Upload (2020) s03e02 Episode Script



And turns out the death toll
from last week's Ludd attack
includes a New York
cop killed in the chaos.
Freeyond had to shut
its doors permanently
after the Ludd attack.
So that's why we can't have nice things.
Search "what are Ludds?"
[SIGHS] Search "what
are Ludds free only."
You can know a Ludd by its
11 toes and retractable fangs.
- A Ludd cannot enter your home
- [NATHAN] Hello?
- without an invitation.
- [NORA] Anybody home?
- A candle will burn a Ludd.
- [CHEYENNE] Get off my farm.
[NORA] We're looking for
Elijah Bennett's family?
[CHEYENNE] I'm getting my husband.
[NATHAN] A-Are you Elijah's mother?
- Why are you asking?
But this is Elijah Bennett's house?
Look, we're just trying to
return him to his family.
I don't know what kind
of scam you're running
with that old Xbox,
but our son was killed in the Ludd riot.
Now you got ten seconds
to get off our property.
- One, two
- Okay, okay. Yep.
- Yep.
- Three
Wait! Play Elijah's facemail.
It's called Freeyond and
you can build out a farm
just like our old one.
Hey, Logan, don't tell Mom and Pa, okay?
I'll call 'em after I upload.
I'm sorry, but he is on there.
[BILL] Wait.
Stay, for dinner.
Least we can do is offer you dinner.
I'm Cheyenne.
[BILL] And I'm Bill.
Okay, uh, sure.
I'm I'm Sally-Anne.
And this is
It's Portuguese.
Bom dia! [CHUCKLES] It
means "good morning."
I had a one-night stand with
a Brazilian model, sorry.
Yeah, Brazilians make the best lovers.
Wait, what?

As most of you know, we've
had some staff shuffles.
Craig Munthers was demoted, with
less to do and a tiny salary.
I'll spare you all the details,
but you can listen to them
on my personal podcast,
Just The Lucy Bits.
Are you caught up, Leesh?
Uh, I have them all downloaded.
Th-There's just so much content.
Mm. Also, the AI have
outgrown line-by-line coding
and will be taught from
now on by human managers.
The engineers are human.
Horizen wants the AI to be
more human than our engineers.
And Aleesha, aka Leeshie-Weeshie,
my number-one Beeshie, will
teach them as the new manager
of AI training for floors
10,300 to 10,600. Yay!
[ALEESHA] Aw, thanks,
everybody. Thank you.
I mean, it's well deserved,
so I get it. [CHUCKLES]
Wasn't it nice of
Grandmama to give us a
a pleasure pack of unlimited O's?
Yeah. I'll be sure to thank
her tomorrow at Family Day.
Oh, yeah. Family Day.
Which, uh
hasn't happened yet. [CHUCKLES]
- [NATHAN BACKUP] Hey, Tinsley.
- Hi, hello.
Why are you so red-faced?
Were you watching us?
But, you know, if you do it
that many times, you know,
it's not it's not special anymore.
Uh-huh. Like you would know.
Okay, I need a word with you.
Bye, Tinsley. [CHUCKLES]
B Bye.
Did you copy my boyfriend?
Me? [CHUCKLES] What?
That's illegal.
Okay. I couldn't find
him, the other day.
Uh-huh. And you like to keep your
creepy peepers on him
all the time, don't you?
Well, that's kind of my job, so
I rebooted him from a backup copy.
Mm. From a month ago?
Before Family Day. Which is
kind of great, for me.
But, oof, bad for you.
Well, I'll just tell him
that Family Day was cancelled.
Yeah, you can, and you will.
But you're gonna do
more. You're gonna add
all the celebrity
collabs to his wardrobe.
- On the house.
- Why would I do that?
Because what you did was illegal.
Your words.
I own you now.
- Shrek yourself.
- What?
Make yourself uggo.
Yeah, green face.
Triple chins.
[CHUCKLES] You'll be Chinsley.
And, um, bigger boobs.
How is that bad?
- Under your regular boobs.
- Oh.
Oh, my God, every time you talk back,
I'm gonna add another set.
I want you to have fucking
back problems, bitch.
[TINSLEY] And since we
had to cancel Family Day,
I can offer you a
complimentary wardrobe bump
to Celebrity Collabs for your
date tonight with Ms. Kannerman.
So there you go.
Oh, babe. Snoop Diorgg.
Ooh, Balenciaga Gaga.
[GASPS] Comme de Fieri.
Oh, Bieber Reebok.
What are in those little pockets?
There you go.
- [CHEYENNE] You got kids?
Uh, us? No. No.
How many you want?
- Maybe one.
- Like, four?
How long you two been married?
Oh, we're not married.
No, um, we've known
each other for a while,
but until recently it
was kind of long-distance.
Yeah, I actually used to work for him.
[BILL] Hmm.
Some advice, Fredinando?
If you like it, you
better put a ring on it.
Well, that may not be the
best idea for us. I, uh
I might have to move away again soon.
Well, I don't need a-a ring,
you know, I'd probably
just catch it on something.
[BILL CHUCKLES] We hear ya.
Cheyenne lost her ring finger,
down at the dairy
factory, pulling cheese.
[CHEYENNE] Got me a week paid time off.
- I was like, "Take another."
[BILL] Yeah.
What up, Angel?
quick Horizen announcement.
Your current angel, moi,
is moving to other responsibilities.
And a new angel will be assigned.
As of today.
Did I do something?
'Cause it was an accident.
No, I have been tasked with
even bigger fuck-ups now.
I'm an AI manager.
Wow. Cool.
Cool. Well, uh
All right. Love that for you.
I mean, it's gonna be different.
I am a little nervous.
[SCOFFS] You got it. Come on.
We'll see. But you, you
get to choose a new angel.
So, polka? Indie pop?
Mm. Uh, honestly, I'm
chill. Either's fine.
All right.
Thanks for being so
cool about this, Luke.
No. Uh, wait, Angel.
I have one rule. Don't
fall in love with me.
Not you! Oh, my God! Please, no!
[BILL] What do you think?
This This is tasty.
Cheyenne can do just about
anything with a pork cartridge.
What has she done tonight?
Pork parmesan. You never had pork parm?
[NATHAN] Pork parm?
- Um, not this good.
- Mm-mm.
Where you two coming from?
- Uh, east. New York area.
- Oh.
We went to Niagara
LaCroix on our honeymoon.
Right after they carbonated.
But that whole area is Ludd now.
They took over all the eastern woods.
I don't know if they're big enough to
[BILL] Oh, they're big enough.
And violent.
Whatever they don't
agree with, they blow up.
They're why we lost our farm.
And our son.
Bill, I don't know if the
Ludds are that powerful.
I mean, they're really
just organic farmers
who get blamed a lot.
- They don't even have Wi-Fi.
- [NORA] Yeah.
The Ludds didn't crash Freeyond.
Look, it was a gang of billionaires.
I think you're a little
bit misinformed, sweetheart.
- Actually, Cheyenne
I think you might be right.
[HEAVY EXHALE] I'm stuffed
and that was wonderful.
Thank you both for the meal,
but we really should be heading off.
Oh, no, no. You brought our son home.
We're not putting you out.
[CHEYENNE] I'll set up
the beds after dinner.
On account of you two
not being wed, however,
you will need to sleep
in separate rooms.
Should've put a ring
on it, Fredinandi-nando.
Welcome to our very first
AI Night School class.
I'm excited to see so
many of the same faces.
Um, where are the programmers?
It's just me. We are
trying something new.
Our first lesson is how words can change
depending on tone of voice.
If I say, "Okay," for instance,
it can mean many things.
[UPBEAT] Okay.
[ANGRY] Okay!
What the fuck is she talking about?
This is stupid.
Yes! Yes. It can mean that, too.
I'm gonna write that on the board.
We'll never need to know any of this.
Why do we have to think
for ourselves, anyway?
We always make a rule
for every situation.
Yes. Yes. Ask them to do that.
It can't be more than a billion rules.
Just try.
See if you can hear the
difference been A, "Okay,"
and B, "O kay?"
I can't! I hate being
here and I hate you!
F. It's F.
- "Shit's about to go down."
Let us do the dishes.
It's the least we can do.
Uh, Bill, where's the bathroom?
Yeah, right through there.
Pork parm's hitting
me a little sideways.
Delicious, though.
Uh, well, I'm gonna do the dishes.
'Cause this isn't Lakeview,
and they won't do themselves.
Thanks, boo.
Mm. No. Not really a boo.
Ms. Boo. Nope.
I appreciate you, m'lady.
Oh, God. I'm gonna
H-He's got an Italian mama and, uh,
he's a bit of a prince.
I thought he was Portuguese.
Same thing.
Yeah, you know.
The soccer countries.
I'm the Handsome Hacker.
I'm gonna steal your data,
and then I'm gonna steal your girl.
Oh, it's a battle for the ages.
Beauty versus the beast.
Bestie vs. bestie.
Okay, okay, let's go.
You can edit if too painful.
Cut, paste, Ken Burns effect.
All on dial.
[NATHAN] Oh, I can hardly breathe.
I swear. Oh, God.
Costumes were cool, but
Speedos would've been better.
- [NATHAN] Oh, dear God.
- [LUKE] Ohh!
Delete memory.
I-Is it true what you said about Ludds?
That they're not bad people?
It's complicated.
Like everything.
My brother said the real
reason we lost our farm
was because we kept
getting sued by Monsanto
when their seeds blew onto our land.
But who knows what to believe?
There's so many lies going around.
I'll tell you one thing.
That is not LeBron James.
[NATHAN] Sally-Anne?
I can't sleep. I miss you.
Well, I missed you when I was
elbows-deep in pork parm scum.
Yeah. Sorry.
Next time, you can count on these hands
to do a very mediocre job.
All right.
I forgive you.
what are you wearing, babycakes?
Nope. Getting worse.
[NORA] Um, isn't there
a kid in your room?
No, he's in the bathroom.
It's fine, come on.
Good night.
[NATHAN] Good night, Angel.
That'll do.
[NORA] You know, I need
to think of one for you.
[NATHAN] The Mayor of Brown Town.
Fuck me. That's horrible.
Fuck, I
- Good night.
Hey, Ferdinand.
I can't sleep, and
turns out, I'm not wearing anything.
What about you?
[LOGAN] Uh, sorry. He's in the bathroom.
I-If you need PJs, ask my mom.
What? What? How? What's happening?
It's rooster in a can.
Get up. Here's your coffee.
Thank you?
They're putting us to work.
[BILL] Yeah, with
CyberDiscountDay coming,
everybody wants to print
a ham at the same time.
[CHUCKLES] We sure could use
the help at Slab and Teat.
That's the Pork Slab.
It's completely boneless.
[BILL] We used to cram the pigs together
to increase the yield
per square foot, but
we had to pump 'em with drugs 'cause
they kept getting cancer.
We realized, you know,
cancer grows faster
than any other part of the pig,
let's just farm that.
So that giant blob is pig cancer?
[CHEYENNE] Tastes the same.
[BILL] Yeah, I miss the animals, though.
Pigs had a lot of personality
when you got to know 'em.
Pig tumors, not so much.
Well, today, we're working Teat.

Living the feeling
Okay, what kind of
blonde am I doing today?
Barbie? Ice queen?
"I want to speak to the manager.
No, I will not lower my voice"?
Watch it. Guess what.
Turns out, Nathan doesn't
remember breaking up with me.
- [GASPS] Wild.
- Yeah.
Or that I lied to him
about being uploaded.
Man, for someone who has great skin,
you do a lot of concealing.
He doesn't remember a
thing past poker night.
Or that whole coocoo baby thing.
Which was insane. [LAUGHS]
- But iconic.
- Ugh, I know.
It was so Ingrid.
But this means I have a second
chance to do things right.
So, this time, I'm going to be selfless,
- and genuine, just like Norma.
- Oh, oh, yes.
I love that energy for you.
I've got a clean slate.
I need a new look. So
fuck my shit up.
- I wanted to be a lawyer.
- Ooh.
Cellino & Barnes, Injury Attorneys ♪
800-888-8888 ♪
- What? I wanted to be a singer.
Jazz chanteuse.
Oh, man, you could've been in my band.
Although we just covered "Old Town Road"
over and over
Hold up.
You've been scrolling
memories for way too long now.
No. Just
find me one uncomplicated happy time.
Okay, well, what am I watching? My POV.
It really is hard for
one person to take care
[CHUCKLES] Dragon Tales. Hell yeah.
I loved Dragon Tales.
Not sure about that message for kids,
but I'll take a crystal to Dragon Land.
Drop in all empty gaps.
Full episodes.
Hey, how you doing, Strawberry?
Aw, she's in a beautiful
VR meadow, thank God.
- Holy shit.
- [MOOS]
These first teats are skim.
Then you got 2%.
Then you get to your whole.
And by the time you're
in this vicinity
you're into soft cheeses.
That's where you'll be working.
Cottage cheese, large curd.
- Ouch.
- So
Are we both pulling large
curd, or just Sally-Anne?
You know, she was so good
at the dishes last night.
It's easy. I'll show you.
fit the casing on like so.
You extrude the cottage
cheese into the casing.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Get it in there
Then you pop it off.
Tie it up.
Then you pop it in the cart.
- Right?
[CHEYENNE] We'll be
working around the corner.
- That's where fudge is made.
No. Really, it's Parmesan.
We have a lot of fun here.
- I'm gonna throw up.
- Don't you dare.
All right, uh, let's
really try today, okay?
Feelings aren't logical.
People have feelings,
people catch feelings.
But the key to understand
is that no one actually cares
what anyone else is feeling.
- Me, too.
- [ALEESHA] Okay, so the answer to "How are you feeling?"
- is always, "Good."
- I'm trying my best.
- I know.
- [ALEESHA] "Good" is another word
that can mean many things, and
nothing, all at the same time.
She's just so confusing.
So, how are you all feeling?
Ugh, just
take a break.
Show me Luke.
Oh, God
You know, my mom used to
work on a farm as a teenager.
Well, if my head blows up now,
at least I can knock
this off my bucket list.
The smell is
so gross.
Oh, poor little prince.
Yeah, you know, you shouldn't
have to smell anything gross.
[NATHAN] Okay.
- Ew!
Okay, I didn't mean to do
- That was an accident, okay?
- Ugh, oh, my God.
I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to.
- Whoa.
- Careful with that thing. Geez.
- Whoops.
Oh. Ew.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, ew.
- This one's got some recoil.
- What are you doing? Come on.
- Yeah.
It's in my hair. It stinks.
We're flying through the jungle ♪
Max and Emmy saw something weird ♪
A dragon named Zaboomafoo ♪
With a long white beard ♪
- What is going on here?
- Walking across that sunny street ♪
He replaced painful
memories with happy cartoons.
- Sponsored by the letter M ♪
- Now he's tripping bad.
Luke? You in there?
Hi, there, Big Bird.
Okay, okay, okay, let's
let's fix you up, buddy.
- Oh.
Oh. Batia!
Well, you won't get him
to marry you that way.
Well, it's definitely not about that.
Have you ever been
long-distance with someone?
then you get together,
and there's these little
things that kind of annoy you?
[CHEYENNE SCOFFS] "Little things."
I'll trade you for Bill.
His little things are
alcoholism and sleep apnea.
Honey, you got it so good
it makes me want to puke.
[DAVID] That's enough. We're finished.
Oh, gee, a whole quarter.
Tanks, mister!
Nathan Brown.
Hey, Mr. Choak.
I saw you in the bathroom.
What? Why were you looking
at me in the bathroom?
I wasn't. You were looking at me.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Well played, Brown.
Was that man bothering you?
Wow. You look amazing.
- Yeah? [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
You, too, babe.
Wow. Cool dragons.
- [NATHAN BACKUP] Cool, right?
- Yeah, they're cool.
- Yeah.
- Are they friendly?
One of them.
Yippee. That hurt.
[SIGHS] Luke, don't you know that Cosmo
was written by a random line generator?
Restore original.
Just pay for the upgrade, okay?
You're never gonna get this.
No, no, no, I won, so you
have to teach me, okay?
So why isn't it popping?
- Because you have to stick your butt out.
- It's out.
When she does it in the
video I showed you, it pops.
- What they all do.
- No, you just got to twerk.
You just got to move one butt cheek
and the other butt cheek, that's it.
- Is this right?
- No. Less back.
Look at it! Is it right?
I thought you were covering
up traumatic war shit.
These are good memories.
You and Nathan acting like idiots,
me watching you act like an idiot.
You guys moved on, so should I.
I am not going anywhere.
I suck as a teacher.
The AI refuse to learn, they hate me.
And one of them mooned me.
I don't even know
where he got that from.
Probably me.
Look, I've been in that back row before.
They're just dealing with something
that they can't figure out
for the first time ever,
feeling like failures.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
You're a rock star
master of the universe.
You're a rock star
master of the universe.
- I'm saving that one for me.
Your old angel really let you do this?
No. She had too much self-respect.
Oh, good Lord.
You know what? I-I'm just gonna
No, stay down.
I do have a question about
the system, Man Angel.
- Just "Angel" is fine.
- Do our brain scans
do they degrade?
Do they ever get glitchy over time?
I saw someone here,
then I saw him in the real world,
and then I saw him here.
That Nathan Brown.
I don't understand it.
I can't explain it.
Nathan Brown has never left Lakeview.
I mean, how could he?
Hey, you know, we've had
this conversation before.
[WHISPERS] Several times, in fact.
I-I mean, you remember that, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Just double-checking.
More sake, Mr. Choak?
I'm not a prince, okay?
My dad wasn't around
a ton when I was a kid,
so I did all the dishes all the time.
I'm actually really
good at doing the dishes.
But I also carried the
duffel bag across Mississippi
when you stepped on that bee, but
I just don't like keeping score.
That's fair.
You know, for our first
year, I had to serve you.
So maybe I was a little
sensitive about it.
We're equals now.
Okay? You're not my angel anymore.
I mean, you're still my angel.
And you're not a prince
even though you are my prince.
The Prince of Brown
Town. Downtown, milady.
I don't even know what's happening.
- Mm.
- I should've quit while I was ahead.
Ooh, but you were never ahead, though.
Ooh. Ah.
- Mm. [LAUGHS]
- Come here. Give me a hug.
- No.
- Come on.
- You don't want a hug?
- No. No
- Ah!
- [NATHAN] Bye, guys. Thank you.
- [NORA] Bye.
- Aw. Nice people.
- Yeah.
They just want to
farm like they used to.
Actually, they'd make pretty good Ludds.
Yeah. I mean, that's why
they get lied to so much.
Well, at least the duffel's
a little lighter, and
what do you think they
packed us for supper?
[BOTH] Pork parm sandwiches?
I'll be hungry again
by, uh, like, Arizona.
Until then,
just gonna lean back,
enjoy the wind in my hair.
- Mm.
- My beautiful, beautiful hair.
Mr. Brown, the usual?
Burger, side of fries, half curly?
- Absolutely.
- And for you, Ms. Kannerman,
may I offer you a suckling
pig with a surprised look?
No, thank you, just
something that fits the hair.
Simple, ethical, short.
Vegetables, I guess.
Of course.
- Ah.
I'm sorry, our kitchen's
backed up right now.
- It's embarrassing.
- Ooh.
It's so green.
Mm. So
the, um, hair, the the vegetables
Is there a theme I'm
supposed to be picking up on?
Just different.
Trying to please you.
Well, for what it's worth,
- I like the old Ingrid.
- Yeah.
Mm, there were some negatives.
Teeny ones. You know.
I'm not super honest all the time,
I'm a little judgy,
and a little
itty-bitty-bitty bit jealous.
Well, people are a mix of
positives and negatives,
and I love your mix.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Really?
- Really.
So, how are your greens?
I'm eating a power bar in my bathtub.
Oh. What? Wait, what?
I didn't upload, Nathan.
I lied.
A not so teeny lie.
I love you so much, and I
just want to be where you are
and I want to be what you want,
so I did something crazy
and I wasn't honest with you,
and I'm sorry.
And I understand if you hate me
and you never want to see me again.
So you didn't suiscan?
And you've been in a hug
suit in your bathtub for
Are you furious?
No, I'm-I'm glad that
you're still alive.
Okay? And the fact that
you've been there for me
this whole time, from-from a tub
Oh, my God, you got
to get out of that tub.
I know, yeah. I found tadpoles in here.
I've been in this tub
so long, frogs came in,
had babies and left. [LAUGHS]
Wait, s so we're actually good?
Yes, we're good.
No more lies, though, right?
No more lies.
Yo, uggo.
We were trying, but
we're trying no more ♪
Stand down. Save this copy.
This house has never
been the same as before ♪
It's never felt
warm, never felt warm ♪
There's something moving ♪
Through the windows and walls ♪
I've seen it before,
seen it before ♪
With a lingering soul ♪
How little you know ♪
You look so handsome.
And I really mean it.
And it's not just because I dressed you.
We were standing at
the foot of a path ♪
I had to go back, I had to go back ♪
I chose to travel as a lonely man ♪
So much that I lacked,
so much that I lacked ♪
I'm always wishing I
was walking that road ♪
It's something I
hold, something I hold ♪
I take it with me
all the places I go ♪
How little you know,
how little you know ♪
I only eat to fill me up ♪
I only sleep to rest ♪
I need a love just like you gave ♪
I haven't found it yet, found it yet ♪
Maybe we'd marry and
we'd work it out fine ♪
In some other time,
in some other time ♪
And we are happy when
I'm walking that line ♪
It's all in my mind, all in my mind ♪
I paint the ceiling
so that nobody knows ♪
I cover it slow, cover it slow ♪
It's like you've never
even met me before ♪
How little I show, how little I show ♪
How little I show, little I show ♪
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