Turbo FAST (2013) s01e10 Episode Script

1 [engine revvs.]
# - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [music.]
[video game sound effects play.]
[Skidmark.]
Plasma swab, check! Mono-magnifier, check! Tinfoil shell, check! - What is he doing? - Preparing to be ignored by us.
Yep.
Every time that boy busts out his investigation kit, he tries to get us on the crazy train.
All aboard in five, four, three, two Come on, team! To Griffith Park! Alien space worms have taken over the caves! We need to expose them before they abduct any more innocent insects! You coming? These aliens aren't gonna expose themselves.
[chuckles.]
Well, I should hope not.
Uh, look here, Skid.
We've been over this.
We can't go chasing down every one of your crazy conspiracy theories.
Yeah, remember when we helped you expose "Hairless Bigfoot?" [Smoove Move.]
It was just some bald dude.
Who had big feet! We're snails.
To us, all dudes have big feet.
This time is different.
The aliens are using an underground, glow-in-the-dark zip line racing scene to lure in their victims.
You see, all I heard was, "The aliens, blah, blah, blah None of the words that come after 'aliens' matter blah, blah.
" Sorry, my brother, but you're playing this tune solo.
[video game beeping.]
So, Skid, are you serious about the zip line racing thing? [X-Files themed music.]
I knew you'd believe me, Turbo.
It's not so much that I believe you as it is that I've never zip line raced before.
So Oh! Moldy tomatoes, I can't zip line.
I don't have a [whirring.]
Sweet! Wait, when did you install this? - Wouldn't you like to know? - Yeah, I would.
Seriously.
Here we are.
Now, remember, these guys claim to be glowworms from New Zealand.
But we know where they're really from.
Whee-ooh! [spooky music.]
Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just, you know, maybe, this is a normal race for normal insects? Hi! You here for the race, too? I can't wait to see all the pretty glowworm lights! - I love lights! Whee! - Define normal.
Man, it's dark in here.
- Glad I got these - Lights! [grunting, thudding.]
- Lights! So many pretty lights! - [Turbo spits.]
Ugh! - Yuck! - Holy mothership! Whoa! [dance music playing.]
[exclaims.]
Shy little guys, huh? Ha! They just don't want us to learn the secrets behind their mystifying butt-glow technology.
Don't worry, I'm on it! [makes "boing" sound.]
I'm gonna need to take this back to the lab for further study.
[steam hissing.]
- You don't have a lab.
- Right right.
I don't have a lab.
[water bubbling, whirring.]
Skid, if you want to get your head out of your shell, I think the race is about to - Who is that? - That's Lumino! Huh! That worm's got mad zip skills.
He must be the alien leader.
Skid, could we drop that already? He's clearly not an alien.
Cah! [chanting in foreign language.]
[spitting.]
[whimpers.]
[continues chanting.]
Well, this is unexpected.
It appears to be some sort of intimidation ritual.
[continues chanting.]
But he doesn't scare me.
Yah! He's clearly doing this [both chanting, mumbling.]
to hide something from us.
What? How could you know what Like a mothership? - Sorry, he thinks you're an alien.
- Huh? But don't be offended.
He thinks most creatures he doesn't know are aliens.
I'm not even sure about me.
Ha! Uh! Ha! [whispering.]
But I'm definitely gonna keep my eye on you.
Anyway, I just want to say this is really cool what you got going on down here and all.
And I look forward to [shouts, exhales, blows raspberry.]
Oh! A serious competitor, I take it.
I can respect that.
- We can chat at the finish line.
- I doubt it, mate.
Well, now you're being just downright [chanting in foreign language.]
rude.
[beeping.]
Oh, yeah! Time to teach Lumino a lesson in racing etiquette by schooling his glowing butt.
I have other plans for his butt.
I don't even want to know what that means.
So let's just get fast! [engine revs, sputters.]
Well, that bites.
[chanting.]
- What's the hurry, Lumino? - Um it's a race? Good point.
You win this round, space worm.
Lights! So pretty! [grunts.]
You all right moth guy? We need to switch lines? Whoa! Oof! [laughs.]
Snailed it.
[yelling.]
Whoa! That was stalac-tight! Did you hear that one? "Stalac-tight.
" - Nice, huh? - Ooh! [yelps.]
[yells.]
Whoa! Yeah! That's what I call the ol' flip and zip.
Man, I wish the rest of the crew was here.
I am killing it with these one-liners.
[yells.]
[hollering.]
[humming.]
Hm Prepare to be [screaming.]
Wha What just happened? [all screaming.]
Hello? Guys? Shuck my shell.
Skid! Skid, you might be You're turning off the lights with your alien butt.
Well, you won't get me without a fight.
[yelling.]
Get off of me, you loony! [both shouting, grunting.]
All right, space worm.
You got nowhere to run.
How far up does this go? The mayor? The president? The imperial intergalactic emperor? The [groans.]
[growling.]
[high-pitched scream.]
[farting.]
[chanting.]
- I don't think your dance is working.
- I can't help it, mate.
I just do this when I'm nervous! [chanting.]
[roaring.]
Is that what took the rest of the racers? 'Fraid so.
The bloody crawly lurks down here, snatching unluckies to take to her wicked lair.
[chanting loudly.]
- So the racers are being abducted! - Yes, by a spider, not aliens.
Though I gotta give it to you on the conspiracy angle.
Why are you helping that thing? It's got my family.
But it promised they'd be safe if I found a way to lure others down here for it to capture.
So you're just sacrificing racers? I didn't know what else to do! I feel heaps of horrible, but it's not like we glowies can leave this cave while that creeper's got me rellies.
Well, it's time to fix that.
How? I'm just a wee worm, and you blokes are Snails.
Or gastropoda mollusca, to the layman.
Also, I have a plan.
You guys wanted a plan, right? [soft chanting.]
Where is everyone? [groaning.]
All right, Skid, this is your plan, so any time you're ready.
[snarling.]
Let's light 'er up.
Kaa! Keep it up, Lumino, it's working! [shrieks.]
Lights! [grunts.]
[grunting.]
Hoo-ha! Rattle your dags! - What does that? - Run! [roaring.]
Oh! Aah! Ah! - Turbo! - Oof! [grunting.]
[roaring loudly.]
And we shall combine to form Turdmark, Warrior of Light! [squeaking.]
They got those in here, too? Well, mates, thanks for helping me nip me rellies from the wop-wop and giving that crawly a good what-for right in the mackadoo.
- I owe you one.
- Actually, when you account for parts, labor and brain power, you owe us All you owe us is another zip race sometime.
You got it! [loud screeching.]
But not here [chanting.]
This cave's no place to raise a larva.
Time to relocate.
We'll send you a line.
[chanting.]
Looks like you'll have to think twice before doubting crazy Skidmark next time, huh? [chuckles.]
Well, I'll think at least once.
Remember, there were no aliens.
[forced chuckle.]
But what an adventure the two of us had together, huh, buddy? My favorite part was when I was riding on you.
I can't wait to tell the guys about Turdmark, warrior of Yeah, I was thinking maybe we just keep Turdmark - as our little secret.
- Our own personal conspiracy I like it! [throbbing hum.]
[X-Files themed music.]
[Mel.]
Welcome to the Festive Tomato Festival of Tomatoes! I'm Mel Shellman, and something is happening, so I'm talking about it.
[high-pitched squeal.]
[Mel.]
This fine, festive festival is held in honor of every snail's favorite food Uh tomatoes! [train whistle blows.]
Ho! What's this? Do I hear the Tomato Trolley? [whistle blows.]
[Mel.]
And you know what that means.
There it is, in all its glorious glory.
It's the Tomato [whistle blows.]
Cup of Tomatoes! And we all know there's only one way to win the coveted cup of this year's finest tomatoes, be crowned the winner of the Tomato Games! [crowd cheering.]
Let the games begin! All right! [all cheering.]
[Whiplash.]
"Heirloom on a Spoon Race?" "Catsup Pond Paddle?" - "Tomato Toss?" - I love tossed tomatoes! You love eating them after they've hit the ground.
Yeah.
Squishy! [Turbo sighs.]
OK, Whiplash, what's the matter? These events.
"Pin the Tail on the Tomato?" Can we all agree tomatoes don't have tails? - No.
- The Tomato Games are shell-headed nonsense.
For a prize like the Tomato Cup, snails should have to compete in real sports.
Like telephone zip line stunt racing.
So I'm guessing you're not gonna hang around to watch.
I'd rather take a bath in a crow's beak than waste my day in these slug-noggined, half-baked What? Something wrong? Mm Yeah.
No, I mean, on second thought, maybe I've been a bit hasty.
Sign me up for the pointless Tomato Games.
[gasping.]
Why do you look like you just saw a ghost? Where was it?! Was there ectoplasm?! Whiplash just entered the Tomato Games.
Oh.
That is weird.
Was he bitten by Tomacula, the tomato vampire?! Better put a garlic crouton around your neck, just to be safe.
[hissing.]
[Mel.]
And now, the first event of the Tomato Games, the Tomato Bronco event, so named for movie actor, Charles Bronco.
Is that right? No, that is wrong.
- You might as well leave now, Breakneck.
- Whiplash, old buddy.
I'm just here for some family-friendly competition.
And if by some chance I happen to win the Tomato Cup We both know "chance" would have very little to do with it.
Well, you'll be happy to know I averted a tomato tragedy.
Preemptive Heimlich maneuver.
- The kid wasn't choking yet, but - Sh! I'm trying to figure out who Whiplash is talking to.
Whiplash entered the Tomato Games? [Skidmark hissing.]
[Mel.]
On your marks [buzzer sounds.]
Go! - Is that a crow? - That old trick? - Not gonna work on - Oh! Whoa! [Mel.]
Winner, Breakneck! - Just who is Breakneck? - A snail whose name makes no sense.
Burn! [giggles.]
[pop.]
- Snails don't have neck bones, so - I got it.
[buzzer sounds.]
[Mel.]
And they're off! [panting.]
[air hissing.]
[Mel.]
Oh, wait, what's this? [Mel.]
Winner: Whiplash! I saw that Breakneck guy try to sink you.
- What's going on? - No time, garden snail.
[Mel.]
Both racers using a very unorthodox style.
Oh! [Mel.]
Winner: Whiplash! [Mel.]
Wow! Winner: Breakneck! [applause.]
[grunting.]
[Mel.]
Winner: Whiplash! Winner: Breakneck! Winner: Whiplash! Winner: Breakneck! Whiplash! [grunting.]
Breakneck! Whiplash! [loud chewing.]
[buzzer sounds.]
[Mel.]
Winner: White Shadow! White [belches loudly.]
Shadow.
- I didn't even know you were playing.
- Playing what? Looks like we're all tied up, pally.
- Gonna wish me luck? - Good luck with me beating you.
Are you forgetting who taught you everything you know? That's the Breakneck I know.
And I've tried to forget everything about you.
All I know is cheaters never win, and winners never cheat.
Then since I'm gonna win, you can't call me a cheater.
- Can you now? - I Uh Don't muddle my smack talk with logic! See you in the winner's circle garden snail.
Garden snail? But you call me garden snail, so why did he call you [muffled.]
garden snail? Sh! Over here.
Breakneck was my old mentor.
- Really? We have to meet him.
- He's also a liar and a con man who's gonna cheat his way to the Tomato Cup.
So we can throw him in snail jail.
What's the story, Whiplash? We were like brothers once, until the incident.
[discordant piano chord plays.]
What incident? [soft screech.]
"The" incident.
[orchestral sting.]
Which incident [discordant piano chord plays.]
Smoove! Enough with the musical sting, please! I provide the soundtrack of our lives, baby.
- Haters.
- Breakneck is here to cheat his way - to winning that Tomato Cup.
- You don't have to do this alone.
- Let's get the team together and - No.
This is on me.
- I'm gonna beat him.
Myself.
- But he's a con man.
How do you know he won't con you, too? - You might need - My-self! Myself! [sighs.]
That is one stubborn shell-head.
[ominous orchestral sting plays.]
You said it, homes.
I thought you were gonna lay off the music.
Yeah, baby, like you're gonna stay out of Whiplash's business.
[unisono.]
Not gonna happen.
[Mel.]
It's all tied up, coming down to the last event, the Tomato Toss! Don't worry, I would never try to get in your head right before an important throw just because [neck cracks.]
you learned everything from me.
Your move, your technique How to ignore people when they're trying to distract you.
[Mel.]
One hundred thirteen centimeters! Oh! A new record! I think! [cheering.]
Shadow! Huh? Whoosh! He's gone! [Mel.]
But now it's Breakneck's turn.
[crowd.]
Whoa! [Mel.]
Great balls of gravy! Breakneck has beaten Whiplash, which means he wins the Tomato Cup and the crown! Shadow! Try that one! Oh! What a wonderful story of hope and redemption Hey! This is rubber! - and outright cheating! - I knew it.
[crowd booing.]
You're outta here! That's not mine! I was framed! I was Beaten, fair and square.
The winner of the Festive Tomato Festival of Tomatoes Tomato Games, Whiplash! All hail King Whiplash! Oh, yeah! Who cares if this shell is moronic? The Tomato Cup is safe and the student has triumphed over the master.
Really? I never wanted your tomatoes, garden snail.
I wanted your shell.
[yelling.]
I knew you couldn't resist a chance to catch me cheating.
And it looks like this cheater won after all.
[coughing.]
I don't think so.
Fan out, team! But I told you, my teacher, my thing.
I know, but my teacher once said, "You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us.
" - Garden snail - Sorry, gotta go! Con man to catch! [whirring.]
[siren wailing.]
[helicopter blades whirring.]
Target is headed towards the east city exit! [tires screeching.]
You think the student of the student can catch the master? Ha! Where you think you're going? Anywhere I want! He's going for the park exit! Your escape is blown, my friend.
[growls.]
[tires screeching.]
Which way, which way? [siren wailing.]
Oh, no! The cops! [siren wailing.]
[siren shuts off.]
Nope, it's DJ Smoove and the Neck Breakers.
Now, for my next track [hip-hop plays.]
Finally, the way out! Ooh! [stomach rumbling.]
- Oh! - Mmm! Bouncy! Going somewhere? Actually, let me answer that in case it's not glaringly obvious No! [grunts.]
How is this possible? I taught you everything you know.
Everything you know, but I've learned a few things on my own, like a good team has your back, no matter what.
Even when you do get a little shell-headed.
But what would a back-stabber like you know about that, hm? Just what did he do, Whiplash? There was an incident.
[orchestral sting plays.]
Don't act like you don't dig it.
You haven't seen the last of me.
You're right.
I'm gonna visit whenever I need to remind myself what a chump looks like.
Well said, Tomato King.
Oh! I forgot I had this ridiculous thing on.
But if I get to lock a no-good cheat in jail, then it's good to be the king.
I'm glad you feel that way.
Because it's time for the final duty of the Festive Tomato King.
[groans.]
What now? [train whistle blows.]
OK, Whiplash, I think that's enough.
Just one more time around.
OK, Freddy, ready to turn this into a real train ride? [boost, all scream.]
[rock music plays.]
Choo-choo! Ha-ha! Chirp.