Trailer Park Boys s10e09 Episode Script

Thugged Out Gangsta Shit

I can't believe you're mad that I don't want greasy things involving you and some Hollywood film dummy to happen to our bed! Okay, I'm not mad.
It just would have been a lot more convenient for me to bang him here.
If you're not going to be enjoying it, an you're going to be thinking about me the whole time, why are you getting all fancied up like you're going to the fucking bars? What I look like has got nothing to do with it.
He paid $10,000.
The least I can do is chuck on some lipstick.
I don't know, Lucy.
I know we said this would be best for our family, best for baby Moe, but I don't know if this is a good idea.
You've got to make a decision.
First I was going to bang him, then I wasn't going to bang him.
It was like picking fucking petals off a daisy.
We made this decision together.
It's the deal.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It's just When I think about him banging you and you looking at him with that look you get in your eye.
I don't know.
It's fucking me up.
Listen Rick, that look that I get? That's for you.
Like, I have feelings for you.
I don't have feelings for Tom.
So no matter how big he is or how many times he bangs me or how hard or whatever That look is only for you.
Right? That's all I really needed to hear.
Sorry I'm being stupid.
I love you so much.
Love you too.
I hope he's not bigger than me.
'Kay? Good luck.
Are you ready, James? What's going on? It's time.
Where am I? Look at me.
What? Look at me.
What? You're going to be fine.
It's just the opium kicking in.
It's time to execute the mission as planned.
Let's go.
Heh.
Looky here, old Benson.
A lil' tool head, behind the tool shed.
Tom.
Yeah.
I want you to fuck the dog-shit out of her.
Okay.
Doggy style.
You got it.
And be ready by 3 o'clock.
Okay.
3 o'clock I'll be ready and I'll think about you.
You better be.
Okay.
Bubbles, what's up, baby? Hey, Snoop, how you doing? I'm good, man.
Hit that shit one time.
I'm still pretty pumped up from yesterday.
Man, you killed that shit, baby.
Listen You think you guys could stay one more day maybe? Tsss Unfortunately I can't, dawg.
Not even, like, just one day? It wouldn't, you know, hurt.
I wish I could but I got to get back to LA.
I got shit to do.
Oh just You crying, dawg? I'm not crying.
I'm just I'm going to miss you guys, you know, with all the dope and the bitches and whatnot.
You're the coolest guy I ever met.
I just don't want you to go.
Look here, man.
Just 'cause I'm leavin' don't mean I can't come back.
I got a jet, a whole bunch of money and a trip back to Sunnyvale? Psh, it ain't nathan.
Really? You promise you'll come back and see me? We family now, nephew.
I'm comin' back to fuck with you.
Matter of fact, I got something for you.
Check it out.
Walk with me.
What is it? Come on, man, just Close your eyes.
Now open the motherfuckers.
Holy sweet flying piss cocks! All for you, baby.
That's yours.
A 62-band graphic legalizer, dub bass expander, Snoop tech, brought to you by Yours Truly.
That's for me? That's for you.
It's a ghetto blaster for a ghetto motherfucker.
See, that's a ghetto blaster for your motherfucking ass.
Oh my God, that's the fucking nicest thing I've ever seen in my life! I want you to enjoy every minute of it.
I want you to turn it up loud.
I want you to turn this motherfucking trailer park inside out.
Oh my God.
Thanks, Snoop.
No, thank you, man, for being a hell of a person.
Who's got your bizzle? Ha ha ha! Oh, come on, man! That shit too much, right there.
Come on, now, stop with that.
I got Snoop's bizzle! It's never been more clear to me.
Julian and I cannot co-exist in this world together! If it looks clear to you, truly clear, you would understand that someone needs to die.
Die? That's the only way any of us are going to be truly free! Okay! Okay.
Let's go.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's go.
I'll drive.
Like hell.
Shotgun! Shotgun! Get it! This how you crank the lows right here.
That's that bass for your face.
Damn! - Decent! - Bubs! Julian, check it out.
Holy fuck Snoop gave it to me.
Now how much would something like that be worth now? You fuck right off with "what's it worth?"! It's not getting sold, ever! So you're flying out today, man? Yeah, I got to get out of here.
I got to go take care of some business.
All right, okay, I went to the lawyer's office, right? He's going to make up this partnership agreement.
It's like a letter of intent that you intend on investing in Sunnyvale.
Just gotta sign right there, man.
Shit, you know I plan on doing that, baby.
Right on.
Yes! It's all official now.
Cheers, man.
Right on.
Cool.
Thank you.
This is going to be good.
Yes sir.
All right.
Oh Ah, yeah, I just want to ask you about Got any, like, start-up capital? To get things going.
How much? Five grand.
For real? Yeah.
Why? Is that too much? Pssh, I thought you was going to ask for some real money, man.
Five G's ain't shit to a pimp.
Hold on one second.
What about seven? Is that too much? I owe Ricky money.
He's kind of fucking whining about it, right? You know what? Take ten.
Yeah? Yeah.
Right on! Cheers, man.
- Yeah! - Snoop! I've finally perfectioned I've got some weird shit going on.
I want to get fucked out of my mind today, me and you! Let's get it.
My fucking brain just keeps repeat-ling everything.
I've fucking got to shut it down.
Heh, heh, heh.
What? You still mad at me? What the fuck do you think? Look, man.
Rick.
You and Lucy fucking figure this out yourselves, okay.
I had nothing to do with it.
It was all fucking Sarah.
All right? It cancels itself out.
What cancels out? It cancels out, man.
Is that how that works, Bubs? Well, technically, Ricky, you know, with the reversal of things and you know Yeah Look, here, brah.
I threw 50 bucks interest in there too.
Right, we cool? Right on! Awesome, man! Okay, Bubs, we've got to go.
I don't want that shit, man, I'm too busy.
I can't take that, Ricky.
I'll shit myself.
It's me and you.
Ready to get smiley? Let's get it, baby.
- Ugh! - Yeah! This is so great, Lucy.
I can't believe it! So greasy.
I mean Rick and I banged in the bathroom here, like, once.
I don't know how this is the full Sunnyvale experience that you keep talking about, but Oh, no, no, no! I don't want to bang you in here.
I just thought we'd stop by for What does Ricky call them? Sweet and power chicken balls, you know? The good kind.
Eight bucks.
Chicken fingers is what they're called.
Listen, can we just please just go somewhere and get this over with? Oh my God! That's so great! You're nagging me like you nag Ricky! Oh, this is so real! I love it! Let's go! Hey, it's the dick shit! Hey, what's up, you fucker? Hey, man.
Here, have some.
No, I'm good.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh! What are you? Some kind of pussy? Huh? What? Pu I'm not a fucking pussy! Puss puss puss puss puss puss puss! Oh, this is what you do, is it? Yeah! Give me here! Pussy There you go.
Well, I've got the five grand.
Ooh, five grand! Five grand! Oh my God This could quite possibly do the trick! Possibly? What the fuck do you mean, possibly? It's not an exact science but I do know we have Judge Reynolds today! Which could be a very good thing for us, yeah? What's Judge Reynolds' story? Oh, he's an old party slut from back in the '70s, you know? He never lost his penchant for hookers with big floppy tits and the old happy dust, but who hasn't? Yeah, five grand could buy a hell of a good weekend for that wrinkly old prick! Right on! Well, good luck.
Just get a hold of us when you're done.
Buh, buh, buh No, no, what? You still have to go to the courthouse.
What? Yeah! Why? Look, I'm bribing a judge here.
Okay? I'm not buying you safe passage out of Bangkok.
You have to pretend it's a real court case.
I'm not going to fucking court! Have to.
Well, I don't, You No, no, no! You do have to go.
If I'm doing this, you're going to court with me.
Damn straight! Now, listen.
I'm going down to the courthouse to meet up with Reynolds.
So I'll meet you wad-gobblers inside.
Yes? Ins Buh, buh, buh, buh Give me that.
Wish me luck! See you down there! Good luck.
Now I'm fucking baked! You'll be okay.
Where the fuck is Steinberg? Maybe he's out back blowing rails off hookers' tits with Judge Reynolds.
Smarten up, man! That could be good for us.
Julian, I'm baked out of my goddamn mind.
No shit.
Oh, I'm in that mood.
I feel like fucking around Keep it together! Can't stop myself! And don't forget to have your pets spayed and neutered.
I'm Bob Barker, everybody! Smarten up! Please rise! Court is now in session.
Okay, Jeffrey Dahmer.
Shut up, Bubbs! The Honourable Judge Priscilla Hood presiding.
The fuck is he talking about? That's not Judge Reynolds.
Jesus Christ! Please be seated.
My God All right, now.
In the matter of Barbara Lahey vs.
GFY Investments.
Ah, excuse me, Your Honour.
Our lawyer's not here yet.
So could we I'm very well aware your lawyer is not here.
Your lawyer is currently on his way to jail for trying to bribe a judge in front of a security camera.
What? Oh, let me guess.
You didn't know that your lawyer offered $3,000 to Judge Reynolds to sway his decision? Three? So I will proceed.
Unless you have any other greasy options you'd care to pursue.
Uh, no, we're good.
I can't believe we're here! It's nice.
Well I didn't want it to be too nice, because of the effect.
You hear that? Oh my gosh, we're in the right place.
You can't write that.
There you go, my lady.
Ugh.
No cameras in here.
Sorry.
Crazy! I can't believe that greasy fuck tried to skim two grand off the fucking bribe! Well, I don't think the fact that your greasy fucking lawyer tried to keep a couple of thousand bucks for himself is really the issue here.
What the fuck are we going to do? I don't know! But Snoop can't find out about this, man.
We've got to get him the fuck out of the park so that we can figure this shit out.
Maybe you should just tell him the truth, Julian.
Do you ever fucking think that? The truth is fucked, Bubs! If he finds out we don't own the park, he's not going to give us any more money.
You're going to try to grease more money out of Snoop Dogg? Bubs, we're fucked! Do you understand? The park is gone.
Snoop's our only hope for fucking Freedom 45, man.
Well, I just don't like fucking over my friends, okay? Snoop Doggy Do-o-o-gg I am way more fucked up than I probably should be, man! Holy fuck, it's awesome but we're going to feel like this for 26, 28 hours.
What the fuck are you talking about, Rick? Well, how many did we do? How many hours is this going to be? What, you think the more we drink, the more we're going to be fucking stoned for even more hours? What? What the fuck? But that's the way it should work.
It just adds hours on but it doesn't feel it.
It just feels like it's fucking me up even more the more we do.
Yeah, it's fucking you up five times as much more, man, you fuck! We need to roll up one and smoke some to level this shit off.
Oh, yeah! Good idea.
Yeah.
I should get some hash.
Oh! No, you need to sit down somewhere, man.
Don't stand up.
Recline, you hear me? I'm not going to try that.
Okay, I've got to get back over here.
I'mma blow one for the po' one.
There you go.
You surfboard now, ride that shit.
There you go, Rick.
Surfboard on they motherfucking ass.
Oh, yeah Got my mind on my money, and my money on my mind.
Randy! Where the fuck is he? I can just open the gate.
What the fuck were you doing? Obviously not your goddamn fucking job! Sorry, Julian.
I can't exactly control when I need to have a bowel movement.
Do what you're supposed to do or you're fired! Well, go ahead, fire me, then! Do you want me to fucking fire you, huh? Huh? Just Ricky, what are you doing? It's like the Luke Skytalker's thing that just It hovers, man.
Oh, my God.
You didn't drink all of those? Snoop drank most of them, man.
I dropped one or two, maybe three.
Oh, my God, Ricky, get up! I'm fine.
I think seven is too much.
Much too much.
But, hey, I love it.
Fucked up, baby.
Seven of them.
One of these could take down a fucking horse.
Shit.
So, Snoop, what time you guys rolling out? We supposed to be dipping out as soon as Tom finishes taking his dick in.
No offence.
None taken.
My nipples, boys, they feeling like diamond fucking erasers.
It's all I can feel right now.
I'm fucked up too, Rick.
I might have to stay extra day or two.
Yeah, ha ha! Yeah, that'd be awesome if you stayed! Yeah.
Stay, man? I don't know, man.
We got the fucking fog rolling in.
Fog? Yeah, Nova Scotia fog.
When it rolls in, man, it fucks everything up.
Shuts down the airports.
You'll be here for days.
I'd love to have you, man, but I don't know if you want to be stuck here for a few more days.
Hello? TNA, motherfucker.
Change of plans.
We got to roll out.
They got some Nova Scotia fog bullshit I'm not trying to get caught up in.
Yeah, hit me back, quick and fast.
Bubbs, rub it.
Just rub it.
It's fucking awesome.
Bubs, don't rub his nipples, man.
- Hello? - Fuck off, Ricky.
Doug? Yeah, holla at me.
Yeah, just come, pick me up on the way out.
There's going to be one more person in the jet, though.
JROC's heart it's true, he's a pal and a confidant.
And I will always thank him for being a friend.
But Doug Benson, he lives in a deluxe apartment in the sky.
So, I mean it's Hollywood.
Ready to go to Hollywood? ¡Sí, sí! Ha ha ha! Eh ¡Vámonos! I used to think that being trailer park supervisor was all I ever really wanted but I just don't know.
Things were just so much simpler when I was the assistant trailer park supervisor and Mr.
Lahey was What the frig? Fuck you, Randy! Friggin' bitches! Shit, it's time to go.
Let's roll, ladies.
Julian, isn't there something you want to tell Snoop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, man, we should, uh, we should talk about the rest of the money you're going to invest, right? You know? And when you can get it to us.
Because I'm thinking about the big picture here, man.
Like, I'm thinking about maybe taking the money and build a brand new trailer park.
You know, a bigger one, a better one.
Brand new trailer park? For what? You've got the best motherfucking trailer park in the world right here.
This is trailer park heaven, baby.
Jesus Christ! Hey, Julian! Mmm, nice tits, Barb.
Oooh.
Those tits are mine, baby.
Mm, mm, mm! Sorry, Julian.
It's not my fault.
They broke through the gate.
You're lucky I didn't break through you, fucknut.
You're fired.
Fired? Yeah, you're fucking fired.
You're useless.
That's perfect! That's just one less thing that I have to do.
Gentlemen, as required by law, I hereby give you 30 days to pack up all your shit and get it the fuck out of my trailer park.
Her park? What the fuck? What's happening? Yeah, man I didn't want to say anything because I thought I could keep shit under control.
I tried to bribe a judge this morning, man, and it didn't work out.
So you had me invest in a trailer park that you don't even own? And you tried to bribe a fucking judge? Yeah, man, I'm sorry.
Sorry! Now that's some thugged out gangsta shit and I fucks with it.
Snoop, so you know, I had nothing to do with it.
I wanted him to tell you the truth.
He wouldn't listen to me.
Look, let me tell you something.
When I said I wanted to invest in the park, I meant you.
All of y'all.
Shit, I could buy 20 motherfucking trailer parks and call them Sunnyvale.
But it don't matter.
It's about the people.
Like it or not, you motherfuckers is family and I consider y'all my family.
So once you all get this bullshit fiasco together, y'all give me a holler.
I'm in.
Bubs, let me holler at you.
Make sure you take care of this shit and you get back with me.
A'ight? Give me some.
Okay.
Yeah! Till we meet again.
All right.
See you.
Barb, look, you can't do this.
You can't do this.
Please.
Please don't evict us.
You know what? I can, and I am.
Look, Barb You know what, Julian? It feels really great to be the one that's doing the fucking.
Aah! I'm so fucked! Fuck is that? Fuck, he's coming in hot.
I love you, Julian! Holy fuck! He tried to kill us! Jim, what the hell are you doing? Lahey, what the fuck are you doing? I've come to blow the fucking place up, Julian! Kama Sutra, bud! Fuck! It's covered in gas! Smell it! Oh, my God! Why do you guys get so banged up when you get on the liquor? Listen, man No, you fucking listen, Julian! You fucking listen to me for once, bud! Jim, calm the fuck down.
I am calm the fuck down, Julian.
I'm compete-ly at piss.
Because one of us has to go for good, bud.
Oh, God.
The fuck are you talking about? I was out.
It took everything in my soul, everything I had in my fucking soul, to leave.
And you pulled me back again, Julian.
I didn't pull you back in! Julian, you pulled me back in.
Mr.
Lahey! Mr.
Lahey! I've been living a lie, saying that I don't need you.
But I do.
And you need me, Mr.
Lahey.
Yeah? We need to be together, like Batman and Robin, the original one from the 1960s.
Randy! So what do you say, Mr.
Lahey? Can we be together forever? I'd like that, bud.
It's going to be all right.
Give me the gun, Jim.
- Frig off! - Put the gun down! Fuck! Jesus, Leslie! Oh, oh! Oh, God! Oh, my God! Ricky's hit! Ricky! Ricky! Somebody call the fucking ambulance! Somebody call a fucking ambulance! Rick! Would you fuck off with the fucking camera! Whoa.
Tom, thinking about it was one thing but, now that we're actually here, I don't think I can bang you.
I'm sorry, I just Lucy, I was never going to bang you.
I mean, not that you're not smokin' hot and I'd love to do dirty, dirty things to you but I'm kind of happily married.
And just the fact that you would even say you would bang me Oh my God, that's such an honour! And that's enough for me.
Fuck.
All right, that's a relief.
No offence but, like No.
There is one thing that I'm going to ask you to do for me.
All right, well Nothing greasy! Oh.
Look.
Take that.
I want Trinity to have the most amazing wedding ever.
You know, a person's first wedding, that's an important one.
I I can't take this.
Like, I haven't done anything.
Are you kidding me? I'm dressed like Ricky, I've been driving that shitbox car all over the place, I got to know Bubbles and Julian and I'm in a crappy motel talking about banging Lucy, with Lucy! Oh, my gosh, this has been the best ever! Just don't tell Ricky that I'm a softie.
Okay? Okay.
Okay, now I'm becoming a hardie.
All right! Okay, I'm sorry.
The track pants and the mallet, it's hard to hide it, you know.
All right.
Well Listen, do you think I'll see you guys again some day? I mean, that would be nice, right? That would be nice, right? Oh! Thank you.
You know, hypothetical.
If you'd have met me before you met Ricky, do you think that there's any chance that you and I would've Lucy, you've got to stop what you're doing! Luce! Yeah? What the fuck do you want? Lucy, you've got to come with me.
Okay, I've got to go.
Go ahead.
I'm going to stay.
I I paid for the room Going to stay here, and jerk off.
I can't fucking believe this.
I can't believe it.
I should have been in there right on him.
I should have did something.
I could have saved him.
Bubs, there's nothing anybody could have done, okay? Folks.
Ricky is alive.
Oh, thank God.
Okay.
But I'm afraid it's not good news.
What? What do you mean? The bullet fragment entered the edge of the temporal lobe but we're unable to retrieve it.
I've never seen anything like it.
He is breathing on his own but there's been no brain activity since he came in.
He shouldn't be alive.
Oh, my God! Just wait, Ricky's brain's not very active on the best of days.
Just so you know.
And he was really, really high when he got hit.
Could that be affecting it, maybe? What do you mean, no brain activity? I mean none.
I'm very sorry.
My God.
What's a temporal lobe? It's a very important part, Cory.
Not a good time to be stupid, bud.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck! Fuck off! Jesus Christ! Fuck.