Wellington Paranormal (2018) s01e05 Episode Script
A Normal Night
So we've had calls from a number of the residents in these local flats about something unusual, unexplained - possibly ghostly.
On the lookout for a pale, translucent figure floating eerily in the back of the car park.
O'Leary! There! So, um, we did respond to a call-out of something that was, perhaps, supernatural, like a ghost floating around.
But our findings have determined that the nature of the entity was not actually of supernatural origin.
No, it was a, urn, it was a plastic bag.
(EERIE PIANO MUSIC) Yeah, that's correct.
It was a- um, a plastic shopping bag.
I mean, I guess that's the thing with the nature of this job and our work for Wellington Paranormal.
It's not always, uh, paranormal callouts.
In fact, um most of the time, it's not paranormal.
Could have tased it.
Y- No.
Put that back.
You're always saying 'don't tase stuff'.
(TASER DISCHARGES) (GROANS) Oh my God.
This is the fourth time you've done that! Hang on.
Yeah, I know.
STAMMERING: Pull over.
I'm pulling over.
Yep, yep.
Um, so we've had reports from the local hospital here.
Staff had reported a suspicious number of blood bags have gone missing from the blood bank area.
You know, it could be some sort of a stocktaking error, but it could also be foul play.
I mean, I'm certainly thinking that it could be some sort of high-performance sportspeople that are coming in and stealing that blood to give them the advantage they need to win.
I mean, certainly, that's cheating.
I mean, and it's not the way to get ahead.
I mean, when I was a sportsperson, I could have chosen to cheat.
But I didn't.
It's not the way to do it.
But, had I chosen to do that, I probably could have come away with a gold.
I reckon it was vampires.
Staff believe that the thief may have escaped the blood bank area via the internal door and through the car park.
O'Leary! Evidence.
Blood.
Bag it, Minogue.
It's already in a bag.
Otherwise, it would just sploosh all over my head.
No, I mean, like, put that bag in an evidence bag.
Put this bag in another bag - got it.
I mean, obviously a blood bag loose in a car park doesn't look good.
Could be some sort of delivery error, but certainly, we need to be on the lookout for a thief.
I mean, if they make a comeback or they come back here, we might be able to catch them red-handed if there's a spillage, you know.
See that? Obviously cos, you know, blood being a substance that's red in appearance makes pe- (YELPS) O'Leary! (COUGHS, GROANS) What's happened? I was trying to squeeze the blood bag in to the much smaller evidence bag.
Can you help me up? Come on.
It's got blood on it.
OK, hang on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I shouldn't have stood in there.
Maybe if you hold- you hold- two hands.
OK, yep.
It's not gonna- Ooh.
No, just lean forward when I pull you.
Ready? Yep.
Maybe if you go under my arms.
Under my arms.
Don't use your back like a- Yep.
Uh, so the nurse here told us that their potential thief was seen gliding down the hallway, but, for whatever reason, the security cams didn't pick it up.
So, I mean, that- O'Leary? Couldn't find any more evidence out there.
OK.
There's nothing.
Excuse me, again.
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Oh, don't worry.
It's not my blood.
Oh, no, I didn't- I didn't brutalise anyone.
People think I I didn't brutalise anyone! Minogue.
I didn't brutalise anyone.
I don't think- No one thinks that.
Neither did she.
No, certainly not.
Um, so could you just tell us who has access to the blood bank? Hi, I'm Nick.
I've been a blood bank officer for two months now.
Sir, are you aware that 19 bags of blood were stolen this evening? (HISSES) Yep- Mate, do you know if blood is combustible? What? Well, what I mean by that is - is it possible that the 19 bags of blood exploded into smithereens, and then would those smithereens then be naked to the human eye? Minogue, urn WHISPERS: That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
(HISSES) (COUGHS, IMITATES SNEEZING) Are you Are you OK? I've just got that flu that's going around.
I haven't seen that flu going around.
(COUGHS) OK, look.
You've got access to this room, OK? You know, there's blood going missing, so I mean, what are we meant to think? What would I want to do with 19 bags of blood? What would you want to do with 19 bags of blood? Save Hves.
That's quite a good answer, actually.
And how did you know it was 19? You just told me.
No, I didn't.
You literally just said, '19 bags of blood went missing.
' Did I? Yeah, at the start you said, '19 bags of blood.
' Actual quote.
I work here, so I know most things that happen.
We'd just like to take you down to the station, Nick, OK? Ask you a couple of questions.
All right? I didn't do anything.
OK.
Well, we'll get to the bottom of that once we ask you some questions.
We just need to get a statement, OK? You've got the wrong guy.
Hey, look, mate, you're not Obi-Wan Kenobi, OK? We need to go down to the copper shop, have a bit of a chitty-chat, OK? Just just let me go, eh? (UNSETTLING MUSIC) Yes, OK.
No, yeah, you're right.
OK.
You, um Sorry to bother you.
Are you serious? Sorry, mate.
You have a great night, eh? I'm innocent and shit? So Have a good day.
Thank you.
See you later.
That's literally never worked before.
So it turns out that the blood bank officer is not a person of interest in this case.
Certainly, we will be investigating further, but for now, we have no reason to believe that this was a theft or even that this case is paranormal in any way.
(BAT SQUEAKS) Or even that anything, urn, happened at all.
Mm.
It's the other one, Minogue.
It's the other button.
(CAR UNLOCKS) Bracewell, Ward, Qing, Yates, Parker, Donovan, Laupepe and Solid for their hard work out in the harbour today.
These fine police people all worked together and braved the conditions in response to a callout about a baby in distress out in the harbour.
Well done.
(APPLAUSE) As we all know, it turned out to be a towel, but, uh, what if it was a baby, you know? That towel could have been a real danger to shipping - got caught up in a propeller.
You never know.
Ah, Minogue.
What happened to you? Were you shot in the line of fire? No, sir.
Oh, no.
He was trying to fit a bag of blood in to another bag which was way too small to possibly fit the first bag.
Right.
Clean that up.
That's no way to keep a uniform.
Yes, sir.
Uh, we still have 13 unsolved murders.
I'm gonna divvy those up later on today.
All right.
Dismissed.
Uh, Minogue.
O'Leary.
(KEYPAD BEEPS) Uh, just holding for fingerprint analysis, guys.
(MIMICS COMPUTER WHIRRING) Finger analysis complete.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) What's the status update on that ghost outside the fish and chip shop? OK.
That turns out it was just a plastic bag, sir.
Mm-hm.
Do you know of the Japanese tales of the Yokai? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Spirits or demons.
Sometimes vengeful.
They take the form of people, animals, even inanimate objects.
I'm talking about scary umbrellas.
Possessed futons.
I believe that what you saw may, in fact, have been a Oh.
That's just a normal plastic bag, isn't it? Mm.
Yep.
Um, that's all right.
I'm gonna file it anyway.
(FILING CABINET ROLLS, SLAMS SHUT) Any further development on the, uh, missing blood bags from Wellington Hospital? Uh, O'Leary and linvestigated, sir, and we've come up with, um, absolutely nothing.
I have a theory.
(HISSES) What are you d- what is that? What are you doing? (MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY) Pardon? (CLEARS THROAT) Vampires.
Oh.
Yeah, I thought that to begin with, sir, but I mean, we interviewed the leading suspect and came back with nothing suspicious.
You sure he wasn't a vampire? He just wasn't remotely suspicious.
He was- He was too normal, if anything.
Did he have fangs? It's hard to remember.
He might have had little tiny ones, perhaps.
Vampire.
Did he glamour you? Like, give us a glamourous makeover? Nope.
Not on my watch.
No.
No, no.
Uh, glamouring is a hypnotic form of sorcery, or spell.
It's a power that's innate in vampires.
They can use it to charm people or even erase your memory.
Nah, I'd remember something like that.
And even if he perhaps didn't, I certainly would remember that.
I want you to get back to that hospital and interview that guy from the blood bank again.
I think you may have been glamoured.
Still think we'd remember it.
We'll- Yep, we'll go back.
(DISTANT CHANTING) Uh, we were on our way back to the hospital for some further questioning when we got a call out to this park.
Seems some of the neighbours have reported hearing satanic sounding chanting.
(CHANTING CONTINUES) Hey, guys.
I can't see a barbecue.
Bring meat? Hello.
Sausage sizz- oh.
What are you guys doing out here in the middle of the night? It's almost, uh, it's almost midnight, guys.
We're just, um Just chanting.
Just normal chanting stuff.
Can you just lift your hood a bit, sir, please? You? Just hold on to this.
(CHANTING STOPS) Keep going round.
Don't chant, but keep going round.
Oh.
Huh.
We were just coming to see you at the hospital, actually.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, you were the guy with the, uh, stolen blood.
I'm innocent though, eh? Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
No, you're innocent.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome.
So what's going on here? Are you guys having a, uh, you're having a drink, are you? Yeah, I guess you could say that.
What's with the- uh, the cloaks? Oh, nah.
That's, um just roleplaying.
It's like a Dungeons and Dragons thing.
This must be a, uh, different version, is it? It's the, urn, Lower Hutt version.
Wait a second.
Who's this? Hello.
What are you- what are you doing tied to that stick there? Are you OK? He's He's definitely OK.
OK, yeah.
Well, I want to hear his answer.
Um, I'm actually just- I was hoping that someone would come and save me or just help me down- Um, everything is fine right now.
Everything's actually fine right now.
I'm OK.
I mean, I asked to be put on this stake, and I'm not cold.
I'm not afraid.
I'm really looking forward- Don't- Don't- Don't improvise.
You don't want someone to save you? We had a question for you, mate.
He's fine.
Did you give us a makeover? Eh? Nah, nothing.
Forget about it.
This guy looks a bit cold, OK? He could probably do with one of those cloaks at some stage soon.
And, I mean, obviously it is quite late, but if any children come along here at this time of night, it's not gonna be good, is it? No.
I mean- Don't do that, Minogue.
Urn, so maybe just have a think about this guy.
Maybe, you know, include him more in the circle bit.
Yeah, the flames- well, he's the centre of it.
Uh, OK.
Great.
Right, well, we'll leave you to it.
Right, and just make sure you take your rubbish with you, OK? Yeah, of course.
Don't go leaving a bloody mess all over the place.
And I would just keep that chanting down to a minimum, OK? Yeah, of course.
We'll be quiet.
Yep.
Can we just hear that? Quiet.
(MUMBLED CHANTING) A little bit louder.
No, no.
I think that was good.
Do you not- you don't do the chanting? No, I'm just naked.
OK.
Have a good night.
Good night! Storm in a teacup, eh? Yeah, you never know.
Yeah.
It was weird seeing that guy from the hospital again, wasn't it? It was weird seeing that other guy.
Yeah.
It wasn't paranormal, though, was it? Nah, it was more abnormal.
I guess that's the job, though, isn't it? You know, sometimes it's normal; sometimes it's abnormal.
Copy that.
Look at this freaky looking clown.
What the I don't like that.
He can see you.
I don't- I don't like it.
He can see you.
Look.
Look how he's looking at you.
Slow down and look how he's looking at you.
(GROANS) Oh, God.
It's another one.
This must be some kind of crime, is it? Well, jaywalking, yes.
Times two.
Pass me the thing.
ECHOING THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER: Excuse me.
Return to the footpath, please.
Did you spike my coffee, O'Leary? Oh, what is this, now? He's doing the Running Man.
Is that a clown thing? He'd better not touch the car.
ECHOING THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER: Do that, but towards the footpath, sir.
He's running on the spot, but he needs to be running over to the r- whoa.
What? Whoa.
And now there's even more of them jaywalking.
There's multiple crimes.
Oh, God.
Now what's this? (CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) Wha- They can't do that.
More clowns.
More clowns, O'Leary.
ECHOING: Stop.
Stop the car.
Police, stop.
Don't say 'please' to them.
'Police, stop.
' 'Please stop.
' 'Police!' Look, anyway, this is getting weird.
OK, look, that is Now where are they going? This definitely- ECHOING: Excuse me.
Stay there.
Stay in the car.
(CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) They're going.
They're driving off, now.
Let's just- Yeah, turn the lights on.
OK? Yep.
What are we gonna do? Oh, God.
Now there's more- they're- all of them are coming now.
What is- what is going on? ECHOING: All of you, just stay still, please.
Yep, lock the doors.
Lock the doors.
What- ls there some sort of weird, disturbing circus in town? O'Leary.
Look at that one.
He's walking weird.
I don't want to look at that one.
I don't even like it.
There's too many of them, O'Leary! This is not funny.
I'm not even watching.
I don't wanna watch it.
It's making me feel sick.
There's too may of them, O'Leary.
ECHOING: Hey, get off of the car! Get away from the car! Get in the car! Now where are they going? Call for backup.
Put the lights on.
Call- Call for backup.
The lights are on.
Put the lights back on.
He's driving along with the door open.
ECHOING: Shut the door! That is completely unsafe! Unacceptable.
OK, this is a traffic infringement.
They've been jaywalking.
They've been dancing on the road.
Where's the siren? Put the thing on.
It's under here.
No, the big- the noise.
Hang on.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) ECHOING: Pull over, please.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) Uh, so what we have here is a large number of incredibly creepy and disturbing clowns, urn, paying no attention to the law.
Mm, mm, mm.
There's actually a worldwide trend of sightings of these creep)'.
freaky clowns, and it's- Um, it's just disappointing that it's made its way all the way to Wellington.
The other thing is, obviously, this is not a paranormal case, um, but the maximum number of clowns or people that should be in that small car is five, um, and I think they had at least, I think, 16 clowns getting in to that vehicle, and that's completely unsafe.
I'm glad it's my week with the Taser.
But, I mean, obviously, we just need to get them out of the car and have a good chat to them about, you know, just, some of their actions tonight were just completely, urn, irresponsible.
We should get these clowns down to the station anyway.
I think we're gonna have to book those clowns.
I don't know how we're gonna get all those clowns in our car.
It'll take multiple trips.
And they'll just be clowning around.
(CLOWN CAR ENGINE STARTS UP) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me.
Hang on.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No.
Come on, guys.
Back you come.
Come here! Guys.
Where's our car? H- Here.
Guys.
Come here! Get the- These clowns are making us look like clowns.
I've got it! I've got it! Got it! I've got it! I'll get the car.
I've got it.
I've got it.
We should have got in the car.
Um, obviously, that was a mistake chasing the clown car.
(CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) I mean, we did a good job, but we really should have got into the patrol vehicle.
We probably would have got them by now if we had done that.
Where is our car? Where's our car? So we haven't made it to the hospital yet.
We will get there, but we've been called out to a cemetery.
(GASPS) Go that way.
Sorry.
Another possible ghost sighting.
Yeah, there have been several witnesses who report seeing a number of ghosts having conversations in and amongst the gravestones.
Just chatting to each other, urn, which is pretty strange, but who knows what to expect from ghosts? Hello? Anybody there? It's the police.
We have pepper spray.
Pepper spray? That's body spray, Minogue.
We have body spray.
Smells bad.
(GIRLS MURMUR INCOHERENTLY) H ello.
Stop police terror.
Police-free zone.
What have you got left to do on Earth? What are you talking about? Let me see the pad, Minogue.
(PAPER RIPPING) That says 'Goths', not 'ghosts'.
'A group of Goths seen conferring around the gravestones.
' I could never read this handwriting.
Minogue, that's- That's your handwriting.
Well, I know that.
I can tell.
Because I can't read it.
What do you guys want from us? We're just minding our own business.
What are you actually doing hanging around in a cemetery at this time of night? We're just, like, rejecting normal society and stuff, and I live next door with my mum and dad.
We were both following this guy.
He was handing out party flyers, and he looked pretty pale and freaky.
Yeah.
Around here, somewhere? Actually, that's him over there.
That's great.
We'll have a chat with him.
Thank you very much.
The legal system should be against the law.
- Go that way, Minogue.
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) Excuse me! NICK: So, you know Keith, who's got the mobile karaoke business? Oh,yup.
Hello! So he's bringing the truck, and it's gonna be great.
Awesome.
Uh, look, my Uber's here, so I Is that the guy (HISSES) Gidday, mate.
Oh, hey, man.
You look familiar.
Nah.
Sir.
Sir, we've met before.
Remember? No.
We were actually just coming to visit you at the hospital.
Nope.
That's a coincidence, eh? Yeah, you could say that.
Uh, what's in those bags? Uh, just pizza.
He's saying things, but he just keeps on running away faster.
Look, there's werewolves behind you.
What? Um I don't know.
(HISSES) Stop there! Sir! You need to stop! Can't go any further, can you? Freeze! Wait there.
It wasn't me.
What the hell? He can't do that.
(GRUNTS) Don't- Oh.
Away! No, come on.
Down you get.
No.
You're hurting my shin splints.
You're making a fool of yourself, mate.
Get off! Go away, pigs! Tie his shoelaces together! OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
Yeah, I'm just, um I'm just going to the hospital to drop them off.
Via a cemetery in the middle of the night? Yep.
I wasn't born yesterday, mate.
If I was, I'd still be a baby.
What are these? Party flyers? 'Come to my party'? Oh, that's- That's not my flyer.
OK.
Well, that's a big photo of your face, OK, on the middle of this flyer, and then it says, 'Nick's vampire party'.
You know, so, obviously, you're stealing this blood to, uh, spare innocent victims' lives.
The best part is that you can put a straw through the bag and you can drink it like a juicie.
Whoa.
There you go.
Really good to just pass around at a party or something.
Easy to drink.
Well, I guess that is actually quite clever.
Pretty clever.
So can you let me go? Nah! No.
No, look.
You know what? You're under arrest, OK, for stealing hospital property.
OK? And also for making a false statement.
What does that mean? Thank you.
What's this? Discrimination against vampires, now? Are we the minority? No.
The trying to, uh, just take the blood from a human person? That's all fair game, but stealing from a hospital? No way.
They need that for emergencies.
Just cos I'm a brown vampire walking through a cemetery on a Monday night with a bag of blood like, 18 bags of blood, I get pulled over.
You know, this is just discrimination because um, I'm not a white vampire, I guess.
So, if you guys are watching this, um, #BatLivesMatter.
Ouch.
A bit tighter.
There you go.
We're in Taita right now, actually.
Mm.
I think we'd better get him an isolated cell.
Yes, agreed.
Actually, no.
This is me right here.
Look, urn, we're taking you to the cells, OK? You'll be spending the night there.
No, I can't.
Like, the sun's gonna come up, and I'm gonna burn, so I'll just get off here.
Look, you've passed my- Mate, we're not falling for that this time, all right? We're not facing towards you, OK? You can see there's no eye contact, right? Excuse me, you need to put those back on, OK, sir? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
just put your handcuffs back on.
Hey.
Stop hassling me, pull the car over and let me get out.
All right.
Um just up here? Yeah.
just here behind this van.
Thank you very much.
Am I able to get the stuff out of the boot as well? Of course you are, mate.
Let me help you with that, eh? Nah, it's all good, officer.
Oh, and by the way, you're not gonna remember a single thing that's happened today.
You're not gonna remember that tonight happened or anything.
OK.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS) He was a nice guy.
What guy? I don't- I don't know.
(BOOT SLAMS SHUT) Cheers, guys.
He looks vaguely familiar.
Yeah, he was just touching the police car.
Should we follow him? Nah.
I think he's just one of those Deliver Easy guys.
(SCOFFS) Quiet night, eh? I reckon.
Abnormally quiet.
Yeah.
Certainly not paranormal.
No.
Not paranormal at all.
(CAR ENGINE WHIRRS) (FILING CABINET ROLLS, CREAKS) (PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE) (HORROR MUSIC) (GROWLS SOFTLY) (GROWLS, ROARS) Wha-! (CHOKES) (MUFFLED GROANING) (PANTING) (THUMPING FROM BIN) I knew it! Yokai!
On the lookout for a pale, translucent figure floating eerily in the back of the car park.
O'Leary! There! So, um, we did respond to a call-out of something that was, perhaps, supernatural, like a ghost floating around.
But our findings have determined that the nature of the entity was not actually of supernatural origin.
No, it was a, urn, it was a plastic bag.
(EERIE PIANO MUSIC) Yeah, that's correct.
It was a- um, a plastic shopping bag.
I mean, I guess that's the thing with the nature of this job and our work for Wellington Paranormal.
It's not always, uh, paranormal callouts.
In fact, um most of the time, it's not paranormal.
Could have tased it.
Y- No.
Put that back.
You're always saying 'don't tase stuff'.
(TASER DISCHARGES) (GROANS) Oh my God.
This is the fourth time you've done that! Hang on.
Yeah, I know.
STAMMERING: Pull over.
I'm pulling over.
Yep, yep.
Um, so we've had reports from the local hospital here.
Staff had reported a suspicious number of blood bags have gone missing from the blood bank area.
You know, it could be some sort of a stocktaking error, but it could also be foul play.
I mean, I'm certainly thinking that it could be some sort of high-performance sportspeople that are coming in and stealing that blood to give them the advantage they need to win.
I mean, certainly, that's cheating.
I mean, and it's not the way to get ahead.
I mean, when I was a sportsperson, I could have chosen to cheat.
But I didn't.
It's not the way to do it.
But, had I chosen to do that, I probably could have come away with a gold.
I reckon it was vampires.
Staff believe that the thief may have escaped the blood bank area via the internal door and through the car park.
O'Leary! Evidence.
Blood.
Bag it, Minogue.
It's already in a bag.
Otherwise, it would just sploosh all over my head.
No, I mean, like, put that bag in an evidence bag.
Put this bag in another bag - got it.
I mean, obviously a blood bag loose in a car park doesn't look good.
Could be some sort of delivery error, but certainly, we need to be on the lookout for a thief.
I mean, if they make a comeback or they come back here, we might be able to catch them red-handed if there's a spillage, you know.
See that? Obviously cos, you know, blood being a substance that's red in appearance makes pe- (YELPS) O'Leary! (COUGHS, GROANS) What's happened? I was trying to squeeze the blood bag in to the much smaller evidence bag.
Can you help me up? Come on.
It's got blood on it.
OK, hang on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I shouldn't have stood in there.
Maybe if you hold- you hold- two hands.
OK, yep.
It's not gonna- Ooh.
No, just lean forward when I pull you.
Ready? Yep.
Maybe if you go under my arms.
Under my arms.
Don't use your back like a- Yep.
Uh, so the nurse here told us that their potential thief was seen gliding down the hallway, but, for whatever reason, the security cams didn't pick it up.
So, I mean, that- O'Leary? Couldn't find any more evidence out there.
OK.
There's nothing.
Excuse me, again.
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Oh, don't worry.
It's not my blood.
Oh, no, I didn't- I didn't brutalise anyone.
People think I I didn't brutalise anyone! Minogue.
I didn't brutalise anyone.
I don't think- No one thinks that.
Neither did she.
No, certainly not.
Um, so could you just tell us who has access to the blood bank? Hi, I'm Nick.
I've been a blood bank officer for two months now.
Sir, are you aware that 19 bags of blood were stolen this evening? (HISSES) Yep- Mate, do you know if blood is combustible? What? Well, what I mean by that is - is it possible that the 19 bags of blood exploded into smithereens, and then would those smithereens then be naked to the human eye? Minogue, urn WHISPERS: That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
(HISSES) (COUGHS, IMITATES SNEEZING) Are you Are you OK? I've just got that flu that's going around.
I haven't seen that flu going around.
(COUGHS) OK, look.
You've got access to this room, OK? You know, there's blood going missing, so I mean, what are we meant to think? What would I want to do with 19 bags of blood? What would you want to do with 19 bags of blood? Save Hves.
That's quite a good answer, actually.
And how did you know it was 19? You just told me.
No, I didn't.
You literally just said, '19 bags of blood went missing.
' Did I? Yeah, at the start you said, '19 bags of blood.
' Actual quote.
I work here, so I know most things that happen.
We'd just like to take you down to the station, Nick, OK? Ask you a couple of questions.
All right? I didn't do anything.
OK.
Well, we'll get to the bottom of that once we ask you some questions.
We just need to get a statement, OK? You've got the wrong guy.
Hey, look, mate, you're not Obi-Wan Kenobi, OK? We need to go down to the copper shop, have a bit of a chitty-chat, OK? Just just let me go, eh? (UNSETTLING MUSIC) Yes, OK.
No, yeah, you're right.
OK.
You, um Sorry to bother you.
Are you serious? Sorry, mate.
You have a great night, eh? I'm innocent and shit? So Have a good day.
Thank you.
See you later.
That's literally never worked before.
So it turns out that the blood bank officer is not a person of interest in this case.
Certainly, we will be investigating further, but for now, we have no reason to believe that this was a theft or even that this case is paranormal in any way.
(BAT SQUEAKS) Or even that anything, urn, happened at all.
Mm.
It's the other one, Minogue.
It's the other button.
(CAR UNLOCKS) Bracewell, Ward, Qing, Yates, Parker, Donovan, Laupepe and Solid for their hard work out in the harbour today.
These fine police people all worked together and braved the conditions in response to a callout about a baby in distress out in the harbour.
Well done.
(APPLAUSE) As we all know, it turned out to be a towel, but, uh, what if it was a baby, you know? That towel could have been a real danger to shipping - got caught up in a propeller.
You never know.
Ah, Minogue.
What happened to you? Were you shot in the line of fire? No, sir.
Oh, no.
He was trying to fit a bag of blood in to another bag which was way too small to possibly fit the first bag.
Right.
Clean that up.
That's no way to keep a uniform.
Yes, sir.
Uh, we still have 13 unsolved murders.
I'm gonna divvy those up later on today.
All right.
Dismissed.
Uh, Minogue.
O'Leary.
(KEYPAD BEEPS) Uh, just holding for fingerprint analysis, guys.
(MIMICS COMPUTER WHIRRING) Finger analysis complete.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC) What's the status update on that ghost outside the fish and chip shop? OK.
That turns out it was just a plastic bag, sir.
Mm-hm.
Do you know of the Japanese tales of the Yokai? (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Spirits or demons.
Sometimes vengeful.
They take the form of people, animals, even inanimate objects.
I'm talking about scary umbrellas.
Possessed futons.
I believe that what you saw may, in fact, have been a Oh.
That's just a normal plastic bag, isn't it? Mm.
Yep.
Um, that's all right.
I'm gonna file it anyway.
(FILING CABINET ROLLS, SLAMS SHUT) Any further development on the, uh, missing blood bags from Wellington Hospital? Uh, O'Leary and linvestigated, sir, and we've come up with, um, absolutely nothing.
I have a theory.
(HISSES) What are you d- what is that? What are you doing? (MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY) Pardon? (CLEARS THROAT) Vampires.
Oh.
Yeah, I thought that to begin with, sir, but I mean, we interviewed the leading suspect and came back with nothing suspicious.
You sure he wasn't a vampire? He just wasn't remotely suspicious.
He was- He was too normal, if anything.
Did he have fangs? It's hard to remember.
He might have had little tiny ones, perhaps.
Vampire.
Did he glamour you? Like, give us a glamourous makeover? Nope.
Not on my watch.
No.
No, no.
Uh, glamouring is a hypnotic form of sorcery, or spell.
It's a power that's innate in vampires.
They can use it to charm people or even erase your memory.
Nah, I'd remember something like that.
And even if he perhaps didn't, I certainly would remember that.
I want you to get back to that hospital and interview that guy from the blood bank again.
I think you may have been glamoured.
Still think we'd remember it.
We'll- Yep, we'll go back.
(DISTANT CHANTING) Uh, we were on our way back to the hospital for some further questioning when we got a call out to this park.
Seems some of the neighbours have reported hearing satanic sounding chanting.
(CHANTING CONTINUES) Hey, guys.
I can't see a barbecue.
Bring meat? Hello.
Sausage sizz- oh.
What are you guys doing out here in the middle of the night? It's almost, uh, it's almost midnight, guys.
We're just, um Just chanting.
Just normal chanting stuff.
Can you just lift your hood a bit, sir, please? You? Just hold on to this.
(CHANTING STOPS) Keep going round.
Don't chant, but keep going round.
Oh.
Huh.
We were just coming to see you at the hospital, actually.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, you were the guy with the, uh, stolen blood.
I'm innocent though, eh? Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
No, you're innocent.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome.
So what's going on here? Are you guys having a, uh, you're having a drink, are you? Yeah, I guess you could say that.
What's with the- uh, the cloaks? Oh, nah.
That's, um just roleplaying.
It's like a Dungeons and Dragons thing.
This must be a, uh, different version, is it? It's the, urn, Lower Hutt version.
Wait a second.
Who's this? Hello.
What are you- what are you doing tied to that stick there? Are you OK? He's He's definitely OK.
OK, yeah.
Well, I want to hear his answer.
Um, I'm actually just- I was hoping that someone would come and save me or just help me down- Um, everything is fine right now.
Everything's actually fine right now.
I'm OK.
I mean, I asked to be put on this stake, and I'm not cold.
I'm not afraid.
I'm really looking forward- Don't- Don't- Don't improvise.
You don't want someone to save you? We had a question for you, mate.
He's fine.
Did you give us a makeover? Eh? Nah, nothing.
Forget about it.
This guy looks a bit cold, OK? He could probably do with one of those cloaks at some stage soon.
And, I mean, obviously it is quite late, but if any children come along here at this time of night, it's not gonna be good, is it? No.
I mean- Don't do that, Minogue.
Urn, so maybe just have a think about this guy.
Maybe, you know, include him more in the circle bit.
Yeah, the flames- well, he's the centre of it.
Uh, OK.
Great.
Right, well, we'll leave you to it.
Right, and just make sure you take your rubbish with you, OK? Yeah, of course.
Don't go leaving a bloody mess all over the place.
And I would just keep that chanting down to a minimum, OK? Yeah, of course.
We'll be quiet.
Yep.
Can we just hear that? Quiet.
(MUMBLED CHANTING) A little bit louder.
No, no.
I think that was good.
Do you not- you don't do the chanting? No, I'm just naked.
OK.
Have a good night.
Good night! Storm in a teacup, eh? Yeah, you never know.
Yeah.
It was weird seeing that guy from the hospital again, wasn't it? It was weird seeing that other guy.
Yeah.
It wasn't paranormal, though, was it? Nah, it was more abnormal.
I guess that's the job, though, isn't it? You know, sometimes it's normal; sometimes it's abnormal.
Copy that.
Look at this freaky looking clown.
What the I don't like that.
He can see you.
I don't- I don't like it.
He can see you.
Look.
Look how he's looking at you.
Slow down and look how he's looking at you.
(GROANS) Oh, God.
It's another one.
This must be some kind of crime, is it? Well, jaywalking, yes.
Times two.
Pass me the thing.
ECHOING THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER: Excuse me.
Return to the footpath, please.
Did you spike my coffee, O'Leary? Oh, what is this, now? He's doing the Running Man.
Is that a clown thing? He'd better not touch the car.
ECHOING THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER: Do that, but towards the footpath, sir.
He's running on the spot, but he needs to be running over to the r- whoa.
What? Whoa.
And now there's even more of them jaywalking.
There's multiple crimes.
Oh, God.
Now what's this? (CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) Wha- They can't do that.
More clowns.
More clowns, O'Leary.
ECHOING: Stop.
Stop the car.
Police, stop.
Don't say 'please' to them.
'Police, stop.
' 'Please stop.
' 'Police!' Look, anyway, this is getting weird.
OK, look, that is Now where are they going? This definitely- ECHOING: Excuse me.
Stay there.
Stay in the car.
(CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) They're going.
They're driving off, now.
Let's just- Yeah, turn the lights on.
OK? Yep.
What are we gonna do? Oh, God.
Now there's more- they're- all of them are coming now.
What is- what is going on? ECHOING: All of you, just stay still, please.
Yep, lock the doors.
Lock the doors.
What- ls there some sort of weird, disturbing circus in town? O'Leary.
Look at that one.
He's walking weird.
I don't want to look at that one.
I don't even like it.
There's too many of them, O'Leary! This is not funny.
I'm not even watching.
I don't wanna watch it.
It's making me feel sick.
There's too may of them, O'Leary.
ECHOING: Hey, get off of the car! Get away from the car! Get in the car! Now where are they going? Call for backup.
Put the lights on.
Call- Call for backup.
The lights are on.
Put the lights back on.
He's driving along with the door open.
ECHOING: Shut the door! That is completely unsafe! Unacceptable.
OK, this is a traffic infringement.
They've been jaywalking.
They've been dancing on the road.
Where's the siren? Put the thing on.
It's under here.
No, the big- the noise.
Hang on.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) ECHOING: Pull over, please.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) Uh, so what we have here is a large number of incredibly creepy and disturbing clowns, urn, paying no attention to the law.
Mm, mm, mm.
There's actually a worldwide trend of sightings of these creep)'.
freaky clowns, and it's- Um, it's just disappointing that it's made its way all the way to Wellington.
The other thing is, obviously, this is not a paranormal case, um, but the maximum number of clowns or people that should be in that small car is five, um, and I think they had at least, I think, 16 clowns getting in to that vehicle, and that's completely unsafe.
I'm glad it's my week with the Taser.
But, I mean, obviously, we just need to get them out of the car and have a good chat to them about, you know, just, some of their actions tonight were just completely, urn, irresponsible.
We should get these clowns down to the station anyway.
I think we're gonna have to book those clowns.
I don't know how we're gonna get all those clowns in our car.
It'll take multiple trips.
And they'll just be clowning around.
(CLOWN CAR ENGINE STARTS UP) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me.
Hang on.
Hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No.
Come on, guys.
Back you come.
Come here! Guys.
Where's our car? H- Here.
Guys.
Come here! Get the- These clowns are making us look like clowns.
I've got it! I've got it! Got it! I've got it! I'll get the car.
I've got it.
I've got it.
We should have got in the car.
Um, obviously, that was a mistake chasing the clown car.
(CLOWN CAR HORN HONKS) I mean, we did a good job, but we really should have got into the patrol vehicle.
We probably would have got them by now if we had done that.
Where is our car? Where's our car? So we haven't made it to the hospital yet.
We will get there, but we've been called out to a cemetery.
(GASPS) Go that way.
Sorry.
Another possible ghost sighting.
Yeah, there have been several witnesses who report seeing a number of ghosts having conversations in and amongst the gravestones.
Just chatting to each other, urn, which is pretty strange, but who knows what to expect from ghosts? Hello? Anybody there? It's the police.
We have pepper spray.
Pepper spray? That's body spray, Minogue.
We have body spray.
Smells bad.
(GIRLS MURMUR INCOHERENTLY) H ello.
Stop police terror.
Police-free zone.
What have you got left to do on Earth? What are you talking about? Let me see the pad, Minogue.
(PAPER RIPPING) That says 'Goths', not 'ghosts'.
'A group of Goths seen conferring around the gravestones.
' I could never read this handwriting.
Minogue, that's- That's your handwriting.
Well, I know that.
I can tell.
Because I can't read it.
What do you guys want from us? We're just minding our own business.
What are you actually doing hanging around in a cemetery at this time of night? We're just, like, rejecting normal society and stuff, and I live next door with my mum and dad.
We were both following this guy.
He was handing out party flyers, and he looked pretty pale and freaky.
Yeah.
Around here, somewhere? Actually, that's him over there.
That's great.
We'll have a chat with him.
Thank you very much.
The legal system should be against the law.
- Go that way, Minogue.
- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) Excuse me! NICK: So, you know Keith, who's got the mobile karaoke business? Oh,yup.
Hello! So he's bringing the truck, and it's gonna be great.
Awesome.
Uh, look, my Uber's here, so I Is that the guy (HISSES) Gidday, mate.
Oh, hey, man.
You look familiar.
Nah.
Sir.
Sir, we've met before.
Remember? No.
We were actually just coming to visit you at the hospital.
Nope.
That's a coincidence, eh? Yeah, you could say that.
Uh, what's in those bags? Uh, just pizza.
He's saying things, but he just keeps on running away faster.
Look, there's werewolves behind you.
What? Um I don't know.
(HISSES) Stop there! Sir! You need to stop! Can't go any further, can you? Freeze! Wait there.
It wasn't me.
What the hell? He can't do that.
(GRUNTS) Don't- Oh.
Away! No, come on.
Down you get.
No.
You're hurting my shin splints.
You're making a fool of yourself, mate.
Get off! Go away, pigs! Tie his shoelaces together! OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
Yeah, I'm just, um I'm just going to the hospital to drop them off.
Via a cemetery in the middle of the night? Yep.
I wasn't born yesterday, mate.
If I was, I'd still be a baby.
What are these? Party flyers? 'Come to my party'? Oh, that's- That's not my flyer.
OK.
Well, that's a big photo of your face, OK, on the middle of this flyer, and then it says, 'Nick's vampire party'.
You know, so, obviously, you're stealing this blood to, uh, spare innocent victims' lives.
The best part is that you can put a straw through the bag and you can drink it like a juicie.
Whoa.
There you go.
Really good to just pass around at a party or something.
Easy to drink.
Well, I guess that is actually quite clever.
Pretty clever.
So can you let me go? Nah! No.
No, look.
You know what? You're under arrest, OK, for stealing hospital property.
OK? And also for making a false statement.
What does that mean? Thank you.
What's this? Discrimination against vampires, now? Are we the minority? No.
The trying to, uh, just take the blood from a human person? That's all fair game, but stealing from a hospital? No way.
They need that for emergencies.
Just cos I'm a brown vampire walking through a cemetery on a Monday night with a bag of blood like, 18 bags of blood, I get pulled over.
You know, this is just discrimination because um, I'm not a white vampire, I guess.
So, if you guys are watching this, um, #BatLivesMatter.
Ouch.
A bit tighter.
There you go.
We're in Taita right now, actually.
Mm.
I think we'd better get him an isolated cell.
Yes, agreed.
Actually, no.
This is me right here.
Look, urn, we're taking you to the cells, OK? You'll be spending the night there.
No, I can't.
Like, the sun's gonna come up, and I'm gonna burn, so I'll just get off here.
Look, you've passed my- Mate, we're not falling for that this time, all right? We're not facing towards you, OK? You can see there's no eye contact, right? Excuse me, you need to put those back on, OK, sir? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
just put your handcuffs back on.
Hey.
Stop hassling me, pull the car over and let me get out.
All right.
Um just up here? Yeah.
just here behind this van.
Thank you very much.
Am I able to get the stuff out of the boot as well? Of course you are, mate.
Let me help you with that, eh? Nah, it's all good, officer.
Oh, and by the way, you're not gonna remember a single thing that's happened today.
You're not gonna remember that tonight happened or anything.
OK.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS) He was a nice guy.
What guy? I don't- I don't know.
(BOOT SLAMS SHUT) Cheers, guys.
He looks vaguely familiar.
Yeah, he was just touching the police car.
Should we follow him? Nah.
I think he's just one of those Deliver Easy guys.
(SCOFFS) Quiet night, eh? I reckon.
Abnormally quiet.
Yeah.
Certainly not paranormal.
No.
Not paranormal at all.
(CAR ENGINE WHIRRS) (FILING CABINET ROLLS, CREAKS) (PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE) (HORROR MUSIC) (GROWLS SOFTLY) (GROWLS, ROARS) Wha-! (CHOKES) (MUFFLED GROANING) (PANTING) (THUMPING FROM BIN) I knew it! Yokai!