Will and Grace s10e18 Episode Script

Jack's Big Gay Wedding

1 "Will & Grace" is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
Hey, check this out.
I got it for the trip.
It's called an Astro Pillow.
So [GRUNTS] You put it on like this, you put down your tray table, and You can sleep like this.
Isn't it cool? Grace, could you could you help me? It's a little snug.
Do it yourself.
How else will you learn? Grace, I can't breathe! I'm Sandra Bullock in "Gravity"! You were going to let me die in there.
I would never let you die.
Then who would be around to criticize me? [GROANS] Okay, I'm sorry about the other night.
I should never have said that you can do better than Noah.
So you don't think I can do better? To be clear, I shouldn't have said it.
Oh, my God, you just can't help yourself.
The guy bails on your good friend's wedding, why? Because he's got a "buddy" in town? Hey, we are not doing this today.
- It's Jack's wedding.
- All right, you're right.
And Noah's friend is only in for three days.
- That is such a lame - No, not today.
And the wedding is in Spain.
That's a big ask.
- He made a commit - Not.
.
today! [UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC] Hi, Jack McFarland, BTB, bride to be.
Um, is it possible to arrange a surprise announcement from the pilot congratulating me on my upcoming nip-shuls? Sorry, the flight's been delayed.
- Bad weather in Spain.
- No, no, no.
It can't be delayed.
Check again.
Do the thing where you do this.
Okay.
It's delayed.
Well, she checked.
Let me take a crack at this one, boys.
If you can get this tin bird moving, I'll blow into your tubes until you're fully inflated.
- Karen, you're not a lesbian.
- Oh, really? Then why is my hot new lesbian girlfriend about to meet me here? There, I said it.
She's black.
Oh, look, the flight's no longer delayed.
- Oh.
- Oh, thank God.
It's cancelled.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC] Wait, so the wedding's on hold.
- Eh.
- How's Jack taking it? [HORN BEEPS] - Why? So, look, I have something big to tell you.
- McCoy Whitman, is that you? - Yeah.
Ooh, can I get a picture with you? Yeah, sure thing.
[SHUTTER SNAPS] - All right.
- You want to check it? - They're always good.
- Oh.
It looks like the network is going to make me Chief London Correspondent.
- That's your dream job! - I know.
- It's going to be so great.
- So why does it Because I'd be living in London, and you'd be living here, and we'd be so far apart! Hi, we're huge fans.
Can we - Of course.
Yes.
- Oh, gosh! [SHUTTER SNAPS] - What are we going to do? - Well, we'll be okay.
I mean, lots of couples make the long-distance thing work.
Name one.
You can't! Um, that guy was in the picture, so do - Let's take another.
- Oh, good! All right.
[SHUTTER SNAPS] Oh, I look bad in this one, too.
Everyone looks bad next to him! Move it along.
- Jack.
- Ohh please tell me you found a way for us to get to Spain.
Oh, wouldn't that be nice? But no.
We are getting married at midnight right here at gate 35A! The nicest of the 35s.
Papi, I know it's not Spain, but at least our wedding will not be on a Tuesday.
Oh, thank God.
Because we wouldn't want our wedding to be cursed by being forced to have it at an oh, I don't know, an airport! What what, do you want to have our honeymoon in a men's room? Jack, that's where we had our second date.
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC] Welcome to the pre-wedding cocktail hour.
As you can all see, this is not a castle on a hill in Spain.
But Estefan did find an airport White Castle.
And this jar of Spanish olives for the reception.
So yay.
There will also be no unicorn dessert station, no magical up-lighting.
I mean, it's an airport.
There's nothing.
[LAUGHS] [SOBS] Who's going to perform the ceremony? That part is set.
Estefan's tio, Alberto.
He's a judge on "Spain's Got Talent.
" - Isn't he in Spain? - Your point? Five, four, three, two Excuse me.
Oh, my God, I didn't even think of this.
If Jack's getting married here, Noah can come.
- I'm going to call him.
- I have no opinion on that.
I wasn't asking for your opinion.
- Well, none was offered.
- None was requested.
Nor was one forthcoming.
Oh, go put your head condom back on.
So I just got off the phone with the network, and it turns out I didn't get the job.
What, no! Darn it, those dummies.
[GRUNTS] - It's okay if you're happy.
- I am, I'm sorry.
But I'm thrilled for us.
We both know the long-distance thing never works.
Yes, I agree, and that's why I told them thanks but no thanks.
Wait, why did you thank them for not giving you a job? Well, I was just being polite.
You know how the Brits are.
[BRITISH ACCENT] Tut-tut, spot of tea.
On your marks, get set, bake! Okay, they they offered me the job, but I said no.
Sweetie, you can't turn down your dream job because of me.
- I don't want to lose you.
- Well, if you stay, you'll end up resenting me.
I couldn't stand that.
You got to call them back.
I know.
Another round, barkeep.
- Hello, Mrs.
Walker.
- Smitty? You work here, too? Because of all the death and illness in my family, I have to work multiple jobs.
Though I guess dancing while Wall Street guys throw lit cigarettes at me, well, that's not really a job.
Oh, Smitty.
You are a treasure.
If I wasn't a lesbian, I would kiss you.
- I'm a lesbian now.
- You are? Oh, my gaydar must be going the way of my hearing and and my sense of smell, and and my ability to digest solid food.
[LAUGHS] Smitty, you got to give a gal a chance to breathe.
[LAUGHS] Oh, it's just that after my marriage ended, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted.
And then, Nikki came along and told me.
And now, I am exactly who I'm supposed to be.
I think.
I don't know.
Did you ever think that maybe you're not gay? You're just lost.
[LAUGHS] Wait a minute, that's not funny.
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC] Chardonnay, please.
Noah's not coming.
We do not need to get into it.
Ah.
That is such a "you" thing to say.
- Mm.
- Oh, now you're lecturing me? I get it, it's a bummer.
He's a bummer.
- Are you happy? - Are you happy? I'm happy enough.
Noah is kind, and he loves me.
You get to a point in your life where you're lucky if you get 60% of what you want.
- Grace - It's not sad.
- It's a reality.
- Don't say that.
- You - No, do not tell me that I could do better, because I can't.
- I can't do better.
- Wow.
I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.
Because if you did, you'd know you deserve 100% of what you want.
[GROOVY PIANO MUSIC] We have another problem.
Than the one next door.
We don't have anybody to marry us.
You big gay bitch! I just found out that you're getting married, and you didn't invite me! I know, I'm so sorry.
We totally forgot.
That bothers me, Jack.
If I wasn't on my way to Tampa to marry my sister Hey, you cannot marry your sister.
In Florida, you can.
I'm not marrying her, you dummies.
I'm performing the ceremony.
I'm ordained.
Wait, you can marry people? Would you ever consider, like All right, I'll do it for 75 bucks.
- 25 bucks.
- 100.
- 200.
- You got yourself a deal.
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC] Oh! - Oh, oh! - Oh! - I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, I just I bit into the - Gooey center? - I call it the pearl.
Oh, please, don't stop eating.
That is the nicest thing a guy has ever said to me.
I find that kind of hard to believe.
You know, I was going to get one of those sad little airport cookies, but then, I thought "why settle for mediocrity when there is this deliciousness out there?" Agreed.
- Marcus.
- Grace.
- Where you headed? - Nowhere.
My friend is getting married here in the airport.
Oh, that's where I want to get married.
- Really? - No.
[LAUGHS] Just my indelicate way of telling you that I'm not married.
- Smooth.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES] - Where you going? - Uh, Italy.
Yeah, then France, and then, I don't know where.
- Wow, that sounds amazing.
- Yeah, yeah.
I just I woke up one day, and I thought I don't know, you ever just have one of those moments where you just you rethink your entire life? Constantly.
[CHUCKLES] How long you going away for? Mm, as long as it makes me happy.
- Oh.
- And as long as I - can pass for a Canadian.
- I wish I could do that.
Not the Canadian part.
I'm too loud.
The dropping everything and just taking off thing.
- Oh, then do it.
- Oh, I [SCOFFS] I don't do stuff like that.
What, something you want to do when you want to do it? Don't make it sound reasonable.
Look, sometimes, the things we do without thinking, they end up being the best things that we ever do.
Really? Because I have a Bowflex and cargo pants that would say otherwise.
Hey, you wouldn't want to with Oh oh, man, forget it.
I'm I'm going to sound like a crazy person.
Uh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You just you seemed so [STAMMERS] Forgive me.
Okay, enjoy your wedding.
- Hey.
- Yeah? Points for almost asking.
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC] Hey, babe.
[LAUGHS] So wait, what was the thinking behind getting married at an airport? The DMV was booked? [CLEARS THROAT] Look, um, I need to say something.
You know how I've said that being with you has changed me, and you've said that maybe I'm not being totally honest with myself.
What are you trying to say? Mm, what do you think I'm trying to say? Karen, I can't say it for you.
[EXHALES] It's just so hard.
I just I've realized that I am [EXHALES] [CHUCKLES] Why can't I say the word? Why can't I just say it? What what is wrong with me? Why am I so ashamed? Why can't I just speak my truth and be who I am? Nikki [BUTTON CLICKS] I'm straight.
[ECHOING] I'm straight, I'm straight I'm straight I'm straight I'm straight There are children around! [BRIGHT MUSICAL FLOURISH] So, about to be married at an airport.
Worst wedding since Batman married Robin in that filthy cave.
Look at it this way.
You waited for the right one.
You didn't settle.
You didn't care about the distance or the obstacles.
And you're both really, truly gay.
It's not like one of you is gay and black and the other one is white, straight, and lost.
["HERE COMES THE BRIDE" PLAYS] Buddy, this is your moment.
Today, it's all about you.
I have waited to hear you say that for 30 years.
If you hurt my Jackie, I know someone who will reach up inside you and turn you inside out.
[PURRS] No, not in the good way.
Thank you.
- Gracias.
- [COINS RATTLE] Mi amor, you look beautiful.
I know.
Queerly beloved, we are gathered here under this extremely harsh lighting that I wouldn't wish on my evil twin sister she should rot in Hell to unite these two "men" In holy matrimony.
And now, I believe that both Jack and Estefan have prepared their own vows.
Jack? Estefan, you know me well enough to know that I have prepared nothing.
It's true, I know that.
For months, all I've ever talked about was having the perfect wedding.
I wanted it to be the greatest moment of my life.
And now, standing here, looking in your eyes [EXHALES] I know I got exactly what I wanted.
This is perfect.
Flight 201 to Dallas, Fort Worth, has been moved to gate 63.
Like I said, perfect.
You are the love of my life.
Te amo.
Te amo siempre, Jack.
[OFF-KEY] Tu llenas mis sentidos Como una noche en el bosque [NOSE HONKS] Like a mountain in springtime No, no, no.
- It's going to be okay, McCoy.
- No, it's not.
We're going to break up, and I'm going to have to go back to dating underwear models and Bravo executives and Italian soccer stars.
- It's going to be hell.
- Ah, well, me too.
What with all the part-time piano teachers and no-show Grindr dates.
I I totally get it.
How do you keep a relationship going from so far apart? - You can't.
- Unless [ESTEFAN CONTINUES SINGING IN SPANISH] Unless what? And now, do you, Jack, take Estefan as your lawfully-wedded husband? Maybe everything else was not as I planned, but this moment is.
All eyes are on me as I say I will! I will marry you, Will Truman! [SCREAMING] I knew it! I knew it! Jack, Jack, Jack, you're still getting married first.
I'm dying inside.
That helps.
Let's keep going.
[BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC] That was the craziest, most impulsive thing I have ever seen you do, and I have never been prouder.
Yeah, yeah, it's weird, because crazy and impulsive is usually your department.
Did we switch bodies when we opened that book of magic spells? You inspired me, though.
I'm kind of thinking about doing something crazy and impulsive myself.
Is it something that has the chance of making you more than 60% happy? It might.
Well, then go.
Go get yourself some happy.
Smitty, this isn't like me, but I'm happy for my friends.
I guess it makes me feel like maybe there's a chance that I'll find love again.
[LAUGHS] Mrs.
Walker, you're hilarious.
We have a boarding opportunity for passengers traveling flight 6150 Ma'am are you boarding? I was just um, uh, waiting for someone.
I guess it was crazy.
Hold up.
Hold the gate.
[BRIGHT MUSIC] Hi.
Hi.
Ooh, the first song is husband and husband.
Come on, let's dance.
Will! I was looking for you.
Here I am.
Love is in the air Love is in the air Love is in the air Love is in the air Love is in the air