What If...? (2021) s03e03 Episode Script

1
[The Watcher] New
York, December 1991.
The night the Winter Soldier came to
assassinate Howard and Maria Stark.
But in this universe,
how could a night so pivotal
in the lives of the Avengers,
an event whose ramifications
would be felt for decades,
how could it have
gone so differently?
[The Watcher] Time.
Space.
Reality.
It's more than a linear path.
It's a prism of
endless possibility,
where a single choice can branch
out into infinite realities,
creating alternate worlds
from the ones you know.
I am the Watcher.
I am your guide through
these vast new realities.
Follow me and ponder
the question
"What if?"
[Red Guardian] You've
got to be kidding me.
You want me to go undercover
as a Data Input Manager
- in Ohio?
- Senior Data Input Manager. Eh?
Middle management
ain't too shabby.
I am the Red Guardian. I am Mother
Russia's first super-soldier.
You know my worth, my talent,
and yet you ask this of me?
It's a pretty
top-priority mission.
Horseradish! I am no fool.
I've heard the rumors.
Whispers in the halls.
The Rook has sent new intel.
I've never heard of this crook.
Rook! It's a chess piece.
Dreykov, don't play dumb with me
when I'm obviously smarter than you.
I am speaking of the Rook,
the American sleeper agent,
- has intel on a high-value target.
- [phone ringing]
Uh, General Dreykov.
Aah! Da, Karpov.
Eh, there's a mission.
I need you to defrost the
the Winter Soldier.
The Winter Soldier? That
piece of HYDRA trash!
- I appreciate it, Karpov.
- He's not even real Russian.
Hey, hey, hey. We're
all a team here. Family.
Don't be mad that your brother
has a different mission.
Celebrate him, huh?
Huh. Maybe it's time for the Red
Guardian to spread his wings.
Go somewhere that will
appreciate my skills!
Celebrate that, Dreykov!
What you're going to do, huh?
Put in an application at
S.H.I.E.L.D.? [scoffs]
Then the Red Guardian shall
demonstrate his value once again.
All right.
["Le Chemin" by Alexandrov Ensemble
& Boris Alexandrov playing]
[grumbles]
[speaking Russian]
[console beeping]
[speaking English]
Ready to comply.
[music continues]
[screams]
- [female officer] Name?
- I am Uh
- Uh, Bob Toledo.
- Business or pleasure?
Well, I come for the
pleasure of doing business.
[both laugh]
Wise guy.
[engine starts]
[accelerating]
[car, tires screeching, thuds]
- [panting, groans]
- [shield clangs]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! The mission
is to steal the fancy serum.
No witnesses.
No murder. The Red Guardian is
Russia's greatest super-spy.
Anyone can kill.
Bang-bang, easy-peasy,
but I am the night
and I am the wind.
I am here, and then
vanish without a trace.
- No witnesses.
- Yes, witnesses.
This way Stark runs back to
his capitalist pig friends
and warns them that the revolution
is coming and he wears red.
And white.
And that you were here too. Da?
- [gunshots, ricochets]
- Hyah!
Behold my technique.
Hyah!
[laughs, groans]
[laughs, groans]
The Red
[groans]
Technique.
[thuds, vibrating]
Well, not bad.
Boom!
[screams] Biting is cheating.
[both grunting]
[sirens approaching]
[screams]
[beeping]
[radio chatter in distance]
Oh, I have one of those, too. Heavy,
though. I left it in my luggage.
- Is that the XZ-Eight?
- Ten.
- Ten?
- XZ-Ten.
What happened to the nine?
Was there a nine? I
didn't get a nine.
[Karpov] Did you
secure the package?
One out of three ain't bad.
Negative. We secured one.
No witnesses?
There were complications.
You have failed your mission, soldier.
Your team has been compromised.
- You're on your own for extraction.
- What?
- Over.
- [groans]
Typical Red Room borscht.
They say they care, but do they?
[blows raspberry]
Mission failure? I never fail.
[knocks]
[siren blaring]
Listen up.
The name is Dr. Bill Foster. I'm the
head of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Science Division
which makes me the primary
on this investigation.
Who was first on the scene?
That would be me.
- Talk to me, Ranger.
- Ranger Morales, sir.
- Mm-hm.
- Howard and Maria Stark.
Concussions, lacerations, but
expected to make a full recovery.
- Great. What'd they see?
- Um, not much.
The wife was unconscious. The
husband saw two men fighting.
Best guess would have been
a carjacking gone wrong.
"Best guess"?
Ranger, in my world, we don't
get the luxury of guessing.
Yes, but that trail of
blue Cookie Monster blood
has me thinking
it's a little worse
than a couple of knuckleheads
out for a joyride.
- Mm-hm.
- What's that gunk anyway?
This gunk can change
the course of history.
- Seriously?
- Oh, yeah.
Agents and officers,
shut down the airports, train
stations, and bus stations.
I want a hard perimeter
stretching from here to Ohio.
We are dealing with genetically,
biologically, physically,
and mechanically
enhanced super-soldiers.
These men are trained to
infiltrate and destroy.
They are capable
of the unthinkable.
To face them is to face death.
A-ha!
Foisting capitalist greed
onto the working man!
I don't blame you, sister.
You've been brainwashed
by the bourgeoisie pigs
who force you into paper
hats and servitude!
Sir. All I asked was if
you wanted fries with that.
Demand a revolution!
Seize the means of production!
The nuggets of chicken
are yours for the taking!
- Alexei
- Your masters have you slinging burgers,
but when, when, when
do you get to eat?
I'm a vegetarian, fart-knocker!
Hah. Hey, Lucy, is it?
That's a pretty name.
Listen, my friend's had a rough night.
Can we get a couple sixes and two Cokes?
Sure. I'll throw in
some extra fries.
What in the pelmeni was that?
Your idiocy triggered
my deep cover mode.
Well, knock it off, Captain
Personality. You're embarrassing us.
You're going to get us caught.
[Red Guardian] Mmm.
Mwah!
I was liberating her mind.
Breaking her mental shackles.
It's what I do.
That's it. The Rook.
The secret legend who will flip the
US hegemony like a Monopoly board.
The man who will unite the
workers and reshape history.
[chuckles]
[Winter Soldier] Alexei.
The Rook will help us. Especially
when he sees we have this.
Ha-ha! Here. The most recent
communiqué has him in Last Vegas.
It's Las Vegas.
That's what I said. It's very
rude to correct my English.
Obviously, they forgot to
program any manners into you.
[slurping]
- Now, we must acquire transport.
- [rock music playing in distance]
[tires screeching]
[spits]
Lenin smiles upon us.
These fries are pretty good.
They must be made from
Russian potatoes. Ha!
Russia's the best.
Oh.
Hm.
I'll handle this one.
Relax, relax. The Red
Guardian has this.
Are you relaxing? It's
very hard to tell.
Your eyes so angry, like
Winter Fox.
Uh, ah, how can I
help you, officer?
Just a routine check-in.
Say, where are
you fellas headed?
[stuttering]
- Sister's.
- Yes, to visit our sister.
It's her birthday.
You guys are brothers?
What'd you get your
sister for her birthday?
'Cause I cannot
for the life of me
figure out what to get
my wife for Christmas.
- Sweater.
- Television.
You got her a sweater
and a television?
Wow! That's very generous.
Nice story, but where
are you really headed?
[chuckles nervously]
Step out of the vehicle
and keep your hands
- [screams]
- Whoa! Hey!
[screech]
Really? Again with the guns?
I had wool over his eyes.
Target spotted. In pursuit.
Exercise caution, but get them.
Get in, cowboy.
Let's go round up
some super-soldiers.
[Red Guardian] Stop with the bullets.
You should dance with your enemies.
It is like a great
ballet of violence.
[siren blaring]
No!
[indistinct]
Where did that come from? Did
you have that the whole time?
No, no, don't shoot!
- Dance.
- Hey! Stop swerving!
I told you. Dance!
Hey! This is federal property.
Come on, man.
Dance! Dance!
- It's jammed.
- You know
what Karl Marx said
about machines?
They make men lazy.
Stop! Stop! It's over.
Surrender yourselves.
The Red Guardian
never surrenders!
Hands off!
Dance technique!
[screaming]
[Red Guardian laughs]
Winter Fox and the Red Guardian!
Sir, what are you
You're never gonna
catch them on foot.
Whoa!
Okay, sir, I see you.
Ah, impressive.
I'm sorry, farmers!
Although of all the animals
kept by this farmer,
it is the worker who is
most brutally treated!
Again with the manifesto?
You're more brainwashed than me.
Whoa! Winter Fox. We've
got a big problem.
[Goliath] Nowhere to go, baby.
Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.
Why is everything
so big in America?
- [engine accelerating]
- [Red Guardian screams]
- Sorry, chickens. Sorry, cows.
- [chickens clucking, cows mooing]
[distant mooing]
Take the wheel.
Where are you? Where are Yes!
Mwah!
We've got work to do.
Technique!
The bigger they are,
the harder they fall.
Ha-ha!
This is a quality automobile,
which is a credit to the
workers' union that built it.
- Keep going?
- Why not?
I have nowhere else to be today.
They're not
Okay, these two are either the
bravest or dumbest men on the planet.
Worse. Enhanced and dumb.
[operatic chanting]
[screaming]
- [both gasp]
- [Winter Solider grunts]
[gasps]
[helicopter hovering]
[dog barks distantly]
[crickets chirping]
[Morales] Found it!
Hmm. You're still
on the case, Ranger?
The National Park Service
is a federal agency, sir.
Besides, I once wrestled
Bigfoot with my bare hands.
- What?
- Nah, it was just a mountain lion.
But the point is, these
yahoos don't scare me.
[chuckles softly]
Uh-huh? I see you.
- Is that a Thomas Guide?
- Mm.
With a page missing.
Looks like we're
going to Vegas, baby.
[siren wailing in distance]
[Red Guardian] Hah.
This This will garner me a
commendation, maybe even a medal.
Ah!
You're hurt. Why didn't
you say something?
The Winter Soldier never
complains, only complies.
Stop it. You're scaring
the kittens. Let me.
[meows]
You know, you're supposed
to catch the bullets
with your metal arm. Hm?
How'd that happen?
How did you happen?
I come from a
family of nobodies.
Good people but then I had
the chance to become somebody.
Now, I am Mother Russia's great
protector, her Red Guardian.
Pretty good for a
boy from nowhere, eh?
I'm a nobody. I can't
even remember anything.
[Red Guardian] Nothing?
Not even my name.
[Red Guardian] I
don't believe that.
Look at you. You are
strong man with big brain.
- Close your eyes.
- No.
- Close
- No.
Closey, close.
- Okay, fine.
- Now, think. Think back.
What's the first thing you see?
[Winter Soldier] I see
I see
I see Coney Island.
See! You are somebody.
You are the great
Coney Island hero.
And the Red Guardian is
proud to fight next to you.
- Thank you.
- I'm going to steal us a new ride.
Maybe something nice.
Some heated seats, yeah?
- [phone ringing]
- [sighs]
Ready to comply.
Soldier, this is
General Dreykov.
Mission orders have changed.
You're to dispose of Agent Alexei
Shostakov, the Red Guardian.
Repeat orders, sir?
Shostakov has
become a liability.
Put a bullet in his thick
skull and get back here.
Do you copy?
Do I need to remind you that mission
failure will not be tolerated?
No, sir.
[sighs] All these lights! Who's
paying the electric bills?
The worker, that is who.
Maybe we should play
some craps later.
You know, to blend in?
Yeah, but no
all-you-can-eat buffets.
You'll put them out of business.
Ah! A smile, huh?
[speaking Russian]
[speaking English]
Here we are. [pants]
Shield, helmet. Um
[exhales] Okay.
[inhales] Now, finally
to meet the Rook.
How do I look?
You look good. Very Russian.
May Lenin smile upon us.
[The Rook] Come
on in. It's open.
Pop the cork, will ya?
I can shuck my own
Well, you're not room
service. What's going on?
Comrade Rook, I am
the Red Guardian, sir.
This is my compatriot,
the Winter Soldier.
It is our honor to meet you.
I thought he'd be taller. Did
you think that? Is that weird?
Well, what are you?
Why are you dressed
like this? Are you a
Is he gonna shoot you out
of a cannon later or
You are the nefarious Rook who
will bring Uncle Sam to his knees.
You will ignite the revolution
that frees the proletariat.
Wait, so you two
are Rusky spies?
What are you doing
in my hotel room?
Our mission was compromised. We
require transport back to Russia.
Whoa, I am no Russian spy. I
am a hot-blooded American boy.
You are the Rook!
You strike fear into the
hearts and wallets
I feel like I'm speaking
a different language here.
Okay, okay.
Look, I traded the Russians some
information on Stark's hunky-dory serum.
A little tit-for-tat.
And in return, you two idiots
were supposed to kill the Starks!
Now, I was supposed to be givin'
a tear-filled eulogy
about the fool right now,
while they scrape his
name off Stark Industries.
But instead, Howard Stark's sitting
eatin' tapioca in a hospital,
and I'm talking to you, Stupid
Siegfried and Angry Roy!
What?
You are
You are capitalist pig?
Red Room work with
capitalist pig?
Red Guardian work
for capitalist pig?
Hey, listen, husky Rusky,
capitalism is the only system
that stands for a man's right to own
his work, his life, and his happiness.
Any man who thinks money is the
root of all evil is obviously poor.
Not a country on this planet
that doesn't run on greed.
Tell me something.
You think your bosses, your comrades
give two nickels about you? Hm?
About what you want from life?
No. They don't.
[chuckles] Well, you
must be the funny one.
It's just you two, right?
Only you know about
this mission failure.
It's not something
you brag about.
[grunts]
[screams]
Hm.
I think I murdered that guy.
- I'm sorry.
- He was not a nice man.
He's right, though. About
the Red Room, Dreykov
Dreykov's a pig.
All of them are.
But not you. You are a good man.
- [sighs]
- [sirens approaching]
Come on. We need to go.
[thuds, grunts]
Red Room Task Force. [grunts]
You animals.
Should we take the stairs?
Window will be faster.
- Let's go.
- Scum!
Ah-ha, adventure!
The intrepids are calling!
Ya!
Opa! Opa! Ya! Ya!
So, our Russians spare
the Starks, but not baldy?
Something about this
math isn't adding up.
[distant screaming]
- [people scream]
- [Red Guardian grunts]
A-ha-ha!
[sighs]
Nice moves. Okay.
[both panting]
- [indistinct chatter]
- Whoa!
Again with the murdering.
You were doing so well.
[slot machines pinging]
- Jackpot.
- [all exclaiming]
Mine, that's mine.
Oh, brilliant.
- Uh?
- What? I'm not getting overtime for this.
I have one last chip of my own.
- [man] Hey!
- [woman] What are they doing?
Hut, hut, hut.
[pants]
- [horns honking]
- [Red Guardian] Whoa!
[Goliath] Where are you goin'?
Oh! This guy again?
[Goliath] You can't outrun me.
- I thought we were done with the big guy.
- [siren wails]
Hey!
- [grunting]
- [tires screeching]
[grunts]
- Hey!
- [Goliath] Up you go.
[groaning]
[Goliath] Hey, little man.
[screams]
[sighs in exhaustion]
[both groaning]
Defeat the capitalist giant.
Uh-oh!
[car alarms blaring]
- Technique!
- Technique!
[Red Guardian laughs]
That's how we do it in Moscow.
Thank you.
Ah. Not bad. Pretty smooth.
Is that it? Are they gone?
Not gone. Cornered.
Get the choppers over here,
and call Las Vegas SWAT to secure
the exits on that building.
I don't want a rat
to get in or out.
Get the choppers over here.
Call Las Vegas SWAT to secure
the exits on the building.
I don't want a
[panting]
We did it. I think
we lost them
[gunfire]
The Red Room just arrived.
Karpov can flip my
switch. I'll be gone.
I won't remember this.
[sighs]
[phone ringing]
Ready to comply?
[Karpov] You failed your mission, soldier.
Dreykov warned you what would happen.
Dreykov?
Dreykov put out a
kill order on you.
Uh. Oh?
You mean he told you to
Take this and run. I'll
buy you time to escape.
No. No.
They betray me, I betray them!
The Red Room has enough
soldiers. We'll fight together.
[speaking Russian]
What is happening?
He's gonna make me kill you,
Alexei. He can force me.
- [continues in Russian]
- [groans in pain]
[whirring]
[in Russian]
Save yourself. This is America.
Anybody can be somebody in America.
[in Russian]
I remember that, thanks to you.
But I know who I am.
I am the friend to the
great Coney Island hero.
- [in Russian]
- [groaning]
[in Russian]
On my count, gentlemen.
[in Russian]
Three.
[in Russian]
Two.
[in Russian]
One.
[in Russian]
[echoing]
[gasps]
[indistinct screaming, gunfire]
[The Watcher] Fighting for
survival. For acceptance.
Fighting to be somebody.
But in the end, the
fight is never the point.
It's your friendships that
change the course of history.
Even when they end.
[Dreykov] Where's Shostakov?
Where is he?
I told ya. He's dead.
I want details. I
want to see his body.
He died a Russian hero.
[speaking Russian]
[groaning, screaming]
[Bob] You're weak, children.
Blinded by American excess.
Luckily, Coach
Bob Toledo is here
to make you fighters!
[door opens]
[Foster] An agent
recovered it at the scene.
Thank you.
But are you here to arrest me?
No.
S.H.I.E.L.D. was formed
after World War II.
A war that Russia helped us win.
We won. You helped.
Well, I wanted to see
if you'd help again.
Seriously?
[chuckles]
Man
I could be persuaded to
fill out an application.
["Avengers Theme" playing]
[Red Guardian laughs] Whoa!
[music stops]
[orchestral music playing]