Ugly Betty s03e01 Episode Script

Last Season On "Ugly Betty" He Says His Name Is Daniel.
You Are His Father.
She Has A Crush On My Gym Teacher.
You're Telling Me That You're Married? I Just Wanted You To Know Because I Feel Like I'm Falling For You .
Oh, Why Did I Agree To Have Wilhelmina's Baby? Christina, You Didn't Have A Choice.
I'm Going To Start A Magazine.
I'm Going To Call It "Hot Flash.
" You're No Longer Editor-In-Chief Of "Mode.
" I Am.
How Could You Do This To Me? We'll Find Something Else For You To Do, But "Mode" Just Isn't It.
Come To Rome With Me.
Yes! What? Will You Marry Me, Betty? I Had A Choice To Make Between Two Guys, And I Was Torn.
And Then It Hit Me, Literally.
A Softball Hit Me.
I'm Sorry.
You're So Special To Me.
And As Much As I Love You, I'm Just Not Ready To Marry You.
I Know How Much You Care About Me, And I Care About You, Too, But Not In That Way, And I Feel Like If I Go To Rome With You, I'm Just Gonna Be Leading You On.
There's Just So Much That I Want To Experience Before I Settle Into A Relationship, For My Life, My Career.
Mom You Never Got The Chance To Find Out Who You Were Without Us.
You Sacrificed Everything So We Would Be Happy.
So I Have To Take This Opportunity And Find Out Who I Am By Myself.
I Don't Know What I'm Gonna Find, But I Know Where I Can Start- The Place You Always Dreamt Of Going.
I Miss You.
Wish Me Luck.
* I Hear A Wind * Whistling Air * Whispering * In My Ear * Boy Mercury * Shootin' Through Every Degree * * Oh, Girl, Dancin' Down Those Dirty And Dusty Trails * * Roam If You Want To * Roam Around The World * Roam If You Want To * Without Anything But The Love We Feel * And This Is Me And Peg Eating Clam Chowder In San Francisco.
That's A Woman? Yes, She's A Woman.
Peg And The Girls Were Bike Riding Cross-Country.
They Were So Inspiring.
All Of These Women Had Survived Illnesses.
I Can't Wait To Get Back To "Mode" And Pitch Their Stories, Along With A Lot Of Other Ideas.
This Is My Idea Binder.
I Started It When I Was On My Trip Because I Have A Lot To Say And A Lot That I Want To Do, And I Feel So Empowered.
Is That Why You Have This Weird Blue Thing Around Your Neck? Well, Yes, This "Weird Blue Thing" Is My Power Animal.
It's A Dove.
It Represents The Feminine Energies Of Peace And Maturity.
Oh, Did Peg Give You That? No.
She Said "Feminine Energy.
" Okay, Okay.
The Whole Point Is That I Came Back With A Plan, And I Want Dad To Hear This.
Where Is He? Dad! Right Here.
Welcome To Flushing Burgers.
May I Take Your Order? You Got A Job? Welcome Home, Mija.
How Was Your Trip? Don't Change The Subject.
When Did You Get A Job? Hey, You Inspired Me.
When You Made That Big Decision To Go On This Trip, I Thought, Maybe I Should Start Cooking Somewhere Other Than This Kitchen.
I'm So Proud Of You.
It Sure Feels Good To Be Back In The Workforce.
And I Like The Cap.
Yeah.
It's Sparkly.
Justin.
I Was Trying To Put The You In Uniform.
You're Gonna Get Me In Trouble.
Now Fix It.
No.
Are You Kidding Me, Papi? I Think It's Sparkly, And It's Got Your Name Don't Be On His Side.
Just Put It Back Guys! I Have Created A Plan For Myself, And I'm Very Eager To Share It With You, So Fasten Your Seat Belts.
Number One-I Am Going To Take On More Responsibility At Work So That Within A Year, I Get A Promotion.
Yay! Number Two- I Am Not Going To Let Any Romantic Entanglements Get In My Way.
And Then Finally, Number Three- I'm Getting My Own Apartment In The City.
Whoo! Dad, Slow Down.
Come On.
Dad, Say Something, Please.
Mija, How Can You Afford An Apartment In Manhattan? I've Been Saving Up, And-And- And I'm Really Good With Money.
I Know It's Not Gonna Be Cheap, But I Can Do It.
I Don't Think You're Ready.
I Am Ready, Dad, And This Trip Has Helped Me Grow Up.
Look, Betty, Life Isn't Easy.
You Know That.
But You Don't Really Know Until You Start Experiencing It.
Yes! Experiencing Things- That's The Whole Point.
You See? Look, You Come Back With All This Talk About Change And Growing Up, And It Just Makes You Sound What? It Makes Me Sound What? Well A Little Naive.
Naive? Yeah.
Well, I'm Glad I Have Your Support.
Betty Between 37, 38.
Morning, Kim.
That's Your Daughter? The One That Works At "Mode" And Went On That Big Trip? Yeah.
Betty.
And Now She's Even Planning On Getting An Apartment In The City.
Okay, Jose.
We Don't Get Paid To Chitchat.
Corporate's Been All Up In My Grill About Hygiene.
So Get Your Gloves On And Clean Those Nasty Toilets.
But I-I Thought I Was On Fryer Today.
Change Of Plan.
Urinal Cakes In The Back.
Okay, "Mode," Get Ready For Betty.
Thank You For Calling The New "Mode" Magazine.
How May I Direct Your Call? Please Hold.
Welcome To The New "Mode" Magazine.
How May I Direct Your Call? Amanda.
Oh My God.
Oh, My God! Oh, Betty! Oh, I Forgot How Big And Bright You Are.
What Are You Doing Here? I Work Here.
My God, It's Freezing.
She Likes It That Way.
It Keeps Everyone Sharp.
She? Mandy, I'm Looking Out For You, But You Gotta Look Busy, Even If You're Doing Nothing, Which Is One Of Your Strengths.
But- Hey, Betty.
Betty! Oh, My God.
Is It Real? Am I Hallucinating? Marc, Stop Touching Me.
It Is Real.
Betty! Aah! Oh! Betty! Like A Long Lost Teddy Bear.
Mm.
Furry.
Why Are You Guys Being So Nice To Me? Because You Remind Us Of The Good Old Days When You Were Here And You'd Say Something Weird Or Wear Something Hideous.
Oh, Like That Thing Around Your Neck.
Oh, There's So Many Things We Could Say About That.
So Many.
Well, I'm Back, So You'll Have Plenty Of Time.
Manolo Blahniks, Fall 2008.
Only One Person In These Offices Wears Those Shoes.
Everyone Look Busy! Aah! What? Welcome To The New "Mode" Magazine.
Daniel? No! Must I Do Everything Myself? This Is Where I Want The Window Shining Light On My Little Angel.
Oh, My.
It's Back.
Where's Daniel? Daniel No Longer Works Here.
What? It's Been Official For Almost A Month Now.
I'm The Editor-In-Chief Of "Mode," And This Office Is Now A Nursery Awaiting The Birth Of My Child.
Well, Where's Daniel? * Yeah, Rump Shaker * All I Wanna Do Is Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom * * And A-Boom Boom * Just Shake Your Rump * All I Wanna Do Is Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom * * And A-Boom Boom * Just Shake Your Rump * All I Wanna Do Is Zoom-A Zoom Zoom Zoom * * And A-Boom Boom * Just Shake Your Rump Sortez De Ma Route! * Just Shake Your Rump Betty.
Hey.
Welcome To Our New Home.
* Check, Baby, Check, Baby, One, Two * ±¾×ÖÄ»½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃ; ³óÅ®±´µÙ µÚÈý¼¾ µÚ1¼¯ ·­Ò룺¸öÈËID У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺¬ ±ó ÎÒ°®Ê¨ÐÄСs So We're Working Here Now? Yeah, Alexis And Wilhelmina Pushed Me Out.
This Is Where I Landed.
But, Daniel, Isn't "Player" A Little Smutty? This Is The Third Best-Selling No Nudity Men's Magazine In The Country, And It's So Much More My Speed.
I Mean, Don't I Look More Relaxed? Totally Relaxed.
Um, Is That A Mustache You're Growing? It's Cool, Huh? Betty, Come On.
I Swear It's So Much Better This Way.
I Still Own My Third Of Meade, But Now I'm In Charge Of A Magazine That Actually Speaks To Me.
Look At This.
You Know What It Says? Uh, Beer Blast? No, It Says, "Cut Down On Your Hours.
Spend More Time With Your Son.
" You Know, I'm Starting To Learn French.
D.
J.
'S Been Learning English From Late Night Tv.
Daniel, I've Been Gone For Almost A Month.
You Couldn't Have Called Me And Told Me That Any Of This Was Happening? Oh, I Did.
Ginger.
Hmm? How Many Messages Did We Leave On Betty's Cell Phone? A Lot.
What Number Were You Calling? This Is Six Numbers And The Letter "P.
" I'm Pretty Sure That's Right.
Well Hey.
I Want You To Meet The Gang.
Come On.
Everyone, Let's Gather Around.
There's Someone I Want You To Meet.
Everyone, This Is My Assistant Betty.
Why Are They Booing Me? Oh, It's All In Fun.
They Boo Everyone.
This Your Beeyotch? It's Okay.
That's A Code Name For "Assistant.
" So How Was Your Trip? Um, It Was Amazing.
I'm So Excited To Be Back And Take Some More Responsibility At Work, But I Kinda Thought That We Would Be Doing That At "Mode.
" Well, You Can Do All That Here.
Okay.
Yeah.
Great.
Okay.
Uh, Daniel, Wait.
What Should I Get Started On? Anything You'd Like.
Just Have Fun.
Ginger, Show Her The Lay Of The Land.
Mm.
I Was Once Voted The Lay Of The Land.
Hmm.
Love Your Perfume, Claire.
Musky.
Bite Me, Wilhelmina.
Alexis.
So I'm Confused.
Is This The Budget For The New "Mode" Launch Or The Next Harry Potter Film? I Know The Marketing Numbers Are A Teensy Bit High, But We Are Pulling "Mode" Out Of A Dark Cloud.
Meaning My Brother.
Well, I Didn't Want To Say Anything, But This Magazine Was Barely Scraping By When Daniel Was Here.
This Is Our Opportunity To Get The Word Out That "Mode" Is New And Improved.
I Can't Do It.
Alexis, Darling, We Need The Splashy Ads, The Giant Billboard In Times Square.
The Giant Billboard Belongs To "Hot Flash.
" That Sinking Ship? Exactly Why It Needs A Billboard.
You Already Have A Name Brand To Work With.
"Hot Flash" Doesn't.
I'm Sorry, Wilhelmina.
I'm Cutting You Off.
W- Y-You.
Wait.
You're-You're Cutting Me Off? You're Cutting Me Off? Hold It In.
Hold It In.
Hold It In.
Hold It In.
Think Wilhelmina's Favorite Things- Macaroons, Sade, Karl Rove.
Hold It.
Hold It.
Here We Go.
Here We Go.
Here We Go.
Out, Out, Out, Out, Out.
Willie, Are You Okay? Say Something, Damn It.
Do You Want Me To Slap You? Okay.
That Won't Be Necessary.
That Sinking Ship Is Gonna Throw Us A Life Preserver.
This Is The Year I Was Supposed To Take On More, Get Ahead.
Daniel's Got Me Doing Nothing.
So Maybe "Player" Magazine Isn't Quite What You Expected, But Neither Was "Mode" When You Started.
Yeah.
You Made That Work.
I Guess You're Right.
Oh! There It Is.
Oh, Thank God For That.
I Am Freakin' Starving.
Although Fair Warning, Falafel Sort Of Makes Me A Bit Gassy.
What? I'm A Pregnant Woman.
I Can Get Away With Saying Things Like That.
Christina, We're Not Eating.
What? Look.
The Next Step In My Plan- Get An Apartment In The City.
Okay, Well, We Didn't Even Make It Upstairs.
Eh, You'll See It Next Time.
Oh, Really? Mm-Hmm.
Your Dad Pulling Any More All-Day Shifts This Week? I Don't Know.
Work's Been Kinda- Papi! That's Not Funny.
Sorry.
Okay.
Maybe That's A Little Funny.
Okay.
Don't Do That Again.
I Won't.
I Promise Okay, What Is That? Um, That's My Wife's Ringtone.
Look, Maybe We Should Talk About Things.
Ay.
No, No, No.
I Don't Want To Talk About It.
Yeah, And Where They're Going And- Hilda.
I Love Being With You.
I Do.
I- I Haven't Felt This Way In Such A Long Time.
You Know, I Went Through Something That Was Really Hard I Know.
And I Just-I Just- I Just Want To Be Happy.
I Don't Want To Think About The Future.
Yeah, But The Future Could Be Amazing Between Us.
I Told You How Bad Things Are With Her.
I Mean, We Got Married When We Were Both 20.
We're Not The Same People Anymore.
We Both Know It's Over.
Oh, My God.
It's Yellow.
Yeah, It Is.
It's Perfect.
Betty, No.
You Don't Want To Say That Too Loud.
Someone Else Might Want It.
Too Bad About The Murder That Happened In The Apartment, Though, Hey? One Bedroom.
It's Pet Friendly.
Close To All Trains, Tiled Bathrooms, Plenty Of Closets.
Look At The Price.
A Bit Expensive, Though, Isn't It? Yeah, I Know, But Maybe I Could Eat Ramen Twice A Week Or-Or Do Some More Overtime.
It Would Be A Challenge.
I'm Ready For That.
That's What My Trip Taught Me.
I Can Take Any Challenge Head-On And That I- Oh.
Ooh.
Oh, My God, Christina.
Look.
It's My Power Animal.
It's A Pigeon.
It's A Sign.
I Have To Do This.
I'm Meant To Do This.
Christina, I Have To Do This.
Okay, Betty.
If You Think You Really Want To Do It, You've Got To Go Straight Over To That Real Estate Agent, And You've Got To Tell Her You Want This Apartment Right Now.
Okay.
Yes, I Will.
I'll Take It! I'll Take It.
What? Oh, No.
No, No.
No.
Excuse Me.
I'm Sorry, But This Apartment Is Supposed To Be Mine.
I Mean, You Can't Just Give It Away Like That, Can You? Welcome To The Big Apple.
You Want A Place, You Have To Act Fast.
Seriously, That Fast? It's A Gut Thing, Honey.
I Have A Gut.
I- I Mean, I'm Ready.
I'm Ready For This.
I Just- I Just Need An Apartment.
You Must Have Some Other Places That You Could Show Me.
Well, There's Something Else In This Building.
It Hasn't Come On The Market Yet.
Okay.
Uh, Is It-Is It Nice? Exactly Like This One, But A Higher Floor, So Even Better.
Sexy Views.
That Sounds Amazing.
Can I See It? I Can't Legally Show It Till The Agency Lists It Tomorrow, And Technically, I'm Supposed To Have An Open House Like This One, And You Saw How Fast - I'll Take It! Oh, No.
I Don't Know.
Um, Are You Sure? Yes, I'm Sure.
My Power Animal Is Sitting In The Window.
I'll Take It.
All Right, Signed Lease, First, Last And Security.
Okay.
Can You Take A Check? Congratulations.
My First New York City Apartment.
I Have An Apartment! I Have An Apartment! Yes, I Know! It's Great! Let's Go Out And Celebrate With Some Falafel.
Are You Really Gonna Walk Up And Down Five Flights Of Stairs Every Day? Yeah.
It'll Just Be My Exercise For The Day, And Then I Don't Have To Go To The Gym.
You Don't Go To The Gym.
Then I Don't Have To Start.
Oh, The Key.
Apartment 5g.
Are You Ready Uh-Huh.
To See Betty Suarez's First Apartment In The-Aah! Oh, My God.
I Don't Understand.
It Was Supposed To Look Exactly Like The Other Apartment I Saw.
Whoa.
Wait A Minute.
You Didn't See It Before You Rented It? It Was Occupied.
By A Corpse? It's Okay.
It's Okay.
It Just- It Needs A Little T.
L.
C.
You Know What? The Real Estate Agent Said That It Had Sexy Views.
Okay.
That Is Not Sexy Or Sanitary.
How Much Money Did You Put Into All Of This? Betty? Everything.
My Entire Savings Account.
I Can't Believe This! That Is The Stupidest, Most Irresponsible You Know, Papi Is Not Making A Lot, And My Salon Is Not Doing That Great And With The Cost Of Gas These Days You Don't Have A Car.
You Know What I'm Saying.
We Are Struggling As It Is, And You Throw All Your Money Away On This? I Can Fix This.
How? How Are You Gonna Fix This? I'm Calling Papi.
What? Hilda.
No, No, No, No, No.
Don't You Dare.
Why? Hilda, Give Me That.
Just Give Me The Phone.
Get Off.
Just Let Me Fix This On My Own.
I Mean, She Never Let Me See The Apartment.
That Was A Little Tricky, Don't You Think? Okay, Call Me Back.
Betty Suarez, 5g.
Thank You.
What's Going On? I Got An Apartment, But It's A Disaster.
I'm Working On It.
Why Don't You Come In The Conference Room For A Minute? I'm Stuck.
D.
J.
, You Put The Glue On My Seat.
Ha Ha! Very Funny! Daniel.
What? Come On.
He's Being A Kid.
It-It's Funny.
Look.
This Will Make You Feel Better.
I Promise.
Oh, Come On.
You Can't Just Boo People.
I Got Great News For You.
I Showed Uno Here Your Idea Binder.
Awesome Stuff.
I Really Dug Those Victim Chicks On Wheels.
Wow.
Really? And It Inspired Our Fall Cover.
Shut Up.
Strong Women Bicycling Across The Country? Actually, It's Gonna Be Six Hot Girls On Motorcycles T.
Riding Through The Biggest Party Towns In Our Country.
But That's Not My Idea.
See, Uh, We Don't Like Disease.
- Boo! - Or Old Women.
- Boo! - Uno, They're 40.
Betty, There's A Perfect Tie-In, Okay? The Harley Show In Brooklyn Tomorrow.
We're Gonna Introduce The Biker Chicks Of "Player.
" And Because It Was Your Original Concept, I Think You Should Head Up The Event.
Betty, You Asked For More Responsibility.
This Is Gonna Open Up A Whole New Market For Us.
Fine.
Yes.
Okay.
I Said Gingham And You Give Me Japanese Floral Garden Kimonos? More Like Ki-No-Nos.
And Dragon Prints, Margaret? Really? Dragon Prints? After All These Years? And Thank You, Rodrigo, For The Gift Of White Face Kabuki Makeup.
You Really Put The Gay In Geisha.
You Should All Kill Yourselves.
This Is The Most Important Issue Of "Mode" Ever, People.
Come Back With Something Fresh Or Don't Bother Coming Back At All.
- Now Get Out.
- Shame On You.
- Here She Comes.
Make The Call.
- Okay.
What Now, Willie? "Mode" Need A Helicopter Pad On The Roof? Alexis, I Just Wanted To Apologize For Our Little Tiff.
I Will Work With Whatever Budget You See Fit.
Regis, Kelly, Line One.
Hmm.
I Wonder What That Could Be About.
Regis, Kelly.
Oh, Hello, Gelman.
What Is It? Well, Sure, I Can Do The Show, But, Uh, Only If I Can Bring My Partner, Alexis Meade.
- No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Uh, - Alexis, It's The Perfect Opportunity To Do Something Together As A Team.
Plus, We Can Use The Free Publicity With Our Limited Resources.
Okay, I'll Do It.
Gelman, We're In.
Oh, God, What Am I Gonna Wear?! Like Taking Candy From A Tranny.
Yep.
No, I-I Totally Understand.
It's Just-It's Not Fair Because I Didn't Know That Was The Apartment I Was Getting.
"L," You're On The Sportster Model.
Can You Trade Places? Well, Could I At Least Get My Money Back? Could You Put Your Hair Up So We Could See The Letter More Clearly? No, Not You.
I Can't See Your Hair, But You Know What? I'm Sure It Looks Great.
Okay, Look, Could You Just Send Somebody To-To Fix It Up Or To Clean It Or Something? Really? What Time? Yes.
Okay.
I'll Be There.
- Today.
Okay.
Bye.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What Are You Two Doing Here? Marc Wanted To See All The Girls In Bikinis.
Actually, We Heard You Were Gonna Be Here, And We Just Know You're Gonna Do Something Amazingly Awful - And Embarrassing.
- And We Wanted To See It Happen.
You Know, For Old Times Sake.
Well, I'm Sorry To Disappoint You, But Nothing Is Going To Happen, So If You'll Excuse Me D.
J.
! Daniel.
Come On.
It's Just Silly String.
It's Not Broken Glass.
- You Gotta Learn To Laugh At Yourself.
-Should He Even Be Here? Why Not? Look, I'm Gonna Be A Cool Dad.
- I Don't Want To Be Like My Father.
- Well, You Don't Have To Be Like Your Father, But He Did Come Here Looking For A Father, - So Some Boundaries Wouldn't Hurt.
- Betty? Betty, Betty, Betty.
Major 4-1-1.
Or Is It 9-1-1 That's Emergency? I Always Get Those Confused.
Anyway, We Just Lost "R.
" - What? - The "R" Girl, To Spell "Player.
" D.
J.
Sprayed Silly String In Her Eyes, And She Got All Freaked Out And Went Home, - And Now We're A Girl Short.
- Okay, Hogs And Heifers.
Get Ready As We Launch The "Player" Girls - On The Latest And Greatest Choppers.
- Okay.
Uh, L-Let Me Think.
Uh, What Should We Do? Daniel, I'll Figure This Out.
It's My Responsibility.
- You Take Care Of D.
J.
- Oh! We're Back Now With Wilhelmina And Alexis.
So Nice To Have You Here.
It Is Such An Honor To Be At The Helm As We Relaunch The New And Improved "Mode.
" And Wilhelmina Is Doing A Great Job.
Yeah, We Should Mention For The People In Our Audience Who Don't Know, Wilhelmina Took Over "Mode" From Alexis' Brother, Daniel Meade.
So What's The Deal With That? What Kind Of Show Are You Running Over There, Alexis? Uh, Uh, Daniel Just Decided To Work Where His Skills Would Be Better Utilized.
- Tell Us About This New Magazine, "Hot Flash.
" - Oh, Is That What This Is? - I Thought It Was Some Kind Of Joke.
- It's My Mother's Pet Project.
"Hot Flash"- I Just Got It.
It's Like Menopause.
It's A Magazine About Lady Business.
I Know It's Real, But I Don't Necessarily Want To Read About It.
Oh, My God.
Look At This.
"Brittle And Horny- Afraid Your Bones Will Crack In The Sack?" Been There, Done That.
Oh, Yeah.
"P," Come On.
"L.
" "A.
" "Y " All Right, You Can Do This.
You Can Do Anything.
You're A Dove, A Kick-Ass Dove, Just Facing Another Challenge.
It's Like A Bike, Just Bigger.
Betty! "R!" - Aah! - Look Out! Oh, My God! Oh! Careful! Help! I'm Okay.
Beyond My Wildest Dreams.
Magic.
Call 4-1-1.
I Can't Believe They Criticized One Of Our Magazines That Way.
I Wonder Whether That Reaction Was Just The Tip Of The Iceberg.
- Have You Seen The Latest Sales Figures? - I Know, But I Think It Has Long-Term Potential, And It's My Mother's Dream.
I Had A Thought, A Way Of Stopping The Bleeding And Helping "Mode.
" Look, I've Had A Really Rough Day, And I'm Still Waiting For That Handyman.
A- A Couple Minutes? Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I- I-I Can Wait.
Thanks.
Thank You For Calling.
Our Offices Are Now Closed.
What? No.
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Aah! No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Don't Do That.
No, Stop.
You're My Power Animal.
Oh, Gosh.
Aah! Aah! Hi, Hilda.
Hi.
We Got A Problem.
Meet Me At Flushing Burger, And Don't Say A Word To Papi.
Hilda, If Dad Says We Shouldn't Get Involved, Maybe We Shouldn't Get Involved.
Nuh-Uh.
This Manager Has Been Giving Him Crap All Week And Then Cuts His Shifts.
I Don't Think So.
- And What Is Up With Your Hair? It Looks Like A Bird's Nest.
- It's A Long Story.
Listen, If Push Comes To Shove, I'm Ready To Kick Her Ass.
- I Got My Big Ring On.
- Hilda, There Will Be No Ass Kicking.
Let's Just Find Out What The Problem Is.
- I'm Sure We Can Fix It.
- Okay, So Once You're Done With This One, - You Can Take The Old Ones Out And Put The New Ones In.
- Oh, My God.
That's Kimmie Keegan.
- Get Behind The Human Shield! - She Tortured Me In High School.
She's Pure Evil.
You Sure You Don't Want Me To Kick Her Ass? Stand By.
- Hello, Kimmie.
- Long Time No See, Betty.
- So You're The Manager Here? - Actually, It's On-Site Senior Executive In Charge Of Food Operations.
Well, Then I Guess You're Exactly The Person I Need To Talk To.
You See, It Seems That You Have Cut Back My Father's Hours Recently.
Um, Yeah, Pretty Much.
He's A Slacker.
Um, No, He's Not.
He's A Very Hardworking, Good Person.
Oh.
Then He Must Just Be Getting Old.
- I Mean, How Old Is He, Like, 100? - Ooh, Just Say The Word, Betty.
- Take It Back.
- Nope.
All Right, Kimmie, Don't Push Me.
I Have Had A Very Hard Day, And You No Idea What I Am Capable Of.
Well, I'm Not A Cheeseburger, So I Know You're Not Gonna Eat Me.
- Oh, No, You Didn't.
- Oh, Yes, I Did It.
And It Felt Good.
No.
What Are You Doing? No! Sorry.
That's It.
That Is It.
You Are Going Down, Bitch! Well, I Guess If We All Have To Work Late, We Can At Least Enjoy A Little Family Dinner Together, Right? I Cannot Believe The Gall Of Regis And Kelly, Spewing That Garbage.
"Hot Flash" Serves A Growing And Diverse Demographic.
We Need A Forum - To Discuss Aging, Menopause, Personal Dryness.
- Uh, Mom.
Actually, Mom, There Is Something About "Hot Flash" That We Need To Discuss.
D.
J.
, No Cake.
Come On.
- Hey.
DéJEuner First, Then Dessert, Right? - Je Veux Ma GâTEau.
No.
Come On.
What Are You Do- Give Me The Hey, That Is Not Funny.
Apologize To Your Aunt Right Now.
No, It's Fine.
Chocolate On Silk-That'll Come Out.
What Has Gotten Into You? - Finish Your Dinner.
- Je Pas Faim.
Fine.
You're Not Hungry? Go Do Your English Homework.
D.
J.
, I'm Not Messing Around.
Right Now.
Go.
Now! Well, Isn't This A Lovely Evening? - Pig Latin! - Aah! Dirty Skank! - Oh! - The Shirt! Not The Shirt! You Mean, Mean Person! - What Is That? I Don't Even - It Doesn't Come Naturally To Everyone.
- Whoa! Whoa! - Enough.
Enough.
- Aah! You, You, Get Out.
She Started It.
- It Was Her! - Kpyeah, Get Out And Tell Your Old Man He's Fired.
Hey, Let's Go.
How Do You Like Me Now, Ugly Betty? Any Sign Of Him? He Locked Himself In There And Won't Come Out.
I Shouldn't Have Yelled At Him.
I Used To Hate Dad When He Yelled At Me.
I Never Got Over It.
Now My Own Kid Hates Me.
He Doesn't Hate You, Darling.
He's Just Testing You.
Daniel, This Boy Has Lost Everything, His Mother, His Home In France.
Now You Can Yell At Him.
You're Going To Have To Sometimes, But As Long As He Knows You're Gonna Be There For Him Tomorrow, It's Okay.
Hello? Yes, This Is Claire.
What? - You Killed "Hot Flash.
" - I Didn't Kill It.
I Downsized It.
Mm-Hmm, And I Had To Find Out From An Assistant At The Office.
I Was Gonna Tell You At Dinner, - Right Before The Cake Attack.
- Oh.
Look, It Makes Economic Sense To Turn "Hot Flash" Into A Quarterly Or An Insert.
- A Flyer? - An Insert.
Lots Of Magazines Do This.
You Know, You Think You're The One Making These Decisions, But You're Just Doing Wilhelmina's Bidding.
First She Pushed Your Brother Aside, Now My Magazine.
Pretty Soon, It'll Be You.
Here You Go, Sweetie.
Mira.
Hmm? I'm So Sorry, Dad.
Ah, Please.
There Are Other Jobs.
Better Jobs.
What Happened To You Today? Everything.
Everything Happened To Me Today.
It's Like I Totally Regressed.
Oh, Mijita.
I Acted Like A Child With Kimmie.
I Got Duped On This Apartment.
It Is So Awful, Dad.
I Didn't Even Want To Tell You.
And My Job-Ugh! It's A Giant Step Backward.
Stupid Power Animal.
You Were Right, Dad.
I Was Being Naive.
I Thought I Grew Up On This Trip, But Obviously, I Haven't.
You're Right.
Can't You See? You're Doing It Now.
Growing Up Isn't About Making The Right Decisions.
It's About Dealing With The Decisions You've Made And Picking Yourself Up.
Ah, It's Not Easy, But I Know You, Betty.
Te Conozco.
You Can Do It.
And Right Now, These Things, These Moments This Is Growing Up.
What Do You Want? I Came To Apologize.
Look, I Acted Like A Child Yesterday.
I'm Sorry.
I Guess I'm Still Upset over The Way You Treated Me In High School.
- You Were Such A Bully.
- Nice Apology.
Sorry.
Look, Kimmie, I Know You Hate Me, But Don't Take It Out On My Dad.
He Really Needs This Job.
I Don't Hate You.
I'm Just Jealous.
Wait.
You're Jealous Of Me? You've Got An Apartment In The City, A Great Job And Your Dad's All Proud Of You.
Me? Everything Went Downhill After High School.
I Mean, I'm Working At This Dump, I Still Live At Home, I've Got A Boyfriend That I Kind Of Hate, And I'm Tired All The Time, And I Looked It Up On The Internet, And I'm 98% Sure That I've Got Lyme Disease.
- Whatever You Do, Don't Have Sex In The Woods On Fire Island.
- I Won't.
Look, The Worst Part Is, I Just Feel Like Nothing's Ever Gonna Change.
Kimmie Look, There Are So Many Days Where I Feel Exactly The Same Way, But It Gets Better, And It Can For You, Too.
You Just Have To Be Willing To Do Something About It.
Take A Leap.
Don't Be Afraid To Fall Flat On Your Face.
Believe Me, I Do It Every Day.
Well, I've Got To Get This Place Ready Before It Opens.
Hey, Betty.
Tell Ignacio To Be Here At Noon.
- He Can Have His Job Back? - He's The Best Guy I've Got On The Fryer, And I Can't Afford To Lose Him.
Oh, Thank You.
Thank You, Kimmie.
Papa? Hey.
Uh, I Was Waiting For You To Come Out, But I Guess I Fell Asleep.
I'M SORRY.
Listen Things Between Us They're Not Always Gonna Be Great.
Pas Si Bon.
But I'm Your Father, You Are My Son, And We're In This Together.
Ensemble.
So Even When I Have To Say No Je T'aime Beaucoup.
I Love You, Too.
Oh, Taste The Watermelon.
All Right, Okay.
All Right, That's Enough.
This Is Not Funny.
You Guys Are Acting Like A Bunch Of Idiots.
Actually, It's Pretty Funny.
And, Yes, They Are Idiots, Which Is Exactly Why You Should Put It On The "Player" Web Site - And Then Leak It Online.
- Betty, Come On.
No, I'm Serious.
You Want To Get More Readers? Then Appeal To Your Demographic- Who Respond To This Type Of Humor.
Um, She's Right.
We Do Respond To That.
I Told You She Was Good.
Okay.
Okay, Okay.
I Think I Like The Booing Better.
- Gah! - What Are You Guys Doing Here? - We Figured You Need Some Help.
- Major.
- Hello.
- Oh.
Sorry About The Whistle, But You Scared Me.
That's So Sweet.
Thank You.
You're Welcome.
Oh, Thank You.
Surprise.
Listen, I Am Really Sorry That I Was So Hard On You The Other Day.
'Cause You're My Kid Sister.
I'm So Proud Of You.
You've Accomplished So Much, And I Just- I Wish I Could Get My Crap Together Like You.
- Hilda, You Have Your Crap Together.
- Ay.
You-You Have The Salon, Which Is About To Take Off, And You Found This Perfect Guy.
Oh, Yeah.
He's Not That Perfect.
Really? Tell Me One Thing That's Not Perfect About The Coach.
See? You Can't Even Think Of One.
Oh, My Gosh.
What Are You Making Me? Curtains.
My Dame's On Broadway.
You Know I'm A Triple Threat.
Yes, An Editor, A Diva And Well, A Threat.
Remind Me To Give Kelly Ripa A Gift Basket.
She Really Came Through For Us.
She's As Reliable As She Is Fertile.
Check.
New York City-Check.
"No More Romantic Entanglements.
" Hello! Can We Talk? Hi.
Um, Hi.
I'm Sorry.
Was I Playing Too Loud? - 'Cause I'm Practicing For A Gig Tomorrow.
- Oh, No.
I Mean, A Little Loud, But, You Know, If You're Practicing, Then I Could Just Wear Earplugs Or Something.
I'm Your New Neighbor.
Um, 5g.
Oh.
I'm Glad You Stopped By, Actually, 'Cause I Think This Might Have Fallen Out Of Your Stuff.
Oh, My God.
I Didn't Even Know I'd Lost This.
- Thank You So Much.
- It Suits You.
Yeah.
I Guess It Does.
Okay.
Thank You.
Sure.
Oh, Wait.
Um, What Does The "B" Stand For? Oh, Um, Betty.
Betty, Well, It's Nice To Meet You.
I'm Jesse.
Ooh.
Strong Handshake.
Yeah.
Okay, I'll See You Around, Neighbor.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll See You Around.
* Well, She Was An American Girl * * Raised On Promises * Yeah, And If She Had To Die Tryin' * * She Had One Little Promise She Was Gonna Keep * * Oh, Yeah * All Right * Take It Easy, Baby * Make It Last All Night * Make It Last All Night * She Was An American Girl » Ó­¼ÓÈë