Will and Grace s07e02 Episode Script

Back Up Dancer

Hello? - What? - Why are you wearing that? So that even people in your dreams know you're gay? Hey.
All day long my calves are suffocated by pants Nighttime is-- is their time - What are you doing? - I can't sleep Look what I found It's called a book, Grace We keep them in the den to seem smart No.
The flower Leo bought this for me on our second date I felt so bad I didn't get him anything, I put out God, you'll do anything to save a buck I can't believe my marriage is over What's gonna happen to us, Will? We're just gonna end up two old spinsters rotting away in this apartment, bickering over who peed on the sofa Look, first of all-- We both know who peed on the sofa Okay? And second, I have a boyfriend You and Vince are so lucky.
You will never know the pain of divorce Well, that's 'cause we're legally barred from the joy of marriage It's 3:00 AM! What the ham samwich is going on? What are you-- What am I--?! What are you--?! Take that off! You take it off! I wore it to bed before you This is humiliating You coulda had the decency to at least call me I did! I left a message! I said, "Jack I'm wearing a nightshirt.
" - You check in about your sleepwear? - Yeah And why we bother is a mystery to me Look, just keep it down, okay? Tomorrow is my first rehearsal as backup dancer with one Miss Janet Jackson I need to be in control (Control; ÀÚ³Ý Àè½¼ÀÇ ¾Ù¹üÀ̸§ Áß Çϳª) You know how huge that is? There isn't one person in this room who hasn't had anonymous sex to her music He's right Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇôÁÖ¼¼¿ä Hey, thanks for walking me to rehearsal So, why don't you stick around, Karen? I'll introduce you to Janet Jackson Oh, that would be fantastic You know, Rosario wants to get her autograph She's a huge Janet Jackson fan Or was that Jesse Jackson? Which one ran for president? I do not know You know what? I've gotta find the ladies' room It's true what they say: You don't buy tequila.
You rent it Hello You must be the newbie If that means do I shave down there, yes - Hi, I'm Jack McFarland - Artemus Johnson Hi And if you don't mind my saying, uh you seem a little old for a dancer Miss Jackson doesn't like her dancers old - How old are you? - 22 - I'm 21 - I'm 20.
I was born in 196-- 7-- 84 Okay, dancers.
Janet's coming And please, don't make a big fuss It's not her style Hey, great entrance Thank you It costs a little extra but I make up for it by having all of you guys pay for your own costumes Hi, Miss Jackson I'm Jack McFarland I am dancer number 6 Oh, you're the newbie Oh, God, I gotta start closing the door in my dressing room Uh, can you start the music British guy? Okay, follow me! - And five, six, seven-- - W-w-wait.
Can you say that again? - Five, six, seven, eight? - No, just the first part.
- Five? - Five.
That's it You know, I feel this connection between Jackson and five I don't know what it is But, it--it's powerful, you know It's--Five is a very mystical number Uh, this is true, Miss Jackson It is the number of fingers on one hand and the number of people in a monage a trois I think I want five dancers instead of six Which means one of you has to go Fire the new guy Who said that? Shut up, Kent Break it up, fellas Fire the guy who's been here the longest Shut up, Jack! You shut up, Jack! Come on, guys.
Take it outside I think I know what we have to do We have to have a dance-off Dance-off? Dance-off! Between the new guy, and the guy who's been here the longest The guy who's been here the longest! Don't you think, that it's a little unfair to judge us solely on our dancing ability? Dancing ability dancing ability, dan-- Oh, we're not doing that? Okay, sorry Whoa What happened? I'm like a mile away tellin' some lady next to me I'm gonna make a lasagna tonight She was wearing the same outfit Come on, Truman I wanna make that 3:00 movie I'm sorry, I up all night with Grace and-- - Hello, Grace - Will, I need to talk Why? What happened? Are you okay? I was cleaning out my closet and I found one of Leo's old shirts Oh, no.
Not the super-soft NYU med school one that could double as a shorty nighty? Yeah That's the-- What? The point is, you're upset and you've gotta get rid of that thing So wrap it in tissue and put it in my cedar chest I'll be right home I'm sorry, I gotta go I can't go to the movie - Grace is just having a really-- - It's okay.
It's okay She's going through a rough time I like that you're a good friend - See you tomorrow at lunch - Yeah-- Wha-- Lunch? With my lieutenant I told you, like, 10 times Oh, can't we get out of that? You said the guy's a racist homophobe And an anti-Semite It just doesn't come up much 'cause there are no Jewish cops or perps This is my boss, Will It's important Well, if it's important to you it's important to me What, Grace? I am not wearing your sweatsuit Yours is lavender God, Karen, I'm so nervous I haven't hada dance-off since highschool Well, it wasn't so much a dance-off as I was beaten up by the football team But I still danced my heart out Honey It's memories like that those football player will treasure forever Oh, God.
My knee I can hardly walk Luckily, I don't have to walk I just have to dance You're goin' down, newbie! Actually, I'm lettin' it grow out Why, Artemus Johnson Hello, Karen Well, well, well - It's been a long time - 12 years to be exact Seattle, 1992 We met at the Space Needle (½ºÆäÀ̽º ´Ïµé; ½Ã¾ÖƲÀÇ ¸í¹°, ³²»êŸ¿ö ºñ½Á) Unquestionably our country's greatest needle It started to rain And we started to make love The rest passed like a dream Taking the monorail to Seahawks and Sonics games watching them throw fish at Pike Place Market Sipping lattes at the original Starbucks Yes, it was quite a day, wasn't it? Wait.
My dance-off opponent was your former lover? What a twist! I did not see that coming - This show is so sad - What are you watching? My wedding video Look, there's Leo and meholding hands Look how happy and beautiful I was Now all I have is my beauty My saaaad beauty - Why are you watching this? - Well, how could I not? It's on all the time! Come on, come on Watch with me Let's see if we can spot the moment where Leo checked out of the marriage Yeah, it sounds like fun I'm running late Got lunch with my gay cop boyfriend's homophobic lieutenant I know I've used that like, 100 times but this time I really mean it You know, this is really bad timing You getting involved with someone while I'm going through all this You're right This is worse than when I arranged to have my grandmother die the day you wanted to seethe Lizzie Maguire movie Can you at least stayfive more minutes? What do you need me for? You're just sitting around, picking at a scab I cut myself shaving three weeks ago and it still hasn't healed! Not that scab! The emotional sc-- Oh, never mind! I gotta go Fine, don't let me keep you - Wow, your hair looked good that day - You know the secret? I got it cut exactly two weeks before the wedding.
And it-- No, n-n-no Nice try! You guys, did I leave my Lady Schick-- What the--! That's right, Jackie We're back together Like a Sicilian woman's eyebrows we cannot be kept apart How could you do this, Karen? How could you with Artemus my archnemesis? It's worse than that time you sleptwith Fievel My arch-rival Okay, calm downListen to me This is not going to affect you, or the dance-off Shh, okay? Now.
I need you to let Artemus win the dance-off.
Okay? What? Are you asking to throw the dance? That's like asking Einstein to throw the-- Wait, who's Einstein, again? I agree with Jack I prefer to let the best man win Let me win, please! Come on, let me win - I'm old - I'm old, too - I'm 33 - I'm 35 - I'm 40 - I'm 20 I'm 19 Game on! Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta go call my daughter who just graduated from law school today Jackie, please? Let him win Without this job, he's got nothing Besides, I love him! You don't love him! He's just a rebound guy I resent that! I am vulnerable And this is the first man that I have been with since my marriage failed who has allowed me to come back-- rebound, if you will-- from all that pain So how dare you imply some sort of "rebound guy.
" Fine! But I still won't throw the dance I wouldn't do it for 30 football players pushing my face into the gym floor and I won't do it for you! Yeah, they got me doin' this sensitivity training I wasn't sure about it at first but, uh, it's been eye-opening - Pay attention - I am Like, did you know you're not supposed to say the word "Oriental" anymore? It's considered disparaging Unless you're talking about a rug Made by an Oriental Ha ha ha ha! - Enough with the phone already - I'm sorry.
Grace and I had a fi-- Never mind You know what else is not popular all of a sudden? "Wop" Yeah, it's a shame so many racial epithets have fallen out since the civil rights movement Excuse me Aw, me and my big mouth - Please tell me he's not a Guinea - No, sir.
He's not But for what it's worth, I am - Hey - Hey - I'm sorry - Me too You know what?You may be right I think I'm making things worse Oh, sweetie I hear rustling Is-- Are you wearing your wedding dress? No, just the veil For God's sake, Grace! Take that off and put it back in my closet! Look, I gotta go Just, just-- Remember that jerk cheated on you and you are better off alone What are you doing? I'm stuck in there, listening to him talk about how he's learning to love his mulatto bastard grandchild I'm sorry I had to talk to Grace Right.
'Cause we're having lunch from 1:00 to 2:00 which only leaves you 23 hours to catch up on her problems What about me, Will? You know, this is a relation-ship When one of the crew goes overboard the ship sinks No, it doesn't That's a terrible metaphor You're a terrible metaphor - That's a comeback? - You're a comeback! Come on I won't call her anymore We talked, I told her she's better off alone "Better off alone"? See that in a lot of suicide notes Oh, my God! I'm sorry I just-- How can I put in words you'll understand There's a Hebe in trouble Welcome to Dance-Off 2004 Sponsored by Pennzoil (ÆæÁ ÀÏ: ¿£Á¨ ¿ÀÀÏ »ç) Now We're gonna do our standard routine I'll step out You two freestyle Now, during that time you're not allowed to do this Okay? Or this Or this But you can do this And you have to give meat least two of these Okay Places, people And Five, six, seven, eight All right, now everybody join in Please, Jackie do it for me! Karen, what are you doing here? Come on, Jackie! I love him - Ooh, here comes the change up! - Get off the dance floor! Freestyle Jack, you go first Oh, Jackie.
Jackie, please.
Please! I love my rebound guy All right, I throw the dance! Stop! If anybody finds a pin, I think it came out of my knee Jack, you're a very courageous man to stop a dance-off sponsored by Pennzoil Well, Janet, I love dancing high-quality motor oil, and you But A good friend asked me something and I-- I may not understand why and She's done a lot for me without asking questions So, I-I really wanna do this for her Well, it's nice that you'd throw the dance for her but you still wouldn't do it for me!? Karen! This is for you Oh, Jackie Thank you You're a good friend Artemus, yay! You can keep your job Let's go celebrate! No can do Sorry, we're through I was only using you to get what I wanted Now that I got that what do I need you for? Wait a minute.
That--that gives me an idea Can you say that again? - What do I need you for? - No, just the last part For Four.
That's a much more mystical number You're right, Miss Jackson It is It's the number of people in a monage a trois if one of them gets tired I only need four dancers Artemus, Jack, I'm sorry But you're both out Five! What was I thinking? Hey, Vince It's me again I-I just wanted to say I'm sorry about lunch.
Again I-- I liked your Lieutenant It was-- It was nice of him to say that I-I wasn't as big a sissy as as he thought I'd be Anyway, call me You want a reminder of how good you have it?? Come look at pictures of my wedding to a future adulterer Why don't you just cut his head out of the pictures like everybody else does and move on? Ugh.
Now there's a visitor? Vince, what's going on? I was chasing a suspect past your building so I thought I'd come up I got some anger I need to express I was afraid if I took it out on the suspect they'd suspend me again So, you're gonna beat me? I'm not mad at you, Will I'm mad at Grace Yeah, beat her! You're too needy And it's affecting my relationship with Will So stop being so selfish! Whoa! I have sat up with this guy listening to him complaining for years "No one loves me I can't get a date.
" And now I need him for a few weeks And you've got a problem? You're the one who's selfish! I'm mad at you.
How 'bout that? - I reject your anger - I reject yours - Will, tell her she's nuts - Will, tell her she's bluh-uh Hey, that's really, really mature Stupid head Hey! Stop it, you two! - You know, just pick somebody, Will - Yeah, pick someone - Me or stupid head - Stupid head's mine, stupid head - Pick me - That's crazy! - Pick me - I am not picking sides here - Pick someone, Will! - Okay, okay! I-- I pick my boyfriend I really pick you It's like a stage whisper I can hear you Look, Vince, listen, I Grace and I have been together a long time So this tends to happen, you know When you date Will, you You kinda date Will and Grace It's true That's a bunch of crap I'm not dating Grace I'm dating you But I want all of you and I won't settle for less So when you know what you want you call me Wow.
That's, like, the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to us I know.
I don't want us to lose him Vince, wait! I know what I want I want you to stay I want to work on this I'll leave you guys alone It's time that I put this away, anyway - So, uh-- - Is that a wedding album? 'Cause I love those Mmmm.
That's a nice dress Vera Wang Do I look like I became gay yesterday? Um, what-- What are you doing? I thought we were gonna figure this out Yeah, later, Rude We're looking at a wedding album Well, we haven't resolved anything I mean, what if I can never pick a side? Yeah, that's one of your hot-button issues You should work on that Yeah, work on that, Will This is Leo? Yeah He looks shifty Give me his license I'll have his car booted Thank you, Vince I'm sorry about your job, Jackie - That was your dream - Yeah.
Well, you know At least I got to dance with two of the three greatest superstar dancers of our time Who's the third? Oh, Jackie Mmm Oh, to answer your question? Madonna ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇôÁÖ¼¼¿ä