Will and Grace s04e18 Episode Script

Cheatin' Trouble Blues

Hold the door Hold the door! Sorry about that It's just it's my parents' anniversary and I want to get up to the Rainbow Room before they do and my friend's moving a little slow Come on, Grace!! She can't walk in heels She thinks she can but she can't Ok These shoes! How's a woman supposed to walk in these things? I blame "Sex in the City" for this I want it off - Come on, help me - Oh, I'm-- Ahh! Could you just hold it for one more second? I'd hold it, but you don't want to get near her feet Hey, hey, hey Wow, wow I asked you to hold it! What's the matter with you? - What kind of person does that? - Yeah.
You really blew it If you'd been a nicer person you could have had one of these More than that I once made out with a stranger in an elevator But now you can forget about it You still got a pretty good shot Will's parents are gonna love this cake, Kare Baker did such a good job I love the little scalloped edges Oh Those aren't scallops, honey Those are Rosario's teeth marks I finally had to hold her head like a can opener and let her go all the way around Made a cute pattern, though I hope there's someone cute on the elevator I'd love a deep, committed relationship for 30 floors or so Honey, we're not taking that elevator But this is the only one that goes up to the Rainbow Room Ubba dibba wubba dubba dubba dah gah gagga! We're takin' the stairs Come on! What are you talking about? Bad experience on that elevator Horrible! If my brain could still send signals to my face you could see the terror in my eyes Don't want to talk about it Don't make me talk! It's like 65 floors up! I ain't walkin' that! Damn you! why don't I have my own money? Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Cheating Trouble Blues) ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ This matchbook isn't working Maybe we should move to another table - No.
It's fine - But it's wiggling! Here What are you gonna do with the other one? I used it already to wrap my gum in I'm sorry I just want everything to be perfect you know, for when I give them their gift Are you sure about this whole cruise idea? I mean, your parents can't stand being in the same room together Now you want to lock them on a boat for two weeks? Look, I know they've had their problems in the past but, lately, things have been different I'll believe it when I see it Oh! Oh, no, no.
No Stop.
Stop We're in public Oh, and your child is watching! Hey! George, Marilyn happy anniversary! Hey, hey, kiddo Give me a hug Not too hard I got a little Korean trainer who's mad at the world Can you believe that your father's working out? I've got to keep up with you Look at her, will you? She's the same size as the day I met her - Show me your stuff - Come on.
Get out Oh, we're going to check my wrap - If we're not back in five minutes - Don't you come lookin' for us You see? With the touching and the grabbing? Yeah Wow The only way my mother could get my father to do that is if she hid the remote in her track suit Well, what do you think's gotten into those two? It's pretty obvious, isn't it? My father must have ended his affair with Tina You think? Oh A married man ending his affair with his mistress and going back to his wife What is more romantic than that? Now, tell me what you see - Be honest - Ok Your left cheek is lifting nicely Ooh, your right one comes up to meet it, a nice kiss in the middle Oh, yeah Beautiful I give that ass an A-plus It's nice Uh, you may want to give it a lower grade I don't want my ass to get a big head Oh! Before we go up can you just do it one more time? Honey, I said no I did it for you four times before we left the house Please! Just one more time All right Liza with a "Z"! Oh, by the way, Will that guy that just made partner at my firm-- Brian He's gay Really? The Canadian guy? Oh, jeez, that was it-- Canadian He's gonna call ya anyway - Oh, Will, stop tickling me - I'm not tickling you Oh, I'm so sorry, Grace My goodness that's a thick stubble I thought that was George's leg Will was rushing me - I didn't have time to-- - Oh, don't apologize, darling I appreciate the feminist statement I went through that myself in the sixties burned my bra and everything Just made me feel hairy and saggy I think I rented that one: When Hairy Met Saggy Help me Ok, I can't wait any longer I've got to give you you present - Ok, close your eyes - All right And Open 'em Tada! Oh, sweetheart you shouldn't have! - It's so beautiful - We love it Guys Open the envelope Oh! William, a cruise Oh, golly, I can't believe it You're going to the South Pacific This is fantastic I've always wanted to go on a cruise and you know your mom likes any excuse to take anti-nausea medication Oh, my God Mar, look at this-- Lou Ferrigno's doin' Give 'Em Hell Harry in the Jubilee Theater Come on, Grace Let's go tinkle Um, heh heh Marilyn, I'm a grown woman I think I know when I have to tinkle I have to tinkle Eh? I don't know what to say This is so-- so generous of you It's so thoughtful Makes me happy to make you happy Well, you know speaking of that h-how how how booked is the cruise? What do you mean? Well, like, extra rooms like if I, you know, if I kinda If somebody extra wanted to come along Like who? Well, like a buddy or some Don't make me say it Tina?! Are you actually asking me if you can bring your mistress along on your anniversary cruise? You said you wanted me to have fun Ok - Only 20 more flights - Hold on a second I gotta sit down for a minute You know, I'm not as young as I used to be Although, I am younger than I was ten years ago What are you complainin' about? I had to carry the cake all the way up here Kehh! What cake? This cake! Oh, my God! - I must have set it down! - Honey, honey, honey come here Come here.
Come here A little bit closer Listen I'm too tired to slap you Bash your face against my palm, would ya? I totally deserve that Now, think! Where did you leave it? Ok, ok, ok.
Wait a minute What floor were we on when I pantsed you? The 21st floor Are you sure? Positive 'cause I remember thinking "Here I am on the 21st floor with no pants on!" "Again.
" Ok, well, then, that's it Let's go.
come on Let's go back down and get it Honey, why do I have to go with you? Well, I sure as hell ain't gonna pants myself What? Do you think I'm an idiot? Let's go! Grace? What? I'm busy Your mother's making me wipe off some of my blush or, as she put it "I want to see the girl under the clown.
" My father is still seeing Tina What? We're sitting at the table We're talking about the cruise then all of a sudden, he's like "can I bring a buddy?" He wants to bring Tina! - So, what do you want me to do? - Just act normal Grace? Ok Time to send in the clown Oh, there you are, darling Could you ask Will something for me? Sure Anything How booked is that cruise? 'Cause I'd sort of like to bring a buddy Wow Heh Does--Does--Does George know that you're having an affair? No! No oh, please don't put it like that It sounds so tawdry "Affair.
" Well, how would you put it? Well, let's see, um I'm having a consensual adult relalationship with a man who's not my husband And it's raunchy as hell My mother has a similar relationship with pastrami His name is Tim, and oh He's a yoga instructor Oh, Lord, I have never I've just never been so in touch with my body and And I enjoy classes, too Ok! O! K! This has been fun You shared I shared Well, I didn't really share I'm gonna share now You're making me really uncomfortable, so I gotta go Oh, no.
No, no Grace, please? I'm dying to talk to you I can't talk to my friends They're so sophisticated and elegant and you're, uh, you're, uh Well, you're one of the people I just Oh, please Just ask me Ask me something kinky and uh, personal about Tim, hmm? Ok Um Come on Is Tim Short for "Timothy"? Tim's not short for anything You see? And I thought I was being safe there How did this evenstart? Well, let's see I was complaining to George that he was never at home and he said "well, get a hobby.
" So I did And then when I turned out that my tennis pro was homosexual I got another hobby - Forgot the cake - Afraid of an elevator - Forgot the cake - Afraid of an elevator - Cake forgetter! - Elevator afraider! My feet are killing me If I knew we were gonna do all this walking I would've worn flats Yeah? Well, if I'd known we were gonna do all this walking I would've saddled up Rosario like when we go to Greece There's your damn cake! Now we have to walk all the way back up This is so stupid! Whatever made you afraid of an elevator anyway? I'll never forget it My fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch and, suddenly The lights went out the elevator dropped, and Dennis Hopper said he would kill us all if his demands weren't met I thank God Keanu Reeves was there to get us out Karen, that wasn't you That was the opening scene of Speed Oh You know, that movie was not at all what was advertised You think you're going to see a feel-good movie about amphetamines and, suddenly you're on a bus? Wh--? Wait So you're not afraid of elevators? Guess not So we walked all the way down the stairs for nothing? Guess so Heh heh I can't believe this I feel like such an idiot! Well - We better start up again - I'll lead the way What? You brought me here I know I'm stalling for time I have something to tell you and it's really hard - Well, ease into it, then - Your mother's having an affair And where was the easing into that? - She is, Will - She is not What were her exact words? - "Can I bring a buddy?" - Oh, my God, she's having an affair Who is it? What? Her tennis pro? No He's gay Peter? Really? So, who is it? Her yoga instructor-- Tim who isn't short for anything Fantastic Everybody's cheating on everybody! Suddenly, my parents are Fleetwood Mac (Çø®Æ®¿ìµå ¸Æ: ¼ö¾øÀÌ ¸â¹ö ±³Ã¼¸¦ ÇÑ ¿µ±¹ÀÇ ºí·ç½º ¹êµå) What am I gonna do about this? You're not gonna do anything They're fine They each have someone now They're even so just leave it alone It's like a scab Don't pick at it Oh, what are you talking about? You always pick at scabs You scratch yourself just so you'll have a scab to pick at I have changed I've learned Please We've never changed or learned anything in our lives Will, I'm telling you and I'm not saying that I understand it But this is what works for your family And, just look at them They do look pretty happy They are happy Ok, but I'm not comfortable with this Then, again, I'm not comfortable with Jim Carrey in dramatic roles but I guess that's just one more thing I'm gonna have to get used to Whoo! Oh, boy.
Oh! - Hi, you guys - Hey Where have you guys been? We were expecting you to be here, like, an hour ago Ahh Well The first time we took the stairs 'cause Karen was afraid of the elevators-- Ha! And then the second time we took the stairs because Oh! This cruise is unbelievable You can have lunch any time of the day I guess I can do that anyway but for some reason it's more exciting on a boat And there is so much to do Oh, look at that Ice-skating lessons with Michelle Kwan To be fair when he bought the tickets that seemed like a much bigger deal Hey, they've got a driving range on this boat You know I just may grab my balls and my club and sneak off and play a little All right Well, while you're sneaking off doing that maybe I'll just sneak off and um Do a little yoga Why don't you two just say what's really going on? Scab You're still seeing Tina and you're seeing some guy named Tim And it's been picked Tim? What's a Tim? You're having an affair with a guy named Tim? What does he wear, a propeller hat? Well, I wouldn't call it an affair, exactly It's really just uh, it's kind of a-- Oh, the hell with it It is an affair All right, I said it! It's an affair! I don't believe what I'm hearing Did you hear what-- You want-- Am I supposed to-- I can't even finish a thought Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary~ Happy anniversary~ Would you get the hell outta here? No! We hauled this cake up It has our blood, sweat and tears in it, literally Now, you're gonna eat the cake and you're gonna like the cake! Yeah We're exhausted and we're not going anywhere Hey, look, the bar's open and a homo See ya I'm gonna leave you two to talk about this Come on, Grace We'll wait over here But the cake's that way Oh, my God They're holding hands This could turn out to be a good anniversary after all You know, they talk it out clear the air maybe discover some of the things they loved about each other to begin with This cruise could be like a second honeymoon, you know? Unlike the first, she won't be pregnant with my stupid brother - Oh, darling, hello - So, uh Well? Well, we talked it out Great And I think for the first time in a really long time we really heard each other I'm so glad - And we're separating - What? We think it's for the best, darling I'm so sorry, kiddo I mean, you planned this nice dinner and you spent all that money on the cruise I don't care about the cruise Look, I don't want you to do this Please don't do this You should not do this You're doing this Oh, Grace I found this under the table leg I think it's yours Well, sweetie, looks like you and I are goin' on a cruise-- Sun, sand Oh, look Wednesday night in the Horizon Room Sinbad's appearing in Man of La Mancha You know this can actually be great We could use a fun vacation I'll put on my Greek fisherman's cap and you'll make me take it off and you know I love any excuse to take anti-nausea medication This is gonna be fantastic - Will - I know Come on, Jack We should go Yeah but let's stretch first We got a long walk down Yeah Ooh! Come on Dig in Obviously, I'm not gonna be able to finish this on my own Oh, who are you kidding? Ah, is it ridiculous to go on this cruise? Do I really want to mope around being the saddest one on the boat? Oh, sweetie You're not gonna be the saddest one there What? Oh, right Michelle Kwan