Warnie (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

Episode 2

- Hey, what about that blond kid?
- MAN: What, the chubby kid?
- He can spin a ball.
I got us a slab of beer,
a nice bottle of red.
I don't think so, Shane. I'm gonna pass.
- Do you think I'm good enough?
- No, I don't.
But you could be.
I'm in the team. I'm
playing for Australia!
start for Shane Warne.
I love you, Simone.
Women everywhere.
Shane wouldn't do that.
No more bets.
- For you.
- That's $5,000.
MAN: And with the hard work over,
it's now time for the boys to party.
COMMENTATOR: And Warne writhing
around on the ground in agony.
It's whether Shane Warne can
recover from shoulder surgery
and resume his brilliant career.
SHANE: I'm having a bit of a
rough time at the moment, Mum.
You look puffy in the face.
Are you overweight? Take a pill.
- I failed the drug test.
- What are you talking about?
It's it's the end of my career.
My baby does the hanky-panky ♪
Yeah, my baby does the hanky-panky ♪
My baby does the hanky-panky ♪
My baby does the hanky-panky ♪
My baby does the hanky-panky ♪
SHANE VOICEOVER: I can't believe this.
It's gotta be a dream.
Liz Hurley.
Oh, it's quite real. Trust me.
- You're kidding!
- What a hideous noise.
Just don't listen.
It's a false alarm.
It happens all the time.
Being burnt to a crisp
would not be ideal.
Oh, I forgot my things!
Well, at least you got both shoes.
VOICEOVER: Well, you
would, wouldn't you?
You think maybe someone paid
for those fire alarms to go off?
Hang on, hang on,
stop, stop. You people!
It's all you wanna know
about: the sex and the scandal.
I mean, seriously.
Can we just talk about cricket, please?
Without you ♪
Shane Warne will arrive
home in a few hours
and begin trying to clear his
name of the smear of drug cheat.
He faces a possible two-year ban,
which would almost
certainly end his career.
COMMENTATOR: The bombshell
was dropped without warning
with the Australians asleep
in their Johannesburg hotel.
Brooke, can you please turn that off?
Jackson? Jackson, buddy.
What are you doing?
Jackson, move away from there, please.
Come over here. Come
here. Come on, buddy.
- Look who's here!
Look who's here, it's Dadda! Go say hi!
cricket, Shane Warne is expected
- Dadda!
- Hey, Jackson!
Can you please take her?
Oh, can I?
Can I take my fabulous girl, Summer?
Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer!
Summer, Summer, Summer!
Hey! Hey, Jackson, Jackson?
Hey, Brookey? Brooke?
What's yellow and runs down a tree?
Monkey vomit. (MIMICS RETCHING)
- Shane? Shane?
Shane, your mum and dad are here.
Huh? Oh, you wanna go down? (YELLS)
- Yep. No, no, no, come here.
- Jack, come here. Give me a hug.
- Yeah!
- Yeah. Oh!
God Almighty, they're like
animals at the zoo out there!
Yeah, sorry.
Thank God you're home safe.
That's all that matters.
MAN: Are you on drugs, Warnie?!
The substance they found is
supposedly a masking agent.
It means they can hide the steroids
so they don't show up in a test.
Shane wouldn't take steroids.
I wouldn't take any kind of drug.
He's always been anti-drug, always.
You did recover super fast.
Well, I did intensive rehab
with a world-class physio
I know, I'm just saying!
It's a fluid tablet. He
took it to look slimmer.
He was looking a bit flabby.
One tablet, though.
What's one tablet gonna do?
Well, it makes you go to the loo.
It's a mistake. You just explain.
Yeah, but if I say that, then
it looks like I'm blaming Mum,
and then I look like a dickhead.
Well, I think we're past that point.
I'm not having a go at
you, it's just kind of true:
and no-one is blaming Mum.
I don't understand, though,
why did you have diet pills?
- Are you dieting?
- I get high blood pressure.
I took one pill.
It's a misunderstanding.
That's all it is.
(YAWNS) Both girls finally off to sleep.
Jackson was asleep before
his head hit the pillow.
(SIGHS) It's been a big week, hey?
So, this this fluid tablet
I don't wanna talk about
it. I've spent all day
Well, I'm just why?
I don't understand, were you
that anxious about your weight?
I had a press conference.
Someone made a comment.
Then this dickhead was making
jokes on the radio and I just
What happened
Mum said something as well.
I don't know.
What happened to the man
who doesn't give a shit
about what any of them think?
Well, yeah, when I'm playing
in a match, I don't care,
but you know, away
from cricket, it's just
Sweetheart, I
You know that person I
am on the field, right?
- You know, I'm a hard-arse, arrogant.
- Mmm.
Well, sometimes I wish
I was him off the field.
Well, you give it a good go, hon.
Do I?
I I don't wanna be like that to you.
- What?
- I'm serious.
I am different off the field, aren't I?
Hey. Of course you are!
You're a big, soft, fat fuck.
Thanks, Simone. I was trying
to have a serious conversation.
I am being serious.
You just need to quit cricket.
You'd be a much nicer person.
Now, come to bed, fatty.
Oh, OK! That's enough of that
comment, thank you very much.
- VOICEOVER: She was right, of course.
But you give up something when
you're the best in the world.
See how you go.
Well, I can confirm that
the fluid tablet I took
was given to me by my mum.
Contrary to speculation,
taking it had nothing to do with
the treatment of my shoulder injury
or the masking of any banned substance.
He did reveal who gave
him the diuretic tablet.
NEWSREEL: Warne says it was
given to him by his mother
so he would look better for the cameras.
VOICEOVER: I had to face
a special tribunal hearing
at Cricket Board HQ, in front
of a judge and everything.
I know present in the room here
we have representatives
from Cricket Australia
and the Australian Sports
Anti-Doping Authority,
as well as a number of
legal representatives
of Mr Shane Keith Warne.
Kerry Packer sent me the
best legal team in Australia,
God bless him, but here's the thing.
This tribunal was
secret. No press allowed.
To this day, no-one knows
what was said in there.
I can tell you, they went after me.
You've said that you took
one tablet only in January.
One tablet that you got from
your mother. That's correct?
That is correct.
But according to Sports
Drug Agency documentation,
traces of diuretic were detected
in your urine in mid-December.
In February, a sheet of
tablets was in your possession.
A whole sheet.
You took them with you all
the way to South Africa.
Well, they were just in my bag.
At least two tablets were
missing from that sheet.
Yeah, I'm not
I don't run a pharmacy,
I I play cricket.
VOICEOVER: Then they questioned
my mum like she was on trial:
like a criminal.
I will never, ever forgive that.
- Mrs Warne. Can I call you Brigitte?
- You can call me what you like.
You've made a statement that
you were the source of the drug.
I don't think I called it a drug.
Did you have a conversation
about the substance with your son?
Yes, I said, "Here, take this.
It'll get rid of your double chin."
Did it occur to you that it
may have been a banned substance
or that someone should check?
It wasn't banned in our
house. I had a ton of them.
NEWSREEL: News just in from Melbourne.
The Warne hearing has been adjourned
until 11:00 tomorrow morning.
What's the worst they can do?
Oh, ban me for two years.
That's the usual penalty,
according to the lawyers.
I mean, if they do that, I'm
finished. I just have to retire.
Well, surely the Cricket
Board don't want that.
- They need you in the team.
- Well, yeah.
I mean, their own doctor said that
there are exceptional circumstances
'cause they didn't find a single
trace of steroids in my system.
Yeah, but I thought that the thing
you took, it hides the steroids.
I didn't take any steroids, Simone!
OK, OK! I'm just saying.
Their logic isn't very logical.
Two years.
I can't.
They'll just they'll
give me a warning.
A fine, you know.
Something like that.
Do you think that's
sometimes why you do stuff?
'Cause you can get away with it?
What do you mean?
No, I'm just curious.
Like, you never thought
to check if it was banned?
The thought never entered my head.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just stupid.
But you're not, Shane, so
that's why I get confused.
You're really not stupid.
Well, I don't know the answer.
Or if I did, I'd Id get it fixed.
MAN: The committee found
the offensive proved
and imposed on player Shane Warne
a ban for the period of 12 months.
I am absolutely devastated. Very upset.
- I will appeal.
I feel I am the victim
of anti-doping hysteria.
I also wanna repeat
that I have never taken any
performance-enhancing drugs,
and I never will.
Shane Warne says he's
devastated by the decision
to ban him from all cricket for year.
If his appeal fails, he'll
miss five test series,
which surely would have seen him
become the highest test
wicket taker in history.
BRIGITTE: I'm sorry, love.
Don't even, it is
absolutely not your fault.
No, I'm sorry for YOU, love.
I can't even play local cricket.
They won't even let me bowl
to Jackson down the park!
It's a witch hunt, absolute.
I mean, tell Michael Jordan,
"You can't touch a
basketball for a year."
Tell Jimmy Barnes he can't sing.
- Well, he can't.
- You know what I mean.
He screams. He's got a set of lungs.
That's not the point!
I'm I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
BRIGITTE: It's alright. You're upset.
Come on, darling. Shall
we go play some LEGO?
You know, I made one
stupid mistake and I'm out.
Steve Waugh, strike now.
Hit down the fine leg. Will go for four.
Stephen Waugh.
Passes Sir Donald Bradman's
VOICEOVER: If I wasn't playing cricket,
what was I supposed to do?
Heya! Ahh!
- Ohh!
- Hey, you wanna go somewhere?
Oh! (GRUNTS) Where?
Go to the movies, the
mountains, the moon.
- Oh!
I think I'll stay here.
Are you thinking you'll sulk
for the full 12 months, or ?
Just so I can plan ahead.
Oh, maybe not the full 12, but
probably the first six or seven.
You know what it's like when I go out.
"Hey, Warnie. How's your
mum? Warnie, got any pills?"
How can you watch?
Well, I can't, and then I can't not.
Steve Waugh's hit his century.
He's gonna win us the match.
(SIGHS) I should have been captain.
You know, instead I'm what am I?
Who am I?
- And a fire toy.
- Da Dad!
- Dad?
- Daddy!
- Well, there you go.
- The kids know.
- Daddy!
(ROARS) Jackson!
what you're thinking:
why wasn't I captain, even before that?
Well, to be honest, I was being punished
for another incident back in 2000.
I was playing for
Hampshire in the off-season.
Simone and the kids came for a visit,
and this particular weekend,
I was away with the team.
Good boy.
Good boy! Here we go.
- There we go.
So, look, there's a
story in today's paper.
Yeah, the President of Syria died.
Is that what you're talking about?
Oh, wait. There's this one as well.
Married cricketer Shane Warne
makes obscene phone calls.
Look, it's not how
it was. I can explain.
Just come home.
- Can you just give me the paper?!
- No! I just don't wanna
- Just give me the paper!
- Just don't talk to me right now!
I didn't touch her,
Simone! I promise you!
"Oh, Donna, where are you? I
could see the wine all over her."
Oh, that's bullshit,
because I never said
You gave her your room key!
No, I didn't. I didn't
give her my room key.
"Warne met 22-year-old
Donna Wright, a nurse,
in a nightclub in Leicester"!
I was out with the guys!
- She came, she said hello
- But you called her!
- I don't remember what I said
- You called her that week!
- She's 22, Shane!
- Can you stop reading it?!
Nothing happened with
her! Nothing happened!
Right, all of this is
made up, then? Seriously!
Yeah. Yes.
No, I mean, we we talked.
- We talked.
- You talked.
Yeah, but that was it.
It was just talking!
What did you talk about:
the game? Pitch? Weather?
Whether or not you could fucking bat?!
No, no! You know what I mean.
"He left messages saying the most
perverted things I've ever heard."
Fuck, Shane.
- Mum, I wanna go out!
- So do I. I feel sick.
Um, darling, we can't go
outside. Do you know why?
'Cause there's some silly people,
but do you know what we can do?
We can watch 'Tugboat',
'cause it's on telly!
You wanna put 'Tugboat' on?
Go on! Go, go, go!
She was woken up by reporters
screaming from the front gate.
One of them threw a newspaper
at me, through the door!
That's crossing the
line. I'm going out there!
Shane, don't! Don't!
Just tell me the truth.
Do you wanna go on a break?
Do you wanna see other people?
No. Simone, I
- Don't.
- Hey.
I love you. I'm not
interested in anyone else.
- That
- I've told you.
- That can't be true!
- I've told you. They're lying!
- They're lies!
Do not don't treat me
like an idiot, Shane
Hello. This is Shane speaking.
Well oh, that's no!
I think there are two
sides to every story.
No, I don't think well
I don't know.
Hey, sweetheart.
Come on. Sleepy time.
Can you give me your hand?
I saw you before, yawning
your face off. Yes, I did.
Cheeky monkey, cheeky monkey!
You gonna jump into bed for me?
- Ahh!
- Ahh!
Rainbow toad!
- Ahh!
- Come on, come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no more sillies.
- She OK?
- Yeah, yeah.
Look, um
vodka, Red Bull, lack of sleep
I made a lot of excuses.
They're all bullshit.
I'm sorry.
I did the wrong thing.
Simone, I'm sorry.
First tonight, the woman who may
have killed off Shane Warne's dream
of ever becoming
Australian cricket captain.
22-year-old nurse and
single mother Donna Wright
has accused the star
bowler of harassing her
with a series of sexually
explicit phone calls
after a chance meeting last
month in a Leicester nightclub.
Donna Wright agreed to this,
her first and only television interview.
Many people think the 'Daily Mirror'
paid you vast sums
of money to go public.
- Is that true?
- No.
A donation will be made
to the to my workplace.
The children's hospital?
Erm, the children's unit.
And you're not being
paid for this interview?
This interview, no.
I don't want paying. I just
want it all over and done with.
VOICEOVER: I thought it was all
over and done with, but it wasn't.
100%, yeah.
Nah, I hear that.
Yeah, great.
Great. Thanks.
They want me to go on TV,
tell my side of the story.
You've got a side, do you?
Wh why do you have to say
anything? It's embarrassing enough!
Yeah, I know, I don't wanna
give it any more publicity.
So, don't do the interview!
I have to.
People, they want a public apology.
People. People like who?
I don't know. Everyone.
The executive producer, he
called me before and he said
A TV producer? Who care what
he thinks? It's not up to him!
Well, they broadcast the cricket,
so, it kind of is up to him a bit.
You know, plus she
went on the show, right?
She told her side of the story.
- I should do the same.
- It's no-one's business.
You you said that yourself!
I know.
Yeah, I know, and I agree with that,
but if I don't do it
people will get pissed off.
The fans and that.
You really think the
fans will give a shit?
Well, OK, but the Cricket
Board, you know, the sponsors.
Like I said before, TV network.
Right, so, you go and talk
about our marriage, our marriage,
so they can sell more stuff?
More sunglasses?
Kinda, yeah.
(EXHALES) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm vice-captain of the Australian team.
Well, I wanna be captain one day.
Maybe you should have
thought of that before you
Oh, I know, I know. OK.
- MAN: OK, standby, folks.
We're going live.
OK, in five, four, three
MAN: Shane, thanks for your time.
Last night Donna Wright told us she
would accept an apology from you.
Do you believe you have
anything to apologise for?
Good evening, Mike.
It's been very disappointing, the
exaggeration and sensationalism.
As an international sportsman
who gets pestered a bit,
I would never, ever harass somebody.
So, you believe you've got
nothing to apologise for?
Well, what happened, I didn't start it.
So, how did she get your hotel room key?
I never put the room
key in her back pocket.
I'm just not sure what
happened. I really don't know.
- Let's just
- TJ!
- Hey, Sim.
- (KISSES) Hey.
- Shane said you were in town.
- She says you came on to her
Well, yeah, we were planning
on a practise session.
Yeah, it's disappointing.
I mean, I'm obviously
but it's all been pretty
much one-sided, saying
So, how you going?
I was leaving dirty messages
and all those types of things,
and I think what's most disappointing
is that she was reciprocating and
laughing with her friends about it
I know.
Sorry, I thought he was on his own,
- I'm staying down the road, so
- It's OK, it's OK.
- I'm glad you're here.
- Well, obviously my wife, Simone,
was disappointed with what I did,
but we're like any married couple.
We've had our ups and downs,
and, well, she's stood by me.
Donna Wright also claims that
you actually performed a sex act
while you were on the phone with her.
Yeah, as I said before,
there was a bit of dirty talk.
Unfortunately, things happen, but
I thought it was a private matter.
I didn't think it was
gonna become public,
and now that it has become
public, I supposed it's a mistake,
and if it had stayed private,
well, it wasn't a mistake.
Have you learned from this incident?
Oh, hopefully I won't be talking on
the phone about this sort of stuff,
just in case it does become public.
- And, Shane, do you still want
- Sim!
to captain Australia one day?
Oh, absolutely. I'd love to.
I think we should just
put all this behind us
and get back to playing cricket.
Alright, Shane, look, thanks for
talking to us, and we appreciate it.
Shane Warne facing the music there,
and let's hope, next
time we speak to him,
it's about his exploits on the field.
We'll take a break, then families
fighting back against the rise
TJ! How you going?
of mobile phone towers.
Where's Simone?
She left.
She alright?
Oh, she's over the moon.
What do you think?
Let's get out of here.
Oh, you're angry with me?
You could have just
apologised, just once, Jesus!
Well, I'm sorry, TJ!
- Not to me, idiot!
- I know what you meant!
Look, Simone and I, we've
spoken, OK? We've talked.
It doesn't matter what
anyone else thinks.
Yeah, but Jesus!
No, look, you're right:
it's none of my business!
You got a beautiful girl there.
You had every opportunity to
mend the fence a little bit.
Instead, you blew up the
whole bloody front yard:
made a complete arse of yourself!
I'm not judging you, Shane
Yeah, it sounds like
you might be just a bit.
I'm the last one to judge.
I made a bloody big mess of my life!
You know, I ended up
in prison, as you know.
Do you ever think, maybe, it's
just a spin bowler thing, right?
You know, deceive, destroy.
- Spin bowling: it's the art of deception
- Don't be a bloody idiot!
Well, maybe it's just in our genes.
You gotta keep it in your jeans!
Oh, nice! I like that.
I'm serious, Shane.
Compulsive behaviour,
that's what put me in jail,
that's what brought me
undone, compulsive behaviour.
VOICEOVER: Not long after
that, I got the call.
The Australian Cricket Board.
Malcolm Speed, CEO.
We're relieving you of
the role of vice-captain.
I wanted to tell you myself, Shane.
Why? What have I done?
A string of headlines. Scandals!
Oh, one or two incidents
blown out of proportion.
I mean, I can still play cricket.
I can still bowl, I can
still outsmart a batsman.
What's this?
Yep. Newspaper articles.
Magazines. Whatever.
From all over the world.
Last four years or so.
Have a read about yourself.
Saw the knives out ♪
Turned my back ♪
Heard the train coming ♪
Stayed out on that track ♪
In the middle ♪
In the middle ♪
In the middle of a dream ♪
I lost my shirt I pawned my rings ♪
I done all the dumb things ♪
I melted wax to fix my wings ♪
I've done all the dumb things ♪
Yeah, I threw my hat into the ring ♪
I've done all the dumb things ♪
Well, I thought that I ♪
Well yes.
Oh, this is just temporary, right?
Me losing the vice-captaincy, it's
you know, it's just
till all this dies down?
Well, is this gonna
die down any time soon?
Three years on, I'm out altogether,
thanks to the diuretic drama.
Somehow, I'd gone from golden
boy to national villain.
I'd had my shoulder
wrecked, fixed again,
then wrecked again.
Surgery twice on my finger.
I'd been dropped from the team,
stripped of the vice-captaincy,
labelled a sex pervert,
and a drug cheat,
and now I'm banned for 12 months.
Um oh, I'm running out.
- I'm gonna grab more.
- Me too.
VOICEOVER: As much as I loved
hanging out with the kids,
I felt like I was cursed.
How to stop the landslide of shit.
One thing about having
an addictive personality,
it works both ways.
If I go healthy, I go crazy healthy.
I worked hard to get my dad bod ♪
I worked hard to get my dad bod ♪
MAN: Shane Warne is on the
verge of a third comeback.
That is unbelievable.
MAN: Should he even
be considered to play?
We've done well without him.
It's Shane Warne. He's
gotta be considered.
But the shoulder injury alone,
there's no way he could
ever be the bowler he was.
Those days are gone.
The second comeback after
the shoulder surgery,
that was a miracle in itself.
I mean, this is nuts! Come on, really.
I actually don't think
we need Shane Warne!
We have to move forward.
The guy can't play forever, I
mean, sadly. I wish he could!
Australia can't rely on him
forever to get us out of trouble.
My physique is unique ♪
How is it feeling? Does it hurt?
Not at all. I've got no pain.
12 months rest. They did you a favour.
Yeah, I should get banned more often.
Dad bod, dad bod ♪
the first place I broke
through in Test cricket in '92.
The question now, 12 years later
was I still any good?
COMMENTATOR: Australia versus Sri
Lanka, the first day of the Test,
and we have some real added spice here.
and you can see on your screen
the all-time top three Test bowlers.
With Courtney Walsh now retired,
the race is on for Warne versus
Murali to claim the record.
Talk about extra motivation.
The great Sri Lankan spinner,
Murali, as I call him,
he and I were going head-to-head
for the world record
number of Test wickets.
In that first Test back from
the ban, I took ten wickets,
including my 500th.
straight up in the air.
Andrew Symonds is under it,
and there is wicket number 500!
I took ten more in the second
Test, and six in the third.
It was one of the best
series I ever played.
That is special stuff!
Shane Warne, you are a champion!
A few months later, Sri
Lanka was hit by a tsunami.
30,000 people lost their lives.
I rang Murali.
He said, "Get here,"
so I got on a plane.
We played cricket with
kids, gave out toys.
I mean, it was just devastating.
They say I'm just a
bogan from Black Rock.
Well, some days, that's the
luckiest thing in the world.
No, I definitely think
we'll need new boxes.
We we are filling them up so
Sorry, two seconds.
Girls, girls, hang on, just
Um, sorry. Still there?
Yep, what I'll do is I'll
do a new list and then
Thank you. (LAUGHS)
Thanks. OK, bye.
It's a business, all this packing.
At least we got a few
weeks up our sleeves.
I don't wanna move house!
Nonsense! Going back to
England. What an adventure.
I like it here!
Brookey, did you tell Nanna
about your fancy new travel case?
I'm not going to England!
I'm not going!
Goodness me, do you want to stay
here with Nanna? I'll look after you.
Brooke, I want you to
take Summer, please.
Find her shoes, get yourselves ready.
Here we go. (GROANS) There you go.
Good girl. Good girl.
I'll be sad.
It was bad enough last time,
and you were only gone
for a month or something.
I don't think it's sunk in for me yet.
The school did a little
farewell thing for the kids.
Do you know what, doesn't work
out, you can always come back.
I am never moving house ever again.
stage, I was already in England,
playing for Hampshire again.
I loved it.
Captaincy: the chance to build a team.
The camaraderie.
We had a young gun batsman
named Kevin Pietersen.
He'd go on to be one of England's best.
A lot's been said about KP:
that he was arrogant,
difficult, or whatever.
He and I got along fine:
both on and off the field.
Look, here's how it is.
You walk down the street
and you can feel it.
The energy.
Heads turn. People wanna say hi.
You know, get close, touch you.
They want the Warnie show,
and I hate to disappoint.
People say this stuff's shallow,
it's not what life's about.
The truth is, these are some
of the best nights of your life.
I don't want to regret ♪
The stuff I never said ♪
The chance we never get ♪
Is it special or easy? ♪
Am I free or am I ♪
Anywhere ♪
Near your neck? ♪
Fuck it, I locked it I lost it again ♪
Fuck it, I locked
it I lost it again ♪
SHANE: But on this night,
I couldn't, could I?
I had to say no.
Fuck it, lock it I can't say ♪
I can't say ♪
I had enough trouble last
time we were in England.
At some point, you have to
grow up, learn to behave.
Or maybe you don't.
I mean, life's not a dress rehearsal.
Room 17 ♪
It all comes together ♪
It's about having fun.
Isn't it?
And stuff in your heart ♪
Yeah! ♪
Coffins are shining
above your ceiling ♪
Who knows? Who knows?
WOMAN: The 2005 Ashes
are set to begin
and the Aussies are on
English soil, preparing for battle.
Shane Warne has the chance to
become the first ever bowler
to take 600 wickets.
Oh, you made it!
Come on! Finally Oh You got here.
Come on!
Wait till you see the
size of your bedrooms.
- Oh
- Let's go in the kitchen.
- New house. Come on, come on.
- Come on.
Wow! Look at the size of it!
- It's awesome!
- It's huge!
- Do you want to look at the backyard?
- Go on, go on, go on.
- Hey, babay.
- Oh, my God.
Are you right?
Mm-hm. That was a long flight. (LAUGHS)
I thought about it.
But I can't do it.
The answer's no.
Come on, Laura. We've
been back and forth.
10,000 pounds and a holiday.
That's my best offer.
It's not about the money.
I'm not that person.
I know you're not.
Nobody is.
Look, tomorrow,
someone else is gonna come forward
and the day after that as well.
get ahead of the queue.
Laura Sayers. Do you know her?
The newspaper's gonna publish.
Can we stop them? Can we call someone?
Yeah, I don't know.
Is it true?
Is it late?
I'm still on Melbourne time.
Hon, what's wrong?
There's a newspaper article.
It's another girl.
- You couldn't even manage
- Oh Oh
You couldn't manage eight fucking weeks!
I'm sorry. It's just, you
know I I didn't
Eight weeks!
Yeah, can you just calm down? Right?
Sim Sim
We moved house! We moved
God, you little cunt!
- We moved for you, Shane!
- Simone, shh
Don't tell me to shush! Don't you dare!
Look, I'm sorry, OK?
I'm sorry. We just
- We just need to talk.
- No.
- Alright?
- No. No, we really, really don't.
MAN: Simone! Simone!
Move! Move!
How are they?
Are they alright?
They're OK.
They're kids.
They're confused.
Who isn't?
I am really
I am really, really sorry.
Oh, don't, Shane.
I can't do it anymore.
Don't say that.
I mean, we can work this out.
I can I can change.
I'll I'll do anything.
Honestly, I Shane
- I know I've been stupid I know
- Please, just stop.
Just stop.
This isn't a test match, Shane.
You don't have to keep going.
What do you actually want?
I want I want you.
I want you and I want the kids
No, you don't.
You don't. Not really.
Are you joking?
They mean the world to me, Simone.
I would do anything for our kids.
- I'd do anything for you
- It's not the point.
It's not the point. You can't
You can't do it.
Marriage. You're
You're no good at it.
But I
Just stop, Shane!
What do you want?
I want not to be humiliated.
Was there more than one?
- Drive! Drive, Shane!
- There's people in the way!
Drive! Just go! Just go!
- Just go!
- Just get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
Where's your mama gone? ♪
Where's your mama gone? ♪
Little baby, Don ♪
Little baby, Don ♪
Where's your mama gone? ♪
Where's your mama gone? ♪
Far, far away ♪
Where's your papa gone? ♪
Where's your papa gone? ♪
RICHIE BENAUD: He's got him just
fractionally above the elbow.
Where's your papa gone? ♪
- Where's your papa gone? ♪
Far, far away ♪
got the Australian captain.
And he's in trouble here.
CROWD: Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
SHANE: "Where's your missus gone?"
Over and over, for hours.
Truly, it would go
on all day, every day.
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Where's your missus gone? ♪
Far, far away ♪
- 'Cause my missus HAD gone.
- Far, far away ♪
Simone had taken the kids
and gone back to Australia,
as any sane person would.
I wrecked my marriage.
All by myself.
My daughter Brooke had given me
a farewell present, a wristband.
I wore it all the time.
It kept me alive.
In the first Ashes test, we killed it.
Glenn McGrath, aka 'Pigeon',
took nine wickets and I took six.
- COMMENTATOR: Brilliant.
The second test was
said to be the best ever.
COMMENTATOR: Bowled him!
It was right up there.
TONY GREIG: There it is.
Oh, he's hit him hard here.
Pigeon was out injured.
The game seesawed.
It was crazy, but England
beat us by two runs.
Two runs!
Kasprowicz the man to go
In spite of the singalong, I'd
taken 16 wickets in two tests.
I was playing some of the
best cricket of my life.
At night, I was pathetic.
I drank vodka and
sobbed to 'Pup' Clarke.
Lucky old Pup.
We were all square going into
the third test in Manchester.
I got there: the big 600.
COMMENTATOR: What's that
done? Now, then Yes! Out!
600 test match wickets for Shane Warne!
SHANE: I kissed the
wristband, a sign to Brooke:
I miss you, I love you
and one day I'll make it up to you,
one day I'll be the dad you deserve.
The whole series came down to
the last day of the last match.
Kevin Pietersen - remember him?
- smashed it out of the park.
RICHIE BENAUD: That's a beautiful stroke
with which to make your
maiden test century
the last test match
of an Ashes series
- Catch!
Freddie Flintoff and I
won men of the series.
I said goodbye to the crowd, to
the English fans, God love them.
CROWD: (CHANTS) Wish you were English!
I don't know who it was,
but someone once said
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
SHANE: So many sports stars
don't know when to stop.
Or they can't stop until they're
forced out by injury or worse,
the tap on the shoulder.
- I made my own decision to go.
First of all, I'd like to
thank you all for coming.
Today, I announce my retirement
from international cricket.
I'll play out the rest of this
test series and that's it for me.
You have a chance to be the first
ever person to take 700 wickets.
I mean, why (LAUGHS) Why
would you retire before that?
Well, as I said before, I'll
play out the next two tests, so
You back yourself to reach the 700?
I've backed myself so far.
It's worked out OK.
- SHANE: Why did I do it?
Honestly, the breakdown of my marriage.
That changed everything for me.
For one thing, I stopped lying.
I didn't have to do anymore.
And that question of
Simone's, "What do you want?"
What do you actually want?
I wanted to take time out and hang
out with the kids, be a proper dad,
before it was too late.
But first, the Boxing Day test,
the last one I'd ever
play in my home town.
A few people turned up to watch.
90,000 screaming fans.
(LAUGHS) My God, did
they make some noise!
be tough work for Shane Warne
given that it's day
one here at Melbourne.
A lot of moisture around.
Then, suddenly, they'd go so quiet.
BILL LAWRY: Collingwood
sweeps fine. Should be four.
MARK TAYLOR: Got him! There it is!
Wicket number 700!
And they can't catch him!
Everything seemed to lead
to that one perfect moment.
Through the gate and has got Strauss!
You got the feeling he was
writing the script, Shane Warne
and in front of his home
crowd, he holds the ball aloft.
No better way than to hit the
stumps for wicket number 700.
SHANE: I was never much into horseracing
but for some reason I said yes to
a VIP ticket at Goodwood in England.
How you going?
And lucky I did 'cause
that's where I met Elizabeth.
Um, would you mind?
Shane Warne.
Oh, my God.
I'm starstruck.
(LAUGHS) Well, I think that's, um
Well, that'd be my line.
- Hello.
- Hello.
I'm Elizabeth.
Yeah. I know. (LAUGHS)
It's hard to explain
but we just clicked.
We got on like a house on fire.
- Or even a hotel.
- Small problem.
At this stage, I was kind of
- sort of
look, how do I put
this back with Simone.
- I know. I know
- Look, it's complicated
and we'd organised to go away
together for Christmas with the kids,
SHANE: I had a bit of explaining to do.
Look, open, honest, full disclosure
I have a new girlfriend.
Her name's Elizabeth.
She was in 'Austin Powers'.
The movie.
SHANE: Yeah, that didn't go so well.
The media circus was nuts
especially in Australia.
A lot of the time, we
just couldn't go out.
- We were trapped, which
oh, suited me just fine.
Oh, my God. What is that hideous noise?
- It's a helicopter.
- Ah, it'll run out of fuel eventually.
- Hopefully not overhead.
MAN: Shane Warne has been
accused of cheating on Liz Hurley,
reportedly texting a
Melbourne businesswoman
WOMAN: Shane Warne and
Liz Hurley are engaged
WOMAN: They got married
- WOMAN: Shane Warne and Liz Hurley
- WOMAN: Liz Hurley is pregnant
- That's the rumour
- WOMAN: Liz Hurley pregnant?
- WOMAN: is a Scientologist
- WOMAN: Well, it's possible
MAN: Liz Hurley's in the new
James Bond and Shane is furious
WOMAN: Shane Warne's
terrible break-up with Liz
Jeez, you've been busy.
SHANE: Around that
time, I got a phone call,
one of those phone calls
you just don't ever want.
What, you're waiting out
the front door for me?
Heard you coming down the street.
How did you know it was me?
Your exquisite taste in music.
Thanks for coming.
Sorry I couldn't make it sooner.
How you doing?
The heart attack did a lot of damage.
The doctor said
Let's not talk about it, eh?
Let me know if you two run
out of things to talk about.
- TJ, if you need anything, I'm
- No.
Look at this.
TONY GREIG: (ON TV) Oh, they've got him.
I think that's out!
I think he's actually
TJ, what are you doing?
- This is
- Just look at it.
IAN HEALY: (ON TV) 998 wickets
Warne and McGrath share in
games they've played together.
Thank you, says Warne.
Thank you, says the crowd.
A love-hate relationship that
English crowds have had with him
I think has turned to love.
Love only.
Well, you have your good days and
- Hey, TJ
- Shut up.
Look at it.
Someone will do it better.
Yeah, and they'll do
it better soon enough.
Yeah, well, I won't be around for it.
I'm as good as gone.
Never had that bottle of red.
It's a bit early for wine, but
I'll give it a go if you will.
- You're not fuckin' having it now.
You had your chance.
I go, um, to the French
embassy and I don't speak it,
and they would not tolerate that.
I'm not surprised, those Frenchmen.
Mm-hm. Yes, I really
think that's perfect.
I've just gotta call someone.
No worries. I'll be a couple of minutes.
Yeah, no, go for it. Call them.
I was just wondering if
you could do the 22nd.
No. No, I'm in LA for
a poker tournament.
We could meet there.
I'm in Paris for Estee Lauder.
Following Friday?
I've got a charity golf game. Melbourne.
Come on. Surely you can skip that.
Well, it's for sick kids, you know.
Plus, I want to see my own kids.
What about the weekend of
the fifth? I'm totally free.
Cast read-through for the new show.
Can you come?
What, to New York?
Well, you're free.
You just said.
Yeah, but, well, it's
Summer's birthday on the Monday
and Simone's doing a dinner,
the whole thing, you know.
Oh, we'll we'll figure something out.
Hey, um
what are you, uh
what are you wearing right now?
You can make it up. It
doesn't have to be real.
Not now.
We seem to have hit a wall.
I mean, don't
Don't say that.
SHANE: If I learnt one thing in my life,
I'm not the best in the world
at long-distance relationships.
Oh, except with my kids.
I seemed to be able to connect
with them no matter where I was.
(LAUGHS) Dad, you're an idiot.
- Oh, well, at least I'm not smart
- At least you're not What?
- That doesn't make sense.
- Gotcha!
See? Got you with that one.
- (SIGHS) You're a dag.
- Yeah?
Well, at least I'm not a smart dag.
Let me have a go.
Hang on, hang on. There's
There's a trick to it.
Yeah, and you never know the trick.
That's not true. I'm the only
one who knows the trick. Alright?
- Oh, my God.
- Dad, move.
Jackson knows how it works.
SHANE: People used to
ask me all the time,
how much do you think was just
luck, getting lucky with the ball?
Well, I'd like to say more
hard work than anything, but
Horrible. Get out of the way.
with my family,
boy, did I get lucky!
- I reckon Mum could do it.
- She will not do better than me.
- Here we go.
- Mum
I made some horrible mistakes.
In sporting terms, I played some
shockers and yet somehow we held on.
Me and the kids just
got closer and closer.
Simone and I stayed friends to the end.
How could you not?
Forget the Gatting ball.
That's the real miracle, right there.
SHANE: So, did I deserve
it, all this kerfuffle,
all this worship on
the holy altar of fame?
That's not for me to judge.
That's for you.
But, yeah, I I think I probably did.
COMMENTATOR: Well, that has
turned about two and a half feet.
Gatting can't believe his eyes.
What a start for Shane Warne.
COMMENTATOR: What's that done?
Now, then Yes! Out!
600 test match wickets for Shane Warne!
What a moment!
MARK TAYLOR: Got him! There it is!
Wicket number 700!
And they can't catch him!
Shane Warne, through the
gate, has got Strauss.
IAN HEALY: 998 wickets,
Warne and McGrath share
in games they've played together.
Thank you, says Warne.
Thank you, says the crowd.
The love-hate relationship that
English crowds have had with him
I think has turned to love.
Love only.
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