Will and Grace s07e24 Episode Script

Kiss and Tell

I still can't believe Tom tried to kiss you at the museum The guy's married What a jerk I know, right? Can I have that section of the newspaper? This part only has news in it I feel like I'm angrier about this than you are No, I'm outraged - You just smiled - I thought of something funny What? A kid dropped a Popsicle Liar! You would never laugh at food falling I know what's going on here, Grace I know you.
You're flattered You like him Hey, he tried to kiss me I said no I did nothing wrong The only thing I'm guilty of is looking pretty in museum light But you're still working with them.
Won't that be awkward? I mean, you really think that you can be with him without thinking about that kiss or wondering if he's gonna try it again? - I-I think it's a bad idea - How can I walk away from this? It's huge It's a hotel It's five houses in Monopoly Well, I just hope I'm not right - No, you don't - That's true, I do like to be right But I also like to help people That's what I'm all about now That's what I do You don't even know what you do You start this charity job today Yes, that's right, and as of today, this big blue marble's gonna become a better place Wow someone discovers a way to eat smug, then you could feed the whole world Hey! Oh, good, you're both here, so I won't have to say this twice Now that I'm the host of Jack Talk I am on the verge of exploding into the public consciousness - So things might get a little crazy - Wow, that's big What's Jack Talk? I think it's the thing he does in the shower with his penis Okay, all right.
That's good.
That's good you're keeping me grounded.
That's good I'm gonna need that now that I'm the host of my own talk show, Jack Talk.
Now So when the tabloids call-- All right, listen up-- Give them nothing Except these personal quotes "It says a lot about Jack that he would remain friends with me even though I am average-looking at best and barely holding on to my hair I went to school with Jack and he was always the most smartest student in the class" Good.
That's wonderful, wonderful, perfect Now, listen, I promise every New Year's day, we'll get together for brunch, okay? Or at least a real long, good talk on the phone But be together, 'cause I ain't gonna do this twice, all right? Jack Talk! Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª ½ÌÅ© ÆíÁý ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® Truman starts today Yeah, he has no idea what we're doing He's way past hooked.
He's in the net and on the way to the cooler It's a fishing metaphor-- The cooler where you put the fish Hey, could you hold on a second? It's gonna sound like I'm hanging up, but I'm not - Knock, knock.
Hey, boss - Oh, Will, you're early.
Drat I was hoping to have this finished before you got here See! "Welcome Wi--" Well, you get the idea.
No obligation to hang it up It's just something I do for relaxation Some people have erotic massage, and I do needlepoint Some people do both Yeah, Will, you're at the office, so let's leave your freak at home, okay? I'm just kidding-- We're very loosey goosey around here - I was just--first day.
I'm a little nervous - Oh, don't be nervous You don't have to impress anybody Everybody loves you You've won them all over Oh, that's nice, it's-- It's just that I haven't met anyone yet In fact, I haven't seen anyone on this entire floor Well, that's because they're all, uh, out doing Secret Santa.
We start early And you got Sharon.
A little tip-- She likes anything with penguins on it Oh! Who doesn't? I'm glad I got her.
Heh-heh - What's the limit? - 20, but if you go to 25 nobody'll kill you Well, I just-- I'm so excited I can't wait to start helping those kids Good, 'cause that's what we're all about helping those kids So, um How do we help the kids? - Aren't you the little worker? - Yeah Your office is two doors down on the left Yeah, I tried to get in there earlier There's a German Shepherd standing guard Yeah.
That's Roscoe the office mascot I'd be careful around him.
His attack command is a commonly-used phrase Can you tell me what it is? No.
Now get outta here Take a needlepoint This one says "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get"Isn't that cute? It's got the little bunny rabbit on there Yeah Maybe I can use that to distract the dog Very good - Thank you - Don't say that around Roscoe So, what do you think of the set of your new talk show, Jack? Wow, Jamie, it really came together, yeah Couple things Instead of this swoopy madness happening here um, I think I'd prefer a giant replica of the front of Brad Pitt's pants You know, then I could zipper out-- Hello! Jack Talk! Sorry, Jack, we're already doing that on two of our other shows So who's your line-up for your first show? Well, since it's my premier, I wanted to go with a really, really big celebrity So I went with the blonde guy who sat at the front desk for seven years on "NYPD Blue" The homo that replaced Gail O'Grady? How on earth did you get him? Oh, well, he was just delivering this desk, and I said, "Hey, what are you doing later?" That is genius - Good work, Jack.
You're a real pro - Thank you - Kiss for luck? - Oh, sure Wow.
Sorry we're late, Jackie Rosie took me shopping I've never been to a bodega in Spanish Harlem before That was Macy's "Macy's.
" Hear me? I'm speakin' Spanish Jackie, I love this set Oh, thanks, it's from the 1982 People's Choice Awards Oh, this is so exciting! Rosie, would you mind leaving? Why? / I just think it'd be a lot more special without you here I'd ring your neck, but I don't want to be standing in puddle of gin Karen, Karen, Karen sit down Honey, guess who I saw on the way over here Who? Christian Slater I love him I'll take me some Christians now and have the rest of my "Christian Slater" Oh, Jackie.
Don't make me laugh, I'm gonna wet myself I've had to pee for two weeks Then I suppose you don't want me to tickle ya / Jackie, Jackie, no! - Jackie, Jackie, Jackie! I'll spank you! - Ow, Karen, ow! Stop everything! - You're behaving like idiots - Sorry, Jamie Don't apologize-- That's your show Jack, you just found yourself a co-host! What? What? Really? I'd love to be a co-host You know, sometimes when Jackie and I get into a groove we just go back and forth like that I don't even know what I said! Um, excuse me, Jamie A word, ahem Co-host? Um, isn't it a little late to change anything? I mean, people are so used to seeing my face on promotional seat cushions I don't know if anyone wants to sit on Karen's face Jack, if I'm right about this, this entire city's gonna wanna sit on both your faces So, I am seeing the lobby floors in Terrazzo (´ë¸®¼®À» °ñÀç·Î ÇÑ ÄÜÅ©¸®Æ®) It's beautiful, durable, and chic, without being trendy - I love it.
How much is it? - $300 a square foot Great, We'll do one foot of that right here and then the rest, you can just leave this brown paper down Come on, Tom you can afford it Everyone at college knew that your father invented the speed bump No, no, He, he was a human speed bump It was some kind of a frat prank that went awry Okay, uh I'll find something else then - Whoa, we talked about this last night-- - No, I was just, wanted to get-- - I know, I wasn't trying to-- - Oh, you wanted-- - Believe me, I know - You know, After last night, I just-- I know, I'm sorry Look, I had had too much to drink Ever since rehab I've just become such a lightweight I'm--I'm kidding I'm not I can't do this job - Grace, don't let one stupid-- - Look, I said no Hey! I brought us sandwiches! Ooh, Terrazzo Viv, I was just telling Tom that um, I-- - I can't do this job - Grace-- I am so, so sorry I said yes before I checked my schedule And I'm overbooked.
In fact I am-- I'm actually late right now for a meeting.
So, um I am going to wish you luck And I'm gonna go And I'm gonna thank you for the turkey sandwich Easy, Elizabeth! You're putting makeup on a star, not suntan lotion on some slut during spring break! Sorry, dude.
You got pores like gopher holes - That'll be all, Elizabeth - Can you call me Dave? My dad's in the audience Elizabeth Senior's here? I can't wait to meet him Rosie, I love this makeup that you got at El Macy's.
- You're doing a wonderful job - Thank you Part of your ear fell off I'll put it on ice.
Oh, Jackie, I'm so excited! Our first show! Mm-hmm You and I on TV together Just like we've always dreamed Mm-hmm Honey, I didn't tell you but I came up with a theme song It's Jack Talk It's Jack Talk With Karen - Stop it! Stop playing that guitar! - What? Honey, what's wrong? Are you mad 'cause it's not that techno stuff that your people like? No, I'm mad at you! This show is my thing! Ugh, you're always grabbing my thing Well, honey, I thought you liked it when I grabbed your thing Not this time This show is my moment to shine in the spotlight, Now I have to share it with you Besides, I already had a sidekick, and it looked like this Jackie, I thought you were my friend I can't believe that you would be so selfish It's Jack Talk It's Jack Talk It's Jack Talk Without Karen Malcolm? Hello, Malcolm? - Hi, Will - Aah! Hey, you scared me I guess we all feel a little jumpy and unsafe with Martha Stewart's release I was just admiring the photograph - Is that your family? - No, it came with the frame - But you're in the picture - Yeah, I used to be a model So how's work going, Will? It feels good to help people, huh? Yeah, about that Um It seems all I'm doing is transferring money from the Cayman Islands to Russia And the Russian kids could not be more grateful And the Cayman kids don't need the money because they have the beach and whatnot Yeah, I-- I've been to the Cayman Islands and, uh, people down there mostly just work in hotels or braid hair for a dollar So what--where is the money coming from? Well, the Americans come and they leave tips And then they send the money to the Russians.
The, uh, Caymanites I don't believe that Okay, what's this really about? This! Or is it really about the fact that the gang went out for drinks last night and nobody called you? What gang?! I still haven't met anyone else! Except Roscoe, who apparently thinks I keep Alpo in my pants! Somebody's got the new job blues Look, something weird is going on here and I wanna know what it is Nothing--there's nothing weird going on here Malcolm, the package has arrived Will, could you excuse me for a moment? I have to talk to, uh Hank from accounting I apologize for that Hank wants to go home early to pick up his kids from soccer practice So where were we? I believe you were asking me some kind of a question No, no, just, um wanted to say hi - Stop! - What? If the gang goes to Tony Roma's tonight you want me to call you? No, I'm good, I'm good Oh, hey, Karen - Thank God.
I really need to talk to you - Forget it, honey I know when I'm not wanted I just came by to pick up one last thing I'm not even gonna tell you what this was for But, Karen, I want you to be my co-host - You do? - Yeah.
You know, I thought about it and you were right.
I was a selfish jerk and I'm sorry Do you really mean it, Jackie? I kinda do, yeah Show time.
Let's go We got over 10 people out there just waiting to earn their Burger Barn coupon Tall gay guy I'm not going out there Honey, Jackie doesn't need a co-host He's been laughing at his own jokes for years Karen, but I really want to share this with you Oh, honey, no This is your thing If we do everything together then what are we? Will and Grace And that's just sad Okay.
So this girl is outta here! Girl? Then you're definitely out I just assumed you were a drag queen Ladies and gentlemen the host of Jack Talk, Jack McFarland! Oh, honey, go out there and knock 'em dead! Okay.
Thanks, Kare And I promise I'm gonna start every show with a little signal just for you I'd like that - Should we go help him? - No, no, no, no That was for me Mrs.
Newsom, good news My schedule has freed up so I can do that job for you Yes-- Yeah, it would have been nice to work on that hotel.
But I am-- I'm equally passionate about, um converting your terrace into an eco-friendly ferret village Yes.
Bye Hi I brought you some hot chocolate 'cause I remember that was your favorite I'm just kind of wishing it wasn't 90 degrees outside What are you doing here? I want to know why you quit - You know why - No, I really don't Tom You never should have called me It was a mistake from the very beginning You have feelings for me And you don't have them for me? It doesn't matter.
That's not the point.
The point is.
.
that I should not be having this conversation with someone who's married But what--what if I-- I can't help the way I feel, Grace - What is that? Don't do that - It's the truth - Nono - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I-- I shouldn't have come here.
II-- - Let's just forget it even happened - I didn't mean to-- I didn't mean to-- - I know you didn't - It was awkward and-- I know it was and I'm sorry, but-- - So we're good? - Yeah Okay, then I'm gonna go Okay Malcolm - I need to talk to you - Sure You wanna go somewhere private? No, this is fine I can't work here anymore.
I don't know what this is, but I'm not stupid Hank is not an accountant And I don't believe that he got stabbed in the neck while changing the toner! If you leave, Will, what will happen to the kids? The kids have $85 million in a Swiss bank account.
The kids are fine! I knew this was going to happen.
I said "Truman's a smart guy There's going to be questions" What is this all about? I mean, meeting me in the park, pretending you like my writing Hiring me for a job that doesn't even exist What the hell is going on? All right, I'm gonna be truthful with you We're not a charitable organization Uh doy! No need for harsh words I work for the government And we're protecting a very important individual who has requested your services - He wants your help - Who? - Open that door and find out - Why don't you just tell me? Well, that wouldn't be very dramatic now, would it? Well, you make a good point Oh, my God Stanley? You're alive? ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä