Trial & Error (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

The Suitcase

1 [SIREN CHIRPS, CAR DOOR CLOSES] Approaching Rolls-Royce, license plate "PECKER1".
Ma'am? Is there a problem, Officer? Uh, you were driving 95 in a 30.
Was I? Oh.
I can't see a damn thing in these sunglasses.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, much better.
Thank you for pulling me over.
I'm Lavinia Peck-Foster.
I know who you are.
Everyone knows who you are.
You bought the police department our uniforms.
Well, I can't have our boys in brown looking like turds.
Uh, why don't I just write you a warning? I'll tell you what save the paper, and I'll consider myself warned.
Okay, Ms.
You get home safely.
You too.
[ENGINE REVS] Oh, uh, also, your taillight is out.
Put it in the warning! Ta-ta.
Uh also, you have a dead body in your trunk.
Oh, for [BLEEP] sake, put it in the warning.
- No, no, no! - [TIRES SQUEAL] Lavinia Peck-Foster, the beloved First Lady of East Peck, has been arrested for the murder of her beloved husband, Edgar, who was found dead in a suitcase in the trunk of her beloved car.
For more on the town's reaction, we go to Associate Mayor Hayes Dinkins.
Like all Peckers, this morning I am numb.
Lavinia is more than just a beautiful woman with an unparalleled sense of fashion.
Her family name is literally emblazoned on every square inch of this town a town that her ancestors built with their own 200 to 300 workers.
So, today, we ask all Peckers to come together and pray that Lavinia Peck-Foster hires the best lawyer her vast fortune can afford.
Am I surprised Lavinia Peck-Foster hired me to defend her? Not at all.
The fact is, we're undefeated in murder trials.
- You're coming home.
- Thank you, Josh.
Last year was, uh, a totally different situation.
You know, I was an outsider from New York a "Northeasterner," as the locals say.
He's a Northeasterner.
- Oh.
- Witch! JOSH: But after the big win, I decided to move here, and I'm hoping to be a transplanted Pecker.
Best part is, I still have my winning team.
- Hey, Anne.
- Sweet Jesus! - [THUD] - Aah! Oh! [WHIMPERING] ANNE: Oh, you noticed.
I have a condition called "The Jumping Frenchmen of Maine," where I leap to extreme heights when startled.
It's very common if you're a Frenchman and from Maine.
Did you want something? [BELLS JINGLE] Attention all units, we have a 10-64 at the taxidermist.
Officer stoked to have the team back together again! ANNE: Dwayne! [CHUCKLES] JOSH: Dwayne Reed is my lead investigator.
He's also currently working with the EPPD.
Usually that would be a conflict of interest, but I got a feeling I'll be getting him back full time soon.
This is a Glock 17.
Now, I am the only one in this room professional enough to handle a Glock 17.
- [GUNSHOT] - Oh! Mother[BLEEP] Aaaah! [BLEEP] So, who's our new murderer? Lavinia Peck-Foster.
Oh, no [BLEEP] way.
I quit.
What's wrong? If we lose this case, Lavinia's so loved, we're gonna get run out of town on a stake, and I'm afraid of stakes.
Plus, the Pecks and the Reeds have been feuding forever.
In fact, it was the Pecks that connected the name "Reed" with "feces," gave us the expression, "Oh, you stepped in Reed," and, "Dang, somebody take a Reed in here?" I'm about to meet my client for the first time.
Now, I can't imagine it's easy for someone of Lavinia Peck-Foster's stature to spend a night in jail, so I smuggled in a small package of cookies just as a gesture to let her know someone cares.
Peck-Foster, I am Josh Segal, your lawyer.
I brought you these cookies, but I see that you're covered.
Nonsense, Lawyer.
You can never have enough Lorna Du-ah-nes.
Anyway, it's a it's a real honor to meet you.
The honor is mine.
You're the one that got off that murderer Larry Henderson.
We had a video of an owl killing Larry's wife, and yet 80% of people in East Peck still think Larry was guilty.
In fairness, he didn't help his cause.
- [BUZZER] - [JOSH CLEARS THROAT] So, tell me what happened the night Edgar was killed.
It was the best night of the year the Peck Gala.
Edgar disappeared during the party.
Not unusual.
I went looking for him, and the officer found him in my trunk.
Very unusual.
[VOICE BREAKING] Lawyer Lavinia.
I'm so sorry.
My last client was a hugger, and I just get this feeling that you may not be.
It's just that I feel foolish crying in front of a stranger.
I-I've never been alone.
Well, I am not a stranger, and you are not alone.
Why would someone do this? Let it out.
Let it out.
[CRYING] Whyyyyyy?! Why?! It's great to be back.
Lot of good memories in this courthouse like when the judge overturned my client's guilty verdict and when an extra Twix fell out of the vending machine.
Ohh, yes! [CHUCKLES] There's another good memory.
That's Carol Anne Keane, the Assistant DA who I'll be going up against.
[WHISPERS] It's not the first time I've gone up against her.
[MOANING] [THUD] Hey, cut that last part.
Really crass.
I haven't seen you in a while.
Forgive me if I'm a little cocky.
What about your little cocky? Oh [BLEEP] JOSH: Did I do that baby in you? If I do the math, we were together seven months ago, and that seems like around seven months' worth of baby.
Don't flatter yourself.
You were not the only man in my equation.
As you recall, I was also dating Rutger.
- Hey, so one-in-two chance.
- Hm.
Can you give me a ballpark? Was it a baseball team? I'll tell you what, if she comes out whining, we'll know she's yours.
A wittle girl? Oh, for heaven's sakes, you just made it throw up inside me.
You won your lottery with this case.
I don't expect you to win the baby lottery, also.
What is that supposed to mean? Oh, you get Lavinia Peck-Foster off, and you will be a hero in this town.
Hell, they'll probably build you a statue.
There's plenty of room since most of the statues had to be torn down.
I don't care about being a hero.
Besides, you're running for DA.
Don't tell me you're not excited to prosecute a high-profile case like this.
It is 100% horse-Reed that I have to take this case.
The District Attorney, Atticus Ditto Jr.
, assigned it to me because I'm running against him for DA and he's trying to pin me with convicting the most popular person in town.
Or worse, losing so he can portray me as a woman who is weak on crime.
Well, guess what.
I refuse to be defined by my gender.
- We love you, Lavinia! - Free Lavinia! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Excuse me.
What happened to Judge Horsedich? She's a woman, so it's against the law.
Which law? DWAYNE: The East Peck Lady Laws of 1952 were way ahead of their time.
For example, a woman is not allowed to publicly judge another woman.
Also, a female cannot drive a vehicle without a man with a red flag in front warning other drivers.
The Lady Laws are for women, about women.
We don't have Horsedich, but I'm actually relieved since I was always afraid of mispronouncing her name.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] - Oh, come on.
All rise.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING] Yes, Your Honor, the people are.
I'm sorry, say again? [HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING] I'm so sorry, Judge I want to say "Gaminshov"? I apologize, Judge Kamiltow, but opposing counsel is not a Pecker.
Excuse me, I just bought a house on Peck Road.
Alexander Kamiltow, and no one hears it.
And may I further say, I would like to thank the entire town for their support.
I know this has been a very difficult time for all of us, but I believe in the trial system, and this court will remain unfair and biased.
Oops! Fair and biased.
Oops! Fair and unbiased.
Thank you.
- Oh, thank you! - Thank you.
Your Honor, we all appreciate the contributions the Peck family has made to our great town.
However, murder is illegal, even among the wealthiest Peckers, and that is exactly what Lavinia Peck-Foster did the night of October 12th, when she brutally killed her husband, Edgar.
Edgar's body was found in the trunk of Ms.
Peck-Foster's car with fresh water in his lungs.
Edgar's blood spatter by the pool indicates Ms.
Peck-Foster struck him there, then she drowned him, then was caught trying to dispose of the body in a 1965 Rolls and a 1982 suitcase.
Last year, Carol Anne Keane asked for a $93 million bail.
Even if she is carrying twin boys, there's no way she has the balls to ask for something that high again.
The people request bail of $300 million.
[SPECTATORS GASP] That's a load of Reed.
I can hear you.
[SIGHS] I'll give you $10.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING] Uh, wh-what? [SCOFFS] Your Honor can't be serious.
Can you read that back? "Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
What? Your Honor can't be serious.
" No, right before that.
Bail is set at $10.
Bail was set at $10.
I actually don't have $10.
[HIGH-PITCHED, INDISTINCT TALKING] JOSH: And it was paid for by the judge.
- Here you go.
- Thank you, Alex.
[GAVEL BANGS] We're off to a pretty good start here, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.
Josh? The statue guy wants to know if you still want to go with this one.
Anne, that was obviously a joke.
[CHUCKLES] [WHISPERS] Tell him yes.
JOSH: Hey.
Hey, hey.
Wait up.
I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite.
Josh, what do you want me to say? Huh? What, that you and I should get married, raise a child together, buy a five-acre estate in Peck Woods where I'll build a treehouse and you'll make hot cocoa, and once a week we'll have a segment on "Good Morning East Peck" where we debate the law called "The Legal Segals"? Wow, you really thought that out.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm gonna be a Pecker now.
Buying a house in town doesn't change the fact that you're an outsider.
You can't become a Pecker.
You got to have Pecker in you.
Trust me, I know a thing or two about having Pecker in me.
Why do you always have to get crass when things get real? Why do you talk like you have a [BLEEP] in your nose? I have a deviated septum! Ugh.
Never mind.
I was just trying to help.
If you want to help someone, help your murderer, because I am not gonna lose this time.
And I will never take help from you or from any man.
Flag boy! Chop-chop.
- [ENGINE STARTS] - Lady driver! Lady driver coming through! Lady driver coming through! [BELLS JINGLE] Wow.
You already got some good clues.
This is something else.
What happened to your leg? Oh, I had the taxidermist sew my toe back on.
Turns out you need a pinkie toe for balance.
- [RADIO CHATTER] - Freeze, mother[BLEEP] Wall, wall, wall! [BLEEP] - [BELLS JINGLE] - Morning.
We're really close to solving this thing.
I'm sorry I told you yesterday that we had no chance in hell of winning.
- You never told me that.
- Then who did I tell? Hm.
I must've just been thinking it.
Well, all right, guys.
Let's break out the murder board.
[CHANTING] Murder board, murder board, murder - No chanting? - You can't force it, Josh.
I'm just gonna move the baby board.
BOTH: [CHANTING] Baby board, baby board, baby board, baby board.
What do we know? Lavinia was found with Edgar's body in her trunk at 1:00 a.
What time did the gala end? I was the last to leave at 11:00.
That means Lavinia had two hours to have murdered Edgar.
Not unless she killed him earlier.
The watch Edgar was wearing the night he died stopped at 8:15 p.
You're wearing Edgar's watch? - Yeah.
- That's evidence.
- Isn't that illegal? - Josh, I'm a cop.
Nothing's illegal.
Oh, man.
Forgot my wallet.
All right.
[GUNSHOT] Hello, Mr.
[SIGHS] Let me see that.
There's There's water in Edgar's watch.
I bet it stopped when he hit the pool.
This could be time of death.
If he was killed at 8:15, that means the murderer was at the party.
Everyone in this town is a suspect.
Except for Josh.
[WHISPERS] He wasn't invited.
Okay, I'm sure I was invited.
She probably just had my old address.
- She sent my invite to the office.
- Mine too.
My brother-cousin got a plus-one.
He brought his chinchilla.
The point is, if Lavinia did kill him at her own party, there would have been way too many witnesses.
I mean, this is our first big break.
Anne, put time of death on the murder board.
ALL: [CHANTING] Murder board, murder board! Murder board, murder board, - murder board, murder board! - [BELL JINGLING] Yeah, let's celebrate.
Drinks are on Edgar! - You also took his wallet? - Yeah.
Now that we know Edgar was murdered during the gala, we need to visit the crime scene.
If Peck Gardens is even close to the size of a normal house, it would be impossible to murder someone at a crowded party without witnesses.
[GASPS] I hope you weren't waiting long.
Houseboy usually answers the door, but he went for a run and must have gotten lost somewhere in this house.
Hey, who's this cute little guy? Is this your son? Oh, no.
That's Edgar.
Sadly, children were the one thing Edgar couldn't give me.
Or anything on the top shelf of a cabinet.
Could you show us where you murdered him? - Dwayne! - Sorry.
Where you drownded him? Dwayne why don't you go have a look around with Anne? - Can I see your pool? - Of course.
If we're going to the pool, I just need to change into something a bit more appropriate.
That's not necessary.
Just to warn you, since Edgar died, I haven't had much time to do any "landscaping," so the shrubbery might be a bit overgrown.
If you know what I mean.
Thank God.
She was talking about actual shrubbery.
Anyway, I was hoping the pool would be closer to the house, but No! What? I'm taking a dip.
This is a crime scene, Mrs.
- Says who? - Says the police! Come on in.
[CHUCKLES] A little dippy-dip.
Oh! Little dip-doo.
Plus, I don't even have a bathing suit.
Everyone is born with a bathing suit.
[SPLASH] There are two things Reeds don't trust doctors, Pecks, and math.
I know she's hiding something.
I just don't know where.
Dwayne, look behind you.
A maze! Oh, well, well, well.
Looks like my experience solving puzzles on place mats at fancy restaurants is about to pay for itself.
Lawyer, what do you know about loss? Well, I forgot to take my phone out of my pocket, so I was just a little girl when my father died.
That morning, Mother brought me to the big window.
She pointed to where Father was standing on the roof.
I said, "Why is Father standing on the roof?" You have to understand, I was an inquisitive child.
She said, "Just wave," so I did.
[CHUCKLES] He waved back.
Then he jumped to his death.
Lavinia, I am so sorry.
I swear, I can still hear his scream.
[MAN SCREAMS] Annie! Annie! I left you for one minute.
I took a wrong turn and got scared.
I have a confession usually, I just take the crayon and go right to the middle.
Dwayne, honey, I'm going to talk to you the way I talk to my daughter.
You get your black ass up.
It's time to go home.
First Father, then Mother, then my brother, then Edgar? Oh, Lawyer.
I feel like I'm jinxed.
JOSH: Lavinia is probably the richest person I've ever met.
Yet she has no one to share it with.
Hey! No one wants to be alone whether they want to admit it or not.
Oh, sweet pea, please find someplace other than my bladder to practice kicking.
[SIGHS] JOSH: There's no way Lavinia would kill the last person she cared about.
As long as I represent her, she won't be alone, because I won't let her down.
Oh, God! What is wrong with this pool? Nothing.
It's a saltwater pool.
Lavinia, this is amazing! I know.
This water and several rejuvenations have given me the body of a debutante.
I've had more lasers pointed at my privates than James Bond.
[SIGHS] Very soon we need to talk about boundaries.
They found fresh water in Edgar's lungs, which means he wasn't killed in that pool.
So, either Lavinia killed Edgar somewhere else right in the middle of their party, then came back and threw him in her trunk, or she was framed.
Oh, I knew she didn't do it.
DWAYNE: Anne, you did it! You got us to the middle.
Always trust a mother.
I was trying to get us out.
Hey, looky here.
What are you hiding, July V.
MDCCXIV? Do I want a statue? I do not.
Do I want to be called a Pecker? Maybe.
Did I make a mistake taking on the biggest case of my life? Absolutely not.
[DWAYNE SCREAMS] There's dead bodies in the maze! [SCREAMS] Hopefully not.