Ugly Betty s02e11 Episode Script
Zero Worship
Previously on "Ugly betty" You have a secret husband? I haven't seen stuart for five years.
I'm sick.
What are we talking about here? $100,000 For an experimental treatment.
I don't know what my father's talents are.
I don't even know who he is.
That's all the more reason to keep looking.
There is a business to be run.
Time to grow up.
Guys, everyone is watching.
We're not gonna choose a president with a paintball war.
I'm not letting you win this.
Is this bradford meade's body? If I can't marry into the meade family, I will give birth to an heir.
You don't know it's me.
and I heard you snickering.
Very mature.
Oh, and drop that off at human resources.
Thank you.
Oh, would you get out of my way, sticks? I hate fashion week- divas, bitches! and, younow, everyone is on that new cheesecake-heroin diet.
ooh.
I could totally stay on half that diet.
Is it just me or are these models even skinnier this year? Oh, size zero-zero is the new zero.
Ugh.
Do you know I spent this morning fitting a spinal column with a tuft of hair? Okay, here are daniel's v.
I.
P.
Tickets to luella, lacroix, chan and ronson.
Right here.
Get it? I got it.
Okay.
Betty, here's the guest list for "mode.
" Daniel needs to star the people he wants on the front row.
And can you make sure that they're - famous, pretty, skinny.
Got it.
There you are.
Hey.
Hey.
I know I'm not gonna see you much this week, so here.
It's got water, granola bars and the evacuation routes for the "mode" show.
Oh, and That's gotta last you till friday.
You'll wait for me? come back alive.
That's all I ask.
give 'em heck, betty.
Oh, thank god.
Thank you.
Check it out- a peace offering fro the dalton swivel task chair.
It's like god is cradling my butt with his hands.
Mm.
Sounds comfy.
Okay, here's the graphic for the runway show on friday.
That's it, huh? Yep.
It's okay.
See, now that's the problem- it's just okay.
This is gonna be the first fashion week on my own.
Everyone's gonna be watching me, betty.
Daniel, it'll be great.
I watched the run-through last night, and it's not great.
I hate to admit it, but wilhelmina always came up with cool themes.
You know,2004, it was "hollywood's golden era.
" The next year, it was"palace of versail and the press, they ate it up.
Well, we are under a tent.
Oh, here's a theme- "cirque du soleil.
" Cirque du so lame.
What about, um, an '80s thing? Big hair- big snore.
Okay, see, you're in that place, so let's brainstorm later.
Right now I have to go give justin's class a tour of the magazine.
Right now? Remember? I'm showing them how the publishing world works, molding young minds.
I told you about this.
Did I look like I stening when you were telling me? Yes.
You did.
Wow.
I'm getting pretty good at that.
Great.
Where the hell is it? What bastard took it? Oh, there you are.
Oh, I love you, rocky road.
My parents never let me have ice cream as a child.
Well, it's good to see the hormone shots aren't affecting you at all.
I hate these shots.
But I love pasta and sunflowers.
Oh.
Okay, let's focus.
"Slater" magazine is dead, and this is our only chance you getting a piece of the meade empire.
You're right.
I've beenhorm-otional.
But the hardest part is almost finished.
Exactly.
Soon dr.
Weiss will extract your eggs, fertilize them with bradford's yeolde sperm, pop 'em back into your girlie place and then voil? Okay, I never thought I'd say this to a woman before, but turn around and bend over.
One, two, stick.
Aah! Marc! And 're done.
Oh, marc, we're gonna be such good parents.
Oh.
Oh.
Lindsay, just so you know, I interned here last summer.
The lizard belt in september's issue- all me.
oh, my god, you're almost cool.
this is the conference room, where we have our weekly meetings.
The editors meet to discuss which articles go into the issue, after that, the freelancers submit their rough draft.
Fun fact-50% of our writers are freelancers.
that's right, kids, anyone can be a writer.
now line up, because I have a "mode" pencil for each and every one of you.
No pushing.
Wow.
Really? Okay.
Moving on Let's go, kids.
Betty, it's so rewarding to see one of my former students succeed as a working writer.
Oh, um, actually, I'm still just an assistant.
Oh, well, you're all grown up and living in the big city.
She still lives at home in queens.
Oh, well, your sense of style has certainly Does anybody have any questions? When you did the paris hilton shoot, was she, like, super skinny in real life? Yeah, was she wearing extensions? I don't really get involved in that side of it.
Any other questions That aren't about celebrities? Yes, hillary.
Well, you did an article on the fur industry.
Was there any backlash? Because, I mean, you advertise furs in your issues.
Oh, I love that question.
High five.
Uh Hillary! Oh, man.
Whatever.
Uh, um, never mind.
It doesn't matter.
No, no, it does.
It-it raises a very interesting ethical issue.
Let's go, kids.
Are you trying to ruin hillary's life? What? Justin, she's the only one who's listening to anything I'm saying.
Yes, but lindsay is the leader.
If she doesn't like what someone says, she makes their life hell.
It's like "lord of the flies" in ballet flats.
Guys, look, I know it looks very glamorous, but "mode" is about so much more than just fashion.
It is about journalism and telling stories that reach out to people, not about what gisele is eating for lunch.
Gisele eats lunch? What did she eat? I have no idea.
Cucumber-wrapped sushi, sevejelly beans, sparkling water at room temp.
"Mode" is awesome.
yeah, it makes you realize I totally need to go on a diet.
who are you? What do you do? Do you have a boyfriend? You're so gorgeous.
Who does your hair? I wanna be you.
Doesn't she look so skinny? Yeah, I love your makeup.
Oh.
Oh, please be ewan mcgregor.
Well, that's lovely, ewan, but I have had better.
I hope you're talking about this morning.
Stuart! Easy, tiger.
Why not? Only on of my organs is failed.
Stop it.
Don't joke.
Do you not have a doctor's appointment today? Yes, but I'm skipping it.
I'm-I'm tired of being prodded and poked.
Stuart, you're sick.
You can't deny it.
You-you've got to go.
I don't want to lose you.
Christina, you know, that's a man, not a bottle of vodka.
So introduce us.
I'm stuart, her husband.
Oh.
You're married? You don't work here anymore.
I'm gonna go and call security.
No, I'm here on business.
Excuse me, mcstraighty, if you'll avert your eyes, I have a clandestine meeting in the secret sex room.
I've been in there.
Oh.
oh.
ew.
Hey, lady.
Hey, tramp.
Shall we have lunch? Oh, are you playing "papa, can you hear me?" Again? I'm just spending some quality time with my dads.
Today I'm feeling particularly close to jimmie "j.
J.
" Walker.
Dy-no-mite.
Oh, you're gonna find him, amanda.
I don't know, ma.
Today I got a call from the private investigator and- dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
What do we like to call him? Dick tracy.
He came up with nothing.
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
He was shooting blanks.
Yeah.
you know, marc, not everything has a sexual inunendo.
I come in here every single day, and I just stare at this wall.
He's all I think about.
You're right.
As much as I like seeing my friends in a bad place- you know, because it makes me feel superior Mm-hmm.
this isn't fun anymore.
m gonna help you.
We're turning to a higher power.
A psychic? She's amazing.
My first time, she totally figured out I was gay.
Yeah, so did the doctor who delivered you.
Because I said so, and I carried you for nine months and ruined my body.
How's that for an answer? I don't know why I can't- so sorry.
If you ever have children, don't give them your number.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait Wait.
Not to worry, you won't ever be having chil- oh, I'm sorry.
Do you not want to hear the negatives? Because I just kinda say what I see.
Linda, this is my apparently barren friend, amanda, and- oh, linda? No, shouldn't it be, like, destiny? Ooh, or celestia? Oh, you're one of those.
Listen, I have a gym towel in my bag.
I could make a turban.
Marc, psychics go to the gym? Focus.
Listen, amanda has some questions about- wait.
Hold it.
I'm geing something.
I'm getting something.
Shelley! Mom! I said no boys in that house but-but- get him out.
She's good.
So, um, do you think they got anything out of it? I mean, I can't really tell.
Betty, they're new york teenagers.
If they could sorta read and they don't kill me, I'm happy.
All right.
We're gonna take our lunches down to the park.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh, my god.
Look at them.
I am such a cow.
skipping.
Skipping.
Skipping.
Skipping.
Don't hate me 'cause I'm a guy and burn 26% more calories.
Skipping.
Daniel, I know you're busy.
What's up, betty? Oh, just a little thing.
We need to totally change this magazine.
????: ???: ??????????' ????U????? ???????11?? do you ever think about how "mode" affects it\'s readers? Yeah.
Women read it.
They buy stuff.
We make money.
We buy stuff.
It's circle of life, betty.
Why do we showothing but starving women in designer gowns? It's what we do.
Why is this suddenly a surprise? It's not.
I know exactly what this magazine is.
But, daniel, you should have seen these young girls today.
It-it was right there in front of me, and-and I feel like I finally work in a place that can do something about it.
What? Nothing.
You just have your "let's change the world" face on.
Well, I can't help it.
Watching those girls today made me flash back to when I s a kid at leslie levine's pool party.
Every one of those girls had on their tiny little bikinis, and there I was, in my oversized new kids on the block t-shirt, eating chips inside with leslie's parents.
so you were that girl? look, I-I know we can't completely change "mode, " but couldn't we at least show a wider range of women? How wide are we talking? Normal, just not Death-y.
I took the liberty of having graphics put this together.
now here is average girl.
fun-loving, great sense of humor, just trying to have it all in the big city, and here is what average girl has to look at in her favorite fashion magazine.
No, she's not being coy, her neck is just too thin to hold up her enormous head.
So average girl thinks, well, I can't relate to this.
Should I lose 100 pounds so i, too, can be accepted? Okay, I get it.
I get it.
Wait, I'm not finished.
If we continue at this rate, this is what april's cover will look like.
wh-what do you want me to do? You need a theme for your show.
This could be it- healthy models.
They did it at the milan and the madrid shows.
Exactly.
They banned all girls with a body mass index below 18.
And they got a hell of a lot of press for it.
And you could even feature the models in next month's issue.
Daniel, you don't even know what this will mean to these girls.
Think of the publicity.
And think of all the kids who will be reading the magazine.
And we could get so much publicity.
And we'd be helping all You know what? It's a win-win.
Okay.
I will go talk to alexis, and we're gonna have to contact the production staff, because we're gonna need new models.
Oh, and I think we should probably do a new backdrop, too.
Oh, and we gotta call catering, because we can actually have food this year.
Thank you, daniel! Suck that, leslie levine.
I sense that you are looking for Something.
Okay.
It's a person.
It is a person.
I'm getting chills.
It is your Unc- bro- si- fa- father.
It's your father.
It is my father.
Oh, my god.
Who is he? Where is he? I'm seeing A dog.
You're going to rescue a dog.
I already rescued a dog-halston.
He was my mother's.
This is another dog.
You are going to rescue A black dog.
Linda, forget the dog.
I need to know about my father.
Marc, she's not doing it.
Make her do it.
Oh.
Oh, I don't know what I'm doing.
I think she's in a trance.
The dog is all that I see.
Hmm.
And, yes, you will eventually learn to walk again.
Wh? What? What? Well, at least you got good news.
Okay, I want to hear what each magazine is up to.
Let's go.
Daniel, glad you could join us.
I'm sorry.
I thought you and I had a meeting today.
Oh, we did, but I'm totally backed up, so I'm hearing pitches from all the editors for the next issues at once.
Have a seat.
Okay.
Oh, by the way, alexis, thanks for my new desk chair.
It is awesome.
Me, too.
It's like sitting in a hug.
Wait, you all got dalton swivel task chairs? Just a token of appreciation as president of a little thing I like to call the global meade publishing empire.
Now where were we? I just thought the stupid chair was a peace offering.
Daniel, whatever you're mumbling, we're going left to right.
"Player magazine, " what you got? We got hometown hotties, video game vixens and ten pages on grilling.
That's boobs, boobs and meat.
Fantastic.
"Cucina" magazine, make me hungry.
Well, I hope you like beets - wait a second.
I thought we were going left to right.
Oh, daniel, I totally forgot you're down there.
What's up for "mode"? Well, I think I found a really great way to put us on the map for both next month's issue and our fashion show.
I think we should start using healthy models.
Like milan and madrid? Exactly.
No.
Ouch.
What do you mean, "no"? Daniel, the designers will never go for it.
They want e attention on the clothes, not the models.
Alexis, this is a great op- not gonna happen.
"Cucina, " let's talk beets.
Well, I was thinking, "beet your way into his heart.
" I rsvp'd to the breast cancer benefit.
Betsey johnson wants to have lunch.
And your accountant called- hold on a second, marc.
What is the holdup down there? The last time I was in stirrups this long, I brought home a blue ribbon from palm beach equestrian.
Almost finished, ms.
Slater.
We managed to extract the follicular fluid that we'll send to the in vitro lab.
Oh, hallelujah.
But I have to warn you- we'll be lucky to get one viable egg, very lucky.
Please.
I have plenty of viable eggs.
Women over 35 Have babies all the time.
Yes, women that age do.
Now who do you have in mind to carry? Carry what? The embryo.
We'll cryogenically preserve it until you can line up a surrogate.
I don't need a surrogate.
I'm in extraordinary shape.
Yes, um, how do I p Medically speaking, you can't carry a child.
All signs indicate that you have a hostile womb.
Hostile womb? Aren't they all? Don't you ever do that to me again.
First you make me pitch like I'm any other employee, then you knock it down? Here we go.
You're just mad because I said no to your idea.
No, I'm mad because it's a good idea, and you said no because it's mine.
Maybe.
But that's the fun part of being boss.
Look, the magazine is barely getting back on it\'s feet.
Now is not the time to rock the boat.
Are you pulling rank? I guess I am.
Well, maybe I'm not gonna accept that.
I don't have to sit there anymore.
Hostile womb.
Me? Hostile? It practically has a welcome mat.
Well, it hasn't had a welcome mat since the '90s.
But I need to have this baby.
Now where could I find someone who's sturdy of frame and wide of hip? Someone with a womb as accommodating as the four seasons Someone I can control Brandy Those names you're always telling stories about, are they your children or cats? Oh, those are my kids- all five of them.
Five kids? Five kids.
Looks like you just found yourself a 5-star womb.
No, that's totally out of our budget.
Well, then I guess I'm gonna have to go with the cheaper caterer that I have waiting for me line two.
What? You know I don't have anyone on line two? Okay, could you please just give us a cheaper rate? Yes! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I love it when you play hardball.
Well, I don't want to, but sometimes they make me.
Great, betty.
Thanks.
Oh, I have good news.
I pitched my idea to alexis.
I mean, our idea Okay, your idea.
man, you are playing hardball today.
So Did she go for it? Mm, not at first.
I totally stared her down, though.
Told her I wasn't going anywhere.
I don't mean to brag, but itid get into a little bit of a pissing contest, and I think we both know who has better aim these days.
M- me, betty.
I have the penis.
Oh.
I'm uncomfortable now But I'm happy.
Very happy.
I can't believe this.
I love fashion week.
oh, my god.
Lil' bow wow.
I love you.
Dropped the "lil', " but-but thanks, sugar.
Yeah, you're reallbig.
I mean, you're You're a man now.
Nothing little about you, I bet.
I mean, I'm- I'm guessing.
I- why does everything I say sound so dirty? Um, can't come clean till you get a little dirty, right? I don't even know what that means.
Look, this is not good, all right? Don't worry, mr.
Wow.
Someone will come right away.
Help! Um, hell is someone gonna do something about that alarm? It's been on for, like,15 minutes.
So annoying.
* I know you tired of these lames * * but, girl, they ain't the same * * you need a real guy like boweezie in your life * * the type of dude that'll splurge * * and get you ything you like * * get your hair done, nails fixed, boo, you got that * * bills late, don't stress, get 'em paid like that * that is so good! Appreciate it.
That's actually off my brand-new album, so I think we're getting rescued.
Hey-hey, you know what? Um, I was thinking, you know, if, uh, we was here a little bit longer I like 'em freaky like you, girl.
Oh, I have a boyfriend.
Oh.
Are you happy? I saved the day again.
Hey, you're bow wow.
Uh Uh, look, uh, thanks for the ride, b.
Appreciate it.
What's up? What's up? Mm-hmm.
Oh, my god.
Bow wow.
Bow wow.
I just rescued a dog.
Linda, if you can hear me I believe.
Christina, do you have a minute? Henry, it's fashion week.
Unless you need to be hemmed, stitched or draped, I have got no time for you.
Right.
Um, actually, it's about your insurance.
The paperwork came through accounting.
We've been working with h.
R.
On some cost-cutting- too many words.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Um, well, I just thought that I should tell you myself.
They won't cover your husband for experimental procedures.
Oh.
Uh, well, I-I figured it wasn't gonna be that easy, but i, uh Well, I thought I would give it a try.
I'm sorry, christina.
Yeah.
Ow.
What the hell are you doing in here? I'm shopping.
Cliff and I have a big date tonight, and I was looking for some pants with butt cleavage.
Oh Take whatever you want.
Oh.
Sure.
Oh.
Oh, this is probably about your sick husband, huh? There, there.
Is there anything I can do? Not unless you've got $100,000 in your pocket.
Nope.
All me.
Thank you all for coming for the official model weigh-in for the ten designers to watch show.
This is the first of many positive cnges I'll be making at "mode.
" Changes which nor women of all shapes and sizes.
Now I would like to turn it over to alexis meade, my sister.
And president of meade publications.
Uh, we're very excited for these changes Justin, I want you to go back to your school and tell that little girl clique that "mode" is using healthy models this year.
Please don't make me do it.
I'm this close to being their first boy.
Wait, these are not the models that I booked.
Here they are They're so skinny.
The fresh, new, robust faces of fashion.
Elke, if you could step up here, please.
A healthy 120 pounds.
What? There's no way she weighs 120 pounds.
I've eaten hamburgers that look heaviethan her.
Yeah, she's, like,102.
How'd you know that? That's my gift - that and accessorizing.
Over here, folks.
We'll get a shot of elke, the girls and me eating cupcakes.
Justin, get on that scale.
No! I ate breakfast, too.
Justin, do it.
This just added 20 pounds to my real weight.
What? Oh, god, me, too, and that's not a number I need to see.
Great.
I can't even believe this.
Alexis rigged the scales to get publicity.
What do you mean, your prices went up? I just saw you.
Hey, I called the dog thing, didn't I? It's worth an extra $20.
Give me your hands.
I know where they've been.
Yeah.
Something's coming.
It's your father And the letter "b.
" Uh, benjamin, barry, borris, barbara.
And I see a kiss.
Um, um, bloom.
Orlando bloom.
I get to kiss orlando bloom.
You know what? What? You make my head muddy.
Now listen.
It's all about this "b.
" Just follow the "b.
" The "b" will lead you to a kiss.
The kiss will take you to your father.
I don't know how much clearer I could be.
Daniel, I don't know where you are, but you need to call me back.
you are not going to believe what alexis did.
what did alexis do? Um Look, I-I know you're my boss and Actually, my boss' boss, or the president of my boss, which would indirectly make you my president.
I have a press conference to get back to.
I know about the models.
You're lying about their weight.
I thought the whole point of this was to make a positive change.
The whole point of this is to sell clothes and get publicity.
But this is even worse.
Now we're sending out the message that these emaciated models are actually healthy? No one cares about the models.
They're nothing more than hangers.
And designers don't want to show their clothes on fat hangers.
You know, we're not that different.
Really? We both grew up not liking what we saw in the mirror.
I thought that out of everyone, you might understand.
I know your brother gets it.
My brother You know what? I'm sick and tired of being the villain around here.
let me tell you something about your hero daniel.
fixing the scales was his idea.
a "b.
" Concentrate.
Who's a "b"? Hey, betty.
Amanda, have you seen daniel? Ugh, quiet, halston.
I'm sorry.
He's a little bit racist.
I hate that about him, but it is who he is.
Okay, offensive.
He picked up his messages.
He must be back.
Betty, wait.
You're my "b.
" I don't even know what insult that is, but I don't have time.
I need to find daniel.
Now, brandy, you can pick any of these Oh, except for the russian sable.
I shot that one myself.
Ooh, I was in such a mood that day.
Miss slater, this is all so much.
I just don't know.
Well, all your expenses will be paid, and you'll have the best of care.
Oh, it's not about that.
We're talking about bringing another life into the world.
Well, since I lost my fnc? I've been so alone.
And I I have so much love to give.
I think I need to do this for you, miss slater.
Oh, uh, call me wilhelmina While you're pregnant.
Oh, daniel, will you help me out with this? It's a danish, betty.
I know, but I weighed it on that scale in the conference room.
Turns out it's 20 pounds.
I'm glad I didn't get e one with the cheese.
Oh, boy.
I'm not leaving.
Alexis wasn't gonna change the show.
This was the compromise.
Compromise? You lied to get media attention.
Daniel, why didn't you just tell me the truth? 'Cause the truth was alexis cut me off at the knees, and I didn't know how to come down here and tell you I was powerless.
Did you care about this at all beyond the publicity? It's okay, daniel.
I get it.
I don't know.
I just I thought that maybe it could be different for these girls.
I guess I was wrong.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
"The 400 blows.
" "Bring it on.
" Um, let's keep looking.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, "the sorrow and the pity.
" "Bring it on 2- bring it on again.
" Okay, maybe we should just get ice cream.
You know, we could find something we both want to watch if we just Go in the little room behind the curtain.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going in there.
The last time, we ran into my dentist, and-and he puts his hands in my mouth.
Oh, grow up.
We're two healthy american men in a relationship.
They can keep us from getting married, but they can't keep us from going in a little dark room behind the curtain.
Come on.
Wow.
They have "the 400 blows" in here, too.
Ew.
That's not truffaut.
Ew.
Straight.
Straight.
Straight Military, military Military Shaved, shaved, shaved Manicurist? There's- there's manicurist porn? No.
That woman with the whip, that's wilhelmina's surrogate.
Uh, good news- if she can do that with a ping-pong ball, it'll make for an easy delivery.
Ew.
Ew.
I'm with you, mija.
those models are too skinny.
That's why I stay away from that world.
I still get offers.
Hilda The garbage man yelling out "nice rack, " is not a modeling offer.
I don't know.
I just I thought that daniel would have gotten it.
In my day, women were proud to show a little trastos en su tronco.
junk in their trunk.
Yeah, I get it, but no one wants to hear their dad say it.
Daniel, what are you doing here? Delivering invitations.
"Fashion gets real- "'mode' magazine's alternative fashion show, hosted by daniel meade and betty suarez"! It was your idea.
what? We're putting on a show? With the kind of women we want to use.
and I brought, um, justin and his friends some.
I thought you'd want them there, too.
Ooh.
Wait.
Is this really about the girls? Or is it about the publicity? Or is it about getting back at alexis? Little bit of everything, but mostly, it's for you.
I kinda remembered being one of those guys who made fun of the girls in the big t-shirts at the pool parties.
oh.
You were that guy.
not anymore.
Now come on.
Let's go put on a big, fat fashion show.
I'm sorry.
That didn't come out- I get it.
Okay, everyone, remember, now this is a renegade show.
We're not officially sanctioned.
If anyone asks you what you're doing, you know nothing.
Oh, can we have code names? I want to be princess daisy.
Oh, I'm dragon.
No, no, eagle.
No, dragon-black dragon.
Guys! Guys, do whatever you want.
It's fine, as long as it's not falcon.
That's mine.
Now the official "mode" show starts at 2:00, so we have to be ready to take over the lights and the music Hilda's taking care of the hair, and christina actually found some amazing new fashion designers.
Great.
Which brings us to the models.
Let's hit the streets.
I want- I want real women here- tall, short, young and old- none of those hot, skinny girls.
You're kind of on your own with that.
I don't really know where to start.
Now come on, everyone.
Let's do this.
Okay, betty, please.
I just need, like, two minutes.
I will give you all of your messages for the next week.
So a psychic told me that a "b" would lead me to a kiss that would lead me to my father.
I think that you are my "b.
" So what, are you gonna kiss me? Like you've never thought about it.
Amanda, I don't know anything about your father or psychics.
It's magic, and, like science, you don't actually have to understand it.
You just have to believe it.
Look, I know we haven't always been close.
You made a pi?ata of me for your birthday.
Exactly.
You matter to me, betty gonzales.
???? I've listened.
I was so sad to hear that you lost your father Mother.
In that boating accident Cancer.
Just last year.
Six years ago.
Amanda, I gotta go.
Wait.
Your mother died? Yeah.
How did you ever get over that? Um I didn't.
I haven't.
I mean, you'd think after six years, it gets easier, but I still think about her every day.
That's really sad.
Yeah.
But at least we had my father.
You know, he really stepped up.
You're so lucky that you have him.
Look, amanda, I'm sorry.
I really wish I could help you find your father.
Yeah.
So It was Weird talking to you.
Yeah.
You, too.
Oh, look.
One of your photos fell.
Gene simmons Of kiss.
The "b" gave me a kiss.
Gene simmons is my father.
I'm very disappointed in you, brandy.
There's only room for one dominatrix in this relationship.
I do submissive, too.
I don't think so.
Well, obviously we didn't do our homework with our little, uh, mommy-natrix.
This is a disaster.
Tell me about it.
I had to watch "the 400 blows" last night, and not the good one- off topic.
Obviously we need to find a surrogate we can control, someone we can watch over day and night, someone who is desperate for money.
Get ready to kiss me.
christina mckinney, last year you were one of "mode's" top ten designers to watch Her husband's sick, her insurance doesn't cover him, and she's desperate for 100 grand.
as the show wraps up, what are your thoughts? uh, stick around.
Um, we're not done yet.
there might be a few surprises in store.
that is one scotch on the rocks.
This is suzuki st.
Pierre, live at the "mode" show.
Kudos to alexis meade for promising us non-orexic models this year.
Ku - don'ts for not delivering.
Okay, justin and his friends just got here.
Oh, good.
Thanks.
Princess daisy, do you read? Come in, princess daisy.
I read you, black dragon.
We're good to go.
Don't let anyone out of the space.
Copy that.
Hey, I like working together.
Maybe after the show, the princess can come over to my place, and the dragon can- guys, we're all on this line.
Oh, um, uh, sorry.
Co- uh, copy.
Roger.
Over.
Out.
Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big hand for our fabulous "mode" fashion show, featuring our top ten designers to watch.
It's not over yet.
I'm sure you've heard by now, we're doing something a little different this year.
Well, here it is.
Welcome to "mode's" alternative runway show.
???? 'S for schoolteacher in great neck Turn on the camera.
Interest piqued.
the cashier from d'agostino's- real women with real bodies.
see, beauty truly is one size that does fit all.
yeah, so you can go ahead and dedicate this to all the sexy and hot big women out there, and I do say that with love.
O, you ready? Yes, sir.
Let's do it, man.
* Drop that top on the aston mar * * few shots, then we left the bar * * anything she's askin' for, I'll make it appear * * like a magic wand, I got the antidote * * I got the strobe light and the pole * * gotta do it right on camera though * * bring another friend, so my man can go * * o * hey, baby, you say you wanna be my girl * * hey, baby, send you on a flight 'round the world * * hey, baby, you say you wanna be with a star * * hey, baby, don't be afraid to show who you are * * you scared? * Come on * you scared * come on * you scared? * Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump off * * you scared? * Come on * you scared * come on * you scared? * Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump, go * * you been checkin' us all night * a bit confused whoo! * About who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * hey, baby, you say you wanna be my girl * whoo! * Hey, baby, send you on a flight 'round the world * * hey, baby, you say you wanna be with a star * * hey, baby Whoo! Yeah! * You scared? * Come on * you scaome d * con * you scared? Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump off * well, of course, it was always my idea to bring the healthy models out w.
Ter in the sho "save your best for last, " that's what I always say.
So what did you think? Those women were gross.
Totally fat and disgusting.
we're gonna go find a realowfashion sh, with, like, skinny models.
yeah, they were totally fat and disgusting.
Let's go, you guys.
Go on.
Betty, the press is saying this is our best show ever.
Of course, alexis is taking all the credit, but you know what? I don't care.
That's right.
I'm growing.
That's great.
Daniel, I'm happy for you.
Hey, what's the matter? Nothing.
It's just Quick.
We have 30 seconds before lindsay notices we're gone.
I thought your real girl show Didn't totally suck.
Really? Yeah.
So who picks all the clothes? That seems like a cool job.
Oh, that's the fashion editor.
Listen, if you ever want to talk about - lindsay's looking.
She'll call you.
Bye, daniel.
Bye.
Uh, stay in school.
Don't do drugs.
What was that? Um, I'm not really sure what message we're going for here.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
We did good, though, didn't we? Yes, we did, and I just want to say, on behalf of all the girls who wear oversized t-shirts to pool parties Thank you, daniel.
It was my pleasure.
Oh.
So I was thinking, all the models in our magazine, they're, like, under 20.
would it be so terrible if we had a woman who was, say I don't know,35? You just don't give up, do you?
I'm sick.
What are we talking about here? $100,000 For an experimental treatment.
I don't know what my father's talents are.
I don't even know who he is.
That's all the more reason to keep looking.
There is a business to be run.
Time to grow up.
Guys, everyone is watching.
We're not gonna choose a president with a paintball war.
I'm not letting you win this.
Is this bradford meade's body? If I can't marry into the meade family, I will give birth to an heir.
You don't know it's me.
and I heard you snickering.
Very mature.
Oh, and drop that off at human resources.
Thank you.
Oh, would you get out of my way, sticks? I hate fashion week- divas, bitches! and, younow, everyone is on that new cheesecake-heroin diet.
ooh.
I could totally stay on half that diet.
Is it just me or are these models even skinnier this year? Oh, size zero-zero is the new zero.
Ugh.
Do you know I spent this morning fitting a spinal column with a tuft of hair? Okay, here are daniel's v.
I.
P.
Tickets to luella, lacroix, chan and ronson.
Right here.
Get it? I got it.
Okay.
Betty, here's the guest list for "mode.
" Daniel needs to star the people he wants on the front row.
And can you make sure that they're - famous, pretty, skinny.
Got it.
There you are.
Hey.
Hey.
I know I'm not gonna see you much this week, so here.
It's got water, granola bars and the evacuation routes for the "mode" show.
Oh, and That's gotta last you till friday.
You'll wait for me? come back alive.
That's all I ask.
give 'em heck, betty.
Oh, thank god.
Thank you.
Check it out- a peace offering fro the dalton swivel task chair.
It's like god is cradling my butt with his hands.
Mm.
Sounds comfy.
Okay, here's the graphic for the runway show on friday.
That's it, huh? Yep.
It's okay.
See, now that's the problem- it's just okay.
This is gonna be the first fashion week on my own.
Everyone's gonna be watching me, betty.
Daniel, it'll be great.
I watched the run-through last night, and it's not great.
I hate to admit it, but wilhelmina always came up with cool themes.
You know,2004, it was "hollywood's golden era.
" The next year, it was"palace of versail and the press, they ate it up.
Well, we are under a tent.
Oh, here's a theme- "cirque du soleil.
" Cirque du so lame.
What about, um, an '80s thing? Big hair- big snore.
Okay, see, you're in that place, so let's brainstorm later.
Right now I have to go give justin's class a tour of the magazine.
Right now? Remember? I'm showing them how the publishing world works, molding young minds.
I told you about this.
Did I look like I stening when you were telling me? Yes.
You did.
Wow.
I'm getting pretty good at that.
Great.
Where the hell is it? What bastard took it? Oh, there you are.
Oh, I love you, rocky road.
My parents never let me have ice cream as a child.
Well, it's good to see the hormone shots aren't affecting you at all.
I hate these shots.
But I love pasta and sunflowers.
Oh.
Okay, let's focus.
"Slater" magazine is dead, and this is our only chance you getting a piece of the meade empire.
You're right.
I've beenhorm-otional.
But the hardest part is almost finished.
Exactly.
Soon dr.
Weiss will extract your eggs, fertilize them with bradford's yeolde sperm, pop 'em back into your girlie place and then voil? Okay, I never thought I'd say this to a woman before, but turn around and bend over.
One, two, stick.
Aah! Marc! And 're done.
Oh, marc, we're gonna be such good parents.
Oh.
Oh.
Lindsay, just so you know, I interned here last summer.
The lizard belt in september's issue- all me.
oh, my god, you're almost cool.
this is the conference room, where we have our weekly meetings.
The editors meet to discuss which articles go into the issue, after that, the freelancers submit their rough draft.
Fun fact-50% of our writers are freelancers.
that's right, kids, anyone can be a writer.
now line up, because I have a "mode" pencil for each and every one of you.
No pushing.
Wow.
Really? Okay.
Moving on Let's go, kids.
Betty, it's so rewarding to see one of my former students succeed as a working writer.
Oh, um, actually, I'm still just an assistant.
Oh, well, you're all grown up and living in the big city.
She still lives at home in queens.
Oh, well, your sense of style has certainly Does anybody have any questions? When you did the paris hilton shoot, was she, like, super skinny in real life? Yeah, was she wearing extensions? I don't really get involved in that side of it.
Any other questions That aren't about celebrities? Yes, hillary.
Well, you did an article on the fur industry.
Was there any backlash? Because, I mean, you advertise furs in your issues.
Oh, I love that question.
High five.
Uh Hillary! Oh, man.
Whatever.
Uh, um, never mind.
It doesn't matter.
No, no, it does.
It-it raises a very interesting ethical issue.
Let's go, kids.
Are you trying to ruin hillary's life? What? Justin, she's the only one who's listening to anything I'm saying.
Yes, but lindsay is the leader.
If she doesn't like what someone says, she makes their life hell.
It's like "lord of the flies" in ballet flats.
Guys, look, I know it looks very glamorous, but "mode" is about so much more than just fashion.
It is about journalism and telling stories that reach out to people, not about what gisele is eating for lunch.
Gisele eats lunch? What did she eat? I have no idea.
Cucumber-wrapped sushi, sevejelly beans, sparkling water at room temp.
"Mode" is awesome.
yeah, it makes you realize I totally need to go on a diet.
who are you? What do you do? Do you have a boyfriend? You're so gorgeous.
Who does your hair? I wanna be you.
Doesn't she look so skinny? Yeah, I love your makeup.
Oh.
Oh, please be ewan mcgregor.
Well, that's lovely, ewan, but I have had better.
I hope you're talking about this morning.
Stuart! Easy, tiger.
Why not? Only on of my organs is failed.
Stop it.
Don't joke.
Do you not have a doctor's appointment today? Yes, but I'm skipping it.
I'm-I'm tired of being prodded and poked.
Stuart, you're sick.
You can't deny it.
You-you've got to go.
I don't want to lose you.
Christina, you know, that's a man, not a bottle of vodka.
So introduce us.
I'm stuart, her husband.
Oh.
You're married? You don't work here anymore.
I'm gonna go and call security.
No, I'm here on business.
Excuse me, mcstraighty, if you'll avert your eyes, I have a clandestine meeting in the secret sex room.
I've been in there.
Oh.
oh.
ew.
Hey, lady.
Hey, tramp.
Shall we have lunch? Oh, are you playing "papa, can you hear me?" Again? I'm just spending some quality time with my dads.
Today I'm feeling particularly close to jimmie "j.
J.
" Walker.
Dy-no-mite.
Oh, you're gonna find him, amanda.
I don't know, ma.
Today I got a call from the private investigator and- dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
What do we like to call him? Dick tracy.
He came up with nothing.
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
He was shooting blanks.
Yeah.
you know, marc, not everything has a sexual inunendo.
I come in here every single day, and I just stare at this wall.
He's all I think about.
You're right.
As much as I like seeing my friends in a bad place- you know, because it makes me feel superior Mm-hmm.
this isn't fun anymore.
m gonna help you.
We're turning to a higher power.
A psychic? She's amazing.
My first time, she totally figured out I was gay.
Yeah, so did the doctor who delivered you.
Because I said so, and I carried you for nine months and ruined my body.
How's that for an answer? I don't know why I can't- so sorry.
If you ever have children, don't give them your number.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait Wait.
Not to worry, you won't ever be having chil- oh, I'm sorry.
Do you not want to hear the negatives? Because I just kinda say what I see.
Linda, this is my apparently barren friend, amanda, and- oh, linda? No, shouldn't it be, like, destiny? Ooh, or celestia? Oh, you're one of those.
Listen, I have a gym towel in my bag.
I could make a turban.
Marc, psychics go to the gym? Focus.
Listen, amanda has some questions about- wait.
Hold it.
I'm geing something.
I'm getting something.
Shelley! Mom! I said no boys in that house but-but- get him out.
She's good.
So, um, do you think they got anything out of it? I mean, I can't really tell.
Betty, they're new york teenagers.
If they could sorta read and they don't kill me, I'm happy.
All right.
We're gonna take our lunches down to the park.
Come on.
Let's go.
Oh, my god.
Look at them.
I am such a cow.
skipping.
Skipping.
Skipping.
Skipping.
Don't hate me 'cause I'm a guy and burn 26% more calories.
Skipping.
Daniel, I know you're busy.
What's up, betty? Oh, just a little thing.
We need to totally change this magazine.
????: ???: ??????????' ????U????? ???????11?? do you ever think about how "mode" affects it\'s readers? Yeah.
Women read it.
They buy stuff.
We make money.
We buy stuff.
It's circle of life, betty.
Why do we showothing but starving women in designer gowns? It's what we do.
Why is this suddenly a surprise? It's not.
I know exactly what this magazine is.
But, daniel, you should have seen these young girls today.
It-it was right there in front of me, and-and I feel like I finally work in a place that can do something about it.
What? Nothing.
You just have your "let's change the world" face on.
Well, I can't help it.
Watching those girls today made me flash back to when I s a kid at leslie levine's pool party.
Every one of those girls had on their tiny little bikinis, and there I was, in my oversized new kids on the block t-shirt, eating chips inside with leslie's parents.
so you were that girl? look, I-I know we can't completely change "mode, " but couldn't we at least show a wider range of women? How wide are we talking? Normal, just not Death-y.
I took the liberty of having graphics put this together.
now here is average girl.
fun-loving, great sense of humor, just trying to have it all in the big city, and here is what average girl has to look at in her favorite fashion magazine.
No, she's not being coy, her neck is just too thin to hold up her enormous head.
So average girl thinks, well, I can't relate to this.
Should I lose 100 pounds so i, too, can be accepted? Okay, I get it.
I get it.
Wait, I'm not finished.
If we continue at this rate, this is what april's cover will look like.
wh-what do you want me to do? You need a theme for your show.
This could be it- healthy models.
They did it at the milan and the madrid shows.
Exactly.
They banned all girls with a body mass index below 18.
And they got a hell of a lot of press for it.
And you could even feature the models in next month's issue.
Daniel, you don't even know what this will mean to these girls.
Think of the publicity.
And think of all the kids who will be reading the magazine.
And we could get so much publicity.
And we'd be helping all You know what? It's a win-win.
Okay.
I will go talk to alexis, and we're gonna have to contact the production staff, because we're gonna need new models.
Oh, and I think we should probably do a new backdrop, too.
Oh, and we gotta call catering, because we can actually have food this year.
Thank you, daniel! Suck that, leslie levine.
I sense that you are looking for Something.
Okay.
It's a person.
It is a person.
I'm getting chills.
It is your Unc- bro- si- fa- father.
It's your father.
It is my father.
Oh, my god.
Who is he? Where is he? I'm seeing A dog.
You're going to rescue a dog.
I already rescued a dog-halston.
He was my mother's.
This is another dog.
You are going to rescue A black dog.
Linda, forget the dog.
I need to know about my father.
Marc, she's not doing it.
Make her do it.
Oh.
Oh, I don't know what I'm doing.
I think she's in a trance.
The dog is all that I see.
Hmm.
And, yes, you will eventually learn to walk again.
Wh? What? What? Well, at least you got good news.
Okay, I want to hear what each magazine is up to.
Let's go.
Daniel, glad you could join us.
I'm sorry.
I thought you and I had a meeting today.
Oh, we did, but I'm totally backed up, so I'm hearing pitches from all the editors for the next issues at once.
Have a seat.
Okay.
Oh, by the way, alexis, thanks for my new desk chair.
It is awesome.
Me, too.
It's like sitting in a hug.
Wait, you all got dalton swivel task chairs? Just a token of appreciation as president of a little thing I like to call the global meade publishing empire.
Now where were we? I just thought the stupid chair was a peace offering.
Daniel, whatever you're mumbling, we're going left to right.
"Player magazine, " what you got? We got hometown hotties, video game vixens and ten pages on grilling.
That's boobs, boobs and meat.
Fantastic.
"Cucina" magazine, make me hungry.
Well, I hope you like beets - wait a second.
I thought we were going left to right.
Oh, daniel, I totally forgot you're down there.
What's up for "mode"? Well, I think I found a really great way to put us on the map for both next month's issue and our fashion show.
I think we should start using healthy models.
Like milan and madrid? Exactly.
No.
Ouch.
What do you mean, "no"? Daniel, the designers will never go for it.
They want e attention on the clothes, not the models.
Alexis, this is a great op- not gonna happen.
"Cucina, " let's talk beets.
Well, I was thinking, "beet your way into his heart.
" I rsvp'd to the breast cancer benefit.
Betsey johnson wants to have lunch.
And your accountant called- hold on a second, marc.
What is the holdup down there? The last time I was in stirrups this long, I brought home a blue ribbon from palm beach equestrian.
Almost finished, ms.
Slater.
We managed to extract the follicular fluid that we'll send to the in vitro lab.
Oh, hallelujah.
But I have to warn you- we'll be lucky to get one viable egg, very lucky.
Please.
I have plenty of viable eggs.
Women over 35 Have babies all the time.
Yes, women that age do.
Now who do you have in mind to carry? Carry what? The embryo.
We'll cryogenically preserve it until you can line up a surrogate.
I don't need a surrogate.
I'm in extraordinary shape.
Yes, um, how do I p Medically speaking, you can't carry a child.
All signs indicate that you have a hostile womb.
Hostile womb? Aren't they all? Don't you ever do that to me again.
First you make me pitch like I'm any other employee, then you knock it down? Here we go.
You're just mad because I said no to your idea.
No, I'm mad because it's a good idea, and you said no because it's mine.
Maybe.
But that's the fun part of being boss.
Look, the magazine is barely getting back on it\'s feet.
Now is not the time to rock the boat.
Are you pulling rank? I guess I am.
Well, maybe I'm not gonna accept that.
I don't have to sit there anymore.
Hostile womb.
Me? Hostile? It practically has a welcome mat.
Well, it hasn't had a welcome mat since the '90s.
But I need to have this baby.
Now where could I find someone who's sturdy of frame and wide of hip? Someone with a womb as accommodating as the four seasons Someone I can control Brandy Those names you're always telling stories about, are they your children or cats? Oh, those are my kids- all five of them.
Five kids? Five kids.
Looks like you just found yourself a 5-star womb.
No, that's totally out of our budget.
Well, then I guess I'm gonna have to go with the cheaper caterer that I have waiting for me line two.
What? You know I don't have anyone on line two? Okay, could you please just give us a cheaper rate? Yes! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I love it when you play hardball.
Well, I don't want to, but sometimes they make me.
Great, betty.
Thanks.
Oh, I have good news.
I pitched my idea to alexis.
I mean, our idea Okay, your idea.
man, you are playing hardball today.
So Did she go for it? Mm, not at first.
I totally stared her down, though.
Told her I wasn't going anywhere.
I don't mean to brag, but itid get into a little bit of a pissing contest, and I think we both know who has better aim these days.
M- me, betty.
I have the penis.
Oh.
I'm uncomfortable now But I'm happy.
Very happy.
I can't believe this.
I love fashion week.
oh, my god.
Lil' bow wow.
I love you.
Dropped the "lil', " but-but thanks, sugar.
Yeah, you're reallbig.
I mean, you're You're a man now.
Nothing little about you, I bet.
I mean, I'm- I'm guessing.
I- why does everything I say sound so dirty? Um, can't come clean till you get a little dirty, right? I don't even know what that means.
Look, this is not good, all right? Don't worry, mr.
Wow.
Someone will come right away.
Help! Um, hell is someone gonna do something about that alarm? It's been on for, like,15 minutes.
So annoying.
* I know you tired of these lames * * but, girl, they ain't the same * * you need a real guy like boweezie in your life * * the type of dude that'll splurge * * and get you ything you like * * get your hair done, nails fixed, boo, you got that * * bills late, don't stress, get 'em paid like that * that is so good! Appreciate it.
That's actually off my brand-new album, so I think we're getting rescued.
Hey-hey, you know what? Um, I was thinking, you know, if, uh, we was here a little bit longer I like 'em freaky like you, girl.
Oh, I have a boyfriend.
Oh.
Are you happy? I saved the day again.
Hey, you're bow wow.
Uh Uh, look, uh, thanks for the ride, b.
Appreciate it.
What's up? What's up? Mm-hmm.
Oh, my god.
Bow wow.
Bow wow.
I just rescued a dog.
Linda, if you can hear me I believe.
Christina, do you have a minute? Henry, it's fashion week.
Unless you need to be hemmed, stitched or draped, I have got no time for you.
Right.
Um, actually, it's about your insurance.
The paperwork came through accounting.
We've been working with h.
R.
On some cost-cutting- too many words.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Um, well, I just thought that I should tell you myself.
They won't cover your husband for experimental procedures.
Oh.
Uh, well, I-I figured it wasn't gonna be that easy, but i, uh Well, I thought I would give it a try.
I'm sorry, christina.
Yeah.
Ow.
What the hell are you doing in here? I'm shopping.
Cliff and I have a big date tonight, and I was looking for some pants with butt cleavage.
Oh Take whatever you want.
Oh.
Sure.
Oh.
Oh, this is probably about your sick husband, huh? There, there.
Is there anything I can do? Not unless you've got $100,000 in your pocket.
Nope.
All me.
Thank you all for coming for the official model weigh-in for the ten designers to watch show.
This is the first of many positive cnges I'll be making at "mode.
" Changes which nor women of all shapes and sizes.
Now I would like to turn it over to alexis meade, my sister.
And president of meade publications.
Uh, we're very excited for these changes Justin, I want you to go back to your school and tell that little girl clique that "mode" is using healthy models this year.
Please don't make me do it.
I'm this close to being their first boy.
Wait, these are not the models that I booked.
Here they are They're so skinny.
The fresh, new, robust faces of fashion.
Elke, if you could step up here, please.
A healthy 120 pounds.
What? There's no way she weighs 120 pounds.
I've eaten hamburgers that look heaviethan her.
Yeah, she's, like,102.
How'd you know that? That's my gift - that and accessorizing.
Over here, folks.
We'll get a shot of elke, the girls and me eating cupcakes.
Justin, get on that scale.
No! I ate breakfast, too.
Justin, do it.
This just added 20 pounds to my real weight.
What? Oh, god, me, too, and that's not a number I need to see.
Great.
I can't even believe this.
Alexis rigged the scales to get publicity.
What do you mean, your prices went up? I just saw you.
Hey, I called the dog thing, didn't I? It's worth an extra $20.
Give me your hands.
I know where they've been.
Yeah.
Something's coming.
It's your father And the letter "b.
" Uh, benjamin, barry, borris, barbara.
And I see a kiss.
Um, um, bloom.
Orlando bloom.
I get to kiss orlando bloom.
You know what? What? You make my head muddy.
Now listen.
It's all about this "b.
" Just follow the "b.
" The "b" will lead you to a kiss.
The kiss will take you to your father.
I don't know how much clearer I could be.
Daniel, I don't know where you are, but you need to call me back.
you are not going to believe what alexis did.
what did alexis do? Um Look, I-I know you're my boss and Actually, my boss' boss, or the president of my boss, which would indirectly make you my president.
I have a press conference to get back to.
I know about the models.
You're lying about their weight.
I thought the whole point of this was to make a positive change.
The whole point of this is to sell clothes and get publicity.
But this is even worse.
Now we're sending out the message that these emaciated models are actually healthy? No one cares about the models.
They're nothing more than hangers.
And designers don't want to show their clothes on fat hangers.
You know, we're not that different.
Really? We both grew up not liking what we saw in the mirror.
I thought that out of everyone, you might understand.
I know your brother gets it.
My brother You know what? I'm sick and tired of being the villain around here.
let me tell you something about your hero daniel.
fixing the scales was his idea.
a "b.
" Concentrate.
Who's a "b"? Hey, betty.
Amanda, have you seen daniel? Ugh, quiet, halston.
I'm sorry.
He's a little bit racist.
I hate that about him, but it is who he is.
Okay, offensive.
He picked up his messages.
He must be back.
Betty, wait.
You're my "b.
" I don't even know what insult that is, but I don't have time.
I need to find daniel.
Now, brandy, you can pick any of these Oh, except for the russian sable.
I shot that one myself.
Ooh, I was in such a mood that day.
Miss slater, this is all so much.
I just don't know.
Well, all your expenses will be paid, and you'll have the best of care.
Oh, it's not about that.
We're talking about bringing another life into the world.
Well, since I lost my fnc? I've been so alone.
And I I have so much love to give.
I think I need to do this for you, miss slater.
Oh, uh, call me wilhelmina While you're pregnant.
Oh, daniel, will you help me out with this? It's a danish, betty.
I know, but I weighed it on that scale in the conference room.
Turns out it's 20 pounds.
I'm glad I didn't get e one with the cheese.
Oh, boy.
I'm not leaving.
Alexis wasn't gonna change the show.
This was the compromise.
Compromise? You lied to get media attention.
Daniel, why didn't you just tell me the truth? 'Cause the truth was alexis cut me off at the knees, and I didn't know how to come down here and tell you I was powerless.
Did you care about this at all beyond the publicity? It's okay, daniel.
I get it.
I don't know.
I just I thought that maybe it could be different for these girls.
I guess I was wrong.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
"The 400 blows.
" "Bring it on.
" Um, let's keep looking.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, "the sorrow and the pity.
" "Bring it on 2- bring it on again.
" Okay, maybe we should just get ice cream.
You know, we could find something we both want to watch if we just Go in the little room behind the curtain.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going in there.
The last time, we ran into my dentist, and-and he puts his hands in my mouth.
Oh, grow up.
We're two healthy american men in a relationship.
They can keep us from getting married, but they can't keep us from going in a little dark room behind the curtain.
Come on.
Wow.
They have "the 400 blows" in here, too.
Ew.
That's not truffaut.
Ew.
Straight.
Straight.
Straight Military, military Military Shaved, shaved, shaved Manicurist? There's- there's manicurist porn? No.
That woman with the whip, that's wilhelmina's surrogate.
Uh, good news- if she can do that with a ping-pong ball, it'll make for an easy delivery.
Ew.
Ew.
I'm with you, mija.
those models are too skinny.
That's why I stay away from that world.
I still get offers.
Hilda The garbage man yelling out "nice rack, " is not a modeling offer.
I don't know.
I just I thought that daniel would have gotten it.
In my day, women were proud to show a little trastos en su tronco.
junk in their trunk.
Yeah, I get it, but no one wants to hear their dad say it.
Daniel, what are you doing here? Delivering invitations.
"Fashion gets real- "'mode' magazine's alternative fashion show, hosted by daniel meade and betty suarez"! It was your idea.
what? We're putting on a show? With the kind of women we want to use.
and I brought, um, justin and his friends some.
I thought you'd want them there, too.
Ooh.
Wait.
Is this really about the girls? Or is it about the publicity? Or is it about getting back at alexis? Little bit of everything, but mostly, it's for you.
I kinda remembered being one of those guys who made fun of the girls in the big t-shirts at the pool parties.
oh.
You were that guy.
not anymore.
Now come on.
Let's go put on a big, fat fashion show.
I'm sorry.
That didn't come out- I get it.
Okay, everyone, remember, now this is a renegade show.
We're not officially sanctioned.
If anyone asks you what you're doing, you know nothing.
Oh, can we have code names? I want to be princess daisy.
Oh, I'm dragon.
No, no, eagle.
No, dragon-black dragon.
Guys! Guys, do whatever you want.
It's fine, as long as it's not falcon.
That's mine.
Now the official "mode" show starts at 2:00, so we have to be ready to take over the lights and the music Hilda's taking care of the hair, and christina actually found some amazing new fashion designers.
Great.
Which brings us to the models.
Let's hit the streets.
I want- I want real women here- tall, short, young and old- none of those hot, skinny girls.
You're kind of on your own with that.
I don't really know where to start.
Now come on, everyone.
Let's do this.
Okay, betty, please.
I just need, like, two minutes.
I will give you all of your messages for the next week.
So a psychic told me that a "b" would lead me to a kiss that would lead me to my father.
I think that you are my "b.
" So what, are you gonna kiss me? Like you've never thought about it.
Amanda, I don't know anything about your father or psychics.
It's magic, and, like science, you don't actually have to understand it.
You just have to believe it.
Look, I know we haven't always been close.
You made a pi?ata of me for your birthday.
Exactly.
You matter to me, betty gonzales.
???? I've listened.
I was so sad to hear that you lost your father Mother.
In that boating accident Cancer.
Just last year.
Six years ago.
Amanda, I gotta go.
Wait.
Your mother died? Yeah.
How did you ever get over that? Um I didn't.
I haven't.
I mean, you'd think after six years, it gets easier, but I still think about her every day.
That's really sad.
Yeah.
But at least we had my father.
You know, he really stepped up.
You're so lucky that you have him.
Look, amanda, I'm sorry.
I really wish I could help you find your father.
Yeah.
So It was Weird talking to you.
Yeah.
You, too.
Oh, look.
One of your photos fell.
Gene simmons Of kiss.
The "b" gave me a kiss.
Gene simmons is my father.
I'm very disappointed in you, brandy.
There's only room for one dominatrix in this relationship.
I do submissive, too.
I don't think so.
Well, obviously we didn't do our homework with our little, uh, mommy-natrix.
This is a disaster.
Tell me about it.
I had to watch "the 400 blows" last night, and not the good one- off topic.
Obviously we need to find a surrogate we can control, someone we can watch over day and night, someone who is desperate for money.
Get ready to kiss me.
christina mckinney, last year you were one of "mode's" top ten designers to watch Her husband's sick, her insurance doesn't cover him, and she's desperate for 100 grand.
as the show wraps up, what are your thoughts? uh, stick around.
Um, we're not done yet.
there might be a few surprises in store.
that is one scotch on the rocks.
This is suzuki st.
Pierre, live at the "mode" show.
Kudos to alexis meade for promising us non-orexic models this year.
Ku - don'ts for not delivering.
Okay, justin and his friends just got here.
Oh, good.
Thanks.
Princess daisy, do you read? Come in, princess daisy.
I read you, black dragon.
We're good to go.
Don't let anyone out of the space.
Copy that.
Hey, I like working together.
Maybe after the show, the princess can come over to my place, and the dragon can- guys, we're all on this line.
Oh, um, uh, sorry.
Co- uh, copy.
Roger.
Over.
Out.
Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big hand for our fabulous "mode" fashion show, featuring our top ten designers to watch.
It's not over yet.
I'm sure you've heard by now, we're doing something a little different this year.
Well, here it is.
Welcome to "mode's" alternative runway show.
???? 'S for schoolteacher in great neck Turn on the camera.
Interest piqued.
the cashier from d'agostino's- real women with real bodies.
see, beauty truly is one size that does fit all.
yeah, so you can go ahead and dedicate this to all the sexy and hot big women out there, and I do say that with love.
O, you ready? Yes, sir.
Let's do it, man.
* Drop that top on the aston mar * * few shots, then we left the bar * * anything she's askin' for, I'll make it appear * * like a magic wand, I got the antidote * * I got the strobe light and the pole * * gotta do it right on camera though * * bring another friend, so my man can go * * o * hey, baby, you say you wanna be my girl * * hey, baby, send you on a flight 'round the world * * hey, baby, you say you wanna be with a star * * hey, baby, don't be afraid to show who you are * * you scared? * Come on * you scared * come on * you scared? * Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump off * * you scared? * Come on * you scared * come on * you scared? * Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump, go * * you been checkin' us all night * a bit confused whoo! * About who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * you been checkin' us all night * * a bit confused * about who you gonna leave with * * well, let me help you * hey, baby, you say you wanna be my girl * whoo! * Hey, baby, send you on a flight 'round the world * * hey, baby, you say you wanna be with a star * * hey, baby Whoo! Yeah! * You scared? * Come on * you scaome d * con * you scared? Jump off, jump off, jump off, jump off * well, of course, it was always my idea to bring the healthy models out w.
Ter in the sho "save your best for last, " that's what I always say.
So what did you think? Those women were gross.
Totally fat and disgusting.
we're gonna go find a realowfashion sh, with, like, skinny models.
yeah, they were totally fat and disgusting.
Let's go, you guys.
Go on.
Betty, the press is saying this is our best show ever.
Of course, alexis is taking all the credit, but you know what? I don't care.
That's right.
I'm growing.
That's great.
Daniel, I'm happy for you.
Hey, what's the matter? Nothing.
It's just Quick.
We have 30 seconds before lindsay notices we're gone.
I thought your real girl show Didn't totally suck.
Really? Yeah.
So who picks all the clothes? That seems like a cool job.
Oh, that's the fashion editor.
Listen, if you ever want to talk about - lindsay's looking.
She'll call you.
Bye, daniel.
Bye.
Uh, stay in school.
Don't do drugs.
What was that? Um, I'm not really sure what message we're going for here.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
We did good, though, didn't we? Yes, we did, and I just want to say, on behalf of all the girls who wear oversized t-shirts to pool parties Thank you, daniel.
It was my pleasure.
Oh.
So I was thinking, all the models in our magazine, they're, like, under 20.
would it be so terrible if we had a woman who was, say I don't know,35? You just don't give up, do you?