Will and Grace s10e17 Episode Script

The Things We Do for Love

1 Love, love will keep us together Think of me babe whenever Some sweet talking girl comes along Singing a song Don't mess around you just gotta be strong Just stop 'cause I really love you Stop I've been thinking of you Look in my heart and let love Keep us together Whatever da-ba-da whatever I will, I will, I will, I will [CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE'S "LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER"] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! What did you do to me? I don't feel right.
Who dressed me like this? Where's Joe? I knew we shouldn't come to this bachelor party.
There better not be video because we have a daughter with no sense of humor.
You're all monsters! [SHUSHES] You talk too much, Mrs.
Mazel.
What a party.
You look ridiculous.
I don't remember anything.
Oh, my God.
Karen? - She okay? - Don't worry.
We've been here before.
Everybody relax.
Stand back.
[GRUNTS] Look in my heart and let love Keep us together Who's next? Hey, buddy.
We just had your bachelor party.
You know what that means? I'm getting married! You're getting married! [CHEERING] [UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC] Oh, shoot.
I really wanted to help you clean up, but you're already done.
Darn it.
That was almost as convincing as when you go to reach for your credit card at dinner.
Did you forget a coin purse here last night? A coin purse? What am I, my Grandma Evie? What about an orthotic insole? Oh, yeah, that's mine.
Thanks.
Hey, uh, um, Noah knows that I'm coming solo - to your dinner party tonight, right? - Yes, he does.
Because McCoy's on assignment in London.
Wow, you work really hard to get that into every conversation, don't you? What, that the man I live with is on assignment in London? No, I don't.
Assignment, London.
Whoa.
I didn't even notice that you made this McCoy's office.
And if you forget what he looks like, you can just come into here.
It needs to feel like his place, too.
I'm sure Noah's carved out some space for you over there.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, not actual space because he's got his office and his daughter's room, but I've got space.
Okay.
What's in the box? Asian baby fish humper? Why? You love Asian baby fish humper.
- Noah hates it.
- What? - Yeah.
- He's beautif well, he's ugly beautiful.
I know.
Uh, just Noah has very particular taste.
- What's with the look? - I'm I I didn't give a look.
Oh, yes you did.
It's the "I want to weigh in on Grace's relationship" look.
I ju living together, you know, involves compromise and and Noah can be a kind of an uncompromising guy.
I just hope your place feels like your place, too.
Everything is good with us.
It's actually why I wanted to have this dinner party in the first place.
It's just it's so important to me that you see how good we are living together.
What do you think of the rug? It's it's it's like really fun socks.
Yeah, I mean, I know that your favorite color is lack of color, but it's fun.
It's fun, right? - So fun.
- Yeah.
I'm just worried about Katie.
I think I think she might hate it.
- How do you know that? - Because we hate the same things.
All right.
That was a very clever way of telling me that you don't like the rug.
No, wait.
You know what? I'll I just I won't look at it.
Yeah, I'll, uh I'll look up when I walk in.
It's not like I don't know where the furniture is, right? Oh, mother that's fun.
That is fun.
- It's a pouf.
- A what? A pouf.
I didn't think we were allowed to say that anymore.
- What does it do? - You sit on it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I get this.
Yeah.
I'm poufing now, right? [UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC] I'm having sex! With a lady! Oh, boy! All done.
No, wait.
Now I'm done.
When did Asian baby fish humper come back? Noah didn't like it.
I'm worried about Grace.
She's doing that thing again where she's the only one in the relationship making compromises.
I'm gonna say something.
You are absolutely not gonna say anything.
Have you forgotten the giant fights you got into when you would say something about Donny? - Danny.
- And Norman? - Nathan.
- And Louie? Leo.
You got a point, but but she told me to be totally honest when we go over there tonight.
What, am I supposed to just lie? Yes.
This happens all the time in the theater world, when you have to see a friend in a terrible play.
Huh.
What's that like? Oh, pretend when you saw me in "Gaybraham Twinkin" That I wasn't good.
Give me a minute to get there.
Oh, I'm there.
Okay, so, you would say something nice without getting specific.
Like, "You really looked like you were having fun up there.
" - Mm-hmm.
- Right? Or or you just pick adjectives and you draw them out really long.
Like like this.
Spectacular.
Right? Right? Or or just say them twice.
Magical.
Absolutely magical.
Right? And go ahead and feel free to use your hands.
Mm-hmm.
What if it's so bad you can't say anything? Oh, well, you say "There are simply no words.
" Right? Trust me.
It'll work with Grace.
Most people are so desperate for compliments, - they won't suspect a thing.
- Hmm.
[LAUGHING] Wait, you told me you had no words when you saw me in "Gaybraham Twinkin".
And I meant it.
Oh, my God.
That is so nice.
[PIANO MUSIC] Oh, Nikki, these last few weeks with you have been incredible.
And, uh, presidentially speaking, let's just say that I prefer Bush over Johnson.
Well, that's the highest compliment you can pay someone in my community.
I guess it's kinda my community now, too, huh? [LAUGHS] Oh, uh, unless you're talking about the African American community, which still refuses to accept me as one of their own.
I'll call Shonda.
Oh.
But I I do mean the gay community.
But, um, is that really you either? What do you mean? Do straight women want to do the things to you - that I do? - Oh, yeah.
Come here.
I need to know if you're just trying something out.
I mean, if you're ashamed to be seen with me I'm not ashamed.
I took you out to dinner last week.
In Berlin.
You got me on the down low.
Have you even told your friends about us? No, not yet.
But I've been thinking.
I think it's time for me to dump all of my friends and get new ones who are black and gay like us.
I'm sorry, Karen.
I can't do this.
I I need to be with a gay woman, and if you're not in this 100%, I'm out.
[DRAMATIC PIANO MUSIC] [DOOR CLOSES] Hello, papi chulo.
Hello, Will.
Jack, I was thinking, why don't you make a list of what you need to bring for the wedding? Hush, papi.
I don't need to make a list.
I have everything.
I have the rings, the tux, my passport which is up to date.
I'm glad you renewed it early.
McCoy had to had to do his last minute, - 'cause he's - ALL: On assignment in London.
- We know.
- Yes.
Okay, just one more thing, Jack.
I promise.
Do you have the 13 gold coins which you will present to me at the altar? [CHUCKLES] This guy.
Of course I have the coins.
It's the first thing I packed.
[LAUGHING] Now get out of here, all right? Come on.
Don't worry about a thing, okay? - Okay, I'm sorry.
- No worries.
You have no idea where those coins are, do you? Oh, my God.
I brought them over to show Karen at the bachelor party.
Uh, they were in a little coin purse, but I must have lost it somewhere.
Coin purse? That sounds small and hard to find.
What do I do? What do I do? Well, I guess you better run around the apartment like a crazy person looking everywhere.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He was right about me! Here's I I I am forgetful and irresponsible! He was totally right! - And bad at finding things.
- I can't find anything! What's so special about the gold coins? Oh, I don't know.
Some Spanish tradition.
I I I tried to Wikipedia them, but I accidentally went to Dickipedia and stayed there all night.
- [COINS RATTLING] - Jack.
Would you stop jingling whatever you're jingling? I'm trying to [KEYS RATTLING] You son of a bitch.
You really enjoyed that, didn't you? I really did.
Here.
I counted them.
There's only 12.
You're missing one.
Hey, me again.
I just want to say, forget about the list.
None of those things matter as long as you are there.
Oh, thank God.
- That's such a relief.
- [CHUCKLES] Except the coins.
The 13 gold coins are the most important tradition in a Spanish wedding.
They symbolize our trust, and they must be there.
But the rest, who cares? Everything can be replaced.
The coins cannot be replaced.
You probably got that they were not included when I said everything, but I wanted to make sure.
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC] I'm missing one gold coin, Rory.
No, there is not a reward.
Just call me if you find it.
I hate every single one of my friends.
Not Karen.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hi! [KISSES] - Come on in.
- Wow.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Oh, I love people who know that no gifts means yes gifts.
Yeah.
We've met before.
[LAUGHS] - Oh, you got my favorite candle.
- Hmm.
Oh.
Smells like rotten berries in here.
Oh, pretty candle.
- Oh, thanks, you guys.
- Hmm.
Uh, maybe we put it in the dining room.
Uh, we could, or you could bring it - to the office.
- Sure.
See? How's that for compromise? Spectacular.
- [KNOCKING] - Thanks.
Hmm.
- Oh, hey, Estefan.
- Hola, curmudgeon.
- Hola, Grace.
- Hola.
I have brought you this wine all the way from my village - in Spain.
- Aww.
That's so cool.
Uh, they sell the same wine at the bodega on the corner.
Where it is also 13 American dollars.
Speaking of the number 13, tell him about the 13 gold coins you will present to me at the wedding.
Well, I would, but I think Grace wants to say something nice to welcome us into her home.
Well, um, you know, I would just I would just like to say how nice it is to have you guys here in our home.
- It just means so much to - [CELL PHONE RINGING] No way.
It's my best friend from college.
I'm I'm so sorry.
I'll be right back.
Steve, what's up, buddy? No, no, I'm good.
Uh, Grace just has her friends over.
Obviously you're his friends, too.
Hmm.
He's he's not very demonstrative.
You're amazing! You know what I mean.
He's, um Magical.
[LAUGHS] Absolutely magical! What? You're being weird.
I'm not.
I'm not being weird.
There is nothing weird at all.
[CHUCKLES] All right, listen up, people.
This is my girlfriend, Nikki.
And we are 100% gay together.
[UPBEAT MUSIC] Here's some more.
How long has Karen been a lesbian? I think since this afternoon.
- Everything all right? - Yeah, yeah.
All good.
I'll, uh I'll tell you later.
Love this metal table, Noah.
Isn't that great, babe? [LAUGHS] Oh! Do you know what else is made of metal? The 13 gold coins which Jack will present to me.
Tell them, mi Monte Carlo.
Hey, have you ever looked inside an American straight guy's bathroom? No, and I have always wanted to.
Well, we have got to go see it right now.
I bet it's just a hole in the ground.
I can't wait to celebrate this gay wedding with you.
You just call it their wedding.
[LAUGHS] Um, by the way, you look like a mid-'90s rapper.
That gets me so hard.
So, uh, Will, uh, how's it living with McCoy? It's great.
He's on assignment in London.
BOTH: Drink.
Sorry, it's just a little inside joke.
I think I got it.
Anyway, you know, it's been an adjustment with McCoy, sharing a space.
Compromising.
Sure it's been the same for you.
No, it's actually been pretty seamless for us.
Really? Well, you you've obviously learned how to give up control to the TV remote, 'cause you try to take it from this one, she turns into Joffrey.
Am I right? Uh, who who is Joffrey? Oh, he's from "Game of Thrones.
" It's a show.
We don't have a TV.
Yeah, I I can't have a TV.
I'd never pick up a book.
Mmm.
I don't miss it.
I don't need a TV to be happy.
That's I you guys sure look like you're having a lot of fun.
- Yeah, we we really are.
- [CHUCKLES] Hey, Nikki, have you ever been to Spain? No, uh, I've always wanted to go, but this'll be my first time.
Hopefully we'll get to see the running of the bulls in lesbian town.
Okay, I think we need to talk.
[LAUGHS] Of course we do.
We're lesbians.
All we do is talk.
[LAUGHS] Ow.
Noah, I am blown away by your bathroom.
One bottle and it is both the shampoo and the conditioner.
I'm so glad you're back.
How about a toast? Um, Noah, you're better with words than me.
Oh, yeah, I'm I'm not great at toasts.
Don't be so modest.
Seriously, I I don't think I Yes, please.
You are a writer.
Maybe a beautiful toast about our wedding.
Guys, I I'm not gonna be able to come to the wedding.
- What? - You're kidding.
That is a terrible toast.
I'm really sorry, guys.
My best friend, Steve, who's been living abroad for ten years is coming into town this weekend.
But it's in three days.
When were you gonna tell us? After the party.
I thought it might create an awkward moment.
Guess I was wrong.
This is not what being gay is.
Especially not for you.
Yeah.
I guess you're right.
You know, I Googled "butch lesbian", but I guess I'm more of a lipstick lesbian.
Wanna go figure it out on a pile of coats in Noah's bedroom? I would like that very much.
I can't believe Noah's not coming to our wedding.
I know.
The saddest part is that he will not get to see me receive the 13 golden coins.
I can't take it! Estefan, look, I love you, and I know how much those coins mean to you.
- But the truth is - [KNOCKING] - What? - Jack, I have your coin.
The truth is, I'm pretty darn sick of you doubting me and I'd like a moment alone with my thoughts.
Oh, okay.
I will just go look at his bathroom again.
He has a bar of soap that says, "Dial".
Harry, you found my coin? The ER doctor did.
He asked me how it got where it did, and everything came flooding back.
Me not wanting to dance, Will saying I was a dancing machine, you saying if someone put a coin in me, BOTH: I had to dance.
[LAUGHS] Now I remember! Karen put a coin u Please don't finish that sentence.
Noah, this is Jack's wedding.
I know, Grace, but Steve's my best friend.
Jack is one of Grace's best friends.
You could fly and see him as soon as we get back.
No, we've been trying to get together forever.
Noah This is really important to me.
And this is really important to me.
Okay.
I understand.
I guess.
There really are no words.
Hey, great news.
I found the coin.
[LAUGHING] Funny story.
Which you will probably enjoy at a later date.
I can't do this.
I'm going home before I say something I'll regret.
'Cause you're right.
Grace would kill me if I actually told her that she could do so much better than Noah.
She is standing right behind me, isn't she? She is.
And she wants you to leave.
You don't think I don't know what you've been doing? Feeding me vague compliments like we're backstage at one of Jack's shows? Oh, no, no, this is different.
Uh, he doesn't mean the compliments he gave you.
Look, I was trying to avoid a fight.
But come on.
Blowing off Jack's wedding? - That's kind of a big deal.
- It's his best friend, Will.
I I've gotta be flexible about this.
He hasn't made any space for you, Grace.
I know you feel that, too.
Look, is Noah perfect? No.
Not even close.
And he's a lot to deal with.
Sometimes he's an absolute bummer.
And he's standing right behind me, isn't he? Wow, the rare double-double.
[UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC]