Trailer Park Boys s08e04 Episode Script

Orangie's Pretty Fuckin' Tough

Ricky! Ricky! Wake the fuck up! Ricky, get up! Bubbles, fuck off! I'm sleeping in today.
No, you're not.
You told me you were gonna help me put up flyers for the grand opening of the Shed and Breakfast.
Get the fuck up.
Come on.
Get up.
All right, all right.
I'm up.
Why are your pants down? I don't know.
Pull them up.
Get up.
You're sleeping out on the fucking ground with your pants down.
Okay Bubs but I gotta have a fucking quick little shower man.
I gotta wash my hair and my balls.
My cock's got barnacles growing on it.
It's been a fucking week.
Get your legs under ya.
Holy fuck.
Orangie! Ah you finally passed out in the pool, did ya buddy? Ah okay.
Looks like he's sleeping in too.
Don't wake him up, okay? I'll wake him up in an hour when it's time to feed him.
We fucking partied last night.
What? Oh fuck yeah.
Gave him some shooters and some bottle tokes.
We were both pretty fucked up, man.
Ricky, how many shooters did you give him? Oh I don't know.
Five or six.
[CRASH] Fuck! Jesus Christ! Fuck.
What is wrong with you? All right.
I'm just gonna have a quick shower.
I'll be there.
Ricky, I'm just gonna take Orangie in to get him out of the sun.
Don't worry.
I won't wake him.
Ricky: Okay.
Be careful, Bubs.
[laboured breaths] Ah I got really fucked up last night with Orangie, because, I couldn't get things worked out in my head what I'm gonna do about Jacob so when that happens my brain says get drunk and high and maybe you'll work it all out and I did and I still don't know what I'm gonna do with Jacob but we got fucked up on hash tokes and shooters and Orangie's pretty fucking tough.
Woke up this morning with my fucking pants down and my hands on my cock, thanks to Orangie.
Fuck! Julian, wake the fuck up! We got a serious situation here.
We got one hour to rectify it.
What happened? Ricky thinks he's sleeping in.
Oh come on.
He's not that dumb, is he? Did you really just ask me that? It's Ricky! Smokes.
Let's go, Cory.
Good job.
Way to be ready.
There you go, bud.
Let's go.
All right.
Start the fucking car.
It's kind of wet.
No fucking talking.
Floor it, Cory.
Fucking floor it! Julian, we have to replace this fish.
If Ricky finds out.
Orangie's dead, he's gonna be crushed.
And he's gonna be fucking useless to us.
We can't let that happen, man.
Well considering the fact that he just showered under a sunroof and he's got a muffler exhaust drying his hair, I'm pretty confident we can outsmart him.
Is that cooking spray? Ricky, thinks it's called hair shellac.
Hey Julian, if you hold that thing up to the sky do you think He-man might show up? Fuck off Bubs.
Some people actually think these things work, you know.
Oh I know they do.
They're called crazy people.
Jacob: Hey Ricky, could I talk to you Jacob, not right now.
I cannot fucking talk to you.
I got a lotta things I gotta sort out in my fucking head about all this shit.
How's Orangie doing, man? I don't know, man.
His eyes are open but he's still fucking sleeping.
It's weird.
All right.
Let's start from that end, work our way back.
Get this over with.
Okay, man.
Try to wake up soon little buddy.
I'm getting worried.
Bubbles: Okay here boys.
I thought you could start with those.
Holy fuck! I'm just gonna head into the mall quickly but I'll meet up with ya.
What are you talking about? I thought we were putting flyers up.
What the fuck do you need at the mall? I was just gonna get us some egg rolls for lunch.
I'm not gonna go and put all these fucking flyers up on cars while you go in shopping and fucking eating, having a good time.
Send those dicks in.
All right.
Well here, Cory, Jacob, you guys head in and get the egg rolls that we came here to get.
All right? Make sure you get the kind we came here to get.
(Whispering) You boys go the fuck in the mall, find a fish that looks just like Orangie.
Do not fuck this up.
Where do we go? You go where they sell fish you fucking idiot.
Dude, I love egg rolls.
I'll just start down this end, boys.
Ricky: Okay Bubs.
You just stay sleeping there, Orangie.
Poor little cocksucker.
Lahey: Thanks for getting me out of bed for this, George.
They're putting flyers on cars.
I'm going home.
Jim, they're obviously up to something.
I suggest you go down there and kinda bump into them, you know? See if you can get in tighter, make them think you're their friend.
Oh, that'd be really great George.
They wouldn't suspect anything then.
George, a sting like this takes concentration and patience and brains.
Something you, unfortunately always lacked as a police officer.
Reverse distraction scenario.
Wherever Ricky and Julian had Bubbles send those shit idiots, that's where the real fucking action's going down.
Like shootin' shit fish in a shit barrel.
Ahh there's the beef and there's the fish.
Oh dude.
Look, man.
It's dead.
It's dead.
This doesn't seem right, Cory.
I didn't think they sold live fish here.
Yeah, they sell lobster and if you put your hand in the tank they bite.
Trust me.
You're right.
Can I help you guys with something? Yeah, dude.
I need a goldfish like that big.
It's gotta be alive.
Goldfish? Yeah.
You serious? Man, I don't know why Cory's in charge of me.
Since Julian is in charge of Ricky, I should be in charge of Cory, right? 'Cause Julian's smarter than Ricky so I must be smarter than Cory.
Man, we don't even sell live fish, let alone goldfish.
Jacob: Fuck! Generally people don't eat them.
Well what about lobster? Well lobster's a different story but we don't have any goldfish.
Cory: Yo.
Fish sticks! See? I should be in charge of Cory.
Right? I know you think Jacob's a fuck head and he's really stupid but he's actually a pretty good guy you know.
Julian, I can't get it wrapped all around my fucking head.
I'm gonna be related to Jacob.
That's fucked! [Laughing] That's not how it works, man.
You're not gonna be related to him like that.
Well I don't know how any of this shit works.
You know what? We could be making a shit ton of money in this parking lot today.
What are you talking about? Breaking into cars? What about the V-Team and all the Bubbles stuff? Does Bubbles have to know about it? You're serious.
Look at this.
Holy fuck! Right fucking on Julian.
I haven't broken into cars in a long time.
Julian: Let's go.
Ricky: Let's go get my Slim Jims and fucking garbage bags, do this right.
What the fuck is that? Just take it, take it, take it.
Breaking into cars at the mall is fucking awesome and one of the best ways to do it is pretend you're putting flyers under people's window shield wipers and basically walk right up to the cars, see if there's anything inside worth taking.
If the cops show up you've got the perfect excuse.
It's fucking sweet.
Fuck I miss this, Julian.
I forgot how much fun this is! Fuck! All my colours fucked up! Yellow, white, red, blue& [Cory and Jacob talking as they approach] Bubbles: I need a fucking orange in here.
Cory: I was right.
That guy was full of shit.
Bubbles: Boys.
Where's the fish? Bad news, dude.
They don't sell any live fish.
They're all frozen.
No lobsters either.
Did you fucking idiots go to the grocery store? Cory: Yeah.
They sell fish.
Jacob: And lobsters usually.
Are you two dick pinchers huffing fucking glue? Boys, the pet store.
How about that for an idea? Ah dude.
I think the pet store only sells cats and dogs.
I'm pretty sure.
Jacob: And lizards.
Anyway, we'll go to the pet store now.
Just don't tell Ricky we fucked up, all right? Yeah.
Don't tell Julian either.
That's good, man.
Jacob: Yeah.
Bubbles: Un-fucking-believable.
Get the fuck to the pet store! Hurry up before it's feeding time! Cory: What if they're frozen? They're not gonna be frozen! Calm down, Bubbles.
Deep breaths.
[Deep breath] This whole trying to find a goldfish to replace.
Orangie thing is fucking pissing me off.
I should be out putting flyers up for my Shed and.
Look at this.
Grand opening.
I got half price on kitty daycare coupons, all you can eat pancake breakfast coupons.
This is gonna bring the customers in and I don't have time to put them out.
It's pissing me off! Get the fuck out of there, you fucking asshole! Fuck! Would you calm the fuck down? This is still illegal you know.
A baby seat? You gotta steal shit that's worth some money.
I'm trying to get some stuff for Trinity and my grandchild.
Do you think Jacob, that twiggy fucking alien's gonna get any of this stuff for her? Fuck.
Just a second.
You didn't unbuckle it.
Well I probably loosened it at least.
Just a second, man.
There's a stuffed animal in there.
Julian: [sigh] Come on.
That's enough.
I'm serious.
Not a fucking word to Bubbles about any of this.
Dude, I don't know.
That looks way too small.
It's close enough.
I wonder why they call them goldfish though when they're orange.
I don't get it.
Yeah it's ridiculous dude.
Excuse me! Thanks dude.
Thanks man.
Nice! Mission accomplished.
Nice work buddy.
Dude, let's get some egg rolls.
We nailed it.
Ricky: It's a pretty good haul, man.
Trinity's gonna love that baby seat.
Rick, why would you take something like that? Who the fuck is Naynay? It might be something good.
[To Police] How's it going? Fuck off.
Orangie! Will you please wake the fuck up! Bubbles: Ricky.
Just hang on.
You don't wanna jostle him awake like that.
He'll be grumpy the rest of the day.
I've just never seen him crash this hard.
I'm just worried there's something wrong with him.
He's sick or something? Like he's never slept this fucking long.
Oh Ricky, think how much liquor he had, you know? His little liver's probably no bigger than a sesame seed.
He's probably just really hung over.
I don't know boys.
There's probably some medicine people there at the dentist-try.
I'd rather get a fucking doctor to look at him or something.
Ricky, I'm sure he's fine.
What if he's not? If anything happens to him I'm not sure what I'd do, boys.
I fucking love him.
Julian, we can probably get somebody at the medicine place to look at him for Ricky, couldn't we? [mouthing words to each other] Egg rolls.
Maybe we should take the goldfish back first.
Or maybe we get the goldfish and egg rolls, then everyone will be proud of us, dude.
We're in there.
Yeah, good call.
Let's go.
Randy: Mr.
Lahey! Randy.
How's it going, bud? Fine.
Let me give you a lift back to the park.
No, I'm good Mr.
I wouldn't mind having a coffee and waiting around for a little while for you, bud.
No, I'll head back with Don when we're all done.
We still have to go underwear shopping.
Ricky: He's got a weird smell coming off him, Bubbles.
Bubbles: He probably just& He's probably just sweating, Ricky.
Fish sweat? Yeah, they sweat when they're sleeping.
With all the bullshit that's going on right now, the last thing that we should be dealing with is Ricky's dead fucking goldfish.
We should just tell him he's dead.
We're not telling him he's dead.
He doesn't know anything about death.
He doesn't understand that type of stuff.
Do you want him that distracted when we're trying to buy the park? No.
Play along.
Julian: All right.
Just go take a seat, boys.
Can I help you? (hushed tone) I hope so.
My best friend over there with the goldfish? He's mentally unstable and he's off his meds.
The other guy with the glasses? That's his counselor.
He's trying to get him out of here before he starts freaking out.
So I need you to do me a favour.
Can you go over and check his fish out, see, you know, tell him it's fine, that it's just sick and it's sleeping.
Then we'll get him back to the institution.
He's having a rough time.
His, his mother left him that fish before she died so My God.
What a sin.
You know I'm not a doctor.
Do you think he's gonna believe me? Well he thinks his fish is hung over and just sleeping so yeah.
Thank you.
Ricky: Wake the fuck up.
You're okay.
Hi there.
You have some concerns about your little friend? Yeah.
I mean I know you're a peoples doctor.
I was just wondering if you could have a look at him.
He just, he won't fucking wake up.
I'm getting worried.
He's definitely in a very deep sleep, [sigh] but he's alive.
Thank Santa's tits.
Yeah Ricky.
See? He's all right, buddy.
Did, uh, he have a rough night by chance? It wasn't that rough a night.
I mean he did some shooters and four or five bottle tokes, but that was over like six hours so.
I see.
Well I'd recommend he stay off the booze and the drugs.
For how long? Two to six weeks.
Oh fuck.
Sorry little buddy.
That sucks! Just let him sleep it off.
He'll be fine.
Ah doc.
I owe you big time.
Here's a couple ten gram hash coins.
Yeah! You're gonna be fine, little buddy.
Thank you.
Ricky: We'll have you back on the booze and the hash and Thank you.
Sorry about those.
You want me to take those back for you? No.
No? All right.
Thank you.
Bubbles: Just let him come out of his sleep slowly, Ricky.
You don't want to jar him awake.
Bartender: Can I help you? Uh yeah.
Ten egg rolls please.
Two minutes.
Dude, these look way more like Orangie than what we got.
What should we do? We gotta take one of these.
I don't know man.
Just cover me, dude.
It'll be no problem.
I do this all the time.
Grab They're really slippery.
I know.
Hold on.
Look I got, I got one.
Look at that.
It's just like Orangie.
Bartender: Hey! What do you think you're doing? Uh nothing.
It's him.
[finger crunch] Ah! What are you doing, girl? Ow! Ah.
[choking] Dude.
She punched me in the throat.
Bartender [on phone]: This is Ho Phuck restaurant.
We're being robbed! Cory: Dude, let's go.
She called the cops! Go! I think she broke my wrist! Oh.
Oh my god.
She's coming.
Go dude.
Subjects are on the move, George.
Coming out the front! Ricky: Trying to make my fucking heart attack? Just let him sleep, Ricky.
Don't wake him up.
[POLICE SIREN] Woop! Woop! Julian: God damn it.
Bubbles: What the fuck is this? What? Are you gonna make everything magically go away with your fucking power of Eternia? Put that away and let me do the talking.
What did you guys do? Broke into a few cars.
It's not a big deal.
We'll say you had nothing to do with it.
I've been with you all day.
That means I did have something to fucking do with it.
[crying] I can't believe you guys broke up the V-Team.
I'm sorry Bubbles.
I just grabbed a few things for my grandchild! Fuck off Ricky.
Police: Freeze! Down on the ground! Now! Bubbles: We're not resisting.
Cory: Ah, ah.
Just don't, don't say anything.
Julian: Come on.
Let's go.
Ricky: Come on boys.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Officer: Back off George.
Let the real cops handle this.
George: [sigh] Come on guys.
Julian: I'm sorry we broke into cars.
It's the only thing I could do to distract him from the Orangie bullshit.
Well you have to fucking&.
It's too dangerous and too stressful to keep things from me.
I got a skid mark in my underwear now.
Lahey: I want you to fire him, Randy.
What? I'm not going to fire him.
Well do you love him? Mr.
Lahey, there is absolutely nothing wrong with two good-looking coworkers going for a pedicure on their lunch break.
There's no way I want you hanging around with him outside of working hours and it's that simple.
It's not gonna happen.
I'm getting sick of this jealousy bullshit.
I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.
Go ahead.
Sleep on the goddamn couch.
See if I care.
I hope he breaks your heart.
The burgers are fine! Nice and juicy, just the way I like 'em! Hey Trin.
Congratulations sweetie.
You're not angry? No, I'm not angry.
I'm just feeling, I don't even know, just worried I guess.
I mean Jacob's gonna have to step up to the plate now and I don't know if he's gonna be able to, that's all.
I got you some great stuff.
This is awesome! It's the least I can do.
I'm you're father.
We're gonna figure all this out.
I promise.
I love you.
I love you too.
Rick, I love the way that you're handling all this.
It's, it's really cool.
George: What the hell's going on here? Calm down frog tits.
I'm just dropping some stuff off for my daughter.
Must have been a big sale at the mall today was there, Rick? There, yeah, there was actually, yeah.
There was.
Well see you soon guys.
I love you sweetie.
Thanks for not selling me under the bus in there George.
I really apprecialate it.
Okay? Yeah.
No problem, Rick.
I don't see any reason why we can't at least get along here.
Good haul Jules.
We can unload shit like this anytime.
You really need to consider me, you and J teaming up.
I'll talk to him when he gets out of jail, man.
Yeah, but he could be locked up for a while and I'm in charge of the business till he gets out so talk to me.
I mean you got other things you could be doing besides running this place.
Think about it.
Ricky: Hey Bubs.
Are you in there? Yeah.
Just give me a second Ricky.
Come on Orangie 2-point-0.
Need something done right you fucking do it yourself.
Ricky: How's Orangie doing? Did he wake up yet? He woke up.
He's doing great! Thank God! Hey.
How are ya? That's weird though, He looks a little bit smaller.
Uhhh& Well yeah Ricky.
That's totally normal.
When fish sleep that long they slim right down.
I didn't fucking know that.
Julian: Hey boys.
Barb dropped these off for you guys earlier.
She thought it'd be a good idea if we each had one.
Oh wow! Our own super power crystals! Julian, you're not actually buying into this fucking mystical horse shit, are ya? I'm maintaining the peace.
Just wear them boys, Please? It'll be nice, okay? She'll be happy.
That's what she needs now.
You banging her's not making her happy enough? I'm not banging her.
We're just friends.
She's actually a nice lady.
What? [decisively] You're banging her.
No, I'm not.
Bubbles: Banging her.
Ricky: Yep.
Anyway, you guys want to get high? Where's Cory and Jacob? We need some fucking joints rolled.
They're in jail until they can see the judge, Ricky.
[chuckling] Those fucking idiots.
Guys, I've got a shit ton of booze in my bar.
Your Grand Opening's happening soon.
Let's fucking celebrate.
I'll get some hash and honey oil.
Bubbles: All right.
I'll whip up some meat sandwiches.
Ricky: I know the doctor said to stay off the booze and the drugs, but you look fine to me little buddy.
Doctors are fucking dumb sometimes.
We are getting fucked up tonight, Orangie.
Yeah! [whispering] How many Orangies do you have? Lots.
I'll get one on fucking standby.