Uncoupled (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

Chapter 4

Hey, FloJo,
can you slow down a second?
You know, this could be why I'm one of
Manhattan Magazine's 50 most eligible men,
and you're not.
It's amazing how many times that comes up
in a mile and a half.
Are you coming to the event tonight?
I'm not the only homo on the list.
You could snag
an eligible single of your own.
Is Stanley gonna be there?
It's Friday.
He's got his table for one somewhere.
PS, if I ever start taking myself out
to hot new restaurants on Friday nights
and posting pics of my lonely Negroni,
please reintroduce me to my dick.
Hah. Deal.
And, just asking
when is this teen girl nonsense
between you two going to end?
What? It's not nonsense.
He fucking betrayed me.
W Would you have gone
to a dinner party at Colin's
the week after he kicked me to the curb?
- No!
- Well
But only partly out of loyalty to you.
Your boy was a little dull.
- Bam!
- Seriously? You always thought that?
Oh no. We are not doing that.
- Just make sure you come tonight.
- Wha
I'll try. I've got a busy workday
and lunch with my mom.
I'm gonna finally tell her
that Colin left.
Oh, damn.
Doesn't she love Colin?
Yeah, for his looks and his money.
She's deep that way.
Hundred bucks says
she was at that dinner party.
Wait, wait, wait
Whew! That salad was overrated, right?
It's crazy. The Times gushes,
like the chef reinvented the Nicoise,
everybody trips over themselves
to go try it, and then it's like,
"It was fine! It's a tuna salad.
People, take a chill pill."
"Chill pill?" Mom, don't say chill pill.
That's not okay.
Chillax, honey. I didn't mean
to offend your super hip ears.
What is going on with you?
All day, you've either been monosyllabic
or kind of a bitch.
Did I do something?
No, I'm sorry. It's not you. I just
I have something big to tell you,
and it's harder than I thought.
Colin left.
Left where?
Left me.
He walked out,
took all his shit,
and dumped me in a text.
No. No, this can't be.
No, you seemed so in love
at the birthday party.
What did you do?
Did you cheat?
Uh Of course not!
This makes no sense! Think back.
Did you do something to push him away?
No. Jesus, believe me, I keep
asking myself the same question,
but it'd be nice if it wasn't
the first thing my mother went to.
Okay, Mom, you don't have to get hyster
- Michael! Down here!
- Mom?
Oh my God. Are you okay?
I'm alive!
But I'm very disappointed in you!
- The hospital just sent her home?
- Yeah. She's banged up, but she's okay.
Dad's there.
I'll check in on her a bit later.
The kitchen has a breakfast nook
and a walk-in pantry, so
Oh my God.
She's back early.
Careful. You scuff a wall,
you're telling Claire.
I'd like to keep my balls,
thank you very much.
Stanley! Wow!
- Nice surprise.
- Yes, for all of us, huh?
Hello, Michael.
Claire bought a piece
at the Sayre Gomez show,
and I wanted
to supervise the installation.
Whatever you need to do.
He's just hurting, you know.
I do, but come on, we're almost 50.
Girl, didn't I go to your 50th,
like, two years ago?
Shut up, Suzanne. Everybody shaves.
I'd like to get a peek
at your driver's license sometime.
Okay, we've been friends for 20 years.
I know you're going through a lot,
but are we seriously
not even going to talk?
When you betray people,
they often don't wanna talk to you.
Okay, come on.
"Betray" is a pretty dramatic word.
- Can you even let me ex
- Ah I'm in the middle of a showing.
It's super perfume-y in here.
I'm so sorry.
No, no. it's great. I'll call you back.
We just got an offer.
- Really?
- Yes!
From who? Whom? Wait.
It doesn't matter!
Someone from last week's open house.
It's a smidge under asking,
but I bet we can get Claire on board.
- You think? Oh my God.
- Yes!
I need this. I'm so excited!
- Me too! I'm all tingly down there.
- Oh-ho!
You see that text?
She says she's coming up the block.
- Oh God, I hope she takes this offer.
- Yeah.
Second notice on the liquor bill
for Colin's party.
Based on this, everyone there
should've died of alcohol poisoning.
He should really
help you out with that.
Tell him you need some cash.
Oh, believe me, I'd love to,
but how could I ask him for money
without sounding like a pathetic loser?
Like this. "Bitch, you wanna leave?
The price is half your shit."
- Hey.
- God!
Why are you jumping up at me like that
the second I walk in the door?
It gives me flashbacks
to when I had to raise my children.
Sorry. We're just all worked up
because we got a great offer.
- It's a bit under asking, but
- No.
I am not taking less than asking
just so my cradle-robbing ex-husband
can jump-start his bloated new life.
Yes, he's fatter now.
Who knew that he could shack up
with his Pilates instructor
and somehow end up
with an even bigger ass?
- But
- Me. I knew.
I hear you, but we've had dozens
of showings, and this is the only bite.
And our asking price
might actually be a little high
for the comps in this neighborhood.
That is all gobbledygook to me.
There have been a lot of showings, Claire,
and this is the only offer we've gotten.
A comp in the building
did sell at this price.
Okay. I get what you're saying.
But I don't want
to upend my whole life here
when the right buyer may come along later.
I mean, I have time.
Where am I even going?
Actually, um you have a good point.
Is it possible
you might be holding on to your old life
because it's hard to picture a new one?
What if we showed you some apartments
and gave you an idea of how great
your life would be once this is all over?
It could help you let go emotionally.
Do we have this kind of relationship?
I get it, though.
Like, with Colin,
when I think ahead to Christmas,
I dread doing it without him.
But then I remember Colin only
let us have white lights on our tree.
So this year,
I am doing colors, which I like.
Point being, when I let myself
imagine a fun life without him,
I do feel better.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Okay, so I say
we give you a fresh new start.
Somewhere totally different
with no bad memories.
What about downtown?
Downtown is for restaurants.
Not for living.
Come on, Claire, change it up.
I could totally see you in a sexy loft,
downtown, living your best life.
And wouldn't it be nice
to walk to the corner
and not be reminded of places you went
with your morbidly obese ex-husband?
You do make it sound fun.
You know, there's a place
I think you will love.
And I bet we could get in this afternoon.
Yes. I think I can make that work.
I'm free at 5:00.
- Let's order.
- Yes.
Oh, I'm not eating here.
The food is terrible.
Hey, it's me!
In my room, honey!
What, Mike?
- Uh, stop in the kitchen first!
- Uh, I wanna check in on Mom.
Uh, no, wait. Mike. Mikey!
I, uh, think your dad
was trying to warn you that I'm here.
- Makes sense. Hi.
- Hi.
Uh Sorry, Colin.
It's just that we only learned today
what's going on with you two.
So, Mom, did you tell Colin that you fell
so that he would come over?
No, he came over on his own, thank you.
I'm still on the family text thread.
I read it there.
And saw a pretty appetizing picture
of your lunch salads.
Oh, they were fine.
I just wanted to make sure
that your mom was okay.
Which I really appreciate.
Such a lovely gesture, coming over here.
FYI, you know,
Ben and I took some time off once
when he was sleeping with his secretary.
- I was not
- Mom.
Please stop saying that.
I just wanted space.
Yes, space between another woman's legs.
It's fine. We're fine now!
I mean, these things happen,
and you never think about them again.
All right. Well, I should go.
I'm glad you're feeling okay, Lisa.
- Nice to see you, Michael.
- Yeah, you too. Maybe.
I'm not sure yet.
- Don't be a stranger.
- See you soon!
"You too, maybe?" What is wrong with you?
- I don't
- Clearly, he still cares about you.
- Go after him, fix this!
- He never even told me why he left.
You're not gonna find out in here,
knucklehead. Go!
Colin? Hey. Hey!
I just, um Hi.
I just wanted to, uh, say sorry
for the dumb goodbye.
It's, uh
- I still don't know how to act yet.
- I get it. Me either.
Oh. That's weirdly comforting.
Thanks for checking in on Mom.
That was sweet of you.
Oh, of course.
I spent 17 years with your family.
I care about them. That won't change.
I won't forget one of the five women
who've seen me naked.
Oh my God.
In that creepy house
that my sister rented on the Jersey Shore.
I get shivers thinking about your mother
accidentally walking in on me
in the shower.
Accidentally, my ass!
She knew you were in there.
So how's work? I hear
the market's pretty strong these days.
Yeah, sure.
You need anything?
No, I'm good.
I think I have a big sale comin' up, so
Oh, that's great. I'm not worried.
You're the best.
All right, I really gotta go.
Dog's been locked away for hours now.
Do dog?
You're joking. You got a dog?
Can we please end
on the nice moment we just had?
Uh, if you want a nice moment,
don't tell me that you just got a dog
when I always wanted us to have a dog,
and you said you never ever wanted a dog.
Did you get an Eames lounge chair now too,
or is that still a tired gay cliché?
What about cilantro?
- Suddenly delicious?
- No matter what I say,
you always have the biggest feelings.
Was that it? My feelings were too big?
I still don't know what happened with us.
- I'm not doing this now.
- You're not
- And I'm not gonna be yelled at.
- Wh
I'm not yelling! I'm confused!
This is my very confused voice!
And the Eames chair is a classic!
- Hey, sorry to be so late.
- It's cool. Claire's upstairs.
She asked
for some time alone in the loft.
Either she really can't stand me,
or she's poopin'.
What's wrong?
You love a snooty lady pooping joke.
Sorry, I ran into Colin at my mother's.
He got a dog.
- What? After you
- Yeah.
- And he kept sayin'
- Uh-huh.
Oh, I'm officially out of the fan club.
I don't hate it.
Can't argue with the views.
It has a sexy feel that I would have loved
when I was young and gorgeous.
- Stop. You're gorgeous.
- You're gorgeous.
I mean gorgeous to men.
You know what I mean.
Divorced, middle-aged lady moves
to downtown in a feeble attempt to be hip?
That's what people
are going to be saying.
No, they won't. And why don't we
continue this conversation
at a party
for Manhattan's most eligible men?
- It's just up the block.
- Oh Can I go home and change first?
- No.
- No.
I'm not good but you already know ♪
I make music for the kids, you know ♪
Bad-ass, frickin' let's hit the flow ♪
- Thank you.
- One second.
They're small.
- So small.
- No judgment.
Oh! There's Billy.
- I'm gonna go tell him that we're here.
- Mm-mm!
No, no. No. Wh
So this is your plan
to get me to accept the offer?
Hook me up with some eligible bachelor,
show me that there's life
after being left.
We just want you to have a good time,
feel some hope.
And, come on, we've read the books,
we've heard the songs.
You don't need a man
to move on with your life.
Good thing. They're not exactly lining up
for a divorced mother of a certain age.
I heard that.
I mean, there is a line, but it's a little
more urgent care than velvet rope.
Wait, you have children?
That's so odd. I picture you alone.
Well, not sad alone, but independent.
Thank you for clarifying.
Uh, and I do have a son, yeah.
Kai. He's 25.
Never married. I
I took a summer off
to backpack through Europe,
and had a lot of fun.
Like a lot a lot.
Kai's dad is one of three men
that I had no idea how to find in 1997.
My God!
Your life is that horrendous ABBA movie.
Except my life has Black people in it.
You got it.
That's much better. Thank you!
- Hey!
- Oh, hey!
Yo, my people, this is Michael.
- Hey.
- Hi, hi.
My best friend of many years.
He's newly eligible himself,
and any of you would be lucky to have him.
Trust me. I've had him.
Years ago, when we were children.
Like everyone Billy dates now.
- Ah!
- You didn't tell me he was cute and funny.
Oh! Dive right in, okay.
Michael, this is Alex.
He's on the eligible men's list too.
Oh, cool. Congratulations.
Alex has a big podcast
about climate change from an LGBTQ angle.
It's called Emissions Control.
How funny is that?
Ah, yeah, that is funny.
So why are you newly eligible?
My partner dumped me on his 50th birthday
at a surprise party I'm still paying off.
Damn. Are you serious?
Sorry for eavesdropping.
That sounds rough.
It was. But we don't wanna
talk about that right now, do we?
I ran into him today, by the way,
and, um, found out
that he bought himself a dog.
- Oh.
- Can you fucking believe that?
I always wanted a dog, but he refused.
Now that he's single, he is all about
rushing home to walk a stupid dog.
- Jesus.
- That's so cold.
We're really doing this?
You know,
Pierce Brosnan once hit on me
in the first-class lounge at Heathrow.
But I've been faithful
for some goddamn reason.
Oh, you shoulda hit that.
Trust me, I pictured it more than once
while Jabba the Husband
was squirming around on top of me.
Oh my God!
- Oh!
- You know
- This is fun.
- Mm! This is fun.
You're fun.
I have to say,
I thought you didn't like me.
No. I'm just chilly
with people who work for me.
- Ah.
- And also with family and friends.
And Stanley kept the whole dinner party
a secret, which is such a huge betrayal!
- Huge!
- Sorry, that's awful.
Thank you. It means a lot
that you guys get it.
Yeah, of course.
But don't worry, you're cute.
You have a good job. You'll do fine.
You know what you need?
To get out of your head
and into your body,
possibly with a not crazy,
STD-free couple on PrEP.
Did you say couple?
I thought you were an eligible man.
No, no, Luis and I
have been together for years.
But single's better for the brand.
He doesn't care,
and we get to be single together.
So what do you say?
Maybe Alex and I
licking your wounds for a night
could turn that frown upside down?
Yeah. We don't want you to be sad.
Wait. Are you offering me
a pity three-way?
- Well, we feel bad for you.
- So, yes, Okay, um pass.
I'm not really feeling
a charity fuck tonight,
but, um, good luck, and, um,
thanks, I guess?
You know, I was at that party
where they broke up.
Just awful.
It's been very, very hard on all of us.
How can I put it? You put me on ♪
I even fell for that stupid love song ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
Get it, get it, hey!
- You two sure seem to be having fun.
- Oh, you know it!
I think it is time for me to go!
- Good night, both of you.
- Oh!
Thank you so much.
- Tonight was very needed.
- But since you've been gone ♪
- You all right to get home?
- Yes.
- All right.
- I can breathe for the first time ♪
Do you really think that's the best price
I'll get on the apartment?
We we do.
We think it's a very valid offer.
Exactly. In this market?
I understood her.
I trust your judgment.
I'll sign the things and do the stuff.
- Seriously?
- Really?
Onwards, motherfuckers, onwards.
- It worked! How did that work?
- Honey, you know I'm magic!
Since you've been gone ♪
Thank you, thank you, my chickens!
Mwah! Mwah!
- I'll be back in just a moment!
- Holy shit!
I think that drag queen
was our couples therapist.
Man, it really is a gig economy.
Dr. Sweeny.
Oh, hello, Michael.
You should know, Colin walked out on me
right after our session with you.
A session you described as a terrific
first step to falling in love again.
I'm so sorry you're hurting, Michael.
But I'm not a psychic. I'm a therapist.
Maybe you're a better drag queen.
Drag performer,
who has to take the stage again
in 15 minutes,
so how about you take
the bitter divorcé shit down a notch, huh?
Wow! Wow, what a professional way
for a therapist to speak to an ex-patient.
But I'm not a therapist
right now.
I'm Miss Communication.
And I can say
whatever the fuck I want to you
when you come for me about my job,
which I am very good at, okay?
Are you? Because with Colin and me,
you were way off.
You wanna know
what happened in that session?
You heard exactly what you wanted to hear,
which was the sound
of your whiny-ass voice
suckin' all the air out of the room.
You didn't even let your man speak.
Maybe that was the problem
in your marriage,
'cause it sure as shit wasn't me.
Can I speak to Dr. Sweeny again?
'Cause Miss Communication's mean.
No, I'm not done.
Stop lookin' for answers.
Stop lookin' for someone to blame.
He's gone. Let him go.
You want someone to love?
Love yourself.
Love the people in your life
who still wanna be there,
and keep your messy shit off of me, queen.
- Did you hear all that?
- Hard not to.
- You okay?
- No, I'm not.
I'm getting really, really tired
of feeling
Like I don't know what to do
to fucking get through this.
Of course you don't, love. Who does?
I mean,
Colin was a part of our world, too,
and we're all trying to figure out
life without him the best we can.
You mad at me now?
No, no.
Thank you for being one of the people
who still wants to be in my life.
I gotta go.
Could you give it
to the guy at the end of the bar?
- Sure.
- Thanks.
From that guy down there.
So did you know about the dog?
I'm sorry.
- I didn't want to be the one to tell you.
- I bet.
For what it's worth,
the whole dog thing is bananas.
Suddenly he wants a dog?
I don't get what's goin' on with that man,
and I've tried.
It's like someone flipped a switch.
But I still went over there for dinner,
thinking, naively, that I could
somehow figure it all out.
Uncover some clue
that might explain what he did.
And why.
For me?
Of course for you.
I'm sorry, Stanley.
You're not the guy I'm mad at.
I know.
And I may never get my answer.
I've got to be okay with that.
Besides, I think
a lot of what happened was my fault.
I push people away
with my big, giant feelings.
- Sucking the air out of rooms and
- No, no, no. No. Don't do that.
Don't blame yourself for what happened.
I won't let you go down that path.
There's nothing good there.
You got it?
So I don't have giant feelings?
I mean, could they use a little tweak
now and then? Sure.
But you are absolutely
a person worth loving.
Thank you, my friend.
Uh, drink that.
- I've already had three.
- Gladly.
Gotta take a picture.
When I'm alone ♪
With no one to love me ♪
And the tears start to fall ♪
From my eyes ♪
Won't somebody ♪
Somebody please love me? ♪
Whoa, just a little ♪
Just a little ♪
Please love me ♪
When all my troubles are with me ♪
And there's no one to lend ♪
A helpin' hand ♪
Won't somebody ♪
Somebody please love me? ♪
Whoa, just a little ♪
Just a little ♪
Please love me ♪
Sometime ♪
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