Will and Grace s07e12 Episode Script

Christmas Break

You know what? I kind of like eating dinner without Grace There's enough for seconds nobody stabs my hand with a fork when reaching for a lamb chop She went to the theatre with my mother.
I'd have gone, but.
.
this is my firm's busiest time of the year.
I am swamped Organizing the Christmas potluck? It is such hard work! You wouldn't believe the number of hours I put in Luckily, I-I bill them all to a rich, drunk client who'll never know the difference You're a smart man, Will That's why you're my lawyer Well, I am just going to come out and say it.
Billy Crystal is an American treasure.
Mm-hmm.
I could only make it through - Hi - Hi Mom, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it.
Office emergency Oh, I know, I know.
The potluck Oh, I'd better run if I'm going to make my train.
Grace I had so much fun with you! I felt like I was out with my new best friend I had a great time too.
We're gonna have do this again sometime.
Well, I am giving a ladies tea tomorrow afternoon at my house Catch the 1:36 train and I will pick you up on my way home from the market, mm? Wow.
That'sspecific and soon Um Sure, why not? I'll see you tomorrow - 3:06 - Okay Get home safe, Will's mom Ooh, that face.
I'm kvelling I learned that from Billy Crystal He taught us so many things.
Tuchas plotzing Well, so long, my little faygeleh Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª And that was Glenn.
Number eleven After him, I went home, took a nap, went to the gym Which is where I met Martin Number twelve The end Jackie, I love the story of the Miss Karen? We have a little visitor Oh, for God's sake.
I'm not your mother You know where the tampons are It's your stepdaughter, Olivia You Ghost of Christmas Passed-out Aww, Rosie.
I love it when your slams turn seasonal It means that Christmas is just around the corner, hmm What the hell is Olivia doin' here anyway? Well, her ugly mother and fat brother are in the hospital They're sucking out part of his stomach and putting it into her flat fanny Ah, the circle of life Anyway, Olivia needs a place to stay for Christmas Hmm, yeah.
Well, you can tell her to forget it.
I'm not runnin' a freakin' YMC.
.
Hey! Look at you! Ha ha ha! Hi, Karen.
Hi, Jack I hope it's okay that I'm staying.
It won't be that long.
I would've stayed with my stepfather, but.
.
he's gonna be busy operating on my mom and brother Honey, you can stay for as long as you want Aww, curly Seems like just yesterday I was holdin' ya in my arms and then frantically passing you off to a nanny Great to see ya.
Rosie, take her Why am I so nice? Now I'm stuck with her! Well, there go my Christmas plans of sittin' in a dark room and drinking And there go my Christmas plans of turning you so you don't choke on your own vomit She's ruining both of our holidays, Jackie Unless Unless what? Unless She just ruined yours.
Why don't you take care of her? No, Karen.
She's a teenage girl.
They're very cruel Yeah.
The last time I saw Olivia, I was wearing Uggs Which apparently had gone out of style exactly five minutes before I walked in She gave me such a dressing down, I ended up sobbing and curled up in the fecal position Honey, don't you mean Oh Well come on, Jackie.
Help me out here No, Karen.
This is your respons.
.
- I'll pay you $1,000 a minute - And I have a daughter Uh, hey, Will.
I was thinking, um I don't know what your theme is for this year's potluck but, um, I was thinking maybe we could make a dessert together Gee, Connie, that's tempting.
.
Like maybe, uh, we could frost an upside-down Connie I mean an upside-down cake Y-you know what might help this awkward moment, Connie? Uh, if you left Will, I need to talk to you Oh, her.
I do not get it Umhey I just got back from tea at your mother's, and something terrible happened Oh no, did another one of her friends admit to sleeping with my father? Um, this happened when I went to set my drink on the mantel Mantel? Not the mantel where my mother keeps her Lladro collection Maybe Grace Look me in the eye and tell me that nothing happened to any one of those figurines Okay.
Particularly not the Bashful Geisha - Why, was she special? - "Was"?! Was! Oh, you animal! You clumsy animal! Do you have any idea how important Wi-San was to my mother?! Well, if she was so important, why was she in front of the cashews! She loved that figurine When my brother Sam started a fire making french fries, Wi-San was the only thing my mother ran back in the house to save The rest of us had to be alerted by a neighbor! Hey, Will.
Do you have time to go over the Morris case? Marc, you went to Harvard.
Do I have to remind you it's potluck week? Now, please, go make a 195 miniature flans Okay, that's why I'm the second gayest lawyer here Okay, all right.
I-I need to think here.
Think, Grace, think Interesting that you have to remind yourself to do that Okay, I got it! I'm gonna get her a new one.
Good thinking, Grace! You can't get her a new one.
They-- they stopped making them when Japanese- Americans began picketing the factory Oh, my God I have to tell her Wait, w-w-w-wait, whoa She doesn't know? No, I was alone in the living room pouring cashews into my purse After it broke, I kicked it under the sofa This is good.
If she doesn't know, we don't tell her.
That would be the worst thing in the world.
Listen to me Don't say a word.
Pretend it never happened I can't do that.
I feel terrible You know what your problem is? Jewish guilt It gets you every time You know how many Jewish serial killers there are? Not many because they kill once, then they feel too guilty to kill again Or they get caught 'cause they were distracted by a nosh - Ooh! - Grace! Oh, Miss Karen, can I stop for a minute? My back is hurting Keep goin'.
I didn't hear anything snap This year I'm making your figgy pudding with rat poison and Ajax But no raisins! That was so much fun, Olivia Finally I can try on a skirt and get somebody's honest opinion You're the only one of my friends who doesn't look slutty in a micro-mini I know, right! - Hey, know what we should do? - Definitely - Meet you there - Okay Oh, Jackie I cannot believe that they drummed you out of the acting profession for being an unconvincing no-talent That was your best performance yet No, Karen, I had fun Really? 'Cause I pay my babysitters just like I pay my whores you gets your money whether you like it or not No, Karen, I really like Olivia That little girl you had no interest in raising is turning out to be an amazing woman you'll never know Huh.
Well I've got a couple hours free this afternoon I'll take her off your hands.
Yeah we'll go out and do whatever it is that kids are doin' these days Karen, you know you don't wanna do that - Well, actually, Honey, I.
.
- Besides, it's Christmas You should just sit here and enjoy your drink alone like you wanted, yeah Oh, I almost forgot.
Sorry Oh, hi, Mom Okay, sure Grace, my-- my mom's on her way up Why is she here? She knows.
How does she know? I'm outta here.
Forward my mail Grace, Grace.
Grace What are you worried about? You didn't do anything Right? Right So anything she has to say about the fate of her figurine is new information, and should be met with shock.
Let's try it Um-- Grace, my Lladro is broken Dear God, no! Yeah, you're.
.
you're mildly surprised, not being asked to give money to charity Hi, Mom Hi, Marilyn.
Tea was so great yesterday.
How are you? - Not very good - What's wrong? I have some very sad news, Will.
Fiona was cleaning after the party yesterday.
.
and she found Wi-San in pieces on the floor Wi-San is dead, Will She's dead! Wi-San? Well, she sounds like somebody who's ready to go anyway She was a very rare Lladro figurine And somebody broke her Oh, I bet it was that Skippy Faber, the clumsy drunk Grace, you were talking to her Was she slurring? Uh, a little But I really couldn't tell 'cause she was stumbling around and waving her arms I knew it! I am going to wait until April and pour bleach on her roses Well, hey, that's something to look forward to I'm just going to splash some cold water on my face, and then I'll be going This is perfect! This is what happens when you keep your mouth shut.
Skippy Faber takes the fall! So, that's it? I just let Skippy hang for my crime? Ah, she's German We'll just call it even Do you know what? It could-- it could not have been Skippy Because I remember refilling the cashews right after she left, and Wi-San was fine Bashful, but fine Well, whatever.
The important thing is it's over and it doesn't matter.
Oh, yes it does, Someone came into my house, destroyed something beautiful, and didn't even have the decency to admit it Ooh.
I am not going to rest until I find them and pour bleach on something they love Now I'm sorry I bought these jeans I think they make me look like I'm not starving myself They do too.
I mean, any one of us would kill to have your body - Kill.
- I am so serious Thanks, Olivia, thanks, Maisie, thanks, Ruby.
Boy, how cool are we, huh? All the girls wanna be us, and all the boys wanna date us Ha bee da, Bee buh da~ Whoo! I love Usher.
Ha ha! Karen, what are you doing here? Oh, I come here all the time What? You don't shop at malls Sure I do.
I get all my jewelry at Zales Of course, I buy all my clothes at the Limited And of course I always get my educational puzzles at Imaginarium Karen, here.
Um, why don't you join us? - Y-you don't have to - No, sure I wanna get chilly.
Yeah, yeah Let's roll, paddy whack Yeah.
Yo, crackers, I'd love to! So, what are we doin'? What all teenage girls do Which is remarkably similar to what gay men do Talk about boys, obsess about our bodies, and make fun of people Smack the bitch up! Karen! Hey, I'm gettin' kind of thirsty.
I'm gonna get us all some beers Oh, what am I talkin' about? Some light beers What are you doing? I was hangin' out with my stepdaughter You're embarrassing me! And that's hard to do.
I was dropped off at school by a 700-pound man - I gotta go.
My friends are waiting - Fine! Good riddance Besides, I'm gonna go pick up some lithographs at Z Gallerie Wow That was just like "The O.
C.
" Only without 25-year-old teenagers and 35-year-old parents Well, my Holidays Around the World potluck was a rousing success Except when Egypt and Israel fought over the Suez cannoli Hi, Mom.
Hi, Fiona Hello, Darling.
Grace? - You remember Fiona, my housekeeper - Mm? Well, I-I shouldn't say housekeeper She's been with us so long, she's more like family Not really Nice to see ya! - Oh, you're lookin' fit - Well, thank you And we came into town just to do a little shopping and, uh.
.
Oh, golly.
Oh, golly Where's my other bag? I must've left it in the lobby I'll get it.
You visit with your son Oh, you are such a wonderful woman.
I.
.
I swear I don't know what I would do without you I need you to fire her, Will - What?! Why? - Well, I figured it out She broke the Lladro! Here's your scotch I wanted a hot cider Oh.
Here's your hot cider Karen.
Why are you making Olivia leave? Well, she doesn't want to be around me, I don't want to be around her - I don't - Yeah? Well then, get riddance! Don't let the door, or the gate, or the other door, or the security laser hit you on the way out! This is crazy.
Olivia Karen cares about you.
She always has - No, she doesn't - No, I don't She'd never tell you this herself, but she's always done a lot of nice things for you - No, she didn't - No, I haven't When you were a little girl, your favorite show was "Step by Step.
" Did you know that Karen paid.
.
for that show in production two extra seasons just so you could watch it? - She did? - Yes! Now, damn it you two care about each other.
But you're too stubborn to admit it Now, I am gonna lock myself out.
.
on that bitterly cold terrace for as long as it takes for you guys to work it out in this warm, comfortable, cozy room Got it? WellI better go - Olivia? - Yeah? I'm sorry that I wasn't a very good stepmother You're all right Like, remember that time when we glued the cookie to the floor and watched Mason get splinters trying to pick it up? And then Stanley showed him how to pry up the floorboards and eat 'em both together I miss Dad Yeah.
I miss him too, Honey You have his eyes, you know Except.
.
yours aren't on the sides of your head Listen, Come on, why don't you stay? We can do somethin' fun like roast chestnuts and then throw 'em at Rosario.
Come on That sounds fun Okay You guys worked it out yet? It's really chilly out here! Mom, e-even if Fiona did break the Lladro, I can't fire her she's been with us forever.
She's like a mother to me.
Sorry I know.
I know, Darling That's all right I went through quite a funk after I had you I-I wouldn't pick him up for a year And I don't care what the book said, I still think that was right thing to do Um, Marilyn, I know this isn't any of my business.
.
I can't imagine anyone who's less involved than I am But, um-- accidents happen You're not really gonna fire her, are you? You know, I trust everyone implicitly.
Until they betray that trust And then they are dead to me forever I'm just going to wait back here Will, take care of it Why me? It's easier for you.
You're cold, like your father I am much too warm I am not gonna fire Fiona.
You have to tell Mom that you did it Yes, my mom will torture you forever.
But what's worse? That, or the knowledge that you cost an innocent woman her livelihood? Well, when you put it like that, I guess the choice is pretty clear - Hello, hello - You're fired - What? - N-n-no, you're not! Yes, you are.
Get out, you Lladro-breaking leprechaun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop it! Stop it! You monster.
You are not fired.
Mom! Mom, Grace did it! Grace broke the Lladro! I knew it, I knew it all along - What? You knew? - Oh, give me a little credit.
Grace had her paws in the cashews all afternoon So this was--this was all a game? - You, you were playing us? - Yes Marilyn, I am so sorry I broke it.
And I'm so sorry I didn't tell you I'm sorry too Although, any wrong doing on my part can probly be traced to the fact that I had no human contact for the first year of my life Oh, Marilyn, I hope that we can put this behind us Hm.
We can Let's pretend it never happened Come on, Fiona, let's go.
Oh! Before I forget Happy holidays, Grace The chocolates you loved at my house - Thank you - Enjoy Will, see, your mother can forgive and forget I wouldn't ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä