True Jackson, VP (2008) s02e02 Episode Script
Flirting with Fame
True Jackson VP was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Hey, True.
Lulu, what's in that thing? Not much.
Some snacks, a power drill, the dictionary, my lucky brick and, uh Is Ryan reading the newspaper? That doesn't seem like something he'd do.
I've seen him eat a newspaper, but only because they had a realistic picture of a burger in it.
Ladies.
What's with the paper? Oh, I'm just catching up on all this turmoil overseas.
Really? No.
I'm reading the help-wanteds.
Why? Well, I saw these awesome sneakers, and when I asked my mom for them, she was like, "yeah, like that's gonna happen.
" So I'm gonna get a job.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
I'm doing an impression of your mom.
So what kind of job are you looking for? Something where I get paid to read comic books and eat donuts.
You're not talking about my job, are you? Sorta.
Who's that? Must be one of the new students.
What new students? One of 'em just moved here from Chicago and the other transferred from taft high.
I remember what it was like on my first day at school.
It was hard, you know, not knowing anyone.
You knew me.
And me.
And Shelly and Kelsey and moose.
Actually, we knew, like, everyone.
Oh, yeah.
But still, let's try to make the new guys feel welcome.
Hi, I'm True.
Nice to meet you, I'm Justin.
How are you liking our school so far? Oh, it's better than my old school.
Teacher always grounding me, making me eat vegetables and take out the trash.
Did I mention I was home-schooled? What's mad style? That's where I work.
What is it, like a store? More like an international fashion company.
I'm kind of the vice president.
For real? You got a bunch of responsibility? Yeah, but it's cool, I don't get insecure about it at all.
So you come from taft? I'm not really here to make friends.
This is High School.
That's all we do.
Fine, we're friends.
Now goodbye.
Gosh, I have the meanest new friend.
What do you have in your mouth? Picture of a donut.
There's a new kid in our school.
Ooh, is he a single No.
Then this conversation is over.
Good morning, all.
I hope you like the new chairs I bought for the conference room.
Does anyone not like them? What's the occasion, Mr.
Madigan? Mad style sales are up in four of our top five lines.
Let me guess.
Our teen line is down.
No, no.
That's up 300%.
Of course it is.
But our casual line is down for the third straight quarter, which is strange since we're such a casual company.
Oh, you were serious? You don't think we're casual? Well, that's not the first word I'd use to describe the company.
In fact, I've made a list and It's 83rd.
I'm shocked.
Well, no offense, Mr.
Madigan, but you guys dress pretty fancy every day.
That's not True at all.
Look, I only tied a double windsor in my necktie, as opposed to the more formal cavendish.
And this dress, which is a custom-made cardellini, has a whisper of cotton woven into the fabric.
Does it really? Touch it.
No wonder it's I dare you.
Lovely knot.
Thank you.
You guys, you can hear yourselves, right? Fancy neckties, custom-made dresses.
Regular people don't live that way.
I wonder if our True has a point.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We roll up True in some carpet and ship her to Paraguay? Amanda.
Maybe we can be a bit stuffy here.
Perhaps our casual line would be better served if we tried to dress down every now and then.
We could have casual day.
Good idea.
Amanda, alert the entire office tomorrow is casual day.
Anyone not dressed as such will be fired.
Fired? Well, doesn't that seem excessive? You were just talking about rolling me up in some carpet.
Still Then it's settled.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try and see if I can buy some of those denim trousers hoodlums used to wear in the fifties.
Blue jeans? Exactly.
You certainly know your fashion history, True.
From my head to my toes it's all real and you know fresh and cool it's just what I do t-r-u-e j-a-c-k-s-o-n v-p working at a grown-up job I never really knew I could work this hard used to sit at home and watch tv now I'm in an office as the new vp I'm always setting trends with my two best friends when things get out of hand we have a plan we're just messin' around and we're makin' new ground for the whole wide world to see if you see us in town you know it's goin' down 'cause I'm the new vp Oscar, you look great.
Thanks.
Although you do realize you're still wearin' an ascot.
Sure, but it's the one I wear to the gym, so Take it off.
And your under-ascot.
I'll give it back to you at the end of the day.
I barely recognize everyone out of their monkey suits.
Is Mr.
Madigan in yet? No, which is odd.
He's usually very punctual.
Morning.
Mr.
Madigan! Are you okay? More than okay.
I walked to work today, and I stopped at a little stand where a man sold me a hot dog.
Did you know you can just buy a hot dog right there on the street? Yes.
You can buy bagels, too.
True, I was born at night, but not last night.
I like your shorts, Mr.
Madigan.
Thank you.
They have 47 pockets.
Some of the pockets have pockets.
Oop, it's probably the vet.
My Cat has mono.
Did you see Mr.
Madigan's legs? I was trying so hard not to laugh.
I think casual day's gonna be a good thing.
Maybe it'll help people mellow out.
Augh! Is this wretched day ever going to end? What's wrong? What's wrong?! I look like Janis joplin.
That's what's wrong.
I don't know who that is.
Is she a friend of yours? Oscar, I'm instructing you to move all the clocks in the office forward three hours.
Do it now.
What? Come on, Amanda.
It's fun to dress differently.
No, it's not.
The entire world is upside down, inside out and backwards.
Don't you think you're exaggerating? Forget I asked.
Morning, everyone.
Janis.
Ryan, you look amazing.
Oh, I know.
I have a job interview, so my mom bought me a suit.
Wait, she wouldn't buy you sneakers but she bought you a suit? Nobody ever accused my mother of being un-crazy.
So who's your interview with? Galaxy airlines.
They have an opening for the executive vice president.
What? You can't be a vice president.
Why not? You're a vice president.
Yes, but that's partly because I have an interest in fashion.
What do you know about airplanes? I know they sound really cool.
Eeeeeeeerrrmm! That's a pretty good airplane imitation.
Thank you, Jimmy.
And I'm not just saying that.
You know, I do some impressions myself.
Yeah? What do you do? I do a pretty good cow.
I don't wanna brag.
Jimmy, do you have any of my mail in there? I'm expecting a very important work catalog.
The only thing I have in here is from snow kone city.
That's it! I'm getting one of these and putting it in the corner, right next to shoot-a-bucket.
We don't have a shoot-a-bucket.
We will.
It's on back-order.
Oh, Jimmy, can you give me a ride somewhere? Sure, hop on.
No, I mean, in your car.
You have a car, right? Yeah, it's my grandmother's.
I'll introduce you.
She sits in the back seat.
Cool.
What are you eating? Hot dog.
Mr.
Madigan paid that cart guy to set up in the reception area.
I thought I smelled Sauerkraut as if I'm not having enough trouble concentrating on work.
Why? What are you thinking about? I knew it.
I knew you liked him.
He's just so nice and cute and we had the most intense conversation after homeroom.
Oh, yeah? What does he like to do? I have no idea.
What are his hobbies? Didn't say.
What's his last name? Didn't come up.
Oh, my gosh, you two are made for each other.
I know, right? You know what you should do? You should ask him out.
Lulu.
I'm serious.
What's the worst that could happen? He could say no.
That wouldn't be the worst.
The worst would be if he said no and then dumped a can of spiders on you and then started making out with another girl.
Now I really don't wanna ask him out.
Why not? You guys are perfect together.
We sorta are.
I saw the way he smiled at you.
He totally liked you.
Really? I'll make you a bet.
If you ask him out and he says no, I'll kiss a pigeon.
Lulu, you hate pigeons.
I know.
They're like rats rolled in filth, dipped in disease, with feathers attached to them.
Okay, I'll ask him out.
I'm furious.
Did the cart guy run out of Sauerkraut? Yes, but that's not why I'm furious.
Max is so relaxed that I can't get him to approve my designs.
Every time I try to talk to him he tells me to chillax, which fyi, is not in the dictionary.
It's not? It should be.
Let me check my dictionary.
Hold this.
Eww.
You call this a resume? Yes, I do.
It's a blank sheet of paper with your name at the top.
Why don't we just write the words "vice" and "president" underneath, and I'll be on my way? You got chutzpah, kid.
Anybody ever tell you that? If it's a fear of rabbits, I already know.
Hey, what's this? It's an airplane on a stick.
Put it down.
So what do you say? I'd say a couple of grade-a lunatics just walked into my office.
But maybe this company needs a little lunacy.
You're hired.
I am? He is? Yes! And you are, too.
As what? A pilot.
I've been in the business a long time and one thing I know for sure.
You look like a pilot.
Either of you feel like tossing the disc? As fun as that sounds, I got a lot of work to get done.
Bummer.
Well, if you change your mind, I'll be under the balto statue in central park.
Kopelman, think fast! Bull's-eye.
Hah ha ha ha ha! Did you see his knees? Lulu, you've gotta be respectful.
Of course, I did.
They look like two fuzzy doorknobs.
Meet the new vice president of galaxy airlines.
You got the job? Awesome.
Who are you calling? My aunt.
She's supposed to fly on galaxy next month.
I'd better tell her to cancel.
Calm down, I have nothing to do with the flights.
I'm only there to come up with original ideas.
Oh, here's one.
Get rid of all the chairs in the airplanes and replace them with beanbag chairs! Beanbag chairs? I'm supposed to be coming up with good ideas.
Not great ones! I'm gonna write that down.
Where's Jimmy? Oh, he's got a commuter flight to Baltimore.
They made him a pilot.
I'm calling my aunt.
This is your Captain speaking.
We're currently cruising at an altitude of 30,000 feet.
Anyone know where Baltimore is? Oh, wait.
I can see it.
There's Justin.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna ask him out.
You think that's a good idea? What are you talking about? It was your idea.
You were super confident.
I know, but this whole pigeon thing's got me spooked.
What if it gets me sick? Or worse, what if I actually like it? Then all I'll wanna do is kiss pigeons.
Good luck with that.
Wait.
Try not to do that loud talking thing you sometimes do when you get nervous.
Please.
I'm in control.
Hi, Justin! Hey, Justin.
So how's it going? Good.
Just getting to know my way around the school.
Hey, why does that hallway by the gym smell so bad? Oh, you mean poop-smell hallway? Legend has it an old janitor died while he was using the bathroom and now he poops for all eternity.
That did not come up at orientation.
So I know some places in school that don't smell so bad.
Like the grassy area at the far end of the track.
It's the perfect place for two people to sit and get to know each other better.
Good to know.
Oh, unless javelin practice is goin' on, then you have a good chance of gettin' a spear through your head.
That happened once.
They didn't talk about any of this in orientation.
I feel like I don't know you that well.
What do you like to do? Go to the movies.
What's your favorite sport? Football.
What's your last name? Webber.
Wanna go on a date? Definitely.
Great.
But I probably can't.
You know, homework and stuff and things of that nature.
I thought for sure Justin was gonna say yes.
I'm so bummed.
You're bummed? I'm the one that has to kiss a pigeon.
Lulu, it's okay.
You don't have to do it.
Really? Awesome.
Although What? This is gonna sound creepy, but I saw kind of a cute one on the way in.
He had his feathers parted on the side.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's creepy.
Just don't tell Mikey J.
, okay? He gets really jealous.
Why do you think Justin said no? It seemed like we had a real connection.
Look, this is gonna sound odd.
What? Is it about a pigeon again? No.
I don't know how to tell you this, but I saw kyla give him a look right before he said no.
What kind of look? A look like, don't go out with her.
But I thought they didn't know each other.
>>On are boyfriend and girlfriend? Maybe.
Or kyla's a stalker and Justin's afraid of her.
Oscar, has the mail arrived? I don't know.
Jimmy called a while ago from minneapolis-st.
Paul to say he's running late.
What's he doing there? This is your Captain speaking.
I kinda have to hit the can.
Somebody wanna come up here and steer? Well, have him see me when he gets in.
I'm just glad True's little dress-like-a-filthy-hippie day is over.
Hola.
Max! Casual day was yesterday.
I know, but it was so nice, I got to thinking, why not live a more casual life every day? Because no one's getting any work done? Oh, that's not True.
We can be just as productive as we've always been.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be asleep in my office.
I blame you for this.
What else is new? Beanbag chairs? You want me to replace the seats in coach with beanbag chairs? I love beanbag chairs! I'm giving you a raise.
Awesome.
Would you like to hear my idea about laser no, sir.
That's enough for one day.
I'm going to lunch.
Lobster, lobster, lobster.
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Jimmy.
How diu I didn't.
I came in for some candy.
Wanna get some lunch? Sure, where? Dallas-fort worth.
Still stewing about Justin? How can you tell? Hey.
Justin! Oh! What are you doing here? I remember you said you worked at mad style, and I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop by.
Oh.
What's up? Yeah, what's up? I feel really bad about how things went down earlier.
You do? Oh, you do? Uh, Lulu? Uh, Lulu.
Oh.
Sorry.
Oscar, I need you to call security.
We went over this earlier.
Mr.
Madigan is allowed to wear shorts.
No.
I think that girl's a stalker.
So what's up? Look, I like you.
You do? Yeah.
I like you, too.
Why'd you put a "k" at the end of my name? No, no, that's "justink.
" There's a new cologne we're promotin'.
Horrible name but smells real nice.
Lavender, cucumbers and ranch dressing.
I'd buy it.
So can I ask what happened today? I mean, it seemed like everything was going great, and then Kyla.
Yeah, she can be a little protective.
But I thought you guys went to different schools.
Not exactly.
Well, who is she? Your girlfriend? No.
Your sister? No.
Your girlfriend? I already said no to that.
She's my bodyguard.
Your bodyguard? Why would you need a bodyguard? I can't really tell you.
Justin! Look, I'm not just a kid, okay? I mean, I'm a kid, but I'm not just a regular kid.
I'm lost.
Hello, kyla.
Not now, little girl.
Little girl? I thought we were friends.
Keep your voice down.
I don't want any trouble.
Well, you got trouble.
Because when you mess with True ooh.
What just happened? I'm gonna let you go.
But if you try anything, I'm gonna handcuff you to that chair.
Excuse me Little help? Look, I have a big job, just like you and maybe that's why I thought we might have a connection.
Well, what's your job? I'll give you a hint.
To be or not to be, boyyyyyy.
Wow, that's a pretty good li'l Shakespeare imitation.
Are you an impressionist? No, I'm li'l Shakespeare.
If you're li'l Shakespeare, where's your diamond skull? No way! What about your dreadlocks? It's fake.
Your gold tooth? Fake.
Your giant ears? My what? Never mind.
I can't believe this.
I mean, I have all your cds.
What are you doing at p.
S.
121-and-a-half? Trying to get an education.
I figure if I'm gonna rap about Shakespeare, I might as well have some knowledge to back it up.
You know, I'm pretty good at Shakespeare.
I could tutor you.
I'd like that.
So kyla's your bodyguard.
Yeah, the record label assigned her to me.
She's tough, but totally cool.
Unless you touch her, then she goes bonkers.
I'm guessing somebody touched kyla.
Good night, Mr.
Jenkins.
Good night, sir.
Excellent work today, boys.
I'm having the fellas in marketing look at your glass-bottom airplane idea.
Cool.
Oh, quick thought.
What if we served free pancakes in coach? Pancakes make people sleepy, and a sleepy customer is a good customer.
That's madness.
But it just might work, right? Are you trying to bankrupt this company with your free pancakes? I suppose next you'll be wanting to hand out free syrup.
Well, you can't have pancakes without syrup.
You're fired! But you can't just not another word.
Get out.
Am I fired, too? No, sir.
I have never seen anyone look more like a pilot than you.
Now get back to work.
Oscar, don't tell anyone this, but True and I are going to school with li'l Shakespeare.
Well, don't tell anyone this, but I don't know who that is.
He's a huge star.
Haven't you ever heard of much ado about nuthin'? Hey.
Ryan, where's your suit? Oh, it's in here.
I lost the job.
I'm sorry.
No, that's okay.
I got three weeks severance pay, so I was able to buy these.
The biggest, coolest, most uncomfortable shoes I have ever owned.
Well, this has been a completely wasted day.
What's wrong, Amanda? I've been waiting for Max to approve my designs, but all he wants to do is listen to reggae and play hacky sack.
And every time I try to talk to him, he tells me I need to go to chilladelphia, which, fyi, is not a real place.
Oscar, get Mr.
Madigan to come to my office.
Will do.
There's no petting zoo in here.
Mr.
Madigan, now, can I show you something? It may be bit shocking, but I think you need to see it.
I see.
And are you suggesting this is what I look like? It's a mirror.
Aha.
Well, this is embarrassing.
Will one of you be a lamb and fetch me a suit.
Is it Italian? As Italian as noodles.
Actually, noodles are from China.
So is the suit.
I haven't seen Jimmy at all today.
Where is he? This is your Captain speaking.
Please enjoy some in-flight music.
Hey, are we lost? Ooh, miss park, those flowers are nice.
I'm glad you like them.
They're for you.
Really? From you? No.
From some boy.
Then why are they on your desk? Because they're mine now.
"Thinking of you, True.
" Signed, j.
"J"? What did she say? Thank you.
And what did you say? You're welcome.
Why? Well, I don't know.
All right, class, today we will be discussing statistics.
On your desks, you will find two cards.
I want you to write down a number between 1 and 100 and a color.
I bet me and Mikey J will get everything in common.
We're totally connected, you know.
Not as much as me and my girlfriend, Kelsey.
Not your girlfriend.
You keep saying that, I might start believing it.
Hold up your numbers.
Notice that no two of you have the same Oh, that's interesting.
Kelsey and Mikey J.
Both have the number 27.
What do you think the odds of that are? Kyla? Don't know, don't care.
Wrong.
True? One in a hundred? Exactly, but the odds are over one in a thousand that those two would have the same color.
You have the same color too? No way.
Crazy, right? Oh come on.
Burnt sienna? What are the odds of that? One in a thousand.
Weren't you listening? With a special connection.
Yes? Are we ever gonna learn actual stuff in this class? Or are we just gonna do carnival tricks? My family pays taxes.
I want an education.
Sorry I'm late.
My bus driver got a phone call from his wife saying he won the lottery.
He pulled over, showed us his butt and left.
We had to talk some old man into driving us the rest of the way.
You lost me at "bus.
" Anyway, while Max is away, the most capable and worthy successor to the throne will be in charge, me.
Where's Mr.
Madigan? He's taken Doris on vacation to celebrate their quarter-versary.
I'll bet they went somewhere really glamorous.
Where are they? Paris? London? Fartwhistle, Arkansas.
Apparently, they have a ball of string the size of an office building.
For real? I hope they take pictures.
Anyway, before we begin, does anyone have any announcements? Is it about the bow tie? Everyone, Kopelman bought a ridiculous bow tie.
Anything else? I've got something! Is it work related? Kind of.
I like this boy at school and he sent me flowers.
How is that work-related? We're talking about him and I'm at work? Sorry.
Today we will be welcoming a small film crew, who'll be shooting me for a piece called "30 under 30.
" Under 30? Why are they filming you? I happen to be 28 years old.
Got it.
Some say that a passion for mail delivery makes a person seem weak.
But I think it's heroic.
You tell 'em, kid! That's Hank, my supervisor.
He's got a voice box and a heart of gold.
And a wooden leg.
And a metal cup where his nose used to be.
Anyway, as you can s see, life in the mailroom is pretty exciting.
Just this morning I found out I'm up for a postal internship in Washington.
Jimmy? Oh, hey Amanda.
I was just telling these guys about mail.
No one cares about mail.
Okay, roll 'em.
We're already rolling.
Hmm, Webster's defines genius as uh, Amanda, you might wanna move over a little.
Don't tell me where I can or cannot stand.
Ha ha, joke's on you.
That didn't even hurt.
Hey, True.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
You know, we miss you around here in the mornings now that you're back at school.
It's not as much fun.
Although Amanda did just get hit on the head with a box.
That sounds awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Hank laughed so hard his voice-box shorted out.
Oh, wait, do you remember the time we ordered Sushi and Amanda thought the spicy green stuff was a gumball? She was all, "my throat's on fire.
" Hey, do you wanna grab lunch later? There's that new place on the corner, s'more plantation.
S'more plantation? Yeah, but it's not just desserts.
They've got meat s'mores, seafood s'mores.
I heard the chicken parma s'more is pretty good.
I don't know.
I'm not really in the mood for Italian.
I'll take a rain check.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Hey, True.
Hey.
What are you eating? Breakfast s'more.
You know, canadian bacon, poached egg, marshmallow.
Can I talk to you about something? I can't tell if me and Justin are dating.
Well, have you been on a date? No.
I don't think you're dating.
But we talk on the phone every night.
And he sent me flowers.
That's a big thing, right? I guess.
You guess? They were purple lilies.
Those aren't cheap.
Well, yeah, but he's a big rap star.
They don't have to pay for things.
All he has to do is say the word flowers in an interview and he gets them free forever.
Oh, I've seen a bunch of his interviews and I've never heard him talk about flowers.
All he does is talk about sneakers.
Which are free! I'm gonna get something from the break room.
As you might imagine, I'm constantly being inundated with calls from New York's biggest movers and shakers.
Oscar, any messages? Yes, New York movers called, they found your piano.
And New York shakers says your salt shakers are ready for pickup.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, that Oscar, such a kidder.
He's getting fired.
What's that? But mad style isn't all about fun and games.
Under my supervision, things run in a very serious, sophisticated manner.
Amanda, can I be excused to go back to school? I wanna see that boy I like, and we're having weenie casserole for lunch! Cut.
Uh, we don't really do that.
We just keep rolling.
I see.
Well, let's just start over again then, shall we? Oscar, any messages? Yes, your plastic surgeon called.
Your new nose is in.
Okay, let's try a little experiment.
Just for fun, think of a color.
I don't really want to.
Think of a color.
Fine.
Okay, got it.
Is it pink? Nope.
Is it green? No.
Is it pink? I already said no.
What are you guys doing? He's trying to guess the color I'm thinking of.
Indigo? Yes! Oh, I was about to say indigo.
Maybe you're just a really good guesser.
Try guessing the color I'm thinking of.
Orange.
Right.
Hey, Mrs.
lovejoy.
Weenie casserole, please, heavy on the weenies.
I'm starving! Sorry, baby, all out.
What's this? Turkey Hawaii.
It's principal ruckman's personal recipe.
Don't eat it.
I beg you not to eat it.
Thanks.
Looks great, principal ruckman.
You're welcome, True.
You're a good kid.
Lulu.
Oh, hi, True.
What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the break room.
I got lost? Fine.
I wanted to have lunch with Mikey J.
Lotta fun that turned out to be.
What's wrong? What's wrong is he and Kelsey have this psychic connection.
It's driving me and Ryan batty, and we can't do anything about it.
Unless you and Ryan pretend to have some sort of psychic connection.
See how they like it.
That's a great idea.
Hey, kyla.
Oh, hi, True.
Where's Justin? He had to leave early to go to rehearsal.
Oh, really? Why didn't you go with him? I got detention.
Apparently, it's not okay to spin-kick the hall monitor, no matter how obnoxious he is.
That's marsh McCall.
He's a bit of a doof.
Well, now he's a doof with a footprint on his face.
I really wish Justin was here.
You don't understand how much I look forward to seeing him every day.
I mean, it's like I wake up in the morning and everything is gray, but the second I see him, bam! Hello, sunshine.
It's like somebody dropped a house on the witch! True I wonder if it's too soon to introduce him to my parents even though my dad will be all, "no, True, he's a rapper.
"He's probably got 'thug' written on his belly!" True.
If I were you, I might wanna take things a little slower with Justin.
Why would I wanna do that? Because Justin's going on tour next month.
He'll probably be gone till the end of the year.
Hey, True.
Hey, Jimmy.
So I got some exciting news today.
I found out that I'm a finalist for a big postal internship in D.
C.
Wow, that's cool.
Yeah, but if I get it, it means I'd be gone for two whole years.
Two whole years? Who's gonna try out the terrible new restaurants in our neighborhood? Like that gross fish place.
Yesterday's fish? It wasn't that bad.
It had a lot of bathrooms.
Still, it won't be the same without you.
Well, I don't even know if I have it yet.
Hank says it's really political.
Well, if you really want it, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Thanks.
You must be wondering why someone with my talents isn't ruling my own empire.
Well, there's no shame in being second in command.
In fact, Max Madigan often says that when he thinks of number two, he thinks of me.
Psssst.
I'm reminded of my early days in fashion.
The smells, the excitement Psssst.
What is it? Remember that boy I like? No.
The one I mentioned in the staff meeting? Right before you lost control and started screaming that nobody takes you seriously? Take a fiver, boys.
We don't do that.
Do you eat your own teeth? Because you're about to.
All right, moppet, spill.
What did your little zit-faced casanova do? Kiss another girl? Text you a frowny face? Well, I wish it was that simple.
He's a nice guy really.
He's just got a secret sorta not supposed to tell anybody.
Even someone who couldn't care less? I guess it would be okay.
He's a rappe d li'l Shakespeare! Oh, really? Does he have "thug" written on his belly? No! What's with you grown-ups? Anyway, I found out he's going on tour and he's gonna be gone for months.
I'm really sad.
You're sad? I should be running my own empire by now.
Amanda, can this be about me? True, you're smart and you're successful.
If this boy doesn't have time for you, then goodbye.
It's his loss.
Thanks, Amanda.
You're right.
It's too bad you sent that camera crew away.
That pep talk would have been great for your documentary.
Wait.
Do you mind doing a second take? Morning, True.
Hello, Justin.
Whoa, did it just get 20 degrees colder in here? I wouldn't know.
I'm not a thermometer.
Which sounded more clever in my head.
Are you upset because I had to go to rehearsal yesterday? Whatever.
Look, you have a job.
You know how it is.
Okay? Justin wanted to be here, but li'l Shakespeare's gotta do what he's gotta do.
Right.
And by the way, that whole Shakespeare thing isn't even original.
You copied it from m.
C.
Hamlet.
Hey, that guy's way more hardcore than me, okay? When he says, "I come to bury Caesar," he actually means it! Why didn't you tell me you were going on tour? True, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how.
Hmm, well, now you don't have to bother.
Okay, class, settle down.
Take your seats.
Do you remember what we practiced? Yes.
Do you remember what we practiced? Of course.
I committed it to memory and my forearm.
A few quick announcements.
Javelin practice will be canceled until further notice.
Either we have an excellent javelin team or too short a track.
I'm kidding, of course.
Miss park, can we do some more of that statistics thing? I thought you hated it.
The only thing I hate is my attitude yesterday.
It's like I'm afraid to learn sometimes.
Fine.
Why doesn't everyone think of, oh, I don't know an insect? Sure, everyone write down an insect.
Now, hold them up.
Argentinian fire ant.
That's what I had.
Wow! Did you see that? I had tree spider.
Me, too.
Hey, Kelsey, what's for lunch? And please tell me it's not meatball madness.
It's worse.
The cafeteria's closed.
Closed? I heard it's been rented out for a private event.
I didn't even know you could do that.
Oh, hey, kids.
Well, what are we gonna eat? True? You're wanted in the cafeteria.
I thought it was closed.
Right this way.
Wow, now there is definitely something different about this place.
What's going on, Mrs.
lovejoy? Ask him.
Ask who? Me.
Justin, are you crazy? Yes, I am.
Crazy for you, True Jackson.
Oh, come on, you can't still be mad at me.
Look at this place.
I got twinkly lights.
Mrs.
lovejoy, will you put a bottle of your finest sparkling apple on ice? Look, all we have is pineapple juice and 2% milk.
Very good.
So would you like some music with your meal? Sure.
You like natasha bedingfield? That'd be great.
You got a boombox? Better.
And now, for your dining pleasure, natasha bedingfield.
You said what, now? True Jackson, this is for you.
These words are my own hey hey hey, yeah I threw some chords together the combination d-e-f it's who I am it's what I do and now we're gonna lay it down for you I'm trying to focus my attention but I feel so a-d-d I need some help some inspiration but it's not coming easily whoa I'm tryin to find the magic tryin to write a classic don't you know don't you know don't you know? wastebin's full of paper clever rhymes see ya later these words are my own from my heart flow I love you, I love you I love you, I love you there's no other way to better say I love you I love you, I love you I'm gettin' off my stage the curtains pull away no hyperboles to hide behind my naked soul exposes whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh whoa-oh-oh I'm just tryin' to find the magic I'm just tryin' to write that classic wastebin's full of paper clever rhymes see ya later these words are my own from my heart flow I love you, I love you I love you, I love you there's no other way to better say I love you I love you, I love you he loves you, he loves you he loves you loves you, girl True Jackson, he loves you ta ra ra ra dum do and that's all I got to say can't think of a better way and that's all I got to say I love you, is that okay? good night, p.
S.
121-and-a-half! Peace.
That was amazing! How do you know her? We carpooled to the grammys one time.
I'm really sorry for giving you the cold shoulder this morning, Justin.
I was just being silly.
Oh, I totally get it, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
So we're good? Oh yeah, we're good, and, look, we have a whole lot of time before I'm going on tour.
Time for just you and me.
Yo.
Really? When? Cool.
You're either gonna think this is funny or not funny at all.
What is it? I gotta go.
Where? Europe.
I'm opening up for li'l f.
Scott Fitzgerald for a month.
But you just said I know what I just said, and I meant it, but I have no choice.
Yeah, you do have a choice and you just made it.
Bye, Justin.
I guess this is goodbye, kyla.
I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted.
Me too.
You know, I really thought Justin was the one, especially after he sent me those flowers.
True, Justin didn't send those flowers.
He didn't? Then who did? I did? I got the internship? I really appreciate it, but I think I'm gonna have to pass.
I've got some things here that I don't wanna miss out on.
Hey, there you are.
What's going on? Oh, hello.
Whoa, did it just get 20 degrees colder in here? I don't know.
I'm not a thermometer Which sounded a lot funnier when True said it this morning.
What's wrong? Can't you read my mind and tell? No.
That's what's wrong.
Well, I hope you and Kelsey are very happy and have a great wedding.
You guys can say "I do" at the exact same time.
Wait, I don't wanna marry Kelsey.
Well, you should.
You guys have so much in common.
Sure, I can guess what she's thinking, but you're the only one I'm thinking about.
Should I hug you? You read my mind.
Hey, you know, I'm really in the mood for ice cream.
Hey.
Hey, True, how'd it go with you and Justin? Bad.
He got a call and left for Europe.
Whoa! Bet he's a spy.
He's not a spy.
He's li'l Shakespeare.
The spying rapper.
He's not a spy.
And you know kyla? She was his bodyguard.
Oh, see, that explains everything.
I bumped into her three times at school today.
Oh, and what happened? Ohh.
Sorry? My bad.
We have got to stop meeting like this.
She's clearly got a thing for me.
True, I'm so sorry.
I know you really liked him.
Well, as Shakespeare himself said in one of his sonnets, "the sweetest things "turn sourest by their deeds.
"Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
" Wow.
So True.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
Yeah, but that's the only Shakespeare I know by heart.
Hey, True.
Lulu, what's in that thing? Not much.
Some snacks, a power drill, the dictionary, my lucky brick and, uh Is Ryan reading the newspaper? That doesn't seem like something he'd do.
I've seen him eat a newspaper, but only because they had a realistic picture of a burger in it.
Ladies.
What's with the paper? Oh, I'm just catching up on all this turmoil overseas.
Really? No.
I'm reading the help-wanteds.
Why? Well, I saw these awesome sneakers, and when I asked my mom for them, she was like, "yeah, like that's gonna happen.
" So I'm gonna get a job.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
I'm doing an impression of your mom.
So what kind of job are you looking for? Something where I get paid to read comic books and eat donuts.
You're not talking about my job, are you? Sorta.
Who's that? Must be one of the new students.
What new students? One of 'em just moved here from Chicago and the other transferred from taft high.
I remember what it was like on my first day at school.
It was hard, you know, not knowing anyone.
You knew me.
And me.
And Shelly and Kelsey and moose.
Actually, we knew, like, everyone.
Oh, yeah.
But still, let's try to make the new guys feel welcome.
Hi, I'm True.
Nice to meet you, I'm Justin.
How are you liking our school so far? Oh, it's better than my old school.
Teacher always grounding me, making me eat vegetables and take out the trash.
Did I mention I was home-schooled? What's mad style? That's where I work.
What is it, like a store? More like an international fashion company.
I'm kind of the vice president.
For real? You got a bunch of responsibility? Yeah, but it's cool, I don't get insecure about it at all.
So you come from taft? I'm not really here to make friends.
This is High School.
That's all we do.
Fine, we're friends.
Now goodbye.
Gosh, I have the meanest new friend.
What do you have in your mouth? Picture of a donut.
There's a new kid in our school.
Ooh, is he a single No.
Then this conversation is over.
Good morning, all.
I hope you like the new chairs I bought for the conference room.
Does anyone not like them? What's the occasion, Mr.
Madigan? Mad style sales are up in four of our top five lines.
Let me guess.
Our teen line is down.
No, no.
That's up 300%.
Of course it is.
But our casual line is down for the third straight quarter, which is strange since we're such a casual company.
Oh, you were serious? You don't think we're casual? Well, that's not the first word I'd use to describe the company.
In fact, I've made a list and It's 83rd.
I'm shocked.
Well, no offense, Mr.
Madigan, but you guys dress pretty fancy every day.
That's not True at all.
Look, I only tied a double windsor in my necktie, as opposed to the more formal cavendish.
And this dress, which is a custom-made cardellini, has a whisper of cotton woven into the fabric.
Does it really? Touch it.
No wonder it's I dare you.
Lovely knot.
Thank you.
You guys, you can hear yourselves, right? Fancy neckties, custom-made dresses.
Regular people don't live that way.
I wonder if our True has a point.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We roll up True in some carpet and ship her to Paraguay? Amanda.
Maybe we can be a bit stuffy here.
Perhaps our casual line would be better served if we tried to dress down every now and then.
We could have casual day.
Good idea.
Amanda, alert the entire office tomorrow is casual day.
Anyone not dressed as such will be fired.
Fired? Well, doesn't that seem excessive? You were just talking about rolling me up in some carpet.
Still Then it's settled.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try and see if I can buy some of those denim trousers hoodlums used to wear in the fifties.
Blue jeans? Exactly.
You certainly know your fashion history, True.
From my head to my toes it's all real and you know fresh and cool it's just what I do t-r-u-e j-a-c-k-s-o-n v-p working at a grown-up job I never really knew I could work this hard used to sit at home and watch tv now I'm in an office as the new vp I'm always setting trends with my two best friends when things get out of hand we have a plan we're just messin' around and we're makin' new ground for the whole wide world to see if you see us in town you know it's goin' down 'cause I'm the new vp Oscar, you look great.
Thanks.
Although you do realize you're still wearin' an ascot.
Sure, but it's the one I wear to the gym, so Take it off.
And your under-ascot.
I'll give it back to you at the end of the day.
I barely recognize everyone out of their monkey suits.
Is Mr.
Madigan in yet? No, which is odd.
He's usually very punctual.
Morning.
Mr.
Madigan! Are you okay? More than okay.
I walked to work today, and I stopped at a little stand where a man sold me a hot dog.
Did you know you can just buy a hot dog right there on the street? Yes.
You can buy bagels, too.
True, I was born at night, but not last night.
I like your shorts, Mr.
Madigan.
Thank you.
They have 47 pockets.
Some of the pockets have pockets.
Oop, it's probably the vet.
My Cat has mono.
Did you see Mr.
Madigan's legs? I was trying so hard not to laugh.
I think casual day's gonna be a good thing.
Maybe it'll help people mellow out.
Augh! Is this wretched day ever going to end? What's wrong? What's wrong?! I look like Janis joplin.
That's what's wrong.
I don't know who that is.
Is she a friend of yours? Oscar, I'm instructing you to move all the clocks in the office forward three hours.
Do it now.
What? Come on, Amanda.
It's fun to dress differently.
No, it's not.
The entire world is upside down, inside out and backwards.
Don't you think you're exaggerating? Forget I asked.
Morning, everyone.
Janis.
Ryan, you look amazing.
Oh, I know.
I have a job interview, so my mom bought me a suit.
Wait, she wouldn't buy you sneakers but she bought you a suit? Nobody ever accused my mother of being un-crazy.
So who's your interview with? Galaxy airlines.
They have an opening for the executive vice president.
What? You can't be a vice president.
Why not? You're a vice president.
Yes, but that's partly because I have an interest in fashion.
What do you know about airplanes? I know they sound really cool.
Eeeeeeeerrrmm! That's a pretty good airplane imitation.
Thank you, Jimmy.
And I'm not just saying that.
You know, I do some impressions myself.
Yeah? What do you do? I do a pretty good cow.
I don't wanna brag.
Jimmy, do you have any of my mail in there? I'm expecting a very important work catalog.
The only thing I have in here is from snow kone city.
That's it! I'm getting one of these and putting it in the corner, right next to shoot-a-bucket.
We don't have a shoot-a-bucket.
We will.
It's on back-order.
Oh, Jimmy, can you give me a ride somewhere? Sure, hop on.
No, I mean, in your car.
You have a car, right? Yeah, it's my grandmother's.
I'll introduce you.
She sits in the back seat.
Cool.
What are you eating? Hot dog.
Mr.
Madigan paid that cart guy to set up in the reception area.
I thought I smelled Sauerkraut as if I'm not having enough trouble concentrating on work.
Why? What are you thinking about? I knew it.
I knew you liked him.
He's just so nice and cute and we had the most intense conversation after homeroom.
Oh, yeah? What does he like to do? I have no idea.
What are his hobbies? Didn't say.
What's his last name? Didn't come up.
Oh, my gosh, you two are made for each other.
I know, right? You know what you should do? You should ask him out.
Lulu.
I'm serious.
What's the worst that could happen? He could say no.
That wouldn't be the worst.
The worst would be if he said no and then dumped a can of spiders on you and then started making out with another girl.
Now I really don't wanna ask him out.
Why not? You guys are perfect together.
We sorta are.
I saw the way he smiled at you.
He totally liked you.
Really? I'll make you a bet.
If you ask him out and he says no, I'll kiss a pigeon.
Lulu, you hate pigeons.
I know.
They're like rats rolled in filth, dipped in disease, with feathers attached to them.
Okay, I'll ask him out.
I'm furious.
Did the cart guy run out of Sauerkraut? Yes, but that's not why I'm furious.
Max is so relaxed that I can't get him to approve my designs.
Every time I try to talk to him he tells me to chillax, which fyi, is not in the dictionary.
It's not? It should be.
Let me check my dictionary.
Hold this.
Eww.
You call this a resume? Yes, I do.
It's a blank sheet of paper with your name at the top.
Why don't we just write the words "vice" and "president" underneath, and I'll be on my way? You got chutzpah, kid.
Anybody ever tell you that? If it's a fear of rabbits, I already know.
Hey, what's this? It's an airplane on a stick.
Put it down.
So what do you say? I'd say a couple of grade-a lunatics just walked into my office.
But maybe this company needs a little lunacy.
You're hired.
I am? He is? Yes! And you are, too.
As what? A pilot.
I've been in the business a long time and one thing I know for sure.
You look like a pilot.
Either of you feel like tossing the disc? As fun as that sounds, I got a lot of work to get done.
Bummer.
Well, if you change your mind, I'll be under the balto statue in central park.
Kopelman, think fast! Bull's-eye.
Hah ha ha ha ha! Did you see his knees? Lulu, you've gotta be respectful.
Of course, I did.
They look like two fuzzy doorknobs.
Meet the new vice president of galaxy airlines.
You got the job? Awesome.
Who are you calling? My aunt.
She's supposed to fly on galaxy next month.
I'd better tell her to cancel.
Calm down, I have nothing to do with the flights.
I'm only there to come up with original ideas.
Oh, here's one.
Get rid of all the chairs in the airplanes and replace them with beanbag chairs! Beanbag chairs? I'm supposed to be coming up with good ideas.
Not great ones! I'm gonna write that down.
Where's Jimmy? Oh, he's got a commuter flight to Baltimore.
They made him a pilot.
I'm calling my aunt.
This is your Captain speaking.
We're currently cruising at an altitude of 30,000 feet.
Anyone know where Baltimore is? Oh, wait.
I can see it.
There's Justin.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna ask him out.
You think that's a good idea? What are you talking about? It was your idea.
You were super confident.
I know, but this whole pigeon thing's got me spooked.
What if it gets me sick? Or worse, what if I actually like it? Then all I'll wanna do is kiss pigeons.
Good luck with that.
Wait.
Try not to do that loud talking thing you sometimes do when you get nervous.
Please.
I'm in control.
Hi, Justin! Hey, Justin.
So how's it going? Good.
Just getting to know my way around the school.
Hey, why does that hallway by the gym smell so bad? Oh, you mean poop-smell hallway? Legend has it an old janitor died while he was using the bathroom and now he poops for all eternity.
That did not come up at orientation.
So I know some places in school that don't smell so bad.
Like the grassy area at the far end of the track.
It's the perfect place for two people to sit and get to know each other better.
Good to know.
Oh, unless javelin practice is goin' on, then you have a good chance of gettin' a spear through your head.
That happened once.
They didn't talk about any of this in orientation.
I feel like I don't know you that well.
What do you like to do? Go to the movies.
What's your favorite sport? Football.
What's your last name? Webber.
Wanna go on a date? Definitely.
Great.
But I probably can't.
You know, homework and stuff and things of that nature.
I thought for sure Justin was gonna say yes.
I'm so bummed.
You're bummed? I'm the one that has to kiss a pigeon.
Lulu, it's okay.
You don't have to do it.
Really? Awesome.
Although What? This is gonna sound creepy, but I saw kind of a cute one on the way in.
He had his feathers parted on the side.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's creepy.
Just don't tell Mikey J.
, okay? He gets really jealous.
Why do you think Justin said no? It seemed like we had a real connection.
Look, this is gonna sound odd.
What? Is it about a pigeon again? No.
I don't know how to tell you this, but I saw kyla give him a look right before he said no.
What kind of look? A look like, don't go out with her.
But I thought they didn't know each other.
>>On are boyfriend and girlfriend? Maybe.
Or kyla's a stalker and Justin's afraid of her.
Oscar, has the mail arrived? I don't know.
Jimmy called a while ago from minneapolis-st.
Paul to say he's running late.
What's he doing there? This is your Captain speaking.
I kinda have to hit the can.
Somebody wanna come up here and steer? Well, have him see me when he gets in.
I'm just glad True's little dress-like-a-filthy-hippie day is over.
Hola.
Max! Casual day was yesterday.
I know, but it was so nice, I got to thinking, why not live a more casual life every day? Because no one's getting any work done? Oh, that's not True.
We can be just as productive as we've always been.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be asleep in my office.
I blame you for this.
What else is new? Beanbag chairs? You want me to replace the seats in coach with beanbag chairs? I love beanbag chairs! I'm giving you a raise.
Awesome.
Would you like to hear my idea about laser no, sir.
That's enough for one day.
I'm going to lunch.
Lobster, lobster, lobster.
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Jimmy.
How diu I didn't.
I came in for some candy.
Wanna get some lunch? Sure, where? Dallas-fort worth.
Still stewing about Justin? How can you tell? Hey.
Justin! Oh! What are you doing here? I remember you said you worked at mad style, and I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop by.
Oh.
What's up? Yeah, what's up? I feel really bad about how things went down earlier.
You do? Oh, you do? Uh, Lulu? Uh, Lulu.
Oh.
Sorry.
Oscar, I need you to call security.
We went over this earlier.
Mr.
Madigan is allowed to wear shorts.
No.
I think that girl's a stalker.
So what's up? Look, I like you.
You do? Yeah.
I like you, too.
Why'd you put a "k" at the end of my name? No, no, that's "justink.
" There's a new cologne we're promotin'.
Horrible name but smells real nice.
Lavender, cucumbers and ranch dressing.
I'd buy it.
So can I ask what happened today? I mean, it seemed like everything was going great, and then Kyla.
Yeah, she can be a little protective.
But I thought you guys went to different schools.
Not exactly.
Well, who is she? Your girlfriend? No.
Your sister? No.
Your girlfriend? I already said no to that.
She's my bodyguard.
Your bodyguard? Why would you need a bodyguard? I can't really tell you.
Justin! Look, I'm not just a kid, okay? I mean, I'm a kid, but I'm not just a regular kid.
I'm lost.
Hello, kyla.
Not now, little girl.
Little girl? I thought we were friends.
Keep your voice down.
I don't want any trouble.
Well, you got trouble.
Because when you mess with True ooh.
What just happened? I'm gonna let you go.
But if you try anything, I'm gonna handcuff you to that chair.
Excuse me Little help? Look, I have a big job, just like you and maybe that's why I thought we might have a connection.
Well, what's your job? I'll give you a hint.
To be or not to be, boyyyyyy.
Wow, that's a pretty good li'l Shakespeare imitation.
Are you an impressionist? No, I'm li'l Shakespeare.
If you're li'l Shakespeare, where's your diamond skull? No way! What about your dreadlocks? It's fake.
Your gold tooth? Fake.
Your giant ears? My what? Never mind.
I can't believe this.
I mean, I have all your cds.
What are you doing at p.
S.
121-and-a-half? Trying to get an education.
I figure if I'm gonna rap about Shakespeare, I might as well have some knowledge to back it up.
You know, I'm pretty good at Shakespeare.
I could tutor you.
I'd like that.
So kyla's your bodyguard.
Yeah, the record label assigned her to me.
She's tough, but totally cool.
Unless you touch her, then she goes bonkers.
I'm guessing somebody touched kyla.
Good night, Mr.
Jenkins.
Good night, sir.
Excellent work today, boys.
I'm having the fellas in marketing look at your glass-bottom airplane idea.
Cool.
Oh, quick thought.
What if we served free pancakes in coach? Pancakes make people sleepy, and a sleepy customer is a good customer.
That's madness.
But it just might work, right? Are you trying to bankrupt this company with your free pancakes? I suppose next you'll be wanting to hand out free syrup.
Well, you can't have pancakes without syrup.
You're fired! But you can't just not another word.
Get out.
Am I fired, too? No, sir.
I have never seen anyone look more like a pilot than you.
Now get back to work.
Oscar, don't tell anyone this, but True and I are going to school with li'l Shakespeare.
Well, don't tell anyone this, but I don't know who that is.
He's a huge star.
Haven't you ever heard of much ado about nuthin'? Hey.
Ryan, where's your suit? Oh, it's in here.
I lost the job.
I'm sorry.
No, that's okay.
I got three weeks severance pay, so I was able to buy these.
The biggest, coolest, most uncomfortable shoes I have ever owned.
Well, this has been a completely wasted day.
What's wrong, Amanda? I've been waiting for Max to approve my designs, but all he wants to do is listen to reggae and play hacky sack.
And every time I try to talk to him, he tells me I need to go to chilladelphia, which, fyi, is not a real place.
Oscar, get Mr.
Madigan to come to my office.
Will do.
There's no petting zoo in here.
Mr.
Madigan, now, can I show you something? It may be bit shocking, but I think you need to see it.
I see.
And are you suggesting this is what I look like? It's a mirror.
Aha.
Well, this is embarrassing.
Will one of you be a lamb and fetch me a suit.
Is it Italian? As Italian as noodles.
Actually, noodles are from China.
So is the suit.
I haven't seen Jimmy at all today.
Where is he? This is your Captain speaking.
Please enjoy some in-flight music.
Hey, are we lost? Ooh, miss park, those flowers are nice.
I'm glad you like them.
They're for you.
Really? From you? No.
From some boy.
Then why are they on your desk? Because they're mine now.
"Thinking of you, True.
" Signed, j.
"J"? What did she say? Thank you.
And what did you say? You're welcome.
Why? Well, I don't know.
All right, class, today we will be discussing statistics.
On your desks, you will find two cards.
I want you to write down a number between 1 and 100 and a color.
I bet me and Mikey J will get everything in common.
We're totally connected, you know.
Not as much as me and my girlfriend, Kelsey.
Not your girlfriend.
You keep saying that, I might start believing it.
Hold up your numbers.
Notice that no two of you have the same Oh, that's interesting.
Kelsey and Mikey J.
Both have the number 27.
What do you think the odds of that are? Kyla? Don't know, don't care.
Wrong.
True? One in a hundred? Exactly, but the odds are over one in a thousand that those two would have the same color.
You have the same color too? No way.
Crazy, right? Oh come on.
Burnt sienna? What are the odds of that? One in a thousand.
Weren't you listening? With a special connection.
Yes? Are we ever gonna learn actual stuff in this class? Or are we just gonna do carnival tricks? My family pays taxes.
I want an education.
Sorry I'm late.
My bus driver got a phone call from his wife saying he won the lottery.
He pulled over, showed us his butt and left.
We had to talk some old man into driving us the rest of the way.
You lost me at "bus.
" Anyway, while Max is away, the most capable and worthy successor to the throne will be in charge, me.
Where's Mr.
Madigan? He's taken Doris on vacation to celebrate their quarter-versary.
I'll bet they went somewhere really glamorous.
Where are they? Paris? London? Fartwhistle, Arkansas.
Apparently, they have a ball of string the size of an office building.
For real? I hope they take pictures.
Anyway, before we begin, does anyone have any announcements? Is it about the bow tie? Everyone, Kopelman bought a ridiculous bow tie.
Anything else? I've got something! Is it work related? Kind of.
I like this boy at school and he sent me flowers.
How is that work-related? We're talking about him and I'm at work? Sorry.
Today we will be welcoming a small film crew, who'll be shooting me for a piece called "30 under 30.
" Under 30? Why are they filming you? I happen to be 28 years old.
Got it.
Some say that a passion for mail delivery makes a person seem weak.
But I think it's heroic.
You tell 'em, kid! That's Hank, my supervisor.
He's got a voice box and a heart of gold.
And a wooden leg.
And a metal cup where his nose used to be.
Anyway, as you can s see, life in the mailroom is pretty exciting.
Just this morning I found out I'm up for a postal internship in Washington.
Jimmy? Oh, hey Amanda.
I was just telling these guys about mail.
No one cares about mail.
Okay, roll 'em.
We're already rolling.
Hmm, Webster's defines genius as uh, Amanda, you might wanna move over a little.
Don't tell me where I can or cannot stand.
Ha ha, joke's on you.
That didn't even hurt.
Hey, True.
Oh, hey, Jimmy.
You know, we miss you around here in the mornings now that you're back at school.
It's not as much fun.
Although Amanda did just get hit on the head with a box.
That sounds awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Hank laughed so hard his voice-box shorted out.
Oh, wait, do you remember the time we ordered Sushi and Amanda thought the spicy green stuff was a gumball? She was all, "my throat's on fire.
" Hey, do you wanna grab lunch later? There's that new place on the corner, s'more plantation.
S'more plantation? Yeah, but it's not just desserts.
They've got meat s'mores, seafood s'mores.
I heard the chicken parma s'more is pretty good.
I don't know.
I'm not really in the mood for Italian.
I'll take a rain check.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Hey, True.
Hey.
What are you eating? Breakfast s'more.
You know, canadian bacon, poached egg, marshmallow.
Can I talk to you about something? I can't tell if me and Justin are dating.
Well, have you been on a date? No.
I don't think you're dating.
But we talk on the phone every night.
And he sent me flowers.
That's a big thing, right? I guess.
You guess? They were purple lilies.
Those aren't cheap.
Well, yeah, but he's a big rap star.
They don't have to pay for things.
All he has to do is say the word flowers in an interview and he gets them free forever.
Oh, I've seen a bunch of his interviews and I've never heard him talk about flowers.
All he does is talk about sneakers.
Which are free! I'm gonna get something from the break room.
As you might imagine, I'm constantly being inundated with calls from New York's biggest movers and shakers.
Oscar, any messages? Yes, New York movers called, they found your piano.
And New York shakers says your salt shakers are ready for pickup.
I'm just kidding.
Oh, that Oscar, such a kidder.
He's getting fired.
What's that? But mad style isn't all about fun and games.
Under my supervision, things run in a very serious, sophisticated manner.
Amanda, can I be excused to go back to school? I wanna see that boy I like, and we're having weenie casserole for lunch! Cut.
Uh, we don't really do that.
We just keep rolling.
I see.
Well, let's just start over again then, shall we? Oscar, any messages? Yes, your plastic surgeon called.
Your new nose is in.
Okay, let's try a little experiment.
Just for fun, think of a color.
I don't really want to.
Think of a color.
Fine.
Okay, got it.
Is it pink? Nope.
Is it green? No.
Is it pink? I already said no.
What are you guys doing? He's trying to guess the color I'm thinking of.
Indigo? Yes! Oh, I was about to say indigo.
Maybe you're just a really good guesser.
Try guessing the color I'm thinking of.
Orange.
Right.
Hey, Mrs.
lovejoy.
Weenie casserole, please, heavy on the weenies.
I'm starving! Sorry, baby, all out.
What's this? Turkey Hawaii.
It's principal ruckman's personal recipe.
Don't eat it.
I beg you not to eat it.
Thanks.
Looks great, principal ruckman.
You're welcome, True.
You're a good kid.
Lulu.
Oh, hi, True.
What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the break room.
I got lost? Fine.
I wanted to have lunch with Mikey J.
Lotta fun that turned out to be.
What's wrong? What's wrong is he and Kelsey have this psychic connection.
It's driving me and Ryan batty, and we can't do anything about it.
Unless you and Ryan pretend to have some sort of psychic connection.
See how they like it.
That's a great idea.
Hey, kyla.
Oh, hi, True.
Where's Justin? He had to leave early to go to rehearsal.
Oh, really? Why didn't you go with him? I got detention.
Apparently, it's not okay to spin-kick the hall monitor, no matter how obnoxious he is.
That's marsh McCall.
He's a bit of a doof.
Well, now he's a doof with a footprint on his face.
I really wish Justin was here.
You don't understand how much I look forward to seeing him every day.
I mean, it's like I wake up in the morning and everything is gray, but the second I see him, bam! Hello, sunshine.
It's like somebody dropped a house on the witch! True I wonder if it's too soon to introduce him to my parents even though my dad will be all, "no, True, he's a rapper.
"He's probably got 'thug' written on his belly!" True.
If I were you, I might wanna take things a little slower with Justin.
Why would I wanna do that? Because Justin's going on tour next month.
He'll probably be gone till the end of the year.
Hey, True.
Hey, Jimmy.
So I got some exciting news today.
I found out that I'm a finalist for a big postal internship in D.
C.
Wow, that's cool.
Yeah, but if I get it, it means I'd be gone for two whole years.
Two whole years? Who's gonna try out the terrible new restaurants in our neighborhood? Like that gross fish place.
Yesterday's fish? It wasn't that bad.
It had a lot of bathrooms.
Still, it won't be the same without you.
Well, I don't even know if I have it yet.
Hank says it's really political.
Well, if you really want it, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Thanks.
You must be wondering why someone with my talents isn't ruling my own empire.
Well, there's no shame in being second in command.
In fact, Max Madigan often says that when he thinks of number two, he thinks of me.
Psssst.
I'm reminded of my early days in fashion.
The smells, the excitement Psssst.
What is it? Remember that boy I like? No.
The one I mentioned in the staff meeting? Right before you lost control and started screaming that nobody takes you seriously? Take a fiver, boys.
We don't do that.
Do you eat your own teeth? Because you're about to.
All right, moppet, spill.
What did your little zit-faced casanova do? Kiss another girl? Text you a frowny face? Well, I wish it was that simple.
He's a nice guy really.
He's just got a secret sorta not supposed to tell anybody.
Even someone who couldn't care less? I guess it would be okay.
He's a rappe d li'l Shakespeare! Oh, really? Does he have "thug" written on his belly? No! What's with you grown-ups? Anyway, I found out he's going on tour and he's gonna be gone for months.
I'm really sad.
You're sad? I should be running my own empire by now.
Amanda, can this be about me? True, you're smart and you're successful.
If this boy doesn't have time for you, then goodbye.
It's his loss.
Thanks, Amanda.
You're right.
It's too bad you sent that camera crew away.
That pep talk would have been great for your documentary.
Wait.
Do you mind doing a second take? Morning, True.
Hello, Justin.
Whoa, did it just get 20 degrees colder in here? I wouldn't know.
I'm not a thermometer.
Which sounded more clever in my head.
Are you upset because I had to go to rehearsal yesterday? Whatever.
Look, you have a job.
You know how it is.
Okay? Justin wanted to be here, but li'l Shakespeare's gotta do what he's gotta do.
Right.
And by the way, that whole Shakespeare thing isn't even original.
You copied it from m.
C.
Hamlet.
Hey, that guy's way more hardcore than me, okay? When he says, "I come to bury Caesar," he actually means it! Why didn't you tell me you were going on tour? True, I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how.
Hmm, well, now you don't have to bother.
Okay, class, settle down.
Take your seats.
Do you remember what we practiced? Yes.
Do you remember what we practiced? Of course.
I committed it to memory and my forearm.
A few quick announcements.
Javelin practice will be canceled until further notice.
Either we have an excellent javelin team or too short a track.
I'm kidding, of course.
Miss park, can we do some more of that statistics thing? I thought you hated it.
The only thing I hate is my attitude yesterday.
It's like I'm afraid to learn sometimes.
Fine.
Why doesn't everyone think of, oh, I don't know an insect? Sure, everyone write down an insect.
Now, hold them up.
Argentinian fire ant.
That's what I had.
Wow! Did you see that? I had tree spider.
Me, too.
Hey, Kelsey, what's for lunch? And please tell me it's not meatball madness.
It's worse.
The cafeteria's closed.
Closed? I heard it's been rented out for a private event.
I didn't even know you could do that.
Oh, hey, kids.
Well, what are we gonna eat? True? You're wanted in the cafeteria.
I thought it was closed.
Right this way.
Wow, now there is definitely something different about this place.
What's going on, Mrs.
lovejoy? Ask him.
Ask who? Me.
Justin, are you crazy? Yes, I am.
Crazy for you, True Jackson.
Oh, come on, you can't still be mad at me.
Look at this place.
I got twinkly lights.
Mrs.
lovejoy, will you put a bottle of your finest sparkling apple on ice? Look, all we have is pineapple juice and 2% milk.
Very good.
So would you like some music with your meal? Sure.
You like natasha bedingfield? That'd be great.
You got a boombox? Better.
And now, for your dining pleasure, natasha bedingfield.
You said what, now? True Jackson, this is for you.
These words are my own hey hey hey, yeah I threw some chords together the combination d-e-f it's who I am it's what I do and now we're gonna lay it down for you I'm trying to focus my attention but I feel so a-d-d I need some help some inspiration but it's not coming easily whoa I'm tryin to find the magic tryin to write a classic don't you know don't you know don't you know? wastebin's full of paper clever rhymes see ya later these words are my own from my heart flow I love you, I love you I love you, I love you there's no other way to better say I love you I love you, I love you I'm gettin' off my stage the curtains pull away no hyperboles to hide behind my naked soul exposes whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh whoa-oh-oh I'm just tryin' to find the magic I'm just tryin' to write that classic wastebin's full of paper clever rhymes see ya later these words are my own from my heart flow I love you, I love you I love you, I love you there's no other way to better say I love you I love you, I love you he loves you, he loves you he loves you loves you, girl True Jackson, he loves you ta ra ra ra dum do and that's all I got to say can't think of a better way and that's all I got to say I love you, is that okay? good night, p.
S.
121-and-a-half! Peace.
That was amazing! How do you know her? We carpooled to the grammys one time.
I'm really sorry for giving you the cold shoulder this morning, Justin.
I was just being silly.
Oh, I totally get it, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
So we're good? Oh yeah, we're good, and, look, we have a whole lot of time before I'm going on tour.
Time for just you and me.
Yo.
Really? When? Cool.
You're either gonna think this is funny or not funny at all.
What is it? I gotta go.
Where? Europe.
I'm opening up for li'l f.
Scott Fitzgerald for a month.
But you just said I know what I just said, and I meant it, but I have no choice.
Yeah, you do have a choice and you just made it.
Bye, Justin.
I guess this is goodbye, kyla.
I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted.
Me too.
You know, I really thought Justin was the one, especially after he sent me those flowers.
True, Justin didn't send those flowers.
He didn't? Then who did? I did? I got the internship? I really appreciate it, but I think I'm gonna have to pass.
I've got some things here that I don't wanna miss out on.
Hey, there you are.
What's going on? Oh, hello.
Whoa, did it just get 20 degrees colder in here? I don't know.
I'm not a thermometer Which sounded a lot funnier when True said it this morning.
What's wrong? Can't you read my mind and tell? No.
That's what's wrong.
Well, I hope you and Kelsey are very happy and have a great wedding.
You guys can say "I do" at the exact same time.
Wait, I don't wanna marry Kelsey.
Well, you should.
You guys have so much in common.
Sure, I can guess what she's thinking, but you're the only one I'm thinking about.
Should I hug you? You read my mind.
Hey, you know, I'm really in the mood for ice cream.
Hey.
Hey, True, how'd it go with you and Justin? Bad.
He got a call and left for Europe.
Whoa! Bet he's a spy.
He's not a spy.
He's li'l Shakespeare.
The spying rapper.
He's not a spy.
And you know kyla? She was his bodyguard.
Oh, see, that explains everything.
I bumped into her three times at school today.
Oh, and what happened? Ohh.
Sorry? My bad.
We have got to stop meeting like this.
She's clearly got a thing for me.
True, I'm so sorry.
I know you really liked him.
Well, as Shakespeare himself said in one of his sonnets, "the sweetest things "turn sourest by their deeds.
"Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
" Wow.
So True.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
Yeah, but that's the only Shakespeare I know by heart.