Twentysomething (2011) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

So how is work, mate? Actually, I got fired.
You've really got to get your shit together, OK? Yeah.
We have to vacate the premises by Sunday.
Guess who I just saw outside.
Who? Billy.
What? So you're back.
This is me back.
Yep.
£ MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY (Screams) Ooh! Why are we wet? You fell in the pool, mate.
(Sighs) Did I embarrass myself? No, no-one saw.
It's all good.
£ I could never learn to fly £ Jumping out of airplanes £ I find it hard enough to survive £ Without falling from the sky £ I could never find peace that way.
£ So this is the new digs, huh? Yes.
How is it going? It's a bit of a shitbox at the moment, actually.
Oh, really? Yeah.
I've maxed out my credit card so I've got no money to buy any furniture.
Yeah, I know what that's like.
My little OS adventure left me eight grand in debt to the Bank of Dad.
Oh, but that is comforting to hear.
Is it? Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like the only one that doesn't have my shit together.
I just don't know why everyone is in such a rush to grow up! No, I love Peter Pan syndrome.
It's really working.
(Laughs) Hey, how come your aunty is getting rid of all this stuff? Um, she can't fit it in her house.
She's going through this really, really nasty divorce.
Oh.
It's be great timing for us.
Well, that's good.
You always see the silver lining in things, Jessie.
It's one of your superpowers.
Thank you.
Hey, Jess.
There's no hot water.
Oh.
Hey, Billy.
Hey, Joshy.
I got us beds.
Oh.
This single is yours.
Why is it covered in plastic? Uh, the previous owner may have had a bit of a bed-wetting problem.
Great.
Thanks, Jess.
That's OK.
Here you go, mate.
Why don't I leave you two with it? I better get back to work, anyway.
Dad's docking me for every second that I'm not on the job.
Well, thanks for your help.
Yeah, no worries.
Are you kidding? Any chance I get to pretend to be a real man with my truck.
Dad's truck, but you know what I mean.
Yeah.
We should do that drink, though.
Do you want to catch up for that? OK.
Alrighty.
Well, I'll give you a buzz.
Cool.
Alright.
Enjoy the house.
See you.
Pleasure.
(Dog barks) Let's just eat a free dinner and get out of here.
Your brother hates me for some reason.
I think it's one of those 'hates but secretly lusts' sort of things.
Why don't you set the example and be nice? (Door bell rings) No.
He's supposed to be the mature one.
(Door buzzes) (Silence) (Sighs) More wine, anyone? BOTH: Yes, please.
So, Joshy, the reason I wanted to talk to you tonight is 'cause Uncle Phil is heading to Singapore for a month and he's looking for someone to look after the cleaning business.
And you've worked for him before and because you don't have a job at the moment and you seem insistent on not working with me at the agency, he and I both thought that you might be interested.
Did Uncle Phil ask for me personally? Josh.
Come on, Nick.
Cleaning? Have a bit of respect for your brother.
He's not a refugee.
He's actually a very skilled barista.
Well, Jess, that might be true, but he's going to need your help - it's a two-person job.
(Laughs) No way.
I mean, I barely clean my own home.
I believe that.
Nick, come on.
Be nice.
That's OK, Abby.
We're not a charity case, Nick.
Come on, Josh.
Jess, we don't think that.
Let her go.
Look at her.
She loves these big dramatic exits.
Jess, we might not be in a position to be picky.
Yeah, well, we'll talk about it at home, Josh.
(Keys jingle) (Light switch flicks) JESS: Did you pay the electricity bill? JOSH: With what money? (Sighs) (Inhales) I'll be outside.
You can deal with this.
(Exhales) JESS: Wow.
Very regal.
Nice one, Shirl.
Oh, hello.
Oh, hello.
Uh, who are you? Oh.
Sorry I'm Josh.
This is Jess.
And my Uncle Phil has gone away on a last-minute business trip so he left his most loyal and valued customers in my capable hands.
Oh, you're a lot younger than Phil is.
We are younger, but we're here to service your every cleaning need.
(Laughs) Just my cleaning needs? Yeah.
(Laughs) OK.
I'm going to break up whatever it is that's going on here.
We need to get started, Julie, so if you don't mind I'm just going to squidge past you here.
Ooh.
Just barely scraping in.
Sorry about her, Julie.
Oh, that's perfectly fine, Josh.
I'm off to Pilates now, so I look forward to seeing you a bit later.
OK.
Josh, I think I've underestimated this job.
I love it.
She leaves and we get free range of the palace! Jessie, stay out of her cupboards, please.
That's a breach of her trust.
You're just jealous 'cause you want one and you're hungry.
Your blood sugar levels have dropped.
You're being ridiculous, Jess.
Phil runs a top-of-the-line business of service and style.
I want to uphold his reputation and you have to, as well.
Well, stop tarnishing it, then, flirting like that with a client.
You are.
Flirting.
You go upstairs, do the bathrooms.
I'll stay and do the kitchen.
Alright, alright.
Thank you.
Your special day.
Josh.
I'm done with that one.
I'll get that, Julie.
(Laughs) There you go.
Aren't you sweet? Well, I'm here to lighten the load.
(Giggles) Oh, look.
I know I'm supposed to settle the accounts, but my husband is away again.
So let me give you a tip for all your hard work.
Oh, OK.
That's very generous, Julie.
Thank you.
Julie, do you have two tens instead? It's just we're splitting everything 50-50.
It's a lot easier.
Sure.
Sorry about that, Julie.
That's OK, Josh.
Thank you.
See you soon.
See? Pays to be nice to people.
That was more than nice, Josh.
(Laughs) You practically went down on her.
You're right.
He's so gorgeous.
And he's a real sweetheart, as well.
Hopefully he'll work up a sweat and have to take that shirt off.
(All laugh) Would you do that in the upstairs rooms, please? It's very noisy.
I'm actually all done now.
And you know what? (So is Josh.
) (Door bell rings) Hey, Tina.
I'm Josh.
Josh.
I know.
Susie phoned and said that Phil was away .
.
and that I'd be happy about it.
Which way to your bathroom, Tina? Great.
That fake tan is not going to clean itself off the floor, is it? Josh, listen to this.
I'll read you a good bit.
(Reads) So I've just finished the lemon detox diet.
A final attempt to lose weight to please my husband.
But he seems to have completely lost interest in me.
Now I see his eyes wander to other pretty young things in their 20s.
Maybe I should just do the same.
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't fantasised about sleeping with my son's friends.
(Laughs) You better watch out, Josh.
This old bitch is on heat.
She'll get you.
Jess, that's so judgemental.
Honestly, I think she's lovely.
I mean, she's a bit starved of attention, yes.
Men can be pricks.
If a bit of harmless flirting brightens up this lady's day .
.
I'm happy to be of service.
Can you finish up in here? Josh.
I don't even know what to do.
There's got to be a quicker way to make money than this, Josh.
Yeah.
Be patient, Jess.
We'll get there.
No, we don't really have the luxury of time.
The banks have been calling me persistently today.
Now they're threatening to repossess stuff.
You might have to give them Phil's van if it comes to it.
Jess, it's not going to come to that.
That lady in there just made another booking for Thursday.
She gave me a cash tip.
Mm.
We need more than a couple of gold coin donations from these tarts.
Are you jealous I'm getting the attention? (Laughs) No.
As long as it's making us money, Josh, I'm perfectly happy with you whoring yourself off.
Get down on your knees if you have to.
Josh.
I've just found something.
It's going to double our hourly rate plus much better tips.
Really? What is it? There's this guy, he cleans, just like what you and I are doing, and he's decided to wear kinky outfits.
It's called erotic cleaning.
Jess, you're not serious.
It's just tighter outfits, Josh.
And you said yourself a bit of flirting was good for the business.
Well, that seems pretty full-on.
What's full-on is the fact that we've got no furniture, the bank is breathing fire down my neck, I'm the one dealing with all of this.
So if you've got a better idea speak up now.
You didn't.
Alright, settled.
£ LIVELY MUSIC Come on, Josh.
You can't hide in the back here forever.
Are you sure this looks alright? You just have to trust me.
I wouldn't put you in this position if I didn't think you had the body.
Thanks, Jess.
Ooh! Just don't get fat.
Morning, Susie.
Today is your lucky day.
OK, ladies.
Take a seat.
Now it's time to talk woman to woman.
I'm here to tell you I can read between the lines.
I know what you want, but you're too afraid to ask for it.
You don't have to hide behind soundproof glass anymore like the creepy cougars that you are, 'cause today, for a very small inflated price, I give you erotic cleaning! What do you think? No more lonely days of not being seen or heard or even appreciated.
Because Josh is here just for you in all his youthful glory to make sure the cleaning experience is the filthiest one we can possibly provide.
(Giggles) So you just sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
£ Sexy mother Won't you come over? £ Bend over.
Now pop.
£ Come tonight I'm feeling kind of uptight £ Can't say why I'm bitten by the love bite.
£ Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
Time's up.
Really? Yep.
But the floors are only half mopped.
I know, but now that there's the extra services you can only afford us for half an hour.
But you looked like you had fun, didn't you? Great.
Tell all your friends about us.
Well, good news travels fast, I see.
Yes.
We still do clean.
It's all very classy.
We wear cute little outfits and just lots of sexually charged choreography.
Oh, um, it's going to cost you a bit more, but I'm sure he'd be more than happy to wear a G-string.
Actually, Julie, the talent would prefer a full brief if that's OK.
But I promise you they'll be borderline see-through.
Well, get ready to stuff some cash in .
.
if you can find the room.
(Laughs) OK.
We'll see you soon.
Bye.
You're still coming across a little bit stiff.
If we're going to do this I need you to commit 110% and make sure the client's getting exactly what they want.
Right.
So loosen up.
Here you go, ladies.
Get you nice and relaxed (Giggles) £ Sexy mother, won't you come over £ Take your cover, call my number £ Come tonight I'm feeling kind of uptight £ Can't say why I'm bitten by the love bite £ I'm hearing you You're moving in £ Stop! We had a grabber over here.
I said no hands, ladies.
That costs more.
Gosh.
(Giggles) And what is this?! That's just Save it, Lady! That's just my husband's.
I know exactly what it's for and if anyone is exploiting Josh on the internet it's going to be me.
Expose the film.
Come on, Josh.
Let's get out of here.
This just got weird.
(Mobile phone rings) Hello? Jess, it's Billy.
Oh, hey! Hey.
What are you doing right now? Oh, I'm just at work.
Your cleaning job? Yeah.
And I'm in a bit of a rush, actually.
I'm running late for my next client.
Was there something specific that you wanted? Yeah, no.
I just saw something incredibly weird that made me think of you and I'll talk to you about it later.
Are we still on for that drink? Yeah, great.
Love to.
Um Just text me the address and I'll be there.
Yeah, alright.
Great.
OK.
Bye.
OK.
Bye.
Sorry I'm late.
No, that's alright.
I'll get us a couple of drinks.
No, it's alright.
I'll get it.
Let me get it.
My shout.
God, I need this.
Yeah? I've had a crazy day.
Big day at work? Yep.
Hey, just before we do small talk and catching up, do you mind if I sort of address a bit of an elephant in the room? You're not going to get serious on me, are you? No, not really, but Look, I know I've been away, I've come out of the loop, but I know you're a stripper.
I know you're stripping.
I don't even know stripers I'm not a stripper.
Well, you're not a cleaner.
We had a cleaner as a kid and Miss Jennifer did not wear that.
Right, OK.
Let's just back up a bit there, Nancy Drew.
I actually am a cleaner.
Not that I really need to justify myself to someone that's going through my bag.
It was sort of open.
Due to some very serious financial strain, our business has taken a slightly erotic turn.
I don't really know if I get that.
All the women that we clean for, they're rich, desperate housewives.
So I just saw a bit of an opportunity and now we dance and we clean while wearing kinky outfits.
It's called 'erotic cleaning'.
You are crazy, you know that? Well, we're making crazy money, so Who's laughing now? And Joshy's up for this? I didn't pick him as a male dancer.
Oh, you should see him, Billy.
He is loving it.
Yeah.
(Laughs) What do you think? Is it dirty? Well, I'm not phased by much.
I'm probably the wrong person to be asking.
I'm not surprised by your success, though.
But, hey, if it's making you feel like a whore just tell Jess to back off a bit.
Someone needs to speak up to her.
Yeah.
What are you guys doing back? We saw an early session.
(Laughs) Why are you in your work clothes? I've got a private booking.
Billy's here.
How romantic.
You set up candles.
Oh, no.
That's not for him.
That's 'cause we didn't pay the electricity bill.
Like I'd go to that much effort for a guy.
No wonder you're single.
OK.
Say no more.
We'll do a few laps of the street.
That'd be great.
Thank you.
OK.
(Birds chirp) JOSH: What's this? Oh, look.
Do you mind just waiting for a second? My husband's on his way to work.
He doesn't know about the erotic service.
Oh, that's fine.
Discretion is assured, Tina.
Great.
All the girls are inside.
The champagne is already chilled.
And the place is a mess! Sounds fantastic.
She's very excited, isn't she? So tell me about last night.
I saw Billy do the walk of shame this morning.
Yeah, no, there's nothing really to tell, actually.
It was just a case of too many beers and a bit of a trip down memory lane.
That's it? Yep, that's it.
Can't two friends who used to be more than friends sleep together and it not be a big deal, Josh? It's not a big deal.
But if romantic comedies have taught me anything, things always get a bit more complicated than that.
OK, ladies.
Drinking in the day just got a little bit less lonely.
Get ready to be cleaned, 'cause you've been filthy bitches! £ Sexy mother, won't you come over? £ Take your cover, call my number £ Come tonight and £ £ Where you gonna put them sexy lips there, baby? £ Shake your hip, yeah, baby.
£ Do you want to see more? (All cheer wildly) What? No! What? Too much? £ SAD PIANO MUSIC Josh, come in here.
I want to show you something.
We've got a lounge room again.
Wow.
Wow! New telly, shelves.
What do you think? You spent everything? We'll make it back.
It's fine.
We're booked all week.
Hit the shower.
We've got a booking in 45 minutes.
We've got to make that money.
Jessie? What? I don't think I can do this anymore.
What are you talking about? I'm just starting to feel a bit filthy.
Josh this is the first time we've ever been good at anything and now you just want to destroy it, you just want to throw it away 'cause all of a sudden you feel self-conscious, fat or something.
I just thought we've got all this furniture now.
We can quit now, we're ahead.
We're not ahead.
I was relying on this week to get us in the clear.
Have another drink and you'll be fine, you'll feel great.
No, I can't keep drinking to hide the fact that I feel uncomfortable.
Josh, it's no longer about you, it's about these women.
They need you.
Sitting at home waiting for you to come around.
You're making a difference in their life.
Or, actually, just go back to being ordinary.
That's fine.
That's what you're comfortable with, isn't it? So do that.
(Door bell rings) Oh.
Hello, Mrs Miller.
Now, let's take a look at this mess of yours! You messy woman! Take a seat.
Don't be shy.
Ooh! Get ready for the filthiest clean of your life! £ Sexy mother Won't you come over? £ All I could make out were cries of 'Rape, rape, rape'.
Really? I don't remember hearing that.
MRS MILLER ON TAPE: Rape! Rape! Rape! OK, well, in our defence, Officer, some of our clients actually like the whole 'break and enter' scenario.
Well, she wasn't one of those clients.
We're so sorry.
We had no idea she didn't know about the extra services.
Exactly.
It was a funny misunderstanding.
I don't think it's funny at all.
You've committed a serious crime.
I'm too sensitive to go to jail.
Well, it's not like we've come out unscathed.
I mean, Josh here is completely covered in scratches.
Maybe we'd like to press some charges, as well.
You're quite a piece of work, young lady.
Aren't I? Officer, what's it going to take to get us out of this little pickle? Firstly, you're in quite a bit of trouble as it is.
Propositioning an officer is against the law.
Well, don't flatter yourself.
Sit down.
(Sighs) Today is your lucky day.
It turns out the victim was too rattled to press charges so it says here.
You need to pay for the damages to her china doll collection and shut down your little cleaning service.
And then we're free to leave? So we're not going to jail tonight? Well, once you've paid for your bail, unfortunately, yes, you're free to go.
(Sighs) Let's go.
I can explain.
I don't want to hear about it.
This is an all-time low, mate.
A sex worker? Really? I'm not a sex worker.
Just save it.
Jessie, I think you should cover up.
No, Josh.
I'm not ashamed of what I do.
£ BREEZY MUSIC (Whistles) How much? JESS: I reckon this isn't the first time you've had a whore in the back of your car, Nick.
NICK: I think calling yourself a whore is more derogative towards you than it is to me, Jess.
Julia Roberts did alright for herself.
That was a movie.
Based on a true story.
JOSH: No, Jess.
That was Erin Brockovich.
Oh.
There's nothing funny about an elderly woman undergoing a full rape exam.
OK.
Well, not now.
We had a deal.
If I put my neck out for you with this job there'd be no more binge drinking, smoking or bullshit.
Are you going to keep him? No, he'll make me money.
It's time you got out of that filthy share-house environment, yeah? Actually, I'm trying to contribute.
This will be the fourth dog we've returned this week.
Oh, we? So you're a 'we' now? £ Love has come at last Throw your sorrows in the past £ Dancing in the rain £ Two feet in the sand We're still finding Peter Pan £ To make things stay the same £ Run into the waves, into the waves £ Under the water we will sing £ Oh, under the sun, under the sea.
£ Closed Captions by CSI