth to Julian, come in Julian.
Julian: Bubbs, would you get back on track? Have you figured out where we're at yet? Bubbles: Well, unless I got it all fucked up, I think they're right around here boys.
They have to be.
Ricky: Or, they could be in fucking Dumbland, where people fucking do dumb stuff and dumb everything up Bubbles.
Julian: Wait now.
What's that over there, boys? Bubbles: What? Julian: Right there on the tree.
Bubbles: It's a note pinned to the tree.
Deedly-dee.
It's a note alright.
We can't call people without wings angels so we call them friends.
You may think I'm crazy but the forest is alive.
Alive I tell you.
Something's been stealing our track.
Something's been fucking with us.
I thought things were okay until last night but there are angry monsters in the woods and in the water and the trees are following me.
What? We may not make it.
Help us please.
Your friend forever, Jacob Collins.
What's he talking about? The trees are following him? Jacob: We just finished studying.
It's the only thing keeping us sane right now.
But I just came down to the river to wash up and noticed something odd.
Check this out.
Someone or something threw a bunch of our track, the last of our track, into this giant pile of shit down there in the river.
[noise] Jacob: What the fuck is that? Another one of these ghost trees.
Holy fuck boys, did you see that? I got that one on film.
Alright, we gotta get the track out of that pile down there guys.
Okay, get down there.
Get down there, you're going to get it out.
Go boys, go.
[screaming] Julian: Okay, that's Great Bear River there.
The US is on the other side.
This is the most level place boys.
I mean, the bridge should be built right around this area.
Ricky: They fucked us.
Big surprise Julian.
No fucking bridge.
Julian: Maybe I was wrong.
Bubbles: No actually, there isn't a bridge Ricky.
But you know what there is? There's a fucking tunnel.
Right here.
Julian: Oh my god, I can't believe it.
Bubbles: Look at that.
Ricky: They did it boys.
Did they ever fucking do it! That is fucking perfect.
It's going to work.
Now, can we please fucking eat before I die? Julian: Rick, we're not eating yet,O.
K.
We got some work to do.
Jacob: The boys finished laying the track.
They took a terrible beating from the water monsters last night.
Check that shit out.
We're so hungry now and we're lost too.
Fucking flies.
Fuck! Julian, I'm really losing it here man.
Julian: Do you got any bug dope? Thanks.
Bubbles: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Check it out.
Look at this boys.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
There's the start of the track right there.
That's where we load the dope, go to the US.
Look at this.
It's all cleared out.
Road's right there.
This is pretty good.
Julian: This is perfect.
Ricky: Whippity fuck.
Alright, we don't need those guys anymore.
So can we please, please get something to eat.
Julian: Ricky, these guys aren't disposable.
They're our friends man.
Look what they did for us.
We gotta go find them.
Ricky: What did you just call them? Julian: They're our friends.
Ricky: Do you feel that way too Bubbs? Bubbles: What was the question? Ricky: Look boys, Cory and Trevor were kind of our friends.
These guys are just jail cover dummies.
You're getting too fucking close to your jail cover.
You're still upset we sent Cory and Trevor to the insane place aren't you? Julian: No.
Ricky: You Bubbs.
Bubbles: No.
Ricky: Me either.
Anyway, let's go set up camp before it gets dark.
Cook the shit out of some meat.
Cook bacon.
I mean, they're going to smell bacon cooking if they're starving.
Just tell me we can please fucking go eat.
Julian: Alright, let's go eat.
Ricky: Thinking about getting drunk tonight boys.
Really fucking drunk.
What about you guys? Julian: Yeah, I'll have a couple of drinks Rick.
Ricky: You Bubbs? Bubbles: No fucking way, Ricky.
I'm not getting drunk way out here.
Ricky: Why not? Bubbles: I'm just not.
Ricky: For fuck's sakes.
Stupid pants.
Bubbles: Ricky.
Ricky: Oh fuck! There's fucking milk all over the tenderloins.
It's alright though boys, we got lots of food.
Bubbles: Come here, just pull your pants up.
Ricky: Give me a hand with these Bubbs.
I've gotta get the fucking barbeque going.
We still got a lot of food.
Shishkabits, pork chops, burgers, hot dogs, what do you guys want to start with? Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky: Got a fucking nice roast in here too.
Bubbs, what's going on here, come on.
Bubbles: I'm trying to.
Ricky: Fucking things.
They're never going to be the same.
After that fucking swamp.
Bubbles: Well, you can't just give up on them.
Ricky: Well, this snap doesn't work here.
It's fucked.
You gotta use this one.
Look.
Bubbles: I know, but they're your pants.
Ricky: Let's fucking eat, come on.
Bubbles: Oh my god, I'm stuffed boys.
What's wrong Julian.
Julian: Nothing Bubbs.
Ricky: How were the steaks boys? They we're over cooked were they? Julian: They were perfect Rick.
Bubbles: Ricky, that Caesar salad was miraculous.
Pork chops, unbelievable.
Ricky: You're fucking burgers were fantastic Bubbles.
I can't believe it.
Everything is gone.
We fucking ate it all.
Bubbles: We ate all the meat Ricky? Ricky: Well, there's three hot dogs left.
You may as well get them in ya.
Julian: I'm done Rick.
Ricky: Got room for one dog, come on.
Bubbles: Come on, Julian.
One more,and then we can say we ate all of it.
Ricky: Fuck, I love meat.
Jacob: Julian, we're so hungry we thought about eating our text books, but we can't.
Cause really, we gotta pass our exam.
It's the only thing we're doing right now.
Just studying.
Trying to fucking get through this but, I don't know what we're going to do.
[sniffing] What's that smell? What is that? Do you guys smell that? Julian: Well, I'm shutting it down boys.
I'm going to bed.
Ricky: What are you talking about? What the fuck's wrong with you? Julian: Rick, don't you have any compassion? Those guys put their lives on the line setting up that track and if they're still alive, I'm going to find them.
Ricky: Well, you're not going to find them tonight.
Let's get drunk, do drugs and get her going on the Mitchell.
Bubbs, please talk some sense to him.
I want to get drunk man.
We're fucking camping here, let's party.
Bubbles: Julian, Ricky has a point.
We're not going to find them tonight and you know, to be honest, I'm a little nervous out here in the woods.
Couple of drinks and a little bit of dope might take the edge off, you know.
I'll help you find them in the morning.
We'll find them.
Julian: You promise? Bubbles: Yes, I promise.
Ricky: Here.
Take a little toot off that.
Bubbles: Boys, I gotta rock a piss.
Ricky: Alright, you rock a piss.
I'm going to rock some Mitchell.
[loud music] Ricky: Whooo! Fuck, we're getting drunk tonight.
Want some more drugs Bubbs? Want hash or weed buddy.
Bubbles: Little bit of both Ricky.
Combo.
Jacob: Where's it coming from boys? [sniffling sounds] Jacob: I think it's this way.
Ricky: Whooo! [music] Ricky: Oh, fuck yeah.
Bubbles: Holy fuck boys! Boys, I just saw three bears down in the woods.
Three bears Ricky.
[music] Ricky: You fucking sure? Bubbles: Three big dirty ass bears right down there.
[music] [music] Bubbles: Boys, the thing about bears is to just make noise and scare them away.
[banging on a pot] [music] Bubbles: They ran up there Julian.
Julian: Where? Bubbles: Up there.
Fire some warning shots or something.
[gunshots] Ricky: That's not bears.
It's fucking hillybillies.
Fuck you you greasy hillybillies? Jacob: Ricky, is that you? Julian: Jacob?! Jacob: Julian! Julian: Jacob! Ricky: Oh my fuck! Julian: Oh my god man.
I can't believe you guys are still alive.
Jacob: How did you? What are you doing here? Bubbles: Boys, you're alive.
Julian: We're here looking for you man.
Jacob: You came to find us.
I knew you'd come to find us Julian.
Julian: Alright.
Jacob: I knew you would.
Julian: You don't need to hug and kiss boys.
It's okay.
Ricky: What the fuck were you doing shooting at us? Jacob: We were starving, we, we thought you were campers.
We didn't know.
We were going to come and try to steal some food.
Julian: Ricky, grab them some food.
Ricky: There's nothing left man.
Maybe a few gummy worms and some pizza crusts on the floor of the car but it's fucking old.
Jacob: What day is it today boys? Bubbles: Thursday Jacob, the fifteenth.
Jacob: Oh fuck.
Julian: What.
Jacob: Our hotel/motel management exam is today.
We missed it.
Dad's going to kill me.
We missed our exam boys.
Julian: Get in the car, we're leaving boys.
Ricky: What the fuck are you talking about? What about all the drinking and the drugs and the Mitchell? Julian: We got enough time to make it back for their exam.
It's the least we can do for these guys, come on.
Ricky: Fuck's sakes.
Fine, get in the car.
You guys in the fucking trunk.
Nice one Jacob, thanks a lot.
Cause of your stupid hotel/motel booking shit!