True Jackson, VP (2008) s02e23 Episode Script

True Jackson VP was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
- Was there anything good on TV last night? - No my dad was watching some chick flick.
He was crying like a baby, my mom was all "Man up Larry they're going to get to the wedding on time".
Spoiler alert.
What's this then? - What? - The mustache.
You like it? I'm thinking about becoming a Boston cop.
You use your mom's eyebrow pencil to make it darker? And then cover it with a fake mustache from the Halloween store? Why don't you let me ask the questions? Good morning class, please take your seats.
First order of business my rare ceramic egg is still missing.
Would anyone have any idea where it went? - Have you filed a report ma'am? - Sit down officer peach fuzz.
Ten-four.
Second order of business I've been put in charge of the student council.
Uh, we'll be holding our class election this Friday.
Would anyone like to challenge the current President, Kyle Sandbox? True would.
- No I wouldn't.
- Yes you would.
Ahem! Are you sure True? - Thanks but I'm really busy.
- Well let me know if you change your mind.
We'll be accepting candidates until Thursday, it's open to anyone.
With a grade point average of "C" or above.
- Hey.
- Oh hi Kyle.
A little birdy told me you're thinking about running against me.
By any chance does this birdy go by the name Harvey Miman? I didn't say anything.
And I am not a bird.
No, I'm not going to run, I don't really have time.
- Good because I would destroy you.
- I don't really know about that.
Yeah, True is pretty popular.
On a scale of one to ten, one in ten being best and five being worse True's a solid three and eight.
Lulu why did you have to make it so complicated? I don't know.
Don't get any bright ideas, I've been President for three years, and I'm not stepping down now.
I'd like to step down on his head.
I'm so sick of him getting in everyone's face.
You're thinking about running against him aren't you? - Little bit.
- Maybe you should.
- Maybe I will.
- Then it's settled.
- And you'll run with me.
- Not a chance.
- But Lulu you're my best friend.
- I don't have time.
And whatever time I do have I want to spend with Mikey J.
There's got to be someone else you feel comfortable running with.
No, no one comes to mind.
What are you guys talking about? True's thinking about running for class President.
I'll tell you what, I'll be your campaign manager.
I've got the skills, I've got the creditability.
And I've got the mustache.
What do you say? - I thought you were busy being a cop.
- Nah Chief took away my badge.
By Chief, I mean Ms.
Park, by badge I mean piece of chocolate.
Well welcome aboard.
Nothing to see here kids, keep it moving! From my head to my toes, it's all real and you know.
Fresh and cool, it's just what I do.
Working at a grown-up job.
I never really knew I could work this hard.
Just used to sit at home and watch TV.
Now I'm in an office as the new VP.
I'm always setting trends, with my two best friends.
When things get out of hand, we have a plan.
We're just messing around, and we're making new ground.
For the whole wide world to see.
If you see us in town, you know it's going down.
Because I'm the new VP.
You know what you should do when you become President? Get healthier food in the cafeteria.
I don't know we had that veggie casserole yesterday.
- That was beef stew.
- What was all that green stuff? Beef.
I think maybe I'll skip lunch today.
Are you sure you don't want to run with me? Yeah.
- Well then who am I going to get? - Hey True, hey Lulu.
- Shelly! - Yeah, Shelly.
I've got an offer I think you're gonna like.
Pass.
You don't even know what it is.
You want me to run for class President with you.
- How'd you know? - A little birdy told me.
I'm not a bird! Beat it Harvey! So, what do you say? I think you'd make an awesome Vice President.
The best.
Plus if anything happens to True you automatically become President.
- What's going to happen to me? - I don't know you fall in a hole? I'm just saying you should cherish every day.
- So what do you think? - I don't know.
Come on Shelly, if you do this I'll do something you want to do.
Really, you'll be my partner in color guard? - It's a deal! - Wait color guard? Yeah for my synchronized ribbon routine.
- It's a deal.
- Hold up! - I don't know about any ribbon routine.
- Then the deal's off.
It won't be that bad.
- Fine I'll do it.
- Awesome! We rehearse every day from five to seven.
A.
M.
What's going on? I was just in accounting and everyone's wearing "vote for True" shirts.
- I'm running for class President.
- That's awesome.
You know who my class President was? A lizard.
- What? - It was a write in vote.
It started as a joke, but that lizard ended up with 85% of the popular vote.
- A lizard? - Yep.
I'll tell you that little guy really turned the school around.
The only bad thing was our prom was held on a rock under a heat lamp.
I'm kidding about that last part.
Right.
Hey, what's with the stach? You look like a Boston cop.
Perfect, all I have to do is put on a hundred pounds and I'm on the force.
- Hey do you know how to run a camera? - Of course.
Kelsey's coming over, we're going to shoot commercials to run in the hallway at school, want to help? I'd love to, and I've got a pretty good idea for one What is it? Black & white shot of a dove, we hold on it for a minute then the word "freedom" appears, and we fade out.
I don't know Jimmy.
Well then how about an animated cow that says "it's a living".
I was thinking more of a man on the street, I'm going to vote for True sort of deal.
- Sounds good.
- Great! - But with robots.
- No.
Fat guy in a bear suit.
Yeah, I think I can handle this on my own.
Robot in a bear suit.
- Okay, we rolling? - Rolling.
Lots of energy now, Kelsey.
It's shaping up to be quite an election.
Let's ask the average student what they think.
Excuse me, Miss? Whoa, I didn't see you there.
- Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? - Mind? I insist.
As you know the election for class President is this Thursday - Who are you going to vote for? - True Jackson.
- And may I ask, why? - Because her father is Bill Cosby.
And, cut! Okay, I think we got it, that's a wrap everyone.
No, no, no it's not a wrap.
Kelsey, True's dad isn't Bill Cosby.
- That's what I hear.
- Well, you heard wrong.
- Let's go again Jimmy.
- Rolling! I'm here asking some random students who they're going to vote for.
Excuse me, Miss? - Whoa, I didn't see you there.
- And what is your name? - Ryan Laserbeam.
- That's my name.
No We're done! Good job everybody, see you at the wrap party.
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Good job True, you sure you haven't done this before? You mean move my hand from side to side? Well that's a Davenport half twist.
Very impressive.
So, what do you think my campaign platform should be? Our what? You know, the stuff that we promise that we can't possibly deliver, so people will vote for us.
How about a ribbon on a stick for every student in the school!? - Too expensive? - Yeah, that's the problem with that idea.
What about No homework on Friday? - Oh yeah, I'd vote for us.
- So would I.
Kyle's not going to know what hit him, we're going to send this clown to the morgue.
Oh yeah.
In five, six, seven, eight! This morning True Jackson announced that she was running for President And tonight they're predicting rain.
Help end True Jackson's reign of terror Come play in the sandbox Kyle Sandbox.
I'm Kyle Sandbox, and I love this school.
Sponsored by the committee to keep everything the same.
What's going on out there? Everyone's watching Kyle's new campaign video.
I think it's really brave True's running for President.
- Brave? - Yeah.
It's hard to stand in front of a group of people, even if you really believe in your cause.
- You could do it.
- No way.
You could Mikey you can do anything, you're the smartest kid in school.
Second smartest.
Well.
Hey, I just found out we're going to have a debate tomorrow, can you guys help me prepare? Sure, but first you need to check this out.
The new commercial for your campaign, we just finished it.
The following is an important message I'm Kyle Sandbox, and I am a Vampire.
Kyle Sandbox is an actual Vampire.
I'm True Jackson and I approve this message.
What do you think? I'm True Jackson and I don't approve this message.
- Hi everyone.
- Something wrong? Sort of, I don't know how to tell you.
I can get it out of her.
Where are the diamonds? Ah! She's all yours.
What is it Lulu, you can tell me anything.
Mikey J's running for class President.
- What, against me? - Uh huh.
- Why would he do that? - Because I sort of told him he could.
- Lulu! - It gets worse.
- How could it get worse? - I'm running with him.
- You said what now? - You said what now? - What are you doing? - Making buttons.
- On company time? - You did.
That's before I smartened up, this is a place of business Lulu.
Not a place for school politics.
Not now Kopelman! You know what I think? I think you're a little nervous we're going to beat you.
Yeah right, are you promising no more homework on Fridays? Cuz we are! As long as you're telling a bunch of lies, why don't you promise to replace Principal Ruckman with the cast of Twilight? Hey, that's not half bad.
- Hello, madam President.
- Hey Jimmy, what are you doing? A new shipment of hugs arrived.
That's the goofiest thing you've ever said.
But I love it.
- Poll results are in.
- What do they say? Well, it's a lot of what we expected Kyle's got the jocks, and Mikey J and Lulu got the brainiacs.
- But we've got the girl vote.
- Awesome, I can always count on my girls.
We should make that the basis for another commercial.
We'll interview some girls talking about how much they like True.
Great you the camera, I'll get wigs, lipstick, and two dresses our size.
Hey, Kelsey, there you are.
I want to shoot a new commercial aimed at girls.
I probably shouldn't.
- Why not? - Because I'm running with Kyle.
- Jimmy, could you give us a minute? - Sure.
- You guys have a mail room here? - It's around the corner, past the - Kelsey, how could you? - I'm ambitious.
No you're not that's one of the things I like about you.
Well I got my picture on a bunch of posters, it's like being famous, I'm going to live forever.
Kelsey if you go forward with this, we are through.
I'm just kidding, good luck on the debate.
- Hey, which way is the mail room? - No idea.
No idea? You should take a little more pride in your schools mail system.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Hey! I've got a bone to pick with you! I never said I was going to make you my Vice President.
Yes you did, why did you ask Kelsey to run with you? She's a girl dummy, she'll help me steal girl votes from those two ninnies'.
But don't worry I'll dump her the second I win.
Cool.
And if by chance True and Shelly do happen to pull it off, I want you to put this in True's locker.
- What is it? - Miss Park's ceramic egg.
Thank you all for coming to what is sure to be a lively debate.
And now I'd like to invite the candidates to take the stage.
Mikey J and Lulu True and Shelly And our incumbent, Kyle Sandbox and Kelsey - Go Lions.
- Go Lions! Let's begin with opening remarks.
Mikey J Hi, Lulu and I are running on a healthy eating platform.
We'd like some healthier options on the lunch menu.
Healthier than pizza? No way.
Boo! It wouldn't cost the school any more money, we've done some research.
Anti-pizza, means anti-kids.
You hate kids.
No we don't.
If we can move things along.
Our next candidate is True Jackson.
Woo! Yeah! - I'm True.
- I'm Shelly.
We wrote this at the deli.
We want your vote, get on the boat, team Jackson's here and ready.
Yes! Showmanship! And now the incumbent Kyle Sandbox.
Students, friends, I'm not going to stand up here and wave a ribbon.
Or tell you pizza is poison, the Lions are 22 and 11.
You like things the way they are? Vote for us.
- Or don't, we don't care.
- No, we care! We care about sports, and we care about keeping things the way they are.
- So vote for us.
- Or don't.
And now we begin our debate.
If you have a question please step up to the microphone.
Whichever candidate buzzes in first has 45 seconds to answer.
The others each get a 30 second rebuttal.
If you could change one thing at the school what would it be? Let me ask you a question If you want to change our school so bad, why don't you just move to Russia? - Go Lions.
- Go Lions! True Jackson, rebuttal If there was something I'd like to change about this school, it'd have to be No more homework on Friday.
I like to think of it as my day.
And I've got stuff to do, can't do homework too.
- My mood rings blue.
- The cow goes moo.
- I'm on the phone.
- A chocolate scone.
- Got stuff to do.
- Not science too.
Skiddly bidee bop bop.
Enough! - Sorry.
- Sorry.
Mikey J, changes to the school? Well besides the food issue, I think the school paper should be allowed to sell advertising to local businesses.
To help offset the cost of printing.
The less we have to rely on school funds the more freedom we'll have.
- May I respond? - Sure.
Mikey J is a communist.
- No I'm not.
- Next question.
Is there anyway students can get paid for attending detention? Mikey J? The school budget's already running at a twenty percent deficit, so no.
But one way to increase revenue is to send our math team to nationals.
We'd definitely win and the prize is ten thousand dollars.
Kyle rebuttal Math is for dorks.
True? - Can I get a beat? - No.
We're going to move our session along with statements from the vice presidential candidates.
Kelsey, you buzzed in first.
- No I didn't.
- Your light is on.
I don't think so.
Do you have something to say? Vote for us if you want to, we couldn't care less.
Yes we could, ha, K plus K is okay.
Go Lions! Go Lions! Shelly? Me and True are all about having fun, and loving school, and making things happen.
- Is that it? - Yep.
How refreshingly vague.
Lulu? Miss Park Mikey J and I believe that one of the greatest things about school is that we can do anything.
We can say anything, and we can change anything.
We're not perfect, the schools not perfect, but together We can make it the best it can be.
Kelsey, you rang your bell? No I didn't.
Well I believe that concludes our debate.
We'll take a short break and when we return we'll vote! - Hello.
- Hello.
- I found the mail room.
- Okay.
It's right down the hall by the hall by the gym.
Okay.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Hello.
That was a pretty good speech you gave.
Thanks, yours was good too.
No it wasn't, but thanks for saying so.
Bye.
- Where do you think you're going? - Home, its spaghetti night.
- Don't you want to know who wins? - I'm sure it will be on the news.
Will the candidates please return to the stage.
Good luck.
Thanks.
Your votes have been tabulated, the results are final.
Your new class President is Miss Park? Oh, hi Mister Jamerson.
Nothing, what are you doing? I gotta go.
Your new class President is - True Jackson.
- Woo! Yes! Not so fast! I call for the disqualification of True Jackson.
- On what grounds? - She stole your ceramic egg.
- What!? - What!? She stole the egg and hid it in her locker.
Open it.
Behold the egg.
There's nothing in here Kyle, care to explain? - Yeah, care to explain? - Ugh.
- What's this? - Harvey stole the egg! Case closed.
- I didn't steal the egg, it was Kyle! - He's lying! Kyle you did it? You are hereby suspended from serving on the student council in anyway.
Wah! - But I can still serve, right? - No! So you're saying if something happened and there was a recount - Kyle couldn't be President? - That's right.
Then I'm happy to announce That Shelly and I have enjoyed serving you, but we're stepping down.
You can't step down, you were just elected! Like two minutes ago.
That's long enough to know that the real President should be Mikey J.
And you.
Then it's decided, please welcome your new class President and Vice President Mikey J and Lulu.
You cool with not being President and Vice President? Yeah, it was really going to cut into our ribbon rehearsal anyway.
Right.
- Thank you True.
- You're welcome.
How do you suppose Harvey ended up in that closet? Oh, who's to say how these things happen? Jimmy, what are you doing here? Just stopped by to drop off a fresh shipment of hugs.
I'll take two.
- Lulu, what's the deal? - What, I'm a VP now too.
You ready to take off? Let me just study an entire semesters worth of calculus.
Okay, got it! Hey! You want to have breakfast with me and Jimmy tomorrow? We're going to that new place "Bagels and Socks".
- Don't you mean lox? - No, socks.
It's also a Laundromat.
I think I'll pass.
Besides you can't go out for breakfast tomorrow, don't you have ribbon rehearsal? I had someone fill in for me.
Five, six, seven, eight