Ugly Betty s02e10 Episode Script
Bananas for Betty
Previously on "ugly betty" excuse us.
(Betty) mr.
Meade? (Man) there's no pulse.
Is this bradford meade's body? I have a proposition you might be interested in.
Motion to terminate wilhelmina slater.
All those in favor.
(Daniel and alexis) aye.
Did you come to clean out your office,wilhelmina? No,daniel.
I came to clean out yours.
"Slater.
" We're currently setting up our offices, And there are still positions available.
All right.
What is this guy's name? I don't know.
Something lame,like gio.
Tell me who you're dating.
Henry from accounting.
There.
More.
He got a girl pregnant.
Wow.
You are being stupid.
I know you're leaving in five months, And i know that i'm gonna get my heart broken, But maybe it's worth it.
So let me get this straight.
Our father left a video for us.
(Alexis) is this a new will? No,no.
It's simply a personal message He recorded for the both of you A few weeks before he died.
I'll wait outside.
Thank you.
He must've known he was sick.
Well,we'll never know.
Alexis,daniel, i'm sick.
Who knows how much time i have left? Well,obviously, if you're watching this, I didn't have a lot.
Hopefully,you gave me a proper send-Off.
I thought it was nice.
Shh.
I didn't reveal who i wanted To run meade publications in my will, Because i wanted to explain my decision to you.
Is this thing on? (Sighs) typical.
Yeah.
(Coughs) Running a company like this Requires a specific type of leadership.
You have to have confidence, Be able to smell blood in the water.
You need to possess a killer instinct.
So after long consideration, i choose-- (Betty) mr.
Meade-- Oh,i'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were in the m-- Oh! Ah,whoopsy-Daisy.
Sorry.
Daniel sent me to deliver this thing (coughing) And your assistant wasn't there.
I'm sorry.
Come on,betty.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Just set the camera up and leave.
Okay.
Yep,that's right.
Uh,can i get you anything else? No.
Okay.
(Coughs) come on.
It is my desire that one of you become the president And chief fiduciary officer of meade publications.
So i hope you'll both understand When i tell you That i choose my d-- Is this thing even on? Yes,it's on.
It's on.
There you go.
Wait,what-- What happened? Dad.
Oh,learn to work stuff.
It's pretty clear he was going to say,"my daughter.
" No,it's not.
He was gonna say, "i choose my daniel.
" "My daniel?" Who says that? He did all the time.
"My daniel this my daniel that" Obviously we're not going to be settling this right now.
Tomorrow morning we're gonna talk to mom about the trial, Maybe she'll have an opinion on this.
Fine.
Until then, no one sits behind his desk.
Agreed.
Tell me again why we're stealing your father's chair.
We're not stealing it.
We're guarding it.
Until we figure out who runs meade, No one sits in it.
But couldn't alexis just get another chair And put that behind the desk and sit in that? No--She--That's not whose side on you on? Yours.
I'll guard the chair.
The chair is life.
The chair is everything.
Look,i can run meade just as well as alexis.
I can smell blood in the water.
You know, i'm a good leader.
Of course you are,daniel.
There it is! I knew you took it! Run,betty.
Come on.
Run.
Hurry! I'm going.
I'm going.
Out of my way.
Excuse me.
Protect that chair! Keep it-- Sorry.
Would you grow up,daniel? Hey.
Get out of there.
That's notyours.
You know it is.
You get out of there.
You get out.
You get out.
Why are you so strong? What,did they give you super strength When they installed your vagina? Guys,everyone is watching.
Now i'm happy to guard the chair Until you talk to your mother and figure it out.
Just so you know, They did give me super strength.
Betty,you heard my dad call me "my daniel," right? Sure.
Oh,the children are cranky today.
Did you give them both a time-Out? Exhausting.
Milady.
Thank you.
And mi-Other-Lady.
Oh,thank you.
Hmm.
I have a big surprise for our date tomorrow night.
Wear socks 'Cause they're gonna get knocked off.
Oh,a surprise! Oh,the last surprise i got on a date Was the wife knocking on the motel door.
I know.
He's so sweet.
Every single saturday night We make an ice cream sundae bar and we watch old movies.
Well,i can't tempt you and henry to come out With stuart and i to this movie premiere For which i have passes.
(Gasps) "27 dresses.
" Shut up! I so want to see this movie.
I love romantic comedies.
And i love james marsden.
I want to bake him naked and eat him for dessert.
Okay,you and i have very different points of view Of romantic comedy.
Yeah.
But we couldn't go anyway.
Henry and i are trying to do things That are just the two of us.
He's leaving in 17 weeks and 4 days.
Wait.
Isn't this a leap year? (Gasps) 17 weeks and 5 days! I have to go tell him, give him a kiss! Go on.
Go on.
Wait! No,no,no.
This is all wrong.
You call this a cover,kiki? The goal is to make me look five years younger Than i say i am.
Be prepared to work through lunch.
Why aren't they working? Willie,a word.
It's not that anyone minds being abused.
It's just that they thought-- And i don't know where they got this-- That they were being paid to be abused.
So this is about money? Well In my day,we worked hard, and we were lucky if we got (Raises voice) a cheese sandwich and a cup of bad coffee.
You were a senator's daughter And went to boarding school in paris.
(Normal voice) i've never realized What tiny features you have.
Oh.
People,i heard there's some grumblings about money.
Well,this afternoon, i'm meeting with our investors, And i'm absolutely certain we will have our funding.
Then,"slater" will be a go.
You didn't order enough paper clips.
Calm down.
You're hysterical.
You're practically screaming like a woman.
Why are you in charge of anything? There's,like, a thousands sticks Of glitter glue and no paper clips.
You're gay,right? Only when it comes to you.
I shouldn't have to ask the receptionist For a paper clip.
Okay,slow down there, spanky.
You,my friend, are not the only one Who needs paper clips.
What? Metallics are back in this year.
That is a misuse of company property.
And that is a misuse of hair gel.
How much are you wearing? That's it.
You just pissed off the pep.
(Whimpers) no! I'm sorry,ma'am, But this thing is not allowed in the building.
You can pick it up in the lobby on your way out.
Will you walk him? (Chuckles) no.
No! You guys are out of paper clips, But there's a butt-Load of glitter glue.
I took some for my son.
(Lowers voice) did that guy just check out my ass? How much does he make? Ugh,not enough to be worth it, But hey,you're starting to notice Guys check out your ass again.
I can't even focus on guys right now.
I gotta focus on opening up my salon.
Hilda,i said you could make a few color copies, Not ransack the office supplies.
No,no,no, they factor that in.
Believe me, if i didn't take these, The books wouldn't line up at the end of the year.
Look.
Check it out.
"Hilda's beautilities-- I give good hair.
" Ooh,that's a little smutty.
You might get some of those guys in front of the liquor store.
Hey,their money's good.
Ay, betty,i got such a good feeling about this salon.
When i heard that beauty school burned down And was selling a slightly damaged shampoo sink, I really felt like god was looking out for me.
Well, you're gonna be amazing.
Oh,and henry's coming by tomorrow With his "time life" books to install the sink.
Ay, i still gotta get that thing home.
Hey,do you think your little friend With the van could do it? Are you still hating him now or what? Who? Gio? No,we're fine.
He'll be happy to do it.
Investors! How could they have turned me down? That's not what they said.
They just need a few days to think about it.
Oh,that means "no.
" Don't be stupid.
"Image problem.
" I don't have an image problem.
Well,you have had some pretty bad press lately.
Well,you were fired and pushed into your fianc?S grave.
I don't know how to put a positive spin on that.
Well,then we're screwed,marc.
They're the only investors Willing to launch a new magazine, And they think i have an image problem.
Well,then,we change your image.
Come on.
It's the media age.
We can do it overnight.
Britney spears shaves something or shows something Or shows something shaved, And it's around the world in seconds.
Trust me,lady.
I can make you mother teresa with better boobs.
It's interesting.
You only call me when you need something.
When was the last time you went down To my deli and bought a sandwich? Well,gio,that's because every time i come in,you yell, "There she is--The eater.
" It's cute.
It's our thing.
Gio,you gotta let me pay you.
I don't feel right.
Just give my mom a haircut And don't tell her about her bald spot.
Um,gio,you can just set the sink down over there.
Henry's coming to install it.
A man of many talents.
Is there anything egg salad can't do? Why is henry egg salad? Because egg salad is a boring sandwich, And gio thinks that henry is boring.
Oh,no,henry's not boring.
No,look at all the cool stuff you guys do.
I mean,your,um, saturday night sundae night.
That sounds like fun.
It is.
It is so much fun.
Every weekend, we have a theme topping.
Like,last week,we were watching "walk the line"-- You know,about johnny cash-- So he chopped up cashews.
(Laughs) It was fun.
It was fun.
And did you eat it with a reese witherspoon? (Laughs) That's funny.
He's funny.
Yeah,he's a riot.
I'm just kidding, but come on.
You and henry,have,like, what,four months left, And this is how you spend a saturday night? Okay,gio, what would you do? If i loved a girl, And i knew i had so little time left with her, Then every night would be a chance to make a memory.
Believe me,if there was any ice cream involved, I would be eating it off her stomach.
Sexy.
Gross.
And i'd take her out to montauk, You know, with a bottle of wine, And we'd build a fire and sleep on the beach.
Or maybe we'd climb the fire escape To the rooftop of the blue note And listen to music.
Maybe we'd just go out dancing.
'Cause,you know,you never feel closer to a woman Than when you're holding her.
You know,like,mm, So close that you could feel her breath on your neck.
Because love doesn't come around often, And i'd want to make every second count.
Man,i love this song.
Aw,whoo! Come on,betty.
No.
Gio.
I don't want to dance.
Mmm.
We have to work.
Hilda,we have to work.
(Hilda) what? Come on.
A little bit of dancing.
Come on.
Ready? One,two.
One,two,mm,mm.
There you go.
You got it.
You got it.
(Laughs) oh,hey, you guys are good together.
Yeah.
Really good.
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" You wanna take another look? Why were you dancing with that guy? I don't know.
He just grabbed me.
He was just showing us some dance moves.
(Clinks) damn it.
It's not that big a deal.
What? No,it's this,like-- I can't get this pipe to fit.
Need some help there? What? No.
I got it.
Yeah,i see you've got your,um,"time life" books.
Yep.
Henry uses them all the time.
He says they were his best friends growing up.
I didn't say it like that.
You know,i think where you're going wrong Is you didn't slip the trap nut and washer onto the tailpiece Before you attached the p-Trap.
Yes,thank you.
Henry,i think you should let gio do it.
That p-Trap thingy sounds hard.
Hilda,he says he can do it.
Yes,i can.
There.
It's done.
Okay.
Henry! Uh,you okay? No,no.
It's supposed to do that.
It says so in the book.
Surprise,surprise.
The devil donates prada.
Wilhelmina slater spent the day Clothing the homeless, making our city beautiful And even comforting the sick.
* rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * children of the lord * It's like eleanor roosevelt has come back to life As a woman.
From the antichrist to "auntie mame" "Slater.
" One moment.
It's the investors.
Paul,hello.
Oh,you saw that.
Well,i'm mortified.
Y--They just showed up with cameras and ambushed me.
Well, what can i say? Now everyone knows the real wilhelmina.
He turned off the video? Oh,your father and cameras I remember when he set a camera up in the bedroom.
We got a half hour of a moaning lamp.
Yeah,mom.
We found that tape.
So,mom, are you okay? How are they treating you there? Oh,i'm fine.
I think i have A little more cache this time,being an escapee.
The bulls are giving me a wider berth.
Okay,mom,we're really happy you're top dog there, But we really need to talk about your hearing.
We're thinking you should plead T guilty by reason of insanity.
Wait,we said i was gonna tell her that.
Mom,hi.
We need to sit down with the attorneys and-- Give me that.
I'm talking to her.
Are we really doing this again? Yes,we are.
(Claire) kids-- Mom,didn't dad used to call me "my daniel"? Kids-- Maybe he used to call you my dumb-Ass.
Children! Put me on the speakerphone.
There is a woman named hatchet in here Who gets out tomorrow, and i swear to god, If the two of you do not cut it out, I will send her to get you.
Now your father is gone, And i may be gone for a very long time.
You two are on your own now, And it is time to grow up.
There is a business to be run.
This is not the tree house you fought over When you were 12.
Work it out.
Daniel, let's get real.
We both know who dad wanted.
(Scoffs) we don't know that.
The video got cut off.
Then how do you propose we solve this? Lawyers? Arbitrators? What about what mom said? Grow up? That won't work.
No.
The way we settled the tree house.
This is a billion-Dollar company,daniel.
We're not gonna choose a president With a paintball war.
Well,dad wanted someone with a killer instinct.
Forget it.
Why? Are you afraid i might win again, Like i did with the tree house? You're on.
See what i did here? I mixed a little bit of prep With a little bit of gangsta, And i found an edge where there was none.
I don't know.
Can i really rock this look? Betty? Um,i like the color.
Henry,your clothes will be dry in 20 minutes, And,uh,you can just keep my boxers.
You guys are not gonna believe What i just did.
I asked gio out.
What? Yeah,we're gonna go dancing.
Oh,henry.
It's cute.
Really? Gio? I mean,don't you find him a little annoying? Oh,i think he's fun.
Besides,you're the one who keeps saying That i should go out.
Good move,mija.
It will be nice to have someone around the house who's so handy.
I mean,when we're not calling henry to--To fix things.
Yeah.
I'm out.
I don't know,hilda.
I think he's a little bit of a know-It-All.
I think it's great,hilda.
Eh,i'm on the fence.
All done.
Just be home by 11:00.
Ow! What? So,hilda, you like reggaeton music? Are you kidding? I love reggaeton.
Oh,man,i know this hot club with this amazing deejay.
It is off the hook.
God,that sounds like so much fun.
Yeah,that does sound like fun.
Hey,do you guys wanna come? Um we have plans.
Uh,we have plans.
Uh,my boyfriend has A really big surprise for me.
Yeah,it's off the hook,too.
Really? Tonight,instead of just having ice cream We're gonna make it.
Cool.
* i'm your ice cream man * * stop me when you're passin' by * * see, now all my flavors * * are guaranteed to satisfy * Here you go.
One scoop of homemade "bananas for betty.
" You named it after me? Mm-Hmm.
How sweet.
Mm,the movie.
I rented fassbinder's "The bitter tears of petra von kant" Because you are seriously lacking In your knowledge of new german cinema.
And to go with it, bitter chocolate drops To represent the bitter tears Of our sad german heroine.
(Laughs) hey,you okay? Yeah.
But you know what i was thinking? What? You know what would be really fun? Hmm? If we climbed a fire escape.
(Laughs) Or--Or maybe we could go to the pier.
Tonight? Yeah.
Why not? Because it's supposed to rain and it's mov night.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
Never mind.
Um,forget it.
You're right.
Let's,um,sit on the couch and eat our ice cream.
Good.
But maybe there's a more fun way to eat it.
The rules are simple-- We fight to the death.
The captain of the winning team takes control of meade.
Okay,peeps, as captain-- You're not captain.
As backup captain, I wanna say that we are all brothers in this, Even the chicks.
So,warriors, to your ducatis.
Yeah,we rented a bus to take us to the paintball field.
Not as cool.
Let's go.
You wait,pepper.
You're gonna taste the wrath of my dog's vengeance.
You don't even know what "wrath" means.
So.
I know you're gonna taste it.
You know,i think this is one of those things That's better in theory, Because they really don't tell you how cold it is.
Oh,okay.
Well,i'll just eat it fast then.
Oh,god.
Okay,um-- Okay, just do something, Because my belly button is frozen.
All right,then maybe this will warm you up.
Ow! Oh! Oh,no,it's hot! Hot fudge! Hot! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Aah! (Muffled voice) it's hot.
It's hot.
(Groaning) this is I can't feel my tongue.
This is crazy.
How is this better than the night that i planned? (Normal voice) i don't know.
I just wanted to try something different.
Well,this is different.
Henry,it's just that we have So ltle time left together, And--And i--And i feel like we're not making the best of it.
It's like,why are we sitting at home When we could be out there Dancing or something? Dancing? Like gio and hilda? Well,why not? Henry,i-I just-- I want us to have memories.
Okay.
If that's what you really want, We'll go dancing.
All right,there's another rainstorm coming.
They closed the paintball field.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to postpone this.
No way.
I totally had my heart set on killing nick pepper.
Damn,dawg.
Accounting was finally gonna represent.
Forget the rain.
We're playing.
She's right.
She's alexis-- Big as texas.
She knows what it's like to be both sexes.
I can't listen to that for the next three hours.
Here's the deal-- We're playing.
Now! (Gunfire) Aw 'em out! Shoot to kill! Uh,do what she said, only for me.
Come on.
What bar are we meeting up at later? I'm very pleased,marc.
By this time next week, "Slater" magazine will have its funding.
And i'll get paid.
(Chuckles) I think i'll start eating breakfast again.
(Thunder rumbles) Oh,damn,it looks like it's gonna rain.
Run up and get my umbrella.
I'll meet you at the restaurant.
You're not gonna wait? No.
(Woman) taxi.
Excuse me.
I was here first.
Midtown nobu,please.
Well,you're very rude.
And you're wearing plastic.
I'm gonna be late.
And i'm gonna get wet.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Ow! Oh! Oh.
(Whimpers) Oh.
Ohh.
That should take care of it.
Oh,my god.
It's betty white.
Yes,it's betty white, jackass.
I'm on the ground here.
Call 9-1-1.
They're on their way, And dot worry-- I got it all on my cell.
You know,you're our favorite golden girl.
Can we get aicture? I'm in pain.
Come on,just one.
Hey.
(Betty) guys! Hey! Oh,hey.
You came! You came! We thought we'd take you up on your offer.
Are you having fun? Hell,yeah.
The restaurant was amazing.
I had four champagne cocktails, And i don't even feel drunk.
Let me get us a round of drinks.
No,no.
I'll get 'em.
I'll get 'em.
I got it.
Somebody get 'em, because i don't feel anything.
A round of flaming pelicans,please.
Oh,no.
I don't want a flaming pelican.
Why--Why not? They sound fun.
Have one.
It's okay.
Um,i'm gonna have a club soda.
No,get him a flaming thing.
It'll loosen you up.
And then gio can show you some of those fancy dance moves.
I'm good.
So,hilda, how about you let me Throw you around the dance floor? Sure.
Hey,uh, are you guys coming? Yes.
Nah.
Um you go.
Um,we'll-- We'll go on the next one.
We'll dance on the next one.
What?! Okay,here's the plan-- Rudolph,i want you in the closet.
Stephani maya, cover reception.
Amanda,i want you to cover the bull pen.
I want the closet.
No,you're gonna steal shoes.
Now,you guys, i'm really confident We have a winning team.
Aah! (Amanda) cover me! (Daniel) find your cover! Come on.
Oh,i was hit.
I'm out.
Oh,i'm out,too.
(Woman) now it's just daniel and amanda.
Oh,hello.
What's with all the stalkerazzi? Ah,the world in which we live in.
Guess they found out about the news about "slater.
" How are my teeth? Sharp as ever.
All right.
Uh, the official announcement For "slater" won't be for a couple months, But i'll be happy to answer any questions.
Wilhelmina,why do you hate betty white? I'm sorry? The woman's a national treasure.
What do you have against her? Uh,i have nothing against her.
Then why did you viciously attack her? Marc,they're yelling things at me And getting-- Getting very close.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Tv legend betty white's high five Was reduced to a high four After fashion diva wilhelmina slater Slammed her hand in a car door tonight.
Ouch! Willie,how could you? Uh,well, obviously i didn't know It was betty white.
I'm not a monster.
I just thought it was some old woman in the rain.
By now you've all seen the footage on youtube, But i can't see it enough.
(Snorts) can you? What in the world Oh,god.
This thing has had 50,000 hits in the last hour.
Some queen's even remixed it to a dance song.
Oh! Ooh! Oh! I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
I don't get wet.
Wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Ooh! You're wearing plastic funky.
Oh,this is bad,willie, really bad.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet This is a disaster.
"Slater" is ruined, And i may have spent an afternoon Touching homeless people for nothing.
Well,maybe it's still okay.
Maybe the investors haven't seen it.
(Whimpers) oh,god.
No,no,no.
It's me.
Oh.
It was an anna sui.
I know i should feel something, but i feel nothing.
War has changed me.
Hang in there.
We're doing good.
I just shot stella in the ladies' room.
And karen went home because she got bored.
See? That counts.
We only have alexis and nick left.
S with singsongy voice) danny,come out and play.
Daniel,this is out of control.
Maybe we should just give up.
Innocent clothes are getting hurt.
No.
We're not going anywhere.
Alexis always wins everything.
You know,she even got to say good-Bye To my father in the end, and i didn't.
She's not getting this.
Amanda, Are you with me? Yes,i am.
Eyes on the prize.
You take nick.
I have alexis.
(Man) * back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * Wow.
They look like they're having a lot of fun.
Yeah come on,henry, let's dance.
Betty, you've seen me dance.
I don't want to look like a fool.
Oh,who cares? Gio doesn't care what he looks like.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
Maybe i don't want to be fun.
Oh,my gosh,henry, your shirt! Oh,my god.
Uh,yes.
Somebody help him.
(Man) hey! I'm sorry.
Did my catching on fire interrupt your date? Are you okay? Betty,what are we even doing here? I-I just wanted us to dance.
Well,if you want to dance so badly, Then--Then go and dance with gio, Because i'm never gonna be that guy.
Stop tormenting us! Oh,just answer it.
(Ring) Let them pull the funding.
I'm done.
I can't fight for "slater" any longer.
(Ring) "Slater.
" Oh.
It's betty white's publicist.
Yes,she'll speak to betty.
At does she want? I don't know.
What do i say? I don't know.
How do i look? It's a phone.
Betty white, how are you? Well,for someone who had to fight a rat For her fingertip, surprisingly well.
Well,i didn't vote for giuliani, But he did make the city cleaner.
Betty,i can't begin to tell you How sorry i am.
Believe me,i-- I just thought You were some old lady.
Oh,an honest mistake.
And i'll be fine.
I did lose a lot of blood, but it was my own fault.
I stopped to sign a few autographs And almost bled out on the sidewalk.
Well,that's why you're beloved-- You're loyal to your fans.
Oh,well, i adore 'em Except for the few sickos Who write lesbian fan fiction About me and bea arthur.
Look,i know you must feel terrible.
That's why i'm calling you-- To tell you i forgive you.
Really? Well, that's wonderful.
Well,i feel better, But you know how you can help heal the city? You can forgive me on tv.
Looking for me? (Grunts) damn it.
That was for halston.
Aah.
Ow! That hurts.
And that was for not holding the elevator.
(Grunts) and that is for not making the coffee.
And that is for wearing yellow spandex-- Okay,i'm dead.
I'm dead.
I will tell you when you are dead.
(Grunts) you are a psycho.
And you are a dog hater! God,you're hot when you're mad.
And you're hot when you're dead Oh,amanda.
(Gasps) Eh.
(Amanda) mm.
I hate you.
Mm.
Mm.
Oh! And then there was one.
Henry,it's me.
Um,i know you're ignoring my calls right now, Because you're not so bananas for betty.
I mean,why would you be? I'm not either.
I just wanted to say Nted to say I gotta go.
You're dancing right now.
(Harold melvin & the blue notes) * if you * * don't know me by now * * if you don't know me by now * * you will never,never, never know me * * you'll never, never,never know me * * ooh,ooh,ooh * * hey,hey * * if you don't know me by now * * if you don't * (Man) * oh * Betty,i'm sorry.
I-I was acting like such a jerk.
I just got jealous.
Look,i-I'm never gonna be like gio.
Gettin' my freak on doesn't come naturally.
Stop.
I don't want you to be like gio, And i don't need to come to clubs And i don't need to eat food off of you.
I just want to be with you.
I want to be with you.
I have 17 weeks and 3 days left With the most amazing guy in the world, And i'm happy eating ice cream on the couch Out of a bowl.
Henry,wow.
What can i say,man? You have the moves of a jungle cat.
Yeah,henry,where have you been hiding that? (Gio) well, so who's drinking? I am! You know,i think they water these down.
I'm just sayin'.
(Gio laughs) Oh,hey,uh, you guys comin'? I think we're going home.
Later.
Owdamn it! Alexis, are you all right? Oh.
What areou waiting for? Take the shot.
What are we doing? Does it really matter who dad wanted to run meade? Why don't we do it together? I'm willing to if you are.
I'd like that.
(Panting) wh-- I let you win the tree house,daniel, 'Cause it didn't matter.
But i'm not letting you win is.
Maybe next saturday, i'll make the ice cream, And i'll call it "hazelnuts for henry.
" And when "27 dresses" comes out, I'll make you "chick flick chicken," And we'll sit in the front row.
As long as it's you and me, It's a date.
* it illuminates my soul, is inspired * * your eyes are wider than before * Oh,shh.
Shh.
Oh,shh.
Shh.
(Clears throat) I think i had too much too drink.
Oh,you--You wanna go back to the club? So So? Hey,do you,um,wanna do this again sometime? I don't think so.
Oh,i had so much fun tonight.
When henry caught on fire (laughs) yeah.
And everything,but,um, you just really seem To up your game when betty showed up.
What? What--What are you talking about? I'm just saying I don't think i'm the suarez sister you like.
* oh,so much more * (Man) one minute to air.
Now this is gonna be picked up by every major station.
I can't thank you enough for doing this.
You're a class act,lady.
Oh,i just don't want to be part of the ugliness out there.
As gandhi said,"be the change you want to see in the world.
" Oh,terrific.
I'm going on tv with whore eyes.
Okay,ladies.
We're going live.
Turn on that over-40 charm.
And five,four, three,two So much can change overnight.
This is suzuki st.
Pierre from "fashion buzz," Here at the peace summit no one thought would ever happen.
Wilhelmina,what do you have to say to award-Winning actress, Animal rights activist, friend to gays everywhere-- I love you-- Me,too.
Betty white.
As i saito her last night when i rushed to her side,i-- Oh! My hand! Oh,oh,it hurts.
I barely-- Now she's going after my other hand.
Betty,please.
Why do y hate me? What did i ever do to you? Please,betty.
Oh,god! Get the monster away from me.
Cut.
What the hell is going on here? Have you lost your mind, old woman? Did i not mention that "regis and kelly" called? And "the view.
" They want me.
They all want me.
Oh,i'm sorry,honey.
This feud is huge, And i'm gonna milk it till it's dry.
But you don't need this.
Are you kidding? That "golden girls" money went right into the nickel slots.
Roll it,sweetheart.
Oh! Get her away from me! I think she's got a knife.
Oh,no! My bunny got wounded.
It's collateral damage.
I'm sorry,betty.
Ugh.
So what does all of this mean? Well,essentially, alexis is my boss.
I'm going up to my dad's office right now-- Uh,alexis' office-- To sign the contracts.
Oh,i'm so sorry,daniel, but you know what? I think i remember your dad calling you "my daniel" once.
It was at the christmas party, and It's okay.
No,it's just hard to admit he never trusted me.
I guess he knew only alexis had his killer instinct.
Oh,but you don't need a killer instinct to be a leader.
What about martin luther king or jesus? I mean, you're not as good as them, But you're at least as good as alexis.
Yeah,i bet i could run a fashion magazine At least as good as martin luther king.
Probably not jesus.
Willie,disaster.
Jody called me this morning.
No one's coming in.
They've mutinied.
There's no way to replace them Unless we hire children or use prison labor.
"Slater's"dead,marc.
Have a cup of tea.
Dead? No.
It's all i've got except for goohair And good clothes,and actually, you know,i'm doing okay.
But what about you? How can you be so calm? You've got nothing.
Because i've moved on to plan "b.
" I've been saving it foa rainy day.
And by god,it's pouring.
(Gasps) what is that? Do you remember after bradford died, I went off to grieve privately? Tell me,doctor, is it true what i' read, That sperm can be removed from a body Up to 48 hours after death and still be viable? Um,that is correct.
Yes.
Well,i wonder if there's a procedure You'd be willing to do for me.
You mean that's in your freezer? I put a pinkberry in there.
It's our future,marc.
If i can't marry into the meade family, I will give birth to an heir.
(Betty) mr.
Meade? (Man) there's no pulse.
Is this bradford meade's body? I have a proposition you might be interested in.
Motion to terminate wilhelmina slater.
All those in favor.
(Daniel and alexis) aye.
Did you come to clean out your office,wilhelmina? No,daniel.
I came to clean out yours.
"Slater.
" We're currently setting up our offices, And there are still positions available.
All right.
What is this guy's name? I don't know.
Something lame,like gio.
Tell me who you're dating.
Henry from accounting.
There.
More.
He got a girl pregnant.
Wow.
You are being stupid.
I know you're leaving in five months, And i know that i'm gonna get my heart broken, But maybe it's worth it.
So let me get this straight.
Our father left a video for us.
(Alexis) is this a new will? No,no.
It's simply a personal message He recorded for the both of you A few weeks before he died.
I'll wait outside.
Thank you.
He must've known he was sick.
Well,we'll never know.
Alexis,daniel, i'm sick.
Who knows how much time i have left? Well,obviously, if you're watching this, I didn't have a lot.
Hopefully,you gave me a proper send-Off.
I thought it was nice.
Shh.
I didn't reveal who i wanted To run meade publications in my will, Because i wanted to explain my decision to you.
Is this thing on? (Sighs) typical.
Yeah.
(Coughs) Running a company like this Requires a specific type of leadership.
You have to have confidence, Be able to smell blood in the water.
You need to possess a killer instinct.
So after long consideration, i choose-- (Betty) mr.
Meade-- Oh,i'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were in the m-- Oh! Ah,whoopsy-Daisy.
Sorry.
Daniel sent me to deliver this thing (coughing) And your assistant wasn't there.
I'm sorry.
Come on,betty.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Just set the camera up and leave.
Okay.
Yep,that's right.
Uh,can i get you anything else? No.
Okay.
(Coughs) come on.
It is my desire that one of you become the president And chief fiduciary officer of meade publications.
So i hope you'll both understand When i tell you That i choose my d-- Is this thing even on? Yes,it's on.
It's on.
There you go.
Wait,what-- What happened? Dad.
Oh,learn to work stuff.
It's pretty clear he was going to say,"my daughter.
" No,it's not.
He was gonna say, "i choose my daniel.
" "My daniel?" Who says that? He did all the time.
"My daniel this my daniel that" Obviously we're not going to be settling this right now.
Tomorrow morning we're gonna talk to mom about the trial, Maybe she'll have an opinion on this.
Fine.
Until then, no one sits behind his desk.
Agreed.
Tell me again why we're stealing your father's chair.
We're not stealing it.
We're guarding it.
Until we figure out who runs meade, No one sits in it.
But couldn't alexis just get another chair And put that behind the desk and sit in that? No--She--That's not whose side on you on? Yours.
I'll guard the chair.
The chair is life.
The chair is everything.
Look,i can run meade just as well as alexis.
I can smell blood in the water.
You know, i'm a good leader.
Of course you are,daniel.
There it is! I knew you took it! Run,betty.
Come on.
Run.
Hurry! I'm going.
I'm going.
Out of my way.
Excuse me.
Protect that chair! Keep it-- Sorry.
Would you grow up,daniel? Hey.
Get out of there.
That's notyours.
You know it is.
You get out of there.
You get out.
You get out.
Why are you so strong? What,did they give you super strength When they installed your vagina? Guys,everyone is watching.
Now i'm happy to guard the chair Until you talk to your mother and figure it out.
Just so you know, They did give me super strength.
Betty,you heard my dad call me "my daniel," right? Sure.
Oh,the children are cranky today.
Did you give them both a time-Out? Exhausting.
Milady.
Thank you.
And mi-Other-Lady.
Oh,thank you.
Hmm.
I have a big surprise for our date tomorrow night.
Wear socks 'Cause they're gonna get knocked off.
Oh,a surprise! Oh,the last surprise i got on a date Was the wife knocking on the motel door.
I know.
He's so sweet.
Every single saturday night We make an ice cream sundae bar and we watch old movies.
Well,i can't tempt you and henry to come out With stuart and i to this movie premiere For which i have passes.
(Gasps) "27 dresses.
" Shut up! I so want to see this movie.
I love romantic comedies.
And i love james marsden.
I want to bake him naked and eat him for dessert.
Okay,you and i have very different points of view Of romantic comedy.
Yeah.
But we couldn't go anyway.
Henry and i are trying to do things That are just the two of us.
He's leaving in 17 weeks and 4 days.
Wait.
Isn't this a leap year? (Gasps) 17 weeks and 5 days! I have to go tell him, give him a kiss! Go on.
Go on.
Wait! No,no,no.
This is all wrong.
You call this a cover,kiki? The goal is to make me look five years younger Than i say i am.
Be prepared to work through lunch.
Why aren't they working? Willie,a word.
It's not that anyone minds being abused.
It's just that they thought-- And i don't know where they got this-- That they were being paid to be abused.
So this is about money? Well In my day,we worked hard, and we were lucky if we got (Raises voice) a cheese sandwich and a cup of bad coffee.
You were a senator's daughter And went to boarding school in paris.
(Normal voice) i've never realized What tiny features you have.
Oh.
People,i heard there's some grumblings about money.
Well,this afternoon, i'm meeting with our investors, And i'm absolutely certain we will have our funding.
Then,"slater" will be a go.
You didn't order enough paper clips.
Calm down.
You're hysterical.
You're practically screaming like a woman.
Why are you in charge of anything? There's,like, a thousands sticks Of glitter glue and no paper clips.
You're gay,right? Only when it comes to you.
I shouldn't have to ask the receptionist For a paper clip.
Okay,slow down there, spanky.
You,my friend, are not the only one Who needs paper clips.
What? Metallics are back in this year.
That is a misuse of company property.
And that is a misuse of hair gel.
How much are you wearing? That's it.
You just pissed off the pep.
(Whimpers) no! I'm sorry,ma'am, But this thing is not allowed in the building.
You can pick it up in the lobby on your way out.
Will you walk him? (Chuckles) no.
No! You guys are out of paper clips, But there's a butt-Load of glitter glue.
I took some for my son.
(Lowers voice) did that guy just check out my ass? How much does he make? Ugh,not enough to be worth it, But hey,you're starting to notice Guys check out your ass again.
I can't even focus on guys right now.
I gotta focus on opening up my salon.
Hilda,i said you could make a few color copies, Not ransack the office supplies.
No,no,no, they factor that in.
Believe me, if i didn't take these, The books wouldn't line up at the end of the year.
Look.
Check it out.
"Hilda's beautilities-- I give good hair.
" Ooh,that's a little smutty.
You might get some of those guys in front of the liquor store.
Hey,their money's good.
Ay, betty,i got such a good feeling about this salon.
When i heard that beauty school burned down And was selling a slightly damaged shampoo sink, I really felt like god was looking out for me.
Well, you're gonna be amazing.
Oh,and henry's coming by tomorrow With his "time life" books to install the sink.
Ay, i still gotta get that thing home.
Hey,do you think your little friend With the van could do it? Are you still hating him now or what? Who? Gio? No,we're fine.
He'll be happy to do it.
Investors! How could they have turned me down? That's not what they said.
They just need a few days to think about it.
Oh,that means "no.
" Don't be stupid.
"Image problem.
" I don't have an image problem.
Well,you have had some pretty bad press lately.
Well,you were fired and pushed into your fianc?S grave.
I don't know how to put a positive spin on that.
Well,then we're screwed,marc.
They're the only investors Willing to launch a new magazine, And they think i have an image problem.
Well,then,we change your image.
Come on.
It's the media age.
We can do it overnight.
Britney spears shaves something or shows something Or shows something shaved, And it's around the world in seconds.
Trust me,lady.
I can make you mother teresa with better boobs.
It's interesting.
You only call me when you need something.
When was the last time you went down To my deli and bought a sandwich? Well,gio,that's because every time i come in,you yell, "There she is--The eater.
" It's cute.
It's our thing.
Gio,you gotta let me pay you.
I don't feel right.
Just give my mom a haircut And don't tell her about her bald spot.
Um,gio,you can just set the sink down over there.
Henry's coming to install it.
A man of many talents.
Is there anything egg salad can't do? Why is henry egg salad? Because egg salad is a boring sandwich, And gio thinks that henry is boring.
Oh,no,henry's not boring.
No,look at all the cool stuff you guys do.
I mean,your,um, saturday night sundae night.
That sounds like fun.
It is.
It is so much fun.
Every weekend, we have a theme topping.
Like,last week,we were watching "walk the line"-- You know,about johnny cash-- So he chopped up cashews.
(Laughs) It was fun.
It was fun.
And did you eat it with a reese witherspoon? (Laughs) That's funny.
He's funny.
Yeah,he's a riot.
I'm just kidding, but come on.
You and henry,have,like, what,four months left, And this is how you spend a saturday night? Okay,gio, what would you do? If i loved a girl, And i knew i had so little time left with her, Then every night would be a chance to make a memory.
Believe me,if there was any ice cream involved, I would be eating it off her stomach.
Sexy.
Gross.
And i'd take her out to montauk, You know, with a bottle of wine, And we'd build a fire and sleep on the beach.
Or maybe we'd climb the fire escape To the rooftop of the blue note And listen to music.
Maybe we'd just go out dancing.
'Cause,you know,you never feel closer to a woman Than when you're holding her.
You know,like,mm, So close that you could feel her breath on your neck.
Because love doesn't come around often, And i'd want to make every second count.
Man,i love this song.
Aw,whoo! Come on,betty.
No.
Gio.
I don't want to dance.
Mmm.
We have to work.
Hilda,we have to work.
(Hilda) what? Come on.
A little bit of dancing.
Come on.
Ready? One,two.
One,two,mm,mm.
There you go.
You got it.
You got it.
(Laughs) oh,hey, you guys are good together.
Yeah.
Really good.
·òë: ð£ ô: ê±¼äö᣺êø»¤ììê¹ ¡ ³óå®±´µù¡· µú þ¼¾µú10¼¯ Doesn't really match the figure "b.
" You wanna take another look? Why were you dancing with that guy? I don't know.
He just grabbed me.
He was just showing us some dance moves.
(Clinks) damn it.
It's not that big a deal.
What? No,it's this,like-- I can't get this pipe to fit.
Need some help there? What? No.
I got it.
Yeah,i see you've got your,um,"time life" books.
Yep.
Henry uses them all the time.
He says they were his best friends growing up.
I didn't say it like that.
You know,i think where you're going wrong Is you didn't slip the trap nut and washer onto the tailpiece Before you attached the p-Trap.
Yes,thank you.
Henry,i think you should let gio do it.
That p-Trap thingy sounds hard.
Hilda,he says he can do it.
Yes,i can.
There.
It's done.
Okay.
Henry! Uh,you okay? No,no.
It's supposed to do that.
It says so in the book.
Surprise,surprise.
The devil donates prada.
Wilhelmina slater spent the day Clothing the homeless, making our city beautiful And even comforting the sick.
* rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * rise and shine and give god your glory,glory * * children of the lord * It's like eleanor roosevelt has come back to life As a woman.
From the antichrist to "auntie mame" "Slater.
" One moment.
It's the investors.
Paul,hello.
Oh,you saw that.
Well,i'm mortified.
Y--They just showed up with cameras and ambushed me.
Well, what can i say? Now everyone knows the real wilhelmina.
He turned off the video? Oh,your father and cameras I remember when he set a camera up in the bedroom.
We got a half hour of a moaning lamp.
Yeah,mom.
We found that tape.
So,mom, are you okay? How are they treating you there? Oh,i'm fine.
I think i have A little more cache this time,being an escapee.
The bulls are giving me a wider berth.
Okay,mom,we're really happy you're top dog there, But we really need to talk about your hearing.
We're thinking you should plead T guilty by reason of insanity.
Wait,we said i was gonna tell her that.
Mom,hi.
We need to sit down with the attorneys and-- Give me that.
I'm talking to her.
Are we really doing this again? Yes,we are.
(Claire) kids-- Mom,didn't dad used to call me "my daniel"? Kids-- Maybe he used to call you my dumb-Ass.
Children! Put me on the speakerphone.
There is a woman named hatchet in here Who gets out tomorrow, and i swear to god, If the two of you do not cut it out, I will send her to get you.
Now your father is gone, And i may be gone for a very long time.
You two are on your own now, And it is time to grow up.
There is a business to be run.
This is not the tree house you fought over When you were 12.
Work it out.
Daniel, let's get real.
We both know who dad wanted.
(Scoffs) we don't know that.
The video got cut off.
Then how do you propose we solve this? Lawyers? Arbitrators? What about what mom said? Grow up? That won't work.
No.
The way we settled the tree house.
This is a billion-Dollar company,daniel.
We're not gonna choose a president With a paintball war.
Well,dad wanted someone with a killer instinct.
Forget it.
Why? Are you afraid i might win again, Like i did with the tree house? You're on.
See what i did here? I mixed a little bit of prep With a little bit of gangsta, And i found an edge where there was none.
I don't know.
Can i really rock this look? Betty? Um,i like the color.
Henry,your clothes will be dry in 20 minutes, And,uh,you can just keep my boxers.
You guys are not gonna believe What i just did.
I asked gio out.
What? Yeah,we're gonna go dancing.
Oh,henry.
It's cute.
Really? Gio? I mean,don't you find him a little annoying? Oh,i think he's fun.
Besides,you're the one who keeps saying That i should go out.
Good move,mija.
It will be nice to have someone around the house who's so handy.
I mean,when we're not calling henry to--To fix things.
Yeah.
I'm out.
I don't know,hilda.
I think he's a little bit of a know-It-All.
I think it's great,hilda.
Eh,i'm on the fence.
All done.
Just be home by 11:00.
Ow! What? So,hilda, you like reggaeton music? Are you kidding? I love reggaeton.
Oh,man,i know this hot club with this amazing deejay.
It is off the hook.
God,that sounds like so much fun.
Yeah,that does sound like fun.
Hey,do you guys wanna come? Um we have plans.
Uh,we have plans.
Uh,my boyfriend has A really big surprise for me.
Yeah,it's off the hook,too.
Really? Tonight,instead of just having ice cream We're gonna make it.
Cool.
* i'm your ice cream man * * stop me when you're passin' by * * see, now all my flavors * * are guaranteed to satisfy * Here you go.
One scoop of homemade "bananas for betty.
" You named it after me? Mm-Hmm.
How sweet.
Mm,the movie.
I rented fassbinder's "The bitter tears of petra von kant" Because you are seriously lacking In your knowledge of new german cinema.
And to go with it, bitter chocolate drops To represent the bitter tears Of our sad german heroine.
(Laughs) hey,you okay? Yeah.
But you know what i was thinking? What? You know what would be really fun? Hmm? If we climbed a fire escape.
(Laughs) Or--Or maybe we could go to the pier.
Tonight? Yeah.
Why not? Because it's supposed to rain and it's mov night.
What are you talking about? I don't know.
Never mind.
Um,forget it.
You're right.
Let's,um,sit on the couch and eat our ice cream.
Good.
But maybe there's a more fun way to eat it.
The rules are simple-- We fight to the death.
The captain of the winning team takes control of meade.
Okay,peeps, as captain-- You're not captain.
As backup captain, I wanna say that we are all brothers in this, Even the chicks.
So,warriors, to your ducatis.
Yeah,we rented a bus to take us to the paintball field.
Not as cool.
Let's go.
You wait,pepper.
You're gonna taste the wrath of my dog's vengeance.
You don't even know what "wrath" means.
So.
I know you're gonna taste it.
You know,i think this is one of those things That's better in theory, Because they really don't tell you how cold it is.
Oh,okay.
Well,i'll just eat it fast then.
Oh,god.
Okay,um-- Okay, just do something, Because my belly button is frozen.
All right,then maybe this will warm you up.
Ow! Oh! Oh,no,it's hot! Hot fudge! Hot! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Aah! (Muffled voice) it's hot.
It's hot.
(Groaning) this is I can't feel my tongue.
This is crazy.
How is this better than the night that i planned? (Normal voice) i don't know.
I just wanted to try something different.
Well,this is different.
Henry,it's just that we have So ltle time left together, And--And i--And i feel like we're not making the best of it.
It's like,why are we sitting at home When we could be out there Dancing or something? Dancing? Like gio and hilda? Well,why not? Henry,i-I just-- I want us to have memories.
Okay.
If that's what you really want, We'll go dancing.
All right,there's another rainstorm coming.
They closed the paintball field.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to postpone this.
No way.
I totally had my heart set on killing nick pepper.
Damn,dawg.
Accounting was finally gonna represent.
Forget the rain.
We're playing.
She's right.
She's alexis-- Big as texas.
She knows what it's like to be both sexes.
I can't listen to that for the next three hours.
Here's the deal-- We're playing.
Now! (Gunfire) Aw 'em out! Shoot to kill! Uh,do what she said, only for me.
Come on.
What bar are we meeting up at later? I'm very pleased,marc.
By this time next week, "Slater" magazine will have its funding.
And i'll get paid.
(Chuckles) I think i'll start eating breakfast again.
(Thunder rumbles) Oh,damn,it looks like it's gonna rain.
Run up and get my umbrella.
I'll meet you at the restaurant.
You're not gonna wait? No.
(Woman) taxi.
Excuse me.
I was here first.
Midtown nobu,please.
Well,you're very rude.
And you're wearing plastic.
I'm gonna be late.
And i'm gonna get wet.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Ow! Oh! Oh.
(Whimpers) Oh.
Ohh.
That should take care of it.
Oh,my god.
It's betty white.
Yes,it's betty white, jackass.
I'm on the ground here.
Call 9-1-1.
They're on their way, And dot worry-- I got it all on my cell.
You know,you're our favorite golden girl.
Can we get aicture? I'm in pain.
Come on,just one.
Hey.
(Betty) guys! Hey! Oh,hey.
You came! You came! We thought we'd take you up on your offer.
Are you having fun? Hell,yeah.
The restaurant was amazing.
I had four champagne cocktails, And i don't even feel drunk.
Let me get us a round of drinks.
No,no.
I'll get 'em.
I'll get 'em.
I got it.
Somebody get 'em, because i don't feel anything.
A round of flaming pelicans,please.
Oh,no.
I don't want a flaming pelican.
Why--Why not? They sound fun.
Have one.
It's okay.
Um,i'm gonna have a club soda.
No,get him a flaming thing.
It'll loosen you up.
And then gio can show you some of those fancy dance moves.
I'm good.
So,hilda, how about you let me Throw you around the dance floor? Sure.
Hey,uh, are you guys coming? Yes.
Nah.
Um you go.
Um,we'll-- We'll go on the next one.
We'll dance on the next one.
What?! Okay,here's the plan-- Rudolph,i want you in the closet.
Stephani maya, cover reception.
Amanda,i want you to cover the bull pen.
I want the closet.
No,you're gonna steal shoes.
Now,you guys, i'm really confident We have a winning team.
Aah! (Amanda) cover me! (Daniel) find your cover! Come on.
Oh,i was hit.
I'm out.
Oh,i'm out,too.
(Woman) now it's just daniel and amanda.
Oh,hello.
What's with all the stalkerazzi? Ah,the world in which we live in.
Guess they found out about the news about "slater.
" How are my teeth? Sharp as ever.
All right.
Uh, the official announcement For "slater" won't be for a couple months, But i'll be happy to answer any questions.
Wilhelmina,why do you hate betty white? I'm sorry? The woman's a national treasure.
What do you have against her? Uh,i have nothing against her.
Then why did you viciously attack her? Marc,they're yelling things at me And getting-- Getting very close.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Tv legend betty white's high five Was reduced to a high four After fashion diva wilhelmina slater Slammed her hand in a car door tonight.
Ouch! Willie,how could you? Uh,well, obviously i didn't know It was betty white.
I'm not a monster.
I just thought it was some old woman in the rain.
By now you've all seen the footage on youtube, But i can't see it enough.
(Snorts) can you? What in the world Oh,god.
This thing has had 50,000 hits in the last hour.
Some queen's even remixed it to a dance song.
Oh! Ooh! Oh! I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
I don't get wet.
Wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet.
Ooh! You're wearing plastic funky.
Oh,this is bad,willie, really bad.
I'm wilhelmina slater.
I don't get wet This is a disaster.
"Slater" is ruined, And i may have spent an afternoon Touching homeless people for nothing.
Well,maybe it's still okay.
Maybe the investors haven't seen it.
(Whimpers) oh,god.
No,no,no.
It's me.
Oh.
It was an anna sui.
I know i should feel something, but i feel nothing.
War has changed me.
Hang in there.
We're doing good.
I just shot stella in the ladies' room.
And karen went home because she got bored.
See? That counts.
We only have alexis and nick left.
S with singsongy voice) danny,come out and play.
Daniel,this is out of control.
Maybe we should just give up.
Innocent clothes are getting hurt.
No.
We're not going anywhere.
Alexis always wins everything.
You know,she even got to say good-Bye To my father in the end, and i didn't.
She's not getting this.
Amanda, Are you with me? Yes,i am.
Eyes on the prize.
You take nick.
I have alexis.
(Man) * back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * * back it,back it up, back it up * Wow.
They look like they're having a lot of fun.
Yeah come on,henry, let's dance.
Betty, you've seen me dance.
I don't want to look like a fool.
Oh,who cares? Gio doesn't care what he looks like.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
Maybe i don't want to be fun.
Oh,my gosh,henry, your shirt! Oh,my god.
Uh,yes.
Somebody help him.
(Man) hey! I'm sorry.
Did my catching on fire interrupt your date? Are you okay? Betty,what are we even doing here? I-I just wanted us to dance.
Well,if you want to dance so badly, Then--Then go and dance with gio, Because i'm never gonna be that guy.
Stop tormenting us! Oh,just answer it.
(Ring) Let them pull the funding.
I'm done.
I can't fight for "slater" any longer.
(Ring) "Slater.
" Oh.
It's betty white's publicist.
Yes,she'll speak to betty.
At does she want? I don't know.
What do i say? I don't know.
How do i look? It's a phone.
Betty white, how are you? Well,for someone who had to fight a rat For her fingertip, surprisingly well.
Well,i didn't vote for giuliani, But he did make the city cleaner.
Betty,i can't begin to tell you How sorry i am.
Believe me,i-- I just thought You were some old lady.
Oh,an honest mistake.
And i'll be fine.
I did lose a lot of blood, but it was my own fault.
I stopped to sign a few autographs And almost bled out on the sidewalk.
Well,that's why you're beloved-- You're loyal to your fans.
Oh,well, i adore 'em Except for the few sickos Who write lesbian fan fiction About me and bea arthur.
Look,i know you must feel terrible.
That's why i'm calling you-- To tell you i forgive you.
Really? Well, that's wonderful.
Well,i feel better, But you know how you can help heal the city? You can forgive me on tv.
Looking for me? (Grunts) damn it.
That was for halston.
Aah.
Ow! That hurts.
And that was for not holding the elevator.
(Grunts) and that is for not making the coffee.
And that is for wearing yellow spandex-- Okay,i'm dead.
I'm dead.
I will tell you when you are dead.
(Grunts) you are a psycho.
And you are a dog hater! God,you're hot when you're mad.
And you're hot when you're dead Oh,amanda.
(Gasps) Eh.
(Amanda) mm.
I hate you.
Mm.
Mm.
Oh! And then there was one.
Henry,it's me.
Um,i know you're ignoring my calls right now, Because you're not so bananas for betty.
I mean,why would you be? I'm not either.
I just wanted to say Nted to say I gotta go.
You're dancing right now.
(Harold melvin & the blue notes) * if you * * don't know me by now * * if you don't know me by now * * you will never,never, never know me * * you'll never, never,never know me * * ooh,ooh,ooh * * hey,hey * * if you don't know me by now * * if you don't * (Man) * oh * Betty,i'm sorry.
I-I was acting like such a jerk.
I just got jealous.
Look,i-I'm never gonna be like gio.
Gettin' my freak on doesn't come naturally.
Stop.
I don't want you to be like gio, And i don't need to come to clubs And i don't need to eat food off of you.
I just want to be with you.
I want to be with you.
I have 17 weeks and 3 days left With the most amazing guy in the world, And i'm happy eating ice cream on the couch Out of a bowl.
Henry,wow.
What can i say,man? You have the moves of a jungle cat.
Yeah,henry,where have you been hiding that? (Gio) well, so who's drinking? I am! You know,i think they water these down.
I'm just sayin'.
(Gio laughs) Oh,hey,uh, you guys comin'? I think we're going home.
Later.
Owdamn it! Alexis, are you all right? Oh.
What areou waiting for? Take the shot.
What are we doing? Does it really matter who dad wanted to run meade? Why don't we do it together? I'm willing to if you are.
I'd like that.
(Panting) wh-- I let you win the tree house,daniel, 'Cause it didn't matter.
But i'm not letting you win is.
Maybe next saturday, i'll make the ice cream, And i'll call it "hazelnuts for henry.
" And when "27 dresses" comes out, I'll make you "chick flick chicken," And we'll sit in the front row.
As long as it's you and me, It's a date.
* it illuminates my soul, is inspired * * your eyes are wider than before * Oh,shh.
Shh.
Oh,shh.
Shh.
(Clears throat) I think i had too much too drink.
Oh,you--You wanna go back to the club? So So? Hey,do you,um,wanna do this again sometime? I don't think so.
Oh,i had so much fun tonight.
When henry caught on fire (laughs) yeah.
And everything,but,um, you just really seem To up your game when betty showed up.
What? What--What are you talking about? I'm just saying I don't think i'm the suarez sister you like.
* oh,so much more * (Man) one minute to air.
Now this is gonna be picked up by every major station.
I can't thank you enough for doing this.
You're a class act,lady.
Oh,i just don't want to be part of the ugliness out there.
As gandhi said,"be the change you want to see in the world.
" Oh,terrific.
I'm going on tv with whore eyes.
Okay,ladies.
We're going live.
Turn on that over-40 charm.
And five,four, three,two So much can change overnight.
This is suzuki st.
Pierre from "fashion buzz," Here at the peace summit no one thought would ever happen.
Wilhelmina,what do you have to say to award-Winning actress, Animal rights activist, friend to gays everywhere-- I love you-- Me,too.
Betty white.
As i saito her last night when i rushed to her side,i-- Oh! My hand! Oh,oh,it hurts.
I barely-- Now she's going after my other hand.
Betty,please.
Why do y hate me? What did i ever do to you? Please,betty.
Oh,god! Get the monster away from me.
Cut.
What the hell is going on here? Have you lost your mind, old woman? Did i not mention that "regis and kelly" called? And "the view.
" They want me.
They all want me.
Oh,i'm sorry,honey.
This feud is huge, And i'm gonna milk it till it's dry.
But you don't need this.
Are you kidding? That "golden girls" money went right into the nickel slots.
Roll it,sweetheart.
Oh! Get her away from me! I think she's got a knife.
Oh,no! My bunny got wounded.
It's collateral damage.
I'm sorry,betty.
Ugh.
So what does all of this mean? Well,essentially, alexis is my boss.
I'm going up to my dad's office right now-- Uh,alexis' office-- To sign the contracts.
Oh,i'm so sorry,daniel, but you know what? I think i remember your dad calling you "my daniel" once.
It was at the christmas party, and It's okay.
No,it's just hard to admit he never trusted me.
I guess he knew only alexis had his killer instinct.
Oh,but you don't need a killer instinct to be a leader.
What about martin luther king or jesus? I mean, you're not as good as them, But you're at least as good as alexis.
Yeah,i bet i could run a fashion magazine At least as good as martin luther king.
Probably not jesus.
Willie,disaster.
Jody called me this morning.
No one's coming in.
They've mutinied.
There's no way to replace them Unless we hire children or use prison labor.
"Slater's"dead,marc.
Have a cup of tea.
Dead? No.
It's all i've got except for goohair And good clothes,and actually, you know,i'm doing okay.
But what about you? How can you be so calm? You've got nothing.
Because i've moved on to plan "b.
" I've been saving it foa rainy day.
And by god,it's pouring.
(Gasps) what is that? Do you remember after bradford died, I went off to grieve privately? Tell me,doctor, is it true what i' read, That sperm can be removed from a body Up to 48 hours after death and still be viable? Um,that is correct.
Yes.
Well,i wonder if there's a procedure You'd be willing to do for me.
You mean that's in your freezer? I put a pinkberry in there.
It's our future,marc.
If i can't marry into the meade family, I will give birth to an heir.