Wellington Paranormal (2018) s01e06 Episode Script
Zombie Cops
('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' TH EME MUSIC) Captions by Ella Wheeler.
Edited by Antony Vlug.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
First up, congratulations to Donovan and Lopepe.
They responded to reports from residents in Hataitai who reported hearing gunfire and responded immediately.
Kia or a.
just some kids throwing marbles at a shed, sir.
But you didn't know that, and you still went in without hesitation.
And we've also got a card for Constable Parker, who responded to a call-out about kids throwing marbles in Khandallah and ended up getting shot.
We've all signed it.
Hope you get better soon, e hoa.
And lastly, earlier today I noticed a few personal items of mine went missing from the police kitchen fridge.
Namely, four jam doughnuts made for me by my nana.
She's 92.
She doesn't have a lot of jam doughnuts left in her, yeah.
My name was clearly written on the side of the box.
Maaka - written in marker.
If those doughnuts aren't back in that fridge by the end of the shift, I'm docking everybody's pay.
Yeah? I'm talking your pay.
Your pay.
Everybody's pay.
Even you, Parker.
OK? All of youse, get out.
Go on, get.
But remember to be careful out there.
Hey, sorry about those doughnuts, sir.
Why? Why are you sorry? Huh? Did you take them? No, I'm just sorry someone else did.
Yeah, well, I'm a detective.
I'll detect if you took them.
Come with me.
I need to show you something.
Oh, Donovan and Lopepe brought him in.
O'Leary.
(LAUGHS) If it isn't Kylie Minogue and his little sister Dannii.
The name is not Kylie.
It's Kyle, and the E is silent, and I don't even look like her anyway.
Well, maybe if you wore gold hotpants.
Oh! Oi, can it.
It's not third form.
Yes, sir.
It's an easy mistake to make, Sarge, based on Lopepe's height and his intelligence.
O'Leary.
(IMITATES GUNSHOTS) Hey, guys, incredibly insensitive to Parker.
He just got shot.
Sorry.
Sorry, Parker.
As you were, Parker.
All right.
Now (CLEARS THROAT) where is this 'weirdo' you brought in? Oh, he's in room three.
We were gonna have a chat with him before we went on patrol.
Right, how about now? Move, move, move.
All right, we'll show you two how it's done.
(CHUCKLES) (OMINOUS MUSIC) (GROANS) Yeah, OK, all right.
Sheesh, he's gotten worse.
Who? Him or them.
God, they get on my wick.
Great dancers, though, eh? So, young man, been doing a bit of graffiti tonight, eh? Only a block from the police station, seems like you've got more spray paint than- YELLS: Brains! Yeah, exactly.
(GROANS) (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKER SWITCH CLICKS) Lookâ.
.
Donovan and Lopepe probably think he was just finishing their sentence, but I think that he's a- a zombie? See? That's why you're in the paranormal unit.
You guys are the best there is.
Azombie? Well, let's not use the Z word just yet, but check it out - this is what he was spray painting before he got caught.
READS: Help me turning into a zomb.
What's a zomb? Is it zombie? He's trying to write zombie.
Oh, right.
Well, maybe he's got attention deficit disorder, you know - ACIDC.
Well, maybe you're not the best there is, but you're the best around here.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Sarge.
Hey.
(SPEAKER SWITCH CLICKS) What's going on? Let's take him down to the cells.
We're arresting him for assaulting an officer.
All right, be careful.
(GROANS) Look, guys, the menace of the walking dead is that their curse moves fast, but so does the Wellington Police Force.
We've got this one locked up, but there might be a lot more out there out there on the dark streets of Wellingtown.
I want this under control.
Maybe we could do something a little bit less scary? It's Wellington.
It's scary.
(OMINOUS MUSIC) Minogue.
That word's popping up everywhere, isn't it? No, I think this might be the original place of the graffiti.
But it was supposed to be 'zombie', remember? He didn't get tired; he just turned into a- That's right.
zombie.
(SIGHS) Told you to get that bite looked at.
(GROANS) You keep acting tough.
Are you intimidated by those other cops? (PANTS) Yeah, it's true.
Minogue Minogue just makes me feel uncomfortable.
He's got those beady little eyes - looks right into your soul.
So what are the traits of a zombie? Well, you know, I guess they kind of look a bit empty inside, perhaps.
Mrn-hrn.
(GROANS) You know, sometimes they have their arms a little bit different.
Yep.
(GROANS) So, I think we'll just keep an eye out for all that kind of stuff.
Mason.
Mason.
Talk to me.
What about her- over there, black T-shirt.
Sheazombie? No, I think she's just a lesbian.
You always seem to be able to pick them, O'Leary.
Well, I don't know.
I can never tell.
I know that.
Just don't think we're gonna find any zombs today.
Dono.
Donovan.
Talk to me.
Donovan.
(GROWLS) (YELLS) Shit! (GROANS) So, we've responded to a possible infection outbreak.
Victims tend to become agitated, violent and extremely hungry.
We anticipate that the public will be freaking out once they hear about all these zombies going around eating everybody's brains.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC) WHISPERS: Brains.
(GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNT) (CLEARS THROAT) (COUGHS) Oh, brains.
Zombies, zombies, zombie, zombie, zombie.
No, I- Comms: Minogue, O'Leary, I've lost contact with Donovan and Lopepe.
I've got some questions for them about the (COUGHS, LOWERS VOICE) zombie.
You've seen them? That's a negative.
You've gotta do it on this.
That's a negative, Sarge.
We'll keep an eye out, though.
Over.
Comms: Copy that.
Strange.
Mm.
Maybe their radio's bung.
(BOTH GRUNT, GROWL) (GRUNTS) (BLEEP) (CAR HORN HONKS) (GROANS) You know, I reckon those two are scared of us.
I think they actually find us threatening.
I think it's cos we're taller than them.
We are.
(DISTORTED GROANING ON COMMS) Donovan, Lopepe, is that you? We want to eat your brains.
(BOTH LAUGH) They better not be in my lunch in the fridge again.
Ha-ha, very funny (!) I think they're starting to become kind of funny.
(GROANS) BOTH: Brains.
What, do you wanna eat some or grow some? (LAUGHS) Classic, O'Leary.
You thought they were joking? Well, Sarge, you know what they're like.
I mean, they were talking about, like, eating brains.
I mean, that's hardly a sensible thing to say.
Didn't make any sense at all.
To be honest it seemed like wasting police time.
Smart-arses.
If it was a joke, I'd still want them found, and I'd be kicking them up the arse.
Mind if I have a turn as well, Sarge? I mean, I'd have a kick.
No, I'm the only one in this department who has a degree in arse-kicking, all right? I've got arse-kicking university.
I'll kick your arse.
I'll kick your arse, and if I stuff this up, I'll kick my own arse.
That's not an easy thing to do.
Any idea where they might've gone? It's believed that the afflicted unconsciously go through the motions of their previous lives.
I happen to know a lot about the walking dead.
How? From watching The Walking Dead.
Look, I want you to find them, but I want you to be careful.
Look, I (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) I can afford to lose two cops in my squad, but not- but not us, eh, Sarge? but not four.
Oh.
Maybe three.
Where would zombies living their lives as cops go? Well, we're cops.
I Yeah, true.
l So let's think- I mean, where would we go? Where would we go? Can I take your order, please? Brains.
That's not a menu item, sorry.
You might like burger combos.
(BOTH GROAN) (GROANS) Would you like to upsize those to larges? (BOTH GROAN) K, that's two regular burger combos.
Drive through to the next window, please.
Hi there, guys.
- Had a good night? - (BOTH GROAN) Here's your burger combos.
(SCREAMS) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) Get off me! (BLEEP) Get off! (BOTH GRUNT) (BLEEP) Hey! Evening, miss.
Seen anything unusual tonight? Yeah, two officers just grabbed a bite of my arm.
OK, which way did they go, love? That way.
It's a drive-through.
Thank you.
Oi, my arm! Hey, back it up.
She's gonna turn into a zombie.
Come back! Reversing.
Why am I handcuffed? I've done nothing wrong.
This is police futility.
It's for your own safety.
It's pronounced police 'brutality'.
It's brutality.
So you admit it? She doesn't seem like a zombie.
Maybe it takes a while to become, like, a full zombie.
Ah, like a butterfly Yeah.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Zombie cops.
(BEEPING) Parker! Hi, sir.
This is my secret office, Parker.
You're not supposed to know about it.
I know, sir.
I know, sir.
Listen, there's been a little bit on an incident down in the cells.
You know that business guy that we got in? He's got kind of bitey, I guess you could say.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Why did you put those other prisoners in there with him? We were overcrowded, sir, and he didn't look dangerous - maybe just a little bit jaundiced, I guess.
But then he started biting the other two and Sir Hm.
are they zombies? No, no, Parker, they're not.
Are you sure? Yes, just don't put any more prisoners in there, all right? Sorry, can I get you guys anything? ALL: Brains.
I think they said 'brains', sir.
No, I think they said 'grains'.
Sorry, guys, we've got a couple of muesli bars.
Would that be OK? (GASPS) OK.
Yep.
yep.
yep.
yep.
yee- They're not here, though.
Keep driving.
They'll be around here somewhere.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Hey, that looks like a crash.
Look, activate the flashy lights.
Activating flashy lights.
Two police cops (BLEEP) bit me at that checkpoint.
How are you feeling, sir? Hungry.
For brains? Brains! Brains! I think- Look, you're probably in shock.
You need to sit down.
just calm down.
Brains! OK, he's lost a lot of blood.
OK, sit down- Stay.
Brains! Yeah, you just need to stay in the seat.
Leave him, please.
No touching, mate.
I don't want to have to use this, OK? (BOTH GROAN, GRUNT) Quiet in the back, you kids.
Quiet.
Hey, they've gone quiet.
Millennial zombies.
(CAMERA SHUTTER SOUND EFFECT) Comma, this is car four.
Any word from Lopepe and Donovan? Over.
Comms: That's a negative, car four.
Still nothing from them.
Over.
They're probably chomping on a brain sandwich somewhere, eh? (BOTH GROAN) Brains? Sucking on a brain smoothie, or- Brains! throwing back some raw brain sushi.
Look, enough about brains everyone.
Back.
Sit back.
(BOTH PANT) (GRUNTS) Sit back, please.
Don't make us pull this car over, mate.
This must be what it's like having bloody kids.
They like flesh, OK.
Where would they have access to human flesh? (BOTH GRUNT, LAUGH) Whocrhoo'.
Whocrhoo'.
KLAUGHSX Ah, yeah, so a couple of our officers have been bitten, and infected with a strange, cannibal-type virus.
In layperson's terms they are- Don't say zombie.
they are really unwell, and it's up to us to make sure that anyone affected gets the treatment they need.
And-And- What is the treatment? Uh, we've got a solid strategy in place to ensure we retrieve those officers, and we'll go from there.
So, phase one - Constables Minogue and O'Leary will antagonise the zomb- the officers, and extract them from the public (WHISTLES), and lead them down this alleyway here.
(WHISTLES) Maybe because we got all of this space, you could make it a bit bigger.
Well, it's for economy's sake, because this is a dire situation, I thought I would just use this corner.
It's pretty big to me, cos I'm over here.
Yeah, phase two - I will act as a innocent victim.
Constable Parker will act as my assailant, or in this case - the 'bait'.
Me? They will chase Parker.
(WHISTLES) So, I'm, like, jailbait? Well, in the sense that they will be put in jail - yes, Parker.
So, Parker will lead them down towards my car.
This is my car here.
Phase three - Constables Minogue and O'Leary will be on hand to lock them in (WHISTLES) and take over, just in case Parker doesn't survive, or he has turned into a (LOWERS VOICE) zombie.
What's that? What do you mean 'survive'.
Well, there's a possible chance, Parker, that you will not make it out.
So, ideally, we all survive, but there is a chance that you won't.
I won't.
It shouldn't come to that, Parker.
Shouldn't come- It shouldn't come to that.
OK, right, let's do this plan.
Let's get to work.
(GRUNTS) LOPEPE: Nothing to see here! O'Leary, visual confirmation.
Hey, Donovan, Lopepe! (BOTH GRUNT) Right, Parker, go, go, go, go, go! Help.
help! I'm gonna get you, you bugger! You fool.
Requesting back up.
There's a crime in progress.
He stole! Officers, help, help.
I'm being mugged by this assailant.
He's got a couple of my personal items, including my wallet and my cell phone.
You deserve a beating, you big, brown bugger.
What? Racial - really? I'm being assaulted by this Caucasian male.
Look, I'm moving really slowly.
Just- Go, go, go.
Arrest this man! OK, this way! Not me, him! Not me, him! Ah, typical! Blame the Maori guy, eh? Abort.
Abort.
Phase two has failed.
Phase two has failed.
Lead them towards the car, Sarge.
Towards the car, Sarge.
Oh, that's right.
The car, Sarge.
Racist zombies! Racist zombies! OK, I'm gonna lure them inside here, and then jump out the other side.
You guys lock them in, and then drive them to the station, OK? Got it, Sarge.
Come on.
Come on, Donovan and Lopepe.
You want some of the Sarge, come and get it.
Come on, boy.
(ACTION MUSIC) Guys, guys, it's locked.
It's a huge oversight on my part.
Prepare phase four.
Oh my God, I've dropped my keys on the ground.
They're gonna eat me.
They're gonna turn me into a zombie.
Break the glass, Sarge! Break the glass! Everybody, get out! Get out of the car! Listen, get out of there! It's too late.
They ate Sarge.
(GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh my God, he's one of them.
He's been zombified.
Nah, it's just jam.
Don't worry, I found my doughnuts.
They were underneath the seat.
These two just stopped attacking me.
Donovan, Lopepe - turn 360 degrees.
They're responding to radio orders.
Donovan and Lopepe, put your hands up.
Over.
Awesome.
They're radio-controlled.
(BOTH GRUNT) (LAUGHS) Do the dab.
Do the running man.
Oh, YEP- Do the sprinkler.
That's a good sprinkler.
(FUN MUSIC) (ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Oh.
Re-enact the boat scene from the Titanic.
('TITANIC' MUSIC) (GRUNTS) Jack, I'm flying.
(GROANS) Let's all look like zombies.
Let's all look surprised! (ALL SCREAM) Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! OK, handcuff each other and escort each other to the police station.
The undead persons that we brought into the station are now being processed by the courts.
So they're no longer our problem.
That's right, and as for the infected officers, they've obviously been given desk jobs, so they're still dealing with the public, but it's from a safe distance.
No, you were speeding, so you have to pay that ticket.
(GRUNTS) No, you've got a ticket.
You just have to pay the fine, yeah.
Yeah, it's, uh- lt's- lt's- (GROANS) $250.
It's obviously a bit noisier in the office, but I mean- I think, actually, to be honest, they seem like a better pair now.
I think they really, they really do a good job on the desk.
They're really great, aren't they? That's important to have officers that can do that job.
I mean, all in all, we managed to contain the outbreak, so society's not going to break down just yet.
Good result for the Paranormal Unit.
Edited by Antony Vlug.
Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.
First up, congratulations to Donovan and Lopepe.
They responded to reports from residents in Hataitai who reported hearing gunfire and responded immediately.
Kia or a.
just some kids throwing marbles at a shed, sir.
But you didn't know that, and you still went in without hesitation.
And we've also got a card for Constable Parker, who responded to a call-out about kids throwing marbles in Khandallah and ended up getting shot.
We've all signed it.
Hope you get better soon, e hoa.
And lastly, earlier today I noticed a few personal items of mine went missing from the police kitchen fridge.
Namely, four jam doughnuts made for me by my nana.
She's 92.
She doesn't have a lot of jam doughnuts left in her, yeah.
My name was clearly written on the side of the box.
Maaka - written in marker.
If those doughnuts aren't back in that fridge by the end of the shift, I'm docking everybody's pay.
Yeah? I'm talking your pay.
Your pay.
Everybody's pay.
Even you, Parker.
OK? All of youse, get out.
Go on, get.
But remember to be careful out there.
Hey, sorry about those doughnuts, sir.
Why? Why are you sorry? Huh? Did you take them? No, I'm just sorry someone else did.
Yeah, well, I'm a detective.
I'll detect if you took them.
Come with me.
I need to show you something.
Oh, Donovan and Lopepe brought him in.
O'Leary.
(LAUGHS) If it isn't Kylie Minogue and his little sister Dannii.
The name is not Kylie.
It's Kyle, and the E is silent, and I don't even look like her anyway.
Well, maybe if you wore gold hotpants.
Oh! Oi, can it.
It's not third form.
Yes, sir.
It's an easy mistake to make, Sarge, based on Lopepe's height and his intelligence.
O'Leary.
(IMITATES GUNSHOTS) Hey, guys, incredibly insensitive to Parker.
He just got shot.
Sorry.
Sorry, Parker.
As you were, Parker.
All right.
Now (CLEARS THROAT) where is this 'weirdo' you brought in? Oh, he's in room three.
We were gonna have a chat with him before we went on patrol.
Right, how about now? Move, move, move.
All right, we'll show you two how it's done.
(CHUCKLES) (OMINOUS MUSIC) (GROANS) Yeah, OK, all right.
Sheesh, he's gotten worse.
Who? Him or them.
God, they get on my wick.
Great dancers, though, eh? So, young man, been doing a bit of graffiti tonight, eh? Only a block from the police station, seems like you've got more spray paint than- YELLS: Brains! Yeah, exactly.
(GROANS) (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKER SWITCH CLICKS) Lookâ.
.
Donovan and Lopepe probably think he was just finishing their sentence, but I think that he's a- a zombie? See? That's why you're in the paranormal unit.
You guys are the best there is.
Azombie? Well, let's not use the Z word just yet, but check it out - this is what he was spray painting before he got caught.
READS: Help me turning into a zomb.
What's a zomb? Is it zombie? He's trying to write zombie.
Oh, right.
Well, maybe he's got attention deficit disorder, you know - ACIDC.
Well, maybe you're not the best there is, but you're the best around here.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Sarge.
Hey.
(SPEAKER SWITCH CLICKS) What's going on? Let's take him down to the cells.
We're arresting him for assaulting an officer.
All right, be careful.
(GROANS) Look, guys, the menace of the walking dead is that their curse moves fast, but so does the Wellington Police Force.
We've got this one locked up, but there might be a lot more out there out there on the dark streets of Wellingtown.
I want this under control.
Maybe we could do something a little bit less scary? It's Wellington.
It's scary.
(OMINOUS MUSIC) Minogue.
That word's popping up everywhere, isn't it? No, I think this might be the original place of the graffiti.
But it was supposed to be 'zombie', remember? He didn't get tired; he just turned into a- That's right.
zombie.
(SIGHS) Told you to get that bite looked at.
(GROANS) You keep acting tough.
Are you intimidated by those other cops? (PANTS) Yeah, it's true.
Minogue Minogue just makes me feel uncomfortable.
He's got those beady little eyes - looks right into your soul.
So what are the traits of a zombie? Well, you know, I guess they kind of look a bit empty inside, perhaps.
Mrn-hrn.
(GROANS) You know, sometimes they have their arms a little bit different.
Yep.
(GROANS) So, I think we'll just keep an eye out for all that kind of stuff.
Mason.
Mason.
Talk to me.
What about her- over there, black T-shirt.
Sheazombie? No, I think she's just a lesbian.
You always seem to be able to pick them, O'Leary.
Well, I don't know.
I can never tell.
I know that.
Just don't think we're gonna find any zombs today.
Dono.
Donovan.
Talk to me.
Donovan.
(GROWLS) (YELLS) Shit! (GROANS) So, we've responded to a possible infection outbreak.
Victims tend to become agitated, violent and extremely hungry.
We anticipate that the public will be freaking out once they hear about all these zombies going around eating everybody's brains.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC) WHISPERS: Brains.
(GRUNTS) (BOTH GRUNT) (CLEARS THROAT) (COUGHS) Oh, brains.
Zombies, zombies, zombie, zombie, zombie.
No, I- Comms: Minogue, O'Leary, I've lost contact with Donovan and Lopepe.
I've got some questions for them about the (COUGHS, LOWERS VOICE) zombie.
You've seen them? That's a negative.
You've gotta do it on this.
That's a negative, Sarge.
We'll keep an eye out, though.
Over.
Comms: Copy that.
Strange.
Mm.
Maybe their radio's bung.
(BOTH GRUNT, GROWL) (GRUNTS) (BLEEP) (CAR HORN HONKS) (GROANS) You know, I reckon those two are scared of us.
I think they actually find us threatening.
I think it's cos we're taller than them.
We are.
(DISTORTED GROANING ON COMMS) Donovan, Lopepe, is that you? We want to eat your brains.
(BOTH LAUGH) They better not be in my lunch in the fridge again.
Ha-ha, very funny (!) I think they're starting to become kind of funny.
(GROANS) BOTH: Brains.
What, do you wanna eat some or grow some? (LAUGHS) Classic, O'Leary.
You thought they were joking? Well, Sarge, you know what they're like.
I mean, they were talking about, like, eating brains.
I mean, that's hardly a sensible thing to say.
Didn't make any sense at all.
To be honest it seemed like wasting police time.
Smart-arses.
If it was a joke, I'd still want them found, and I'd be kicking them up the arse.
Mind if I have a turn as well, Sarge? I mean, I'd have a kick.
No, I'm the only one in this department who has a degree in arse-kicking, all right? I've got arse-kicking university.
I'll kick your arse.
I'll kick your arse, and if I stuff this up, I'll kick my own arse.
That's not an easy thing to do.
Any idea where they might've gone? It's believed that the afflicted unconsciously go through the motions of their previous lives.
I happen to know a lot about the walking dead.
How? From watching The Walking Dead.
Look, I want you to find them, but I want you to be careful.
Look, I (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) I can afford to lose two cops in my squad, but not- but not us, eh, Sarge? but not four.
Oh.
Maybe three.
Where would zombies living their lives as cops go? Well, we're cops.
I Yeah, true.
l So let's think- I mean, where would we go? Where would we go? Can I take your order, please? Brains.
That's not a menu item, sorry.
You might like burger combos.
(BOTH GROAN) (GROANS) Would you like to upsize those to larges? (BOTH GROAN) K, that's two regular burger combos.
Drive through to the next window, please.
Hi there, guys.
- Had a good night? - (BOTH GROAN) Here's your burger combos.
(SCREAMS) (BLEEP) (BLEEP) Get off me! (BLEEP) Get off! (BOTH GRUNT) (BLEEP) Hey! Evening, miss.
Seen anything unusual tonight? Yeah, two officers just grabbed a bite of my arm.
OK, which way did they go, love? That way.
It's a drive-through.
Thank you.
Oi, my arm! Hey, back it up.
She's gonna turn into a zombie.
Come back! Reversing.
Why am I handcuffed? I've done nothing wrong.
This is police futility.
It's for your own safety.
It's pronounced police 'brutality'.
It's brutality.
So you admit it? She doesn't seem like a zombie.
Maybe it takes a while to become, like, a full zombie.
Ah, like a butterfly Yeah.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Zombie cops.
(BEEPING) Parker! Hi, sir.
This is my secret office, Parker.
You're not supposed to know about it.
I know, sir.
I know, sir.
Listen, there's been a little bit on an incident down in the cells.
You know that business guy that we got in? He's got kind of bitey, I guess you could say.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Why did you put those other prisoners in there with him? We were overcrowded, sir, and he didn't look dangerous - maybe just a little bit jaundiced, I guess.
But then he started biting the other two and Sir Hm.
are they zombies? No, no, Parker, they're not.
Are you sure? Yes, just don't put any more prisoners in there, all right? Sorry, can I get you guys anything? ALL: Brains.
I think they said 'brains', sir.
No, I think they said 'grains'.
Sorry, guys, we've got a couple of muesli bars.
Would that be OK? (GASPS) OK.
Yep.
yep.
yep.
yep.
yee- They're not here, though.
Keep driving.
They'll be around here somewhere.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Hey, that looks like a crash.
Look, activate the flashy lights.
Activating flashy lights.
Two police cops (BLEEP) bit me at that checkpoint.
How are you feeling, sir? Hungry.
For brains? Brains! Brains! I think- Look, you're probably in shock.
You need to sit down.
just calm down.
Brains! OK, he's lost a lot of blood.
OK, sit down- Stay.
Brains! Yeah, you just need to stay in the seat.
Leave him, please.
No touching, mate.
I don't want to have to use this, OK? (BOTH GROAN, GRUNT) Quiet in the back, you kids.
Quiet.
Hey, they've gone quiet.
Millennial zombies.
(CAMERA SHUTTER SOUND EFFECT) Comma, this is car four.
Any word from Lopepe and Donovan? Over.
Comms: That's a negative, car four.
Still nothing from them.
Over.
They're probably chomping on a brain sandwich somewhere, eh? (BOTH GROAN) Brains? Sucking on a brain smoothie, or- Brains! throwing back some raw brain sushi.
Look, enough about brains everyone.
Back.
Sit back.
(BOTH PANT) (GRUNTS) Sit back, please.
Don't make us pull this car over, mate.
This must be what it's like having bloody kids.
They like flesh, OK.
Where would they have access to human flesh? (BOTH GRUNT, LAUGH) Whocrhoo'.
Whocrhoo'.
KLAUGHSX Ah, yeah, so a couple of our officers have been bitten, and infected with a strange, cannibal-type virus.
In layperson's terms they are- Don't say zombie.
they are really unwell, and it's up to us to make sure that anyone affected gets the treatment they need.
And-And- What is the treatment? Uh, we've got a solid strategy in place to ensure we retrieve those officers, and we'll go from there.
So, phase one - Constables Minogue and O'Leary will antagonise the zomb- the officers, and extract them from the public (WHISTLES), and lead them down this alleyway here.
(WHISTLES) Maybe because we got all of this space, you could make it a bit bigger.
Well, it's for economy's sake, because this is a dire situation, I thought I would just use this corner.
It's pretty big to me, cos I'm over here.
Yeah, phase two - I will act as a innocent victim.
Constable Parker will act as my assailant, or in this case - the 'bait'.
Me? They will chase Parker.
(WHISTLES) So, I'm, like, jailbait? Well, in the sense that they will be put in jail - yes, Parker.
So, Parker will lead them down towards my car.
This is my car here.
Phase three - Constables Minogue and O'Leary will be on hand to lock them in (WHISTLES) and take over, just in case Parker doesn't survive, or he has turned into a (LOWERS VOICE) zombie.
What's that? What do you mean 'survive'.
Well, there's a possible chance, Parker, that you will not make it out.
So, ideally, we all survive, but there is a chance that you won't.
I won't.
It shouldn't come to that, Parker.
Shouldn't come- It shouldn't come to that.
OK, right, let's do this plan.
Let's get to work.
(GRUNTS) LOPEPE: Nothing to see here! O'Leary, visual confirmation.
Hey, Donovan, Lopepe! (BOTH GRUNT) Right, Parker, go, go, go, go, go! Help.
help! I'm gonna get you, you bugger! You fool.
Requesting back up.
There's a crime in progress.
He stole! Officers, help, help.
I'm being mugged by this assailant.
He's got a couple of my personal items, including my wallet and my cell phone.
You deserve a beating, you big, brown bugger.
What? Racial - really? I'm being assaulted by this Caucasian male.
Look, I'm moving really slowly.
Just- Go, go, go.
Arrest this man! OK, this way! Not me, him! Not me, him! Ah, typical! Blame the Maori guy, eh? Abort.
Abort.
Phase two has failed.
Phase two has failed.
Lead them towards the car, Sarge.
Towards the car, Sarge.
Oh, that's right.
The car, Sarge.
Racist zombies! Racist zombies! OK, I'm gonna lure them inside here, and then jump out the other side.
You guys lock them in, and then drive them to the station, OK? Got it, Sarge.
Come on.
Come on, Donovan and Lopepe.
You want some of the Sarge, come and get it.
Come on, boy.
(ACTION MUSIC) Guys, guys, it's locked.
It's a huge oversight on my part.
Prepare phase four.
Oh my God, I've dropped my keys on the ground.
They're gonna eat me.
They're gonna turn me into a zombie.
Break the glass, Sarge! Break the glass! Everybody, get out! Get out of the car! Listen, get out of there! It's too late.
They ate Sarge.
(GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Oh my God, he's one of them.
He's been zombified.
Nah, it's just jam.
Don't worry, I found my doughnuts.
They were underneath the seat.
These two just stopped attacking me.
Donovan, Lopepe - turn 360 degrees.
They're responding to radio orders.
Donovan and Lopepe, put your hands up.
Over.
Awesome.
They're radio-controlled.
(BOTH GRUNT) (LAUGHS) Do the dab.
Do the running man.
Oh, YEP- Do the sprinkler.
That's a good sprinkler.
(FUN MUSIC) (ELECTRONIC MUSIC) Oh.
Re-enact the boat scene from the Titanic.
('TITANIC' MUSIC) (GRUNTS) Jack, I'm flying.
(GROANS) Let's all look like zombies.
Let's all look surprised! (ALL SCREAM) Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze! OK, handcuff each other and escort each other to the police station.
The undead persons that we brought into the station are now being processed by the courts.
So they're no longer our problem.
That's right, and as for the infected officers, they've obviously been given desk jobs, so they're still dealing with the public, but it's from a safe distance.
No, you were speeding, so you have to pay that ticket.
(GRUNTS) No, you've got a ticket.
You just have to pay the fine, yeah.
Yeah, it's, uh- lt's- lt's- (GROANS) $250.
It's obviously a bit noisier in the office, but I mean- I think, actually, to be honest, they seem like a better pair now.
I think they really, they really do a good job on the desk.
They're really great, aren't they? That's important to have officers that can do that job.
I mean, all in all, we managed to contain the outbreak, so society's not going to break down just yet.
Good result for the Paranormal Unit.