Will and Grace s06e16 Episode Script

Previously on Will & Grace Lyle Finster and I are back together! Really? Didn't you guys break up? 'Cause the last time we saw the two of you, you were taking advantage of him to get back at his daughter, Lorraine.
Meanwhile, you developed real feelings for him in the process, but he no longer cared.
He's back, he's moved in, and we're shagging like two lieutenants after lights out.
Oh, darling, promise me it will always be this way.
I wouldn't count on it.
I was kicked out of my place, so I'm moving in here.
Hello, mother! Oh, well, Grace and I are looking to buy a property to flip.
we'll buy for a fair price.
We'll invest our time and our creativity, and we'll flip for an honest profit.
That's right.
We're the flippers who care.
So, are you thinking about selling your old place? What's it to you, chimp? I have the perfect buyers! This is Will and Grace.
They're my best friends.
Her husband abandoned her.
His never existed.
The place looks amazing.
And we are gonna make a fortune! You know what? I want my home back! come on, give her the place back! No! I'm sorry, but she sold it to us.
I want us to live together.
I want to buy this place and make it our home.
For reals?! What about Zandra.
You said that she hated the Actors' Retirement Village.
Oh, screw her.
She got in with the Gabor clique, she's fine.
I'm a bride! Will & Grace 6x16 "Flip-Flop part 2" Would you look at that great big, beautiful city.
You know, they say there's a crime committed here every six seconds.
Should we wait? Okay.
Oh, my God.
There it is.
Wow, three seconds.
Way ahead.
Helloooo! Oh, hey, Will! I love when you add "O"s onto your hellos.
It's, like, my favorite thing you do.
Yeah, its true.
We talk about it all the time.
Really? Oh, that's good.
I-I-I was toying with getting rid of it, but now I know it has a following.
I just came by to drop off this paperwork.
You are now Oh, isn't that great? Do you remember when gay people weren't allowed to be in escrow? And, to celebrate, little pre-housewarming gift, the Whirlybird popcorn maker.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
I didn't, I had two of them.
I just thought it'd be a good gift for all those nights you guys'll be hanging out here at home, renting movies, eating popcorn.
Oooh, I know.
I can hardly wait.
Soon as I've washed my hands 17 times, I'm gonna take it out of the box.
I envy you two.
Not having to go to the clubs.
Not having that moment at the end of the night where you look around during last call, and everybody's paired up except for you and one trollish-looking guy.
You figure, what the heck, and you go over to him, and he says no.
That--that happened to a friend of mine.
Yeah.
Happened to a friend of mine too Well, anyway, I gotta get going.
Why-why don't you, uh, sit with us for a bit? Hang out.
It'll be fun.
Oh, okay.
Well, that was fun.
See ya! Hey, thanks a lot.
What? Why are you smiling? Did he fart? I was just thinking about what Will said.
You know, he's right.
Well, of course he's right.
What self-respecting troll would go home with Will at the end of the night? No, no, not about that.
About us.
About how lucky we are.
I mean, we are set.
There's nothing left for us to do except sit back and grow old together.
I don't know about you, but this girl ain't growin' old.
No, that's why I take care of myself.
I eat right, I exercise, and I take a multivitamin to avoid iron-poor blood like Evonne Goolagong.
You don't have to worry about that anymore.
You got the guy, give up the gym.
Yeah, but I've been doing cardio ever since I was nine.
now you don't have to anymore.
You can finally stop running.
Darling, are we being robbed? Can you see who it is? No, it's too dark.
You stay there, Karen.
I'm pretty good with this thing.
You don't have to tell me about that.
Oh, shoot.
I thought it was someone trying to kill us.
What are you doing? You scared me half to death.
Well, what are you doing? I mean, it's the middle of the night.
I know that.
I'm drunk, not stupid.
Now, keep it down.
I've had a very rough night.
I had to walk 140 blocks back from the Yankee Stadium after I lost your limo.
You lost my limo? Oh, relax.
I didn't misplace it.
I lost it in a bet.
I mean, who knew Hideki Matsui could hit a baseball further than me? Finny, are you hearing this? It's one thing that she doesn't clean her room, but now she's lost our limo to the Asian Willie Mays.
Lorraine, this time you have gone too far.
Daddy gonna crack the whip.
It's all right.
I'll handle this, thank you.
Now, look, you are disrespectful.
And you are irresponsible.
And you need to learn that your actions have consequences.
Okay? So-- You are going to pay for Karen's limo out of your own money.
Or try winning it back using this house as collateral.
Like hell I will.
You'll do as I say, and you'll like it, young lady! I rather like this, Karen.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's too late for you to be a father.
You don't care about me, and you never did.
I'm gonna go and get a place of my own.
You're never gonna see me again! I thought you were cool! Boy, you really showed her.
Felt good, huh? Oh, I--I've made a horrible mistake.
What? Well, I was finally building a relationship with her, doing all the things that I never got the chance to do before.
Like the other day when she fell down and skinned her knee, I was there to kiss her boo-boo.
Of course, I may now have hepatitis, but it--it brought us closer.
Now she's gone, and I've ruined my liver for nothing.
Are you implying that it's my fault that she left? Of course it's your fault! You can't stand me getting closer to her.
You're always driving a wedge between her and me.
And that's been your plan all along! No, Darling.
I've been like a mother to that girl.
I've locked her in her room, I've told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store.
Well, let me tell you something.
Last time I chose you.
This time, I'm choosing my daughter.
But Finny, no Good-bye, Karen.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, thank God you're home.
You will not believe what just happened.
You washed a dish? I got a call on Zandra's place.
Someone offered the most insane amount of money.
How insane? If the money were a person, it'd be Courtney Love.
Did--did you tell them that the place was already sold? No, I said that I would talk to you about it.
Grace, we can't.
We're in escrow.
Oh, escrow.
What is escrow? You know what it is.
They've already put up the money.
I thought it was something else.
What's "force majeure"? Grace, the place is sold, okay? Stuart bought it.
Besides, we're the flippers who care, remember? That's our motto.
Read your coffee cup.
Why do you think I had these made? You know, if we start screwing our friends over, we can never drink from these mugs again.
You're right.
You're right, I--I think I just got caught up in all that money.
Just out of curiosity, how insane was that offer? Oh, my God! That's Courtney Love and Margot Kidder! On a hike with Anne Heche! No, no, no, it's-- Yes, it's a lot of money, but we-- You cannot put a price on integrity, right? I don't think Stuart and I should live together.
I never thought you should! And you know, it's not too late to get out of escrow.
Do you want to know why? Not really.
I mean, I-I'm sure you've thought about it.
You're a smart guy.
Listen, is Stuart still in the apartment? 'Cause we could undo this thing right now.
Will? I think we should hear him out.
No.
Grace, he's made up his mind.
He doesn't want to take the apartment.
We're not gonna-- not gonna force majeure 'im.
Hey, I don't know what happened.
I was there with Stuart in that apartment, and he was talking.
And all of a sudden, we were old.
There were cats, and housecoats, and CBS.
And keeping tissues up our sleeves.
I don't think I'm ready to be an old married lady.
Does somebody have a shawl? It's really chilly in here.
Jack, everyone gets nervous when they move in with someone.
It's totally normal.
Like me.
When I moved in with Leo, I was really nervous.
And you know what? Never shoulda done it.
You're right.
We're moving too quickly.
I'm gonna go talk to Stuart.
I hope this doesn't affect our friendship if we back out of the deal.
Oh, how would you even ask? Oh, no.
Okay, thanks, you guys, bye.
Whoo hoo! Let's get him on the phone.
Money-money-money-money Money! I guess on the beach towels, we should change it to "Flippers Who Don't Give A Crap.
" Oh, Rosie, I miss Lyle so much.
Or do you just miss the idea of Lyle? No, I miss Lyle.
But hey, good insight, lady.
Well, in El Salvador, I was three credits short a Masters in Psychology.
Well, I'm glad you came here to mop up my sick off the floor instead.
Hey, Karen, get in.
Why should I? I got your limo.
I won it back from Hideki Matsui in a secret underground Iron Chef contest.
Come on, get in.
all right But only because I've been walking for blocks, and my feet are killing me.
Oy, me too.
Not you, Rosie.
So, what are you doing here, Lorraine? You've taken your father away from me, and now you've come to rub it in my face? I haven't come to run anything in anyone's face.
I already tipped the driver.
No, I just came to apologize.
I was awful.
Hey, hey.
Wait a minute.
When we are in my limo, we listen to Soft Hits 106.
Continue.
Well I guess I was just scared.
You know, I just found my dad.
And--and it felt like you were taking him away from me.
well, you won.
He's all yours.
What do you mean? All he talks about is you.
He does? Well, where do you think I'm taking you, you gin-soaked old crone? Lorraine, why are you being so nice to me? Oh, because I hate this.
You're sad, he's sad.
Nobody's any bloody fun anymore.
Well, to tell the truth, it hasn't been as much fun around the manse either, without you there.
if only I could put into words how I feel.
I love this song.
A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home When there's no one there to hold you tight, and no one there you can kiss good night.
I'm glad we didn't invite Rosie.
I knew as soon as you said that to Jack, you were doing the wrong thing.
I was just helpless to stop you.
You jumped onboard.
You made the final sale.
You hypnotized me with your Svengali-like powers.
And yet I can't get you to stop biting your toenails.
How else do you get them shorter? Hellloooo.
I'm glad you guys are both here.
Yeah, we have something that we need to tell you.
We did an awful thing.
We really did.
The reason we said you shouldn't live together is that we got another offer on this place for a lot more money.
And it was just really wrong of us.
The truth is, you guys are a great couple.
And nothing would make us happier than to see you two set up house together.
It really would.
Why did you point on that one? It seems the shoe is on the other foot now, doesn't it? I don't know what you mean exactly.
I think I might have put my Uggs on backwards.
The difference between the toes is really subtle.
I think what Jack's saying is that we were starting to feel little uncomfortable about moving in together so quickly.
It seemed kind of lesbian of us to fall in love and shack up right away.
Yeah, so, if you don't mind, I don't think we're gonna take the place.
I guess--I guess you can take that other offer now.
that's the furthest thing from our mind right now.
Our biggest concern is your happiness.
So, see ya.
Hurry up, call them.
Hurry up, hurry up.
Are you kindding? I was dialing in my pocket as he was talking.
Hi, hi, it's Will Truman.
Right, listen, I've got some great news for you, uh, if you're still looking for an apartment.
Money, money, money, money Oh, you did? No, that--that--no, that's okay.
I--I understand.
Money? They bought another place.
You know what? Maybe we deserve this.
Maybe this happened because we are supposed to learn a lesson.
Maybe the flippers who care are supposed to care a little more.
What are we gonna do with this apartment? Anyway, Zandra, we're-- we're really sorry we tried to kick you out of your home.
And all we're asking for is-- is what we put into the place.
That's very fair of you, Homo.
I'm so glad to be out of the Actors' Retirement Village.
Finally I can take a tub without Charlotte Rae staring at me.
those-- Those are some Facts of Life I could've done without knowing.
The--what? The--the place fell through? Well, no, no, of course it's still available.
Zandra, your bag's still in the hallway, right? Now, look, as we're playing for money, I should warn you, I'm extremely good at this.
Anyone else you'd like me to hit? Another drink please, barman.
Hello, sailor.
Look, I've only got a hundred dollars-- Karen? Hi, Dad.
What are you doing here? I want us to be together.
And I know you want it too.
But I--I don't see how it's possible.
I mean, I can't have the two women that I love most in the world going at it like Italians.
Well, don't say it like that.
It makes us sound so garlicky.
But we've been doing some thinking.
And we've realized that the reason we fight so much isn't because we're different.
It's because we're the same.
That's right.
We're both money-grubbing, sex-starved women who are ofttimes mistaken for transvestites.
And if that's not reason enough to build a relationship, I don't know what is.
Look, I can't guarantee that we won't fight.
But we're two women who love you, and want you to be happy.
Is that such a bad thing? No, I suppose not.
Three women would be better, but two's a start.
I'm gonna leave you two alone.
I'm gonna head back to my seedy little hotel room, which ironically was quite nice before I moved in.
No, Lorraine, wait.
Come back to the manse.
Stay as long as you want.
Really? Thanks.
How 'bout you, stretch? You coming too? Oh, well, it doesn't seem proper, the three of us living together without benefit of marriage.
Did I just hear a proposal? No, but now you've made it awkward.
Good heavens, I wanted to marry you the first time I set eyes on you.
Karen, before God, before these toothless whores and aging alcoholics, before my daughter, I proclaim my love.
Will you marry me? Of course I will, Lyle.
That is how you pronounce it, right? Yeah, Lyle, yeah.
Oh, this is so exciting! Finally, the old man's getting married.
And congratulations to you too, Dad.