Truckers (2013) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
1 MUSIC: "The Walk" by Jimmy McCracklin You then walk Then you walk Now you walk Keep on walking Keep on walking That's the walk That's the walk That's the walk Steven.
Hello, Hanna.
Mum, are we on fire? No.
We're not.
Now go and watch telly.
Not on fire yet.
Have you just been at one? Literally.
If you get close, I think you might still smell the smoke on me.
Wait, wait, wait! I've got an idea! What you doing? I want to jump off.
What? I'm in a burning building.
I'm on fire and I'm half dressed.
It's the middle of the night and you're passing and you happen to have an erection.
Plus you're a fireman so it's a sort of a moral dilemma for you.
Then you realise, if I jump accurately, then you can, er, you know, save the day and You serious? What? Come on, let's just put the helmet on again.
I was virtually at the vinegar stroke.
I want to jump from the building, Steven! I've had a shit, awful day, so don't spoil it, all right? Fine.
Right.
Geronimo, then.
This is so good.
Mum, Peppa Pig's finished! Go on the Planner, then.
All right.
Given you your strength back, has it? I can't.
I told you I've got to get going.
But I thought we'd have a romantic night in.
I got a copy of Les Mis.
And some new sex toys.
You've got to put the kids first, I suppose.
Or you're not being a decent parent, are you? I'll see you again in a week or two, yeah? HORN HONKS I bought you some lights.
You can just drape them round if you like.
They got their own battery pack.
You really should tidy this place up a bit.
It's a shit hole.
Yeah.
It's my shit hole.
I like it.
Hey, I dropped it.
What! It's all right! Look.
Ta-dah! Do you like it? Are you serious? A birthday cake? He can't eat it, can he? Well no, but What? That's just cruel, that is.
No, that's a nice gesture! And you said, bring all the stuff what you used to lay on for your Glen.
Not a cake.
Oh, come on! He spent ages on that! Didn't you, Dad? What, 11 hours? 11? Yeah.
Well, there was a couple of false starts.
Butter, lard, it all looks so similar, dunnit? Oh.
OK.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I can see you've put yourselves out for us.
Same as the decorations.
Thank you and maybe we'll just leave it towards the back, all the same, so it's not the first thing he sees.
Oh! What? I thought you'd stopped with all this.
So did I! I never said that.
I said I should stop.
Which is quite different.
But it's It's wrong, though! Why is it? Cos Cos it's Having an orgasm under false pretences.
Hey! I don't make anyone do anything they don't want to! That's not the issue, mate.
It's It's dishonest.
It's a bit of fun! That's all! For those of us not living in the Wonderful World of Glen, where everyone smiles all the time and the door knobs are made of chocolate.
Now, bugger off! I want to see me son on me own.
Fair enough.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hey, pop over later, if you fancy.
Why, what you doing? Oh we're having a DVD night and a fondue.
Oh.
What you seeing? Well, I want Bra Busters 12, Glen wants ET.
We're going to draw lots.
Fine.
Er, maybe I will.
If I'm not doing anything else.
Do! It'll be fun.
You all right, Dad? Yeah.
Just looking at you.
Sorry.
Do you like the decorations I've put up for you? It's good.
Yeah, it's a special day, innit? I just wish you were here to see it properly.
Is it hot? What? Is it hot over there? I bet it is.
Not really.
Oh.
That makes me feel a bit better.
It's freezing here.
I'm pleased you got your model.
It's good.
It's not like the one I drive.
It's American.
It's a Kenworth T680.
They got the engine out front.
You sit on yours - it's under the cab.
Good boy! He's got to go now.
Come on, it's bedtime.
Yeah, I've only been on ten minutes! You've had half an hour.
Night, Dad.
Wait! Thomas! Go on! I love you! Right.
He got his truck! What? That model I sent him.
Yeah.
Yeah, well it's a limited edition.
They're like gold dust, they are.
He really likes it.
And he knows that there's more to come.
That's just like a stocking filler.
And the cash was! I mean, the main thing is still on its way.
I mean, I already took it round to your mum so Course, if I had your address Well, you're not having it, so let's not go there, eh? Sure.
OK.
I'll tell him, though.
Great.
Hey! Do you remember when he was born? I wanted to buy him that Nintendo and you said that I I've got to go, Steven.
No! You can't! What about Matthew? You've got to let me talk to him first.
He's not here.
What? He's playing with his friends.
Well, why did you Why did you do that when you knew I wanted to speak to him? Steve Yeah, but you knew .
.
he's playing football.
I don't bloody care what he's playing! You don't change, do you? No! Please! Don't! No! I don't mind waiting.
It doesn't matter.
I haven't got anything else to do.
I just I just really fancied a bit of face time.
Look, it's late.
We're an hour ahead here, so it's half past ten.
Yeah, but I need to see him.
I'll get him to call you.
I need to talk my son, Danielle! Night, Steven.
Mum.
Who's that? Matthew.
Matthew! It's your dad.
He's not here.
He is pissing there! I heard him.
Put him on, you bitch! No.
Mum! Danielle! Put him on! I want to speak to him! Danielle! Put him on! HE GROWLS FILM MUSIC PLAYS HE WHIMPERS He just wants to go home.
SINGING What? They're in Derby.
I mean, it's not my place to decide what information's good for you and what's not.
The thing is, I lay there all night, going through the pros and cons What are you talking about?! Danielle and the kids.
They're not in Spain.
They're in Derby, apparently.
La Cantina.
That tapas place we used to go when we tipped at the brewery.
They're there.
Right.
I see.
Hang on, how long have you known Only since last night! When you wellied your laptop out of the wagon, I went to pick it up and at first I didn't know what I was looking at, except then I recognised one of the waiters when he came to turn the computer off at their place, plus the paella.
Jesus Christ.
Steven Jesus Christ almighty.
Jesus Christ.
Steve.
Christ! Stop it! I'm sorry.
Look, I'm sorry, Mal.
It's just It's just a shock innit? Yeah, but it's a good shock, though.
Me walking in on me wife fellating Kyle - that's a bad shock.
This is an happy one.
Yeah.
I'm going to bloody kill her! Hang on, Steven, please! You see, this is why I hesitated! Because you can tend towards the rash, can't you? Me?! You're having a pop at me? She's the one that's been lying! She said they were in Extremadura! Presumably because she was upset that it'd all gone wrong.
Plus she maybe thought you'd try and get back with her.
Certain men can struggle to make a clean break.
I'd sooner slam one of them trap doors on my bell end than get back with her again! It's finished.
I know that.
However, I do want to see my kids.
That I would really like to arrange.
Yeah What do you mean, "yeah"? They're my children.
And hers.
Only biologically! In every other respect they're mine and I ain't seen them in three years! As soon as we get back to Notty, I'm going straight round.
Please, Steven.
Don't go off half-cocked here cos it'll just blow up in your face and that won't be any good for anyone, especially the kids.
And then I won't sleep nights.
Fine.
I hear you.
Do it properly.
Yeah, I will.
I mean, you know, she don't deserve it but one of us has to step up here and play the mature card.
I can do that.
Dad? Come here.
Dad! Yes.
Dad! Oh, God, boys, look at you! Look at the size of you! Is that yours? Course it's mine! I ain't nicked it, have I? Well, don't just stand there then.
Get in! In the lorry? Yeah, that's why I'm here! To take you out for the day.
Show you my job.
What about school? Are you bothered? I mean, look, it's fine.
It's fine.
I cleared it.
They want us to go out.
It's important.
Did Mrs Grey say that? Yeah.
And Mum? Yeah, course, Mum.
She suggested it.
I rang her.
She wants us to make up for all the time we've had apart.
Yes! Dad .
.
Mum made us say we was in Spain.
Hey! Don't worry about that, son, it's all right.
Yeah, we're back together now.
That's what counts.
All right? Come on, then, let's go.
You all right? Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
I was just thinking that, actually.
"I'm all right.
" It's been an interesting time, for you, ain't it? Do you read much Lawrence, Michelle? DH.
Oh.
No.
Well.
Lady Chatterley, obviously.
The mucky bits.
I've read the mucky bits in most great works of literature.
There's this website you can go on - raceyreading.
com.
Highlights all the smut.
How did you find out about that? Magaluf.
I was going on holiday and I fancied a bit of, you know, paperback sauce and I was searching and I stumbled upon it.
Oh, you'd be amazed.
There was loads.
There was this one called The Pen, The Penis And The Pudenda, only I didn't know what the pudenda was.
And what was it? Lady bits.
Yeah.
Anyway, getting back to Lawrence, he wrote this poem called The Phoenix, all about how if you want to be truly alive, sentient and throbbing, his words, then you have to rise from the ashes, like the Phoenix.
Which is what you did! Literally.
You rose up out of the ashes of your dad's wagon.
You've still got a bit of red round the back of your neck where you got singed.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose.
I mean, I was thinking more figuratively, if I'm honest, but it all comes down to the same thing in the end.
You know, you've got to crash and burn before you can re-build.
Sorry.
That probably sounds a bit ridiculous.
Like I'm making a big mountain out of it.
No.
It's just It's just a way that I can understand it.
You know, what went off, and be positive.
It was right.
It makes complete sense.
And it's DH Lawrence, innit? He's one of us.
Course it's right.
Thank you.
For sticking by us.
It's one thing to rise up out the dirt but you've got to have solid foundations when you do, which I have.
And I know that.
I've got good people around me.
And that makes all the difference.
THEY GIGGLE Whoa! Got you.
Who wants ice cream? BOTH: Yes! Flake and sauce? BOTH: Yes! COW MOOS Just imagine how many burgers you'd get off that? Or that.
PONY SNORTS AND THEY LAUGH Come on then.
We've got to eat.
I don't want people thinking I don't know how to take care of my kids.
Aw, this is brilliant, Dad.
Coke and a milkshake.
Well, you need dairy.
It's one of your five a day.
Aren't we going to eat here? We don't need to.
I bring my own dining facilities with me everywhere I go.
Another time, we can get the barbecue out the truck.
Me and the boys often rendezvous for one when we're out on the roads.
Whoa, you've got everything in there.
That is it! That's why I'm so attracted to this job.
You're away from home but you're never away from home.
Here, have one of these, after your dinner.
Might give you a bit of a lift.
Actually, you should think about keeping some of those at school.
You know, stash a couple in your desk, just in case you start flagging.
We've had a brilliant morning.
Haven't we? This is the best, though, innit? Just us hanging out together.
It's magic, Dad.
Well, you should tell your mum that.
If it crops up.
Let her know how much you like spending time with your old man, eh? PHONE RINGS Have we got to go back to school, Dad? Nah, it's just work asking after me.
Plenty of time for that later.
We can have a kick about at Rufford Park after and I was thinking, if you're both up for it, we could take in that Lazer Zone place on the way back into town.
Trucking's brilliant, innit? Yeah! Yeah.
Steven! It's me.
It's Michelle.
I don't know why you're not answering my calls, but when you get this, you need to know that Morcotts', Hadley Grants and Sandersons have all rung in the last half hour moaning about why you ain't showed.
I've made excuses for you, saying you've had a few mechanicals but if you don't pull your finger out presto, bloody pronto, you will cop for a serious amount of shit when you get back to this yard! Come on.
Here you go, boys! Done and dusted.
Boys! You all right? Get inside.
Hello, Danielle.
You've got a nerve.
I ain't the one that's been lying.
I told you! I don't want anything to do with you above them Skype calls.
Yeah, them Skype calls.
What were you thinking, eh? Oh, I'm sorry, Steven, did I offend you? My lying? Of course, it's so important to you, isn't it? Honesty in a relationship.
We've had a fantastic time.
We did all sorts.
Yeah, Helen Corbett called me.
What? She saw you.
Taking them away.
So what? So, what would have happened if they just didn't turn up to school? And then school called me and asked me where they were but I couldn't answer? Eh? What would I have thought? What would anybody have thought? You are the most self-centred man in the entire But it didn't happen, did it? Someone did see and it was all right.
It-it was more than all right.
Like I say - it was brilliant.
You ask them how today was and whether that'll do them for another three years.
Don't, just don't.
No! No, you're not going to carry on poisoning their minds against me, Danielle.
This is ground zero.
It all changes from here.
You know, that's your problem, you know - you can't let go! You can't move on.
And it's not doing anyone any good.
Is that right? Yes, it is! You need to face up to the facts.
They're my children.
Yeah? And we're meant to be together.
That's nature and no amount of your bitterness and your spite and me-me-me should be allowed to stand in the way of that happening any longer! Boys.
Boys, come downstairs.
What you doing? If you want to see your sons beyond an afternoon swanning about in your truck, good luck.
Matthew, Thomas Oi, hang on.
You have no idea.
You have no bloody idea.
Look wait, wait What is it? You are spending the weekend with your dad! Eh? Yeah! Go sit in his truck.
Danielle I'll see them first thing Monday morning, before school.
Yeah, but But nothing.
I'm going away.
What? Got a hen do.
I said I couldn't make it cos I had the kids, but you have finally stepped up.
They're going to be well chuffed.
Whoa! Hang on, hang on.
Look, hen do, what do you mean? It's like a stag do but for women.
Yeah, but that ain't what I meant.
You know it ain't.
Look, I've-I've got stuff to do.
Look I-I can't just shift everything Tough shit.
They're your kids, like you said.
I'll just go and pack them a bag.
The boys all right there? Shouldn't they be at home? What, on their own? I don't think so, Malachi.
I'm not that sort of dad.
God, I needed that.
Tough day? I said sorry.
Circumstances overtook us.
That's your life, though, innit - chaos.
You've got to get a grip.
Excuse me, if you had kids, you'd understand that they come before everything else, don't they? Steven, listen, I'm delighted that you and Danielle have come to an arrangement over the lads, I am, really, but you've dropped us right in it, here, mate.
We're trying to up productivity, not slash it.
All right! Keep your hair on.
Bloody hell, Martin, it's It's not like I I mean Yeah.
Fair enough.
And I'm sorry.
And I'll come in at the weekend and catch up then.
Yeah? How's that? Great.
Ideal.
You sure? Yeah.
It's the right thing to do, innit, so, definite.
What about the boys? Well, I'll just You can't, EEC directives.
Nobody but licensed operators in the cab.
All right, fine.
I weren't going to say that, anyway.
I was just Look, I'll put them in a creche or I'll I'll get them an au pair.
What, for the weekend? Whatever! I'll do something! You all right, boys? And how's Danielle? Yeah.
You know.
She was OK with you, though? Well.
Well, more or less.
Got to move on eventually, right? Exactly! Same time, Glen, some things Look, I said sorry! I said that when it actually happened.
Not sure I could do it.
That's because you're a man hater and you're not familiar with the concept of forgiveness, so can we just leave it? To be fair though, Steven, you shagged one of the bridesmaids on your actual wedding day.
Look, she weren't perfect, you know! Danielle.
She had her moments.
Didn't gobble the vicar halfway through The Lord's My Shepherd, though, did she? It wasn't my fault! What? It was my dick.
My dick is like my heel.
It's my Achilles heel.
You know, only I've got an Achilles dick.
Well, I have never heard that as a defence before.
Yeah, well, that's because you're not interested in understanding the complexity of the male psyche.
Oh, "I shag, therefore I am".
I never said that! That's you putting words in people's mouths.
Better than what you normally put in people's mouths.
Right! That's it! I'm done! I don't have to sit here and take this.
Come on, boys.
It's time to go.
I don't want you to get to bed too late.
Why not? Cosit's supposed to be bad for you and in any case, we're not welcome here, boys.
That is what you call a child-free zone.
HE GROANS What you doing? We're getting in.
No, no you're meant to be asleep, next door.
We do it with Mum sometimes, don't we? To keep her company.
Yeah.
If we hear her on the phone, say, to Grandma and she says she's had a crap day, we do it then.
Right.
So what? She just lies there, does she? She doesn't do anything else? How'd you mean? I don't know.
She doesn't read you stories or No.
We just cuddle up.
She sometimes says "feel the love," doesn't she? Yeah.
And that's it? What else is she meant to do? Here, Dad.
What's that? Er, Matthew, it's, um I'm Fireman Sam! I'm Fireman Sam! Let me have a go.
No, no.
Wait, wait! Here, let me have a go.
Boys! Give it here! Give it.
Ow! Dad! I never touched him! You did! No, I didn't! You did! Just stop it! Both of you! I mean Just put the hat down.
Yeah? And get back in.
Right.
Now let's go to sleep.
What's it for, though, Dad? The fireman's hat? It's It's not for anything.
Now, come on, please.
Can we cuddle up, still, Dad? Of course you can.
You don't have to ask that.
Steven.
What? Can you do Sanderson's first? I've had them on the blower already.
OK.
And then the rest of your normal round.
I've already got Glen to pick up all the other stuff you missed.
What? "All the other stuff you missed.
" There's no need to say it like that.
Like what? Aggressive.
It's not aggressive.
It's a fact.
I didn't complete my round.
True.
Only you're making it out like I did it on a whim, where actually No, Steven, Steven! Stop! Stop there! I heard you, last night.
You've got your kids back in your life now.
You're bonding with them and that takes precedent.
I understand that.
It's completely natural.
You don't, though! No-one does.
No-one knows what it's really like.
To be forcibly kept apart, year on year, and what that does to a dad.
Any dad.
No matter how he fights it.
Fights what? The oddness.
What's odd? They are! The kids.
They're like Germans or something.
Lying in bed next to you.
Your children? No.
I mean, yes.
You know, to start with.
But then, like you say, nature takes over and it's all lovely.
However, it ain't easy for a bloke that's been through what I have.
And that's my point.
Didn't you get much kip last night? Eh? Well, you seem a bit Look, I'm fine! There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm going.
But you sorted yourself out, though, didn't you? What? With the lads.
You found somewhere for them to go while you're at work.
Ah! What? I've got you now.
I see what you're doing.
You could have texted me all that bollocks about Sandersons.
Steven Or Michelle could've rung us.
You just wanted to check I didn't have them with me.
You wanted to get me close enough to actually see I didn't have the kids in the cab! Don't be daft.
What's daft about it? We're mates.
Why would I? You've said that you won't do it and that's enough.
Is it? Course it is.
Band of Brothers.
You know, I know I'm majoring on that quite a lot at the moment, talking about family, because this is mine.
All the people in it, anyway.
Yeah.
Well, as long as it still seems like that to you.
What? Come on, Mart, have a look.
You know, I'm driving off in the wagon.
You're stopping here in a suit.
Mates? Only so far, eh? Are we off now then, Dad? Is this where it starts? Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
You've got odd shoes on.
Oh, yeah.
Well, how'd you manage that? Mum usually checks him before he goes out.
What? It's my reading thing.
What I can't do.
It's part of that.
I get confused.
Plus, his left and rights.
He gets them wrong and all.
Not all the time! Right.
I didn't know about that.
Well I knew there was an issue.
But I didn't know Mum made me wrist bands.
So I can tell the difference.
Oh, bollocks! I forgot.
Oi! Language! She should have told me about that.
She Properly.
Can we do the zip wire, Dad? Cos we didn't do that yesterday and we said Yeah, like I said, it depends.
I've got a lot of tips to pull in first.
But that'll be fun and all, won't it? You know, doing actual trucking work? So, what we do now is, er, we drop the turf off at another one of those big distribution centres and then it goes from there to all the garden centres all around the country.
Boys? Do you think we will get to do the zip wire, Dad? I dunno.
We'll see.
Do you want some music on? We can do that if you like.
OK.
Oh, you are joking! Come on.
Come on, work.
Work, you twat! I mean, it's annoying.
I bet it's fantastic when it ain't broken.
Yeah, it is.
It's brilliant! I only have the best in here.
There's a DVD player in the back, you know! No way?! Can I go on that? Yeah, course you can.
Are these your DVDs? Yeah.
Er, no! Shit! Sorry.
Sorry.
I remembered, they're all in foreign.
German.
Yeah, yeah, I'm learning German.
That's littering! No, it's not! There's a special truckers' bin wagon, comes along every night, picks up all the debris, especially the, er .
.
the language DVDs.
Just play on my phone! Dad.
Yeah? I need the toilet.
Use this bottle.
It's too busy to stop here.
I need a number two.
STEVEN SIGHS CAR SOUNDS HORN All right! How you doing, Matthew? I think I've finished.
HORN BEEPS Look, I'm looking after my boy! Piss off.
Dad, what is it? Uh, it's nothing! It's just a bloke I know.
I was just shouting to him.
Come on, then, if you're done.
I ain't wiped.
What? I ain't wiped me bottom.
I need toilet paper.
Ain't there any dock leaves there or something? There's a cigarette packet.
You can't use a cigarette packet! Hang on.
Use that.
Throw it in the bushes when you're done, all right? Thanks, Dad.
Sorry.
What? Sorry I made you cross.
You didn't make me cross.
I did.
I heard it in your voice.
Oh, it's fine now.
All right, just wipe your bum and let's get going.
OK.
Run a bath.
I'm going to do it How's it gone? It's gone.
Look, keep an eye on them while I'm out, will you? Out, where? The Dervish.
I need to get a beer.
I can't.
It's badminton night.
It's me and Glen against Caroline and her dad.
It's important.
Yeah, so is my bleedin' mental health! I've had them two for like 17 hours and 15 minutes, Malachi, non-stop.
They're your kids.
And? And that's how it is! I told you not to go wading in there, didn't I? Making demands.
But you wouldn't listen Hang on.
She said that she No, she didn't! Summat went off.
I'm not stupid! You went charging in, as per, and she dumped them on you! Well, sorry, Steven, that's your look out and you're not going to sub-dump them on me.
KIDS ARGUE UPSTAIRS What you doing? That isn't cleaning your teeth.
It is.
Look, put some more toothpaste on.
Now, up and down.
Up and down.
And get the gums.
Here The gums is where the problems start.
If you don't get them, then all your teeth drop out.
Good for the tooth fairy.
There isn't a tooth fairy.
Good night, boys.
Night, Dad.
And Dad, I won't get my shoes wrong tomorrow.
What? Matthew's going to check me.
Before we go.
And we're going to have a good shit, aren't we? Matthew! Sorry, Dad.
We're just saying we'll be A1.
You don't have to worry.
We won't let you down.
We'll be all ready, Dad.
We're ready now.
We can't wait.
Yeah, but, I thought you Well, today, you was It was brilliant! Apart from a couple of bits in the middle where we just seemed to be driving.
Otherwise it was ace.
It's good just being with you, Dad.
That's what we like best.
Just seeing you a bit.
Oh, don't say that.
You make it sound like I mean, you know, we did see each other.
All right, it was just Skype but that's cos you was in Derby or Spain.
I don't mean then.
I mean before.
What you on about? We were always doing stuff together.
No, we weren't, cos when mum told us we weren't going to be seeing you for a bit she made a point of saying that you was hardly ever around, anyway.
Cos of driving them tanks and then going straight onto the lorries.
538 days in total.
What? That's how many days you had at home since me and him were born.
In ten years? That's bollocks.
No.
It isn't.
She's got it written down, hasn't she? Yeah.
On each of the days you were back it said, "Steven home", so that's how she knew how long you had with us, before we moved toSpain.
538 days.
All right, look just get your heads down.
You need your sleep.
Boys.
THEY YAWN We're going to stop in a bit.
I'll get us some breakfast, some bacon and eggs and that.
Where will we have it, dad? Eh? He cooks it in the lorry, he said that.
That's what tramping is.
You know, living out your truck.
So that's what we're going to do.
We'll have all our meals in here today, and then tonight, we'll sleep in the cab and I've got a DVD for us to watch.
Not in German, though, Dad? We can't speak that.
No, no, it's-it's not in German, it's Notts County last season.
Golden goals.
It ain't very long.
That was a joke, that.
It wasn't very funny.
OK then.
Oi, oi, don't get up yet.
You can doze for a bit longer.
I'll tell you when it's time, yeah? But it's light now, Dad.
So? I'll soon solve that.
Have you got any of them things? You know, them things you take.
They're good for you.
Vitamins! I never bother, myself.
There's enough nourishment in a pint of Guinness, isn't there? If you think you're coming down with scurvy or summat, all the hops and that.
Only, I've got my lads with me.
I was banging on to them earlier on about their teeth and stuff, so best be safe, eh? Nice chatting to you anyway.
No No, no.
Oh, Christ! Oh, shit! HE PANTS Oh, shit! I-I need the police.
I need to talk to the police! HE WHIMPERS It's me.
You're looking for me.
OK, sir.
What's happened? Well, we've What have you found out? Just They can't have gone far.
I was only in there for two seconds Please! You just need to calm down a minute.
OK.
I need a full description.
Banks of England, 44-tonner.
Your children.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
HE SOBS Are we there, Dad? THEY SCREAM OK.
You tell the policeman that you're lost and then you, you give him the number that you said to me.
But Just tell the policeman! And see when you see your dad, you tell him that after I've stolen his lorry, I'm going straight back to my house, where my kids are asleep in their beds where they should be! Oh, no, no, no, no.
What's happened? What's happened to them! They're fine.
We've got them.
Come here.
Oh, God, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, God.
We're sorry, Dad.
Sorry? What you sorry for? It's not your fault.
That's what Mum said, isn't it? What? We spoke to Mum! We only knew her number, so we gave that to the policeman.
Yeah, and while he was talking to her, she got upset, didn't she? And she started shouting a bit, so they put us on! Christ.
This isn't home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've got to do something first.
Is it about losing the wagon, Dad? You just stay here.
Then we'll get you back to your mum's, yeah? Hey, Dad! It's not all bad news! I got the DVD! What? I got the Notts County DVD.
Off the man who was nicking the lorry.
He kept shutting his eyes, cos Matthew was making such a racket.
Sending him crackers and he wouldn't be quiet.
So one time he did it, I just grabbed it and shoved it down my trousers.
It's a bit warm, though.
So that's good, innit? Yeah.
It is.
Come here.
Thank you.
Steven.
Yeah.
I Is he around? I dunno what to say.
It's done.
There's nothing to say.
At least we've got cover this time.
Er, yeah.
I About that.
What? The insurance.
There might be a problem.
It won't be.
It went through well before yours was nicked.
I left the keys in.
That's how he could get off so easy.
I never told the cops but as well as taking the kids, I did that.
Once that's out in the open, I-I think it will probably get quite complicated.
I've kicked them round the yard a bit to scuff them up.
Insurance are bound to take a good look, so But they're They're spares.
No.
They're yours.
Which never left your person the entire trip.
I had them cut soon as I got your message.
Oh, and I took care of the kids thing and all.
I spoke to the police earlier.
Said I'd be extremely grateful if they could give me a copy of their final report without them actually in it.
I said it was a straight case of theft as far as I was concerned.
I didn't want to cause any trouble with the other thing.
You're a good employee, a solid worker, all that, who'd recently lost both his parents in a terrible air crash.
They were very understanding.
Well, that's the point, innit? You look after your mates.
Even when they're being arses.
BOYS: Mum! Mum! OK, go inside, go and see Nana.
They told me you were coming home early, so I thought Ideal opportunity for an early drop off? No.
I assumed you'd be worried so The funny thing is, I mean, this whole experience, has brought us closer together and I just think You have nothing to offer them.
What? That's why I kept them away from you.
I didn't want you tainting them.
That's not nice.
Isn't it? You just please yourself, Steven.
You're like that advert - just do it and sod the consequences and it's disgusting.
That's why I don't want my boys seeing you again and that's why if you have, at long last, started to feel some sort of connection, you will do the decent thing and you will choose to stay away from them, because you know, deep down, what kind of a bloke you are and you know that, in the long run .
.
all you're going to do for those boys is ruin them.
Steven! What are you doing here? Are you working close? Yeah, A1.
It's a bad one.
Really? Yeah, I left my uniform back in the ambulance, you know, it's a bit too much mess.
Oh.
What? It's the smell of the disinfectant, from the surgical gloves and that.
Heart paddles.
Here.
You've stopped talking.
Sorry.
You're covered in contusions.
Oh, I am.
I think one of your ribs is broken.
I'm in agony.
You will be.
Oh, you're so kind.
And you're brave.
You're like a knight, like a casualty knight.
PHONE BEEPS Ignore it.
It doesn't matter.
You're texting? It's fine.
I can do it one-handed.
You canna go that hard.
Even with the predictive on.
Well, leave it! I cannat.
But It's me little lad! It's his swimming gala, he wants me to take his different goggles down.
I've got to tell him where to meet us.
Look at him! He's a canny bairn.
He loves his sport.
Gone! Forget it! Plough the field, man.
Steven.
.
? Are you not enjoying it? Nice.
Oh, it was Seahouses.
It was like 80 degrees every day.
What's the matter? You've got a lovely family.
You've got a lovely house.
I mean, the old man paid for you to have your tits done.
You've got it perfect! What you risking all that for? With me? I've got to go.
I haven't come yet, Steven! No.
No, I've got to.
I've got to leave.
I've got to get Got to get back to your ambulance? Is that where you've got to get? What do you mean? I mean, whatever gets you through the night.
I'm an ambulance man.
No, you're not! Oh, come on.
You knew I knew.
You mean you actually.
.
? You're my little treat, Steven.
You're me afternoon frappuccino, only you don't put any weight on me bastard hips! But you're not real.
You're a fantasy.
Which is something you'd know all about, isn't it? Mel! It's me! Are you there? Jesus! Melanie? Erm, I'm just coming, love.
Just go out of the window.
It's straight onto the porch.
Er, I've just been down the gym.
Yeah? What's that smell in the kitchen? I don't know what you mean.
It stinks, man! Of Dettol, or, I don't know, TCP.
That's off of my hands.
My cock smells of your missus.
HE ROARS HE GROANS I hope she was worth it.
He was.
Thanks for coming, anyway.
It's all right.
Assumed I was the nearest.
No.
You or Bob.
Only I preferred you cos of the drunk stuff.
I-I thought it'd be better if I said it to you.
What you going on about? The rock bottom thing.
I think I'm there.
HE GROANS You do say that, though, don't you, you lot.
You have to hit that and then you can get better.
Well, yeah.
That's some of it.
Good.
In that case .
.
my name's Steven Warley and I'm a selfish bastard.
I need to talk to you.
I'm working.
Danielle Look, I've said all I've got to say to you.
Yeah, but I ain't said all I've got to say to you! And I'm going to say it! So you can either listen in here, in front of all these customers or you can listen out there, in private.
But I'm not going until I've spoke to you.
I'm not! I'll be a minute.
So what's happened? Steven I I-I had a fight.
But I more got beaten up.
I know, it's typical me, innit? What do you want? I was fine.
I was getting by but now, after a couple of days, you What do you want? I'm a twat.
Only I don't want to be any more.
And the reason I don't is them kids.
Just let me finish! Let me They're my children.
I know! Christ, I know, it's a bit late in the day but it's better late than never.
I mean it's got to be that, innit? Depends on who's saying it.
Look, I know I've not got the right but I'm asking, I'm begging for this last chance just to spend some time with them.
Cos I've wasted so much of that doing other stuff that just leaves you feeling grubby, to be honest, and, all right, you know, I-I only had them a few days and a lot of it, frankly, was borderline disastrous, but there's something there.
I know there is.
Cos now they're not with me, it's like there's something right at my core that's gone missing all of a sudden and I Please! Please I-I just want this this chance and if I can't be something good in their lives then you can tell me and I'll go, once and for all, I promise.
You'll go? If I say it ain't working? Yeah! I will.
Cos you've done such a good job with them and I trust you with how they're going to grow up more than anyone.
What? I trust you.
It's amazing what you've achieved in these last few years.
You know, they're funny and clever and Thomas has got that thing on his wrist that you made for him and You've been brilliant, without me.
I don't want to spoil that.
But I-I think I can add to it, Danielle.
I do.
I know I can give something, to the boys as well.
Only you got to let me back in to try.
So, you know, just let me hang out.
I-I-I'll learn to cook and everything, just let me be a dad to them.
And you can decide whether we continue this or not.
But you said to me that I've got nothing to offer them boys.
And that ain't true.
I love them.
Dad! Dad! Dad! You're 35 on Wednesday.
35 is middle age.
No, it's not! Hiya.
No.
No.
No, no, no! Not "hiya".
I just had Wendy on.
She's got a date.
Jesus.
He's brave.
You get one go at life.
You can you know, help yourself to everything that's on offer.
Just wondered, maybe I could pop round to yours and take you out for a bit of a spin? I'm out with me boyfriend.
Leave him! From the moment I held you in my arms and I tried to give you my breast, you were contrary and hard to love.
Hello, Hanna.
Mum, are we on fire? No.
We're not.
Now go and watch telly.
Not on fire yet.
Have you just been at one? Literally.
If you get close, I think you might still smell the smoke on me.
Wait, wait, wait! I've got an idea! What you doing? I want to jump off.
What? I'm in a burning building.
I'm on fire and I'm half dressed.
It's the middle of the night and you're passing and you happen to have an erection.
Plus you're a fireman so it's a sort of a moral dilemma for you.
Then you realise, if I jump accurately, then you can, er, you know, save the day and You serious? What? Come on, let's just put the helmet on again.
I was virtually at the vinegar stroke.
I want to jump from the building, Steven! I've had a shit, awful day, so don't spoil it, all right? Fine.
Right.
Geronimo, then.
This is so good.
Mum, Peppa Pig's finished! Go on the Planner, then.
All right.
Given you your strength back, has it? I can't.
I told you I've got to get going.
But I thought we'd have a romantic night in.
I got a copy of Les Mis.
And some new sex toys.
You've got to put the kids first, I suppose.
Or you're not being a decent parent, are you? I'll see you again in a week or two, yeah? HORN HONKS I bought you some lights.
You can just drape them round if you like.
They got their own battery pack.
You really should tidy this place up a bit.
It's a shit hole.
Yeah.
It's my shit hole.
I like it.
Hey, I dropped it.
What! It's all right! Look.
Ta-dah! Do you like it? Are you serious? A birthday cake? He can't eat it, can he? Well no, but What? That's just cruel, that is.
No, that's a nice gesture! And you said, bring all the stuff what you used to lay on for your Glen.
Not a cake.
Oh, come on! He spent ages on that! Didn't you, Dad? What, 11 hours? 11? Yeah.
Well, there was a couple of false starts.
Butter, lard, it all looks so similar, dunnit? Oh.
OK.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I can see you've put yourselves out for us.
Same as the decorations.
Thank you and maybe we'll just leave it towards the back, all the same, so it's not the first thing he sees.
Oh! What? I thought you'd stopped with all this.
So did I! I never said that.
I said I should stop.
Which is quite different.
But it's It's wrong, though! Why is it? Cos Cos it's Having an orgasm under false pretences.
Hey! I don't make anyone do anything they don't want to! That's not the issue, mate.
It's It's dishonest.
It's a bit of fun! That's all! For those of us not living in the Wonderful World of Glen, where everyone smiles all the time and the door knobs are made of chocolate.
Now, bugger off! I want to see me son on me own.
Fair enough.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hey, pop over later, if you fancy.
Why, what you doing? Oh we're having a DVD night and a fondue.
Oh.
What you seeing? Well, I want Bra Busters 12, Glen wants ET.
We're going to draw lots.
Fine.
Er, maybe I will.
If I'm not doing anything else.
Do! It'll be fun.
You all right, Dad? Yeah.
Just looking at you.
Sorry.
Do you like the decorations I've put up for you? It's good.
Yeah, it's a special day, innit? I just wish you were here to see it properly.
Is it hot? What? Is it hot over there? I bet it is.
Not really.
Oh.
That makes me feel a bit better.
It's freezing here.
I'm pleased you got your model.
It's good.
It's not like the one I drive.
It's American.
It's a Kenworth T680.
They got the engine out front.
You sit on yours - it's under the cab.
Good boy! He's got to go now.
Come on, it's bedtime.
Yeah, I've only been on ten minutes! You've had half an hour.
Night, Dad.
Wait! Thomas! Go on! I love you! Right.
He got his truck! What? That model I sent him.
Yeah.
Yeah, well it's a limited edition.
They're like gold dust, they are.
He really likes it.
And he knows that there's more to come.
That's just like a stocking filler.
And the cash was! I mean, the main thing is still on its way.
I mean, I already took it round to your mum so Course, if I had your address Well, you're not having it, so let's not go there, eh? Sure.
OK.
I'll tell him, though.
Great.
Hey! Do you remember when he was born? I wanted to buy him that Nintendo and you said that I I've got to go, Steven.
No! You can't! What about Matthew? You've got to let me talk to him first.
He's not here.
What? He's playing with his friends.
Well, why did you Why did you do that when you knew I wanted to speak to him? Steve Yeah, but you knew .
.
he's playing football.
I don't bloody care what he's playing! You don't change, do you? No! Please! Don't! No! I don't mind waiting.
It doesn't matter.
I haven't got anything else to do.
I just I just really fancied a bit of face time.
Look, it's late.
We're an hour ahead here, so it's half past ten.
Yeah, but I need to see him.
I'll get him to call you.
I need to talk my son, Danielle! Night, Steven.
Mum.
Who's that? Matthew.
Matthew! It's your dad.
He's not here.
He is pissing there! I heard him.
Put him on, you bitch! No.
Mum! Danielle! Put him on! I want to speak to him! Danielle! Put him on! HE GROWLS FILM MUSIC PLAYS HE WHIMPERS He just wants to go home.
SINGING What? They're in Derby.
I mean, it's not my place to decide what information's good for you and what's not.
The thing is, I lay there all night, going through the pros and cons What are you talking about?! Danielle and the kids.
They're not in Spain.
They're in Derby, apparently.
La Cantina.
That tapas place we used to go when we tipped at the brewery.
They're there.
Right.
I see.
Hang on, how long have you known Only since last night! When you wellied your laptop out of the wagon, I went to pick it up and at first I didn't know what I was looking at, except then I recognised one of the waiters when he came to turn the computer off at their place, plus the paella.
Jesus Christ.
Steven Jesus Christ almighty.
Jesus Christ.
Steve.
Christ! Stop it! I'm sorry.
Look, I'm sorry, Mal.
It's just It's just a shock innit? Yeah, but it's a good shock, though.
Me walking in on me wife fellating Kyle - that's a bad shock.
This is an happy one.
Yeah.
I'm going to bloody kill her! Hang on, Steven, please! You see, this is why I hesitated! Because you can tend towards the rash, can't you? Me?! You're having a pop at me? She's the one that's been lying! She said they were in Extremadura! Presumably because she was upset that it'd all gone wrong.
Plus she maybe thought you'd try and get back with her.
Certain men can struggle to make a clean break.
I'd sooner slam one of them trap doors on my bell end than get back with her again! It's finished.
I know that.
However, I do want to see my kids.
That I would really like to arrange.
Yeah What do you mean, "yeah"? They're my children.
And hers.
Only biologically! In every other respect they're mine and I ain't seen them in three years! As soon as we get back to Notty, I'm going straight round.
Please, Steven.
Don't go off half-cocked here cos it'll just blow up in your face and that won't be any good for anyone, especially the kids.
And then I won't sleep nights.
Fine.
I hear you.
Do it properly.
Yeah, I will.
I mean, you know, she don't deserve it but one of us has to step up here and play the mature card.
I can do that.
Dad? Come here.
Dad! Yes.
Dad! Oh, God, boys, look at you! Look at the size of you! Is that yours? Course it's mine! I ain't nicked it, have I? Well, don't just stand there then.
Get in! In the lorry? Yeah, that's why I'm here! To take you out for the day.
Show you my job.
What about school? Are you bothered? I mean, look, it's fine.
It's fine.
I cleared it.
They want us to go out.
It's important.
Did Mrs Grey say that? Yeah.
And Mum? Yeah, course, Mum.
She suggested it.
I rang her.
She wants us to make up for all the time we've had apart.
Yes! Dad .
.
Mum made us say we was in Spain.
Hey! Don't worry about that, son, it's all right.
Yeah, we're back together now.
That's what counts.
All right? Come on, then, let's go.
You all right? Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
I was just thinking that, actually.
"I'm all right.
" It's been an interesting time, for you, ain't it? Do you read much Lawrence, Michelle? DH.
Oh.
No.
Well.
Lady Chatterley, obviously.
The mucky bits.
I've read the mucky bits in most great works of literature.
There's this website you can go on - raceyreading.
com.
Highlights all the smut.
How did you find out about that? Magaluf.
I was going on holiday and I fancied a bit of, you know, paperback sauce and I was searching and I stumbled upon it.
Oh, you'd be amazed.
There was loads.
There was this one called The Pen, The Penis And The Pudenda, only I didn't know what the pudenda was.
And what was it? Lady bits.
Yeah.
Anyway, getting back to Lawrence, he wrote this poem called The Phoenix, all about how if you want to be truly alive, sentient and throbbing, his words, then you have to rise from the ashes, like the Phoenix.
Which is what you did! Literally.
You rose up out of the ashes of your dad's wagon.
You've still got a bit of red round the back of your neck where you got singed.
Yeah.
Yeah, I suppose.
I mean, I was thinking more figuratively, if I'm honest, but it all comes down to the same thing in the end.
You know, you've got to crash and burn before you can re-build.
Sorry.
That probably sounds a bit ridiculous.
Like I'm making a big mountain out of it.
No.
It's just It's just a way that I can understand it.
You know, what went off, and be positive.
It was right.
It makes complete sense.
And it's DH Lawrence, innit? He's one of us.
Course it's right.
Thank you.
For sticking by us.
It's one thing to rise up out the dirt but you've got to have solid foundations when you do, which I have.
And I know that.
I've got good people around me.
And that makes all the difference.
THEY GIGGLE Whoa! Got you.
Who wants ice cream? BOTH: Yes! Flake and sauce? BOTH: Yes! COW MOOS Just imagine how many burgers you'd get off that? Or that.
PONY SNORTS AND THEY LAUGH Come on then.
We've got to eat.
I don't want people thinking I don't know how to take care of my kids.
Aw, this is brilliant, Dad.
Coke and a milkshake.
Well, you need dairy.
It's one of your five a day.
Aren't we going to eat here? We don't need to.
I bring my own dining facilities with me everywhere I go.
Another time, we can get the barbecue out the truck.
Me and the boys often rendezvous for one when we're out on the roads.
Whoa, you've got everything in there.
That is it! That's why I'm so attracted to this job.
You're away from home but you're never away from home.
Here, have one of these, after your dinner.
Might give you a bit of a lift.
Actually, you should think about keeping some of those at school.
You know, stash a couple in your desk, just in case you start flagging.
We've had a brilliant morning.
Haven't we? This is the best, though, innit? Just us hanging out together.
It's magic, Dad.
Well, you should tell your mum that.
If it crops up.
Let her know how much you like spending time with your old man, eh? PHONE RINGS Have we got to go back to school, Dad? Nah, it's just work asking after me.
Plenty of time for that later.
We can have a kick about at Rufford Park after and I was thinking, if you're both up for it, we could take in that Lazer Zone place on the way back into town.
Trucking's brilliant, innit? Yeah! Yeah.
Steven! It's me.
It's Michelle.
I don't know why you're not answering my calls, but when you get this, you need to know that Morcotts', Hadley Grants and Sandersons have all rung in the last half hour moaning about why you ain't showed.
I've made excuses for you, saying you've had a few mechanicals but if you don't pull your finger out presto, bloody pronto, you will cop for a serious amount of shit when you get back to this yard! Come on.
Here you go, boys! Done and dusted.
Boys! You all right? Get inside.
Hello, Danielle.
You've got a nerve.
I ain't the one that's been lying.
I told you! I don't want anything to do with you above them Skype calls.
Yeah, them Skype calls.
What were you thinking, eh? Oh, I'm sorry, Steven, did I offend you? My lying? Of course, it's so important to you, isn't it? Honesty in a relationship.
We've had a fantastic time.
We did all sorts.
Yeah, Helen Corbett called me.
What? She saw you.
Taking them away.
So what? So, what would have happened if they just didn't turn up to school? And then school called me and asked me where they were but I couldn't answer? Eh? What would I have thought? What would anybody have thought? You are the most self-centred man in the entire But it didn't happen, did it? Someone did see and it was all right.
It-it was more than all right.
Like I say - it was brilliant.
You ask them how today was and whether that'll do them for another three years.
Don't, just don't.
No! No, you're not going to carry on poisoning their minds against me, Danielle.
This is ground zero.
It all changes from here.
You know, that's your problem, you know - you can't let go! You can't move on.
And it's not doing anyone any good.
Is that right? Yes, it is! You need to face up to the facts.
They're my children.
Yeah? And we're meant to be together.
That's nature and no amount of your bitterness and your spite and me-me-me should be allowed to stand in the way of that happening any longer! Boys.
Boys, come downstairs.
What you doing? If you want to see your sons beyond an afternoon swanning about in your truck, good luck.
Matthew, Thomas Oi, hang on.
You have no idea.
You have no bloody idea.
Look wait, wait What is it? You are spending the weekend with your dad! Eh? Yeah! Go sit in his truck.
Danielle I'll see them first thing Monday morning, before school.
Yeah, but But nothing.
I'm going away.
What? Got a hen do.
I said I couldn't make it cos I had the kids, but you have finally stepped up.
They're going to be well chuffed.
Whoa! Hang on, hang on.
Look, hen do, what do you mean? It's like a stag do but for women.
Yeah, but that ain't what I meant.
You know it ain't.
Look, I've-I've got stuff to do.
Look I-I can't just shift everything Tough shit.
They're your kids, like you said.
I'll just go and pack them a bag.
The boys all right there? Shouldn't they be at home? What, on their own? I don't think so, Malachi.
I'm not that sort of dad.
God, I needed that.
Tough day? I said sorry.
Circumstances overtook us.
That's your life, though, innit - chaos.
You've got to get a grip.
Excuse me, if you had kids, you'd understand that they come before everything else, don't they? Steven, listen, I'm delighted that you and Danielle have come to an arrangement over the lads, I am, really, but you've dropped us right in it, here, mate.
We're trying to up productivity, not slash it.
All right! Keep your hair on.
Bloody hell, Martin, it's It's not like I I mean Yeah.
Fair enough.
And I'm sorry.
And I'll come in at the weekend and catch up then.
Yeah? How's that? Great.
Ideal.
You sure? Yeah.
It's the right thing to do, innit, so, definite.
What about the boys? Well, I'll just You can't, EEC directives.
Nobody but licensed operators in the cab.
All right, fine.
I weren't going to say that, anyway.
I was just Look, I'll put them in a creche or I'll I'll get them an au pair.
What, for the weekend? Whatever! I'll do something! You all right, boys? And how's Danielle? Yeah.
You know.
She was OK with you, though? Well.
Well, more or less.
Got to move on eventually, right? Exactly! Same time, Glen, some things Look, I said sorry! I said that when it actually happened.
Not sure I could do it.
That's because you're a man hater and you're not familiar with the concept of forgiveness, so can we just leave it? To be fair though, Steven, you shagged one of the bridesmaids on your actual wedding day.
Look, she weren't perfect, you know! Danielle.
She had her moments.
Didn't gobble the vicar halfway through The Lord's My Shepherd, though, did she? It wasn't my fault! What? It was my dick.
My dick is like my heel.
It's my Achilles heel.
You know, only I've got an Achilles dick.
Well, I have never heard that as a defence before.
Yeah, well, that's because you're not interested in understanding the complexity of the male psyche.
Oh, "I shag, therefore I am".
I never said that! That's you putting words in people's mouths.
Better than what you normally put in people's mouths.
Right! That's it! I'm done! I don't have to sit here and take this.
Come on, boys.
It's time to go.
I don't want you to get to bed too late.
Why not? Cosit's supposed to be bad for you and in any case, we're not welcome here, boys.
That is what you call a child-free zone.
HE GROANS What you doing? We're getting in.
No, no you're meant to be asleep, next door.
We do it with Mum sometimes, don't we? To keep her company.
Yeah.
If we hear her on the phone, say, to Grandma and she says she's had a crap day, we do it then.
Right.
So what? She just lies there, does she? She doesn't do anything else? How'd you mean? I don't know.
She doesn't read you stories or No.
We just cuddle up.
She sometimes says "feel the love," doesn't she? Yeah.
And that's it? What else is she meant to do? Here, Dad.
What's that? Er, Matthew, it's, um I'm Fireman Sam! I'm Fireman Sam! Let me have a go.
No, no.
Wait, wait! Here, let me have a go.
Boys! Give it here! Give it.
Ow! Dad! I never touched him! You did! No, I didn't! You did! Just stop it! Both of you! I mean Just put the hat down.
Yeah? And get back in.
Right.
Now let's go to sleep.
What's it for, though, Dad? The fireman's hat? It's It's not for anything.
Now, come on, please.
Can we cuddle up, still, Dad? Of course you can.
You don't have to ask that.
Steven.
What? Can you do Sanderson's first? I've had them on the blower already.
OK.
And then the rest of your normal round.
I've already got Glen to pick up all the other stuff you missed.
What? "All the other stuff you missed.
" There's no need to say it like that.
Like what? Aggressive.
It's not aggressive.
It's a fact.
I didn't complete my round.
True.
Only you're making it out like I did it on a whim, where actually No, Steven, Steven! Stop! Stop there! I heard you, last night.
You've got your kids back in your life now.
You're bonding with them and that takes precedent.
I understand that.
It's completely natural.
You don't, though! No-one does.
No-one knows what it's really like.
To be forcibly kept apart, year on year, and what that does to a dad.
Any dad.
No matter how he fights it.
Fights what? The oddness.
What's odd? They are! The kids.
They're like Germans or something.
Lying in bed next to you.
Your children? No.
I mean, yes.
You know, to start with.
But then, like you say, nature takes over and it's all lovely.
However, it ain't easy for a bloke that's been through what I have.
And that's my point.
Didn't you get much kip last night? Eh? Well, you seem a bit Look, I'm fine! There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm going.
But you sorted yourself out, though, didn't you? What? With the lads.
You found somewhere for them to go while you're at work.
Ah! What? I've got you now.
I see what you're doing.
You could have texted me all that bollocks about Sandersons.
Steven Or Michelle could've rung us.
You just wanted to check I didn't have them with me.
You wanted to get me close enough to actually see I didn't have the kids in the cab! Don't be daft.
What's daft about it? We're mates.
Why would I? You've said that you won't do it and that's enough.
Is it? Course it is.
Band of Brothers.
You know, I know I'm majoring on that quite a lot at the moment, talking about family, because this is mine.
All the people in it, anyway.
Yeah.
Well, as long as it still seems like that to you.
What? Come on, Mart, have a look.
You know, I'm driving off in the wagon.
You're stopping here in a suit.
Mates? Only so far, eh? Are we off now then, Dad? Is this where it starts? Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
You've got odd shoes on.
Oh, yeah.
Well, how'd you manage that? Mum usually checks him before he goes out.
What? It's my reading thing.
What I can't do.
It's part of that.
I get confused.
Plus, his left and rights.
He gets them wrong and all.
Not all the time! Right.
I didn't know about that.
Well I knew there was an issue.
But I didn't know Mum made me wrist bands.
So I can tell the difference.
Oh, bollocks! I forgot.
Oi! Language! She should have told me about that.
She Properly.
Can we do the zip wire, Dad? Cos we didn't do that yesterday and we said Yeah, like I said, it depends.
I've got a lot of tips to pull in first.
But that'll be fun and all, won't it? You know, doing actual trucking work? So, what we do now is, er, we drop the turf off at another one of those big distribution centres and then it goes from there to all the garden centres all around the country.
Boys? Do you think we will get to do the zip wire, Dad? I dunno.
We'll see.
Do you want some music on? We can do that if you like.
OK.
Oh, you are joking! Come on.
Come on, work.
Work, you twat! I mean, it's annoying.
I bet it's fantastic when it ain't broken.
Yeah, it is.
It's brilliant! I only have the best in here.
There's a DVD player in the back, you know! No way?! Can I go on that? Yeah, course you can.
Are these your DVDs? Yeah.
Er, no! Shit! Sorry.
Sorry.
I remembered, they're all in foreign.
German.
Yeah, yeah, I'm learning German.
That's littering! No, it's not! There's a special truckers' bin wagon, comes along every night, picks up all the debris, especially the, er .
.
the language DVDs.
Just play on my phone! Dad.
Yeah? I need the toilet.
Use this bottle.
It's too busy to stop here.
I need a number two.
STEVEN SIGHS CAR SOUNDS HORN All right! How you doing, Matthew? I think I've finished.
HORN BEEPS Look, I'm looking after my boy! Piss off.
Dad, what is it? Uh, it's nothing! It's just a bloke I know.
I was just shouting to him.
Come on, then, if you're done.
I ain't wiped.
What? I ain't wiped me bottom.
I need toilet paper.
Ain't there any dock leaves there or something? There's a cigarette packet.
You can't use a cigarette packet! Hang on.
Use that.
Throw it in the bushes when you're done, all right? Thanks, Dad.
Sorry.
What? Sorry I made you cross.
You didn't make me cross.
I did.
I heard it in your voice.
Oh, it's fine now.
All right, just wipe your bum and let's get going.
OK.
Run a bath.
I'm going to do it How's it gone? It's gone.
Look, keep an eye on them while I'm out, will you? Out, where? The Dervish.
I need to get a beer.
I can't.
It's badminton night.
It's me and Glen against Caroline and her dad.
It's important.
Yeah, so is my bleedin' mental health! I've had them two for like 17 hours and 15 minutes, Malachi, non-stop.
They're your kids.
And? And that's how it is! I told you not to go wading in there, didn't I? Making demands.
But you wouldn't listen Hang on.
She said that she No, she didn't! Summat went off.
I'm not stupid! You went charging in, as per, and she dumped them on you! Well, sorry, Steven, that's your look out and you're not going to sub-dump them on me.
KIDS ARGUE UPSTAIRS What you doing? That isn't cleaning your teeth.
It is.
Look, put some more toothpaste on.
Now, up and down.
Up and down.
And get the gums.
Here The gums is where the problems start.
If you don't get them, then all your teeth drop out.
Good for the tooth fairy.
There isn't a tooth fairy.
Good night, boys.
Night, Dad.
And Dad, I won't get my shoes wrong tomorrow.
What? Matthew's going to check me.
Before we go.
And we're going to have a good shit, aren't we? Matthew! Sorry, Dad.
We're just saying we'll be A1.
You don't have to worry.
We won't let you down.
We'll be all ready, Dad.
We're ready now.
We can't wait.
Yeah, but, I thought you Well, today, you was It was brilliant! Apart from a couple of bits in the middle where we just seemed to be driving.
Otherwise it was ace.
It's good just being with you, Dad.
That's what we like best.
Just seeing you a bit.
Oh, don't say that.
You make it sound like I mean, you know, we did see each other.
All right, it was just Skype but that's cos you was in Derby or Spain.
I don't mean then.
I mean before.
What you on about? We were always doing stuff together.
No, we weren't, cos when mum told us we weren't going to be seeing you for a bit she made a point of saying that you was hardly ever around, anyway.
Cos of driving them tanks and then going straight onto the lorries.
538 days in total.
What? That's how many days you had at home since me and him were born.
In ten years? That's bollocks.
No.
It isn't.
She's got it written down, hasn't she? Yeah.
On each of the days you were back it said, "Steven home", so that's how she knew how long you had with us, before we moved toSpain.
538 days.
All right, look just get your heads down.
You need your sleep.
Boys.
THEY YAWN We're going to stop in a bit.
I'll get us some breakfast, some bacon and eggs and that.
Where will we have it, dad? Eh? He cooks it in the lorry, he said that.
That's what tramping is.
You know, living out your truck.
So that's what we're going to do.
We'll have all our meals in here today, and then tonight, we'll sleep in the cab and I've got a DVD for us to watch.
Not in German, though, Dad? We can't speak that.
No, no, it's-it's not in German, it's Notts County last season.
Golden goals.
It ain't very long.
That was a joke, that.
It wasn't very funny.
OK then.
Oi, oi, don't get up yet.
You can doze for a bit longer.
I'll tell you when it's time, yeah? But it's light now, Dad.
So? I'll soon solve that.
Have you got any of them things? You know, them things you take.
They're good for you.
Vitamins! I never bother, myself.
There's enough nourishment in a pint of Guinness, isn't there? If you think you're coming down with scurvy or summat, all the hops and that.
Only, I've got my lads with me.
I was banging on to them earlier on about their teeth and stuff, so best be safe, eh? Nice chatting to you anyway.
No No, no.
Oh, Christ! Oh, shit! HE PANTS Oh, shit! I-I need the police.
I need to talk to the police! HE WHIMPERS It's me.
You're looking for me.
OK, sir.
What's happened? Well, we've What have you found out? Just They can't have gone far.
I was only in there for two seconds Please! You just need to calm down a minute.
OK.
I need a full description.
Banks of England, 44-tonner.
Your children.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
HE SOBS Are we there, Dad? THEY SCREAM OK.
You tell the policeman that you're lost and then you, you give him the number that you said to me.
But Just tell the policeman! And see when you see your dad, you tell him that after I've stolen his lorry, I'm going straight back to my house, where my kids are asleep in their beds where they should be! Oh, no, no, no, no.
What's happened? What's happened to them! They're fine.
We've got them.
Come here.
Oh, God, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, God.
We're sorry, Dad.
Sorry? What you sorry for? It's not your fault.
That's what Mum said, isn't it? What? We spoke to Mum! We only knew her number, so we gave that to the policeman.
Yeah, and while he was talking to her, she got upset, didn't she? And she started shouting a bit, so they put us on! Christ.
This isn't home.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I've got to do something first.
Is it about losing the wagon, Dad? You just stay here.
Then we'll get you back to your mum's, yeah? Hey, Dad! It's not all bad news! I got the DVD! What? I got the Notts County DVD.
Off the man who was nicking the lorry.
He kept shutting his eyes, cos Matthew was making such a racket.
Sending him crackers and he wouldn't be quiet.
So one time he did it, I just grabbed it and shoved it down my trousers.
It's a bit warm, though.
So that's good, innit? Yeah.
It is.
Come here.
Thank you.
Steven.
Yeah.
I Is he around? I dunno what to say.
It's done.
There's nothing to say.
At least we've got cover this time.
Er, yeah.
I About that.
What? The insurance.
There might be a problem.
It won't be.
It went through well before yours was nicked.
I left the keys in.
That's how he could get off so easy.
I never told the cops but as well as taking the kids, I did that.
Once that's out in the open, I-I think it will probably get quite complicated.
I've kicked them round the yard a bit to scuff them up.
Insurance are bound to take a good look, so But they're They're spares.
No.
They're yours.
Which never left your person the entire trip.
I had them cut soon as I got your message.
Oh, and I took care of the kids thing and all.
I spoke to the police earlier.
Said I'd be extremely grateful if they could give me a copy of their final report without them actually in it.
I said it was a straight case of theft as far as I was concerned.
I didn't want to cause any trouble with the other thing.
You're a good employee, a solid worker, all that, who'd recently lost both his parents in a terrible air crash.
They were very understanding.
Well, that's the point, innit? You look after your mates.
Even when they're being arses.
BOYS: Mum! Mum! OK, go inside, go and see Nana.
They told me you were coming home early, so I thought Ideal opportunity for an early drop off? No.
I assumed you'd be worried so The funny thing is, I mean, this whole experience, has brought us closer together and I just think You have nothing to offer them.
What? That's why I kept them away from you.
I didn't want you tainting them.
That's not nice.
Isn't it? You just please yourself, Steven.
You're like that advert - just do it and sod the consequences and it's disgusting.
That's why I don't want my boys seeing you again and that's why if you have, at long last, started to feel some sort of connection, you will do the decent thing and you will choose to stay away from them, because you know, deep down, what kind of a bloke you are and you know that, in the long run .
.
all you're going to do for those boys is ruin them.
Steven! What are you doing here? Are you working close? Yeah, A1.
It's a bad one.
Really? Yeah, I left my uniform back in the ambulance, you know, it's a bit too much mess.
Oh.
What? It's the smell of the disinfectant, from the surgical gloves and that.
Heart paddles.
Here.
You've stopped talking.
Sorry.
You're covered in contusions.
Oh, I am.
I think one of your ribs is broken.
I'm in agony.
You will be.
Oh, you're so kind.
And you're brave.
You're like a knight, like a casualty knight.
PHONE BEEPS Ignore it.
It doesn't matter.
You're texting? It's fine.
I can do it one-handed.
You canna go that hard.
Even with the predictive on.
Well, leave it! I cannat.
But It's me little lad! It's his swimming gala, he wants me to take his different goggles down.
I've got to tell him where to meet us.
Look at him! He's a canny bairn.
He loves his sport.
Gone! Forget it! Plough the field, man.
Steven.
.
? Are you not enjoying it? Nice.
Oh, it was Seahouses.
It was like 80 degrees every day.
What's the matter? You've got a lovely family.
You've got a lovely house.
I mean, the old man paid for you to have your tits done.
You've got it perfect! What you risking all that for? With me? I've got to go.
I haven't come yet, Steven! No.
No, I've got to.
I've got to leave.
I've got to get Got to get back to your ambulance? Is that where you've got to get? What do you mean? I mean, whatever gets you through the night.
I'm an ambulance man.
No, you're not! Oh, come on.
You knew I knew.
You mean you actually.
.
? You're my little treat, Steven.
You're me afternoon frappuccino, only you don't put any weight on me bastard hips! But you're not real.
You're a fantasy.
Which is something you'd know all about, isn't it? Mel! It's me! Are you there? Jesus! Melanie? Erm, I'm just coming, love.
Just go out of the window.
It's straight onto the porch.
Er, I've just been down the gym.
Yeah? What's that smell in the kitchen? I don't know what you mean.
It stinks, man! Of Dettol, or, I don't know, TCP.
That's off of my hands.
My cock smells of your missus.
HE ROARS HE GROANS I hope she was worth it.
He was.
Thanks for coming, anyway.
It's all right.
Assumed I was the nearest.
No.
You or Bob.
Only I preferred you cos of the drunk stuff.
I-I thought it'd be better if I said it to you.
What you going on about? The rock bottom thing.
I think I'm there.
HE GROANS You do say that, though, don't you, you lot.
You have to hit that and then you can get better.
Well, yeah.
That's some of it.
Good.
In that case .
.
my name's Steven Warley and I'm a selfish bastard.
I need to talk to you.
I'm working.
Danielle Look, I've said all I've got to say to you.
Yeah, but I ain't said all I've got to say to you! And I'm going to say it! So you can either listen in here, in front of all these customers or you can listen out there, in private.
But I'm not going until I've spoke to you.
I'm not! I'll be a minute.
So what's happened? Steven I I-I had a fight.
But I more got beaten up.
I know, it's typical me, innit? What do you want? I was fine.
I was getting by but now, after a couple of days, you What do you want? I'm a twat.
Only I don't want to be any more.
And the reason I don't is them kids.
Just let me finish! Let me They're my children.
I know! Christ, I know, it's a bit late in the day but it's better late than never.
I mean it's got to be that, innit? Depends on who's saying it.
Look, I know I've not got the right but I'm asking, I'm begging for this last chance just to spend some time with them.
Cos I've wasted so much of that doing other stuff that just leaves you feeling grubby, to be honest, and, all right, you know, I-I only had them a few days and a lot of it, frankly, was borderline disastrous, but there's something there.
I know there is.
Cos now they're not with me, it's like there's something right at my core that's gone missing all of a sudden and I Please! Please I-I just want this this chance and if I can't be something good in their lives then you can tell me and I'll go, once and for all, I promise.
You'll go? If I say it ain't working? Yeah! I will.
Cos you've done such a good job with them and I trust you with how they're going to grow up more than anyone.
What? I trust you.
It's amazing what you've achieved in these last few years.
You know, they're funny and clever and Thomas has got that thing on his wrist that you made for him and You've been brilliant, without me.
I don't want to spoil that.
But I-I think I can add to it, Danielle.
I do.
I know I can give something, to the boys as well.
Only you got to let me back in to try.
So, you know, just let me hang out.
I-I-I'll learn to cook and everything, just let me be a dad to them.
And you can decide whether we continue this or not.
But you said to me that I've got nothing to offer them boys.
And that ain't true.
I love them.
Dad! Dad! Dad! You're 35 on Wednesday.
35 is middle age.
No, it's not! Hiya.
No.
No.
No, no, no! Not "hiya".
I just had Wendy on.
She's got a date.
Jesus.
He's brave.
You get one go at life.
You can you know, help yourself to everything that's on offer.
Just wondered, maybe I could pop round to yours and take you out for a bit of a spin? I'm out with me boyfriend.
Leave him! From the moment I held you in my arms and I tried to give you my breast, you were contrary and hard to love.