Upload (2020) s02e03 Episode Script

Robin Hood

1 You're gonna love my new place.
I got a sweet deal because the previous occupant died and no one found him till he liquefied.
Can we talk about my interview? Because my résumé says I have experience in game design.
Yeah, I know.
I wrote it.
Yeah, but Horizen knows I only have experience in customer service.
So how am I supposed to fake Shorty, you're not gonna get the job.
Don't call me that.
We're just trying to get you on the IT floor so you can drop a few Ring Drives around.
Somebody picks one up, plugs it in, we get access.
Easy peasy.
I think I'd be good at design.
Oh, my God.
You want me to lower the seats into sleep mode? Oh, God.
God, no.
It's gonna be hard to chillax like this.
It was a crazy party, Mom.
Yeah, everyone's food was totally customized.
David Choak gets off on eating exotic things, and his dessert was some fruit that went extinct with the dinosaurs.
But Mom, enough about me.
How are you doing? Well the rent was due again and I didn't have it.
Oh, God.
Listen to me, I'm sorry, Mom.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Well, should I talk to Ingrid about a loan? No.
Can we not have this conversation in front of ? Oh.
Uh, yeah.
She's not paying attention.
I never really got it until we started living together, but she just kind of zones out a lot.
You are coming down with a UTI.
Hug Suit suggested usage is maximum six hours daily.
Okay, Mom.
Don't lecture me.
You're a toilet.
Okay? You're You're a fucking toilet.
The lowest of the low.
I'd send you money, Mom, but I still can't work here.
It's illegal.
I have an idea for your mom.
The gig economy.
Errand Hamsters or Job Gerbils make two percent on orders, plus tips, sometimes.
Tip-Tips all the time.
Right? No.
Yeah, of course.
For exceptional service.
What does a Job Gerbil do exactly? Uh, pick stuff up and bring it to you.
Like a golden retriever? Golden Retriever? Uh Oof.
I doubt that you could get hired by Golden Retriever.
They are very selective.
Start with Gerbil.
My mom's flat broke.
She could lose the apartment.
- Crab legs.
- Ooh.
Yes, please.
Kannerman owes me money for my code, but if I ask him for it, - he'll know I got my memories back.
- Mm.
I made a deal with the devil.
- Can't even get paid.
- Yeah.
Wish I could help, man.
I'm broke, too.
My Purple Heart Grant only covers room and board.
We need to make some money.
Tell me about it.
Can't even sell our blood down here.
What's up, Yang? Never noticed these little windows in 2Gigs before.
Oh, they're new.
We're supposed to drool at the luxuries and get our relatives to upgrade us.
That's cruel.
Have an éclair.
- Ow! - Thanks for trying.
I just wanted a peek before my data ran out.
Wake me up when Freeyond opens, right? That's so unfair.
You're gonna be stored on a backup drive while these guys sit around with more data than they could use in a lifetime? Hey, waiter.
I've had Indian, green and Congo.
I need the next peacock.
I'm sorry, sir, but you've already tried every type of peacock.
Well, what's next? Um Bring me a penguin.
P Penguin it is.
Don't use it all in one place.
Thanks, Nathan.
I'm gonna think so hard with these.
I might even daydream! Okay.
- That was awesome.
- Yeah, that felt really good.
Steal from the rich, give to the poor.
That's some Robin Hood shit, man.
That was my favorite movie when I was a kid.
Me, too.
If we're gonna do this, I can't be Friar Tuck.
I had a bowl cut when I was in second grade, and I was a little husky.
Kids can be mean.
Penguin for Choak Choak's penguin Okay.
Job Gerbil, you are going to pretend to be me, so that I can take a break from pretending to be dead.
Cove? Aeon? Lakeview? Lakeview.
'Kay, here's everything you need to know about my boyfriend.
- Your profile said that you teach kindergarten? - Mm-hmm.
That might come in handy.
Just try and get him out of his room and away from Luke What's-His-Name.
And if you tell on me or fuck him, I will know and zero stars will be the least of your problems.
'Kay? I will ruin your life.
Do you understand? I mean, others have gotten there before you, but yeah.
Okay, great.
Any other questions? Is Oh, yeah.
I washed it, twice.
Just 'cause your Just 'cause the toilet told me what happened to you and - Don't listen to the fucking toilet.
- Well, it Okay.
It's a fucking toilet.
You're a fucking toilet! Ingrid has a yeast infection.
Proceed with caution.
Shut up.
Home sweet home.
This is exciting.
Never had a female roommate.
Or visitor.
Ivan, what the hell? Why is your Roomba wearing panties? Just added a couple sexbot upgrades.
I don't want to brag, but she's six different kinds of fuckable.
- Huh.
- Nothing hotter than a French maid, am I right? Give it to me, Papa.
Oh, baby.
Uh, you know what? I'm getting a call.
Call Mateo.
I just sent you my location pin.
I may end up killing Agent Cheeto.
So Oh, hey, um, do you want me to make up the couch? Or, uh, my bed is through that door.
Full size bed.
With a lock on the door? Uh-huh.
Here's a gig for you.
And a gig for you.
Where did all this come from? Nobody knows.
The card said "Robin Hood.
" - It's cool to see all the happy faces, huh? - Yeah.
Wonder who Robin Hood is though.
Uh, sorry, guys.
I don't have any more.
Well, then I'm going to the torrent.
He really should've gone first.
Hi, Detective.
Can I get you anything? A-a drink, perhaps? Oh.
Of course.
You're on duty! Dumb Lucy.
How 'bout a snack? I'm good.
I'm just taking a look around.
Well, you just let me know.
We're all willing to help in any way.
So yeah.
I'll just be in my office.
Who's that guy? He is some kind of a cybercrimes detective.
Apparently, he has a warrant to look around.
So that's just what he's doing.
Well, it's a good thing we don't have anything to hide.
That is correct.
Put this in the storeroom for me, will ya? Real quick.
Quicker than that.
You got those long legs! Go ahead and use 'em! What are you up to? He's an asshole, but this is not cool, Lucy.
Cute butt though.
Wonder what would happen if I put a pimple on it? Welcome back, Nora Antony.
Yeah, it's-it's been a long time Next.
Ah, look who is back from mysterious leave of absence.
I just ran away with a guy.
It didn't work out.
I can relate.
He try to pimp you? Here you go.
A treat.
So now we're buying coffee for other bitches? What? Girl, I got so much to tell you.
- Mm? - You will not believe what Lucy has been up to now.
There are videos.
Which you will show me.
- Who's this? - Oh.
I'm Tinsley.
It's so good to finally meet you.
It's, um It's just been Uh, hi? My temp.
I got a promotion Oh.
So, you're my boss now? I guess I have to do work.
You do though.
- Okay.
- Aleesha's tough.
But-but fair.
Yeah, I've been learning so much, and it's really great So, where the fuck have you been? - And how's Byron? - Oh.
Uh, you know He's fine.
Fine? Fine.
Bumblebee, bumblebee.
You can do this.
We got to figure out a way to steal more data faster.
I mean, anyone who can afford Lakeview can afford to share some with the 2Gigs.
We got to get that guy a dick.
What? Oh sugar.
So I guess you heard all that.
And - the thing is - Please don't tattle on us.
Please don't tattle on us.
God, I would go to jail before I ratted somebody out.
My uncle taught me the only thing you have in this life is your rep And you ruin it by snitching.
So This is the uncle I met? Uh-huh.
Same one.
That is a very intense life philosophy for a dentist, but okay.
All right.
Well, thanks for being cool, Ingrid, - but we got to brainstorm, so - Yeah.
I want to help.
I can be helpful.
Right? I-I can be helpful? - Yes.
- Yeah Let's do this.
Hey, girl.
Hey, boys.
- 'Kay.
- All right, I'm stepping out.
It is great being me.
Oh! Okay.
Pretty good.
Now watch the master at work.
- Whoa.
Conceited much? - Oh.
Giving the people what they want.
Afternoon, ladies.
I seem to have misplaced my shirt.
- Has anybody seen it? - Whoa.
Get a load of this slab of beef, - am I right, ladies? - No.
Did this guy pay to buff out his avatar? - Oh, no.
- No? You're telling me th-this is all-natural? Get out of town.
His arms are a bit small.
- What'd she say? - She doesn't know what she's talking about.
I'd butter this biscuit, huh? Hold the jam.
That man is sweet enough.
Your boy Nathan is up to something.
Oh, he's not my boy anymore.
But let's see what it is.
Well, he seems happy, at least.
There's a detective here, the 2Gigs suddenly have data to spare and Nathan Brown is running around like it was spring break 2028.
There is definitely something wrong with this picture.
Jump in.
See for yourself.
So, dating clients, is that an option? Hey, you going to poker night tonight? I'm a euchre man myself.
Lots of money is gonna change hands.
It says there's a no-limit table.
I wish there was a limit to this inane conversation.
Why are you so smiley? Oh.
Uh, 'cause look! I-I've got a 4.
9! Man, people must've missed me.
Actually, you're logged in to my account.
How is your rating higher than mine? Everybody loves New Nora.
She has no self-esteem.
Man, wait, you've been using my avatar? Yes.
What the hell are these other outfits? I was trying to find ways to highlight your natural beauty.
Oh, and there's nothing more natural and beautiful to you than clowns? Uh Oh, crap.
I got to go.
Job interview upstairs.
- A what? - Uh, it's a long story.
I'll-I'll explain later.
You're lucky she ain't see the one with the braids.
Thank you for not saying anything.
I found some irregularities in your department.
Uh, well You had ten uploads so far today complain of slow data speed, and they're on the unlimited plan.
I think someone is stealing data and giving it to the 2Gigs.
Oh, wow.
Okay, yeah.
Is that all? Okay, great.
I wonder if that's why the detective is here today.
Wait, what? Detective? - Uh-huh.
- Like police? Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Could an upload ever access code in the real world? Absolutely not.
They can't even access the Lakeview code.
Only the IT and design departments can.
Am I crazy or is this, like, super fun? Like, this right here, the three of us, this is the band, you guys.
I was joking, obviously.
Um Just a joke.
As you were saying, Detective.
I wonder what he's digging around for.
- Mm.
- Doesn't seem like he cares about missing data or nudes.
Nudes? Ew.
Stop before you get in trouble.
I think I know how the data's being stolen.
How? One of our penknives came up missing.
Jesus Christ, Craig.
I have my people hacking away to track it.
Because I would hate to see you get fired over something like this.
Fired? What's the plan? We distract, you drain? No, there's too many people.
We're gonna have to play.
I don't know, man.
These guys have done nothing but play cards since they died.
- They're sharks.
- Yeah.
That's okay.
We're not gonna play fair.
These gloves are paired to my penknife so I can change the cards that are in your hand.
Uh, wait.
I'm more of a slots girl.
- I - It's up to you, Ingrid.
It's your account.
We're gonna be risking a lot of your money.
But I really think this could work.
Aw, hell.
Easy come easy go, right? Let's take these rich jerks for everything they've got.
That's my girl.
- Okay.
- Mmm.
- What's my role? - You.
Don't move.
You're my eyes.
Mesdames and messieurs, welcome to poker night at Lakeview.
Ladies and gentlemen, net worths.
Hey, it's not the size it's what you do with it.
So, five years' experience coding Anaconda? Yep.
They call me the snake charmer.
Of course, that's not something you would ever use at this job.
- Totally.
- Mm.
- I know that.
- Uh-huh.
And you're a judo black belt? Yup.
Hi-yah! That's karate.
It was like a a mix.
Kannerman? Oh.
Uh Um Raise $100,000.
Players, reveal your cards.
Three of a kind! Nushìmen xianshengmen, Ms.
Kannerman wins! Yes.
Yes, I do.
Come here, come here, come here.
One of your nerds found the penknife.
It's being used right now in the atrium.
Is that you? Hey Lucy.
Uh, what are you doing here? Interviewing.
On this floor? Yeah, right.
- Craig, come on.
Chop, chop.
- Excuse me.
- Let's go.
Come on.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
I'm right behind you! Ms.
Kannerman, place your bet.
Jack-high flush.
Kannerman wins again! Okay.
So satisfying.
You know what? This one is for you, sir.
- You are as generous as you are beautiful.
- Eh.
Just don't spend it all in one place.
Hey there, folks! Come to check out poker night, huh? You don't want to miss this.
The high rollers are out in force.
But hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Who wants to play cards, huh? - Pick a card, any card, huh? - Oh, shit.
Not in poker though.
You don't get to pick in poker.
This all-American farm boy one is glitching.
Which means we must be close.
Oh, God.
Last hand.
We got to go.
Oh, um - All in.
- No.
What? Call.
Um I ditched the penknife.
Uh, just-just kidding.
Never mind.
No all in.
No take-backsies.
Players, reveal your cards.
All good things must come to an end.
We can beat three kings.
You know? You just got to have faith.
Come on, come on.
Full house.
And we're fucked.
Uh we could - still get a flush though, right? - No, it would have to be a straight flush to win.
And the odds of that happening are, like 3.
- That's actually better than I thought.
- Damn.
So then just lucky seven.
- Lucky seven of hearts, right? Come on, come on.
- Seven of hearts.
- Seven of hearts.
Come on, baby.
- Seven of hearts.
Come on, baby.
- Whoo! - What?! Oh, my God! Wow! Oh, my God! - Whoo! Winners! - Did you see that?! - Yeah, yeah! I won big! - Ha! Oh! Whoa! Okay.
- Oh, my God - Oh, my God! Aah! - Oh, what's up?! What's - Okay, we got to go.
We got to go.
- Yes.
- Okay, okay, okay.
No, no, no.
They'll credit your account.
Come on.
- No, come on! Wait! Wait! - Okay, all right.
Let's go.
I don't know how it got there.
- I swear, I'm innocent.
- Mm-mm-mm.
Uh Oh.
You waited.
Well, we're almost done.
So, something I ask all candidates why here? I mean, if you're good enough to code anywhere, why not someplace more cutting-edge, like, um Oscar Mayer Intel? Well, when I'm talking to a client I'm talking to someone who would have been gone forever if they had died 15 years ago.
And that makes this place an actual miracle, e-even if we dress it up in subscription fees, add-ons and data caps.
And who wouldn't want to be part of a miracle? Hmm.
Well, cybersecurity is out of the question.
You don't have the chops.
But we are adding headcount in Redesign.
Got to up our game now that Freeyond's coming out.
It's mostly just bug hunting for now.
But you do a good job who knows? Are you offering me a job? That's the point of job interviews, as I understand them.
- Wait, really? - Mm-hmm.
Holy crap.
Y yes.
Yeah, I'll-I'll take it.
- Mm, okay.
- Uh thank you.
Nora, is this yours? - Nope.
- Hmm.
Bronny James! Basketball.
We're taking this place over.
I'm just gonna be fixing glitches.
- Today, glitches.
Tomorrow - Bigger glitches? - And bigger paychecks.
- Mm.
So, I actually wasn't on a trip with Byron.
Oh, my God.
What? That's crazy.
I had no idea.
This is a huge surprise.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, well, I want to tell you more, but I can't.
Well, I have a secret I have no problem sharing.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
Blackmail? Or you could help me with something.
I'll call you back.
I kept a close eye on it for you.
Thank you for that.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
And then we had dinner - with friends in the dining room.
- Mm.
Amazing selection.
Oh, it was so nice.
Oh, and I, uh, parked you in the bathroom.
Well, it certainly sounds like you had a fun day.
How nice that we both got a little vacation.
Oh, I needed that.
- Your life is cool! - I know! Remove tip.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You were amazing today.
I think that was the best day we've ever had.
I love you, babe.
Next stop, Central.
- Hi.
- Hey.
So, the program just phoned home successfully.
Good job, superspy.
Um, this is pretty crazy, but I actually did well in the interview, too.
I got a job.
You what? How? It's not cybersecurity.
It's something else.
But it's great, right? I mean, I'm-I'm moving up.
And maybe I can, like change things from the inside.
What's so funny? Nothing.
That's great.
It is It's, uh I'm happy for you.
It's just ironic.
That's all.
Um, I got to go.

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