True Jackson, VP (2008) s01e04 Episode Script

108 - Ryan on Wheels

"True Jackson vp" was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Excuse me, miss Jackson.
Did you get my urgent business memo I emailed? "I'm really pretty, how come Mikey j doesn't even notice me?" It just doesn't make any sense.
Okay, but Lulu do you know you sent this to the entire office? Not even! True, Max gave me an assignment for you.
Oh! Well, I'm sort of already in the middle of one.
Remember the nighttime teen beachwear collection? Oh, that was just busy work to keep you out of my hair.
This is a real assignment.
Wait a minute.
You give us fake work just to keep us busy? Of course not.
By the way, where are we on counting those buttons in the supply room? - 14,620 - really? No, I don't even know where the supply room is.
Lulu dear, you have a bit of a horse laugh.
Maybe that's why Mikey j won't give you the time of day.
Exactly what is this assignment? Oh, Max wants you to start working on skateboard wear for our new Ryan Sheckler line.
Ryan Sheckler? How long have you been back there? I don't know.
What day is it? Ooh! Clearly it's not clean shirt day.
I can't believe this.
Every day I listen to boring things about well, skirts and dresses and then all of a sudden Ryan Sheckler.
I mean come on! It's Ryan Sheckler! Can one of you please get this thing off me? We'll be looking at your designs tomorrow.
Please don't disappoint us.
Why did she have to say that? I hate disappointing people.
Not me.
I think it's funny.
Ryan Sheckler.
I still can't believe it.
Could you imagine if we became friends? We'd be like a two-headed Ryan dragon.
We'd spit fire of awesomeness, yeah! Ooh! I'm guessing it's not toothbrush day either! bye now.
Well that might be a new record.
For the life of me, I don't understand why my assistants keep quitting.
I mean, seriously, Oscar, tell me.
I'm stumped.
- It's probably because you're so mean.
- Mean? - You know, rotten.
- Yeah, I know what "mean" is.
But you couldn't be more wrong.
- If anything, I'm lovely.
Right? - If you say so.
If I say so? Why aren't you saying so? Well you did make your last assistant pick up your dry cleaning.
- So? - It was in Canada.
Fine, I'll prove it to you.
Tell personnel to send me up a new assistant and I'll show you just how sweet and warm I can be.
Now? - No, in a year you insufferable little troll.
Oh, we have fun.
Thanks for trying on my new skatewear designs Ryan.
It will be good to get some positive feedback from a real skateboarder.
Is this some kind of a sick joke? Is that skateboard lingo for " these shorts are awesome.
" Are you crazy? Why do these shorts have such a giant butt? It's padding for when you fall down.
Falling down is half the fun! And why is there a screwdriver hanging off the side? That was my idea.
It's to tighten your wheels.
I like it.
It's functional.
Maybe if the function is to get a screwdriver stuck in your leg.
I wouldn't be caught dead in these fat butt shorts at the quog! - What's the quog? - What?! You're designing skateboarding clothes and you don't know what the quog is? Well, that's it, I'm done here, done.
The quog is a super cool skate club I go to in an abandoned warehouse with a half-pipe.
- What's a half-pipe? - What's a half-pipe? A half-pipe is a u-shaped ramp for skating.
Who doesn't know that? Okay, well can Lulu and I come with you to check out the quorg? I don't think so.
They have a rule about girls.
- What's the rule? - They're not allowed.
It'd be too distracting.
- That doesn't seem fair.
- Yeah! The quig sounds lame.
Quog! Quog! All right, all right, that's it.
That's it.
I am going to leave for real this time while I still have my dignity.
That stinks.
- I wish we could go to the quorg.
- Quog! - Oh, we're going.
- How? - Yo man.
What's shaking? - Oh, hey true.
True? Nah, nah, nah.
My name is Larry.
I'm visiting.
I love football and fart jokes.
- And you are so cute.
- How did you know it was me? Uh, I have eyes.
Who's your friend? - I'm Lou.
- Nice to meet you Lou.
- How do you know true? - Are you kidding? It's Lulu.
What? No.
Oh my gosh, that's amazing.
- What it do, lady? - Hello true.
Who's your friend? What? I can't believe it.
Come on, Lou, let's go check out some skateboarders.
I'm Amanda Crankwell's new assistant.
When's my break? Well, hello hello.
So nice to meet you.
- I'm Amanda Cantwell.
- Dave.
- Oh! What a pretty name! - Yeah, I was named after my great-aunt Dave.
- So, where do I sit? - Oh excellent.
Excited to dive right in.
That's my office and this is where you sit.
- Do you type? - Like a bear.
And just out of curiosity, do you know anything about fashion? Hello? I wore my fancy suit, didn't I? Welcome aboard! Actually, I'm kind of a neat freak and I don't know where your hands have been.
- Radical.
- Awesome.
- Radical.
- Awesome.
- Sup? - How you doing? I don't really like to talk about my feelings because I'm a dude, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I guess! I think I know you.
You're that guy, Ryan right? I see my reputation precedes me.
You hang out with those two hot chicks, true and Lulu, don't you? - Yeah.
- Pretty amazing! That true girl is the vice president of a huge fashion company.
Yeah, well, she's sort of my front.
You know, I give her all her good ideas.
So that Lulu girl is really pretty.
Why do you think Mikey j won't give her the time of day? - I don't know.
He is kind of a doof.
- Not even! - Hold it together! - He smells great - and he is really strong! - Are you kidding me? Get over here.
What are you guys doing? You're going to ruin everything! People respect me here.
I can't have you blowing my credibility.
Look, we are not going to do anything embarrassing.
I like your pants.
Just do me a favor and stay away from me.
- Fine.
Be that way.
- Whatever.
- Radical.
- Awesome.
What's going on? - Nothing.
- I heard that.
Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions? Nah, go ahead.
Do you like when your shorts and your skateboard match? I guess so.
- Where do you carry your screwdriver? - I don't have a screwdriver! - Radical.
- Awesome.
Do you wish your helmet looked like a cool hat? Nah, that'd be lame.
Like that guy.
- Who? Ryan? - Is that his name? All I know is he's always strutting around talking about dragons.
He's a poser.
Always acting like he is the dynamite, but he's got permanent swellbow.
What are you talking about? He's probably the best guy here.
Yeah, well, if he wants to impress me, he can sign up for the exhibition tomorrow.
Let's see him try to air a roastbeef roundup, niiiice.
I only understood about half those words.
I just feel bad for Ryan.
I mean, that guy was way out of line.
We could sign him up for the exhibition thing, so he can show everybody that he's really good.
You know what? Every now and then you come up with a great idea.
You did what now?! Amanda Cantwell speaking.
Oh, hi Max yes, I see him in the lobby right now.
Yes he is.
Okay, I'll tell him.
Kopelman Max says to put that candy apple down.
It's enough already.
Is that all Max? And the candy bar in your left breast pocket? Okay, we'll see you next Wednesday.
Oscar, where's my assistant? What do you think you're doing? Taking a nap.
Eating a sandwich.
My phones are ringing off the hook.
That doesn't even make sense.
Hey! Get out there right now before I rip your head off and take you to a beautiful restaurant to celebrate.
Would you like that? - Sure.
- Of course, you would.
Uh-oh, the phone's ringing.
Would you be a lamb and see who it is? - Amanda Crankwell's office.
- It's Cantwell.
Either way.
You're enjoying this, aren't you? A little, but seriously, how long can you keep up this nice routine? As long as it takes.
- Amanda Crankwell's office.
- Cantwell! Oh, hey Frank, it's me! It's for me.
Yeah, sure I'd go to the movies.
What time is it playing? Oh, Amanda, I've got a doctor's appointment at 3:30.
How can you just sit there working after you've destroyed my life? We were only trying to defend you.
How were we supposed to know you can't skateboard? You said you were amazing.
Yeah, I also said I can do 500 chin-ups when the actual number is like two.
How can I ever show up there again? I mean, after I blow off the competition they are going to know I'm a fake.
- Unless - what? You do the competition and nail it.
Oh that's a great idea! And then after, me and my supermodel girlfriend can take a ride over the city on my flying dragon.
Okay, first of all Ryan, you need to cool it with all the dragon talk.
Second, all your problems are up here.
Your feet and your legs don't know that you're awful.
They just listen to your head.
Well, that's really good.
You can use that when you speak at my funeral.
Do you think Mikey j will be at your funeral? I should wear something nice.
But I'm serious Ryan, you can do anything.
Yeah, well, thanks for the pep talk, but unless you can pull off some kind of miracle, I'm not doing it.
- Hi.
- Sheckler! - He's a big fan.
- I can tell.
- What's going on man? - All he talks about is skateboarding.
Most of it sounds like gibberish.
Oh yeah, what's your favorite trick? - Pretending I can skate.
- What? Ryan here is afraid to get on a skateboard.
Well here you go, man.
You can totally do it.
Okay, can I ask you a couple questions? No man, you need to go.
- Any messages for me? - Some guy named angelo called repeatedly.
Yeah, he could be real annoying that way.
Don't quote me because he could be unpredictable too, like this one time he got all dressed up like a clown and hid in my closet all covered in ketchup.
Yes, well, would you mind going to the mailroom for me? I have some packages waiting for me.
Ahh, no can do.
I've got a trick knee ever since the war.
- What war? - Aah, you got me.
I wasn't in any war.
But seriously, I don't want to.
They let the girls in when they're putting on a show, so we can drool all over them, disgusting.
That guy with the long hair is hot! Here's our boy! How are you feeling, Ryan? Honestly, I'm feeling pretty good.
I really think I'm going to earn the crowd's respect today.
Hey dude.
2005 called.
He wants his skateboard back.
Oh! There he is.
Hey, thanks for holding this for me.
Really appreciate it.
- No problem.
- So, psyched to fall on your head? Should be pretty funny.
Yeah, you want to know what's going to be funny? The sound of your jaw dropping when you see me shred.
- You tell him Ryan.
- Hey, you look familiar.
- You have a twin brother? - Yeah, yeah.
Dj snazzy Jason in the house.
Want to send a shout-out to my girlfriend Arlene.
You and me forever baby.
I love you.
Now calling to the stage, number 2012.
Time to make history.
Oh, and by the way, after everybody sees me today, I'm probably going to get sponsored, and guess what smart guy? No autographs.
- Whatever, mouth, see you at your funeral.
- Oh, that's what you think.
But you're not invited to my funeral.
But Mikey j is, right? - Here goes nothing.
- We believe in you, Ryan.
Always have.
- He's going to kill himself.
- Don't be so sure.
People can surprise you.
What's up suckas? Next up is Ryan.
Is this a joke? Okay, Ryan Laserbeam! - He's pretty amazing, huh? - I can't believe this.
- How am I doing out there? - Ryan! Look at me.
Even better than I thought I'd be.
Will someone please explain to me what's going on here? It's called a Texas switch.
Ryan fell off the ramp, but somebody else got up.
- Who? - Ryan Sheckler.
I convinced him to be our Ryan for the competition.
- Why didn't you guys tell me? - Because you can't keep a secret.
Good thinking! That guy, Laserbeam, is sick.
He's doing things I have never even seen before.
This is the best moment of my life.
Thanks true.
You really came through for me.
You're a good friend.
So are you.
Alright, well, I've got to go get ready for my big finish.
- Ryan, you're the best! - Woooo! - Dude you killed it.
- And then you gave it mouth to mouth, revived it, and killed it again.
Dude, I totally got to apologize, bro.
I thought you were a poser.
Don't sweat it.
Easy mistake.
The important thing is that you know I'm the king.
- Yeah, long live the king! - Thank you, thank you.
That one was really me! Yes! Thank you! I don't suppose you want to go down to the supply room and get me some fabric samples.
Are we in sync or what? Oh, by the way, I won't be in till noon tomorrow.
- I am getting cable.
- Whatever.
Come on Amanda.
I've never seen you like this.
Just fire him already.
No, I said I was going to prove something.
The job is super cush and the boss is a complete push-over.
Hey, that was long distance.
Get your filthy, stinky feet off the desk.
You're fired.
- What? - Fired.
Now get out.
And take that smug grin and six dollar suit with you.
If you are not out of the building in 40 seconds, I'll have security come after you with a bat.
You are so mean.
You have no idea.
- Where's Dave? - Who? - Dave, my assistant.
- Oh yes, he quit.
Quit? Really? I just don't get it.
They always quit.
It doesn't even matter if I'm nice or not nice.
So you know what? I am not even going to bother anymore.
Call personnel and tell them to send me a new assistant.
Now? No in 20 years, you insufferable little troll! Welcome back, Amanda.
What's wrong? It's going to make me sound really selfish.
No, what is it? I was really looking forward to Ryan's funeral so I could hang out with Mikey j.
- Lulu! - I told you it was going to make me sound bad.
Man, that was ri-donk-ulous! You know, you're probably the second best guy who's ever skated in this place.
- The second best? - Oh well, well, you know, I mean, after the turk.
- The turk skated here? - It's what they say.
That guy is a legend.
I spent a year of my life looking for the turk.
- Did someone say my name? - The turk! He does exist! Now, let me show you two turds how it's done.