Will and Grace s07e13 Episode Script

Board Games

This is fun, Grace Going to the movies on a weekday Why do you have the day off? Oh, bomb scare at Out TV Everyone got the day off to see the new Jude Law movie 'cause they're scared it's gonna bomb But I want to see Spanglish Mm.
Yeah, sure I'm over Jude Law anyway He won't return any of my calls Doesn't matter, we're in different places emotionally I hate it when you do that Well, I'm sorry, how many times do I have to apologize? Oh, dear.
Did you call out my name again the boudoir? You know that guy at the gym-- th-the trolly muscle queen with no neck? Oh, the one that you were obsessed with, who would never go out with you? Yeah.
So anyway, it was incredibly satisfying to be able to introduce him to my handsome cop boyfriend-- See, I hate that You know, I'm more than a cop, Will I'm layered.
Like an onion My therapist tells me that your compliments are actually blows to my psyche Well, forgive for being proud of you, mybig, strong, sensitive cop Tiny emotional punches You know, you're working over my super-ego l-l-like it's a side of beef William, would you like to join us for the 11:10 a.
m.
screening of Spanglish? Which is Spanish for "English" I have to go to work It's a big day, actually There's a-a reporter coming to my office to interview Karen He's doing an article on female CEOs Well, it's for Parade magazine, so it's probably female CEOs who collect commemorative coins Karen was interviewed yesterday at my office Well, not so much "interviewed," as a corrections officer came over and told her to pee in a cup and give a hair sample I gotta go.
Call me later How 'bout you, Vince? Would you like to come with us to see Spanglish, starring Paz Vega? Paz Vega is Spanish for Ashley Judd I, uh-- I gotta go to work Maybe some other time Did you see that? She completely dismissed us! Well, I for one will not be ignored Oh, I'm sorry, What'd you say? Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® Now, Karen, before this reporter gets here, remember, since Stan died, you are the face of Walker, Inc And unlike the previous face, yours isn't covered in pudding So I-I-I need you to take this seriously Relax.
I am good with reporters Ever since I leaked a little information to Woodward and Bernstein, I've had 'em eating out of my hands Do you really expect me to believe that you were Deep Throat? Only to one of them Hello.
Uh, Frank Woolley, Parade Magazine Hi, Will Truman.
I'm Ms.
Walker's lawyer And Parade reader since 1978 Well, I've been--I've been throwing it out of my Sunday paper since 1978 I use mine to wrap fish You're too kind, you're too kind Ms.
Walker, Frank Woolley I'm so excited that you're gonna be the first interview for my new, uh, hard-hittin' shoot-from-the-hip column, "Always Woolley.
" "Always Woolley"? Wouldn't "Always Frank" be better? What would that mean? Miss Walker, I know you're busy, so let's-- let's get, uh, right to the nitty-gritty Now, I hope you that some of my questions are a little bit, uh, Woolley Now, you see, a-another place wh-where "Frank" would be just as good, if not better.
You know? Nothing you say makes sense to me Mr.
Truman do you-- Do you need to be here for this? Oh, I-I know it's just a puff piece, but I-- You know, I thought I best sit in, just in case there's any legal questions Pretend I'm not here Oh, hey, Wilma.
When'd you get here? See? It's easy Uhnow, Ms.
Walker the slant of this piece is female CEOs Uh, when you married Stanley, did you, uh, ever imagine that one day you'd end up on top? Oh.
Honey, when I married Stanley, being on top was the only we could do it.
He was a very fat man Umoh.
I thought you might need a, uh, photo of Karen for the article This is-- this is a photo of you Is it? Oh.
Would you look at that? Why don't you just keep that in ca-- Y-you might wanna-- You might wanna do a sidebar about-- about her lawyer You know, "Where There's a Will, there's a Way.
" Gee, I hate to be that guy, but, uh I'm just not gettin' ya But you know what? A sidebar, that's not a bad idea Could you, uh, give me a 500-word bio on you? Well, the--the ones I have printed up were all 750 words But I can make some trims Okay.
Ha.
Now let's you and I talk about somethin' fun Hit me, Stretch Okey-dokey.
"Stretch.
" Uh, here Where's the kookiest place that you've ever taken the company jet that wasn't work-related? Wait a minute.
I see what you're trying to do You are trying to get me to take you to lunch in Barbados, and it has worked! Let's go! O-o-okay.
Uh, but only if you promise on the way to tell me your, uh, nuttiest, uh, insider trading stories I've got some doozies! But hold on a second Let me grab some petty cash from the employee pension plan Grace, hurry up I hate getting to the movies late I need a good angle to set up my video camera Pirating the movie? That's illegal Oh, I don't point it at the screen I tape my own reaction and watch it at home later Yeah.
Now, come on, hurry up Okay, okay.
I just want to buy something sticky that I can spill on the seat in front of me so no one'll sit there Oh, my God.
Look at that guy over there He looks like an Indian version of Vince That is Vince But you know what, you're right From this angle, he could be in the chorus of Bombay Dreams Well-- I don't understand why he lied to us He said he had to work Does he not like us? That's impossible I've been popular my entire life Except for those two years in junior high when my head-gear was attached to my scoliosis brace I looked like scaffolding Kids used to hang out on me and smoke What-- What's he doing? What's with all the touching? Vince, fix your shirt Is that why they fired you from being a cop? Because you don't know how to tuck? Now, you have a bright future here at the market if you just learn to play by the rules Here, come here He's all over him Is-- Is he cheating on Will? Grace, no You're reading too much into it He has his hands down Vince's pants Yes.
And if they were straight guys, I would definitely agree that they're having an affair But for gay guys, a hand down the pants just means hello, good-bye and peace It's our shalom I'm gonna talk to him W-w-wait.
No, no, no Before you do that, just think about it If you're right and is cheating on Will, then it will probably come out at some point But if you're wrong, there's nothing going on-- we're stuck talking to Vince! You're right, it's none of our business Oh, Will.
Hey, there you are Listen, we have got a major catastrophe going on Look, he was elected We just have to accept it and move on.
Hmm? Listen, no, someone's planning a hostile takeover of Walker.
Inc Oh, my God! When did this happen? Just now.
This guy wants to buy out the whole corporation You could lose your biggest client I'm sorry, I shouldn't be smiling, but, uh, we're both up for partner this year I came as soon as I heard Someone's after Stan's company I will not let that happen I built that company from the waist down Who--who's behind this? Well, I don't know, but he's in your office Oh, and, uh, tell him good luck I mean, go get 'im! Hello, Karen It's the reporter! I'm not a reporter And my name's not Frank Woolley That was just an alias that I used to get close to you My real name is Scott Woolley You know, when people want to hide their identity, they usually change their last name And what would be the point of that? Hey.
What is your game, Mister? Why are you trying to take over my company? - You don't recognize me? - Nope Why don't you take off the fake nose and the buck teeth? It was in high school I was running for student body president I was so popular and good-lookin' that nobody dared oppose me Except one girl A shy, mousy flat-chested wallflower Wow, this story is not the way I expected We had to debate in front of the whole school I walked in, confident, cool, meticulously prepared And then she walked in-- Overnight this mealy-mouthed waif had sprung gi-normous bazongas Uh, the likes of which, uh, you never see in high school Ah.
Back on track.
Yeah I took horse vitamins The very first question was, "What would to improve school morale?" I laid out a brilliant five-point plan Karen offered her seven-point plan She repeated my five points, then raised her blouse, revealing points six and seven I won by a landslide! But that was high school Who doesn't have a few bad memories? I mean, one bad perm and your nickname is Greg Brady for four years I have devoted my entire life towards getting revenge At first, I tried living well, but it turns out that's really not revenge at all But then I read that Stanley Walker had died, and that his widow was gonna be the president of the company Suddenly, I saw my chance Uh, yeah.
Scott, I don't know how familiar you are with corporate takeovers but, uh, you can't just waltz in and buy out a company It's, uh, it's a little more complicated than that, cowboy I have amassed a fortune of $500 million dollars And I've spent the last couple of years driving down her stock price so that I could take a controlling interest And this is gonna be the tenth company that I've done that to Yeah, I know.
I just mean there's gonna lot of paperwork Ladies and gentlemen of the board, Walker, Inc.
is in a shambles And the woman to blame for that is Karen Walker Her tenure as CEO has been marred by mismanagement, corporate malfeasance-- And in one instance, uh, public drunkeness at the Central Park Zoo? Hey! That goat stole my flask What was I supposed to do, not punch it? Yeah, I'd like to call for an immediate vote-- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Captain Slick It's easy to tear somebody down, but where is your plan? I--I have yet to see any evidence that you have a vision for this company th-th-- Who are these men with these notebooks that say "Vision" on them? Ladies and gentlemen, you have before you now my 100 point plan for the revitalization of Walker, Inc Oh, yeah? Well, I've got a 102-point plan - Jack? - Oh! What? I--I got your text message "Mince is fleeting.
" What does that mean? It means my thumbs are too big for my Blackberry - Vince is cheating - How do you know? Look at them A platonic cupping of the crotchal area is one thing, but to touch a man's hair? They've gone all the way It's okay, but you are half an inch away from a hair net, buddy Yeah.
Touch my hair again, I'll put a booger in the olive bar Hi, Vince Aaaah! Oh, God Grace, you startled me This place is crawling with rats Wait, what, what are you doin' here? - We know what's goin' on - Yeah, we know your filthy secret Vince.
I want your ass in aisle five And bring the mop Oh, my God What kind of a place is this? And why do I shop anywhere else? Wait, you work here? Yeah.
What'd you think I was doin'? Oh, certainly not meeting your rough trade grocery store lover for a quick handy by the bed of crackers Vince, what's going on? I got fired I'm not on the force anymore Remember last week, a guy robbed a department store and the cop accidentally shot the cashier? - That was you? - No, that was my partner I was busy tryin' on gloves Since it was my 63rd citation, and my seventh one involving, you know, gloves they fired me Oh dear, you poor thing What color were they? Taupe with a chocolate cashmere lining Oh, they woulda gone with everything Well-- Will doesn't know? No, I can't-- I'm too embarrassed Look at me.
I went from a-- from a real gun to a--to a price gun You know, yesterday I busted some guy shoplifting All I could two mark him "two for a dollar" and send him on his way - Why, you woulda shot him? - I woulda had the option Vince.
Will loves you You could tell him anything And you shouldn't feel bad about working here I mean, every job has its own dignity Thanks, Grace Well, that's what I was thinkin' I'm tryin' to stay rosette about the whole thing - You slacking off again? - Why don't you lay off, you little bitch, before I rip your head off your neck - You're fired - What? Why?! I have no idea But if you need me, I'll be in aisle five Well, thank you, everyone I trust that what I've shown you today will help you to make an informed decision about the future of Walker, Inc Very impressive presentation, Ms.
Walker I hadn't seen 'em in a while They still look like a tenth grader's That's because they are.
Shh! Thank you both.
If you could just give us a minute to vote? Uh, I'm afraid your efforts aren't gonna make any difference I'm still gonna win I stomped your client back into the Ice Age After today, they're gonna be calling me The Scotty Mammoth Why wouldn't you just say "Woolley mam--" Oh, never mind We've taken a vote We've decided to go with Scott Woolley That is not you Uh, Karen? I was worried that after all these years, um, my revenge would empty and hollow But-- I was wrong It's awesome! I'm gonna start moving into your late husband's office So now it's your turn to cry, uh, to wet yourself a little, and, uh, get beaten up by the marching band Not that any of those things happened to me Karen, this is not over Sure he has brains and his fancy folders And all we've got is--is your breasts But-- Yeah, this is probably over That's sweet of you to say, Wilma But I'm just gonna say goo to the board I--I'm sorry, everybody.
I just-- I just wanted to say that, um-- Well, I'm a little hurt.
I mean, I-- I really thought that we were a family Clive I was there for the birth of your cocaine habit Watching it grow over these past eight years I've never been prouder And Jim.
Oh, gosh I remember the third anniversary of your S & M affair with old Charlotte here Never told either of your spouses 'Cause that's what family does They keep secrets Secrets that I am no longer under any obligation to keep Well, like at last year's executive retreat, when Lynette and I-- - I'd like to vote again - Me too - All in favor of Karen Walker, say "Aye.
" - Aye All opposed? Man.
That is one sweet office that Stanley Walker had Although I might replace the omelet station with a-- oh, I don't know-- a computer Sorry, Scott The board has reconsidered Ms.
Walker is once again the president of Walker, Inc What? Why? Don't tell him No, no, no! Y-y-you can't do that Those--those folders were expensive Why? Why? Well, it looks like it's time for you to go back where you came from Beam me up, Woolley! This is not over Maybe I didn't get your company, but I'm gonna get ya I don't know how, I don't know when I'm not gonna lie to you, I put a lot of eggs in this basket But I promise, you have not seen the last of me And the next time you see me, you will be terrified! Did I lose my keys? ÀÚ¸·Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä
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