Turbo FAST (2013) s01e11 Episode Script

Cruise Control - RC Turbo

1 [engine revvs] # - Whoa! - Woo! # Those snails are fast - # Turbo - F-A-S-T # That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - # Those snails are fast - Turbo # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # - # Those snails are fast - Whoa! # Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - # Turbo - Woo! # [music] Our first cruise, little amigos.
It's gonna be great.
They got a waterslide and a climbing wall and classy all-you-can eat buffets.
And it's all free! [engine revs] Ahoy-hoy! You must be Tito! And this must be the F.
crew! Adorable! I'm Becky, the Queen Larry entertainment director! Your track is all set up in the theater! First performance starts at 1400 hours! See you there! Ahoy-hoy! OK, I guess you guys have to do a couple of races [clears throat] a day.
But you heard her, we have 1400 hours, so that's like a ton of time to enjoy the ship first, right? [engines revving] [music] [crowd cheering] [over PA] What a show! They'll be performing again at 1600 hours.
Ahoy-hoy! Does that mean we have 200 hours till the next show? OK, guys, here's what I think we should do first It's limbo time.
How low can I go? - Ooh! I gots to know! - OK.
Well, maybe the rest of us can - Hit that epic waterslide! - I'm not liking this pattern.
And I'm not liking how long it's taking to get my romantic moment at sea.
[pops] - Boo! - All-you-can-eat buffet? How many kinds of tomatoes do you think they have? - Oh! Ah! - Mind your woman, man! I'll be indulging in some spa treatments.
I dare you to say something about my dry shell condition.
Dare you.
[both] See you! - Well, looks like it's just you and me.
- Great! Let's go recalibrate the ship's sonar to search for enemy subs.
Or ghost ships! Or the illusive beast known as the Kraken! [record scratches] Not quite what I had in mind.
Your loss.
[sighs] Well, this would have been much more fun with the crew, but Hold it right there, you stalk-eyed, scurvy-festerin', snot-racer.
The name's Captain Dirtbeard.
[pirate shanty plays] [music] Um, don't you need a boat to be a captain? This here's me boat, and everything on it belongs to me and me crew.
- And the Edelman Brothers.
- [brothers] Hello.
Well, you seem like a delightful bunch, really.
I'd introduce you to my crew, but they're Sorry.
Only one crew per ship.
Pirate Rules.
Look pal, it's a big boat and we're all pretty small, so why don't we just keep our distance.
[growling] Oh.
You either join my crew or you're walking the plank! - Walking the plank? - Show him, Pentapeg! But, Captain, I don't swim so good no more.
Walk the plank or you'll walk the plank! Aye, aye, Captain.
[gasps, grunts] Seriously? You'd just let a member of your own crew take the plunge? That is messed up, guys.
How dare ye insult me crew on me own ship! You think your crew's "bettar" than mine 'cause, what? You race together? Vroom-vroom! [all laugh] I think we're "bettar" for a lot of reasons.
But racing is what we do best.
It's been a while since we had a challenge round here.
And I like the cut of your jib.
You versus me.
A race around me boat to the top of the waterslide.
Pirate Rules: Winner of the race stays, loser, and his crew, best be able to swim.
You want to race me? [laughs] You're on! [sonar pinging] Come ye hither, beast of the deep.
I know you're out there.
[screams] Not my beautiful, white pants! [tentacles crack] Take your mark.
Get set.
Go-ho-ho! [engine revving] This is gonna be too Ah! [Turbo] Ah! Ow! Ow! Come on! Ah! [grunting] [Skidmark] I knew you'd come! Kraken! [whistling] The timing of those steam blasts seemed a little too perfect! - You're cheating.
- That was Pirate Rules! Means anything goes, including our crews helping us.
Oh, but your crew isn't around to have your back.
Hope you brought your sea shell, you mutinous mud swabber! [laughs] [calypso music plays] [all] Go snail! Go snail! Go snail! Go snail! Go snail! [tires screeching] [crashing] [hiccups] Hello, hello, hello.
[squeaking] [screams] Ooh! Roaches! [all screaming] T-bo, what's goin' on? I'm in a race to save our lives! Pirate Rules! Say no more.
I'll get these fools in line.
[dance music plays] Thanks, Smoove! [engine revving] I just a need a small snack before I meet Burn.
For energy.
[angelic choir] Sweet Mother of Tomatopia! [silent snarling] A crab with a hook? Now that's gotta violate all sorts of health and safety codes.
Is there a comment card around here? That Boo better get here soon and give me my romance, or else! Tentacle! [grunting] [steam hissing] [sighs] You got dry shell too? [grunts] You know, I can't let you take my boy down.
That's right, I know a Pirate Rules race when I see one.
[steam hissing] [grunting, thudding] Whoa! That snail is fast! Phew! I thought that was the perfect place for an ambush.
So did I.
[grunting] [steam hissing] [neck cracks] Nothing like a day at the spa.
[grunting, shouting] [straining] This is awesome! I wish my little amigo could see me now! [Becky] Tito! - Oh.
Ahoy-hoy, Ms.
Becky! - Where are your snails?! - They go on in five! - I don't If your snails miss a performance for our guests, I'll make sure you never take another cruise again, on any cruise line.
I don't think you have the power to do that.
[yells] Try me! [silent fart] I'll go find him! [grunts] Ah! Oh! [yelps] Ah! OK, Boo, you have to decide what you love more, me or this food that's trying to kill you? Oh, there's gonna be some roasted crab on the menu tonight! You're chasin' the wrong snails, Hookens! Yes! [laughs] [grunts] Hold on, Boo! [soft, romantic music] Now, that's what I call romance! You may take my ship, but not without taking my wrath! [warcry] Ooh, yeah! Captain, how can I help Whoa! [gurgling] Nice try, Dirtbeard.
[Pentapeg] Captain! Help! Help! I'm gettin' sucked into the abyss! [straining] I told you anything goes.
[muffled yelling] [coughing] The kraken saw what you did for his crewmate, so we declared a truce.
You know a kraken is a mythical giant squid, and I'm just an octopus, right? "Right.
" And I'm just a snail.
Uh, guys, kind of in the middle of a thing here.
- Huh? - White Shadow! Hey, Turbo.
Pirate Rules.
[all cheering, laughing] So, your crew had your back after all.
- They always do.
- Let's get on with it.
Wait! You and your crew don't have to do this.
In a couple of days, we'll have gone back to Van Nuys and you can have your boat back.
I may be a scoundrel, but I follow the Pirate's Code.
And so does me crew! Let's go, boys.
[boinging] Yah! [splashing] Like I said, Captain, I don't swim so good.
[Tito] Here you are! [panting] I've been looking all over the ship for you! - Look, you guys need to - [Becky] Tito! - Ahoy-hoy! - Ahoy-hoy? Yes, ahoy-hoy! I've heard that your snails have been racing and entertaining our guests all around the ship! What a wonderful idea! I'm so glad I came up with it.
Come with me so we can discuss getting you guys on more cruises! Uh, OK.
Ahoy-hoy, little amigos! Yep.
That was one messed up crew.
- Eh, Captain? - Oh, you know it, my matey.
Now, what was it you were so eager for our crew to do together before? What? The brochure said mini golf! See, you gotta read the fine print! [all chattering] [engines revving] "Dos Bros Industries presents the Van Nuys Grand Prix Shellping Hands Charity Race.
" - Perfect! - "Shellping Hands"? Yeah, it's our new charity.
And when Turbo wins today's race, it'll be a household name.
Like Mold-Away Spray or Dr.
Funk's Odor Punch.
Dude, what's going on at your household? - Man, I can't wait for this race.
- So you aren't nervous? Nervous? Why would I be nervous? Because the name of the charity you sponsor is on the race, so if you lose, people will think that Shellping Hands is a loser, too.
Well, thanks, little ray of sunshine.
Now I am nervous.
Don't worry! I'm an expert masseuse.
A little shell-atsu massage should help calm you down.
Oh! Shadow What are you - Oh! That's actually really nice.
- Uh, be careful.
- Don't give him the Nakbar Nerve Pinch.
- Don't worry.
I won't.
- 'Cause I have no idea what that is.
- It's this! [groaning] See? Bad news.
- Wake him up.
- OK.
- How? - You don't know? - Nope.
- Of course.
Why would you? Turbo's got his pre-race interviews about the charity any minute now.
So fix this! Uh, all right Well, uh We could try [up-tempo music playing] [air horn blasting] [splashing] [squeaking] [slurping] [belching] - Yeah, I got nothing.
- So, garden snail, you ready to serve some home cooking to those other racers? - How do I know this is your fault? - Well, I was about to demonstrate how not to do the Nakbar Nerve Pinch.
- Uh-uh! - [crowd chanting] Turbo! Turbo! It's time for his interviews! What are we gonna do? [snoring] This is never gonna work.
How about a little less attitude and a little more altitude? [yelling] There you are, little amigo.
Everyone's waiting for you.
Ah, your little buddies want to show their support.
Classy move, bros.
You guys ready to be on TV? Hopefully Skid will have found a cure by the time - we get through these interviews.
- If we get through them.
[yelping] You tryin' to limber up for the interview? I never tried that.
Let's get our stretch on! Ooh! [whimpering] Ah! Ooh! [yelling] You trying to pull his eyes off? Yes! I'm trying to pull my own brother's eyes off! - [all clamoring] Tito! - Tito, is Turbo ready for this race? Of course Turbo is ready.
But what we really want to discuss is our new charity: Shellping Hands.
Right, little amigo? [squeaking] - Chet! - It's a bee! [buzzing] [blowing] [squeaking] My life totally changed the day Turbo and I found each other.
[screaming] And together, we built a better world for people and snails! So that's why we formed Shellping Hands.
[yelling] [hollering] We wanted to share our success by pairing up kids like little Jimmy here with their own snails.
I was a troubled youth with no direction, but then Shellping Hands introduced me to Frank.
[all] Aw! And now I am into computer classes.
Aw, look, it's Turbo's girlfriend.
I think she wants to be on TV.
Oh, for the love of peat moss! Mission accomplished.
The world knows about Shellping Hands.
I'm thinking we should cut our losses and just pull Turbo from the race.
Shellsworth and I think this new charity is remarkable.
We'll donate a million dollars and as many tomatoes to the cause! [cameras clicking] Wait, what's that, Shellsworth? You think this race needs higher stakes? And we should only donate if Turbo wins? Oh, that's a delightful idea! [all gasping] That's right, Shellsworth.
Tomatoes are for closers.
Skid, you better have something for us.
Turbo's gotta win this race! These homemade smelling salts are sure to wake him up.
[bubbling] [all shouting] [steam hissing] [all coughing] OK, looks like we're gonna have to resort to Plan Q.
Because everybody will be expecting Plan B.
[spooky music] Behold, my newest invention.
The radio controlled Turbo shell! - He's awake! - No.
He's still out.
But now we can remote-control race him.
[horse whinnying] [crowd cheering] [engines revving] Bank left.
Bank right.
And if you do this [engine revving loudly] Gimme that.
You sure this is gonna work? Well, he'll still be fast, but I don't know about fast enough to win, so I'll keep looking for cures.
[bell chiming] - [all] Go! - I got it! [engine revving] Wow.
You really are bad at this.
Have you ever played a video game before? Of course not! Have you? I ain't got no time for video games! Then I'll thank you in advance to step off! [buzzing] [all exclaiming] That wasn't my fault.
This controller is super sensitive.
Yeah, the controller.
- Can I play now? - Nuh-uh! I'm just starting to get the hang of it.
You know you don't get extra lives, right? You're all gonna need extra lives if you don't shut your tomato holes! OK, kid.
Wait for your opening, and Now, that's how it's done, son! [high-pitched voice] Why thank you, Whiplash.
If only I listened to your advice more often, I might be a superior racer by now.
[normal voice] You're darn right you would be! Uh, Skid, any luck finding a way to wake Turbo up? I just need to finish inventing this warp drive so I can travel to the Nakbar Nebula to ask around.
Have you thought of just trying the Internet? "Have I thought of trying the Internet?" - For what? - The cure! Oh, OK, well, that's a different way to go.
[music] You got this guy if you take the turn hard on the outside.
[tires screeching] Not that hard! That's it, you've lost it.
I'm subbing in! [clicking] - Is it my turn to play yet? - [all] No! You best not race like a wussy! My man don't race like no Oh.
Yes he does.
[Whiplash] He's already falling behind.
OK, now brother.
Let's start with a simple pass.
Come on, baby.
Take him! Trying to concentrate here, sweetie.
[chuckles] Now, we need to give a proper turn signal.
This is a race, not safety patrol! Put the pedal to the metal! [grunts] Would you stop backseat joysticking! - Now, how do I turn on his signal? - Maybe it's this button.
[squeaking] Yes, Shellsworth.
The boy's sure got his own style! Yeah, style.
Skid, we could really use some help right about now.
[Skidmark] Man, there is, like, no information on the Internet about the Nakbar Nerve Pinch.
It's almost like I made it up! [dance music plays] That's my cue.
Let's see if my Smoove touch can get our boy back in this race.
First let's find some tunes to match my driving prowess.
[changing radio stations] [man] He's gonna get crushed! [radio stations changing] Man, none of these stations play passing music.
Come on! My turn! I wanna play! [electricity crackling] [beeping] Yeah, uh probably should have warned you about that.
Anyhoo after combing the Internet, hacking into black site government research facilities, and trolling several film fan sites, I discovered one "deep sleep cure" that always works in the movies: true love's kiss! [all laughing] All right, we are desperate here, folks.
So let's just assume, for a second, that this idea isn't insane.
Who would be Turbo's true love? He doesn't have a girlfriend.
What about brotherly love? That's true love, right? Come on, guys! Can't we just make him pull over and stop? He's too far behind.
If he stops now, he'll lose the race.
Do it for the kids, Chet! [cheering] All right, I'm going in.
[sighs] The things I do for you.
Come on, Boo! Man, Turbo's girlfriend really wants to be on TV! Does she know how much money and tomatoes are at stake? A lot.
Exciting, isn't it, Shellsworth? [laughs] I can't do this! Yes, you can, baby! Just pretend it's me! Which means you better not miss! [sighs] OK.
[smacking kiss] [all] Oh! [exclaiming] [bell ringing] [spits, coughs] OK, this definitely one of the weirdest dreams I've ever Not a dream! Go, brother, go! [crowd cheering] [flashbulbs popping] Time to celebrate with your little amigos, little amigo.
Also, you might wanna set some boundaries with your girlfriend, bro.
Well, guys, I really have no idea what just happened, but I'm guessing that I would never have won that race without you.
So thanks.
- Ah, no need to thank us.
- Especially him.
I'm just thrilled to be done with the craziness of Whoa! [shouting] Finally! My turn! [Turbo shouting]