Will and Grace s08e04 Episode Script

Steams Like Old Times

Hey, my life is so much richer since I started delivering meals for Project Angel Food I'm a good person I don't say that enough Ugh.
Bringing food to old, home-bound people, Depressing Yeah.
It's tough to see their faces light up when they realize they're gonna eat that day I love being home-bound Or going to his place and being bound Either way, you do get hungry You know, Will, I used to deliver paper bags to elderly peoples' doors Of course they were filled with poo and I'd set 'em on fire So, you'll be home by seven though, right? - For what? - "For what"? Rob and Ellen, Joe and Larry are coming over for the Tenth Annual Game Night Spectucular Wow Ten years of game night What a milestone Maybe you should celebrate with a suicide pact Thank God I have plans with Malcolm tonight Malcolm? I can't wait 'til Malcolm is your Malcolm-ex Jackie, why don't you like him? The man is a doll If dolls spoke seven languages and and enormous genitalia I would like that doll I'll take it when you're done with it I'm sorry, Karen I do not like this man I do not like him in your house I do not like him in your blouse I'm sorry, I'm really engrossed in this novel right now Jackie, just come a-shoppin' with us Come on, I know that you'll like Malcolm if you just spend some more time with him And besides Honey, your opinion means so much to me Really? 'Cause sometimes I worry you only think of me as a trained monkey who only hops around for your amusement That's nonsense - Now come on - Alright Oh, and if you like him, clang your cymbals once Okay, I think that's everybody A kosher meal for Lou, a low sodium for Freida Wait a minute.
Am I missing one? Where's-- Grace! You're eating Clyde's meal! Well, I hope he has a salt shaker because this crap is bland Actually this works out great.
It gives me an excuse to go to Dean & Deluca and get Clyde the lobster salad he loves so much All you talk about is Clyde lately What, do you love him? I sorta do He's--He's witty and smart He's the kind of gay man I'd like to be when I'm older You know, except without the farting Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Steams Like Old Times ½ÌÅ© Á¦ÀÛ ÇÑ±Û ¹ø¿ª ½ÌÅ© ÆíÁý ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® Jack, I am so happy we're getting to know each other better I was so afraid that when I helped Stanley fake his own death then brought him back here for a long-awaited reunion with his ex-wife then fell in love with her and started dating her myself her friends would have trouble accepting me Well, it's nothing we haven't all been through before You know, Jack, I know two ways to get a guy to call me friend One is to attach his nipples to a car battery And the other is to buy him a fine Italian suit Do I have to choose? Jackie, this is exactly the side of Malcolm that I wanted you to see The playful, torturey side Hang on, that guy's looking at a shirt that would look great on you and I can't let that happen Hey! Hey! Ooh, isn't he cute? And he's a real man's man Oh, I love to watch his strong rough fingers unbuttoning my nighty Oh.
You know, it's a wonder he can even get it over his head Yeah, he's nice yes, he's good looking and yes, he smells like baby powder and Greek salad - but there's one little thing - What's that, honey? He's not Stan! You belong with Stan! Gosh, I hope you like this 'Cause it just cost that guy a little piece of his tongue - Hi guys! - Hi! / - Hi! Did you come together? No, we met on the elevator Did you know our kids are in the same kindergarten class? Isn't that funny? Is it? Anyway.
Welcome to the Tenth Anniversary Game Night Spectacular! Where are Rob and Joe? Uh, Joe couldn't come Our babysitter canceled Our babysitter canceled, too! - Isn't that funny?! - That is so funny! / - Oh, my God! I don't think you're using that word right Okay, so no Rob and no Joe That's okay, 'cause they're weak players they never add anything to the evening anyway They're our husbands - Yeah, but they're duds - That's true Okay, so tonight will be an all-star game You guys against me and Will At least we still have an even number Isn't that funny? Hey, everybody Slight change in the guest list All the way from 1933, my friend Clyde! Hello Lord, it's kind of damp in here I was afraid of that - Hi / - Hello there - Nice to meet you You must be Grace My, you're beautiful - Uh - no, no.
I'm Grace Ah Hello - Uh, Will, can I talk to you for a sec? - Sure Oh, uh, Clyde can I get you anything? Oh, just some Tiger Balm and a clear path to the rest room What is he doing here? He's an odd number Who needs a little company And compassion This is what I do now, Grace I give I help, I make a difference It's kind of who I am now I'm-- I'm Charity Will Ok, yeah, I get what you're doing, and, um the new name is cute but do you think you can stick your friend in the closet and tell him he's in Heaven's coatroom? Grace, don't worry He's not even gonna play Hey, Clyde! Are you excited being the score keeper for the tenth anniversary game night spectacular? Score keeper? I'll need a whistle and a gun How 'bout a pencil and the back of this take out menu Well, I'll make due Now, what are the rules? Oh, know what? You don't even need to know the rules, since you're not playing Yeah, but it might be more fun for him if he did know Here's how you play Celebrity You take a slip out of the bowl and then you try to describe it Oh, I get it So, I'd say something like "It's yellow, it's rectangular and it's folded" Goh! Karen, you and Stan were married You can't say that doesn't mean anything Oh, Jackie, you just think that marriage is sacred because it's legally denied you Honey, Stanley betrayed me First by cheating, and then by faking his own death No, no, no! I am done with him! Well, he's not done with you He's sorry, he loves you and he wants you back How do you know? Because he told me yesterday You saw Stanley? No, he called me because you won't take any of his calls You're damned right I won't! I never want to hear that high-pitched voice again! I'm meeting him later at his health club I think it's called New York Health and Fatness, or something So, Karen, come with me No.
I won't I'm seeing Malcolm now.
I want you to accept that and bless our union I can't do that - Bless it! - No! - Bless it! - No! - Achoo! - Bless you - Ha ha ha! - Oh! Can I get you something to drink before we start? Oh, sure.
Sure But what? Let me think.
- Water? - No - Tea - No Coffee? Soda? Juice? Beer? - Tang? - Yes! Tang would be nice Gosh, I'm sorry I ran out of Tang When I was seven Um Never mind Let's get on with the game Okay! Okay, great.
Alright These are the teams Me and Will Ellen and Larry - Ready? - Oh What's the matter? Well, your little guessing game sounds like so much fun I sure wish I was playin' - And you shall - He shan't.
He can't Because he, uh, you know he doesn't have a partner Grace Why you don't you be partners with Clyde? - I got Will! - Wait, no! Uh-oh.
Sounds like I'm not a very popular partner No.
No, no, no, that's not it it's-- It's just that, um I would just feel horrible if my my dear friend Ellen had to sit out Oh, I don't mind I think I'm gonna enjoy this Okay! Well, uh, Grace Clyde.
You're up Thanks a lot.
Now it's a tenth anniversary suck-tacular Give him a chance He might be great at this And, go! Oh, good.
Good, good, good Okay, this is an easy one Um, trashy pop singer - She pees in gas stations - Oh, this is an easy one! Lola Falana Oops, I did it again Oh, that's alright, Grace Just open a window Uh, okay, famous for nothing - Carmen Electra - Yes Ok, if I ever see your face again I'll shoot myself - Paris Hilton - The other one - Lindsay Lohan - The other one - Tom Cruise! - Yes! Time! That's Time! - How many did they get? - Eight - Is that more than we got? - It's eight more Oh, hello, Stan It's good to see you again You're looking fantastic I, uh-- Whoops! That's still you, Okay sorry, Didn't see you there.
And-- Oops! And there's more Okay Wow.
It has been two years, and so much has happened in your life My mind is just reeling with questions.
Like, um Have you seen my new talk show? And Can you tell my tan is fake on the air? Oh, weeknights, 4 AM Mm-hmm, yeah Well, give it a little look-see and let me know if I'm too orange Anyway, Karen and I got into a really big fight I tried to convince her to get back together with you again and now she doesn't want to see either of us You brought your harmonica Oh, I don't feel like-- Don't know why There's no sun up in the sky-- Jack, you and I need to-- Oh, I'm sorry Are you in the middle of a number? I can come back What are you doing here? And you look ridiculous with your towel tied like that Jack, I didn't come here to threaten you into blessing my relationship with Karen Even though I could revoke your passport put your name on a watchlist and have your cable cut off right before the Tonys for the rest of your life But I came here to see Stanley Hello, Stanley.
I'm sure you've heard all about Karen and I Karen and me.
I stand corrected I always get that wrong You know, I always mix up "was" and "were" Yeah, I have to sing "If I Were a Rich Man" to get it right Or is it "was"? Ugh that is so hard for I Stanley, I know that this is all a little.
/ Uh, whoops, he's.
- I know that this is all.
- A little more.
You know what, Ellen, I feel badly that you haven't even had a turn yet So, why don't you play with Clyde Oh, no, no, no.
I'm having fun In fact I'm gonna put Rob on the phone so he can listen Tell him I'll e-mail him some of these great pictures I'm getting Okay.
Grace and Clyde are up again And Grace, try to focus.
Okay? You're slowing my boy down - Flip the timer or I'll shove it up your-- - Go Oh, I know this one He was in the film Titanic - Leonardo DiCaprio! - Oh, no, no.
The lead - Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio - No, think! The poor blond boy who froze in the water Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm positive It's Leonardo DiCaprio! / Time Tom Hanks! Tom Hanks? / Ooh-hoo, I bet you're the one who feels stupid now - Anyway-- - No, not anyway! Tom Hanks? Tom Hanks! He could-- could have said Big or Splash, or Forrest Frickin' Gumpp! You know what? I have really tried to be a good sport tonight I sat quietly by even though you had no idea who Eminem was and you didn't even know the candy! But I am done! I am done with game night! Maybe forever! Thanks a lot, Clyde!! Hey, Grace Say cheese Motherf.
- Can I see you in the kitchen, please! - No Oh! Ow, ow, hair! Hair! Hair, hair, hair! How could you say that to Clyde? How could you make me play with him all night? - Ow! / - Ow! - Ow! Ow! Let go! You let go! Alright count of three.
Ok One, two, three Ow! Would it have killed you to be a little nice to him? What is wrong with you? You have not been this obsessed with a gray-haired man since you discovered Anderson Cooper! He is a lovely, old gay man And when I am his age and living alone in a crummy apartment with a 19-year-old cat who is either really sleepy or long dead I hope that someone will be kind to me Wait a minute.
Wait a minute You think-- You think you're gonna be Clyde? - Is that what this is all about? - How do you know that I won't? I I saw this old photo of him on a beach It could have been me Except for the Korean War going on in the background Will.
That's absurd You're not Clyde There is no way that you will ever age that well And there's another reason why you're not him - 'Cause I'll have you? - That's right And I ain't going anywhere So you got it? You will never be a lonely old gay man like Clyde Uh, excuse me I'm so sorry For everything I, I was wrong to assume that you're lonely Oh, I'm lonely.
Heck, I leave my door unlocked in hopes of getting robbed But I'm not gay - You're not? / - No, I was married once to a beautiful doctor She, uh, travelled a lot to work, and when she had an affair with a colleague I-- I ended it I've been alone ever since Wow.
He's really not me He's you, Grace! Did you hear that, Rob? He's Grace! - That's crazy! - Wait a minute If you're not gay, why are you getting free meals from Project Angel Food? - Why not? It's food and it's free - Oh, my God.
He is me! I have great news, baby I talked with Stan I told him I thought that I was a better man for you than he is And he said, "Okay" He did? I promise you I'll never fake my death When I kill myself it's gonna be for real And I'm gonna take you with me That's so romantic - Is that true, Jackie? - He did I remember 'cause right after he said it we discovered an Asian man trapped underneath him So, you're okay now with me and mama? Sure.
If Stan wants you to have her then you can have her.
Oh Listen to us talking like she's a thing.
I'm sorry It's yours.
Take it You have my blessing Baby, now there's nothing standing in our way Oh, I'm so happy darling.
Hmm So.
Stanley just let me go without even a fight Well.
I guess everything is just Peaches and Herb Alright, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna run to the Bronx and set something on fire You know, because I'm so happy! Hello, Stanley.
Don't talk! I have something to say Oh, Stanley How could you? Wasn't it enough that you left me? Wasn't it enough that I was the last one to know that you weren't dead? But no.
You have the gall to just let me go without even a fight You fleshy bastard You're ready to toss me aside like some meaningless fling, or unattractive baby How dare you Goodbye, Stanley After what you've done there is nothing you could say that would ever win me back Oh, Stanley Oh, Stanley! Ow, turkey leg! ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Á °ÇºÎ ¹èÆ÷ / ¼öÁ¤ ±ÝÁö ¹èÆ÷½Ã ÀÚ¸· Ãâó¸¦ ²À ¹àÇô ÁÖ¼¼¿ä