Will and Grace s04e17 Episode Script

Something Borrowed, Someone's Due

Will & Grace Why does this keep happening? We're constantly on top of each other We have no privacy You know the logical thing to do / I know We need to get separate apartments That is the logical thing - So, we'll get a bigger place? - Uh-huh - We'll take it! - Aaah! Ok! There's just one little thing It's three times what you wanted to pay What?! We sublet We find somebody else to take this place Then we charge a lot more money than we should We gouge 'em! Honey.
I mean, if you want to move back to New York we'll move back to New York I just don't know how we're gonna find an apartment here I think we can help Ok, Karen When you look back on your life what is the one thing that has gotten away from you? Who is that one person that could make your life complete again? Sunny's out of bed? Finally! Von Bulow, get your ass in here! (Ŭ ó¿ì½º º» ºô·Î : ¾Æ³»ÀÎ ½á´Ï º» ºô·Î¸¦ µ »ìÇÑ ÇøÀǸ¦ ¹Þ°í ÀÖÀ½) No, not Sunny V.
B.
, silly Your mother! Roll it Hiya, Kiki! I told you I never wanted to see you again! Guys, we're moving to a bigger place! Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Something Borrowed Someones Due) ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will? Will, are you here? Guess he's not here - I love your new place - Ah, so do we There's so much space and it's such a great neighborhood You know, I go to the same drug store as Robert DeNiro who seems to be having protected sex Come on I'll show you my wing Grace, were you calling me? Grace? Will? Hello? Will? Grace? Will? Will? Grace? Stop! - Hi? - Hi! - How are you doing? - Good On a date Phil Me, too Bill Isn't this great? This place is so huge we can have so-so dates with mediocre guys at the same time and not even be aware of each other - We're lucky ladies - Yeah Sosee ya Yeah See ya Will? Will? What? Bill just said 2002 was the last palindrome year of our lifetime and I laughed and he looked weird A palindrome is some kind of elephant, right? No It's a word or number that reads the same backwards as forwards Oh! Oh Bill's kind of dull - 'Night - Yeah Grace! - Grace! - What? Do you think Phil kind of smells like wet dog? I don't remember what Phil smells like Go get him I can't go get him It's, like, a mile I'm not hiking all the way up there just to smell Phil Fine Guess I'll just head back up - What's wrong? - Need a minute to catch my breath What in the hell are we doing in this rundown Irish hole-in-the-wall? What's the name of this place, anyway? Molly O'Poverty's? Back up, butt crack Kare, this is just my way of saying I'm sorry for springing your mother on you Oh, that's sweet, honey But why a filthy bar in Yonkers? Because if you take out filthy and Yonkers what are you left with? A bar See, now, that's why you're the president of "Nothing, Incorporated.
" - Whatcha looking for? - A wet nap I want to clean off the feted reeking after-touch of the common man A five? what the hell is this doing in there? Hang on I'll get us a waitress Ok, um, I got one What'll you have, Kare? Oh, I'll have a wine with a beer back and a vodka with a beer front You know what they say-- "Beer before wine makes you feel fine" " Wine before beer makes you feel queer.
" You! I thought that nursery rhyme sounded familiar! What's the big deal? I mean she seems nice, and she really wants to get to know-- / Nice? Honey My mother is a con artist, ok? I send her a check once a month to keep her out of my hair Yeah my entire childhood was spent traveling with her from town to town running scams on people Never settling down Just when I'd make a friend have 'em over for milk and cookies Bam! It was time to move on Karen, that's shocking You drank milk? The last town we lived in I fell in love with a boy He had long blond hair delicate features, soft skin At least I think it was a boy Well, anyway, I was in love And he or she loved me Until my mom scammed her, too Then he left me That was when I left home and never looked back Karen, this isn't something you can runaway from It's not like a hotel bill or a crying baby Forget it, Jack There are some things you just can't forgive Wait I can't let you do this Look, when I found my father it was too late to connect with him because he was dead And I don't want the same thing to happen to you So please just go in and have one drink with her, ok? No! I got back in there she'll pull me into one of schemes and I'll be right back where I started from I will absolutely not have one drink with her Three drinks? Well, she is my mother Will, I'm having a clothing crisis Will you come down here? No You come up here No You come down here No You come up here - No.
You come down here - No.
You come up here No You come down here No You come up here Please? No, and stop bothering me Hello? Grace, I'm not coming down there! Will, I miss our old apartment Me, too I wanna go home Me, too - Let's talk about this - Yeah, let's Will you come down here? You know, you can't go on hating me forever I'm your mother you got everything from me Your looks, your guts your ambition The only thing you didn't get from me is that voice That voice you got from your father Yeah No one could ever tell us apart on the phone But this isn't about Daddy Leave him out of it! This is about how you ruined everything for me as a kid Oh, come on, Keeks We had good times Remember the summer we went to Lake George? Yeah, I remember I had to stay wrapped up in a blanket from head to toe cause you told everybody at the country club I was allergic to the sun and if we didn't raise $10,000 for my operation I'd have to live under the stairs for the rest of my life And we fished You used me, Mom I was never anything more than a prop to you The poor little blind girl with the big rack Or the poor little welfare child with the big rack Or the poor little gardener's daughter With the big rake It hurt me, Mom I wanted a mother not a business partner Oh, Kiki I am so sorry Maybe I wasn't winning any mother of the year awards then, but, you know we're different people now but we're still family I still love you I see So you reappear after all this time say you're sorry and I'm supposed to forgive you, just like that? Oh, Mommy I missed you / Aw Maybe we can start over again but different this time You know, without the lies without the scams You betcha Just one more job do you have any catsup? Why, did you find another French fry in your pocket? No.
No.
No I just figure if I smear it all over my body and act like I've just been attacked and maybe that'll scare Rob and Ellen out of our apartment back to New Jersey Forget it, Shaggy We're just gonna stick with what we said in the cab that we made a big mistake and we need to take the place back It's only been a week Probably don't even like it anyway - Hi, you guys! - We love it here! Mm-hmm We were almost attacked right in front of the building! A hospital This is gonna be good I cannot believe I let you talk me into doing this trying to get some poor sap to sign his will over to you before he drops dead No decent woman does that after 35! He's not a poor sap, honey That sap shorted Enron at 56 Now come on What's going on? What's happening? Why aren't you moving? Where's that thing I asked you to sign? What? That paper that says I'll never ask you to pull another con after this? You know, it really hurts me that you gave me that Mm-hmm Well, it's gonna hurt a lot more if you don't sign it Fork it over, froggy! It's signed Good thing I became a notary for that Chicago job we pulled Ok, now, I have been working this guy for months And everything was going according to plan until he took a turn for the worse So, I gotta close this deal quick and I can't do it alone which is why I brought in my poor down-on-her-luck daughter who's also a little slow How slow? Well, you were a cheerleader but you never stopped clapping Oh, it makes me sick to think I'm gonna help you bilk a man out of his hard-earned money That reminds me I gotta call Stan Where's a phone? I'm gonna go in first Here.
Here, you change into this Oh, good Lord Look at this outfit! Is Grace in on this, too? Well, there we were, crossing what the New York Times called the third most dangerous street in the country - and--and-- - And there he was-- The Upper Westside Slasher! They said they caught him but I guess that swarthy one-eyed killing machine is back Damn him Damn him to hell! So why is it that I haven't of this killer guy? - Who was that? - What What What?! Probably nothing At least nothing that can get in What is this? This sounds like some kind of urban myth.
Right, Rob? I don't wanna die Damn it, Rob Pull yourself together! - Who was that?! - What?! What?! I heard it that time! Ok! Ok now, I don't know what you two are doing but I know you're doing something, ok? It's one of their weird little "Will-and-Grace things.
" It's like that time they tried to get us to eat "dim sum.
" Come on, Rob I gotta pee Why does he have to help her pee? I don't know Couples are weird Where'd you get gum? Oh, sorry Well, this isn't working We'll have to go back to Plan A You mean tell Ellen the baby's not hers? No We just explain that we're very sorry but we're taking the place back and nothing they do or say is gonna stop us - Ellen's water broke! - Baby's coming! So you wouldn't wanna talk right now? So we're not gonna get that apartment back, are we? I don't see how They're a family now Well, I guess we deserve this We were kind of awful In fact, there's only one person I can think of that's worse Hey, Grandpa how about closing up that gown?! I swear, I was not gonna say that Hey How's it goin'? Oh, honey What's this all about? Remember how everyone was so gung-ho about getting me back with my mom? Well, this is what happens I'm poor, and I'm slow Karen, I am so sorry that I don't have a camera right now - What are you doing?? - Will? Grace? Karen? Lois and I are pulling one last scam I just can't say no to my mother Will, Grace.
Kare Oh, there you are I was looking all over for you Oh, my God I have that same shirt! Except, um mine has a big rooster on it and it says, "I love me big, red--" Jack! Oh, I can't believe I'm doing this again I mean, it was ok when I was a kid but at a certain point, you just want a mom who loves you for you not for what you can do for her Well, if it's any consolation we all love you because you're you Yeah, Karen Sure sometimes I give you a hard time put you down, make fun of your drinking That's it I didn't mean to put you through this I didn't mean to hurt you I'm your friend and I'm always here, no matter what Now we're gonna see a 22-year-old sailor in spectacular physical condition having a tattoo removed from his buttock Go Yeah, it's pretty good but not quite cheap enough Grace, let me borrow that scarf This is not a cheap scarf Tell her, Will Will gave me this scarf for my birthday Give her the scarf, Grace Kiki Thanks It was in an Hermes box Yeah, I'm gonna need that box back before next Christmas Ok, I'm ready I figure slow-wise I'm somewhere between Sean Penn in I am Sam and Sean Penn at home with his family You know what? I can't do this I can't take advantage of you I-- You're my daughter and I love you I see So the old guy croaked before you could get into his will? Oh, Karen, I'm shocked! I'm trying to apologize to you Ah, restraining order from the daughter I don't know how she got up here that fast Start walking So, uh, I guess this is it for awhile, huh? Yeah, I guess so Just so you know, I'm never gonna ask you to do this again - Blah blah blah - No, no no I mean it I mean it this time There are a lot of things I would like to do over-- I would send you to the proper schools, I would stay put I would never have broken up you and what's his name I mean, she was nice Yeahshe was I miss him Hey, guys, I'm a daddy Yay! Oh, my God, that's great! Oh, it's a beautiful baby boy You should see the length of his boyhood Can't wait No.
I mean I almost cut the wrong thing You know, Rob about that whole westside killer thing-- - We were just having a little fun - Yeah, yeah It's really a great neighborhood I mean, there really is a crazy man on the loose who cuts women's hair but that's not really gonna affect you any Yeah, look before you guys go on I don't know how else to put this, but, um Ellen misses New Jersey She wants to move back And I know we signed a lease and I know you've settled into your new place and you're all happy there, but, um do you think you could find it in your hearts to move back? We can do that! Oh, guys, thank you so much Really.
You're the best friends We are Good friends 'Cause we love you Oh, by the way, Will you're gonna pay for my boy's education What are you talking about?! Will, you gouged me on the rent Idid not Will, I'm your accountant You think I might figure that out? Uh Uh Grace? Will, I am shocked!