Trailer Park Boys s10e01 Episode Script

Can I help you? Can I help you? No, I'm good, bud.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, hey, guys.
- Look at this dumb fuck.
Listen, I've got to get you to hold up right here.
I just need to check it out with Julian first, okay? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Get the frig back here, you stupid dicks! Stop the van! Get back here, you dicks! Stop! You stay right there, buddy! Friggin' don't you move! - Fuck off, Randy! - I'm on public property.
You stay right there! No.
- What the frig - Turn that camera off! Whoa, what the fuck are you guys doing here? Get the fuck out of my park! Just shitting you! Come on, boys.
Come and grab a drink, check out my bar.
It's fucking crazy in here.
Pretty fucking cool, huh? I've got two booths over here, a pool table, full-length bar, lots of liquor.
Check out all this country shit I bought at a flea market.
Head bartender, Marguerite.
Say hi.
Howdy, boys! What's your pleasure? - This is Jacob.
- Jacob, say hi.
Oh hey.
This is the shooter bar over here.
We've got 13 different kinds of shots.
And live entertainment seven nights a week! Thank you! We're going to take a little break here, folks.
Like fuck are, Bubbs.
Keep it going! Finch! Keep the drinks servin' up, man.
Come on, we're staying open late again tonight.
This is my third double shift in a row! I don't give go smoke a joint, grab a drink.
You'll be fine, man.
- When am I getting paid? - Look, you're going to get paid! You heard the man, ladies and gentlemen.
Get on your drinking shoes.
Bubbles And The Shitrockers are here all night! One, two, three, four Who wants shots? Line up and get the shots, everybody! And this is my girlfriends.
Bambi and Dakota.
Hi! Right now? It's too busy.
You promised.
I'll take care of you guys later, all right? Come out here, guys.
Things are pretty good for everyone.
I mean, life is fucking good.
It may have taken a little longer than I had hoped for but Freedom 45 sounds just as good as Freedom 35.
Cory! 'Sup, dude? We're staying open late again tonight, so the parents want you to put the kids to bed in the bus soon, all right? And I'm cool with that 'cause Cory gets bedtime tips.
Come and check out Ricky's store.
This is going to be fucking funny.
Wicked.
That shit will make your cock bigger - Look who's back, Rick.
- Fuck! What the Ricky, what the Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Calm the fuck down! What the fuck, man? You guys are supposed to be gone forever! Jesus! Julian, you fucking promised, man.
You said this was it, they're fucking done! Ah, fuck! And now here they are! This is fucking bullshit! I thought we were partying all night tonight.
Would you fucking relax? We are partying tonight.
I'm not partying with these fucking dicks! Rick, they promised to stay out of your way, all right? Ricky, would you fucking calm down? I just want the world to see that we made it.
Let's celebrate.
I am pretty pumped to get drunk tonight.
Well, let's get fucking drunk, then! All right.
What are you doing? - Getting drunk and high.
- We're celebrating.
No What do you mean, no? No, that's abso-fucking-lutely not.
The chart says that we have to be banging between 2:00 and 4:00 for optimal chances, and I I don't want to get hungover.
You're not going to be hungover.
We'll just keep drinking right till then.
You know I bang a lot harder when I'm drunk.
Okay, no booze and no weed and you're sleeping in my bed until I get pregnant.
All right? All right.
I'll be in in a minute.
I've just got to finish up with Reggie.
I love you.
"Love you!" Have fun, bud.
I'm going to get drunk.
Lucky prick.
Julian.
What? You've got to take the noise down.
The people in the new subdivision are complaining.
Randy, I don't give a fuck.
I'm partying all night.
And if the cops come, you're fired.
Do your fucking job! I'm trying to do my job.
But it's a little friggin' hard with no authority! I've been trailer park supervisor for a few months now but it's not nearly as glamorous as what Mr.
Lahey used to make it sound.
Especially with Julian bossing me around all the time.
There's a lot more to this job than meets the eye, let me tell you.
Mr.
Lahey and I, we decided it was best if we took a break for a little while.
It was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks but it's been a couple of months now.
Oh, shit! Hey, Ted.
Evening, Randy.
I've got a lot of noise complaints coming in tonight, bud.
Sorry.
Some new residents moved in and I'll deal with it, Ted.
Don't worry about it.
Will you? Because things might not go too smooth for you if I have to go down to Julian's and deal with this myself.
Know what I'm saying, Randy? Sakes! Okay, guys, here.
No more filming, all right? We'll talk to you guys tomorrow or something, all right? Come back after lunch.
Here.
And stop dropping the fucking things and breaking them, you yoyo! I didn't drop a fucking glass and break it.
Julian.
What? Look, I'm fucking sorry, bud, that I got too drunk to keep playing but I am fucked! Bubbs, don't worry about it.
I mean, you get as drunk as you fucking want, all right? Man, dudes.
$9.
14 in tips, man! Ridiculous! All from tonight? That's fucking awesome, Cory! Yeah, dude! See, boys, that's what I'm talking about.
We might not be rich, but if we can keep things going at the level they're going right now, that's Freedom 45 as far as I'm concerned.
Totally fucking agree, Julian.
This is all I need in my life, right here.
Fucking cart business starting to boom, fucking kitties got all their needles, couple of bucks in my pocket for liquor.
Best of all, my best friends are all here and not in jail.
Never going back, man.
Roc Pile, stop working.
Get over here.
Pick up a shot.
I want to do a toast.
Yes, let's have a fucking toast! To Freedom 45.
No.
Can't toast to that.
Ricky's not here.
That was all of our dreams.
Gotta wait for Ricky.
All right, okay, we'll do it again tomorrow night, then.
How about, I'm getting as drunk as fuck every night this week? Yeah, fucking suck that! Ju-li-an! Hey, girls.
Hey, baby.
Hi! He has time for us.
Are you coming to the bedroom? Yeah, you promised.
You guys want to shut it down? Ooh! Yeah, we do.
Come get us.
Better hurry.
Excuse me.
All right, boys.
Try to get some sleep for me because you know I'm not getting any tonight.
Again.
Let a player know if he needs to tag in and help you.
smelling like a rose that somebody Ricky! Boys! What the fuck are you doing? You're up! Fucking right, I'm up! Couldn't sleep.
My brain started talking at me.
Lucy said, no weed and no booze.
She didn't say a fucking thing about mushrooms.
You're on mushrooms? I took a big handful, man.
They're kicking in They're fucking awesome! Here, let me get you a liquor drink.
I don't even need one, buddy.
Come on! - Get a drink.
- Come on! - Ricky! - Boys, get on.
Huddle up.
Look, I want to do a toast here.
Toast time! Toast time! To Freedom 45, boys! We did it! Ricky! Ricky! What the f Jesus Christ, Ricky! Why do you get like the Hulk when you're on mushrooms? The Hulk was a big, green pussy! I'm mushroom man! Come on! You're fucking unbelievable.
You couldn't take one night off? Lucy, I didn't drink, or smoke weed, I swear to goddamn fucking Jesus! Okay, well your pupils are fucked! You know what? Fuck it! I was supposed to take care of Mo while Trin was at the mall You can.
I'm fucking going out.
Maybe I'll get drunk.
Does this mean we're not banging later? Just go bang yourself.
You guys are fucking late.
You were supposed to be here an hour ago, you fucking dummies! Just a second.
I'm coming.
Grammie's just getting mad at Grampy for some fucking reason! Are you going to play with Grampy's ashtray again? Okay, I'll be right back, little buddy.
So this is the family business, the Drugs Store.
You can pretty much get whatever the fuck you want in here, as long as whatever you want is to get stoned.
Now I named all the shit in here after the people in the park's favourite things.
You've got your Bubble's Gummies, uh, T's Green Tea, Julian's Juice, which is basically a protein shake-and-bake for gym dummies.
And this is my shit here: Ricky's Nuclear Angel Butter.
It's fucking awesome for baking.
Try that shit out.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
So yeah.
Life's pretty fucking great.
Me and Lucy, Trin, Jacob, Mo, all in one roof.
Except for Willie Goat.
Had to give that cock-sucker to a farm once his nuts dropped.
He's a goddamn nightmare trying to hump everything: The fucking stove, fridge, the stereo, TV, my leg.
So this is where Trin and Jacob and Mo live.
Jesus Christ, Jacob! Put on some fucking underwear! Is that how you sleep next to my daughter? What time is it? I must have slept through the alarm.
I unplugged the fucking alarm.
What? When? Earlier.
I came back from Julian's, the thing was fucking blaring.
Why didn't you wake me up? Because that's not my fucking job, Jacob.
You need to learn to look after yourself, bud.
Oh, man! I'm working four jobs trying to save up money for mine and Trin's wedding but normally it's the bride's father who pays for the wedding but, in this case that's Ricky, so He says I've got to learn how to for to be a man.
So that's what I've got to do, I guess.
I've got to pay the bills.
He says I could just get two or three more jobs to make ends meet, but I don't know when I'm supposed to do that.
I have no time to brush my teeth, no time to sleep.
What does he expect? Hey, look at that.
Your finger's the perfect size for packing weed joints.
So what do you think? Should Grammie and Grampy make another one of you? "I don't know, Grampy.
"Babies are a bit of a pain in the fucking ass and you guys aren't getting any younger.
" I hear you.
But you're a cute little bastard, aren't you? Isn't he fucking cute? You like rolling jointie-wointies with Grampy-wampy? Let's try the other finger.
Maybe you'll be left-handed.
Maybe you'll be amphibious.
That'd be pretty fucking cool.
Hey, what's up, dude? I heard you were calling for me.
Yeah.
What are you doing today? I'm mowing lawns with Randy.
Perfect.
Here, drink that.
Put a couple filters in here.
Two perfectly rolled joints, all thanks to you.
Cool.
What's this? It's a weed drink I'm working on, 5 Hour De-Energy.
It's probably pretty potent, so I can't take it.
I've got to bang Lucy later.
I can't be too fucked up.
Well, am I going to be too fucked up? I don't fucking know.
It's an experiment.
Anyway just pay attention how long it takes to kick in, how strong it is and all that Oh, my fuck! Oh, dude, that wasn't me, I swear.
It's him, you fucking idiot! Ughh Man, that's heinous, dude! Oh, man, that's nasty.
Cory, get the fuck out of here.
You're driving me nuts.
I don't know what it is.
Never used to bother me, but as I get older, a fucking low tolerance for smells.
Probably from hanging around Randy my whole life, who smells like complete shit.
There you go.
Oh, God, that's bad.
Jesus Christ, how is that even possible? It's bigger than you are, for Christ's sake! Oh, fuck! Ricky's grandson doesn't stand a goddamn chance.
Not just because he's named after a motel, but because Ricky's helping to raise him.
People forget that Lucy and I had a kid a few years back.
Baby Randy.
Ah, frig! But when it became clear that I was no longer welcome and that Ricky was going to be raising him, I said frig that! I wanted him to have a chance at a better life.
So I told Lucy I wanted to put him up for adoption.
And she thought it'd be the best thing for him too.
Now she's talking about having another baby! Unbelievable! Bubbles, where are you coming from? Are those carts stolen? How many times have we been through this, Randy? When the fucking things are down over the bank, they don't belong to anyone! Just because someone doesn't have them in their possession doesn't mean they still don't own them, Bubbles.
Oh, really, Randy? Almost like if somebody got something fucking repossessed, and then some slime-covered bitch bought it at a fucking discount while the person was trying to save up to get it back? Is that what you mean? Fuck off! Randy thinks he's so fucking big ever since he became supervisor.
He makes a couple bucks and first thing he does, goes and buys my old shed that Eons took back from me.
Buys a great big boom box that he knows I was eyeing up at Zellers.
He's being a fucking arsehole, if you ask me.
But I can't focus on that shit.
There's too many too many good things happening.
The cart business is going to start booming again, I can feel it in my bones.
The market's going to get hot and I'll be selling these silver bitches as fast as I can fix them.
Oh, yeah! And I'm practicing up for this thing right here: Open mic contest at the Legion.
Look at that.
$1000 grand prize.
Plus, if I win, I get to compete in the Legionals.
Maybe even do the whole Legion circuit.
I mean that's a big deal, obviously.
You know, I'd be I'd be clocking road strange every night of the week.
And I don't mean the regular old load lizards you see hanging around the parking lot.
I'd be getting some quality scrunt.
That's a nice bud, isn't it? Grampy grew that.
Maybe when you get older, you can help Grampy grow dope.
The other thing you've got to learn is the difference between weed and hash.
See, this one here, that's weed.
Smell that.
Yeah, that's strong, isn't it? This is hash.
Doesn't that smell nice? There's my little man! Thanks for looking after him, Dad.
Of course, Sweetie.
Hi! Listen, Luce.
I know I fucked up, even though I didn't smoke dope or drink, which is true.
I been just doing all this thinking and and my thoks are saying that maybe I'm scared to have a whole 'nother baby thing.
Yeah, well, I know you're scared but maybe we could be scared together, you know? The other problem is I don't even know if it's possible.
Like Mo's our gram-son.
So, if we have another baby, is it, like, the brother of the uncle of I'm the father What the fuck are you? Like, what It's fine, it's fine.
It's okay.
If it's what you really want to do, I'll do it.
Don't make it sound like a chore.
Well, it sorta kinda is.
Like, banging for to make a baby is kinda lame.
Banging for to make a baby is a whole different kettle and dish from regular banging.
Like, you actually have to warm up and stretch.
It's all about the timing, how fucking hard you bang.
It just never ends up being as dirty as regular banging.
It's kind of lame.
It's like pumping gas it fucking takes forever and you're leaving your hose in there, and you just want it to end, and it never fucking ends.
It's lame.
Ricky, what the fuck are you talking about? Just doing some stretches over here, Bubbs.
Did you say you banged an 18-wheeler? No.
Your mother did, though.
Banging for to make dirty.
Will you do some of the crazy shit like we used to do? Really? Whatever you're up for.
Lucy, I would love to get some dirty, dirty, greasy shit going on with you.
It's been so long.
Dad! Sorry about that, Trin.
Listen, is there any way you and Mo could leave for a few hours because this afternoon I am bringing the fucking heat to your mother, like big-time.
If you guys are around, I won't be able to concentrate.
Gross.
Gross! It's not gross.
It's me and your mother.
It's cool.
It's awesome.
Bye.
Nope.
So, do you want to Yes! Let's fucking go right now! How the frig do these go? I don't want any of that stuff from last night with Ted showing up on the TV, guys.
I'm serious.
I was just doing my job.
Ah, for frig's sakes! Hey, Sarah.
How was jail? It's jail, Randy.
It fucking sucked.
What about Barb and Donna? Are they out too? I don't know and I don't care.
You know, jail's turned Barb into a bitch.
What happened to your chest? Oh, I read in a men's magazine that if you shave your chest, it makes you look thinner and more cut.
Mm-hmm.
And I've been playing the field a little bit and taking better care of myself now that I'm single.
Really? And I've been making Popsicle stick crafts and sometimes the Popsicle juice drips on my chest and makes me all sticky.
So I shaved it because of that too.
You know, you can buy those in bulk at the craft store.
Yeah, but that'd be cheating, Sarah.
If they don't have a Popsicle on them, they're not real Popsicle sticks.
Holy shit! Cory! My God! Is he dead? I don't know! Cory! Cory! Cory! - Cory! - Cory! Holy shit, Randy, call 911! Cory, look at me.
I think he's having a stroke.
I had a weed drink from Ricky.
Are you just really fucking high right now? Friggin' Ricky! I've had it with this shit! Du-u-ude! Scotty, where are you going? You don't got to leave, man.
Sorry about this, guys.
Why don't you head inside and grab a drink? Marguerite, free peanuts for everybody until this banging stops! Fuck.
Son of a bitch! Bubbs! Is this for fucking real? Oh, it's for real.
And he'd better gear down or he's going to break her hips.
Ricky, are you all right in there? Yes! All good, buddy! Just watching a movie with Lucy.
Watching a movie? Must be watching "Return of the Fuck Machine".
Ricky, close your window! You're scaring away my customers! My window's jammed! I can't really talk right now, Julian.
Sorry, buddy.
Grab your guitar, get up on stage, drown this out.
The Shitrockers aren't here till later.
I can't drown that out on my own.
Yeah-h-h! Get out here right now, Ricky! You almost killed Cory and turned him into a friggin' zombie! Why don't you fuck off, Randy! I'm kind of busy at the moment! Fuck yourself! Lucy? Is that you? Are you in there banging? Sarah? Oh, God, you're back from jail! How was it? It sucked.
What are you What are you doing and where are you staying? Seriously, Luce? Right now? Um, I thought maybe I could stay with you for a bit just, like, till I get my shit together or whatever.
- Sure! - No fucking way! Cool! Ricky, you can't be getting my employees stoned! I can't run the park with you interfering all the friggin' time! Are you fucked in the head, Randy? Seriously, I'm fucking busy here! Don't stop, don't stop - Oh, my God! - Lucy, that's gross! Fuck, I'm so glad to be home.
- Hi, Sarah.
- Hi, Bubbles.
Ricky, get the frig out here right now! The pants are coming off! My pants are already fucking off, you son of a bitch! You want a fucking piece of me? Why don't you fuck off, let the man do his banging? Frig off, Bubbles.
Frig off? You frig off.
You frig off! This is official park business.
I'm trying to do my job.
Oh, for fuck's sakes! Can everybody please shut the fuck up? I can't concentrate, and things are going soft on me in here! Thanks a lot! There you go, Randy.
Now he's losing his wood.
That's 'cause of you! It's not my fault! That's you, right there! Frig off! Randy, do up your pants.
My customers don't need to be seeing this shit! You fucking little dirty grandmother! Stop stepping on my toes, Julian.
Stepping on your toes? Who the fuck do you think you're talking Holy fuck! The wall collapsed! Jesus fucking Christ! Lucy, are you okay? Oh, my God! Lucy, are you under there? Yeah, she's fucking under here! She's She's stuck! Lucy, I'm trying to move my hips.
Hold on.
Are you okay? I can't move my mouth! I told you you should fucking come outside, Ricky.
Randy, get the fuck over Come on up close, I'll beat your fucking teeth in, you fucking idiot! Fuck! Bubbs, we gotta get in and get this shit of them.
Get it off me! Julian Just wait, Ricky! The whole fucking could come down! She's load-bearing.
She's pinned.
Call 911, Randy.
Do something! Fucking useless bitch! Go soft! Lucy, I'm trying but it still feels good.
- Stop making it feel good! - I can't move my mouth! Okay, just hold tight, Ricky.
They're here.
Thanks for coming, guys.
I'm Randy, trailer park supervisor.
Right back here! Here.
Hurry up! My friend's trapped under the trailer.
Go! Come on, we've got a structural breach.
Somebody's pinned.
Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for all the stuff you do, getting cats out of trees - and all the calendars and stuff.
- What happened here? Well, we were going through some old family photo albums and she kind of tripped and now her jaws of life are stuck on my little you know, whatever you want to fucking call it here.
Jesus.
I've been doing this job for a long time and I've never experienced anything like this situation before.
I mean, yeah, it was a little embarrassing.
Like, I just had a building fall on top of me and the firefighters were taking forever, and Ricky was like You know, and And mostly because the firefighter was a guy I used to bang and I didn't want Ricky to find out about it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Can I help you? Donna? Randy! How are you? Hi, Randy.
Good.
What's going on? Where are you going? Good.
Oh, we're just heading down to see Julian for just a little sec.
Sorry, can't let you in.
Only residents.
New park policy.
What? That's the new park policy, eh? - Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Well, we definitely have to see Julian.
So, what do you think, Candy? What I think we strip you fucking buck-naked, I strap you down on the fucking roof of my pussy-wagon and I drive around this park with your fucking little wiener swinging in the wind! And Randy, I fucking know it's small! It's fucking ridiculous! Frig off.
You're not getting in.
I'm closing the gate.
- We're fucking going.
- Hit it! Hey! You come back here! You come back here! All right, Cory, let me try this a different way.
How in the fuck does your little body fucking feel right now? What do you fucking feel in your fucking body? Well, it's like spiders and ants and tingly and stuff.
Okay, spiders and ants.
That's the kind of shit I need to fucking know right now.
You feel like you've got spiders and ants in you? Un-huh.
All over me, too, dude.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how fucking tired are you? Thirty-fucking-four? Cory, you can't go right to thirty-fucking-four.
That doesn't even give you a relative you know I'm going to have to cut way back on the fucking indica and up the sativa.
I need something with energy.
You know what we should try? Some fucking Sudy-feds.
That doesn't have energy in it, Ricky.
You can't start jamming Sudafed Boys, just shut the fuck up for a second, Ricky.
Here, you've got to counterbalance the weed with liquor.
Gulp that down, plug your nose.
Okay.
That's not going to work.
Dude, that's, like, rum.
Straight and shit! It's not tequila, dumb-ass.
Just gulp the shit down.
Sweetie! Hey, boys.
Are you going to pound us or what? I need to get poked.
Just give Baby, you said three hours ago! I'm horny! We're fucking busy, dummies.
Okay? Come on, it'll be quick.
Quick? There's two of you.
It's never quick when there's two of yous.
Fine.
Okay.
If you need us, we'll be in the bedroom, banging each other without you.
Again.
Julian, just send me in.
I can take care of these ladies.
Aww! I don't think someone like you can handle us, Bubbles.
Girls, Cory can't feel his fucking legs.
I'll be What does she mean, someone like me couldn't handle them? What does that mean, "someone like me"? Hey, boys! Oh, my fuck Barb, did you join a fucking bike gang or something? Hey, Barb, Donna! Candy.
Candy.
What can I do for you guys? Well, first of all, you can wipe that smug little grin off your pretty little face.
And second, you can have a quick gander at that.
I, uh, I'm contesting your purchase of the park.
Court's in 10 days.
I'm not What the fuck is this shit? I My company bought the park fair and square, Barb.
Oh, what? Your Your company that doesn't technically exist? And Jim signing the documents while he's soaking in a tub of liquor? I I don't know, but I don't think that's legal.
Look, I don't know what you think you're going to fucking accomplish by taking me to court but maybe we can talk about this some other time.
I suggest you take your fucking mitts off my woman before I Babe Ruth your head right off your motherfucking shoulders! Okay, fuck off, all right? Listen, I'll take you both on.
Yeah? And still have a hand left over to fucking rub one out! What are we going to do? Fucking fight? You're a chick.
We don't fight chicks.
You don't fight chicks? I'll fucking fight you right now.
Let's go! Fucking pretty boy! Pussies! Yeah, you're a fucking pussy! Ten sexy days, Julian.
I hope you don't mind, boys.
We're taking the fucking booze too.
Ahh.
Hey, hey, hey, give me the fucking booze! Give me that! And get out of here.
Here, you can stick this one up Randy's arse.
Go fuck yourself! You're fucked.
Did that really just happen, or did I take a bunch more mushrooms and I forgot I took them? What the fuck are we going to do about this? This is nothing, man.
Don't worry about it.
We're all right.
It's nothing.
It is not nothing, it's something.
It's nothing, Bubbs.
This is nothing! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck! Fuck off! Jesus Christ! Fuck.
Fuck off.