Will and Grace s04e07 Episode Script

Bed, Bath & Beyond

Sweetie? Ugh.
No, no.
nooo Light's too bright Look, I know you're still upset about you and Nathan but I think I've got something that's gonna cheer you up Italian Fashion magazine! You know, we can go through the models and draw in the facial hair where they've airbrushed it out You know, if you listen to pigeons long enough they start to sound like they're saying "loser.
" looossserrr I just--I think if you got up and got dressed, you'd feel better Come on, I'll pick you out an outfit Let's see what we got here Uh Oh! How about this? Little crop top, little miniskirt and platform wedges There we go Ohh, pretty! And the pi?e de resistance Un petit chapeau, huh? Oh, look at that! Who's my best girl? Who's gorgeous? Will, I look like I've been flattened by a steamroller The steamroller of cuteness! And I think the world should see how cute you look so come on, Gracie Adler we're getting up out of bed and we are going out that door and we're gonna greet the new day with a breath of fire Are you with me? Ok, let's go! Yeah! - Good night, Grace - Good night Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Bed, Bath and Beyond ) ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 Ŭ·´ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace Season 4 How is she? I came as soon as I heard I called you three days ago Uh, hello! I got a life Your mole is smeared So how is she since the big man dumped her?? Would you try to be a little more sensitive? So how is she since the hot big man dumped her? She's a mess Sleeping all the time not eating Thank God she hasn't broken out the slides yet - Ugh.
Thank God is right! - You know about the slides? No.
I just assumed it had something to do with her womanity so I thought we'd just skate right past it No Slides of Grace as a kid You know, whenever she hits a real low point she breaks out the slide projector and spends a few days trying to figure out "where it all went wrong.
" I'd say it was the day she became a gay man and fell in love with you Ok I'm going down to the market pick up some doughnuts and dental floss Ok, "doughnuts and dental floss.
" Why don't you just make an announcement? "I'm sleeping alone tonight.
" Just do me a favor and please don't go in her room I think I'm really close to getting her out Ok I mean it, Jack Do not go in that room I heard you, mother Ok, I know you're just standing on the other side of the door and I think it's pretty rotten that you don't trust your best friend Sucker! Grace Are you sleeping? I was Well, now that you're up Hi! Jack, I--I really wanted to be by myself I know Me, too Anyway you know, sometimes my mom would take to her bed for weeks and I was the only one who could help She'd say "Jackie, sing me a song" and I would She'd say "Cuddle with me, Jackie" and I would I do believe that that may have been the root of me becoming an entertainer Either that or it was the root of you becoming a big 'mo You're funny when you're devastated Anyway, I find that the one thing that really makes people smile is my music Or my oddly long tongue your choice - Music - Good! Grace, I finally figured out how to make Jack 2001 different than Jack 2000 You're gonna get an audience? No I'm gonna sing a medley of songs with the word "one" in them Yeah! So let the healing begin Hit it! You're still the one I want to talk to in bed Hey! Still the one that turns my head You're still having fun and you're stillThe one singular sensation every little step she takes One thrilling combination Every move that she makes One less bell to answer One less egg to fry One less man to pick up after I should be happy but all I do is cry Oh, Grace Are you crying? Uh-huh Oh, is it because of my song? Uh-huh I can't believe I made you cry It's ok Ok? It's great! I did it! I finally moved someone to tears with my art! Jack? Come on, cry! Cry, damn it! Jack! - What the hell are you doing?! - Will, please make it stop Shake a can of pennies at it Will, a marvelous thing has happened I've reached someone and I realize that I can do it - over and over and over again! - Ow, ow, ow! Jack, that's fantastic! Come here, you! I'm sorry, sweetie Come here Oh, Will How did this happen? I wanted to marry Nathan and he wanted to break up with me How could I not have known that? One less bell to ring-- Don't make it worse Hi, girls How's Grace? - Bad - How bad? Mariah Carey in Glitter Hi, honey What you doing? Just reading some old letters Nathan wrote me Listen to this one It's beautiful "We We need milk.
" I mean, how sweet is it to remind me to get milk? Well, I've never understood the mating rituals of the poor but But it-- It sounds nice This should've worked out, Karen Oh, coulda, shoulda Prada, honey! Listen, I know what your problem is You have all of this unfinished business with Nathan I do There's so much that I never got to say to him Well, say it to me, honey! Come on, we'll role-play Yeah, I did something like this with Rosario when Stan went to prison and it really helped Yeah, I'm moving on I'm--I'm firing people again I'm having fun! Well, I guess it couldn't make me feel worse Ok First of all, Nathan I need to know what made you change your mind I don't know Sometimes things just don't work out But we were perfect together Well, you know, it just didn't feel right How can you say that? I mean, we had such an incredible connection.
I mean when in your life have you had sex like that? Oh.
Uh Actually Never Didn't you love having sex with me? I did Wasn't it amazing? Yeah, it It was it It was amazing - I miss having sex with you - I miss having sex with you, too And I miss everything else about you I miss everything else about you, too - I love you, Nathan - I love you, Grace! Hmm Ok I gotta go Come on, Wilma Dance with us It'll make you feel better I'm worried about Grace I don't feel like dancing Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gay I can worry while I'm dancing We've been so worried! - Oh, honey! - How are you?! - Hi - Hi! it's good to have you back and you look fantastic I do like your hair like that, honey What do you call that style? Psycho chic It's the same look Anne Heche had when they picked her up in Fresno Ooh! Oh, that's my first clever banter in three days I should've stretched first - Oh, it's a little chilly in here, huh? - I'll get your blankey I'll get the drugs from the bathroom I'll get some money from Will's wallet Hi It's Will and Grace Will you Grace us with your message? I told you to stay away from that answering machine! Hi.
It's Joanie over at Hoffman Travel calling for Nathan I'm booking his trip to the Bahamas and I need to know how Suzie spells her last name Suzie? By the way, I got you guys upgraded to a suite It's so romantic Stellar views and it's so lovely It's so private, you can walk around naked if you want to Anyway, call me For now, I'll just give Suzie your last name Whew! That was close Sweetie, how are you? I'm ok Where are you? I'm under the bed Ok I think I'll just take the tweezers so we don't have a repeat of the "If I don't have Danny I don't deserve eyebrows" incident And I think you know what else I need No - Come on, Grace - No - Give me the slides - No! If you don't I'll have to call your mom Good girl Like I'd give these puppies up Well, it's gotten worse She's under the bed bumming out the boogeyman Who you calling? Honey, the only way we're gonna get Grace out of that bed is with a big strong man Rosario, get over here! Good idea! She can scrub the hurt and anger out of Grace's knits and fine washables Finally, you're here! You know, if you're gonna leave me in the limo for five hours the least you could do is crack a window What, and let you start yapping out at all the other maids so that they can come over and jump on the car? I don't think so You better watch it, lady because the next time you take a bath it'll be rub-a-dub-dub I drop the blender in the tub Ohh You're the best Now get your ass in there and get that girl out of bed Okey dokey Where's the hose? Hose! Sorry, I don't have a hose Actually, it's the reason I almost didn't take this apartment I'll make do Does she really hose you out of bed every morning? I don't know, honey I get a lot of cold water coming at me real fast I don't really know where it comes from - Maybe I should go in there with her - Will, don't go in there It could get ugly And this is me as a little girl Look at that big goofy smile Stupid idiot, open your eyes! no one's ever gonna love you! This is me with my little dog tokey He got run over by a car Lucky bastard Wow, my bat mitzvah "Today I'm a woman" "Borechu et adonai I'm gonna die alone!" I'm saying it's not a long movie We can go, see it, and then come back She'll never know we're gone No We have to be here for Grace Call and see if there's a 9:30 show What's going on? Where's Grace? Did you mistake her for some of my jewelry and stuff her down your pants? Suck it I'm going out for some Pop Secret When I watch a slide show I like a snack Slides? Damn it! Really, this is not gonna help I'm not ready It's not time It's for your own good! I just saw Grace's boob You don't understand He dumped me and found someone new in four days Karen, take her pants off You know, after what happened earlier I think I'll just wash her feet - I am not taking my clothes off - Fine, leave them on Jack, get the water Aah! I don't like this! You think I like it? I'm in a shower with three other people and it's not even the seventies! Everybody, grab a soap and start scrubbing Guys Oh, my gosh girls have such soft backs Jack, get your hand off my ass Relax, I'm a certified nurse Guys Guys All right, stop I said stop! Look, I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you all are I wish that I were but I'm not Will, your lover of seven years left you and you have to live every day knowing that he's out there loving someone else I couldn't do that I would die And, Karen your husband's in prison the rock of your life and you don't know when you're gonna see him again If I were you I'd be a total wreck And, Jack You're so resilient You're a 32-year-old actor-singer who gets involved in a million different relationships and never gets invested in any of them I wish that I could do that, but I can't I'm not like any of you I just handle things differently, so, please just let me go back to bed and deal with things the only way that I know how You know what? You're right I've deluded myself this whole time into thinking that I'm ok, but the truth is I haven't been able to have a good relationship since Michael Maybe you're right to stay in bed and deal with it.
I mean Maybe I'm the one who got out of bed too early Honey You were right I don't know when Stan's coming back I mean, for all I know it could be years I gotta stop lying to myself, Grace I'm really lonely I I miss him When you said I'm an actor-singer who jumps from one relationship to another it made me realize You didn't say dancer And I've always felt in my heart that the dance is my strong point That's so depressing This is me doing a split jump on the trampoline.