Will and Grace s08e06 Episode Script

Love is in the Airplane

This is so decadant Flying to London on a red-eye for the weekend Well, I am not gonna go to my grave without seeing Billy Elliot: The Musical What is it about a boy in a tutu that always brings a town together? Oh, excuse me Can I get a second pillow? We're only supposed to give out one Aww, Boo hat couldn't have been cuter I think I have an extra - Uh, can I get an extra one, too? - We're out Perhaps you could fold your hair up behind your head Uh, boo Gimme that! Well, what do you expect? It's an international flight and you're dressed for the International House of Pancakes What? I wanna be comfortable All I'm gonna be doing is eating and sleeping and farting into my airplane blanket Well, at least today you have an airplane blanket Okay I'm gonna go do a celebrity hunt What? If there's a major celebrity onboard the plane won't go down If there's a minor celebrity, we'll definitely go down.
Everybody knows that That is ridiculous The only way to prevent a plane from going down is to pack your lucky Woodstock Oh, uh, this is first class You can't come in here Oh, no, I'm just trying to see-- No, I know what you're doing, and we're fine Paula Abdul is in 2A Ooh.
Really? Couldn't that go either way? Excuse me? Do you have Princess Diaries Part 1? I don't think I'll enjoy Part 2 unless I know how she became a princess Oh, my god Àª Àª & Àª & ±× Àª & ±×·¹ Àª & ±×·¹ÀÌ Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º Àª & ±×·¹À̽º ½Ì Å© Á¦ ÀÛ ÇÑ ±Û ¹ø ¿ª ½Ì Å© Æí Áý ÃÖÁ¾ Å×½ºÆ® I totally shouldn't be doing this because A: I have a boyfriend and B: it's from first class but Here's a warm cookie Thank you! Can I also get a glass of champagne? You will not believe this Leo's in first class Leo DiCaprio is in first class? No.
Leo, Leo.
My Leo Oh, my God.
Leo? Leo.
I don't know what to do I'm-- I'm completely freaked out I guess-- I guess I should say hello Well, I-- I can't! Look at me! You see! This is why you should always dress when flying Oh! You know what? Okay I'm gonna check my carry-on Maybe I have something Grace, Grace, Grace! It doesn't matter what you're wearing He cares about you, not how you look Are you kidding me? I know.
Even as I said it I didn't believe it Oh I love tea It's so proper Now, do you take lemon or peyote in yours? Lemon, please I always forget what you mean when you invite me over for high tea Karen, I'm thinking you need to hire Rosie back You always said she was your soulmate No, I said said she was my soul maid And I am not hiring her back I am very happy with her replacement, Leni Oh, mum! I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of lowering all the shelves in your medicine closet For those days when you're jack-knifed behind the toilet Oh! You must be that famous Mr.
McFarland Oh, you're even more handsome than I imagined You're like a young Princess Margaret It's a pleasure meeting you It's a pleasure to meet you, too, Leni See, Jackie Isn't she nice? Yes, but Karen, Rosie's a mess without you Yesterday, she actually considered going back to the American Ballet Theatre She even started her binge-purge cycle just to get back into shape Rosario betrayed me Now.
If you'll excuse me I think I may have had one too many cups of tea I'm just going to step into the other room and scrape these scorpions off of my body Um Seems like you're really fond of this Rosario I'm sorry, Leni it's-- It's got nothing to do with you It's just that Karen and Rosie go together You know, like Abbott and Consuelo You understand Oh, yes I do I mean, friendship is the most important thing in the world Now, there's something I'd like you to understand What's that dear? I am not losing this job you little pole smoker! If you say that woman's name in this house again I will peel you like a "banana" A what? A ba-nah-ner A what? I'll cut your junk off! Oh, banana Come on, Grace There's only so much you can accomplish in an airplane bathroom Can you believe this was still in the bottom of my bag from Provincetown? You look amazing Now, I feel under-dressed I guess that's what they mean by cabin pressure Don't laugh at your own jokes It makes you look like a dad Okay.
I can do this I'm gonna walk by him confident and sexy And I'm gonna let him discover me I'm very cute when I'm caught off guard Here, catch me off guard Grace? Wow.
There is really nothing authentic about you, is there? Go on You're gonna be great I'm sorry no coach people allowed Yeah, my ex-husband is up there and I just want to say a quick hello That's a great story Now, why don't you hurry back to your seat or you'll miss your cheese sandwich - What's going on? - He won't let me in Aww.
Boo That is adorable And did you get those dangerous brown eyes through security? Oh, well, I have a license to carry these But, my abs of steel set off some alarms - So, can I-- - Just, go.
Bleh I stood behind Julie Andrews at a bookstore once Just between you and me she looked a lot more Victor than Victoria Grace? Wow.
I can't get over this How are you? I'm good.
I'm going to Thailand Connecting in London Oh, that's so funny, I'm going to London! Well, of course.
Hello We're on the same plane and this plane is going to London Big relief.
Would not want to wake up in Afghanistan That war there is terrible We should not be there Not that I don't support the troops I just want them to come home safely Of course, I won't be there if they come home this weekend because I'll be in London, but I guess if they come home next weekend - You know, I could be there-- - Grace-- - I just wouldn't know where they get off the plane / - It's okay I'm nervous, too You are? Oh.
Hi Me again Any chance I could move up here with you? Are you flirting with me to get a better seat? Because I should tell you I have a boyfriend Well, I should tell you that by the time this plane lands, you might have two If they let us wear pearls I'd be clutching them -Come on up -Oh, great.
I'll get my stuff Okay What are you doing? I give you a pillow and a cookie and you flirt with my boyfriend? He's your boyfriend? That's a twist I did not need I got a seat ready for you, handsome I see you're up to your old tricks again Big surprise You've always had a thing for Middle Eastern men Okay Karen! Before you brush your under-wig, we need to talk Leni's a monster Honey, she's just British They don't get a lot of sun Yesterday, she walked in front of a lamp and I could see her brain Not that! She threatened me! Wh--? Jackie I can not believe you You will say anything to get me to hire Rosie back No, no, no, no This isn't about hiring Rosie back Your new maid threatened me She said she'd peel me like a banana A what? A banana! A what? She said she'd cut my junk off! Oh, a Banahner! All right.
I am gonna get to the bottom of this right now What the hell are you doing here? Your call is-- Yes, mum? Oh.
Leni Jack told me that you threatened to assault him Is that true? Oh, goodness no I would never lift a finger to anyone Well, I couldn't even if I wanted to During the Blitz, my arms were pinned under a dead horse for a week Liar! Jackie, please! The poor woman got her finger stuck in a horse while she was blitzed Well.
You have really sunk to a new low Lying about this poor dear, translucent woman Just to get me to hire Rosie back? I can't even look at you - But, Karen! I-- - No! No, I mean it I'm gonna take a bath, and when I come out I don't want to see your face Fine! I'll take my face and go! And this was the Congo so the spider that was crawling up my bed was as big as a dinner plate A hairy dinner plate Yeah, I got a couple of plates like that under my bed, too What did you do? Well, I screamed Then he screamed I threw a book he threw a chair things were implied insults were hurled Finally, I just slid a piece of paper under him and took him outside Though, he will probably tell you it happened the other way around Wow.
You've really grown You used to make me vacuum them up Yeah, it's not that I was so afraid of the spider I was just the only thing I could do to get you to vacuum Oh! Hi Hey, um, can I ask you something? Are you, um Are you still mad at me? No.
No, I'm not I'm really not I'm glad This is my fault I'm gonna make it my goal for rest of this flight to get you guys back together Because, you know A: there's obviously love here And-- and B: you might be working my return flight So, come on.
Come on Sit down and just work it out, Okay? Can I have a blanket? You sit, you talk I'll get it Can I get a coffee? Oh-- Oh, no No, I'm not actually a flight-- Okay, who else wants coffee 'cause I'm not gonna make two trips Wow, I gotta say Red-eye flight to London I wouldn't have expected you to be all gussied up, you know? I would have figured you for sweats I guess I've changed So have you You just became the first Jew to say the word "gussied.
" I was scared that it was going to be weird, seeing you, you know It's not I know.
I'm just relieved that after all this time, we can just be normal I know Okay.
The coast is clear Now.
You go find Karen and do whatever you need to do to get your job back and I'll distract Leni Oh, it's a great plan Like Ocean's Eleven If only I looked like Julia Roberts Ya don't Yes, mum? Oh, look It's the little 'armonica blower Ready for his ass-kicking and right on sched-- time You're gonna have to catch me first Scary Poppins! Excuse me Can I-- Ma'am, please take your seat until beverage service is complete Oh, it's you What are you doing? You know what? I don't care.
Give me a white wine $5.
00 Ginger ale You have no idea what I have been through since I smuggled you into first class I got into a relationship I broke up a relationship somehow I became a flight attendant everybody wants headsets and of course they only have twenties So, you better tell me that you at least had a decent conversation with Leo I slept with him My God you are a gay man Who does this mean? It means It was nice Nice? Yeah, it was nice to have one moment with Leo that wasn't wierd or complicated or uncomfortable there's that damn kosher meal again It's not on any of my lists So, are you okay? Yeah Yeah, I think I am I mean, I wish I could have those last few hours all the time But Leo's always gonna be the guy who's flying off somewhere And that's okay As long as I'm not the one at home waitin' - Sweetie--? - No, it's good.
It's good Most people never get any closure I got hot closure Well, I'm happy for you You washed your hands, right? Hello, Miss Karen Rosario! What are you doing here? I fired you months ago! And besides, I didn't do this-- God, I miss that sound I came to apologize and to ask for my job back I'm sorry I have a new maid now and she is an elegant distinguished woman Fire that psycho! She is not a psycho You listen to me, lady-- You know what? I don't have to listen to you, you Mexican nesting doll - How dare you talk to me like that! - You waste of space! You leave more - hair in the tub than you clean out it! - I don't take this from garbage from you! - I could shove a dust rag up a baboon's ass / - You are a nasty, disgusting pig! and he'd do a better job than you, you big armadillo! God, I missed you so much! I missed you too, mommy! Aqua Velva and garlic Smells like home I shaved Okay.
Nine hours until Billy Elliot That gives us eight hours to sleep and one hour to find a Burger King There it is Perfect Grace Hi Hullo, Will.
Enjoying your holiday? That's cute Hullo, Leo What are you doing? You sound ridiculous Okay I thought you had a plane to catch Decided not to I thought we could see London together Really? Yeah, we always said we were gonna do that.
What do you think? Um Yeah Yeah I'd like that Great, I'll-- I'll change my ticket and I'll leave tomorrow Oh.
Right Tomorrow Wait.
You know what? Don't.
Don't change your flight Why? Will and I have a lot planned, and um I just think it's better this way So I don't really know where this leaves us I guess I guess it leaves us where we were before the flight I'm moving on with my life And I probably should, too But thank you for a wonderful flight So, I, guess this is it Goodbye, Grace At least you got to say goodbye You know what? I don't think I'll ever be able to say goodbye Oh, Jackie.
Great news, Jackie I've got my little Rosie back Now the only problem is Leni Honey, would you be a dear and fire her for me? Okay But I'm gonna need a heavy, blunt object Fine.
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