Turbo FAST (2013) s01e09 Episode Script
Turbo Drift
1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [music.]
Time to get your tiny seatbelts on.
We're about to land in Tokyo! Oops! That one's yours.
[clicking.]
I'm just so excited.
Shooting a commercial to launch Turbasco Sauce on a whole new continent! Japan will finally get a taste of authentic Mexican hot sauce.
Of course, they made us change the name to Turbo Hot Fish Power Paste Zing One Plus Two Go.
And we had to change the recipe, a lot.
But we're still on the label I think.
[gulping, sputtering.]
Hm You can barely taste the mackerel.
- [Turbo.]
Wow! What a city! - [Smooth Move.]
Toky-yo, baby! This town is wild.
Cats that say hello, sushi in the subway, and toilets that talk to you.
They also have more giant monsters than you can count, but I'll try! There's Mecha-Godzilla, Regular Godzilla, Space Godzilla, Godzillasaurus, Manila the S [impact thud.]
This town is hotter than wasabi bubblegum! - Asia! - Man, I can't wait to get out and see it! - Yeah! There's so much to - [shrieks.]
Nobody move! I can't find my bubble-wrap mattress pad! Whoo! I thought it was something important.
Seriously? You brought all these suitcases and you forgot the one thing you need to sleep? Don't be silly.
You know I need more than one thing to sleep.
But I remembered my nightlight, sleep mask and tomatotherapy candles.
I know something soft you could cuddle against, Boo.
Is it a sugar packet? Because that never works.
[laughing.]
Chet, why don't you come with us and we'll all go out - and do some sightseeing? - Sightseeing? In a foreign city? Where anything could happen? No, I'll just stay here and keep looking for my bubble wrap.
Suit yourself, but we are gonna have some fun.
Come on, little amigo! Time for the commercial shoot! [scoffs.]
Already? Your girlfriend can stay here and have whatever she wants in the mini-bar.
It's mostly fish, so she won't lose that girlish figure.
Not letting it get to me.
Guys, I know you want to be supportive and come along, but if you'd rather go sightseeing while I'm - Later on, Turbo! - All right, see ya! [sighing.]
[laughing.]
[techno music playing.]
[gulping.]
[beeping.]
[flushing.]
[female computer voice.]
Konnichiwa.
Beautiful, huh? They are light years ahead of us in toilet technology.
Hm-hm-hm! Wasabi bubblegum! Hm.
[smacking.]
[sizzling.]
I thought it'd be spicier.
[Whiplash singing along in Japanese.]
Ha-ya-i! Ha-ya-i! That was fun, but uh, I was kinda hoping to see some Godzillas, or at least a gang of robot-fighting ghost ninjas! Come on, Skid, you know there ain't really nothing like that.
[mechanical whirring.]
[whirring.]
[powering down.]
[laughter.]
[electrical charging.]
Turbo Hot Fish Power Paste Zing One Plus Two Go is ichiban! [gulping.]
[power surging.]
[cat yowling.]
[giggling.]
[electrical surging.]
Spicy, spicy, spicy! Hot is a sauce of majesty You love it hot It's every time a do Spicy, spicy, I love you Chew is a good time every time Eat the fresh styles You ancestors Most delicious taste [singing in Japanese.]
Thank you! [munching.]
[director.]
Cuto! [bell ringing.]
[exclaiming in Japanese.]
- [bell dings.]
So he liked it? - He says that was horrible.
It has brought shame on your ancestors.
- Huh? - Take two! Action! [music.]
[all exclaiming, murmuring.]
Tito Dos Bros-san! I am Mr.
Salt Fish! I am the creator of Mr.
Salt Fish Excellent Salty Hot Sauce Awesome! Is this part of the commercial, too? I didn't get those pages.
There can be only one best hot sauce in Tokyo! Mr.
Salt Fish Excellent Hot Sauce Awesome challenges your sauce snail to a race! [all gasping.]
If you lose, you are banished from Japan in shame.
Your inferior hot sauce will be cast into the sea in shame! Your name will be cursed for a hundred generations! - In shame? - Yeah, boy! These are the stakes! How do you respond? I don't really understand what's happening [revving.]
but Turbo never backs down from a race.
And just who exactly is he racing against? Behold, my cricket! [romantic music.]
Oh Ah Many apologies.
The heart props are not to be used until the next scene.
- That cricket is fast! - Yeah, fast.
[woman.]
Hayaku is the most famous racing cricket in all of Japan.
She represents Mr.
Salt Fish.
Hayaku and Turbo will do the traditional ceremonial drift race for market dominance! Now, we must discuss terms, followed by all-night karaoke! [screeching stop.]
Turbo-san, it is my great honor to welcome you to Tokyo.
[stammers.]
No, no, i-i-it's my great honor to welcome you to Tokyo.
The city you already live in.
[giggling.]
You are so funny.
And handsome.
- [chuckles.]
Oh, naw.
- What do you think of our city, Turbo-san? - I haven't seen any of it yet.
- Oh, no! Then you must let me be your guide.
- I don't know.
- Please.
Wow! Everything here sure is beautiful.
Like that vending machine over there.
Yep.
Beautiful "live eel vending machine.
" [screaming.]
[giggling.]
Yes, Tokyo is full of wonderful things.
Although, I must admit I have never seen it in slow-motion.
So it's like that, is it? [screeching against pavement.]
[overlapping chatter.]
[all gasping.]
I told you I couldn't sleep without my bubble wrap! Well, I can.
Good night.
You gotta help me! You're our leader! Yeah, and I'm leading by example.
[snoring.]
Chet-man, I got some mellifluously mellow melodies that will put you right to [snoring.]
Don't worry, baby, after a little nap I'll help you find [snoring.]
White Shad [snoring.]
[rapid snoring.]
Fine.
I'll just go out and find my own bubble wrap then, won't I? OK, where to start? [bell dings.]
Oh, cherry tomatoes! Hm.
Maybe I should fortify myself before I go out there.
[chomps.]
[whimpering.]
This is not good.
[screaming.]
I protest! I'm an American citizen! Hm No! No! No! Turbo-san, your speed is even more impressive than my own.
You're pretty fast! Pretty fast! [stammers.]
I-I-I'm totally referring to your speed.
- You must be an excellent drift racer.
- Oh, yeah, totally! - Actually, I have no idea what that is.
- Really? Drifting is the art of sliding through turns so you don't have to slow down.
Follow me and I will show you.
[revving.]
I'm alive.
Alive! I'm lost.
Lost! [echoing.]
Follow me.
[yelling.]
Whoa! [grunts.]
- Is there a problem? - I-I just, uh wasn't ready.
Let's let's do that again.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Burning! [Turbo grunting.]
[panting.]
OK, let's try that again.
You know what they say, fourth, fifth or sixth time's the charm.
[impact thud.]
Turbo-san, perhaps it is your fatigue that prevents your successfulness at drifting.
Let us seek rest and refreshment.
[speaking Japanese.]
[giggling.]
- What did he say? - He said I have - a very handsome boyfriend.
- [nervous chuckle.]
Well You don't know where I can find some bubble wrap, do you? - Excuse me? Perhaps my English - Never mind, I was just trying to help my brother, Chet.
You have a brother named Chet? I have a sister named Chetzuki! Get out! Does she worry about you all the time, too? Yes! Oh, Turbo-san, I know it is not much time we have spent together, - but I feel such a connection.
- Me too.
We have so much in common, our love of racing and speed.
And jellyfish custard.
[grunting.]
[gulping.]
Delicious.
Of course, you are so much faster than I.
Not that much faster.
If I could give you a tip for tomorrow's race: get lower.
Hug the ground to cut down on wind resistance.
Thank you, Turbo-san.
You honor me with this advice.
Now, I will repay the favor.
I will tell you how I learned the secret to drifting, that we have never shared with an outsider.
Oh Uh I'm honored.
[wind blowing.]
You must journey to the top of Mount Mojomoto, far outside Tokyo.
There, you must bring an offering of crimson herring to Sujui, the wild goose of wisdom.
Only then will he teach you the secret of drifting.
Wow.
If I'm gonna race tomorrow, I better leave right away! Thank you, Hayaku.
[revving.]
No, thank you, Turbo-san for falling into my trap! [maniacal laughter.]
[rapid chirping.]
[whimpering.]
[yelling.]
Where am I?! [video game music, effects playing.]
All I wanted was some bubble wrap! [overlapping snores.]
Cod, yellowtail, unagi.
[groans.]
What kind of mini-bar doesn't have crimson herring? - Where you been, garden snail? - Hey, there, Whiplash.
- Uh, I thought you were asleep.
- That's what I wanted you to think.
Why would you never mind.
I gotta find some crimson herring and get to the top of Mount Mojomoto.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a race later today? Race? How do you know about the race? I'm Whiplash.
I always know when there's a race.
Plus, every third building in this town is just a giant TV screen.
Yes.
I am drift racing a very pretty cricket named Hayaku - for hot sauce supremacy.
- Since when do you know how to drift race? I don't yet.
But Hayaku gave me a tip.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! And you believed her? What kind of sucker gives their opponent a tip to help beat them? [clearing throat.]
Oh, no, you didn't! It was a little tip about getting lower to the ground and OK.
So I like her.
So what? She likes me too.
She gave me a tip, sort of.
Which is why I need the herring.
Do I want to know what this tip is or is it just - gonna make me mad? - Probably the second one.
All right, I'm gonna let you learn the hard way.
Check behind the squid juice.
Perfect! Just one more thing.
Could you tie this fish to my spoiler? [squishing.]
OK, now you're pushing it.
Do any of those say "Exit"? How do I get out of here?! - Bad touch! Bad touch! - Huh? [whimpers, gasps.]
[exclaiming.]
[bell dings.]
Bubble wrap! [grunting.]
[powering on.]
[whirring.]
[whimpering.]
No, robot! Chet friend! [impact sound.]
[grunting.]
[powering on.]
[snarling.]
[yelling, grunts.]
[failed start.]
[whimpers.]
[creature roaring.]
[yelling.]
This is why I hate to travel! [music.]
The Ceremonial Drift Challenge Track for Market Dominance! [echoing.]
[fireworks crackling.]
Really? This happens often enough that they need a special track? Uh-oh! Your racer is not yet here! He has shamed your sauce! He'll be here.
He's never missed a race.
Until now.
[satisfied chuckle.]
[grunting.]
[clattering.]
[gasps.]
Phew! Excuse me, but I seek an audience with Sujui, - the wise goose of the mountain.
- Whoa, there, slow down.
I know the air up here is thin, but you're making no sense right now.
I was told I could learn the secret of drifting from the wise wild goose of the mountain? - I brought the crimson herring? - So wait a minute, someone told you to bring a red herring on a wild-goose chase? Well, when you put it like that, I admit it sort of sounds like Oh, no! Hayaku! [groans.]
She played me! None of my business, pal.
Are you sure there's no goose up here? - No, but there is a Eugene.
- [male voice.]
Fish! Eugene loves fish.
[sniffing.]
Or anything that smells like fish.
You smell like fish.
[male voice.]
Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish! [grunting.]
Fish! Fish! Ah! - [sniffing.]
Fish? - What?! No! Me?! - I'm just a - Fish.
[smacking.]
[grunting, yelling.]
Fish-fish-fish-fish-fish! [yelling.]
Fish guts! - Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish! - [yelling.]
Where's the road down?! - Thank you! - Fish, fish, fish, fish! Fish! Fish, fish, fish! Uh-oh.
This is gonna be a belly-burner! [screeching.]
Oh! [yelling.]
Fish! Fish? Fish! [screeching.]
Hey, I can drift! All it took was some smelly, slippery fish guts! [cheering.]
Well, Hayaku, I guess I learned the secret of drifting after all.
[gasping.]
[bell dings.]
Hey, that's our hotel! And it's right across from the mall! I know how to get back! [rumbling footsteps.]
[yelling.]
[creature roaring.]
[gasping.]
[whimpering.]
[creature snarling, roaring.]
[saws whirring.]
[roaring.]
Whoo! Domo arigato, Mr.
Roboto! [man over speaker.]
Twenty-eight, 27, 26, 25 [screeching.]
You had me worried, little amigo.
So, what big, secret lesson did you learn on the top of that mountain? Never trust your opponent, no matter how cute she is! [maniacal giggling.]
I wish I'd-a told you that.
Oh, wait, I did! - Ow! What was that for? - That was so you don't forget.
Oh! And I learned how to drift! All it takes is some greasy fish guts! - Ow! What was that for? - That was for not saying that part first! Turbo-san, you have returned.
Did you find the wild goose and learn the secrets of [giggling.]
I'm sorry, I just can't believe you fell for that.
I'll bet you don't even have a sister named Chetzuki, either.
I wish.
Be careful, sistero! But why would you do this? I thought we had a connection.
We did, Turbo-san.
But there is no room for sentiment in the world of celebrity-endorsed hot sauce.
I guess that's the second lesson I learned today.
Wait, no.
That's the third I think.
Let me see.
Sentiment is one, not trusting your pretty opponent is two, and what was that last one? - Oh, yeah, the secret of drifting.
- Wait.
You learned how to Three, two, one, and [crashing.]
Go, go, go! - The first to three laps wins! - Why three? Three is the most delicious number! [music.]
You are right! Racing low does make me faster! Now prepare to be left behind! - Behind what? - You have mastered drifting! Yeah! And you've mastered the obvious.
- Ooh! Drift burn! - That's the power of fish guts, my friends.
[screeching.]
Lap one! Two more to go, yo! Ow! Oh, dear, Turbo.
Is your drift skill running out? Looks like our boy is getting low on glide juice.
Maybe he can tough it out.
Ow! Ow! Ow! OK, that hurts! But not as much as betrayal! Lap two! One more lap till your shameful defeat! OK, team, our boy is in trouble.
Ideas, now! - Uh, uh White Shadow? - Get him some foot oil, pronto! - Oh, White Shadow! - He greased up with fish guts earlier.
- Any fish nearby? - White Shadow! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - The hot sauce! - But we got no time for a pit stop.
White Shadow! [revving.]
Ugh! Fish sauce! Oh, fish sauce! Impossible! Clearly, it's possible because I'm right here! I cannot lose! Rockets: full! Hayaku, no! You're going too fast! You'll never make the turn! I will not shame my sauce! No! [yelling.]
[rapid chirping.]
[yelling.]
Turbo wins! [fireworks crackling.]
Your sauce is superior! I will now retreat in shame! Yo-yo-yo-yo-yo! I'm out! Yeah, boy, Mr.
Salt Fish! [echoing.]
[rockets powering.]
Congratulations, garden snail.
You upheld the honor of your sauce.
- Whatever that means.
- Thanks for having my back, guys.
It's nice to know I have friends I can always trust.
- [all.]
Aw! - That's so sweet.
He means us, right? [sighs.]
Finally! Look, everybody, I found my Ah [snoring.]
Typical Chet.
Never even left the room.
[loud snoring.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [music.]
Time to get your tiny seatbelts on.
We're about to land in Tokyo! Oops! That one's yours.
[clicking.]
I'm just so excited.
Shooting a commercial to launch Turbasco Sauce on a whole new continent! Japan will finally get a taste of authentic Mexican hot sauce.
Of course, they made us change the name to Turbo Hot Fish Power Paste Zing One Plus Two Go.
And we had to change the recipe, a lot.
But we're still on the label I think.
[gulping, sputtering.]
Hm You can barely taste the mackerel.
- [Turbo.]
Wow! What a city! - [Smooth Move.]
Toky-yo, baby! This town is wild.
Cats that say hello, sushi in the subway, and toilets that talk to you.
They also have more giant monsters than you can count, but I'll try! There's Mecha-Godzilla, Regular Godzilla, Space Godzilla, Godzillasaurus, Manila the S [impact thud.]
This town is hotter than wasabi bubblegum! - Asia! - Man, I can't wait to get out and see it! - Yeah! There's so much to - [shrieks.]
Nobody move! I can't find my bubble-wrap mattress pad! Whoo! I thought it was something important.
Seriously? You brought all these suitcases and you forgot the one thing you need to sleep? Don't be silly.
You know I need more than one thing to sleep.
But I remembered my nightlight, sleep mask and tomatotherapy candles.
I know something soft you could cuddle against, Boo.
Is it a sugar packet? Because that never works.
[laughing.]
Chet, why don't you come with us and we'll all go out - and do some sightseeing? - Sightseeing? In a foreign city? Where anything could happen? No, I'll just stay here and keep looking for my bubble wrap.
Suit yourself, but we are gonna have some fun.
Come on, little amigo! Time for the commercial shoot! [scoffs.]
Already? Your girlfriend can stay here and have whatever she wants in the mini-bar.
It's mostly fish, so she won't lose that girlish figure.
Not letting it get to me.
Guys, I know you want to be supportive and come along, but if you'd rather go sightseeing while I'm - Later on, Turbo! - All right, see ya! [sighing.]
[laughing.]
[techno music playing.]
[gulping.]
[beeping.]
[flushing.]
[female computer voice.]
Konnichiwa.
Beautiful, huh? They are light years ahead of us in toilet technology.
Hm-hm-hm! Wasabi bubblegum! Hm.
[smacking.]
[sizzling.]
I thought it'd be spicier.
[Whiplash singing along in Japanese.]
Ha-ya-i! Ha-ya-i! That was fun, but uh, I was kinda hoping to see some Godzillas, or at least a gang of robot-fighting ghost ninjas! Come on, Skid, you know there ain't really nothing like that.
[mechanical whirring.]
[whirring.]
[powering down.]
[laughter.]
[electrical charging.]
Turbo Hot Fish Power Paste Zing One Plus Two Go is ichiban! [gulping.]
[power surging.]
[cat yowling.]
[giggling.]
[electrical surging.]
Spicy, spicy, spicy! Hot is a sauce of majesty You love it hot It's every time a do Spicy, spicy, I love you Chew is a good time every time Eat the fresh styles You ancestors Most delicious taste [singing in Japanese.]
Thank you! [munching.]
[director.]
Cuto! [bell ringing.]
[exclaiming in Japanese.]
- [bell dings.]
So he liked it? - He says that was horrible.
It has brought shame on your ancestors.
- Huh? - Take two! Action! [music.]
[all exclaiming, murmuring.]
Tito Dos Bros-san! I am Mr.
Salt Fish! I am the creator of Mr.
Salt Fish Excellent Salty Hot Sauce Awesome! Is this part of the commercial, too? I didn't get those pages.
There can be only one best hot sauce in Tokyo! Mr.
Salt Fish Excellent Hot Sauce Awesome challenges your sauce snail to a race! [all gasping.]
If you lose, you are banished from Japan in shame.
Your inferior hot sauce will be cast into the sea in shame! Your name will be cursed for a hundred generations! - In shame? - Yeah, boy! These are the stakes! How do you respond? I don't really understand what's happening [revving.]
but Turbo never backs down from a race.
And just who exactly is he racing against? Behold, my cricket! [romantic music.]
Oh Ah Many apologies.
The heart props are not to be used until the next scene.
- That cricket is fast! - Yeah, fast.
[woman.]
Hayaku is the most famous racing cricket in all of Japan.
She represents Mr.
Salt Fish.
Hayaku and Turbo will do the traditional ceremonial drift race for market dominance! Now, we must discuss terms, followed by all-night karaoke! [screeching stop.]
Turbo-san, it is my great honor to welcome you to Tokyo.
[stammers.]
No, no, i-i-it's my great honor to welcome you to Tokyo.
The city you already live in.
[giggling.]
You are so funny.
And handsome.
- [chuckles.]
Oh, naw.
- What do you think of our city, Turbo-san? - I haven't seen any of it yet.
- Oh, no! Then you must let me be your guide.
- I don't know.
- Please.
Wow! Everything here sure is beautiful.
Like that vending machine over there.
Yep.
Beautiful "live eel vending machine.
" [screaming.]
[giggling.]
Yes, Tokyo is full of wonderful things.
Although, I must admit I have never seen it in slow-motion.
So it's like that, is it? [screeching against pavement.]
[overlapping chatter.]
[all gasping.]
I told you I couldn't sleep without my bubble wrap! Well, I can.
Good night.
You gotta help me! You're our leader! Yeah, and I'm leading by example.
[snoring.]
Chet-man, I got some mellifluously mellow melodies that will put you right to [snoring.]
Don't worry, baby, after a little nap I'll help you find [snoring.]
White Shad [snoring.]
[rapid snoring.]
Fine.
I'll just go out and find my own bubble wrap then, won't I? OK, where to start? [bell dings.]
Oh, cherry tomatoes! Hm.
Maybe I should fortify myself before I go out there.
[chomps.]
[whimpering.]
This is not good.
[screaming.]
I protest! I'm an American citizen! Hm No! No! No! Turbo-san, your speed is even more impressive than my own.
You're pretty fast! Pretty fast! [stammers.]
I-I-I'm totally referring to your speed.
- You must be an excellent drift racer.
- Oh, yeah, totally! - Actually, I have no idea what that is.
- Really? Drifting is the art of sliding through turns so you don't have to slow down.
Follow me and I will show you.
[revving.]
I'm alive.
Alive! I'm lost.
Lost! [echoing.]
Follow me.
[yelling.]
Whoa! [grunts.]
- Is there a problem? - I-I just, uh wasn't ready.
Let's let's do that again.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Burning! [Turbo grunting.]
[panting.]
OK, let's try that again.
You know what they say, fourth, fifth or sixth time's the charm.
[impact thud.]
Turbo-san, perhaps it is your fatigue that prevents your successfulness at drifting.
Let us seek rest and refreshment.
[speaking Japanese.]
[giggling.]
- What did he say? - He said I have - a very handsome boyfriend.
- [nervous chuckle.]
Well You don't know where I can find some bubble wrap, do you? - Excuse me? Perhaps my English - Never mind, I was just trying to help my brother, Chet.
You have a brother named Chet? I have a sister named Chetzuki! Get out! Does she worry about you all the time, too? Yes! Oh, Turbo-san, I know it is not much time we have spent together, - but I feel such a connection.
- Me too.
We have so much in common, our love of racing and speed.
And jellyfish custard.
[grunting.]
[gulping.]
Delicious.
Of course, you are so much faster than I.
Not that much faster.
If I could give you a tip for tomorrow's race: get lower.
Hug the ground to cut down on wind resistance.
Thank you, Turbo-san.
You honor me with this advice.
Now, I will repay the favor.
I will tell you how I learned the secret to drifting, that we have never shared with an outsider.
Oh Uh I'm honored.
[wind blowing.]
You must journey to the top of Mount Mojomoto, far outside Tokyo.
There, you must bring an offering of crimson herring to Sujui, the wild goose of wisdom.
Only then will he teach you the secret of drifting.
Wow.
If I'm gonna race tomorrow, I better leave right away! Thank you, Hayaku.
[revving.]
No, thank you, Turbo-san for falling into my trap! [maniacal laughter.]
[rapid chirping.]
[whimpering.]
[yelling.]
Where am I?! [video game music, effects playing.]
All I wanted was some bubble wrap! [overlapping snores.]
Cod, yellowtail, unagi.
[groans.]
What kind of mini-bar doesn't have crimson herring? - Where you been, garden snail? - Hey, there, Whiplash.
- Uh, I thought you were asleep.
- That's what I wanted you to think.
Why would you never mind.
I gotta find some crimson herring and get to the top of Mount Mojomoto.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a race later today? Race? How do you know about the race? I'm Whiplash.
I always know when there's a race.
Plus, every third building in this town is just a giant TV screen.
Yes.
I am drift racing a very pretty cricket named Hayaku - for hot sauce supremacy.
- Since when do you know how to drift race? I don't yet.
But Hayaku gave me a tip.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! And you believed her? What kind of sucker gives their opponent a tip to help beat them? [clearing throat.]
Oh, no, you didn't! It was a little tip about getting lower to the ground and OK.
So I like her.
So what? She likes me too.
She gave me a tip, sort of.
Which is why I need the herring.
Do I want to know what this tip is or is it just - gonna make me mad? - Probably the second one.
All right, I'm gonna let you learn the hard way.
Check behind the squid juice.
Perfect! Just one more thing.
Could you tie this fish to my spoiler? [squishing.]
OK, now you're pushing it.
Do any of those say "Exit"? How do I get out of here?! - Bad touch! Bad touch! - Huh? [whimpers, gasps.]
[exclaiming.]
[bell dings.]
Bubble wrap! [grunting.]
[powering on.]
[whirring.]
[whimpering.]
No, robot! Chet friend! [impact sound.]
[grunting.]
[powering on.]
[snarling.]
[yelling, grunts.]
[failed start.]
[whimpers.]
[creature roaring.]
[yelling.]
This is why I hate to travel! [music.]
The Ceremonial Drift Challenge Track for Market Dominance! [echoing.]
[fireworks crackling.]
Really? This happens often enough that they need a special track? Uh-oh! Your racer is not yet here! He has shamed your sauce! He'll be here.
He's never missed a race.
Until now.
[satisfied chuckle.]
[grunting.]
[clattering.]
[gasps.]
Phew! Excuse me, but I seek an audience with Sujui, - the wise goose of the mountain.
- Whoa, there, slow down.
I know the air up here is thin, but you're making no sense right now.
I was told I could learn the secret of drifting from the wise wild goose of the mountain? - I brought the crimson herring? - So wait a minute, someone told you to bring a red herring on a wild-goose chase? Well, when you put it like that, I admit it sort of sounds like Oh, no! Hayaku! [groans.]
She played me! None of my business, pal.
Are you sure there's no goose up here? - No, but there is a Eugene.
- [male voice.]
Fish! Eugene loves fish.
[sniffing.]
Or anything that smells like fish.
You smell like fish.
[male voice.]
Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, fish! [grunting.]
Fish! Fish! Ah! - [sniffing.]
Fish? - What?! No! Me?! - I'm just a - Fish.
[smacking.]
[grunting, yelling.]
Fish-fish-fish-fish-fish! [yelling.]
Fish guts! - Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish! - [yelling.]
Where's the road down?! - Thank you! - Fish, fish, fish, fish! Fish! Fish, fish, fish! Uh-oh.
This is gonna be a belly-burner! [screeching.]
Oh! [yelling.]
Fish! Fish? Fish! [screeching.]
Hey, I can drift! All it took was some smelly, slippery fish guts! [cheering.]
Well, Hayaku, I guess I learned the secret of drifting after all.
[gasping.]
[bell dings.]
Hey, that's our hotel! And it's right across from the mall! I know how to get back! [rumbling footsteps.]
[yelling.]
[creature roaring.]
[gasping.]
[whimpering.]
[creature snarling, roaring.]
[saws whirring.]
[roaring.]
Whoo! Domo arigato, Mr.
Roboto! [man over speaker.]
Twenty-eight, 27, 26, 25 [screeching.]
You had me worried, little amigo.
So, what big, secret lesson did you learn on the top of that mountain? Never trust your opponent, no matter how cute she is! [maniacal giggling.]
I wish I'd-a told you that.
Oh, wait, I did! - Ow! What was that for? - That was so you don't forget.
Oh! And I learned how to drift! All it takes is some greasy fish guts! - Ow! What was that for? - That was for not saying that part first! Turbo-san, you have returned.
Did you find the wild goose and learn the secrets of [giggling.]
I'm sorry, I just can't believe you fell for that.
I'll bet you don't even have a sister named Chetzuki, either.
I wish.
Be careful, sistero! But why would you do this? I thought we had a connection.
We did, Turbo-san.
But there is no room for sentiment in the world of celebrity-endorsed hot sauce.
I guess that's the second lesson I learned today.
Wait, no.
That's the third I think.
Let me see.
Sentiment is one, not trusting your pretty opponent is two, and what was that last one? - Oh, yeah, the secret of drifting.
- Wait.
You learned how to Three, two, one, and [crashing.]
Go, go, go! - The first to three laps wins! - Why three? Three is the most delicious number! [music.]
You are right! Racing low does make me faster! Now prepare to be left behind! - Behind what? - You have mastered drifting! Yeah! And you've mastered the obvious.
- Ooh! Drift burn! - That's the power of fish guts, my friends.
[screeching.]
Lap one! Two more to go, yo! Ow! Oh, dear, Turbo.
Is your drift skill running out? Looks like our boy is getting low on glide juice.
Maybe he can tough it out.
Ow! Ow! Ow! OK, that hurts! But not as much as betrayal! Lap two! One more lap till your shameful defeat! OK, team, our boy is in trouble.
Ideas, now! - Uh, uh White Shadow? - Get him some foot oil, pronto! - Oh, White Shadow! - He greased up with fish guts earlier.
- Any fish nearby? - White Shadow! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - The hot sauce! - But we got no time for a pit stop.
White Shadow! [revving.]
Ugh! Fish sauce! Oh, fish sauce! Impossible! Clearly, it's possible because I'm right here! I cannot lose! Rockets: full! Hayaku, no! You're going too fast! You'll never make the turn! I will not shame my sauce! No! [yelling.]
[rapid chirping.]
[yelling.]
Turbo wins! [fireworks crackling.]
Your sauce is superior! I will now retreat in shame! Yo-yo-yo-yo-yo! I'm out! Yeah, boy, Mr.
Salt Fish! [echoing.]
[rockets powering.]
Congratulations, garden snail.
You upheld the honor of your sauce.
- Whatever that means.
- Thanks for having my back, guys.
It's nice to know I have friends I can always trust.
- [all.]
Aw! - That's so sweet.
He means us, right? [sighs.]
Finally! Look, everybody, I found my Ah [snoring.]
Typical Chet.
Never even left the room.
[loud snoring.]