W1A (2014) s03e01 Episode Script

Series 3, Episode 1

1 Stand by, two.
Mix Cue on two.
The BBC has announced the appointment of ex-Head of Olympic Deliverance, Ian Fletcher, as its new Head of Values.
Time now for the shipping forecast.
NARRATOR: It's Monday morning and a new week at the BBC's New Broadcasting House headquarters somewhere in central London, as Head of Values Ian Fletcher arrives in order to begin it.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Morning, Will.
Yeah, cool.
NARRATOR: So far, at least on the basis of all the available evidence, it looks as if everything is going like clockwork.
First of all, thank you for making time in your diaries for this.
- I know how busy things are at the moment.
- Yep.
Yes, they certainly are, Ian, yes.
NARRATOR: By nine o'clock, Ian is chairing a special meeting of the Way Ahead Group, in his role as someone whose job it is to steer the organisation confidently towards whatever it is that's going to happen next.
But I called this meeting because I think we're at a critical moment in the life of this group, and, who knows, - maybe even in the life of the Corporation.
- Hurrah.
NARRATOR: This is the year in which the BBC's Royal Charter is up for renewal.
Of course, we know there are some tough choices coming our way.
- Brilliant.
- Yes, exactly.
Which is what the More Of Less initiative is about, of course.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.
- Yep.
The fact is, this is about identifying what we do best and finding more ways of doing less of it better.
- Yes.
- Brilliant.
- Yeah, bollocks.
NARRATOR: The Charter renewal process gives the BBC an opportunity to question everything it does, and ask the question whether there's any point to any of it at all any more.
And with all that in mind, my suggestion is that as from today, this becomes the Renewal Group, - rather than Way Ahead.
- Oh, right, OK.
- Yes, good.
- Hallelujah.
- Well, no - Renewal? - No, honestly.
- Amen.
- It just focuses the mind, that's all.
I'm sorry, Ian, that is just I mean, I feel like opening the window - and shouting down Regent Street.
- Well, no, please don't.
No, Christ's sake.
Really, it's about resetting the dial for everyone in the building and shining a new light on that dial, or at least shining the old light but with a new bulb, so none of us can be in any doubt where the dial is or can have any excuse for not being able to read what it says.
- Yeah.
- Brilliant.
- Blimey.
- Have we got that? - Got that? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Joyous.
Right, OK, so that's my big speech over.
Oh, shame.
OK, everybody, so welcome to Fun.
Exciting day, exciting times.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, across town, in the world of what used to be Perfect Curve, momentous and very different events are unfolding.
Today I introduce Siobhan Sharpe as our new joint CEO and partner in Fun.
ALL: Yay! NARRATOR: Perfect Curve has been bought by Dutch-owned multinational media giant Fun Media, and today chairman and founder Jens Smit has flown in to usher in the future.
- So I know Siobhan has stuff she's going to say - Yay! - .
but first I'm going to say a bit about Fun.
- Yay! So the philosophy of Fun is that everybody in this building is happy.
This is a happy building, because a happy person is a creative person, and a creative person is a happy person, - so that's Fun.
- We love fun.
You are all fun people.
You have good ideas, that's why you're here.
When something good happens, we should recognise this, we should be happy.
So what we do at Fun, George is ready at any time, that's why he is here.
HORN HONKS - Time out.
A few minutes, a silent disco, and we dance.
- Cool.
So a lot of people # Gold! - # Always believe in your soul # - Yeah.
- # You're indestructible # - OK.
Always believe in - OK, so we save this, OK? - Excuse me? We maybe save this for later, huh? - OK, so we save this, guys, OK? Save it maybe for later.
- OK.
- Thanks.
- Hmm.
- So a lot of people say there's more to life than fun.
- Sure.
- But here, we don't agree with that.
- Nuh-uh.
No way.
- You come in through the door of this building, OK? - Sure.
- Fun is your life, and your life - Sure.
Your life is fun, yes? Sure.
OK? So lots of fun here, guys, OK? .
a black pair of skinny jeans, know what I mean? Keep it simple.
NARRATOR: Back over at New Broadcasting House, the newly formed Renewal Group is already facing its first-ever live challenge.
This one I like quite a lot.
I like the cut on this.
For me, what this says, it's understated.
You know what I'm saying? NARRATOR: A Channel 4 documentary about ex-Premier League footballer Ryan Chelford, in which he talks openly for the first time about his life as a keen cross-dresser, has thrown up some sensitive issues for the BBC.
Now, this one, I've had some times in this, I have.
If this was a car, right, for me, this would be a Ferrari.
You put this on, something's going to happen, do you know what I'm saying? NARRATOR: The documentary includes allegations that the BBC rejected Ryan as a pundit for its flagship football show Match Of The Day because they were already aware of his very-personal other life.
I went for, like, this audition, right? I went to Manchester.
Like, I saw Alan Shearer in the car park.
I didn't speak to him.
He was on his phone getting out of his Audi fucking AH, you know what I'm saying? So I'm sat in the Match Of The Day studio and everything.
There's me, and they had these guys, like, pretend Linekers and that, sitting in.
And they play in this clip of, like, Stoke v Swansea or whatever.
So, like, Peter Crouch is in the box and I'm like, "OK, he's pulled off his man at the back post.
"It's a decent header off of a quality cross, I admit that, "but albeit the Swansea defence has totally switched off.
"I'm sorry, but for me, the guy's, like, eight foot tall - "it's not rocket science, do you know what I'm saying?" Anyway, so I did that.
Never heard from them again.
Not a word.
- Right, OK.
- Right.
- I think that will probably do for the moment.
- Yes.
- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.
What I CAN say, guys, is that we are starting to take heavy incoming on this in the press office already.
- Well, yes.
- Oh, no.
I mean, obviously the issues are potentially pretty serious.
- Yes.
- Yes, they are, Ian, yes.
Yes, especially for inclusivity, of course, Lucy.
- Well, yes.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
Honestly, no, bad luck.
- So I spoke to Clive Cook this morning.
- Oh, right? - Yes, me too, Lucy.
- Oh, right.
- Clive? ALL: - Clive Cook.
- Oh, yes, Clive Cook.
- BBC Head of Football.
- Head of BBC Football.
- Yes, no, brilliant.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Yes.
- Yep.
- So, anyway, I spoke to him this morning.
- Right, and? - Well, he He's not very pleased, is he, Lucy? - Not really, no.
- No.
His thing is, the reason they didn't go for Ryan Chelford on Match Of The Day, - they didn't know anything about his private life at the time.
- Yes.
- Truth is, he was just no good.
- Right.
- Yes, apparently - he was too dull.
- Yes.
- OK.
Too dull for Match Of The Day? - I know, Neil.
- Jesus.
- I'm just telling you what he said.
Well, but if that's the case, I mean Well, obviously we'll need to be careful about exactly how we phrase it.
Yeah, good luck with that.
But at least on the allegations he's making there, - well, at least we've got a pretty clear answer to them.
- Yes.
- Brilliant.
- So that's all good, isn't it? - Yes, exactly.
- Hurrah.
- Obviously I wish I could agree with you, Ian.
- Right.
But I'm sorry, it's not actually that simple, is it, Lucy? - Not really, no.
- No, I had a feeling it might not be.
- No.
- Brilliant.
OK, so this will be, like, a really cool new app.
Like a BBC News Forecast app.
A news forecast app? NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in the land of Fun, the old Perfect Curve BBC account team is having its first meeting with Fun CEO Jens Smit.
So it'll be like the weather forecast, but with, like, news, but - OK.
- No, but - OK, no, I get this.
- But this would be in emojis.
- Emojis.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- We LOVE emojis.
So fun.
They're fun.
NARRATOR: The team has been joined by meta genius Michael Chung from Fun's New York office, and they've been invited to come up with ideas for a hello present from Fun Media to the BBC as one of their most important clients.
Yeah, each day would be like, "Today - Italy, smiley face.
"Syria, droopy mouth.
" Oh, OK.
Maybe Russia would be like angry face.
- OK.
What else? - Yeah, cool.
- OK, Coco.
- OK, sure? - Go.
- OK, so in the end, what I came up with was BBC Bun Time.
BBC Bun Time? - Cos they're losing Bake Off, right? - Bummer.
Which was like a national thing.
- We LOVE Mary Berry.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Mary.
- Yeah, like with her teeth.
This could be, like, a new thing for her, where celebrities that create, like, their own version of a BBC bun - Holy shit.
- OK.
No, but then the winning bun OK, what else? - OK, Karl.
- Yeah.
- What have you got? - OK, so this is pretty cool, OK? - Cool.
- So, like, I went for, like, a walk.
- OK, yes.
It was pretty fun.
I'm like, "Why don't we just give them, like, some money?" - OK.
- I don't know how much.
We give them money? Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Everybody likes - Michael.
- Hey.
- Any thoughts? Sure.
How about we build them, like, a really cool new BBC online platform, kind of like a YouTube channel? Like it could be, like, BBC Me.
- BBC Me? - So TV figures are falling right now.
Like, I don't watch TV.
Like, I don't even have a TV.
Pretty soon no-one's going to be watching TV.
Like, it's not even going to be a thing, so this could be a totally new voice.
People can upload their own content onto the BBC brand.
Cos the BBC is owned by the people, right? So this would be like giving them a part of it back to play with, which could be totally cool.
MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES MUSIC: Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick by Ian Dury Obviously the danger is if he's actively excluded from appearing on Match Of The Day, - that could read as an example of prejudice.
- Right.
- Prejudice? - Yes.
- Against what? - Well - Against people who are crap? NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in Renewal, the Ryan Chelford discussion has moved on.
Ultimately, the LGBT community itself.
- Yes.
- Oh, right, OK.
- Yes, exactly.
- Great.
- As I say, guys, we are looking at an issue here.
- Yes.
But, anyway, in the end NARRATOR: In the circumstances, the BBC's Head of Football, Clive Cook, has agreed to give him a one-off trial appearance as a pundit on a special midweek FA Cup third-round highlights edition of Match Of The Day, which very few people will watch.
The idea being that once people see for themselves how bad he actually is, that could solve the whole problem in one go.
- Right, yes.
- Brilliant.
Yeah, no, can't see anything going wrong with that.
Yes, but what he did say to me, Lucy, obviously I don't know what he said to you, but I don't mind saying, I get on pretty well with Clive - Right.
- I don't take any nonsense from him.
- Hurrah.
- And I think he responds to that well.
Yes, well, anyway Yeah, so what he said to me, in the circumstances, he thought it would be good if some of the useless senior management down in London showed their faces on the night as well.
- Right.
- Really? I've got to say those were his words.
That's the way Clive talks.
NARRATOR: With the Match Of The Day studios located in Salford, which is itself located somewhere near Manchester, the question now is, if any of the senior management from London are to be usefully present on the night, which of them should it be? I mean, Simon, I don't know if this is something you feel you want - Yes, no, it's an interesting one, isn't it? - Yes.
I mean, I don't know how these things work.
Honestly, this is so far off my little patch of scrubby ground.
- Right.
- But, I mean, Lucy.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- I mean, you're so on top of all this inclusivity stuff around this.
- Well - Yes, exactly.
Cos, I mean, basically it's about making sure everyone feels - - listened to and loved.
- I don't know about - Loved? - Yes, exactly, yes.
- Christ.
- I mean, I don't mind.
- I'll go up if anyone thinks it'll do any good, me being there.
- Right.
- Brilliant.
- I have to say, it works for me, Lucy.
- I may well be useless.
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
- But I'm not sure I really qualify as senior management.
- Well, that's - Oh, now pish.
- Pash.
No, I'm not being funny or anything, Lucy, but I agree.
- Right.
- I've got to say, I think someone should be up there with you.
I mean, I'd volunteer to go, obviously, but I've got my work cut out making Huw Edwards - feel loved down here already.
- Right.
- Yes, no, very good, Neil.
- Yes, exactly.
No, really, well done, you.
I mean, what day is it we're talking about? - It's Tuesday.
- Right.
- Tuesday evening, yes.
- Tuesday.
- Brilliant.
- I mean, I'm not sure whether this is my little patch of scrubby ground either.
- But it's obviously important we get this right.
- OK, alrighty.
- Brilliant.
- Ian and Lucy.
- Well - Hurrah.
- All hail the Manchester Two.
- Yeah, good luck.
- Brilliant.
Yes, and the fact is I think I should be there too.
- What? - Right.
- Well - Really? Yes, exactly, yes.
OK, now we're really rolling.
I'm not being funny or anything, Anna, but we are talking about people feeling loved here.
The fact is, this is an opportunity to put betterness front and centre when it actually matters.
- Brilliant.
- What, front and centre in Manchester? - Yes, exactly, yes.
- Right, OK.
- Hurrah.
Well, so, Ian, Lucy and Anna.
- All hail.
- Long live the Salford Three.
- Right.
- Right.
- Blimey.
Yes, exactly, yes.
- Oh, David.
- Oh, hi, Izzy, yes.
Look at you, lovely Izzy in your lovely new coat.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, it's a week later, and Development Executive Izzy Gould has found herself with an opportunity to have a moment with Commissioning Editor Primetime Factuality David Wilkes - on her way into work.
- I was just going to e-mail you, actually.
I've got a meeting with Matt Taverner this afternoon.
- Right, have you? - Yes, I know, lovely Matt.
I know some people don't warm to him with his glasses and everything, - but do you know what? - What is this about, David? - Yes, right.
- I was chatting to him about On Your Bike the other day.
- On Your Bike? - Oh, my God, he absolutely loves it, Izzy.
- You talked about On Your Bike - to Matt Taverner? - Do you know what? He's mad about it.
- Right.
Honestly, when I stopped, he didn't say anything.
- He sat there nodding his head to himself, like he does.
- Right.
- Yes.
- LIFT: - Sixth floor.
- I mean, that's great, David.
- I know.
But, I mean, I'm not quite sure how to say this.
Go on, Izzy, just say.
Just say what you think.
Say what's on your mind.
- But, I mean, On Your Bike is not actually your idea.
- No.
It's not even my idea.
It's Will Humphries'.
- I know, yes.
Lovely Will.
- Yes, so But do you know what? It's just such a great idea, Izzy.
- Yes.
- No, honestly, it is.
- Well, yes.
- It's like I said to Mark - - do you know what? Ideas like this don't come along very often.
- No.
Making sure you're part of making them happen when they do is what being Commissioning Editor Primetime Factuality - is actually about.
- Yes.
SIOBHAN: OK, so here's the thing with this.
Here's what it is.
No-one watches television any more - Well - No.
- I mean, like, no-one.
OK? Get over it.
- Brilliant.
- Exactly.
- I think that's perhaps - It's over.
- .
a bit of an overstatement.
- It's not an overstatement.
It's an uber-statement, OK? - What? - Brilliant.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, BBC Head of Brand Siobhan Sharpe has arrived to present the BBC with a hello present to end all hello presents from PR giant Fun Media - the idea of a completely new online platform, BBC Me.
I mean, like, television - what is that? - I don't even know what that is.
- Yes, very good.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
NARRATOR: Against the background of a changing media environment, her mission is nothing less than to introduce the Renewal Group to the idea of the future, so that everybody knows how it works and where it's coming from, and will be able both to recognise it and know what to do with it when it arrives.
- I mean, I can see where you're going with this, Siobhan.
- You so cannot.
But just to inject a note of reality for a moment, I mean, - nearly 9 million people are watching Happy Valley at the moment.
- OK.
I mean, OK, it's not Morecambe & Wise any more.
OK, so I don't even know what that is, OK? No, but still, it's a lot of people, that's all.
OK, so I'm talking about the future here, right? - Well - OK, and you're talking about the past.
I'm talking about last Wednesday.
OK, that's exactly my point.
OK, that's over, right? - Well, no, but - I've got three words for you, guys.
U, G and C.
- Right.
- I'm sorry, Siobhan.
- So User - User generator - User generated - BOTH: User generated content.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
- Forget any other words, cos you're not going to need them any more.
- Yeah, so coming back to the present for a minute - Sure.
- .
which, I'm sorry, is where I am most of the time.
- Yes, me too, Neil.
- Brilliant.
- What would this BBC Me actually look like? - Sure, no, OK.
- How would it actually work? OK.
Um, so, say you're into body image, OK? - OK.
- Body image? - Sure.
- Yes, exactly.
I'm not being funny or anything, but I don't think that's going to work for Neil.
- I don't know, you say that, Tracey.
- OK, OK, OK.
- So say you're into bipolar.
- Into bipolar? - Sure.
Oh, right, OK, here we go.
So you've got issues around low self-esteem, whatever.
- Yeah, have I? - Yes.
So you upload stuff to BBC Me, badda bing, you've got a voice.
- Right.
- OK, and it's YOUR voice, OK? But it's also the voice of the BBC, which is, like, super-cool.
- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.
- Brilliant.
- Pretty soon, you've got a community.
Before you know it, you've got a range of memes.
- Right, OK.
- Memes? - Ugh.
I mean, we're in interesting territory here, aren't we? - Are we? - Yes, exactly.
- No, glorious, really.
- Although it's not a completely new idea, is it? - OK, it totally is, OK? - I mean, what we're talking about here, essentially it's a version of YouTube, isn't it? - Excuse me? - I mean - Are we suddenly, like, - mainlining 17-year-olds here? - We're what? - Like, duh.
No, I mean, I have to say, I mean, listen, - who knows where any of Tony's buttons are? - No.
But if anything's going to push them at the moment, - then one has to think that this is it.
- Yes, exactly.
It so is.
Tony who? - Tony Hall, Siobhan.
- Sure.
- Director General No, no, no, sure.
I'm good with that.
Yes, although is it just me or is there an argument for us making content for our audience, rather than them making content for us? - Yes.
- OK.
- I've got to say, I agree with you.
Yes, no, very good, Ian.
Very strong.
OK, what part of this are you not getting? - No, I get it, I just - OK, it's over.
OK? O-ver.
I mean, it's like, "Goodbye, BBC you guys.
Hello, BBC Me.
" - Yes.
- Right.
- Great.
- Yes, no, very good.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
- LAPTOP: - She gets off those five eggs NARRATOR: Later in the day, it's the afternoon, and assistant of some kind Will Humphries is hard at work.
takes advantage to fly up to the nest and check on those eggs.
But look at this.
He's quite NARRATOR: But Izzy Gould has stopped by to see him on a way to a meeting she's decided she's going to.
Will? - Hi, Izzy, yeah.
- Are you busy? Yeah, pretty busy, yeah.
- Right.
- Yeah, so, like, what I'm doing, I have to watch, like, catch-up for Ian Fletcher.
- Right, catch-up.
- Yeah, I know, mental.
Like, he's so busy, he doesn't have time to watch TV, so I have to watch stuff for him and write, like, a report.
- Right, interesting.
- Yeah, so today I'm watching Springwatch.
- Oh, right, OK.
- Yeah, the otters have died.
- Oh.
Well, that's - Yeah, I know, yeah, it's pretty sad.
I was actually wondering if you've got a moment.
- Yeah, no, say again? - I was wondering if you're free.
Yeah, OK, cool.
So I don't really know what this is about, OK? - OK, cool.
- I only found out about it by accident.
- So it's like what? - Well, it's a meeting.
- Yeah, meeting.
- That's all I know.
- Yeah, me too.
Yeah, cool.
Cos the thought I had, and this is just another thought I had about this, Mark, is maybe something like The Great British Bike Off.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, David Wilkes is already some way into his meeting with Head of Output Matt Taverner about On Your Bike, and, as usual, he's absolutely full of it.
So, you have different celebrities racing against each other each week.
Yeah, no, sure, that's great.
But then you have professional judges like - Hey, guys.
- Hi, Matt.
- Good to see you.
Hey, yeah, good to see you.
Yeah, cool.
- Hi, David.
- Hello, lovely.
- I said to Matt that it would be good for Will to be here for this as well.
- Yes.
- Yeah, I know, sure.
- Since it was actually his idea.
- Yes, no, lovely.
- Great.
Grab a seat, guys, grab a seat.
NARRATOR: Matt has called the meeting in order to bring everyone who's coming to it up to speed with some recent developments that have happened with the On Your Bike idea.
So headline is I've got, - like, a general catch-up with Anna next week.
- Right, yes.
- Anna? - What I'm going to say to her is I think this could have - real potential for BBC Me.
- Right.
- OK.
- Whoa.
- BBC Me? - Yeah, sure.
- Do you know what, Matt? That's really interesting, Matt.
- But BBC Me, that's like That's online, isn't it? - Sure.
That's going to be, like, user generated content.
Yes, it is, Izzy.
Yes, that's correct.
So how's that going to work with something like On Your Bike? - Sure.
- Which is, like, the exact opposite of that.
- Yeah, no, sure, that's great, Izzy.
We should maybe talk about that.
- Right.
NARRATOR: Such is the sudden buzz around the idea of BBC Me as a possible future for the BBC, that Matt is keen to have been developing ideas in that area for as long as possible.
I mean, don't get me wrong, Izzy, I love what you've done here.
- Right.
- Yes.
- Love where you've taken this idea.
- Genius.
- Yeah, me too.
So, yes, what's so great about this, originally anyway - Sure.
- .
is basically it's such a simple idea.
It's like a reinvention of the classic chat show, but, like, on a bike.
Yeah, no, sure, Izzy.
That's great.
So I guess what's really exciting about this is where we might - be able to get to with it from here.
- Right.
- Do you know what, Matt? I'm sat here listening.
I'm excited too.
- Sure.
- But, I mean - Hey, guys.
- Jack.
- Sorry.
Sorry I'm late.
- No, sure.
- Just a couple of Anna things I had to sort out.
- Sure.
Lovely Anna.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- So I asked Jack to look in cos I know you've had some - thoughts about this.
- Yeah, sure.
- Right.
- Hello, Will.
- Yeah, hey, no worries.
Yeah, cool.
- Hi.
- Hi, yes.
- Sorry if I'm late.
- No, you're not.
I was early for some reason.
- Well, here we are anyway.
- Yes, here we are, yes.
- Who'd have thought it? - Yes.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, across town, Lucy and Ian have escaped to Euston Station to begin a journey that will take them to Manchester, Salford, and ultimately all the way to the midweek Match Of The Day FA Cup third-round highlights package.
- No sign of Anna yet? - Not yet, no.
- Right.
- I don't know where she's coming from.
- No, neither do I.
I mean, we've got a bit of time, shall we go and get? - Oh, there she is.
- Oh, right, yes.
Anna, hi.
- Yes, hi, yes.
- Hi, Anna.
- Yes.
- Great.
- So we're all here.
- Yes.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
I was just asking Lucy, cos we've actually got a bit of time, haven't we? - If she wanted to go and get a coffee.
- Yes.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
I'll have a decaf skinny flat white.
- Right, em - Not in a cardboard thing.
No, I was actually suggesting us going and getting a coffee together.
- Yes.
- If that's something - Yes, exactly.
- Right, OK.
Cos one of the things at the moment, does this feel a bit? I don't know, does it feel a bit television? - Sure.
- A bit television? - Yeah.
- Yeah, no, sure.
NARRATOR: With a sudden bulge of ideas for the new BBC Me, part of Jack's job in betterness development involves helping to position ideas like On Your Bike to achieve maximum effect.
JACK: I was thinking, maybe it could be like loads of different people on different bikes, like, really fast.
Maybe a couple of words each.
- Sure.
- What? - Oh, my God.
- Cos, basically, what this is, it could be a selfie on a bike.
- Sure.
- I mean, that's - Oh, my God.
Stop it, Jack.
- You might want to talk about the title, obviously.
- Yeah, I know, sure.
That's great.
- But, sorry, Matt, but - Izzy, yep.
- That's, like, I don't really know where to start.
- Sure.
- It's like we're not talking about this any more now.
- No, sure.
This is not what Will came to me with.
This is something else.
Yeah, no, sure, that's great.
I guess the question to think about, - cos it feels to me like we're on a journey now with this.
- Right.
- Yes, we are, Matt, yes.
I mean, I don't know, I'm just putting this out there.
- I guess something to think about is whether or not that's a journey you want to go on.
- Yes.
Whatever you guys decide, OK, I completely get that, OK? Cos this is absolutely your thing.
- I think maybe Will and I need to talk about this.
- No, sure.
Yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.
ALAN SHEARER: There was no passing.
There was no energy about their game.
It made it easier than it should have been for the two - Here he is.
- Clive, hi.
- Hi, yes.
- Ian Fletcher.
- Yeah, hi, Ian.
Really good to meet you.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Ian, Lucy and Anna have got to the end of the line and have arrived at the Match Of The Day studios in the heart of Manchester, Salford.
- You know Anna.
- Hello.
Well, we've not met, but it's really good to meet you.
- Yes, exactly, yes.
- And Lucy, of course.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Lucy.
- Lucy Freeman.
- Good to meet you at last.
- Yes, you too.
- We've spent that much time on the phone and the bloody e-mail.
- I know.
- It's great to be able to - Yes, exactly, yes.
NARRATOR: As the BBC's Head of Football and Match Of The Day's Senior Executive Producer, Clive Cook is the man responsible for imagining everything that could possibly go wrong with the BBC's flagship live sport show.
- And then we spent the whole evening rehearsing.
- Right.
- So how's it going? - How's it going? - Yes, how's it going? - I mean with Ryan.
- Yes, exactly, with Ryan, yes.
- Well, we got through the tech, somehow.
- Right.
I have to say, we weren't sure how this was going to go initially, but I think we're at a point now where we can say - with some confidence that he is naturally crap.
- Right.
It's just something he's got in him, I think.
- Right, yes.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- SHEARER: - No, I mean, not a great night for Southampton by any means.
But Norwich came here with a clear intention, they kept their shape and they worked hard.
They had a plan and I guess they stuck to it.
Yeah, you've got to give them credit for that, Gary.
In the end, they got the result, which I'm sure they'd have taken before the start of the game.
35, the waiting is over and it's time for Match Of The Day.
Ryan, I know you were less than impressed with some of Southampton's defending.
- Yeah, I was, Gary.
Yeah, I was.
- Right.
Well, for me, they were poor.
For me, that's unacceptable.
I think you've got some examples that you wanted to highlight.
Yeah, I have, yeah.
Well, for me, they were poor, Gary.
For me, when you're poor at this level, you're going to end up getting beat.
Yes, they got a draw, but, I'm sorry, for me, that's not a win in my book.
I know you've been looking in particular at their defensive shape at the back.
Yeah, I have, yeah.
OK, right, so, if you look here Oh, no, wait.
There's a bit where if Oh, yeah, here we go.
Right, so, you've got your basic diamond, right? What happens if Yeah, so, Yoshida, he's in the channel on the left.
Oh, no.
On the right.
Bertrand's over here, look.
Hang on a minute.
Here we go.
He's in the hole behind Hojbjerg, who's gone all the way over here instead Now look.
Where's he going? Look, there he goes.
Oh, no, wait, is that Van Dijk? Yeah.
Whereas Ward-Prowse is basically left trying to make a diamond on his own, which, for me, I'm sorry, he's not going to do that.
I mean, it's not a diamond now anyway, is it? I mean, what is that? It's more It's kind of Oh, now, look, it's gone all It's not I mean, what is that? It's not even a shape, it's just like a pointy line.
I'm sorry, but, for me, you're not going to win games at this level with pointy lines, Gary.
- Right.
- I mean, if these were actual cars, right, this would literally be a car crash, do you know what I'm saying? It's poor.
For me, I'm sorry, that's not acceptable.
OK, well, three more games still to come tonight, and plenty of football to look forward to at the weekend in the Premier League, of course, with third place Arsenal taking on NARRATOR: Given where Salford is in relation to anywhere else, it was always going to be too late to get back to London.
- There you go, Mr Fletcher, 305.
- Right.
- Would you like any help with your luggage, or? - No.
- 305.
Yes, you're all next to each other, actually.
- Right.
- Is that going to be OK for you today? - Yes, I mean - As I say, if you would like any help with your - No, I don't want that.
Well, enjoy your night with us tonight.
- Yes, exactly.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yes, I know he did.
I know he was.
I know it hasn't.
No, I know you're not.
NARRATOR: At last, in the unashamedly budget hotel booked by the BBC, Ian has got a moment at the end of the day to enjoy some quiet nuts and an uninterrupted phone call from Senior BBC Press Officer Tracey Pritchard, who has phoned to bring him up to speed with the bad feeling she's got about how things have gone.
Yes, I know.
KNOCK AT DOOR No, I'm sure you haven't.
Listen, Tracey, it's 00.
Let's sleep on it and regroup in Yes, I know it is.
Yes, OK.
Yes, speak to you in No, I know it hasn't.
Speak to you in the morning.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Sorry, I don't want to - No, no.
- If you were - No, come in.
- I mean, if you are still up.
- Yes, well, apparently I am, yes.
- No, I was just talking to Tracey.
- Right, yes.
How is she? - Well, apparently Ryan Chelford is now trending on Twitter.
- Yes.
- #FootballSexy.
- Yes, I saw that.
Yes, but at the same time, according to Tracey, the complaints log have received over 400 calls from football fans.
- Right.
- Apparently the highest number of complaints in a single evening ever recorded in peacetime, or something.
- Really? Oh, dear.
- Yes, anyway, so that's all good.
- Anyway.
- Yes.
- So? - No, I don't want to disturb you.
No, that's OK.
I mean, do you want a glass of vaguely white wine? - Well - Oh, you might as well.
I'm never going to get through all this.
- No, it was just So I got this e-mail earlier.
- Right.
- I don't know if you got it too.
- An e-mail about what? Well, it Well, this.
No, right.
No, I didn't get this.
NARRATOR: Lucy has just found out that as part of the BBC's new More Of Less initiative, a key part of its preparation for Charter renewal, a new post of Head of Empowerment is to be created, combining both the existing roles of Head of Diversity and Head of Inclusivity, which are to be unimagined going forward.
- Sorry, when did you get this? - About an hour ago.
- Right.
- Yes, so I didn't really feel like sleeping.
I mean, do sit down, obviously.
I mean, I don't know what to say.
- No, well - Needless to say, this is the first I've heard of it.
What the hell's that? - I'm sorry, I don't - No.
- Oh.
- No.
- I don't know what - No, yes.
- Anna.
- Ah.
- Hi.
- Yes, exactly.
- The fact is, I'm not drunk.
- No, right.
- Yes, so - Yes, hi, Anna.
- Yes.
- Yes.